Brandon Builds - Conversation with the ex-wife

[ImChuckBass]

Yes I use condoms everytime. I actually think this is a bit of detriment possibly because I lose a bit of sensation with it so I'm not fully connected with the feeling. Back when I was having sex with my ex wife, and not using condoms, I could consciously lean into the feeling and have a bit of better control. I knew when the edge of no return was coming a lot sooner.

I have exactly the same experience. The reduced sensation helps me to last longer, but sometimes it's so reduced that I lose my erection. I find my mind sometimes wandering during sex because the pleasure through the condom isn't good enough. If anyone has any tips or insights please do share.

 

[MILFandCookies]

Then 1 hour before sex I am taking
10g of L-Citruline
1-2g of salt

Meant to try this and totally spaced on it yesterday. Will give it a whirl. Thanks.

engaging in dirty talking/emotional talking helps

Sometimes this will get me more aroused, especially if she is doing it back.

Probably meditation and active meditation while doing kegels are good trainings

I meditate everyday in the morning consistently. Tried getting in the practice of doing one in the afternoon/evening but usually let my schedule get the best of me.

Have not thought about doing meditation while doing kegels. This is a good tip because I sometimes will lose awareness of my breathing during sex, but if I can tie the muscle contraction with conscious breathing I can get better control of it just like any other muscle in the gym.

Thanks for the advice. Will work on getting a better routine with these and trying the active meditation with kegels.

Sex God Method

Great suggestion. Yes I've read this and actively incorporate.

For clarification, with foreplay the whole experience is well into an hour or more. Its the actual intercourse stimulation I want to extend longer. And usually am switching positions.

Get in touch with your own desires and make sex fun for YOU

Biggest thing I'm currently working on. Thanks for the suggestions!

My pleasure. I'm glad you're on a good path. Keep it going you've got this

 

[Squilliam]

I have exactly the same experience. The reduced sensation helps me to last longer, but sometimes it's so reduced that I lose my erection. I find my mind sometimes wandering during sex because the pleasure through the condom isn't good enough. If anyone has any tips or insights please do share.

Have you tried on a bunch of different ones to find ones that fit properly? If you're not too big, check out Okamoto 004s, they're super thin and I've been able to finish with them despite my death grip problems.

I find that my mind wanders a lot too, but I feel like that's not because of condoms, but rather because I'm anxious and not able to get lost enough in the moment to just enjoy myself and finish.

 

[Bman]

This week’s reflection

Apps

Starting to pick back up after the holidays. Will finally get an accurate gauge of the photos I took before winter.

Dates

Friday: Lay 17: Ad Girl: https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=48953#p48953

First lay from Fetlife. Going to keep testing out this avenue. She was a fun date and fun lay.

Have a few leads to try and setup this week.

Cold Approach

1/6 for approaches this week. I’m getting more confident and putting myself in different situations to get more experience. Going to try to keep up a steady pace of going out approaching. Still focused on just doing the approach and managing whatever anxiety comes up. However I think if I keep a steady habit of approaching I can return to Krauser’s Daygame Mastery and start to break down each portion of the approach to improve. Big win here is I’m actually starting to enjoy approaching.

365 Project

Going well and so grateful I started this. It’s helped me start approaching more, to be more confident in all areas of my life, and put myself first. Not even 30 days in yet. Looking forward to what else I accomplish with it.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Year 1 on KYIL Reflection

Happy New Year everyone! I can’t begin to express how grateful I am to have found this community. It’s helped me in numerous ways. I came into the year late in May, but hit the ground running with all this.

Let’s take a quick look at what I accomplished for dating:

• Got divorced and still kept a successful friendship with her after
• Devoured the tinder guide and got my first lay in 3 weeks after the separation from my ex
• Got 14 lays since the divorce; 1 being a multiple month FWB
• Improving and honing every part of the funnel from online to getting laid, particularly text game and the date
• Completed 14 days of the AA program before just jumping straight to approaches
• Roughly 50-60 approaches; 1 date from CA
• Really got back into photography after taking multiple rounds of photos for the apps
• Put together my erotic photography portfolio to show girls
• Dove deep into kink and BDSM
• Improving my sexual skills
• Started getting involved with the BDSM community, going to events and the sex club
• Met up in person with a few guys from the KYIL forums, connected with many others online
• Had a killer interview with Andy (and fan girled getting to meet him)
• Started my 365 project to hone my confidence, self-assurance, masculinity, and meeting my own needs
• And hopefully added a lot of value to you all where I was able to

Not bad for my rookie year.

Huge thank you to KillYourInnerLoser. I know you will be Mr. Humble, but I’m still always going to try to make you stop and reflect on the way you are changing lives. I know exactly what it feels like to doubt yourself, but please take a moment to see what you have built. You deserve every ounce of success you have achieved and every ounce that is still coming your way. It seems that every time I make a significant change to my life I find a mentor who aligns with the man I want to become. Thank you for being that mentor this year after my divorce. Truly grateful for you and try my best to add value to what you’ve built here as a small token of my appreciation. Keep crushing those goals Andy.

Now for the rest of you salty bastards.

Mimbe393939: Thank you for connecting with me early on. Felt like you were my fellow rookie this year on the come up. I always respect a man you can turn pain into triumph, making himself a better man in the process. Rooting for your success and can’t wait to see you slay in Japan.

Ed_: Thank you for meeting up with me in ATX and helping push me to overcome my AA and just start doing real approaches. Also appreciate you introducing me to other guys here and being very supportive. You’re a great guy and glad to have met you.

bonzo34: Thank you for going out approaching with in the beginning. Was great to have someone there to root me on between approaches. Keep getting out there man!

colgate: You are the light heartedness mixed with dedication that we all need on this forum. Thank you for giving me pointers about ATX and supporting. Really respect your continued dedication to overcoming your challenges. Also rooting for you to slay in Japan and get your cat girl harem.

Radical: Thank you for your fashion advice. I dressed pretty mediocre before, but you helped me streamline the basics and flesh out my architype. You also seem very dedicated to your goals and really happy seeing you put out your own product now. Wishing you major business success this year.

Manganiello: Thank you for your log and advice. So helpful for rookies coming in. Your process, photos, and tracking of stats really helped me get a process going for myself so I could objectively look at how I was progressing. I also really appreciated you reflecting on the process and sharing your mindset through that time. Showed me it was pretty normal to feel that way. You also seem like a very cool guy. Best of luck in Seoul!

twonightstander: Thanks for your support and your level of detail in doing approaches. You’re a machine. Was very inspirational and clued me into how I can improve my own. Keep kicking ass man.

SpicyBoi: Thank you for such an inspirational log. Your level of confidence and consistency in approaches is what I aim for. You have also been an inspiration for me to start traveling. Wishing you all the success in your travels.

MakingAComeback: The underdog hero of the forums. Seriously grateful to have you here. You are an inspiration to many of rookies who join these forums. Was fantastic to connect with you this year and look forward to doing it more in the future. I respect your dedication and fortitude.

MILFandCookies: Thank you for also being someone who inspired me to pick up the camera again. Your photo advice is always spot on. Was great meeting up in a person a couple times to get to know you. Also respect your ability to turn pain into triumph. You’re on a good path and here to help in your success along the way.

Crisis_Overcomer: Thank you for dropping into to screw my head on straight this year. Your advice and resources really helped with my mindset and working through my own bullshit. Very grateful.

pancakemouse: Thank you for advice and your amoral approach to game. You always ground me, looking at the laws of nature and facts of reality. Then I can paint whatever moral approach I may wish to take based on my values, but also reminding me not to totally disregard the dark triad traits I inherited from my family as they can be deadly useful in the right context. Also really appreciate you keeping such valuable information free for others to learn from. As someone building a higher education startup and believe information that can improve people’s life should be free, I highly respect you for this. I also imagine your city guides will be helpful as I travel. Wishing you much success on your journey to becoming a master.

Manly Cockfellow: Thank you for all your advice, for your inspiration, for helping me keep my head on straight, and for being a spring of positivity on this forum. You feel like the cool uncle to me who gets laid a ton and is always supportive. You’ve been a lot of help and very appreciative of you.

AskTheDom: As natedawg said, you feel like a big brother I never had. You don’t flaunt your success here, but I can tell by your advice that you have been through the trenches a hundred times over. Always appreciate the advice you give and try my hardest to heed it. Thank you for answering my questions this year, helping me flesh out my architype, helping me gain some confidence as a Dom, and being a huge support. Excited to see what you accomplish next in 2023.

Holden: Thank you for your continued advice and for your log. Your log is the only one I have read in entirety and will probably continue to revisit periodically. Your harem is an inspiration and model of what I’m aiming for in combination with Andy. You have solid, straightforward, actionable advice and have a really solid understanding of game, but don’t seem to get too bogged down by it. I also appreciate your approach to status hacking. As someone who started as a poor kid from the trailer park with zero network, I have hacked my way up the status hierarchy multiple times. I’d argue that landing my ex wife in the beginning was a combination of architype match, status hacking, and preselection. Thank you for indulging my questions when I have them. Very grateful and wishing you all the success in your business goals and harem shenanigans.

jmand: You just joined the forums, but you have been there on my journey over the last few years through all of it’s ups and downs. You probably know more about my life than any other person. I can’t begin to express the gratitude for our friendship. This year I want to thank you for checking in with me every week, supporting me when I doubted myself and celebrating with me when I succeeded. I’m glad I could also be an inspiration for you to go after what you want in your dating life and a spark for you to take action on your first threesome. Ready to kick it up a notch with you this year. By the way, because I know you well, Ill suggest a few people to study:

• KYIL & Holden for open relationships, harem management, threesomes
• Holden for social circles and status game
• KYIL, Manly Cockfellow & Spicyboi for architype matches and body composition
• Pancakemouse & Spicyboi for approaches

I think these will be most helpful for you based on your goals and architype. Love you, brother. Now get your ass in here and start a log, rookie.

Thank you guys. I’ll continue to post the action I’m taking every week towards my goals and asking questions along the way. I’m glad to be here and ready to put in the work for Year 2.

 

[MILFandCookies]

@MakingAComeback: The underdog hero of the forums. Seriously grateful to have you here. You are an inspiration to many of rookies who join these forums. Was fantastic to connect with you this year and look forward to doing it more in the future. I respect your dedication and fortitude.

Thanks man this means a lot I'm excited to see where we both go in 2023!

 

[Manganiello]

It was awesome to see you grow and progress man, especially after a divorce. Your log is inspiration fuel.

 

[Holden]

Thx for the kind words. Happy new year, great things in store for you.

 

[Bman]

And if you'd like to come on the podcast again, I'd love to have you on (probably after March). Last episode was a banger

Would love to. After March would be perfect for me. I'm hitting sales hard in Q1, so most of my time will be focused on the startup and any free time will go towards getting laid. But my schedule will open back up more in April.

 

[MakingAComeback]

It is a joy to witness your journey, brother, I appreciate your shoutout, and likewise, your work is a pleasure to be witness to, and to catch rays off the sun is always a good thing ;-)

Ravi

 

[Mimbe393939]

@Mimbe393939: Thank you for connecting with me early on. Felt like you were my fellow rookie this year on the come up. I always respect a man you can turn pain into triumph, making himself a better man in the process. Rooting for your success and can’t wait to see you slay in Japan.

I appreciate your kind words, thank you for all your support, truly. Bman haha, I remember when we we're logging our CAs in the streets with no tail in sight, before our OLD rampage. It was comical to have another guy coming up with me in a similar position. It feels like we've seen each other grow up on the forums in a sense, lots more to come.

I can't wait to see what things you get into this year, wishing you all the best in the new year and on your 365 day project! You know you got my support, always.

Been a hell of year, Let's see what we get ourselves into this year! Cheers buddy

 

[bonzo34]

..

 

[Bman]

This week’s reflection

Apps

Hinge: I’m not sure how many times I’ve been banned on Hinge, but its like 4-5 times now. Was banned again this week. I’m very polarizing on that app, so it’s to be expected. I would just disregard the app entirely, however looking over the data from the last year (yes I’m also autistic and keep a spreadsheet like you nerds) almost 50% of my lays came from Hinge, including a couple of my hottest lays, and a lot of the numbers I got from Hinge were from hot girls. So its worth it for me to keep resetting.

Having learned a lot more about marketing on the other apps. I’d like to tailor my profile a bit more specific to Hinge to keep myself from getting banned. Based on the environment, seems to me that I might survive more if I toned down the BDSM/Fuckboi vibe and added a little more classiness to it. Not so much that it throws me into the relationship material, but enough that it keeps me from getting banned.

And of course not leading with a BDSM opener. So I’ll have to tailor the message flow a little different here. Zug , you seem to have had great success with the app, would love to hear your perspective here about your openers/messages and marketing yourself on Hinge.

Tinder: I have never reset my Tinder since I started. It does fine, but thinking I could probably benefit from resetting it since my pictures are way better than when I started. If I have never reset before, can I do so using the same account info (email, phone, etc)?

Girls

Monday: Ad Girl – had a fun kinky experience with her doing some impact play because she loves being spanked, using a butt plug, and fucking her doggy for a long time. Even broke a wooden spatula on her ass.

Friday:Lay 18: Spiritual Girl: https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=49576#p49576

Pretty fun girl. She asked me to send her over the sex menu this morning. Really great tool to help new subs explore what they like or want to try. Also helps facilitate communication between you two. And if you if you have multiple girls, helps you keep track of what each one really likes.

Question: Holden, what’s the general guidelines on reaching out to old lays? I never did get Cinderella girl over for a second lay, but she was very receptive, her schedule just sucked. At the end of November she had a good friend pass and just needed some space and told me she’d reach out. Of course that never happened. I really liked her bubbly, feminine personality and she was great bed so if possible I’d like to try to reconnect. I know to keep expectations low, just curious to the best approach.

Cold Approach

Just 0/1 this week. Busy with girls, meetings, and work, so didn’t get out much this week.

365 Project

Did a couple unique things this week like a sexual disclosure exercise and implementing Google’s 20% rule to allow myself some time for exploring new, creative ideas and projects. Still going strong with affirmations and implementing a second meditation in the afternoon which I’m seeing great benefit from.

 

[Holden]

Question: @Holden, what’s the general guidelines on reaching out to old lays? I never did get Cinderella girl over for a second lay, but she was very receptive, her schedule just sucked. At the end of November she had a good friend pass and just needed some space and told me she’d reach out. Of course that never happened. I really liked her bubbly, feminine personality and she was great bed so if possible I’d like to try to reconnect. I know to keep expectations low, just curious to the best approach.

Don't count on it. Just text her like normal whenever. But pre-lock-in, best to assume she's gone. Doesn't hurt to message her though.

After lock-in (you fucked twice on two separate occasions) you should aim to see girls weekly and if they 'break up' then you do the whole "wait 4 months and don't contact her at all unless she contacts you first" thing.

Btw this is why you need to go for lock-in ASAP, even within the same week if possible. It's like flipping a psychological switch, going from one night stand, to 'lover.' Only after lock-in do you have a 'relationship' with a girl.

I used to wait an entire week before aiming for the second meet and I lost so many girls doing this.

 

[HomelessBob]

Oh wow, cheers for the sex menu link. That thing looks great! Thanks bud.

I remember there was a discussion a page or so back on lasting longer during sex, wierdly I've always had the opposite problem. You know what they use to treat premature ejaculation? SSRIs. You know what they use to treat depression? SSRIs. For bonus points, sometimes the effects of the medication can be permanant.

So I last for goddamn ever, it's not all it's cracked up to be, it's a chore, BUT I don't focus on the length of sex anymore. Instead I count orgasms, and the number of different ways I can give them. Oral, fingers (g spot and clitoral), toys, and finally penetrative. Honestly I have an order I fall back into when I'm mentally tired, never had any complaints that the order of orgasms they get is always the same.

Generally I shoot for minimum 2+ orgasms per session, at least one during the first bout of foreplay and usually one after an initial round of sex. Let's say Foreplay-Oral-Sex-Fingering and dirty talk. Then have your fun. I think of it as the sandwich method. Orgasm before sex, orgasm after sex (bonus for during).

I know for some women this is unrealistic but I've never come across those women so *shrug*. I also use how easy or hard it is to make a long term partner orgasm one of the best markers of how well I'm doing outside the bedroom to attract her. But it's also affected by her stress levels generally so not a perfect measure.

 

[pancakemouse]

Tinder: I have never reset my Tinder since I started. It does fine, but thinking I could probably benefit from resetting it since my pictures are way better than when I started. If I have never reset before, can I do so using the same account info (email, phone, etc)?

Yes, though the only point of resetting would be to give girls that had swiped left before another look at you.

 

[Bman]

Btw this is why you need to go for lock-in ASAP, even within the same week if possible. It's like flipping a psychological switch, going from one night stand, to 'lover.' Only after lock-in do you have a 'relationship' with a girl.

I used to wait an entire week before aiming for the second meet and I lost so many girls doing this.

Yes, this is the mistake I kept making last year. Especially the weeks I would sleep with 2 or 3 new girls. I figured I'd just get them over the next week, but often logistics would go to shit or get ghosted. I'm doing a lot more to seed retention on the first date and making sure I get them back over ASAP.

Thanks for the advice.

Yes, though the only point of resetting would be to give girls that had swiped left before another look at you.

Solid, thanks. I think I present myself better than when I started so probably worth it.

Generally I shoot for minimum 2+ orgasms per session

Yes, I also make sure I'm giving orgasms through multiple ways in a session. The lasting longer, specifically for intercourse, is really for my pleasure. An orgasm that's been built up over a long period of time feels better. I've also realized its not my skill/ability to do this, which I can and have done before, it's more performance anxiety with a girl on the first lay, which will show up as either ED or PE, depending on the last time I had sex. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be good for her (and for good reason). Second time with her I'm usually fine, not problem. I'm comfortable with her. But I'm working on focusing on myself more during sex and trying to even the playing field. Work in progress.

 

[Zug]

And of course not leading with a BDSM opener. So I’ll have to tailor the message flow a little different here. @Zug , you seem to have had great success with the app, would love to hear your perspective here about your openers/messages and marketing yourself on Hinge.

I've tried a lot of different profile and texting strategies. I know everyone suggests being highly polarizing on both, but that is a huge mistake imo. You want to ramp up your polarization in the say way you ramp up your sexualization. You get the same effects without 90% of the drawbacks. The benefit of polarization is that it ramps up engagement, but the downside is that it polarizes people early in the process to be against you. If your texting is good, you don't need to rely on polarization as your sole engagement tool., because polarization isn't the only way to ramp engagement. Early on, relying on 'clickbait' and 'open hooks' has even more engagement than polarization, with the downside is that the effect is entirely temporary (like 1-2 messages).

You want a very strong opener that utilizes some form of clickbait/open hook, not one that is highly polarizing. There is no reason to be polarizing in the opener, all it does is cause x% of people to auto reject you. Make sure your opener allows you to pivot in any direction and actually sets you up to have a good continuation.

There are a lot of openers that have very high initial response rates, but either turn her against you immediately or offer you nowhere to go. Hypothetically, you could use an opener like "Why do you use a photo that makes you look like such a bitch" and get a high initial response rate. Even if banning wasn't a risk, there is nowhere to go after that opener. Finally, your opener/texting/profile has to be congruent. If some random guy has great success with a specific line or profile, it WILL NOT work for you if you're not the same archetype of man/profile. Congruence between all three is a very difficult problem to solve when you are getting started and continually improving, because anyone who is in the process of change will quickly become incongruent with their past self.

IMO, the reason you see polarization pushed so hard as a strategy, is that a lot of the top 0.1% guys are looking for fast low effort lays. Strong polarization is great for that if everything else is also strong. There needs to be some polarization in the profile, but not as much as people think. Again, you can use prompts with open hooks or clickbait to get the same effect at less cost. What polarization can be truly good for is weeding out all the girls with hidden traits you are sure you don't want. In my case, I try to include enough that all the 'husband shopper' types are turned off immediately, but no further. You want to double dip here and try to make that same prompt also pull in the people with the hidden traits you do want. Any mention of spanking, dominance, brats, etc can do that. Some minor obfuscation of the meaning can go a long way of getting most of the positives with few of the negatives.

This is a terrible prompt, do not use it, but it does illustrate how you would 'slightly hide' something in a prompt. Again don't use this.
"Things I enjoy in the bedroom: Jazz, scented candles, paddles, and breakfast"

People into what you are will get the hint, others will be curious, and the most uptight negative folk will reject off it. That the ideal you are shooting for.
Compare that to just overtly saying:
"I enjoy BDSM in the bedroom".

Even people into BDSM on the mainstream apps are going to be intimidated by that and assume you are some psychopath.

 

[IceMan]

Its incredible to read what one year on the forum and just go out there and pushing yourself can truely do!
Absolutely inspirational! I totally resonated with the parts where you talk about having thoughts like not feeling good enough. I have so much respect for people who are open to these matters too.. Will definitely follow your adventure!

That 2023 becomes even more better!

 

[Bman]

I totally resonated with the parts where you talk about having thoughts like not feeling good enough.

It's a deep insecurity that I've done a lot of work on and continue to do so. It's partially the birth of my recent 365 project.

 

[Bman]

This week’s reflection

Pretty simple week.

Apps

Reset my Hinge after the ban. Trying out a ton of different openers, seeing what sticks. Nothing has outperformed “Hey you’re sexy. I’m looking for something specific on here.” Will continue the experiment.

Girls

Tuesday: Ad Girl
Thursday: Spiritual Girl

Fun time with both of them this week. Taking Spiritual Girl out to the BDSM club tonight. Told her to dress classy. I’ll be taking a remote vibrator to tease her with but when she gets horny she is ravenous to get fucked, so I’m sure she’ll be quick to want to replace that vibrator with my dick.

This girl I had the long date with texted me yesterday after ghosting for about a month. She was letting me know she was sorry for doing so but was going to focus on her Domme side and not subbing for anyone else besides her current Dom. That’s fine. Was just appreciative to hear a response back, thought I had already written her off and deleted her from my phone.

Cold Approach

Invested in a course for this and taking a new approach which I wrote up here in the 365 project: https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=50115#p50115