Daygame
Wednesday 12/01:
11#/25+, 0 ID
Applied what I said I was going to do in my last log with cutting back to 2-3 min convos, while zoning in on my "vibe", which was "guy who darts around the country and you're an attractive girl for the ride". Noticed a veritable change in my frame for every interaction. I can say this because I actively noticed several -BSU girls on my approaches for the first time. E.g. girl acts nervous and awkward when I open her, but I care zero and maintain the same energy throughout the conversation. These girls started gradually matching me and getting more energetic as I talked to them and went onto exchange. Conversely, I stopped unnecessarily showering +BSU girls in compliments when they reacted overly positive to my opener. Neither of these were deliberate actions or goals I tried to achieve, rather they were the results of maintaining my frame by not changing how I'm acting based on the girl. My openers were hyper-direct and I hallucinogenically saw myself drawing my bow with my "yo" and sometimes arm tap, waiting for them to have my undivided attention, and shooting them with "you're cute", "you're pretty", "you're adorable", "you're attractive", etc. Didn't stumble over my words at all. And I stopped trying to justify to girls why I'm there on the campus. Didn't profusely apologize to girls I jumpscared, just waited for them to calm down and level out before opening them. Probably one of my best approach sessions to date (extreme positive exchange tilt is just a coincidence btw). Only thing I need to keep myself in check for is not letting "solid frame" be an excuse to be hyper rigid and devolving into robotic approaches again.
Thursday 12/02:
3#/15 + 1 fake, 0 ID
Met up with Ed_ again. It was fun to bounce ideas off of each other in between approaching. Also discovered some new places to approach thanks to him.
Only approach I really want to mention is this one, probably my favorite one of all time:
"Jumpscare" a girl when I walk up to her on the side and say "yo", wait for her to calm down, open, then she's like "omg you're so bold!". I continue to talk to her, and for each thing I tell her, she's like "omg you're so bold!". After like 45 seconds of talking she says "omg you're so bold! but i kinda have feelings for someone". The way she was saying it made me just want to continue interacting with her and push for like 4+ minutes (don't remember how many times). Literally for 4 minutes, everything she said was prefaced with "omg you're so bold". Eventually I got impatient and left and really regret not just taking her on an instadate by the hand or something. I literally don't know when I'll ever run into a girl like this again which is why I'm hitting myself for ejecting after 4 minutes.
https://v3.fastupload.co/file/10341 <-- audio because I captured exactly how she said "omg you're so bold"
Friday 12/03:
6#/35 + 2 fakes, 0 ID
Short morning session with lacroix, was like 1#/15 + 2 fakes on campus. Also it was raining. Also I accidentally approached a guy who had wavy hair and earrings and called him pretty. I heard his voice and his name and I instantly ejected. Absolutely solid. You can never tell with these Asians. Maybe it made his day at least.
Later it stopped raining so I went out to the area Ed showed me yesterday and I honestly did more exploring than approaching because the volume was really low. Took me like 3 hours to do roughly 20 approaches (there were periods of medium traffic here and there, and then long periods of like 0 people). I need to figure out when this place has real volume.
Date
21yo american-born chinese, Thursday 9pm, bar. pull+no hookup.
I literally remembered zero about this girl before I met her at the bar, because my tag in my phone was totally non-descriptive with just her major and "text 2 weeks from now". She arrives 11 minutes early. Holy shit???? I arrive 4 minutes early after I see her text that she's arrived. I was guessing she was going to be Asian since I don't usually tag that in my phone. I see some cute Asian girl with glasses standing by herself watching people ride the mechanical bull with a drink. But I decided just to text where she was anyway and then she looks back and spots me. I go up to her and kind of side-hug her since she was kind of against the wall. We sit down and have a chat for 15 minutes. She's pretty receptive to my random physical screening such as periodically putting my arm over her. I decide to play Mario Kart arcade with her for a round just because I wanted to (this bar has arcade games).
Then I bounce to another bar (which was honestly unnecessary, but I just felt like it. next time I won't do this). I mentioned that one of my favorite drinks is gin and tonic and she's never tried it so I order one for her at the second bar. She takes like 30 minutes to finish it and I'm schizzing out (lol not really, I was fine, I just wanted to say I was schizzing out). More random chat, try to get her to dance a bit but she's not into it. Anyway, after she finally finishes her drink, I just walk out with her to my place and she follows me in no resistance. Then she immediately asks where the bathroom is. I'm like "lol fuck, I'm about to get trolled so hard right now". I fiddle with my computer on my bed in the meanwhile.
She walks out of the bathroom on the phone like "you want me to come over right now?" Yup, called it. She walks in my room and tells me she has an "emergency". I won't log the entire interaction but to summarize, she's like "my friend's boyfriend wants to kill himself and he shut off his phone" *gets on phone*
me: "your friend can't talk to him?"
her: *gets off phone* "no I'm the only person who can talk to him" *gets on phone*
me: "stay for 30 minutes and then go"
her: *gets off phone* "let me check" *gets on phone*
her: *gets off phone* "no i think i have to go right now" *gets on phone*
Probably could have just said "ok go", but I decided to walk her out and give her a ride back (it was like 5 minutes away so I didn't really care). She scurries out of my car as soon as we reach.
I don't really care whether this actually happened or if it was just A+ acting (she really did a good job), because either way it's an absolutely amusing troll. If it was real, then the universe trolled me. If it was an excuse, then it's just a standard troll. Things like this happens to guys all the time so it's mileage for me.
What's interesting is that if I somehow were in this situation 3+ months ago, or if it were my first date of my life, I probably would have been hyper-obsessed with this girl and the situation. But thanks to approach, I see it with clarity and care zero. It's like, alright.
Approach Anxiety: Socially Anxious vs. Socially Disconnected
Read this part of my log first about why some guys may see results with "fewer approaches" than others due to previous sexual experience: https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=23887#p23887
Been contemplating why some guys will inherently have more trouble with approach anxiety than others. I think this journal might provide value to guys trying to figure out why they have to incessantly grind with sustained action to beat their approach anxiety for months, while they perhaps see others overcome it extremely quickly.
Mark Manson proposes two categories of guys in his book "Models": socially anxious and socially disconnected. I'll just post this passage:
If tl;dr: Socially anxious guys are hyper-attuned to social norms and pay attention to the emotions of others, sometimes to the point of their own detriment. Socially disconnected guys are often "bold" and "fearless", but only because they are completely unaware/don't care about social norms, and often have trouble connecting with people.
These categories actually highlight why some guys will be able to get over approach anxiety in a relatively short time (e.g.: ~15 hours over a few days), while others can take months or maybe even years. Socially disconnected guys (like me), will have an inherent advantage to getting over approach anxiety, because most of their approach anxiety is mostly things like "I'm going to get kicked out of this place if I'm hitting on girls", "Do I have the right to talk to girls?". Any approach anxiety reasons related to how a specific girl might perceive the approach or otherwise non self-centered reasons are often shallower and are overcome relatively quickly, compared to the deep-rooted reasons. Once a socially disconnected guy overcomes his approach anxiety, he will often be doing approaches that many might perceive as audacious extremely early on (e.g. approach girl sitting at a table in a restaurant with 6 other people). But it should be clarified that it's not out of being inherently "ballsier", it's actually often out of being mostly oblivious to social norms and the emotions of the girl/surrounding people/situation he is in for those approaches. A brick wall socially disconnected guys will hit early on after getting over anxiety and getting their confidence up to where they want it is while they are "confident", they literally don't know what to do (extremely socially uncalibrated).
On the other hand, socially anxious guys will have a much harder time overcoming approach anxiety. I'm not socially anxious myself, but maybe other guys here who perceive themselves that way can chime in about their personal approach anxiety struggles (I would greatly appreciate it actually, since that would make this journal have even more value. Reply to this thread, and I'll edit them into this post. Most of what I'm writing here is how I've observed lacroix during approach sessions). Since these guys are so hyper-aware of the surroundings and their perception of how the girls whom they want to talk to will judge the approach, there's objectively more baggage to overcome and power through, as opposed to socially disconnected guys. Additionally, they may also have a harder time maintaining frame and their approach interactions will probably be more wildly affected by the girl's reactions (e.g.: being absolutely enamored and "in love" with a hyper-receptive girl while simultaneously taking lots of rejections where they can't even get past "hi" because they *think* the girl is ignoring them and wants to be left alone, when often that may not be the case). Even when they get into approach, they will have a long road of ramping up to more "audacious" approaches (e.g.: can only hit on girls who are doing absolutely nothing, can't hit on a girl in a group, can't hit on a girl walking, etc)
Obviously the above categories are more of a gradient rather than two discrete categories.
A mindset I might be able to provide for socially anxious guys (this was also one thing Ed_ and I were discussing on Thursday) is that 95%+ of the time, the girl is minding her own business and is completely "oblivious" to the surrounding environment that you've perceived to make approaching her "out of your place". Put more harshly, the universe doesn't care about you and neither does the girl. I say this from a positive perspective as it can potentially alleviate much of the emotional "responsibility" that socially anxious guys may put on themselves. You do your approach, and be firm about it, and then you can have an interaction with her and it'll be alright.
