JourneyToOptimal
Member
- Joined
- Apr 25, 2024
Log update:
The last few days have been bad for me. I am currently tapering off my antidepressant and for the past 2-3 days I've been living like a zombie. I would be too tired to do much of anything because of how sedated and numb I felt.
I am on mirtazapine, the lower the dose you take the more tired and sedated you become. Tapering off involves decreasing my dose which has progressively made me worse.
Thankfully I didn't experience any withdrawal effects so decided to completely stop the medication since I was at a low dose for some time. If I can pass the coming week without any crazy side effects, I will be done with this drug but if not, I have to get back on it for a bit longer.
I am taking it easy since I don't have much energy to spare outside of work. I also noticed that my anxiety and impulsivity have increased. I don't want my emotions to control me so I am trying to meditate and be more aware of things while this calms down.
I was able to do some good inner game work yesterday, I was able to reflect and see a lot of dysfunction I had over the past years. It's crazy how oblivious to it I was.
I saw the pattern I had in my relationships and why they doomed them from the start.
I saw my insecurities and how they stemmed from my childhood.
I saw my friends' insecurities and how they shaped negative events that happened in my/their life
The more self-awareness I see, the more dysfunction I see in people around me and my past. I want my negative patterns to not happen again but the more of them I discover the more discouraged I become.
I'm reading "The Law of Human Nature" by Robert Greene and he wrote that we largely can't change our negative patterns from childhood. The best we can do is understand them and build new behaviors to counteract them when they arise. I don't like this narrative, It feels like I am managing a lifetime illness that I will carry with me one way or another.
The last few days have been bad for me. I am currently tapering off my antidepressant and for the past 2-3 days I've been living like a zombie. I would be too tired to do much of anything because of how sedated and numb I felt.
I am on mirtazapine, the lower the dose you take the more tired and sedated you become. Tapering off involves decreasing my dose which has progressively made me worse.
Thankfully I didn't experience any withdrawal effects so decided to completely stop the medication since I was at a low dose for some time. If I can pass the coming week without any crazy side effects, I will be done with this drug but if not, I have to get back on it for a bit longer.
I am taking it easy since I don't have much energy to spare outside of work. I also noticed that my anxiety and impulsivity have increased. I don't want my emotions to control me so I am trying to meditate and be more aware of things while this calms down.
I was able to do some good inner game work yesterday, I was able to reflect and see a lot of dysfunction I had over the past years. It's crazy how oblivious to it I was.
I saw the pattern I had in my relationships and why they doomed them from the start.
I saw my insecurities and how they stemmed from my childhood.
I saw my friends' insecurities and how they shaped negative events that happened in my/their life
The more self-awareness I see, the more dysfunction I see in people around me and my past. I want my negative patterns to not happen again but the more of them I discover the more discouraged I become.
I'm reading "The Law of Human Nature" by Robert Greene and he wrote that we largely can't change our negative patterns from childhood. The best we can do is understand them and build new behaviors to counteract them when they arise. I don't like this narrative, It feels like I am managing a lifetime illness that I will carry with me one way or another.
