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Brandon Builds - Conversation with the ex-wife

Well my adventures might be on pause when I get back from NYC. I'll know officially this coming Tuesday and then will need to decide where I'm headed. I have some plans, but they are not worth relaying here until conclusive. I just hate the waiting in uncertainty. I like to immediately get started on next steps.

Otherwise, Spokane has been decent so far. I've run my munch the last couple weeks and people were SO thankful I was. Apparently I've not only been hitting on a need in Austin, but a need in the scene in general. After I ran the first here, people were already talking about it and I had some word of mouth people attend the second time. Really cool tbh. Also, it's cool to get status, and occasionally get laid from it, but it's also just fun to see kink newbies go from shy, quiet, and scared to opening up and excitedly sharing about themselves and making friends or partners. I don't know which I enjoy more. I already had a guy offer to takeover when I leave. That will be two cities I've established. Also had a guy who happens to be traveling to TX next week and told him to check out my group down there.

Went on a date on the 4th. We went to a beautiful park we have here. The sexual tension was just not there at all. I'll admit I did poorly on my part because we ended up sitting on a bench part way through but we're mostly observing outwards instead of looking at each other. Which means I took out my strongest asset: heavy eye contact. I carried most of the conversation, too. No biggie, but then it didn't make me want to put much effort into non verbal because I honestly just wasn't feeling it. She was living with her mom while she waited for the house to sell from her recent divorce and she's working two jobs, so logistics were just terrible for her. I was glad I have been practicing the two date rule because she would have been a girl I just pulled and probably ONS unless the sex was phenomenal. Im not sex starved. So instead I ended the date and texted her this morning I wasn't feeling the chemistry.

In the process of setting up a date with 33yo blonde who seems very feminine. Her Hinge profile had looking for monogamous life partner, but then I rolled in there and she's totally down for the short term summer fling trying out kinky stuff. Never make assumptions.
 
Bman, you are so damn impressive and inspiring.

Thanks for sharing your adventures with us. I learn something new, and find new goals to aim at, every time I read your log.

You've already gotten some great responses to your question about father-son relationships as an adult, so I hope you don't mind one more.

My father is the person that makes me feel like both the most important and the least important person in the world (to him).

I know he's always tried to do what is best for me, but he's also somewhere on the autism/PTSD spectrum and can take things personally, be extremely defensive and be obsessed with appearances.

Nowadays our relationship is hit or miss. He'll do incredibly generous things like offer my partner and I financial support if we want to get married and have kids, and the next I see him he'll lose his shit on me for answering a call from my brother (who almost never calls) before we are about to eat a meal, even though I hung up before he even sat down.

My father, like yours, is also very emotionally needy, and I feel like one of my main roles growing up was to emotionally parent him (mostly over the loss of his own father when he was only 13).
Only recently did I express a boundary on this and say that I would not continue suppressing my needs and feelings just to make him feel better.

But like I said, I know my father has always done his best and always tries to do what is best for me, even if his own insecurities and pain and loss make it difficult for him to emphasize with others needs at times.

The thing that probably helps my empathy for him the most these days is having the humility to admit that I mostly likely would have handled his life in a very similar way, maybe even less gracefully than he did.

Honestly, like you I'm still figuring out the day-to-day relationship I want to have with him, and in therapy I still regularly work on the ways he infuriates me, but like I said, I know his intentions are good, and soon he'll be gone, so lately I've just been trying to strengthen our bond and savor the time we have together, because soon he'll be gone (he's in his 70's) and all I'll have are memories, and either shame or peace about how I treated an imperfect man in an impossible situation who did his best with what he was given.
 
@Manly Cockfellow thank you for your insights. Its good to see you around again.

I think most parents are just that: imperfect humans doing the best they can, often for something entirely unplanned, with what they have.

I've stuck to my word and seen my father once a week while I have been here. During that time I've witnessed a man who has genuinely turned his mentality around to being a better man. There is some residual beliefs, such as seeing much of the world as the enemy, but I can't expect an entire 180 for a man in his 50's. However, he is becoming more of a man that I try to surround myself with which is making me warmer to building a relationship with him.

Expressing your boundaries with him, and any man really, is something that is required for him to respect you as an adult. It surely helped me when I did so.

Hope you find a healthy and loving balance in your relationship with your father.
 
New York City Trip

Still waiting on word about my van life travels. In one scenario I get to continue in WA and return to TX in the fall. In another I'm going back to TX fairly soon. Not mad about it all and have plans should that be the case.

In the meantime, I've just returned from a kickass trip to NYC. It was amazing to see old friends and make new ones all weekend. Spent quite a bit of time with @Ed_ and we had some great conversations just sitting in the park or getting coffee, talking about girls, life, and future goals. Also got to share some laughs and fun times with @MILFandCookies. Very grateful for you two. Also met a lot of new guys. On Saturday we had the WW/KYIL meetup which had 14 of us.

For the core group, all of us did day game or night game the whole weekend as we were out and about. Sometimes Ed and I would be waiting for an hour or so to meetup with some of the other guys, so we'd just do some approaches during that time. Then later in the evening everyone would go out to some bars after dinner, though I only did one night out since I like to go to bed early. It was a lot of fun doing it with a group of guys like that and great to have so much volume everywhere. It did not matter what part of the city you were in, there were girls to talk to. I certainly can see the allure to having that much volume all the time. It helped me to quickly see things I can be working on because you can have so many attempts in back to back succession.

Also got a chance to game in one of @pancakemouse, @loki, @Squilliam's spots in the city that they showed us. Couple things I observed by doing so:
  1. Just observing those guys behavior as compared to the rest of the guys I'd been hanging out with, there's definitely different leagues to this. Not because of difficulty, but rather towards mental energy and effort put towards practice and craft. Those who are consistently obsessing about practice are playing the major leagues. That's certainly the NYC boys. For a larger minority of us, including myself and a few of the guys on the trip, we're playing high end rec leagues, meaning its one of our favorite hobbies that we pour a good amount of time into to get better and enjoy the sport, but we're not relentless about it. The truth is, the majority of guys even on here are not even playing rec league. If you're still paralyzed by AA and not even doing at least 5+ sets during a day you're approaching, you're never going to make substantial progress.
  2. I started to understand some of what @pancakemouse means by some NYC girls are different than other places. Now I say some, because I just gamed wherever I was in the city that day, and for the most part got relatively the same as I do elsewhere. When I gamed in Soho though, the girls were more bratty. I noticed I had to be more aggressive to get their attention and even get into a meaningful set if I didn't want to get completely disregarded from the beginning, otherwise you were likely to get a hand in the face, not even lookup from their phone, or an eye roll. If he's gaming girls like this all the time, I can see why he says some of the things he does.
I'll jot down a few notable sets and some things I noted I could be working on.

Notable sets:
  • Blonde by Empire State Building: Very receptive. We walked a few blocks together before we stopped and chatted a bit. She was visiting friends for the weekend and we talked about some of our adventures so far in the city. I brought up the Museum of Sex because we had just went there earlier and figured it would move to conversation in a more sexual direction. Told her I was in town for a couple more nights and we should grab a drink. She gave a face like she wanted to and the said "ooohh, I really can't." Which I felt like I should have persisted, because it felt like there was a reason that could have been easily overturned and should have found out what that was.
  • Blonde "Good Girl": Cute girl who defiantly fits the good girl archetype I often match with. She was wearing a unique knitted top which made her look really innocent which I commented on. She was sweet. She happened to give me the recommendation for the Watertower rooftop bar that we ended up going to later. Asked her out and she said she'd really love but she had a boyfriend.
  • 2 Set on top of Watertower: First time doing nightgame because I'm an old man and doing sets together with a wing. Ed opened them and then I came in 30 seconds later to chat up the one he hadn't already squared up with. We bounced the conversation around the 4 of us until Ed started going down a thread with one of them. I was not super into the other one, but I kept her busy and she was asking me all kind of things, so I just practiced. Eventually I found they were out celebrating the other girls engagement, so I continued the convo for a little longer then ejected telling her I had to get back to our other friends. I leaned over telling Ed that I was going to find the other guys and then whispered in his ear that the one he was talking to was engaged.
  • 2 Ukrainian Girls at the Watertower: We were trying to get the other guys over their AA and get them talking to girls. So I pointed out these girls sitting by the pool and told them to approach. The one guy wanted to but was getting anxious and said he couldn't open. So I took the lead for him. They were on their phones so I told them that they looked like fun girls but they look boooored as shit which they both laughed about. I lead most the conversation, even after the other guy came. I struggled though keeping up with content and trying to kick out the conversation. Tried getting them to come out with us, but it didn't happen.
  • Red Dressed Australian in Greenwich: This girl was drop dead gorgeous red head in a red & white polka dot sundress, petite with great rack and plump lips, very feminine, and so my type. I was out in the morning just checking out architecture around the city and taking photos. She walked in front of me at the end of the sidewalk and stopped to take a photograph. Immediately in my head I said her dress was gorgeous, and as I walking up to her said just that without even a second thought about what to say or if I should approach her. I didn't even take the time to take out both headphones or turn my music off. For whatever reason I did the whole set with one headphone in still. I noticed myself eyeing the skin around her face and neck and being very turned on. I would have wrecked that girl. She was from Australia and just visiting for the weekend. We talked some about photography. I didn't think about it at the time, but I totally could have played around with her and had her model for me for some shots in the neighborhood, turning it into an instadate. I told her lets get drinks later and she mentioned she was busy with her friends. Again, I should have persisted but I just stop after the first objection like this.
  • Alt Girl in Soho: The first of half dozen encounters I'd have here where I'd just get the brattiest, annoyed face I've ever gotten. I noticed with each one I'd get a little less friendly and a little more aggressive/persistent. Not out of anger, but out of curiosity. Sort of like a video game challenge you just want to keep doing over and over again.
  • 2 German Blondes in Soho: Steven pointed out a couple beautiful blonde girls well dressed in tight, short black skirts. He told me to go open them and not to lie, I was slightly intimidated to do so, but I did and then he came in shortly after I was meandering with them and in conversation. One of them and I were mostly talking. Steven has asked what they do for fun here in the city and they said mostly this, meaning walking around and shopping. So I started teasing them, "C'mon. That's soooo boring. This is what you do for fun? C'mon. What's the good stuff? I know you get into some kind of trouble. What's the really fun stuff to do?" Again, trying to kick out the conversation some. She told us about some clubs and other shit. Asked her if they wanted to come out with us later that night and she said "I don't know, we have to check with out friends to see what we're doing." So I told her to give me her number and I'd text her later. "Weelll, I kinda have a boyfriend and I don't think he'd like that." Then for whatever reason I spat out "Are you suuurre?" And she nervously laughed and said "well... yeah... I think I'd be sure if I had a boyfriend or not." For originally being intimidated, I felt decent about the set even though it didn't go no where. Steven and I just laughed about it afterwards.
Things I need to work on:
  • Big one one is persistence. It's a cold approach. A lot of them are going to be on the fence with token objections initially. I'd like to practice persisting past those.
  • I need to spend some time crafting compelling stories for the most common topics of convo. I'm a decent conversationalist. I never have problems on dates. But the shorter interactions like this I could certainly spice things up and that will help with the content of convos.
  • I'm getting better at kicking out the conversation, but I need more practice. It would help if I spent time crafting a couple stacks like in Game Solved to do this.
  • Stopping them. Some I do, some I don't. But if I start walking with them, I often forget to try to stop them later. Specific reason I want to stop them is for better eye contact.
  • Even with significant breaks in between doing daygame, my AA is pretty low. I'm getting better at doing more intimidating sets and would like to continue to push myself to do so. Because honestly, the "intimidating" set is not any hard than a normal once you're in it.
  • Somewhere along the way of practicing, I feel like I have gotten a little more timid on the initial approach. Like my body language does not always feel as strong and voice not always projecting. I think it has mostly to do with I don't want to startle her. So just need to correct any negative habits I'm creating there.
  • This stuff is so much more fun with a good wing. I had a blast with Steven. Wherever I am, it would behoove me to get a wing I really vibe with. Preferably one who is more advanced than me, but still in the rec league.
  • Being calibrated to either be aggressive or friendly depending on the vibe of the girl, but always sexual.
Anyways, I had a blast. Thank you to all the guys that came out. I appreciate you and appreciate this community. Much love.
 
Last edited:
Bman said:
Expressing your boundaries with him, and any man really, is something that is required for him to respect you as an adult. It surely helped me when I did so.

Hope you find a healthy and loving balance in your relationship with your father.
Click to expand...
Wise words.

I hope the same for you!
 
Bman said:
New York City Trip

Still waiting on word about my van life travels. In one scenario I get to continue in WA and return to TX in the fall. In another I'm going back to TX fairly soon. Not mad about it all and have plans should that be the case.

In the meantime, I've just returned from a kickass trip to NYC. It was amazing to see old friends and make new ones all weekend. Spent quite a bit of time with @Ed_ and we had some great conversations just sitting in the park or getting coffee, talking about girls, life, and future goals. Also got to share some laughs and fun times with @MILFandCookies. Very grateful for you two. Also met a lot of new guys. On Saturday we had the WW/KYIL meetup which had 14 of us.

For the core group, all of us did day game or night game the whole weekend as we were out and about. Sometimes Ed and I would be waiting for an hour or so to meetup with some of the other guys, so we'd just do some approaches during that time. Then later in the evening everyone would go out to some bars after dinner, though I only did one night out since I like to go to bed early. It was a lot of fun doing it with a group of guys like that and great to have so much volume everywhere. It did not matter what part of the city you were in, there were girls to talk to. I certainly can see the allure to having that much volume all the time. It helped me to quickly see things I can be working on because you can have so many attempts in back to back succession.

Also got a chance to game in one of @pancakemouse, @loki, @Squilliam's spots in the city that they showed us. Couple things I observed by doing so:
  1. Just observing those guys behavior as compared to the rest of the guys I'd been hanging out with, there's definitely different leagues to this. Not because of difficulty, but rather towards mental energy and effort put towards practice and craft. Those who are consistently obsessing about practice are playing the major leagues. That's certainly the NYC boys. For a larger minority of us, including myself and a few of the guys on the trip, we're playing high end rec leagues, meaning its one of our favorite hobbies that we pour a good amount of time into to get better and enjoy the sport, but we're not relentless about it. The truth is, the majority of guys even on here are not even playing rec league. If you're still paralyzed by AA and not even doing at least 5+ sets during a day you're approaching, you're never going to make substantial progress.
  2. I started to understand some of what @pancakemouse means by some NYC girls are different than other places. Now I say some, because I just gamed wherever I was in the city that day, and for the most part got relatively the same as I do elsewhere. When I gamed in Soho though, the girls were more bratty. I noticed I had to be more aggressive to get their attention and even get into a meaningful set if I didn't want to get completely disregarded from the beginning, otherwise you were likely to get a hand in the face, not even lookup from their phone, or an eye roll. If he's gaming girls like this all the time, I can see why he says some of the things he does.
I'll jot down a few notable sets and some things I noted I could be working on.

Notable sets:
  • Blonde by Empire State Building: Very receptive. We walked a few blocks together before we stopped and chatted a bit. She was visiting friends for the weekend and we talked about some of our adventures so far in the city. I brought up the Museum of Sex because we had just went there earlier and figured it would move to conversation in a more sexual direction. Told her I was in town for a couple more nights and we should grab a drink. She gave a face like she wanted to and the said "ooohh, I really can't." Which I felt like I should have persisted, because it felt like there was a reason that could have been easily overturned and should have found out what that was.
  • Blonde "Good Girl": Cute girl who defiantly fits the good girl archetype I often match with. She was wearing a unique knitted top which made her look really innocent which I commented on. She was sweet. She happened to give me the recommendation for the Watertower rooftop bar that we ended up going to later. Asked her out and she said she'd really love but she had a boyfriend.
  • 2 Set on top of Watertower: First time doing nightgame because I'm an old man and doing sets together with a wing. Ed opened them and then I came in 30 seconds later to chat up the one he hadn't already squared up with. We bounced the conversation around the 4 of us until Ed started going down a thread with one of them. I was not super into the other one, but I kept her busy and she was asking me all kind of things, so I just practiced. Eventually I found they were out celebrating the other girls engagement, so I continued the convo for a little longer then ejected telling her I had to get back to our other friends. I leaned over telling Ed that I was going to find the other guys and then whispered in his ear that the one he was talking to was engaged.
  • 2 Ukrainian Girls at the Watertower: We were trying to get the other guys over their AA and get them talking to girls. So I pointed out these girls sitting by the pool and told them to approach. The one guy wanted to but was getting anxious and said he couldn't open. So I took the lead for him. They were on their phones so I told them that they looked like fun girls but they look boooored as shit which they both laughed about. I lead most the conversation, even after the other guy came. I struggled though keeping up with content and trying to kick out the conversation. Tried getting them to come out with us, but it didn't happen.
  • Red Dressed Australian in Greenwich: This girl was drop dead gorgeous red head in a red & white polka dot sundress, petite with great rack and plump lips, very feminine, and so my type. I was out in the morning just checking out architecture around the city and taking photos. She walked in front of me at the end of the sidewalk and stopped to take a photograph. Immediately in my head I said her dress was gorgeous, and as I walking up to her said just that without even a second thought about what to say or if I should approach her. I didn't even take the time to take out both headphones or turn my music off. For whatever reason I did the whole set with one headphone in still. I noticed myself eyeing the skin around her face and neck and being very turned on. I would have wrecked that girl. She was from Australia and just visiting for the weekend. We talked some about photography. I didn't think about it at the time, but I totally could have played around with her and had her model for me for some shots in the neighborhood, turning it into an instadate. I told her lets get drinks later and she mentioned she was busy with her friends. Again, I should have persisted but I just stop after the first objection like this.
  • Alt Girl in Soho: The first of half dozen encounters I'd have here where I'd just get the brattiest, annoyed face I've ever gotten. I noticed with each one I'd get a little less friendly and a little more aggressive/persistent. Not out of anger, but out of curiosity. Sort of like a video game challenge you just want to keep doing over and over again.
  • 2 German Blondes in Soho: Steven pointed out a couple beautiful blonde girls well dressed in tight, short black skirts. He told me to go open them and not to lie, I was slightly intimidated to do so, but I did and then he came in shortly after I was meandering with them and in conversation. One of them and I were mostly talking. Steven has asked what they do for fun here in the city and they said mostly this, meaning walking around and shopping. So I started teasing them, "C'mon. That's soooo boring. This is what you do for fun? C'mon. What's the good stuff? I know you get into some kind of trouble. What's the really fun stuff to do?" Again, trying to kick out the conversation some. She told us about some clubs and other shit. Asked her if they wanted to come out with us later that night and she said "I don't know, we have to check with out friends to see what we're doing." So I told her to give me her number and I'd text her later. "Weelll, I kinda have a boyfriend and I don't think he'd like that." Then for whatever reason I spat out "Are you suuurre?" And she nervously laughed and said "well... yeah... I think I'd be sure if I had a boyfriend or not." For originally being intimidated, I felt decent about the set even though it didn't go no where. Steven and I just laughed about it afterwards.
Things I need to work on:
  • Big one one is persistence. It's a cold approach. A lot of them are going to be on the fence with token objections initially. I'd like to practice persisting past those.
  • I need to spend some time crafting compelling stories for the most common topics of convo. I'm a decent conversationalist. I never have problems on dates. But the shorter interactions like this I could certainly spice things up and that will help with the content of convos.
  • I'm getting better at kicking out the conversation, but I need more practice. It would help if I spent time crafting a couple stacks like in Game Solved to do this.
  • Stopping them. Some I do, some I don't. But if I start walking with them, I often forget to try to stop them later. Specific reason I want to stop them is for better eye contact.
  • Even with significant breaks in between doing daygame, my AA is pretty low. I'm getting better at doing more intimidating sets and would like to continue to push myself to do so. Because honestly, the "intimidating" set is not any hard than a normal once you're in it.
  • Somewhere along the way of practicing, I feel like I have gotten a little more timid on the initial approach. Like my body language does not always feel as strong and voice not always projecting. I think it has mostly to do with I don't want to startle her. So just need to correct any negative habits I'm creating there.
  • This stuff is so much more fun with a good wing. I had a blast with Steven. Wherever I am, it would behoove me to get a wing I really vibe with. Preferably one who is more advanced than me, but still in the rec league.
  • Being calibrated to either be aggressive or friendly depending on the vibe of the girl, but always sexual.
Anyways, I had a blast. Thank you to all the guys that came out. I appreciate you and appreciate this community. Much love.
Click to expand...
Hell yeah man! It was such a fun time, great to catch up with you ❤️
 
I'll have a larger writeup here soon of my 2 months in Spokane, including establishing another munch that will continue after I leave, setting up travels with Bumble Girl in Seattle, and creating a better relationship with my father.

But wanted to write this down for keepsake. Just had my last night with the MILF here in Spokane. She had made a couple small requests before we met up today, one being that I would take a couple pics or video record her this evening so she could send it to her primary partner. I requested that she worship my body and cock this evening. Because I also published the recent article on Tantra on my FetLife, she told me she watched one of the demo videos from it and would be eager to do it on me this evening. Always finding new ways to train my girls.

We fucked in the back of the van for a few hours. She did an excellent job at worshipping, and I'll say, I'm going to train all my girls in the future to handle my cock like that. Then went two rounds with her and got pretty aggressive and used her. Need to remember to throw the parking brake on if I'm going to plow that hard. After the second round when I came, she held me tight inside her and started crying. So I held her and told her it was ok, she was beautiful, thank you for being vulnerable and showing me this. After I brought her down from the emotional and orgasmic high, she thanked me. She told me that whole experience was a gift. She said that our time together had helped heal something for her. Which she is divorced from a dead marriage, so I'm sure I did. She rubbed my face and my body as we lay there and said that she was tracing them so she could store in her memory. This is yet another girl who've I've made cry and supposedly emotionally helped by fucking them. Talk about giving a man a complex.

Afterwards we chatted about my next adventures. She said she forgets my age because I'm so ambitious and mature that it doesn't feel like I'm that young. She stroked my ego and said I have so much life ahead of me and am going to accomplish so many great things. I also laughed about telling her a couple small tattoos I'm getting next week, one being the "Lady Killer" perk from Fallout. She just smirked, and I could see on her face she was both appalled and liked it, and shook her head yes.

She shared with me about some of dates she had recently been on, not in detail because I don't care to hear about it. She mentioned that a partner of hers is taking her to our fanciest hotel in our downtown next weekend. And yet, none of them are fucking her like I did. In fact, she mentioned she might pass along some of my content to them. I try to avoid of thinking of myself as special so that 1) I stay humble. 2) I continue to pass on whatever I learn or gain. But damn, seriously, is it that rare? It must be, because we fucked in the back of my van every time and not a single word about it. She didn't care. She was getting something she can't get anywhere else.

But alas, I leave for Seattle next Wednesday. Another city. Another girl. Another heart stolen. This cowboy must ride on.
 
Update - 2 Months in Spokane

Hey boys. I’m officially in Seattle. Just got back from a 3 day silent meditation retreat on the Olympic coast in the rainforest. It was a fantastic experience. I wouldn’t say I had any mind blowing insights, but rather just deepened my meditation practice and sat in a state of inner peace for most of the weekend. The Dharma talks were particularly helpful about bringing back the practicality of buddhism for me. Right now, everything seems to bother me so much less. Anyways, as promised, here’s my update from my last city.

What I Said I Was Going to Do

To start, here’s a recap of what I thought I was going to accomplish, and what actually happened.
  • Visiting my mom, closing open loops - Saw her three times. Once for her birthday. It’s hard to visit her in her mental state. But I did my best. I did let her know I won’t be having children, which of course was hard for her because she wants to be a grandmother.
  • Visiting my dad, closing open loops - I stuck to my word and visited my father at least once a week. We took a camping trip together and got tattoos together. This was probably the most rewarding part of this leg of the trip. Our relationship is better than any other time in my life. What changed it for me was seeing he is making an effort to be a better man; which, those are the type of men I want around me. He also respected as my own man the entire time. I will continue to nurture this.
  • Attending a wedding of one of the men in my men’s group - It was a beautiful wedding. It made me miss some of the deep romanticism of having a ride or die girl. Yet, I was able to appreciate its beauty and still not desire it (at least in that way).
  • Visiting couple guys in my men’s group, deepening our connection - This was also great. I saw each one individually a few times, and then took a camping trip with them and their ladies and kiddos. Very fulfilling.
  • Visiting old friends, closing open loops - Visited my best friend from when I was younger. It was cool to see how happy he was being a dad. Again, I could appreciate it’s beauty, and still confidently say I didn’t want that.
  • Probably setting up vasectomy for when I visit Seattle - Didn’t do. Will setup for back in Austin.
  • Practicing Shibari. - Didn’t do. Just didn’t make time for it among the other things.
  • Running my munch - Did do. I’ve established my munch in another city and have someone continuing to run it after I’ve left. I was not there long enough to reap the long term benefits, but they were starting to manifest themselves just like in Austin. We’ll see what comes of this when I’ve got a network of these going.
  • Running the professional meetup - Tried doing. To small of a city and I’ve just not found the right entry gate for this to make it a success. I’m trying to do it for nonprofits. I think its going to take more time than I’m able to in a few months. Will try again once back in Austin.
  • Try and setup some shoots - Models are flakier than dates. @MILFandCookies knows. Any shoot I tried to setup fell through.
Directions & Goals

During my time in Spokane I had some tax and logistical issues come up around work. Long story short, I can’t be bouncing around as much. I was pushed to choose two states that I would want to be working in. I mentioned before that I was looking for a semblance of a “home”. Well between the benefits of TX & WA including weather (depending on time of year), geography, relationships, network, and economics, those two combined make me pretty content. So my plan is to return to Austin after Seattle and then snow bird back and forth every six months. TX & WA will serve as home base and I’ll take an excursion every so often to other places, but won’t be doing the multiple month stints in those places. I mentioned a PhD before, and they may pull me somewhere else for a some years, but right now these feel like home.

This plan fits better with my other goals with relationships, business, and community which require you to be in a place long enough to see those compounds. Don’t get me wrong, the freedom of traveling is great, but it comes at a cost. I’d prefer to have relative freedom over absolute freedom if it means having deeper relationships and building larger communities.

I’ll still keep the van and probably will just house hop for a while doing house sits. I’m doing some here in Seattle and it seems a great way to get to stay in huge houses and not pay rent.

Couple other brief mentions: I’m in the middle of working with lawyers to get official 501c3 status with the government for the nonprofit. Also decided to start doing sex & relationship coaching as well as further establishing the brand I’m building in the kink community. You’ll see some articles from time to time I’ll drop here from that like the recent Tantra article.

Girls

Saw a couple girls consistently while there. Went on a couple more dates with others. One I was not into, so I didn’t pull or pursue further. Second I was into and logistics got fucked between schedules, me going to new york, her on her period, and where to have sex. Honestly, sex in the van is not optimal or glamorous. I did it, but it's much better in a room. Lol. So this is pushing me to want to do the house sitting thing here. The girls I saw there were cool, but not any long term potential beyond that. So I just enjoyed my time with them and appreciated it for what it was.

Was a little bummed I was leaving right as my munch was starting to really pick up. Had a hot OF girl come to one that I ended matching with on Hinge too. Unfortunately I was too busy with weekend trips and dealing with my solar generator taking a shit and waiting for a replacement. Also had a hot petite redhead come to my last one who DM’ed me afterwards and I had to deliver the bad news I was leaving in a couple days.

I also had a phone call with Bumble Girl. We set plans for her to visit Seattle for a couple weeks in Sept. I look forward to seeing her and having a little romance. She’s planning to be a nomad in South America for a year and then not sure where she’ll be going; so unfortunately I won’t get to deepen that relationship when I return to Austin. So I’ll enjoy it for what it is.

I’ve reflected on my experiment of waiting for the second date to pull and avoiding ONS. I think it was enough to help me get a better understanding of what states of feeling I have with a girl when on a date, and discern if it's sex merely for consumption or if I’d want to build a connection. I did start to get annoyed with my own rule, because for one of the dates I went on I knew immediately I wanted to have sex and keep seeing her. I feel confident I will be able to discern between the two and can return to one date.

Adventures in Spokane

A lot of time was spent just visiting people in their homes or at a park or something. But I did a few cool trips:
  • Visited and hiked Kootenai Falls
  • Explored Gardner Cave, WA largest limestone cave
  • Camped at the beautiful lake at Boundary Dam
  • Went to Hoopfest, the world's largest 3 on 3 basketball tournament (one of 3 claims to fame for our city)
  • Took a small side quest to the other side of the country - NYC
Also got a couple new tattoos - the Intelligence perk and the Lady Killer perk from Fallout.

Tips on Spokane

I’ll spare the tips on Spokane, because you’re not visiting there anytime soon. You’d be surprised though (everyone is) Spokane is a great small city and is the hidden gem of Eastern WA.

I did daygame one day at our night market in Kendall Yards. It's full of young professionals and recent graduates from one of many universities or colleges in the area. Worth it.

What’s Next?

On the agenda:
  • Meditation retreat (already did)
  • Men’s group retreat
  • Deepening my relationship with one the other men’s group guys here in Seattle
  • Trying out house hopping
  • Setting up another munch
  • Exploring the scene here thoroughly. From what I can tell, it’s pretty vibrant. I’ve already put a couple events on the calendar for an erotic photography group where photographers and models mingle and hang out for a few hours shooting erotic photos. The OF girl from Spokane also told me the parties here are pretty good and the people are beautiful. We’ll see.
  • Couple weeks of adventures with Bumble Girl
  • Explore a lot of Western WA. I never really did that when I was younger so there is a lot to see. Might try to hike Mt Rainier
  • Get in touch with Natedawg and visit his meetup.
  • Daygame. City is big and active enough that I can do this more.
  • New city, new ladies.
Much love, gents.
 
Lay - Vet Girl

26yo 6’2” slim Ukrainian blonde. She's only been in the US for about a year. Very direct, respectful, sweet, soft and feminine, and in her words, “naturally submissive”.

Pretty textbook lay. Only thing that was unique about the process was pulling to the van on a first date.

Matched on Hinge. Super straightforward texting. Her texting style was a little different and made me think she might be on the spectrum a bit. When I was texting her she did ask what I thought about her height. I told her that it didn't bother me if that's what she was asking. I assumed that she was insecure about it. Didn't even cross my mind that I was shorter. Never does.

We met at one of the giant parks here in Seattle with huge trees and lots of different vegetation. She was a reverse catfish and looked way cuter in person than her pics. Beautiful tall slender body. She wore a sweater, but I found out later she had wonderfully proportionate perky tits to match. We walked around the park up to a lookout with bench and sat down to chat.

I spent a lot of the discussion before talking about sex just learning about her culture and what the culture shock for her was like when she moved. She had a very conservative family but is a liberal girl (no surprise moving to Seattle). Her family is all back in Ukraine and she moved here for her veterinarian career. As we spoke she affirmed what I would say with a respectful tone “mhmm, oh I see” but she would get shy and struggled keeping eye contact for more than a few seconds. When she would keep eye contact, she would blush, giggle, and then turn away, sometimes apologizing as she giggled again.

Eventually I moved the conversation to dating and sex. She told me she's had a couple partners, but not many and a bit inexperienced. She told me she got Hinge just as one way to start making friends in the new country. Our legs were touching now. I moved the conversation to sex and BDSM. She told me she appreciated how open and direct I was about being into kink because she said most people aren't or the ones that are gave her creeper vibe. She said I very much did not.

We talked about her experience, which is little to none, and what she was into. She told me about a guy she had met on Tinder who was into D/s she sexted a lot but said he was “all talk and no action” as she giggled to herself about dissing him. I shared some of my experiences. She also told me she was a very sexual girl but never really gets to express it since its not socially acceptable in Ukraine. She also asked about nonmongamy, particularly because it's very taboo in Ukraine, so I explained how I like to do things which she was ok with.

By now she had shifted her whole body towards me. As we spoke, there were plenty of silences. I didn't fill them or rush the conversation. Most of the time I'd just lookout and admire the beautiful view we had. When I would look at her, she would giggle, get shy, and then fan herself with her hands, and say “hwoo, I'm ok.” I told her it was cute. During one of the silences I reached over and took her hand.

After the conversation took a natural end and a silence, I told her to come here and started making out with her. She kissed so softly, I loved it. She grabbed my chest and legs a lot while we kissed. I'd pause and pull back occasionally and she comment how much she was melting. We held our foreheads together a few times in between kissing and groping each other. She told me she was really enjoying making out, but was a little nervous about doing it in the park. I told her we can either go back to her place or back to the van. She said her place was a mess. To the van it is then.

Luckily I was smart enough to walk us in a loop that would make a short walk back to the van if things worked out. We got back, she met my pup, and we crawled in. Let me tell you, having sex with a 6’2” girl in a van you can't fully stand in is quite the acrobatics. She was great though. We had sex until it was dark out, all the cars in the parking lot had left, and a huge thunderstorm had come. After our first round I had started talking to her and she had to apologize because she said her brain had melted and words were incomprehensible. After our second she laughed when she realized she was in a van. She said “I totally forgot I was in a car. It's so cozy in here.”

Afterwards I got my jacket from my closet for her to wear over her head and I grabbed a towel for mine. Walked her back to the other side of the parking lot in the pouring rain. The drive back to my regular parking spot was an adventure as the highway had tons of standing water and you could barely see even with the wipers on full blast. So when I got to my spot, I texted her I had fun and to tell me when she made it home safely. She did and then sent me photos of all the marks I had left on her body from biting and scratching her telling me how much she loved them.

This week I have a rescheduled date with 22yo blonde who was profusely sorry for having to reschedule, a 23 yo mixed girl, and a green haired, dark lip sticked, goth baddie from FetLife.

It's good to be back in business.
 
Lay - Goth Girl

35yo short, green haired, green tattooed, goth style with heavy makeup and piercings

Added her on FL and messaged her. Convo went smooth, got her number, and had to set the date a week out. Normally I don't text much pass logistics but with it being so far out, when she texted I would engage a couple texts and then stop responding for a while.

Went to a different park in the city. She ended up getting off work late so had to wait an extra hour so she could go home and shower. She didn't show up in her regular makeup getup, still cute but it's crazy how much makeup changes a look.

She was a bit socially awkward and anxious. Not a great conversation partner either. This is one where I think walking the entire date helped, because I think the tension of eye contact and touching on the date may have been too much for her. You can tell she's had some trauma in her life.

She recently got out of a 15 year marriage, moved up to WA from TX, and rebuilding her career. She was sort of paradoxical in that sometimes she was negative about things, and other times very accepting and adamant about bettering her life. Also learned she was big into Stoic philosophy.

We just strolled through the park along the waterfront and chatted. I brought up kink some, but didn't broach the topic too much. I'd already seen her Fet and knew she was a very kinky girl. When we got back to the parking lot she had parked right next to me, so I simply invited her in the van.

As we were making out, she told me she hadn't had sex since the 2.5 years since the divorce and has only had 3 partners. I told her it was OK and we let me know if you need to slow down at any point. She shook her head no.

A kinky a girl indeed with a very small and tight pussy. Honestly didn't last as long as I normally do.

She was still a bit awkward afterwards and was not sure how to receive affection or intimate touch. But was able to relax.

Not a girl I'd want to hang out with all the time, but the sex is good and suspect we can do some really kinky things together, so ok seeing her every so often.

In other news, had a 23yo girl cancel on me Monday for quote “You're really hot and super sweet, but I get too emotionally attached and don't think I can do this.” You're right, probably for the best honey.

22yo blonde sent me photos from her modeling. She's apparently a Harley promo girl an is pretty damn hot to be honest. Date with her Sunday.

Have other matches but been turning a lot away for little things like mismatched schedules or like 45+ mins away. It's an abundant city and I get to be picky.
 
Bman said:
Lay - Goth Girl
Click to expand...
Following up on this.

Last night after she left she texted me she really enjoyed the affection and was eating it up. I told her I was glad. I sent the I had fun text the next morning and hoped she had fun at her concert. She then sent back she had fun and wished I could come to the concert with her. Then she asked if I might be thinking about coming back to Seattle after my next trip elsewhere. Said I'd probably be back next summer. Then she said "back to Austin then?"

And my gut instinct said to just stop things right here. I don't know, it just gave me clingy and stalker vibes. I went back and forth on it, giving some rational explanation to ending things vs not ending things, and said I ought to listen to my gut. So screenshotted my convos and sent as cordial texts as I could.

I know I'm going to be the asshole in this situation. I don't feel good about it. But my gut told me if you continue with her, building more of a connection, its going to be worse in 2 months. Rip the bandaid now. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but I felt like the right thing to do. Told my friend that it's just law of large numbers, you're bound to come in contact with one eventually.
 
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Lay - Harley Girl

22yo blonde, petite, small town girl from the midwest, ex competitive cheerleader and now models for Harley.

Ended the week with the 3rd pull to the van.

Matched on Hinge and this girl was a breeze to get scheduled. We had to schedule a week out and there was minimal texting. She had to cancel the first time because her family randomly showed up for the weekend. She profusely apologized (always a good sign). So we had to schedule another week out. Still a breeze. As we were scheduling she was mentioning her modeling event she had to go to on Sat, so I inquired, sent my IG of photos I've taken, she sent over some of her model photos. She defiantly got some brownie points for that. She also had to take a 1 hour ferry ride across the water to come see me, and not one gripe. What a doll.

It was a gorgeous sunny day, so we met at the popular beach here. I planned on walking around, but when she arrived, we just sat down and immediately started chatting. The convo was nothing more than to get us warmed up to each other. We could have entirely skipped the convo to be honest. But we were laughing and enjoying each other's company. She's a very laid back girl and just fun to chill with.

We were talking about kinks and she drops that she has a breeding kink, BUT she's not on birth control but does tracking of her natural cycle. Good thing I have an iron rule of condoms no matter what, otherwise the temptation...

She also has a being owned/ marked kink which I told her was a very good thing since I was going to leave her body marks everywhere.

Have 0 idea how long the date was, but I simply gave her the option that we can go back to the van or she can wait till later in the week when I'm doing another housesit. Told her either was fine with me. She wanted to go back to the van.

I was a bit tired so bummed I couldn't do two rounds but god was that girl fun... We talked about her coming over to the house I'm sitting next weekend. I sure hope so because I would love to have a proper bedroom with her. When she texted me earlier the model photos, she seemed keen to do some erotic ones. Hoping to do a shibari harness on her.

We had to get her back to her car so she could catch the ferry back. So we took a 15 min walk to her car. I found out she did 10 years of competitive cheer. So I asked if she still had the outfit. She said yes, somewhere, and she might have to dig it out for me. Thank you, universe. A hot yes girl? You're too good to me.

Honestly, it's something about Seattle. It's abundant. Which is paradoxical because they literally have something here called the "Seattle Freeze" meaning people don't date and don't make friends. I think it's the culture though. It's very liberal and people don't do confrontation, impose on others, and super friendly (maybe even fake friendly). I went to a store yesterday and was asked to put a mask on. Haha.

It's been a breeze doing van life here because I can park almost anywhere and no one says anything. I parked right in front of this persons house, they came out on their porch, we made eye contact as I was brushing my teeth before the date, they went back inside. Came back later with Harley Girl and fucked her brains out in the back.

My point is, I think I'm a breath of fresh air, or rather masculinity, for these girls.

Anyways, I have another date on Wednesday with a 24yo blonde who seems to have a bad girl attitude to her (also thank you Seattle for all these blondes). I'm hoping that one goes well too and that she's bisexual, because that would just be *chef's kiss* for a threesome. But getting ahead of myself. Also setting up another date with a 26yo short, kinky, cosplay girl from feeld.

And haven't even started my munch here yet... Sheesh.

If it didn't get so damn dreary here with a lack of sunshine most of the year, I might consider staying longer. Just another day in the van adventures.
 
Year 3: Junior Review

It’s that time of year again for me. My men’s retreat is at the beginning of October, so it’s time to reflect on what I’ve accomplished and learned.

Since the forum transition left some links broken, these posts may not have everything linked correctly, but here are Year 1 & Year 2.

What I accomplished this year:
  • 12 new lays (4 social circle, 3 FetLife, 1 Bumble, 2 Feeld, 2 Hinge)
  • Harem at its peak with 5 girls before I left Austin
  • BDSM Munch established in 2 cities
  • 4 boudoir/erotic photography shoots
  • FetLife 380+ friends & 230+ followers
  • Became a mod for WinnerWithin
  • Traveled from Austin to Denver, Spokane, New York, & Seattle.
  • Met dozens of guys from the forums along the way and cold approached with some
  • Deepened friendships with the Austin crew on NYC trip
  • Saw dozens of sights and mini adventures everywhere I traveled including both coasts of the US
  • Pulled multiple times to van, which was a whole new experience for me
  • Got closure on a lot of old chapters with my ex wife, old friends, and parents, all which have great friendships now
  • Deepened my friendships with the men in men’s group and added 2 more guys
  • Started offering sex & relationship coaching and had two clients; created dozens of pieces of content so far
  • Also worth mentioning, outside of dating, my startup is officially a 501c3 non-profit, has 3 board members and will have 2 more in the future, and we’re working on putting together a major donor strategy for raising 250k for year one’s budget.
Brief reflection:

I find it funny that I had about the same amount of lays despite me traveling around a ton and thinking that might hinder me. In terms of girls, on average they were quality and some of the best connections I’ve had so far. When I return to Austin, I look forward to seeing just how some of those connections reignite.

I’m quite happy with where my FetLife and status in the kink scene is taking me. I started putting work into FetLife because 1) I’m kinky and 2) I did not like how much energy was always wasted on the apps. If you don’t get the girl on a date from an app, the energy to procure that lead is essentially lost. However, with FetLife, I still get to keep some of the effort put in. I got to reap so many benefits from this from girls sliding into my DM’s to actual lays, and the effort will only keep compounding.

It was fantastic to start my munch again in a new city and have someone excited about taking it over when I left. I’ve said this before, but I’d like to focus on more higher end play parties now, so I may try to get that going when I return to Austin.

Being thrust into a new lifestyle when I began van life was difficult. I had the van breakdown a couple of times, dealt with my solar generator taking a shit for about a month, and just the daily uncertainty of “where do I park/cook/charge/hookup with girls/ect.” It was exhausting at times. However, I’ve seen more friends, seen more places, and had more experiences in 6 months than I’ve had any other year, ever. It has been incredibly fulfilling and I am finally getting used to the lifestyle where I can enjoy the benefits while not spending much mental energy on the downsides. Starting to do house sits in very nice homes has made it much more manageable and enjoyable, too. I look forward to how I continue to maximize this lifestyle.

I was quite worried that living in a van would hinder my ability to pull, and have been pleasantly surprised about how easy it was. If they dig you, they dig you, and they don’t care where you’ll be hooking up.

There was also a part of me that wanted to prove to myself that Austin was not a fluke. That I could, in fact, have similar success in another city. Seattle has been a blessing for that.

Shoutout to the community. I’m honored and grateful I was asked to be a part of the mod team for the new forums.

What I learned

This year’s lessons section will be shorter, only because much of the dating lessons were remembrance of the fundamentals. They are covered in my journey previously in this log. Also, I’m sharing more lessons in my articles these days than in my logs. However, here are a few that stood out to me this year.

Lesson: Push the interaction as far as it will go.
  • I read Game Solved this year and one of the lessons that stood out to me was that every interaction you have with a girl, you should push it as far as it will go. Get the hard no. The author not only met this in terms of getting the number or date, but even after you got the lay. The concept is to help you not be afraid to keep asking or seeing what more there is.
  • Examples I distinctly remember implementing this were on a couple of approaches, I got the “sorry, I have a boyfriend” and I asked if they were open relationships. Small, but one girl told me she actually had a boyfriend and girlfriend. So I told her there was room for one more.
  • Another good example was making plans and inviting one of my harem girls to travel to me in another city after I left Austin.
Lesson: It’s all just trade offs.
  • This insight came to me after having traveled to multiple cities and met girls in those cities. It applies to all areas of your life. No matter where you go or who you are with, you will always have to compromise. One city or one girl may be great in one area, and shitty in another. So you go to find a different one only to find out they have trade offs too. There are no utopias and there are no perfect beings. Eventually you have to make a choice about what you’re willing to compromise on.
Lesson: It’s worth revisiting the outcomes of past significant life decisions in the present day.
  • Every city I traveled to I visited people that were part of old selves. For example, my ex-wife, friends from high school, friends from college, and distant relatives. What is significant about doing so is observing their life and being able to place yourself in their shoes, assessing whether if you had not made the decision you made years ago, you might be in a similar situation. It brought me incredible confidence in myself during a time when I’d uprooted my lifestyle yet again to pursue a life that most would not.
Lesson: Invest in relationships.
  • Building relationships is about quality and quantity of time spent together in person. Traveling allowed me to do that with many more people than I have ever before. I focused on building old relationships rather than creating new ones; however, I was blessed to have made some great new friends as well. It was one of the most fulfilling undertakings this year and will continue to pay dividends for years to come.
Lesson: Status compounds.
  • Every time I rolled into a new city, I was more easily able to contact girls in that city because of the work I had put in previously on my FetLife. When I went to start a new munch, it was easier to do because I had evidence of doing it before in another city. I’m still relatively small in comparison to others, but I don’t think it’s out of the question that in a few short years I’ll be invited to national conferences and other special events, considering I got invited to a few in Austin. With that comes the rewards behind closed doors and the hottest girls of that scene.
  • Obviously that applies to the BDSM scene, but the concept of status applies to any scene/ community. You put in the work, you get recognized, you get higher positions, you reap the rewards.
Lesson: Trust yourself. You’ll figure it out.
  • This lesson is for all the newbies who feel they need to have every detail figured out before they move to a new city, get a new job, pursue some new goal, or whatever you keep turning your wheels about. When I started van life, I had a rough idea about how it would go, but there were so many unforeseen variables that it would have been debilitating to even comprehend in the beginning. While doing your due diligence to prepare is admirable, you also need to trust yourself that you will figure things out. Everything is ok. Everything will be ok.
—

Year 4: Senior

Priority 1: Business

For those interested in what I’m building, it’s a non-profit, online university with a mission to provide free education for the betterment of humanity. We match students' passions with global challenges, teaching them skills not taught at traditional universities.

Next year I’ll be mostly in fundraising mode raising our first 250k to develop a bachelors program. I’m hoping my skills in relationship building will come in handy as I schmooze major donors.

I’ll also be applying for a couple PhD programs. To have your university accredited, someone on the team needs to be a PhD. Welp, I suppose that will be me.

Additionally, I’ll be growing my fledgling sex and relationship coaching business. Considering my main thing is a non-profit, this allows for a backup and uncapped revenue stream. Plus the status benefits for dating. Risky business mixing education and sex, but I think I’ll manage.

Priority 2: Spirituality

During my travels I took a 3 day silent meditation retreat with one of the men in my men’s group. It pointed out a semi undeveloped part of my life. In the past month I’ve been studying non-dual tantra Shaivism or also known as Kashmir Shaivism which some of its teachings have really resonated with me. I’ve also increased my meditation practice to an hour each morning before breakfast. I’ll be studying that more next year and implementing some of the spiritual practices.

Priority 3: Deeper Relationships

Look, the game is fun, but it’s tiring after a while. I also miss some of the romance of an LTR and the ability to go much deeper with someone both sexually and emotionally than you can really do even with a solid FWB. That said, it’s extremely unlikely I will do monogamy again. So what I’m ideally aiming for next year are long term partners.

I’m also going to be focusing a lot more on priority one and two above, and I’d like to recoup the time spent on going on dates and such to be funneled there.
Now part of my plan next year is to snowbird between Austin & Seattle every 6 mos. I don’t entirely know how that will work with more serious relationships, if I’ll have sets of girls in each city, or what. Remember the lesson: trust yourself. You’ll figure it out.

My hope is that one of those relationships is Politics Girl when I return to Austin. We’ll see. I’d have done the same with Bumble Girl, but she’s a wanderlust and will be off traveling south America. Whatever happens, I’m ok if I need to procure and build new relationships.

—

Given my lifestyle, I anticipate I’ll have more new lays in the coming future. However, I won’t be doing reports for those anymore because I believe I’ve said all that needs to be said there, and as it’s not my focus right now so I don’t want the external validation feedback loop. If I happen to have some new milestone, like a threesome or cold approach lay, I’ll report that.

I’ll continue reporting any strategies I find useful, particularly pertaining to FetLife and Social Circle as those are my favorite sources. I’ve already been in touch with the leader I appointed back in Austin and he's created alliances with two other groups and they are holding a big Halloween play party. Plus he’s already ready to hand back the reins. I’m quite happy to see the group has grown in influence and that I was skilled enough to pick a competent leader while I was away who’s also humble enough to relinquish power.

As always, thank you guys for your support, advice, encouragement, and camaraderie this year. I hope that I’m able to keep serving and giving value to you so we may all succeed.
 
Brandon you are bringing so much value to these forums.

Thank you.

Congrats on your accomplishments & good luck with the new goals!
 
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