colgate gets better - week 4: APPROACH II 🗣️

[colgate / bulldog]

You can even be totally congruent on approach: "today was so friggin tough, I had so much shit on my mind, I'm out here on a walk to clear my head. But anyway...you look like you're in a good mood today! What's going on?"

approaching with this mindset has actually helped me before. going full honesty about being in dark mode. i've done things ranging from "hey i am actually really nervous trying to talk to you right now" all the way to "i have a deep fear of talking to people, do you have any crazy fears? like heights or something?"

this is great, thanks for the reminder. arguably i should embrace the dark side rather than trying to hide it. hiding it is the opposite of letting go anyway!!!

 

[colgate / bulldog]

good thing 1: being more observant of when i go into "shadow mode", pulled myself together in the early afternoon after a bit of a rough morning

thing to work on: did not go out to approach

good thing 2: went to boxing (4 times this week!). going 2 or 3 times means i get gassed way more easily. needs to be 4 or 5 times per week to keep the cardio momentum up




i did actually wake up with my alarm (8:30) and didn't just go right back to bed, first time in a long time. i took a walk, but still felt like a zombie. spent the morning mostly noodling around and napping as a result until around 12:30pm when i caught myself in the "shadow personality".

this was difficult to drag myself out of. when i'm in shadow mode, doing the simplest things are almost impossible. and by simple, i mean literally things like "just go drink water, just pack your bags and go work somewhere else, just go out for a run" i'll get high resistance towards doing.

but the thing that got me out of it was breaking things down even more atomically. just change your clothes. just put this laptop in the bag. just hold your note tablet. just put your shoes on. just walk out the door. eventually i went to the park with my note tablet to come up with some designs for a work project and then came home to implement them.

for approaching, if i'm not going with a wing i'll need to use the accountability thread. i don't do it otherwise. i just kept working on my work project until it was time to go to boxing practice around 8pm.

anyway tomorrow i will meet up with @lacroix in the afternoon to approach and then go to a pub crawl with a wing in the evening. should be fun!

 

[lacroix]

anyway tomorrow i will meet up with @lacroix in the afternoon to approach and then go to a pub crawl with a wing in the evening. should be fun!

i'll be sure to scout out a disabled bathroom for us to pull to and 4p bro

 

[colgate / bulldog]

good thing 1: ran 6km in the morning

good thing 2: approached 13 girls in the daytime

thing to work on: at a pub crawl i went today, i was not spreading joy and being a super social guy. i tend to get along well with other dudes. even went out to a club later with a japanese guy there. same thing with when i went to said club. just felt very confused there even though everyone else was having fun and i was receiving support from this new japanese wing.

good thing 3: i thought about going home early from the pub crawl, but i went back and continued staying out for a few more hours



started feeling freer again with daygame. it exists in me, i just need to bring it out and own myself.

honestly i think it's better if i do the shadow journaling to myself. i always feel a lot better when i keep it in my private notes because i'm not expecting other people to solve shit for me, which means it allows me to let those feelings go more easily. whereas if i write it in a public log here or send it to a chat, i'm bolting that negativity to my identity. i've been such a downer on myself over the past 2 years and it's time to do things that let me go of that instead of reinforcing them.

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like damn this guy had done that and was ready to rock and roll.

 

[Thrice]

i remember that video, i'm proud of you mate

"i'm indian and...I'm American also" lol

 

[colgate / bulldog]

Week 2 Recap
posted everyday in my log from monday-saturday. having to make sure i had 2 good things to post about definitely made week 2 better than week 1.

Week 3: Approach
Seriously, approaching has to be a habit of mine again. Consistency in general is going to be what I need to work on, and consistency in approaching is the number one thing I need to be doing. Sporadically going out every few days isn't helping and I see no reason to put this off any longer.

I will start deadass small for this week. Approach 5 girls everyday for this week, including Sunday!

 

[colgate / bulldog]

good thing 1: did 5 approaches and got a contact. i turned my apathy into fear, which then i got angry at the fact that i was fearful. i wished for one day that i wouldn't be feeling like this to talk to girls. just kept telling myself to handle things one at a time and first consistently approach again

thing to work on: last night i stayed up until 5:30am watching youtube videos and so i only got around 4-5 hours of sleep. but i decided to just forgive myself instead of beating myself up over it. beating myself up over it would have made today bad and i am actively eliminating negativity from my life as much as possible

good thing 2: went to boxing

 

[pancakemouse]

Can you block YouTube on your devices, perhaps during certain hours? Or have devices auto shut off?

 

[colgate / bulldog]

Can you block YouTube on your devices, perhaps during certain hours? Or have devices auto shut off?

blocking software is too easy for me to disable. i always end up just fucking disabling the timers for whatever reason, they're not "colgate-proof" enough (happy to hear recommendations).

physically blocking my access from the devices helps. so i have a timer lock box for my phone and timer padlock for my computer (or sometimes i chuck my router in there). i set them for 1-16 hours usually depending on the situation

they work great when i use them. i would say despite what I'm posting I've cut down my chronic internet use by at least half (shows how much i was probably using it earlier...)

where i get trapped is when i have "unstructured time" and the devices are just unlocked. for example, saturday night i came home at 3:30am after nightgaming and I didn't lock my devices. and i didn't plan what i was going to do sunday, plus i felt generally apathetic. which is the worst recipe for browsing and i had effectively wasted my sunday. i somehow came to my senses at 5:30am and finally locked the damn things and slept.

on the other hand today (monday) was fairly good. i locked my devices until the time i decided to go approach and got lots of work done

idk if i wrote this anywhere here, but i will swear off nightgame completely. i did it maybe once or twice a month but it's more of a net negative considering how much it throws my life in a spiral. i really don't think it's worth it right now

i also just ordered this e-ink phone today, so let's see if that helps when it arrives

 

[colgate / bulldog]

tuesday 6/18
good thing 1: did 5 approaches

thing to work on: wasted time until 4pm

good thing 2: found a website timer feature on my phone


i wanted to get out the door and go for a run in the morning but it was pouring rain. i feel like a past version of me would have said fuck it and dove headfirst in the rain or at least done some pushups at home, but i ended up sleeping in more instead.

i got caught up in searching for waterproof running gear (which i ended up not buying) and dove into watching youtube videos all morning and afternoon. finally, i came to my senses at 4pm and put my phone into the lock box again and then actually started doing some work.

after work, i was looking at my usage in the stayfree app. i have used this before to block apps, but i thought it only blocked apps themselves and not websites. i had periodically set app timers in the past but then removed them because "i actually needed to use the app". anyway, it can set time limits on certain websites as well so I went ahead and set a 30 minute timer on YouTube, 15 minutes on hacker news, and one hour for winner within. when you go over the time limit for a website, the browser switches to tab view, and an annoying popup blocks the whole screen and forces you to exit the web browser.

i see no reason to remove these specific time limits and i will add more time limits if other addicting websites come up on my radar.

by the way i do not have any social media apps and all of my timewasting was done within firefox. i had periodically disabled and uninstalled web browsers from my phone, but i keep reinstalling them for whatever reason (needing to look up things while out, etc). i'm hoping time limiting specific websites is the way to go.

additionally i should set my timer lock box for until i actually NEED to use my phone (going out to approach) instead of just for after i wake up

 

[lacroix]

let's say your entire life stays the same but you get transported back to 1990. no internet, but your goals are the same. what do you think your life looks like? what's the first thing you do every morning? what do you do when you're at home bored and want to rest? what about when you want to be productive? in this scenario, what do you do all day?

I see a lot of (understandable) angst over wanting to reduce phone usage. but not sure what your life that you're trying to replace it with looks like.

(I'm thinking about similar things for myself btw)

 

[colgate / bulldog]

let's say your entire life stays the same but you get transported back to 1990. no internet, but your goals are the same. what do you think your life looks like? what's the first thing you do every morning? what do you do when you're at home bored and want to rest? what about when you want to be productive? in this scenario, what do you do all day?

great question, i have thought about the same thing

i wish i were here in japan in the 1990s and 2000s, doing cold approach. that sounds like what i'd be doing all day. then maybe also learning various instruments and writing music for my own idol group lol.

honestly this isn't too far off of what i'd want now. i just want to be approaching girls all day like i used to and pursuing cool side projects and hobbies. my current side project is boxing which i am actually learning to genuinely enjoy, even getting caught up in boxing lore recently.

i think more specifically, i'd like to be the type of person who makes a list of things to do for the day, and then just does them. it's not that i don't know what to do, it's that my soul and my lizard brain, my parent and my child brain, my prefrontal cortex and my limbic brain are at odds to the point where i seem to be two contradictory individuals inhabiting the same physical body

 

[colgate / bulldog]

I see a lot of (understandable) angst over wanting to reduce phone usage. but not sure what your life that you're trying to replace it with looks like.

to elucidate upon this point, "phone use" is not an issue of lack of things to do, it always stems from avoiding things i should be doing

 

[colgate / bulldog]

wednesday 6/19
good thing 1: did 7 approaches, got 1 contact. after battling approach anxiety for over an hour, i gained the courage and did 5 approaches. then i briefly met with a wing and did 2 more before going to boxing.

thing to work on: mornings. just have no motivation or energy to do anything until noon usually. i set my alarm for 9:30am but ended up sleeping until 11am. the reason for this was i stayed up until 2:30am on my phone. improvement from 5:30am though. with all my usual outlets blocked, i was just endlessly configuring the phone. today i already have my phone in the timer lock box from before boxing and i will lock my computer after posting this

good thing 2: went to boxing


internet addiction is improving, today was probably the best day so far this week and things are going up. this should also result in my general well-being going up too which will obviously translate to better approach sessions.

the general strategy for handling internet usage will be locking devices until i am going to actually use them next (instead of just for a random amount of hours, or "just the next day"). i tend to funnel myself into the right actions when the easy distractions aren't around. just need to prepare properly when i'm in true soul prefrontal cortex mode so when the lizard child shows up, he is guided into the right action



PRONOIA!

 

[pancakemouse]

I was thinking about this the past couple days.

Unfortunately, this isn't just about the technology. You have the most severe case of "whatever we want to call it" (lack of willpower?) I've ever seen.

Even when you start unlocking devices more, you will return to them unless you are able to diagnose the root issue of what makes you this way. Hopefully the break and the temporary locking measures will give you time to do this.

I wish I could give more constructive feedback.

 

[Sisyphus]

You probably already thought about this, but do you block distracting sites aswell? To me it has consistenly helped to get over all social media addiction.

The only one l was addicted to was youtube because I need it for practical reasons (mostly tutorials). But I decided that even in that case I could download the videos I needed in advance and then block it.

Straight up eliminating distractions is almost always the most effective solution for me, by far. And removing choice. When I set my alarm clock, I set up 55676 alarms one after the other and put the phone one the other side of the room.

The thing is, it's not a one time thing. It's a process of being aware of all the excuses your brain gives to you and impulsively taking action before your brain even has time to create the excuse.

If my brain tells me "oh you need to watch youtube for this this and this" I already know it's bullshit and I double down on setting up limits before I get too much distraction momentum.

 

[colgate / bulldog]

good thing 1: did 5 approaches, instantly without any approach anxiety.

thing to work on: I spent until 9:45 p.m. doing my work project, skipping boxing. this is definitely better than wasting my time, but I need to learn how to context switch better

good thing 2: wasted zero time on any devices today, woke up relatively early and just started working


I'd say the only reason I didn't go out earlier to approach was because I didn't plan out the afternoon. but I still managed to go and get the approaches in.

my e-ink smartphone arrived today. video playback is truly atrocious. epic. also typing kind of sucks and using voice recognition is way easier. I'm writing this post on the e-ink smartphone.

also this weekend I'm doing a paid bootcamp with the Japan game group. should be fun

 

[colgate / bulldog]

Unfortunately, this isn't just about the technology. You have the most severe case of "whatever we want to call it" (lack of willpower?) I've ever seen.

this is very spot on and this issue is apparent in many different fields in my life.

even at things i am fairly good at and/or have aptitude in, the moment i hit the point of any kind of resistance, i basically brickwall, stagnate, and quit.

and that's just when i'm challenging myself to hone a skill. the moment competition is involved, i completely shut down and let the other person win. in fact, i tend to overcompensate with trying to be on the "same team" just to avoid competition. for better or for worse, it's why i never really got into video games.

the only time i embrace competition is when i think i am very good and could win, or at least be in the top cohort.

bliss for me, is resistance-free stream of consciousness self-expression. if i can stomach the noob period where i'm totally helpless and clueless just long enough, i end up soaring and letting my creativity unravel.

while i am proud of certain accomplishments, experiences, and pieces of work i've created, the above attitude is very limiting and i'd like to find ways to change.

i think i get into "addictions" because i never graduated out of perhaps toddler-level sensitivity to negative feedback, often either shoving it down or finding loopholes around it and "coping". so i feel entitled to "just wanting to relax bro", even though it's not really relaxing

i would like to improve this but i'm not sure where to begin. i guess all i can do is log my progress in real time like i am now and see what happens. when the resistance and shut down sequence starts to commence, we can see it happen in real time and take corrective measures.

would love to have some kind of discussion about this

 

[colgate / bulldog]

good thing 1: did around 30 approaches and got 3 contacts today at the bootcamp.

very few of the approaches were spotted for me and I spent more time roaming around the area and approaching myself. the anxiety of being "the one guy who didn't approach" was greater than any residual approach anxiety.

I also found a good point between being persistent versus needy. some girls will just stand there and plan their phone and passively ignore you. this is lazy and means I can just keep talking to them. if they want to reject me they're going to have to actively speed off or go in another direction. for example, there was a chick who kept her headphones in for about 30 seconds while I just kept monologuing to her. but then she took out her headphones and she started listening to what I was saying. another 30 seconds later and she put them back in and walked off.

did a milk kanpai with one of the girls but I was lost on the agenda after I had initially bounced her to the convenience store. when I'm approaching an area that I don't know very well, I need to default to karaoke or net cafes. ended up just exchanging.


i want to store and remember this approach session to use as momentum for future approach sessions. this is probably one of my favorite approach sessions since I've been in Japan.

thing to work on: I need to have alternative plans for rainy days. it rained all morning and afternoon, which derailed some of my plans to go outside and go to the shrine. this is the second time grainy weather has "derailed" my plans and I ended up wasting some amount of time. I was intermittently doing work while browsing some technology articles and blogs.

good thing 2: I locked all my devices including my work computer for 2 hours before the bootcamp. I did a little journaling and then took a nap which made me really refreshed for the bootcamp.



I'm starting to hone in on the specifics of how I can fix my vibe. I tend to unconsciously fidget a lot. my energy is unevenly scattered throughout my body, rather than being contained and flowing. I'd like to imagine the energy of someone like the Bengali guy and the general energy i need to have as laminar flow.


the fidgeting even happens when I'm supposedly not anxious. I think I just have a lot of residual baseline anxiety that manifests unconsciously. for example, on my way home i completely destroyed the milk carton i was holding like a puppy dog while i was talking with one of the bootcamp coaches on the way home.




this is a very specific issue to me and i'm going to have to do targeted work on getting rid of this fidgety behavior. but this will contribute hugely to my vibe.


other major notes:
- shoot for more than you think you can get
- anxiety -> question spiral. prefer shitty information providing, see how long you can go without asking questions
- YOU are important! positive emergency!
- force yourself to be in awkward situations, it creates positive tension
- focus all fidgety energy into penis
- !!!!! addict yourself to the sense of taking right action. masochism
- strict insistence on your agenda
- if you have no standards, get her to reveal what's unique about her
- (my own note) make her put in the work of rejecting you


bootcamp will have a 12 hour session tomorrow and 6 hours on sunday.

 

[colgate / bulldog]

also another point which was mentioned that probably everyone has heard before

it's good to keep in mind what to improve on for bad interactions and all, but you should generally forget about it immediately and move on to the next girl

i need to start (and have been) applying this to my life and inner game issues as well. the more i dwell on certain negative traits and fuckups, the more i attach my identity to it, causing my morale and vibe to tank. need to be a little cognizant but then move on and try to live my best life regardless of fuckups i did, even if they were 2 minutes ago