Gabriel's log

AmericanAndy said:

Here's an idea you can think of approaches as just attempts. There's no penalty for any of it. You're attempting to find someone who likes you.
When you look for something like gold, you know it wont appear every time you dig. But you know it exists and with consistent effort it

Click to expand...

Thanks bro.

What I meant is improving my capacity to focus at work is similar to other things that require will power.
For example it's much easier to focus when you are working with someone else rather than all alone by yourself.

What I mean is it's a beast in of itself and requires practice to master yourself.

Little update, I'm much more productive today, already got 1 block of focused work in.

I woke up earlier (5:45) and just focused on getting my thoughts together, in a state of calmness.

Starting with the right foot is important. Once you spiral into procrastination it's hard to get out of there until the next day. Sleeping is kind of a reset.

November 10th


Primary goals


Work: 12 20m. Did 4 blocks of totally focused work.

Wakeup time: 5:30 am.

Secondary goals


No pmo: fapped(no porn) to reward myself and to avoid flatline

Approach: didn't go out

Sun gazing: cloudy day



Was very productive today. Just focused 100% on work. Now I have to be faster and more effective, but my performance is improving. Waking up early, sun gazing and all of that is key.


I'm finding joy in well done work. Cleanliness, efficiency, creativity patience. All of the right stuff.


Besides that, something is beginning to SNAP within me, with regards to women.


I was listening to an argentinian content creator that largely rips off Casey Zander, but also adds value and is legit. He was talking about how he was hanging out with a girl at the club and she was approached by a lot of guys and she rejected them all. And then he made out with her and he made out with girls in front of her.


Then he talked about when he was in high school and he flirted with girls in front of the teachers and had sex with senior girls when he was a freshman (he said you shouldn't do that, having sex with a lot of girls isn't good for you, but he did that at the time when he was young and stupid)


He has chad facial structure but he's very short (163cm) and even femenine looking, so saying "it's looks" is cope.


It's "game". But at the same time, he says he didn't understand anything of what he did. Only now he's beginning to conceptualize it so he can teach it, but when he did it, it all came to him naturally. Being a game scholar won't save you. Not even doing daygame everyday. Not even "getting laid".


The guy didn't even finish high school, writes with grammatical mistakes, etc. And here I am, educated, smart, worked "hard" with all of these approaches and game shit, yet I was absolutely cucked by the matrix and mogged by natural chads.


To me banging a hot chick from cold approach was this huge accomplishment. And then you meet these natural guys that completely crush your ego, that did exactly that, 100 times over and at fucking 16.


Why am I so triggered by this?


I'm contemplating all of my life in quick fashion like in the movies, flashing before my eyes. I'm trying to figure out exactly where did I go wrong. What were decisions, the behaviors that led me to where I'm today.


What were the lies I believed that led me to delusion? What were the risks I didn't take?


As early as 5th grade I remember not feeling part of the "in crowd", being socially weird and feeling undesirable.
I was very sheltered, even though I had friends, I was very defensive. For example I went to my friends' places but never invited people to my house. Never fully opened up and connected, except with one best friend.


I was into videogames, didn't like mainstream media. I listened to linkin park and then metal. Watched anime but at the same time made fun of weebs. I was proudly sitting in between the popular kids and the geeks.


I think I began reading pick up content in 2011-2012 (10th grade or so), mostly stuff from Mario Luna, classic pua type of shit. I remember watching Project X, smoking weed and getting drunk in 12th grade to be like the cool kids.


I remember trying to learn how to play soccer in my late teens-and failing massively, just so I could get validation from "hot girls" and "cool guys".


I remember other people losing their virginity and getting in relationships, even guys that I felt were "equal or below" my "coolness" (even my autistic best friend lost his v card very early) while I was horny AF and thirsting after these chicks I thought were unattainable.


I remember having a crush on this hot chick from my class that turned into a total hoe (she even fucked two guys from my same class).


Between 2013-2017 I gave up and became an incel/artcel. Seriously, I spent 10 hours a day playing guitar and in the back of my mind I thought that would get me laid. Probably the worst period of my life, started watching anime, like actual niche shit and further cemented my identity as an outcast.


I lost my virginity at 21 just before finding gll thanks to ethnicitymaxxing and studying a major where I was the only straight guy in class. I did like the chick though and she became my girlfriend for a while, then I broke her heart. This was probably a huge turning point and that healthy dose of female validation did heal me. For one time in my life it seemed the field was rigged in my favor. If it weren't for that I'd probably be an incel today.


All of that shit was "trauma" that I've been trying to compensate for ever since I started reading gll in 2017.


I think we should tackle inner game issues the same way we do with cold approach, gym, work, etc. Just RUN TOWARDS WHAT YOU ARE AFRAID TO DO. Face the things you DON'T want to see.


Before, the object of fear was outside. You see a hot chick and approach. Now the fear isn't outside. It's deep within, and it's something you are used to, or even addicted to. Your ego, your attachments. There's no amount of action taking that can substitute true internal change, true "swallowing the red pill".


I'm trying to find a balance between facing the facts and also being kind with myself.


I have to accept that there are things that I've failed massively at and the ship has sailed long ago and I can't keep being attached towards that.


I'm a grown ass man. I can't have the same insecurities and desires of a teenager. I need to accept that there are parts of me that haven't fully matured yet, that are still stuck in the past.


I need to take accountability for my trauma and fix it. While being a victim is BS, being fake alpha doesn't fly either. All of this being tough and taking action and overationalizing is just cope I've already seen how that's worked for me all throughout these years. "I'm gonna eventually figure it out, I'm close to improving my game" isn't valid.


And this isn't only me. The guys that I admired in the past, even the guys that I admire now have issues. I need to stop the idol worship and see things as they are, sober.


Right now the best thing for healing that I can do is working. Working on something useful, that I'm good at and is genuinely helpful to other people. Having a routine. Keep my mind engaged. I don't feel like it's time to go full internal yet. You can get lost there aswell.

November 11th

Primary goals

• Work: 8h 28m. Did two blocks of totally focused work.
• Wakeup time: 6:00 am.

Secondary goals

• No pmo: fail, did some edging at night.
• Approach: didn't go out except some random admin stuff.
• Sun gazing: success

I'm making a lot of improvement with after effects. It's just a matter of staying focused at this point.

Beautiful.

YOUR JOURNEY

YOUR PROCESS

Keep going! Dive deeper.

This is 100% why I want us to be more accepting of guys and give them space. There is legit unprocessed trauma here, and telling guys JUST APPROACH MO WIMMIN is not going to help us unlock that so we can get them the breakthroughs we seek

There is no cookie cutter for this shit

Its deep work, with the specific man

KEEP GOING KING

Fully support your growth, and accept whatever YOUR JOURNEY looks like.

I lament the times in the past I would infringe on guys journeys, and have now learned I was a fool for that. This shit is not about girls, that is just one element of a guy's wound that has led him to waking up.

This shit is about coming to your internal self love, self image, and true groundedness and happiness as a man

A life without pain, suffering, and internal conflict

10,000 MORE APPROACHES WONT SAVE YOU

MUH MUH JUST LOOK GOOD & TALK TO GIRLS LOOOOOOOOOOOOL

MORE LAYS WONT SAVE YOU

JUS HAVE CASUAL SECKS BRO, OBTAIN THE GLOW AND LEARN THE TROOF ABOUT WIMIN

many just exist bros will never go deep in this journey. they have zero idea about any of this shit. have you ever talked to a guy with elite bodybuilding genetics and had them insist their gains are due to their work ethic, while they train like a bitch and some, drink, do drugs etc?

that is how it is within this game

you'll drive yourself mad being around guys who deny your experience and are clueless in how to properly fix this problem.

you will learn the more time you spend on this journey, that it is so personal and individual, that you have to find your own lane and travel it.

this was why I basically went monk & got away from everyone. i had deep inner game stuff to fix. and now the guys going through it all, together, in the CMU men's group program, are finally actually progressing

this deep inner wound, is why approaches go nowhere, why you get cucked, etc. it stops you stretching your identity and behaviours into the zone they'd need to be in order to win.

so fixing the ACTUAL PROBLEM, will then allow you to ingrain better game etc.

you won't do that on a nervous system which is locked in patterns of stress and resistance. see polyvagal theory for how this works.

when the inner world is in a bad place, which is largely unconcuious, it projects into the world endless shit that is not helpful, and it's in the microexpressions and tone of your voice. if your inner core is wounded, you an be a superhuman with work ethic, and not really get anywhere.

i got results through legendary grinding. and ultimately hit a wall and couldn't progress due to what exactly?

INNER GAME ISSUES

you will not even encounter this info listening to useless level 1 fools, you had to find it yourself using your own intelligence

sad but hey at least we can help others now

-MAC

MakingAComeback said:

10,000 MORE APPROACHES WONT SAVE YOU

MUH MUH JUST LOOK GOOD & TALK TO GIRLS LOOOOOOOOOOOOL

MORE LAYS WONT SAVE YOU

JUS HAVE CASUAL SECKS BRO, OBTAIN THE GLOW AND LEARN THE TROOF ABOUT WIMIN

many just exist bros will never go deep in this journey. they have zero idea about any of this shit. have you ever talked to a guy with elite bodybuilding genetics and had them insist their gains are due to their work ethic, while they train like a bitch and some, drink, do drugs etc?

that is how it is within this game

you'll drive yourself mad being around guys who deny your experience and are clueless in how to properly fix this problem.

you will learn the more time you spend on this journey, that it is so personal and individual, that you have to find your own lane and travel it.

this was why I basically went monk & got away from everyone. i had deep inner game stuff to fix. and now the guys going through it all, together, in the CMU men's group program, are finally actually progressing

this deep inner wound, is why approaches go nowhere, why you get cucked, etc. it stops you stretching your identity and behaviours into the zone they'd need to be in order to win.

so fixing the ACTUAL PROBLEM, will then allow you to ingrain better game etc.

you won't do that on a nervous system which is locked in patterns of stress and resistance. see polyvagal theory for how this works.

when the inner world is in a bad place, which is largely unconcuious, it projects into the world endless shit that is not helpful, and it's in the microexpressions and tone of your voice. if your inner core is wounded, you an be a superhuman with work ethic, and not really get anywhere.

i got results through legendary grinding. and ultimately hit a wall and couldn't progress due to what exactly?

INNER GAME ISSUES

you will not even encounter this info listening to useless level 1 fools, you had to find it yourself using your own intelligence

sad but hey at least we can help others now

-MAC

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Thanks for the detailed response MAC.

I agree with everything you say.

If there's one guy I can trust with the inner game stuff is you. You're the closest thing to David Goggins mindset I know, so if you say grinding isn't the answer then I believe you. Otherwise I'd think it's an excuse to "not take action".

I don't want my posts to sound like I'm complaining or being negative though. The point of that cringe review of my own history is to be real with myself. I didn't have to go through the same level of shit as you but I'd put myself closer to the hardcase category.

To be fair with GLL even Chris made the disclaimer many times that if you had depression or social anxiety you shouldn't pick up chicks, and even if you get laid that wouldn't solve your deeper issues.

It's tough to give an answer to all of this. As I was thinking about my past experiences I felt that fire within me grow again, that underdog zeal for success. It's intoxicating. But I know I have go grow past it. My motivation can't run purely on negative emotions and "making up for lost time".

I'm glad something like CMU exists today. Back in the day GLL and red pill stuff was all we had. It was great at the time and changed my life, I don't even want to think where I'd be if not for that. But I always craved for something deeper.

Wish there was something like CMU back then. Gen Zers have it really good these days. The whole space I think is becoming more mature and evolved, sometimes we forget how toxic the red pill was back then and now all of those guys are getting exposed lmfao.

There's also higher quality information. Not too long ago we all believed it was all just "looks and volume bro" lmao
Or the red pill "looks money status bro"
Or even the black pill. We literally believed all of this shit was true. It was all confusing as hell. We're arriving to a pretty refined model of how all of this works. Now the problem is the bigger picture, how to unfuck society as a whole...

Luckily for me there's no need to deliberate what the fuck to do with dating for now. I have to focus on work so there's no guesswork. In this area I do think grinding is the solution for now.

perfect

just perfect

exactly what i was hoping to see from you. you're on the right track bro. you'll see many more guys go this way, and then more success will come to them.

cmu, is going to be legacy work for me. and ironwill too. my impacts on this earth. they will become good.

if you knew the hustle it took to get Coach D to go into business with me, you'll see truly how far determination can take you. i asked him every few months FOR YEARS.

and then I fucking got it.

that is how strong my inner game is within business & life

and yet where was that with women........?

EXACTLY

I fucked a bunch but still was sad and depressed inside.

NO ONE SHIRKS THE WORK

IF YOU ARE A "INNER GAME" CASE, SUCH AS MYSELF, NOTHING IS GONNA WORK UNTIL INNER GAME IS SORTED

If it was just CASUAL SECKS BRO BANG WIMIN AND OBTAIN THE GLOW

then why the FUCK was Scotty sleeing in a cardboard box for years on the fucking cold streets??? after becoming the "greatest PUA of all time"

let them yap. ask professionals who do transformational work for a living, who see these cases in their practice every day, and you'll see how complex this shit truly is......if you saw the cases I've had as a performance coach in IW, and how I fixed them, you'll understand how deep this shit goes

get me that video when u can also boyo thanks

-R

Sisyphus said:

The whole space I think is becoming more mature and evolved, sometimes we forget how toxic the red pill was back then and now all of those guys are getting exposed lmfao.

Click to expand...

Dudes struggling with their own shit and like then like to spit on the greats before them.

“The red pill” was and is correct in a bunch of ways. Mystery Method 100% works, dressing edgy with a bunch of rings and chains is just peacocking. If it wasn’t for him we wouldn’t have this today.

Its guys who can’t understand nuance, who can’t tap into reality, who’s stories/theories become reality that struggle. “It’s been 90mins I have to bounce her to a new venue!” “Oh no I only worked in an 88min block, I’m such a loser!!!”

Flavour of the month, bet there’ll be a new one soon

Adrizzle said:

Dudes struggling with their own shit and like then like to spit on the greats before them.

“The red pill” was and is correct in a bunch of ways. Mystery Method 100% works, dressing edgy with a bunch of rings and chains is just peacocking. If it wasn’t for him we wouldn’t have this today.

Its guys who can’t understand nuance, who can’t tap into reality, who’s stories/theories become reality that struggle. “It’s been 90mins I have to bounce her to a new venue!” “Oh no I only worked in an 88min block, I’m such a loser!!!”

Flavour of the month, bet there’ll be a new one soon

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Bro I said a gazillion times that the red pill had a lot of positives and I'm grateful that I discovered it.

And mystery wasn't redpill, it was original PUA

When I said redpill I thought more about guys like Rollo Tomassi that are highly incongruent and also toxic

I'm just saying the shit we have now is better. It's natural that knowledge evolves... we're building on the shoulders of giants.

Guys like Casey Zander are talking about hypergamy today, which is originally a red pill concept, but they are doing it in a more accurate way.

And also things have taken a healthier shift. Guys like Andrew Tate aren't so popular among the younger generation anymore, maybe a year or two ago but now there's more balance. There isn't this "bang all the hoes bro" ethos that there was back then anymore.

lol so babygirls it's complex and case by case

I'm personally not suggesting there is a singular path, diff people need diff things at diff times

I got tonnes of value from learning seduction etc, helped me figure out my own case a lot more

too complex. gotta take it step by step IMO. red pill, blackpill, pua, etc, all have useful and meaningful contributions. i don't think anyone has dismissed anything, there are contextual factors here......but hey, we're all autists here lmao.

people still need the space to express themselves without this cynical shit......people go thru a lot of shit in this. vent, get it out, speak. respect it and let people go on their own personal journey imo. they have to express and feel like others hear them to get to their next evolution. guys change over time. let people breathe.................

this is all about actualisation and growth and progressively evolving. men are problem solvers and this comes from a good place. it's with positive intent. however, we actually need to understand that pushing your thoughts onto people, slows them down, activates their internal resistance, and stops them evolving.

I would like to see men be able to freely express and go through their own shit. It's OK to be wrong. It's OK to make mistakes. If people are not specifically asking for feedback and for others opinions, leave them at it I say.................

-R

MakingAComeback said:

this is all about actualisation and growth and progressively evolving. men are problem solvers and this comes from a good place. it's with positive intent. however, we actually need to understand that pushing your thoughts onto people, slows them down, activates their internal resistance, and stops them evolving.

I would like to see men be able to freely express and go through their own shit. It's OK to be wrong. It's OK to make mistakes. If people are not specifically asking for feedback and for others opinions, leave them at it I say.................

Click to expand...

One thing I reckon is that different people learn differently and appreciate different environments for learning.


Like, for me, it's not really about feeling listened to, what I really love is the element of feedback and opinions. It doesn't mean that I'm necessarily going to be following it, but when I post I'm always hoping someone's going to fire up a counter-opinion to make me think.


I think about my own issues a lot, but I'm also conscious that we can often miss aspects when assessing ourselves, blind spots etc. My hope is always that someone'll be like "here's a counter point", and I can use that to improve my own perspective. I don't really get attached to the concept of "this is my idea and I must follow it exactly, it is my identity", if there's a better tweak, I'm all ears. I don't want everyone to tell me that my ideas are great, what I want is to hear all your ideas/opinions (ideally disagreeing constructively with my opinions), then I want to steal the best bits of all of them and use them to improve mine.



Diff strokes for diff folks and all that - I used to assume that everyone had a similar style to me but as I've grown I've realised that everyone has their own preferences. It's actually one of the skills I'm trying to improve, the ability to quickly identify what kind of person someone is and use that info to tailor to them to motivate and help them learn as effectively as possible. Mostly in the context of managing employees - like I'm trying to foster a work culture where we're all able to learn and grow as effectively as possible. I think I'm getting pretty good at it but I want to get even better, it's another thing I like about WW that it exposes me to more people with different mindsets and the culture of openness we are all fostering.

Sisyphus said:

@Antonio44 i'm pretty sure being hard on yourself helps as much as it hurts. But I need to think of it as one more "tool". Sort of like a buddhist "witness perspective" I need to dettach from these emotional states and see where they are useful and where they aren't.

Click to expand...

Hey, if it works for you, great, I'm not knocking you. If anything I want to understand it so I can take the useful aspects out of it. I just never really identified with the whole "tell myself I'm a failure after not doing something" mindset. My internal voice is more like "ok, didn't get it done, but next time you can do it, it's your time, I believe in you".


I'm also curious - are you the same with others? Like if your mate is having problems, you're pretty tough on them, or at least feeling that way about them internally? Not a troll question I promise!

MakingAComeback said:

Keep going!

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Exactly!

@Antonio44 I tend to be critical of others. If I see someone fat I judge them for being fat and lazy.

But I'm harder on myself than on other people.

I don't tend to voice these criticisms. If I'm working with someone, rather than trying to explain to that person how to do something, I'm like fuck it I'll do it myself or I walk away.

Got caught up with work and some life curveballs

November 12th

Primary goals

• Work: 8h 18m.
• Wakeup time: 6:00 am.

Secondary goals

• No pmo: success
• Approach: went out with mom I guess I had some chances to approach but didn't do it.
• Sun gazing: fail

November 13th

Primary goals

• Work: 11h 13m.
• Wakeup time: 7:00 am.

Secondary goals

• No pmo: success
• Approach: can't remember
• Sun gazing: fail

November 14th

Primary goals

• Work: 7h 34m.
• Wakeup time: 6:00 am.

Secondary goals

• No pmo: success
• Approach: can't remember
• Sun gazing: fail

November 15th

Primary goals

• Work: 11h 21m.
• Wakeup time: 6:30 am.

Secondary goals

• No pmo: edging while half asleep
• Approach: did one approach and got her number.
• Sun gazing: fail

November 16th


Rest.

I did 2 approaches as I was about my day. Lacked persistence.


----

Got finished with editing video course, at least what's recorded for now

Nofap is going well. I feel very aggressive.

I'm becoming better at game. Even if my approaches arent ideal, I am at the point where I can actually learn from interactions and read the girl to get feedback. I know the things that landed, the things that added nothing and where I hesitated or fucked up.

Depending on the situation I'm very relaxed during the approach and am able to think while I talk and reflect on the words I'm saying as they are coming out of my mouth. I'm also more aware about body language. Both mine and the girls.

My social freedom is getting better, I'm easily able to say hi to random people, etc. But I still keep avoiding groups and mixed sets. I think I need a specific gameplan so I feel I'm in control and not just doing random shit.

For now I feel the current setup of farming leads and not messaging them is good. I don't want to be too focused on game and I am not in the mindset to hustle for results aggresively. And the volume here doesn't help at all.

One of the girls I didn't message I really liked (this was a couple of weeks ago). 18 years old, from a smaller city, studies systems engineering... and wears brackets. Not hot but somewhat cute and super feminine and giggly, seemingly wholesome. Those are the type of girls that restore my hopes in women and game. Maybe I'm wrong but it's probably less likely to date these kind of girls using apps. You are constrained somewhat to your age range, which totally sucks.

That was probably one my best approaches yet where I did actually flow and did game naturally. Firstly I stopped her while she was in a rush, quite probably I wouldn't have been able to stop her back then, because it took some persistence. Then I made fun of her for being clumsy... she was carrying a bunch of groceries without any bags lol

You could say this was neg and I actually like that term even though it's got bad rep. Observational "negs" about her behavior are the best ones imo, they feel more natural and less gamey than saying "oh that sweater is cool, did you stole it from your grandma?"

Then I realized that it was probably too much for this type of girl and switched more to comfort.

Nothing crazy though because she was kinda a yes girl from the beginning, but what I'm saying is I'm finally applying game concepts spontaneously, creatively and in a calibrated way. Seems kinda simple when you read it but I guess it's kinda like a dribble in soccer... the movements individually aren't hard to grasp, but applying them in coordination, in a real match, is a completely different story.

But I let the lead become cold so probably nothing will come of it. But hey I might run into her again, who knows.

But as I said this setup is good for the time being. Imo it's better to do a few sniper approaches every day, where you deliberately practice sticking points. Slow consistent improvement>hardcore high volume approach for milking results. Although I should aim for higher volume too.

Long term imo the best way is social circle+preselection+social media and I need to take action in that regard. Earlier this year I attended some university classes and made a hot female friend that was attracted to me, and I noticed that both girls and guys treated me differently.

But cold approach is also really good to sharpen your skills.

In general I feel I'm connecting more with people and also people of higher quality. Yesterday I had brunch with 32 year old software engineer guy, now married with an spanish woman and soon to be father. Overall he has very positive mindsets both with money and work, while also being very socially adept. He used to be a bartender so my social skills pale in comparision to his. This is the type of people I want to make connections with...

-------

MAC, I recorded the testimonial, I have to edit it.

November 17th

Primary goals

• Work: rest day
• Wakeup time: 9:30 am.

Secondary goals

• No pmo: success
• Approach: did one approach
• Sun gazing: fail

Another rest day. Perhaps a cope but I needed it.

Did some spirituality research stuff though.

Also cleant my sneakers which felt productive and even soothing in a way.

I approached a girl at the supermarket but couldn't get her number. I think I did create attraction but I failed to create comfort. I think these two concepts are pretty useful. They are transversal to a lot of elements in game.

Even in the open you want to create attraction and comfort. Your non verbals create these "frames". Being "aggressive" is one frame, but there are many valid frames for different contexts and they can also be communicated simultaneously.

It's hard to give myself feedback though. Having a third party observer would be much more useful. But I don't so all that's left is to rely on my intuition of what went wrong.

My non verbals might be still be off even though they improved... small inconsistencies and incongruencies, small moments of hesitation.

Tbh I wasn't feeling in the best mood. I think I lacked a more positive and friendly vibe in this case. I will try set the frame that one of the girls I approach I'll keep seeing for the next months and try to connect more deeply from the start. Too much indifference isn't good.

Maybe I am overanalyzing and should approach higher volume but this type of approach I think is more inner game compatible. You can't bring 100% of your emotional affect to 20 interactions the same way you do in 1-5. I could have opened 1 or 2 more girls but the situations were a little bit odd.

-----

Next couple of weeks I'll focus on

1) prospecting
2) video editing studying

-----

I need to create a night routine so I can reduce exposure to blue light, sleep early, wake up early, watch the sunrise and start a positive cycle to restore my circadian rhythm.

Things to do right before bed:
1-Do cleaning/household tasks
2-Old school studying with pen and paper.

November 18th

Primary goals

• Work: 2 rounds of prospecting
• Wakeup time: 9:00 am.

Secondary goals

• No pmo: success
• Approach: did one approach
• Sun gazing: fail
• Night routine: fail

Changing my strategy has affected my performance. It's like I feel a bit disoriented. I have to get back to my A game. I noticed that if I don't program myself everyday with certain thought patterns I will fall into default procrastination mode.

I need to have a specific time for the night routine, otherwise I won't do it. 21:30 should be good.

Approach wise, I know exactly what I did wrong. I still carry some bad habits, like opening robotically, just "getting in there" but not being fully emotionally engaged.

I also did some technical mistakes, like not properly front stopping.

For years I focused too much on not coming across as boyfriend material, which never was my problem. My problem is being too emotionally flat, even if that's my authentic self in a way. My next goal is to portray myself as someone more likeable, open, vulnerable and positive, specially for "comfort girls".

At the same time, my mood wasn't the best at the moment, I was about to do a stressful call, so I give props to myself for even approaching in the first place.

November 19th

Primary goals

• Work: 3 rounds of prospecting
• Studying: 3h
• Wakeup time: 7:45 am.

Secondary goals

• No pmo: fapped to avoid flatline and also to release some stress
• Went to gym 1/4
• Approach: no
• Sun gazing: fail
• Night routine: fail

Renewed my gym membership. Goal is to go 4 times a week.

For the last couple of weeks I've been doing intermittent fasting and also not paying too much attention to food intake. I lost some weight (I am 68kg) and I am lean again. I felt super light doing pull ups, I did 8 or so like it was nothing.

From July to October I bulked although I didn't weighted myself back then. But looking at photos I was heavier and gained some muscle. Now I am lean again with a little bit more muscle, although still scrawny af.

From now, for the next 4-6 months on I will bulk to 73kg or so and become stronger, although I have to do it on a relatively shitty diet.

Underlying default state of procrastination tends to come from somewhere.....

What do we call people who struggle with being emotionally flat?

Mildly depressed

Spotting a few clues here. Me spotting them isn't much use. You, eventually realising yourself, is all that matters.

You just logging, is actually why you're going to progress this time.

It is a long road with this shit. But I (as well as many here), know the signs when a guy is maturing and "getting it"

Onwards lad. You have some way to go, which is normal.

Stay with it, and in time you'll shift. You're a bit in "grind culture" atm, I see it, that will abate when you finally understand in a healthy, happy, balanced person who has removed the daggers from them, and has healed and grown.....Performance is the default, effortless state of nature

R