THE BULLDOG DIGEST
ISSUE 283 - September 27, 2022
bazonkers chick
It took me a while to get around writing about this girl because I was mainly just annoyed with her, but I know I have to write about it eventually, so here it is.
4th date
This date happened last Thursday.
She had come over to my place and
baked me a cake and a pie.
While she was stacking the cake and putting in the strawberries, she asked if the giant chefs knife we have is the only knife we had. Since we’re in a bachelor pad, we pretty much don’t have all of the basic utensils LOL!!!!
I had taken a butterknife, stood behind her while holding her and put the butterknife near her throat as a joke:
here’s the knife
I did this because I thought it would be funny and I wanted to ramp up the tension. I think she laughed it off.
When she was done preparing the cake, we sat on the couch and I turned on some nonsense generic TV show. We ate our cakes and then spooned on the couch.
I started making out with her on the couch, and then said let’s go watch some more stuff in my bedroom.
We head to my room, and for some reason the wi-fi was out on my laptop so I just put on some music I had saved on my laptop.
Then I started escalating on her as usual, making out, being over her, etc.
I got her overshirt off, and I got her to feel my chest through my shirt, and then take off my shirt.
Then I unhooked her bra while we kissed.
I tried to put her arms through the loops of her undershirt to take it off, but she didn’t budge.
I got up off of her and she…
immediately re-hooks her bra
wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m like pent up and aroused out of my mind.
I try making out with her here and there, etc, blah blah.
I try getting her hand over my pants, and she basically resists repeatedly.
I notice the makeouts get less enthusiastic and she reciprocates less.
But I am wayyyyyyyyyyyy too fuckin pent up to let this slide.
I literally just whip my dick out and start jerking off.
I do one…two…three pumps
holy fuck……………..i’m about to EXPLODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hold my dick for like 20 seconds, unmoving
with no additional pumps….
MAYDAY!!!! ABORT ABORT!!!!
MOUNT COLGATE IS GONNA ERUPT!!!!!!!
EVACUATE THE TOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GET OUT!!! GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT THE FU-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAoR4h6SQGg
Mount colgate has unleashed its contents into the stratosphere! (halfway up to the ceiling)
Perhaps it’s even gone into space (the ceiling fan)!?!!???? (no it didnt go that high but it was pretty close)
The town is no longer, any poor soul dawdling in the town is now a fossil preserved in ash. (the cum splattered and covered both of us)
I clean us up and then realizing that I've gotten nowhere after
four dates, I realized I’m going to have to have a talk with her.
I take us out for a little walk, and then sit on some benches at a nearby park.
i am looking for an relationship where we both are intimate and have a connection
…
i think we have the connection part going, we have met up four times now and we have fun, do you agree?
yes
but i need the intimacy. it’s going to be hard for me to continue to see you if we don’t do that. we haven’t progressed anywhere since the first date
it’s hard for me to open up physically without an emotional connection first
what does that mean? do you want me to text you more? we can call and chat outside of meeting up you know
i mean…yeah….
i’m not expecting us to go all the way on the next date, but i at least want to see some progress or else i don’t think this is going to work out
I walked us back to the apartment so I could see her off.
Then we walked to her car
yeah, text me when you want to call, i’ll make time for that
…
She stood there and wouldn’t go inside her car.
…
…
…do you want to go for a drive and talk now?
yes!
So she put away the cake materials in her car and we headed off to my car and I started randomly driving around.
what are you looking for?
well as i said earlier, i’m looking for intimacy and a connection
so…do you want that with multiple girls or just one girl
well, right now i would go on dates with others but if you and i click, i won’t really want to see other girls
I thought that was an ok answer at the time, but I realized all I did was be super mousy and answer the question in a way to avoid the potential pain of getting a rejection, and it was very indirect.
I basically tried to “logically pigeonhole” her question. More on that in the Takeaways.
I tried to dig deeper into why she was so averse to doing anything physical.
im being open and showing you that i like you and it’s all fine until you close up and it makes me feel like i’m not sure if you like me
i just dont want to get ghosted…
why would you get ghosted, if we’re intimate i would love spending more time with you and we will have a lot of fun
yeah you say that, but then i still get ghosted
i’m clearly looking for something beyond a one night stand, why would i take you out to the farmers market to make curry, and then see you four times so far? and the last date we had fun at the bowling alley right?
yeah
so clearly i want to do things other than just being at my place, but it’s going to be hard for me to want to continue to do that if we don’t advance
you say that but one time a guy made pasta for me, and then he still ghosted me
that literally doesn’t make any sense. in any case, i’m already 26 now. i’m done with the hookups, if i wanted hookups i would just go down to broadway and get it.
Anyway I don’t 100% remember how that conversation ended but it did at some point, and we started talking about more lighter and fun topics.
We basically drove around to random bullshit Nashville suburbs for around an hour and I was asking her about the various places we were at.
She kept calling every random town racist. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then we got back to my place.
i’m also on a new birth control that gives me weird periods (????) so sometimes i won’t be able to be intimate
lol i dont really mind
yeah but i do
I walked her to her car and kissed her goodbye.
5th date
Before the 5th date, we had this conversation over text:
View attachment 1
At the park, we walked to this lake area with ducks.
I put my arm over her, but she basically just starfished. Like she just let me put it there but didn’t reciprocate or come closer to me. uhh ok
Then we walk around some more and I find a swinging bench for us to sit down.
I have my arm over her, but she’s just still kind of closed off.
As a final test to see what’s up, I go for a makeout. We kiss for a little bit.
But she’s starfishing there too. I’ve kissed this girl 8-9 times already, so I know what she’s like when she’s into it and when she’s not.
And this just felt like I was putting my lips on top of some sex doll’s lips (…not that I would know)
After sitting in silence for a few minutes…
why are you seeing me?
…i don’t know
last time i said that if you want us to keep seeing each other i expect some progress physically
yeah i know you want more sexual things
i mean yes, but i’m not even talking about that. just now i’m putting my arm around you and you’re just sitting there doing nothing.
i can’t open up physically until we have an emotional connection though
This is where I got hyper male autism mode because I hate hearing the word emotional connection omfg. Pretty uncalibrated conversation from this point on, but I’m genuinely trying to understand what’s happening.
I understand now (after debriefing) that “emotional connection” boils down to “she feels like it, she wants to be led, she wants to do what you want to do” but HOW???????????????????????????????????????
so what do you need from me to have an emotional connection? i respond to your ‘how’s your day going’ texts and i told you that you can let me know if you want to call
i…don’t know…
i mean ok so you don’t know. but i’ve laid out pretty clearly what i want. i want to have sex with you. and way more than one time. guys will emotionally open up to you if you open up physically to them, but we’re guys so we need the physical thing too. we’ve met up several times and had a lot of fun, we had a lot of fun going bowling and making curry right?
yeah….
and it’s like we’re doing this fun stuff where we’re both enjoying each other and it’s going great, and then all of a sudden i want to show that i like you, and as i’ve said earlier i like to be physical when i show that i like someone, but then you just close off. i’m not seeing other girls (eghh lie) do you need me to commit to you so you quit closing off? you said in the text you need me to say that “explicitly” <— this lie is super incongruent which probably threw shit off
i also recognize that you are showing me that you like me i presume, by continuing to meet up and doing things like baking me a cake, which i appreciated by the way. but it feels like we're trying to shoot arrows at each other that are totally missing each other
well we’re not even in a relationship so it’s fine if you’re seeing multiple girls, and i don’t want to just get into a relationship so we can get physical
also, you just keep pushing and pushing even when i say no
you’re talking about the second date, and i apologized about uncovering your trauma, and i wanted to just have fun with you on the 3rd date. we had fun then, right?
yeah….
so i don’t know if you still have like unhandled trauma or what…
i already handled my trauma! you dont need to bring that up
ok well in that case then i don’t see what the issue is. you’re not going to find some guy who’s just going to only be emotional with you without having some kind of physical connection too
that’s not true! i know two guys like that!
then why aren’t you dating one of them???
i just don’t see them that way!
ok well i’ve laid out what i want pretty clearly and if you’re not down for that, we don’t have to continue seeing each other
yeah, i guess we don’t have to see each other
ok but you’re going to have a pretty hard time finding a guy who supposedly wants what you want
There were various points in the above exchange where she started randomly shaking a bunch and almost tearing.
We sat in silence for a little bit and then I had us walk around for a bit. I tried to lighten up the pretty somber mood with some nonsense commentary on people in the park, and we petted some dogs.
I decided to try to probe if she wanted to hang out longer to potentially talk or if she wanted to end it for sure.
do you want to go straight home or do you want to go on a drive
we can go home
So we got back to the parking garage of my apartment. I dropped her off from my car this time and she dashed out of my car.
Takeaways: forwardness and directness
I took so long to write this report because it just annoyed me and I wanted to just push it aside. But it had to be done.
I had a long call with Manly Cockfellow regarding this chick and the dates I’ve gone on with her.
The huge lesson here is something that is pretty much basic knowledge, you can’t be indirect when dealing with girls. As in, you can’t just mouse around and try to make any progress.
For example, I think it was a huge mistake to use the word “intimacy” rather than “sex” on the fourth date. It didn’t make a difference that I later used the word sex, because I had already set the frame as “I’m being indirect”
But I think this experience with me being so indirect with answering this girl’s questions on the 4th date highlights to me the specific reasons why that is the case.
She had asked some pretty polarizing questions, such as “are you looking for that with multiple girls or just one girl”
And in the moment, rather than doing something effective, I wanted to “avoid the potential pain of rejection”.
So I answered in the way that was congruent with “avoiding pain” over TAKING THE PLUNGE. I didn’t TAKE THE PLUNGE here.
What would have been effective would have been being far more direct and blatant. For example:
so…do you want that with multiple girls or just one girl
i’m not committing to a single girl right now. we’ll have to see where things go and i may consider it in the future, but right now i won’t commit unless i really like you
colgate said:
(current-situation) or (what-you-want / negative-outcome)
(current-situation): awkward nonsense where she’s closed off but still meeting me
(what-you-want / negative-outcome): she starts opening up physically and eventually we have sex / she tells me right then and there that she isn’t down for seeing me anymore
But since I gave very dodgy answers to her questions, I got exactly the
(current-situation) scenario.
Additionally I had a debrief with Troy regarding this entire situation, and have noticed a common theme in my interactions.
I’m forward, but indirect.
I’m forward because I do advance the interaction in a timely manner and I do not pussy out in that regard.
However, the way in which I try to advance the interaction is indirect. For example, I used the word “intimate” instead of “sexual”, and there’s a lot of other things I can’t explain, but I don’t think my escalation is very confident either. I feel like I’m trying to sneak-escalate on the girl instead of confidently owning up that I’m escalating on her. At least that’s what’s going on in my head.
Somehow, my baseline for trying to “solve problems” is “logical pigeonholing”, like I almost want to “cheat” the system and find a loophole to get what I want.
I’ll often do things like make it a logical impossibility for a girl to do anything except what I want. Such as “putting the drinks in my room and then asking if the girl wants a drink, and then going in my room to drink the drinks”.
And whatever vibes I give off on dates, and maybe it’s my looks too, I come off as a guy she’s seeing as potential boyfriend material.
So when I go for pulls or escalate, I’m met with lots of resistance.
And I get endlessly frustrated, because by being indirect, I’m making some kind of caricature of what I
think the girl wants from me to do what I want, when it’s not actually me. So when I’m met with rejection or resistance, it angers me to no end because it’s like “well I’M not the one who actually got rejected but I’m still being punished???” at least if I could be more honest and direct and get rejected that way, I can take it as “okay, my actual proposition and desires and I myself got rejected, that’s acceptable. I’m taking personal responsibility, not this facsimile character”.
Basically, my mindset towards getting laid has been “make the girl do what I want” (through unconsciously cajoling her) when it should be “make the girl
want to do what i want” (by making her feel like she wants to do it…EMOTIONAL CONNECTION????????????????????????????)
It’s what I’m missing with the whole inability to “emotionally connect” (which is what I’m working on).
This will likely be resolved by attending more meetups and social events and observing how guys who look like they get laid act and interact with people, and apply the emotional connection template I had written in my
date stack earlier. I actually have a lot to say about this but it’ll be in a different section.
extreme aversion to emotional connection, caring about others’ feelings, and being empathetic
I know objectively why I need to do this. This is absolutely necessary, and I’m brickwalled until I get over myself.
Every time I hear anything about caring about a girl’s or anyone’s “emotions” I instantly cringe.
Why can’t people just be robots like me, accept things for what they are, and have fun? Why are people attach their identity to their views and feelings? Why do we have to care about the feelings about each other? If we do things that are fun and enjoyable we’ll feel better right??????
What is this magic “I have to feel like it” thing???
colgate said:
In this moment, I pretty much just felt annoyed. Like there is literally zero reason why I should be getting this much resistance on a second date pull where the first time was intense grinding and a handjob, and she’s just trying to stir up drama. Sure, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a lay, but we should at least have our clothes off and getting to third base here. And this feeling I had only intensified when she started trembling and crying.
It’s like I have negative empathy or something.
If empathy is being able to feel the emotion another person feels, I definitely do not have that.
I am starting to be able to perceive others’ emotions, and if I can logically deduce why they felt that way I am very sympathetic and understanding.
But if it makes no fucking sense I basically just feel annoyed and think they have no right to feel that way and they should get over themselves, “negative” empathy.
This situation was a case of the last scenario for me.
I hate that I have this “negative” empathy (I just became able to describe what exactly this was after this experience). It’s a totally involuntary response, and it is going to bite me in the ass for months to come.
If I had normal fucking emotional responses to other people’s emotions, I would be able to handle situations like this better. Not just in dating, but regular social interaction too. Maybe I’ll never be able to develop true empathy, but at least if I could convert “negative empathy” into sympathy->understanding without requiring myself to “logically understand” their feelings, then all areas in my life involving social interaction would skyrocket into another echelon (read: freaking normal lmao). The way I could see potentially making progress on this is pretty much overriding and shutting down my own emotional response to “illogical emotional responses” from other people so I can just be universally sympathetic and understanding.
I have to have to have to have to get over this. I know. BUT HOW?????????????????????????????????????????
camping trip
I’m going to Minnesota to go camping with 2 close friends until next week to just disconnect from everything for a bit (this trip was planned months in advance, so I’m not specifically doing this because of this girl lol).
…IN THE NEXT ISSUE OF THE BULLDOG DIGEST…
- why did you impulsively buy a one way plane ticket to japan???
- but colgate, what about the 20 lays??? what happened to the gym???
- …and more…maybe
