Brandon Builds - Conversation with the ex-wife

[Bman]

This week’s reflection

Interesting week. Let’s get into the details.

Dates

• Thursday: Lay 15: The Feminist: https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=46301#p46301

After getting cucked by my cold sore for a couple weeks I was ready for some action. Tried getting Cinderella girl over but she was going through a lot of emotional stuff with a friend of hers in hospice. Totally understand. Then tried getting Southern Girl over but she had a UTI. Great, ok, time to hunting again.

Then got to a wonderful learning experience and really shit lay on Thursday. It’s written in the lay report. Really, really grateful for your guy’s perspectives in the comments of that thread. Especially hear you the loudest Manly Cockfellow . You’re right.

Will comment soon.

Cold Approach

3 approaches this week:

1. 6/10 on the way to gym. Said thanks, kept walking.
2. 8/10 at the BDSM Club. More on this one in a moment
3. 8/10 at the mall. Didn’t stop, so I walked with her. Married. (Why are the hot ones always married?)

Small improvement on the AA front. I also had a couple sessions where I went out for a half hour or hour and did not approach any girls. The usual location I went to during the summertime is not great during the winter because by the time I’m done with work its dark out. This means there is significantly less volume, so by the time I kick my ass into gear to finally approach, I’ve already skipped over most the girls I’ll see that session. The one morning session I did was better, but had AA and did not take advantage of that. Went to the mall last night and because it’s the holidays there is a ton of volume. Sucks its an hour bus ride for me, but at least its indoors and warm.

Most of the time I’m approaching 7+/10’s. It’s not like I have a rule or something. The slightly cute girls just don’t compel me enough to overcome the AA. Where the hot girls I end up thinking, “Fuck that girl is so hot I can’t NOT approach her.” I don’t know if this helpful or a hindrance because if I was approaching the slightly cute girls I could be getting more experience. The hot ones just seem like high risk high reward.

BDSM Club

Now let’s discuss the BDSM club. This seems like a different animal when approaching. I’ve never done night game, so I don’t have a reference point for that. When you’re approaching in the BDSM club you get an extra layer of social calibration to deal with.

First off, at least half the people are naked in some way. There is various scenes and sexual acts happening everywhere. There is no alcohol. And the purpose of this event is sex.

Second, you have to deal with BDSM social dynamics. You see a girl you might want to approach and have to run through a checklist for yourself. Is she a trans (because there are plenty)? Is she part of a couple? Is she collared and not going to be shared? Is she a Dom or sub? What kinks is she into, are you going to match those?

THEN you get to deal with whatever AA you have…

Last Sunday when I went, I volunteered to do setup again which I enjoy. They do free STI testing there, so decided to get that done (came back all negative. Nice.) Then just watched and scoped girls out as they started to roll in. Few cute ones here or there, but nothing that compelled me.

An hour or so in there were a couple young hot girls that were together as partners. I had spotted them making out. One was naked besides some suspenders and cowgirl hat and the other was in black harness with her tits out. I really wanted to approach them, but that felt even more high risk high reward. By the time I could finally muster up the courage, they went into the bathroom together.

Fuck. I guess I’ll wait…

In the meantime I noticed a very hot Japanese girl. She was at the last event dressed as a Japanese school girl, but tonight she was decked out in high heel boots and all black. I was waiting for the other girls when I seen this Japanese girl standing by herself watching a scene.

Ok B, you have to approach.

I was pretty nervous, but like I said before, high risk high reward. I opened asking her if she was enjoying the scene. We chatted a bit about it. We exchanged the kinks we were into. Pain tolerances and tattoos came up, so started showing her all of mine, which she was really admiring. Had her laughing a couple times and starting to vibe. She is pretty in the scene here and noticed a guy she knew. They started chatting about events they were going to and getting pretty into a conversation that I did not have anything to add to so I ended up ducking out of that one. Time to find those other girls.

Unfortunately I missed my window after they came out of the bathroom and they ended up finding their way up to the second floor to the voyer rooms to fuck each other. Fuck B, you missed your window. They were getting pretty hot and heavy, but I didn’t feel like watching because I still wanted to try and approach when they were done and that would have made me even more anxious. I just went an chilled downstairs. They eventually came down and getting into a group of people they were chatting with. I waited for them to get more isolated, but it never happened and I just wasn’t ready to try and open a whole group then isolate these two girls.

Would have been awesome though… threesome in the club... soon. I’ll get there soon.

 

[AskTheDom]

Man, maybe it's because these clubs are totally natural for me but it seems you are way too much in your head and probably you express insecurity instead of sheer dominance and confidence.
Plus, it's a sex positive club, you need to act strong and fast - otherwise EVERYTHING literally everything can happen

 

[Bman]

seems you are way too much in your head and probably you express insecurity instead of sheer dominance and confidence.

Well you're not wrong. They are brand new to me and confidence without experience is not a strong suit for me.

 

[Squilliam]

Finally had my cold sore heal up by Thursday which killed the beginning of my week.

If I recall correctly, earlier in your log you said no to sex with a girl because of herpes, correct? I think if you have oral herpes then you're actually protected from genital herpes to some degree, assuming it's caused by the same strain. This is because of antibodies.

On another note, I really appreciate you sharing this vulnerable knowledge publicly, because I've always had a fear of herpes ruining my sex life, and here I can see a clear example of girls not caring that you had a cold sore. So I'm less afraid of getting oral herpes now.

I however am still quite afraid of genital herpes.

Also, the way you responded to that girl that rejected you, that was so smooth and confident. You are the man.

 

[Bman]

Finally had my cold sore heal up by Thursday which killed the beginning of my week.

If I recall correctly, earlier in your log you said no to sex with a girl because of herpes, correct? I think if you have oral herpes then you're actually protected from genital herpes to some degree, assuming it's caused by the same strain. This is because of antibodies.

On another note, I really appreciate you sharing this vulnerable knowledge publicly, because I've always had a fear of herpes ruining my sex life, and here I can see a clear example of girls not caring that you had a cold sore. So I'm less afraid of getting oral herpes now.

I however am still quite afraid of genital herpes.

Also, the way you responded to that girl that rejected you, that was so smooth and confident. You are the man.

Cold sores are caused by HSV-1. Genital Herpes are caused by HSV-2. Most of the general population has HSV-1. You can still get HSV-2 if you have HSV-1.

For clarification, I only have HSV-1 like the gen pop.

Cold sores are not really that big of a deal. I got my first one in high school I think, then had them pop up maybe once every few years. Generally they pop up from lots of stress. Which on top of everything else I'm doing in life this year, I also am just finishing up a pure powerlifting routine that prepares you for competition. So I have been taxing my central nervous system a ton. Really no surprise I had one pop up. No biggie. It heals in about 1-1.5 weeks and ready to roll again.

 

[Squilliam]

Cold sores are caused by HSV-1. Genital Herpes are caused by HSV-2. Most of the general population has HSV-1. You can still get HSV-2 if you have HSV-1.

This actually isn't 100% true. There's a common misconception that HSV-1 causes oral herpes and that HSV-2 causes genital herpes. While this is often the case, it's not the entire picture. Theoretically, both of the strains can cause sores in both places. Obviously, you can also be infected with both strains simultaneously as you mentioned.

HSV-1 genitally is actually not that uncommon, and is often transmitted through oral sex.

So it really depends on which strain she had. If it was HSV-1, the antibodies offer some level of protection I believe. If you knew she had HSV-2 though, that's another story.

So you got the virus before you were sexually active? Interesting.

 

[Bman]

This week’s reflection

With it being the holidays this last week and working a bunch in the beginning of the week then flying out to my mom’s for thanksgiving, I did not focus much on dating until I got back. But some interesting notes.

Apps

When I went back to my hometown I opened the apps just to see what the market was like. It’s a smaller city but it has 4 colleges downtown and two on the outskirts so its disproportionately filled with college students in that area. I got some of that new city, newbie boosts on Tinder and Feeld and got 9 likes and 13 likes respectively with some a couple below 5’s, 6’s, and 7’s. I do plan on moving back there for a short stint to build out a van, so it was nice to see what it was like there. I also will be doing a Christmas trip for longer next month, so I’ll see if I can’t get something setup while visiting.

Dates

Saturday: 35yo poly switch from Feel’d; amazing date, no pull

I matched with this woman a few weeks ago. She’s been married 15 years and has a boyfriend she does BDSM with. She is also a very successful entrepreneur, a mother, content creator, very secure in herself, and very into personal development. She’s very busy so we had not been able to do a date till last night, so we have been texting back and forth this week. I actually enjoy talking with her because she is very intelligent. We were also very honest with each other as we both hold that as a high value.

She lives in the suburbs outside of the city, so we chose a place to go that was halfway. I was fine with this because I had developed another cold sore from all the stress and poor sleep with travel this week, so I was not going to attempt a pull anyways. We did a more traditional date and went to an interactive art gallery. She is a classy woman who often wears vintage dresses. Real lady in the streets, kinky in the sheets type. So I went with the black button down, black pants, brown belt and brown boots. She complimented my outfit a few different times.

It was a wonderful date and really nice to walk around and talk with her about our marriages, getting into BDSM, other sexual partners, personal development and so on. It just felt really good to connect with her on a deeper level. I didn’t touch her while we walked around, but would hold my body very close to hers, often from behind as we looked at things. Then sometimes I would leave her on her own as I wandered into areas you were technically not supposed to be in to show her I do as I please and don’t really follow arbitrary rules. Classic stuff I used to do to my ex wife when we first started dating.

After 2 hours we got to the end of the exhibit and I just starred deeply in her eyes. I told her I’d like to kiss her but had the cold sore. She then told me she really wanted to spend more time with me, but couldn’t go home with me tonight. I had not even said anything about going home with me or tried a pull, but the sexual tension between us was palpable. I told her lets go to a coffee shop nearby. We ended up just walking around near the coffee shop, holding hands and chatting some more. Eventually she told me she was ok with the cold sore and I could kiss her if I wanted. So I started making out with her on the sidewalk, fairly aggressively, which made her softly moan. Then I’d stop and hover my lips around hers, slightly pulling back and making her wait for more.

We finally made it to the coffee shop and started talking more about sex and the dynamic we wanted to have. By now we were touching each other a lot as we sat between each other’s legs. At one point we stopped talking and starred deeply in to each other’s eyes. I put my hand on her chin, told her to come closer, and lightly pulled her in to kiss several times. The coffee shop was heavily packed with students working late at night on homework, but we were both so comfortable with being sexual with each other and were in our own little bubble.

It was getting late, almost 11, and she said “I think I have 5 more minutes in me, how would you like to spend those five minutes?” I said “Not here. Let’s go to the car.” We didn’t make it to the car. I stopped her midway, pushed her against a sign post, made out with her more aggressively and was sliding my hands up inside her shirt, scratching her back, and down her pants squeezing her ass. I started to move my hand around to the front, but she stopped me. So I just enjoyed continuing to ravish her in the middle of the sidewalk. We slowly stopped and I let her drive on home.

Before going on this date I felt a bit insecure as I was not sure exactly what I had to offer this woman. She told me she was very happy in her life, had a great sex life, both her partners were wonderful, and very fulfilled by it all. But I tried to remind myself exactly what you had all said after my last lay. During the date she told me that she values her time very highly and that she would never fake spending time with me, because she has plenty of great places to be in her life. This was right before we were leaving the coffee shop. At first I thought she was telling me I was wasting her time at the moment, but then I realized it was a deep compliment. We had just spent 4 hours together and she could have been anywhere else in the world, but she was there with me. This morning she texted me thank you for spending MY time with her and that I had the important qualities she looks for in a lover, and listed those qualities.

I realized what I had to offer was me.

I’m obviously very keen on this woman. If the sex is good (I have a lot confidence it will be) she’s MLTR material. She no doubt checks boxes for me that even my ex wife was missing including ambition, being secure, and self-assuredness. She’s also busy with her own life and has other partners. I don’t have to worry about her getting clingy and hitting me up all the time so I can focus on my shit. I’ll be fine should things not work out. I’m just grateful to have had a date with a woman like this because it helped show myself what I want and that I can attract that quality of woman.

Quite the difference from the Feminist last week (who I nicely sent packing earlier this week).

Cold Approach

No approaches this week. However on my return flight home I had a couple hour layover. The woman that was seated next to me on the first flight was an attractive older woman, so I said what the hell, lets chat her up and see if she also has a layover and could escalate into something. Unfortunately her boyfriend was picking her up for a doctor’s appointment that she had to go to right after we landed. So that would have been a no go, but we had a great conversation and she touched me several times. At least made my flight interesting.

Health

Finished up a pure powerlifting routine that prepares you for competition. Tested my 1 rep max for squat and bench the day before flying out for Thanksgiving. Hit 425lbs for squat and 280lbs for bench. Was pretty happy about that. I was supposed to test deadlift and overhead press today, but I was so gassed from travel and late night last night that I just did a light workout today. I’m in some serious need of catching up on sleep this week.

 

[Aku]

Nice

She sounds like more fun than the previous girl. Quite a contrast.

 

[Bman]

This week’s reflection

Minimal post this week for sake of checking in and consistency. Feeling mildly depressed and a bit lonely this week. Miss the ex-wife some. Bit rundown. Just not as motivated as usual. Winter has historically always been more of a down time for me. Chalk it up to less sun or a broken family that makes the holidays hard. I don’t know. Regardless, I just didn’t feel like doing a whole write-up today. Not asking for sympathy, just telling it as it is.

Despite those things, still making progress. Work still gets done. Still messaging the girl from the last post and waiting on my routine STI results before hooking up. Bumble and tinder have been better since the new pictures, and hinge has been worse in actually getting a girls number. Unsure what that is.

Yesterday I turned down going out with a hot, tight bodied, digital nomad who was only in town for the night for a bachelorette party and wanted me to come out with her and the girls. Just didn’t feel like chasing the night and opted for sleep instead. She was bummed about that.

Anyways, my dog and I are going to go for a hike this afternoon after the gym this morning. Not wallowing in these feelings, just accepting the full range of human emotions and knowing this is just something that occurs every once in a while. This too, shall pass. Trying to focus on being grateful for where I am, what I’ve done, and who is around me. Trying to not to crack the whip on myself and realize even in my low motivation, I’m still making progress, even if it’s not my fullest. If things get darker, I know I have those I can reach out to.

Be back next week with our regular scheduled programming on the Bman show. Until then, hope you are all doing well.

 

[MakingAComeback]

This week’s reflection

Minimal post this week for sake of checking in and consistency. Feeling mildly depressed and a bit lonely this week. Miss the ex-wife some. Bit rundown. Just not as motivated as usual. Winter has historically always been more of a down time for me. Chalk it up to less sun or a broken family that makes the holidays hard. I don’t know. Regardless, I just didn’t feel like doing a whole write-up today. Not asking for sympathy, just telling it as it is.

Despite those things, still making progress. Work still gets done. Still messaging the girl from the last post and waiting on my routine STI results before hooking up. Bumble and tinder have been better since the new pictures, and hinge has been worse in actually getting a girls number. Unsure what that is.

Yesterday I turned down going out with a hot, tight bodied, digital nomad who was only in town for the night for a bachelorette party and wanted me to come out with her and the girls. Just didn’t feel like chasing the night and opted for sleep instead. She was bummed about that.

Anyways, my dog and I are going to go for a hike this afternoon after the gym this morning. Not wallowing in these feelings, just accepting the full range of human emotions and knowing this is just something that occurs every once in a while. This too, shall pass. Trying to focus on being grateful for where I am, what I’ve done, and who is around me. Trying to not to crack the whip on myself and realize even in my low motivation, I’m still making progress, even if it’s not my fullest. If things get darker, I know I have those I can reach out to.

Be back next week with our regular scheduled programming on the Bman show. Until then, hope you are all doing well.

Yo Brandon,

How about a quick call on Zoom or something?

I'd love to talk, listen, and just be present with you and in the flow.

Add me on facebook & we'll go from there:

https://www.facebook.com/earthboundmystic1/

Ravi

 

[Holden]

Miss the ex-wife some. Bit rundown.

3 years and 60 girls later and I'm still thinking about my last mono-ex on a weekly basis. (And I was the one who broke it off, go figure.) There's a broscience theory going around that men never truly get over break-ups. I believe it's true.

I don't think there's anything wrong with that either. Just go on a walk, be with your thoughts, come back refreshed.

 

[Bman]

Miss the ex-wife some. Bit rundown.

3 years and 60 girls later and I'm still thinking about my last mono-ex on a weekly basis. (And I was the one who broke it off, go figure.) There's a broscience theory going around that men never truly get over break-ups. I believe it's true.

I don't think there's anything wrong with that either. Just go on a walk, be with your thoughts, come back refreshed.

I think that great first date I had with the girl a few posts up where we got sucked in that bubble with each other, I was totally in my element, and doing more LTR things combined with it being the first holidays I've been alone in over 8 years made me feel lonely and miss her.

I probably think about her a couple times throughout the week.

But you were spot on. I spent Sunday taking a hike and came back much better. Monday I felt back on my game.

Yo Brandon,

How about a quick call on Zoom or something?

I'd love to talk, listen, and just be present with you and in the flow.

Add me on facebook & we'll go from there:

https://www.facebook.com/earthboundmystic1/

Ravi

I really, really appreciate this gesture. Truly man. I was not ignoring you. I just knew I needed some down time to think through things. So that's what I did.

I'd add you, but I deleted social media years ago.

That said, I'd still enjoy connecting in the near future. I know you're animal with your schedule, so I'll dm you and we can figure something out.

Much respect and again, thank you.

 

[Bman]

This week’s reflection

Dates

The girl from above sent this on Monday after trying to schedule our second date. For context, she recently broke up with her other boyfriend.





From a looks standpoint, this girl is thicker than I like after having a kid and being an emotional eater. She has a very pretty face though and I’ve seen pictures when she was younger and was in theater plays where show looks gorgeous. But her personality is a solid 9/10 match for me. She’s done a lot of self-work, intellectual, ambitious, classy, kinky, feminine and has her life together. Weights easy to lose. Building personality is harder. So I'm apt for being a little more invested.

But figured I’d be a bit coquettish and let it go cool of a bit. She has really high standards. I think it’s going to be hard for her to find other high quality guys. But maybe it won’t and they are lined up around the block. Who knows but I’ll let her pursue a bit. Not afraid of losing this one.

Cold Approach

Did 6 approaches this week and finally broke my streak of doing 0. All thanks to the 365 day project I started this week. More on that below.

365 Project

Started a 365 project this week. So far I am really, really glad I started it. Highly recommend others starting one focused on major sticking points for you.

Here's the recap from the week:

• Start of project: https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=47248#p47248
• Day 1: Bought myself something: https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=47249#p47249
• Day 2: Started CA Again: https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=47345#p47345
• Day 3: CA session: https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=47414#p47414
• Day 4: Bare minimum: https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=47474#p47474
• Day 5: CA session: https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=47537#p47537

Dating Endgame

This is high level, advanced stuff and I still have a ways to go to master the fundamentals. But I’m a strategist, design my life exactly the way I want, and like to know where I’m going.

As a marketer, something that bugs me about online dating is we spend an immense amount of effort up front to get leads, but then if we don’t end up sleeping with them they are just lost in the ether. Reading through Holden's log, I love that he moves them over to IG and basically nurtures his leads with photos and stories of him with other girls. Maybe they don’t sleep with him right of the bat, but after time they might.

This week I finished up editing a portfolio of model and boudoir photos I shot a few years ago. My plan is to use these to show other girls I sleep with and start doing more kink and nude art focused shoots.

My plan is to say I do photography in the bios of my dating apps and link out to my portfolio and FetLife where I will feature shoots. I’ve also made it explicit in my Fet bio that I’ll only shoot with girls I also play with. Any kink focused girls that shows interest I can move over to Fet and nurture them there. Fet also has videos, so I can do short “testimonial” vids and put them there as well. I think this will work well for the kink scene to act preselection, just as Holden does with IG.

For the more vanilla girls, I can just send them over to my portfolio and play up the mystery and excitement of doing something naughty and different. They will know that sleeping with me means being able to explore themselves and play out their fantasies in a completely nonjudgmental way, getting to do the things that are frowned upon in polite society. At the same time I will also be building my higher education startup which is purely in regular society. I think being able to confidently walk in both worlds, the vanilla and kink, will give me an edge with these girls. There’s a reason 50 Shades did so well.

Of course my portfolio page I can design any way I want, so I can really optimize the funnel here. And the only reason you would be visiting this page is because you want to sleep with me, see who I have slept with, or you’re sharing your photos out with other girls. Again, preselection.

At the end of next year I plan on building out a van, living a gypsy lifestyle, and traveling the US for the next decade. My photography is pretty decent. If I’m doing shoots during that decade it will get really, really good. I think as I do more shoots I can start to make a name for myself so that I already have girls who want to collaborate, shoot and sleep with me as I move around from city to city. Although not the goal, there could even be the possibility of getting good enough, and scarce enough, that girls would pay me to come out to a city to shoot with them. I could also start an OF or paid site if I wanted for other income streams. But I’m not really worried about that considering I’m building my startup during this time as well.

The beauty of this is that it is not just some gimmick. It’s natural to me. I really enjoy photographing people. I enjoy setting up the shoot, getting all the lighting right, spending hours editing, and so on. I can get lost in hours of editing with a smile on my face. It’s a lot of fun. I also love the feminine from and find it to be one of the most beautiful things in nature. So helping girls to see that, to be confident in their sexuality, combining that with sex and creative expression is very exciting to me. I also think it’s a natural extension of my archetype. Think successful creatives who are hard to pin down like Andy Warhol, Picasso, or Leonardo Da Vinci.

Towards the end of that decade I will have made a few options available to me:

• Keep doing what I’m doing because I love it so much. Building a great reputation and skill.
• Find an ambitious woman along the way who I can partner with, similar to Andy & Immy’s dynamic.
• Get tired of it, pull a Hugh Hefner and have myself a little harem of bunnies.

In any of those situations, the important thing is I have built myself to the point I can pretty much have pick of the litter.

Yesterday MAC and I had a call. I asked him what the endgame for him in all this was. He shared a beautiful vision of a wife and kids. Love that and here to help you get there in any way I can.

However, that is not for me. I definitely won’t ever be monogamous again. I’m pretty sure I won’t get married again. I’m so grateful for my marriage and happy I went through it. But been there, done that, don’t desire to do again. I’m still on the fence if I want children in the future. I’m leaving open the possibility.

I believe we get to choose the games we play in life. This is one I would be excited to play. So some version of this feels like endgame for me.

But enough with theory and fantasy. What does actual action look like next year towards this:

• Continuing to master the fundamentals. Just like martial arts, this does not stop.
• If I’m going to help girls be confident in their sexuality, I need to be a master of my own. Hence the 365 day project.
• Doing at least 3 nude/kink shoots next year. Getting the first few will be the most difficult because you have little credibility. The current portfolio will help, but will still be a challenge. I think it will be possible with the girls I sleep with, but worse case I have to hire a model or escort for the first couple.
• Testing out the funnel repeatedly.
• Getting known in the scene. I’ve already been doing this here in ATX, befriending the group leaders. As I move from city to city I will volunteer and help out that city’s scene. They all talk to each other so this will help.

 

[Bman]

This week’s reflection

Merry Christmas, everyone! Hope you guys have a great holiday. Thank you guys for such a great year of growth. I'm on my own this Christmas, so I'm going to treat myself to a movie today at the theater. Watching movies is one of my favorite chill pass times.

Didn’t post a recap last Sunday because I was on a retreat with my men’s group and wanted to give my full attention to them. But here’s the last couple weeks.

Apps

I’ve still been getting matches on the apps but converting them to dates has been abysmal this month. Either they stop responding or logistics for scheduling have been shit from either her or myself travelling or holidays going on. Lesson learned to lock in some girls before the holidays.

Dates

• Saturday: Lay 16: Christmas Girl:https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=48452#p48452

Managed to pull on Christmas eve with a Yes girl. Thanks Santa! This date was pretty quick, maybe too quick for ME to get comfortable with HER. I think I need at least 15-30 minutes before the pull so that I’m comfortable. Then a little more time in escalation back at the apartment. In the future I’d like to try out doing lays on the second date a few times and try straight to the crib lays a few times just to know what I prefer.

Before this date I had two other dates setup in the last couple weeks. One was during my trip back to WA which I made pretty clear I was only in town for a short time and looking to hookup. She was pretty keen, rescheduled once, and then the day off ghosted.

Second girl was from my cold approach at the BDSM club. She cancelled twice this week for various reasons. I’ll try and ping her next week to see if I can get her out.

Cold Approach

Last couple weeks have also been abysmal for this as it’s been cold out and girls are coupled up. Looking forward to getting through the holidays and getting some more confidence training here.

365 Project

Still making progress here, did days 6-19. The affirmations every morning have helped. I’ve added in a few more than my original list and conclude by telling myself I love you, all said in the mirror. I’ve also done other activities like cold approach, some inner child work, and getting myself around other high performing guys.

Last weekend was my men’s retreat which I lead with jmand. Felt really good to connect with them, feel a sense of family since I’ve been feeling down in December, and get some really great feedback about my leadership in my life and in the group. Also did some masculine exercises with them and lots of deep discussion.

Ask for Help

Would like to hear your guys advice on routines, habits, or training you do for performance enhancement and last longer during sex.

For context, I’m pretty average, lasting around 10-15 minutes during continuous intercourse. There have been times I have lasted closer to 30-60 minutes as long as I’m changing positions up and have been with that partner a few times. If it’s been awhile, I’m more sensitive and psyching myself out, then I don’t last long, only a few minutes.

However, sometimes I get nervous the first time with a new girl and psychologically putting my pressure to perform, worrying about lasting a long time, and becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy of not doing so. For my own pleasure, it’s much more satisfying to go longer. I really enjoy getting pent up and having a stronger orgasm. Then of course I’m thinking about being good for her as well. I know the pressure on myself doesn’t help.

Physically, because I weightlift all the time and then work at the computer all day, my hamstrings get really tight from sitting. This means my leg muscles are already partially contracted like they do when you ejaculate. So I also need to do some work of relaxing my muscles and consistently stretching those out during the day.

I do kegels, although have not kept up with them regularly as of lately. And I don't masturbate that often, if at all. Could use some practice edging myself and getting better training there.

 

[Red]

Sup man.

This works great for me:
Ejaculate the night before sex.
Then 1 hour before sex I am taking
10g of L-Citruline
1-2g of salt

I am also using condoms.
And jelqing before sex seems to help cos I get more desensitized.

With this combination I am able to fuck as long as I want usually.

Also not watching porn seems to affect this for me cos I last much longer. No idea how it is connected tho.

Red

 

[AskTheDom]

I would argue that ANYONE that had long sex exchanges, when they have shorter ones, it's a mental thing rather then physical.
Sure there are difference on day to day bases ( stress mainly as hormones really regulates a lot of aspects of our life)

I think what you are describing is perhaps the "enter my head" stage of where you have sex in the same position for a longer time period. You are having fun in the moment, and after 5-6 minutes in the same position, all the sudden you zone out and arriving to an orgasm, or sometimes the opposite, loose the erection.

My theory (and take it with a pinch of salt) is that our reptile brain doesn't like "long" sex because after the diminishing return of dopamine hit to have sex, it increase our risk. From a survival point of view, you are stuck on the ground expending calories making yourself very vulnerable when the goal is to just reproduce, so even 3 pumps are fine for that

Probably meditation and active meditation while doing kegels are good trainings, in my case i've seen also that engaging in dirty talking/emotional talking helps

 

[MILFandCookies]

Merry Christmas!

One ebook that helped me become awesome at lasting super long during sex is Sex God Method. It's available for free online if you search for it. Amazing book.

A quick breakdown of a few things from the book and from my experience:
-More foreplay = you last longer, plus she likes it more regardless of how long you last
-Getting good at dirty talk = cheat code to her satisfaction (and yours too)
-Like AskTheDom said, staying in one position gets boring. Change it up when you get bored - flip her over (back to stomach, stomach to back... I like fucking girls from the side too)
-Get in touch with your own desires and make sex fun for YOU. If you only focus on what she wants, you won't have fun and you'll get bored. If you focus on what you want, often she'll have fun anyway. Most girls want to please so please yourself with her body, and you'll accidentally please both of you

I've found the best sex is sex where your goal is to please yourself with her body. That's what girls want anyway and it'll turn her on more than you think is possible. Feminine sexual pleasure comes from being the object of desire... being the thing that pleases you. Let her be that.

 

[Bman]

Then 1 hour before sex I am taking
10g of L-Citruline
1-2g of salt

Meant to try this and totally spaced on it yesterday. Will give it a whirl. Thanks.

engaging in dirty talking/emotional talking helps

Sometimes this will get me more aroused, especially if she is doing it back.

Probably meditation and active meditation while doing kegels are good trainings

I meditate everyday in the morning consistently. Tried getting in the practice of doing one in the afternoon/evening but usually let my schedule get the best of me.

Have not thought about doing meditation while doing kegels. This is a good tip because I sometimes will lose awareness of my breathing during sex, but if I can tie the muscle contraction with conscious breathing I can get better control of it just like any other muscle in the gym.

Thanks for the advice. Will work on getting a better routine with these and trying the active meditation with kegels.

Sex God Method

Great suggestion. Yes I've read this and actively incorporate.

For clarification, with foreplay the whole experience is well into an hour or more. Its the actual intercourse stimulation I want to extend longer. And usually am switching positions.

Get in touch with your own desires and make sex fun for YOU

Biggest thing I'm currently working on. Thanks for the suggestions!

 

[ImChuckBass]

Really simple question but it hasn't been asked. Are you using condoms?

I find for myself, they reduce pleasure, allowing me to last a lot longer.

 

[Bman]

Really simple question but it hasn't been asked. Are you using condoms?

I find for myself, they reduce pleasure, allowing me to last a lot longer.

Yes I use condoms everytime. I actually think this is a bit of detriment possibly because I lose a bit of sensation with it so I'm not fully connected with the feeling. Back when I was having sex with my ex wife, and not using condoms, I could consciously lean into the feeling and have a bit of better control. I knew when the edge of no return was coming a lot sooner.

I could try thinner condoms. Right now I use the regulat Trojans with spermicide lube on the outside just an extra peace of mind precaution.