Dim's Daily Progress Log

Day Review: 2022-12-19

Today was an absolutely bare minimum day
I worked on my article, a bit on my job. And then I played games for the remainder of the day.

Does my perfectionist attitude wants to label this day as a failure? Definitely
But I won't.
I allowed myself to relax my mind and do what I wanted. I allowed myself to detach from everything and do not feel pressure to perform, if only for a bit.
It was ok. I still kept a little momentum. And I am returning to myself tomorrow as much as I possibly can.
___
Business - 1/3 - 30m
- Blog - Almost finished one of the drafts

Dating - 0/3 - 0h

Mindset - 1/3 - 30m
- Journal/Mirror

Social - 0/3 - 0h

Looks - 0/3 - 0h

Relaxation - 1/3 - 14h
- Leisure time - 2h
- Games - 6h
- Sleep extended - 6h

Life Support - 0/3 - 2h
- Very little job focus
 
Day Review: 2022-12-20

Doing slightly better today. Had some more actions.
Trying to see my long distraction periods as an opportunity to practice handling this low-effort state.
Attempting different things to counter my laziness and inability to concentrate.

I am scared of the thought "I don't want to do it" in my head and my failing attempts to overcome it.
It is hard to reframe thoughts when almost everything inside me refuses to do it.
But ultimately, I know it will pass and even be for the better - I will learn from it.

My near-time approach - try different things to pull myself back into doing some action, or at least to wait out this period of "action-apathy" with small counter actions every day.

Notes:
___
(1) Mindset - Reflections and Reframing passive state to "How It Was A Win"

Yesterday I didn't do much - and it was very useful.
I got to see a lot of fears, share in the group and see where I could improve - that is the power of coaching.
In normal peer groups I would be intimidated to post it - because I kinda have to prove myself there. But in coaching - I paid for it - and I believe I can (and deserve) to receive help. I trust the process - and it helps.

I also noticed how me finally getting laid can push back my progress in other areas, specifically in business. Or maybe it shines light on my mental stuff and ego I better deal with?
Either way, I now see the value in both sides - I thought not having sex is what gave me frustration and distracted from putting in effort. But at the same time it was giving me good focus, more time and energy. I can clearly see now how it may have been beneficial.
On the other hand, getting my dating life handled gave me more peace. I feel happier and less pressure -but got to deal with complacency, less time and more people in life.
It gets a bit more complicated. And my ego shows talking about low performance.

I am glad I have this experience now. It showed me important areas to work on. And it showed me that there are always something to learn from something seemingly "negative".

___
My ideas for handling my low motivation today were:
- I can play my game, but after an hour switch to work or writing an article for some time. I can write about this very thing - How to balance leisure and work time on these days.
It worked with my job tasks. But article - was hard to focus and I wrote very little. Still tried.

- I can use today to practice "what I can do to win" mindset
I used it today, to switch to my work tasks. Or to go do mirror therapy. Minor things, but was able to do something useful in the moments when I wanted to blame myself.

- I can practice looking at my areas of life list, and see what little step I can take to improve there. If I don't have huge focus on one area, it is easy to have a small progress in all of them.
Also used it to prompt some actions - couldn't force to go into Dating and Social territory - but still was useful.

- I can use it later as an opportunity to deal with my ego
That will definitely come up on my next sessions and be the change I need - one way or another. Of that I am sure. This state will be for the better in the long run.

___
I think I'm worrying again about wasting time in my coaching.
I would have been ok by myself, I know that even if I have 2-4 weeks of really being low effort, then I will turn it around and it will even help in the long run.

But with limited time here I once again worry about losing the opportunity to get help with later stages - that I just won't be able to reach these stages in time.

I'm afraid I'm gonna use that "you can have bad days" as an excuse to have low effort days. I don't know if i need it to happen, if they actually help.
Or if I'm falling into this dangerous spiral where I would neglect all in my life just to have this "must needed" no-pressure period of relaxation.

I think I'm doing it right now. Today I can feel that I don't want to do anything also. Yes, I tried and will try to learn from yesterday and do some things better.
But I am afraid that my intention is already to make excuses. And that I don't really see the power in me today to resist it fully.

___
Business - 1/3 - 30m
- Worked on an article

Dating - 0/3 - 0h

Mindset - 1/3 - 2.5h
- Journal/Mirror
- Reflection/Reframing practice (above - 1)
- Reverted to doing small steps as an attempt to counter low state

Social - 0/3 - 0h

Looks - 1/3 - 2h
- Gym - deload week 2/3 (day 3/5)

Relaxation - 1/3 - 5.5h
- Many distractions/games/videos - which allow me to unwind and relax from pressure
- Walk 20min

Life Support - 1/3 - 5h
- Job focus
 
Day Review: 2022-12-21

My morning plan, for reference:
_____
After sleeping some part of the reason returned to me.
I feel completely paranoid and unable to trust my mind. But there is still something there that wants to help me. Some part that I can trust. I just need to reason with the rest to get to her.

Stating results of the breakdown - without blame to me - it is just the facts, my current reality:
- There is no trust that I can pull it off and find the next steps
- My sleeping schedule is broken. Now there are 5 hours less in this day.
- I cannot focus on something that is hard to do
- I cannot get out of the house
- I cannot handle human contact, at least with people who I don't know for years and trust greatly.
- I cannot force myself to look at what I wrote yesterday in the group and REPLY there.

My primary focus right now is to attempt to fix trust with myself. Without pushing me to do anything big - that causes immediate paranoid response and closes me off. The steps need to be really tiny.
I cannot use advice here, not for now, not in current state. I will read it as a support, but implementing it will be some much later step.

What I can do next:
- Writing this Plan of action
- Listen closely to whatever feelings I get. Stop IMMEDIATELY when there is a resistance - I have no barriers now to handle it.
But think of some smaller thing that can still be done - compromise. There is always something that can be done to get me closer to it.
- It will be great to use the group. I can GO there, READ the replies to my posts if any, and POST this plan - it will make me feel better, like I reached for help (tiny step), without actually getting in contact.
That should stop my reaction to defend if I read something that goes against my current narrative. And I will be able to reply and use comments later when I feel better.
- Have good breakfast
- Write 5 things why am I grateful for this paranoia
- Do something tiny instead of what I cannot muster to do. Just do the best I can do in areas of life that can help me:
- Biz - Expand on my yesterday article with my current paranoia
- Body - do pushups instead of gym
- Social - text to my friend and say to her what I feel rn and ask for one phrase of support
- Job - read through my tasks, do something if I can
- For games - choose instead something more simple and lighthearted - that I can switch off from easily, and that doesn't involve me in plot.
- I have call with my psychologist in 5h - that can help
- I have to notice, this crisis handling is somewhat fun too. Try to see this recovery as a process of small steps and do the next one when I can.
_____

_
Today I again went into games for hours as a "perfect" escape and self-medication.

And now, at the end of the day, I'm writing this and again feeling really bad - for having so much time wasted, for not having that "fix" anymore and for the no other choice but to face reality.

Still attempting to recover.
Sticking up to my structure as much as I possibly can - replacing the things I can't do with something small.
Tiny steps, but I will not let go of it.
Trying different techniques to keep doing slightly more than bare minimum.
Probably did a bit better than yesterday, was able to focus a bit more.
And had some important calls and support that helped.
We'll see next days how it will be.

_
Why I'm grateful to this paranoia:
- I get to see how my breakdown really looks like
- When I handle it I will become much stronger
- It is fun in some way to find my way out of it
- I get to recover mentally and physically
- I get to look at it and practice coming up with only the next step to do - not overwhelming
- I get to listen closely to my feelings and protect myself
- I noticed how in all severity of this paranoia I wasn't beating myself - I just couldn't understand why my mind doesn't listen to me - I was just really fucking scared. And still is.

___
Business - 1/3 - 30m
- Worked on article for 30m
Dating - 0/3
Mindset - 1/3 - 3h
- Finding some things I can be grateful now
- Reaching out for help in the group
- Call with psychologist
- Coming up with ideas and plan of action
Social - 1/3 - 20m
- Texted my friend and asked her to say something supportive
Looks - 0/3 - 5m
- Did some pushups
Relaxation - 0/3 - 5h
- Played games for 5 hours
Life Support - 1/3 - 4h
- Job focus for 2h
 
Day Review: 2022-12-22

I attempted more reasoning with myself today
As a result - I am satisfied.
I cannot blame myself for anything - I made a pact and I completed it.
One step closer to building that trust with my mind again.
And I even made some good progress today.
_

Both of my clients cancelled coaching calls for the holidays - one in advance, and one today.
THANK FUCKING WORLD. That is exactly what I needed right now lmao.

I LOVE talking to them, and I will not cancel or back away on a promise - it is serious for me.
But in my current state it would have been a real challenge to keep it up.
I'm still having trouble handling people in front of me, at least the ones I don't know for years and trust completely - so who knows how it would have affected me.
At least now I am sure I can recover in a more stable way.

___
Woke up at 3:30 as usual - felt I need more as I went to sleep 1h late yesterday.
So I started negotiations:
_
What do I think will help me and my body?
- Going back to sleep till 8AM. Not going to the gym. Staying at home. Having late breakfast.
_
Why do I think it will help?
- It will give me more time to relax, both mentally and physically. Not spend my energy on pushing myself, when I may need it for my day.
_
What will justify it for me? What do I need not to blame myself?
I will be ok with sacrifices from above, if i will implement following tasks today:
- I will go to the shower when I wake up (done)
- I will write my journal in the middle of my late breakfast (done)
- I will take my time and focus on food without distractions (done)
- Instead of playing games immediately afterwards I will make a coffee and read book for 1h (done)
- I will do banded sit-ups for 3x10 reps (done some pushups at least)
- I will post a twit with my state and takeaway (done)
- I will start writing a Reddit post about my paranoia (done article)
- I will look through my job tasks and make 2PRs (done)

___
Business - 1/3 - 30m
- Written a draft of a new article - I will count it instead of Reddit post
- Twit
Dating - 0/3
Mindset - 2/3 - 6h
- Reasoning practice - found ways to make compromise
- Week Review
- Accountability call
- Diet tracking sheet refactor
- Journal/Blog/Mirror
- Reading book "Emotional Compass" - my psychologist advice to me
Social - 0/3 - 0h
Looks - 0/3 - 5m
- Pushups - comfort for the mind
Relaxation - 0/3 - 6h
- Sleep extended - 4h
- Played games for 2h only (yay?)
- Read book
Life Support - 1/3 - 4.5h
- Good job focus for 3h - made 2 Task PRs as planned
 
Day Review: 2022-12-23

I spent all day not doing anything productive and doing only what I wanted.
Well, I was practicing listening to myself every hour... And I had some great realisations while playing games, about the structure of day-offs... And I kept my journal, worked a bit... And then at some point I didn't want to play and I watched videos and podcasts about emotional energy and written a post about games instead...

Maybe it IS impossible to be completely unproductive, lmao
_
I realised that even if now all hat I want is to play my videogames and see the story - it is impossible for me to do it for a long period of time. I would just stop after couple of days, or weeks maximum. I don't need to fear that anymore.
I don't need to be ashamed of it either. It is just my attempt at changing pace and relaxing - someone can take vacation, and I can play games. It won't control me - I will just get bored, haha.

___
Business - 0/3 - 0h
Dating - 1/3 - 5m
- Set up dates with leads/FWB
Mindset - 2/3 - 4h
- Practiced listening to my wants closely
- Written a post about videogames I played, and why I am grateful for them
- Journal/Mirror
Social - 1/3 - 10m
- Texted friends
Looks - 0/3 - 0h
Relaxation - 2/3 - 12h
- Played games, finally without pressure and shame - I allowed to do what I want.
- Lied down for a bit, watched useful videos and podcasts
Life Support - 1/3 - 2h
- A bit of work
 
Day Review: 2022-12-24

Fully embraced day-off no-pressure actions - gym, games, meet with T - all GAVE me energy and joy, no stress at all.

___
Business - 0/3 - 0h
Dating - 1/3 - 10m
- 2x2 boosts - A lot of matches / leads - messaging leads
Mindset - 1/3 - 30m
- Journal/Mirror
Social - 2/3 - 5h
- Meet with T - practiced being more vulnerable, some coaching skills and just having fun - I fucking love spending time with her.
Looks - 1/3 - 2h
- Gym - Deload week 3/3 (Day 1/5)
Relaxation - 2/3 - 6.5h
- Walk
- Games
Life Support - 1/3 - 3.5h
- Haul for meal prep
 
Day Review: 2022-12-25

Amazing no-pressure day with cool events and a long totally-worth-it date at the end.
_
(1) I met with An - girl from Tinder I matched ten days ago - she was shy but extremely receptive and nice. Not to mention she is finally about my age and not older, haha. She felt so affectionate and giving in messages, so I was very excited to meet her... and she was even greater.

I think we clicked very fast. We both were nervous but still shared a lot of our stuff and had a good time. I invited her back, no pressure but just to made out. haha. And it was very nice and chill being here with her. We were exchanging stories, making out, and after some time we relaxed, became more passionate and ended up fooling around a bit.

I loved moving slowly with her (well it was still first date, talking about my new normal lmao). Paying attention to her, trying to move forward but carefully and without pressure. It was such a rollercoaster (I made it that way I guess) of being gentle and sensual, looking into each other eyes and just smiling. And then passionate and a bit rough, kissing, showing desire and how horny we were.
We became incredibly intimate over this time. The dynamic was just perfect.

We spent like 9 hours in total together and I enjoyed every minute of it. I will meet with her at the beginning of 2023, it will be amazing to start the year from that. And I want to see her again more afterwards. Adds to it that she is into psychology and quite self-aware, so that will make for good times.
_
I didn't have that kind of intimate connection for more than a year of trying, and honestly I didn't believe it could happen here. I knew it would in the future when I "move out to some open country", but definitely not now. And in some way I didn't believe that I deserve it happening to me... yet.
I went on this date just excited for good time and her being nice to me... And ended up with one of the hottest and intimate moments in my entire life.
Keep an open mind guys. This shit is totally random and everything is possible.

___
Business - 0/3 - 0h
Dating - 3/3 - 9h
- Had extremely sensual and intimate experience with a girl from Tinder (above - 1)
- 1x2 boost, messaging leads
Mindset - 1/3 - 30m
- Journal/Mirror
Social - 1/3 - 10m
- Texting friends
Looks - 1/3 - 3h
- Gym - Deload week 3/3 (Day 2/5)
Relaxation - 2/3 - 3h
- Walk/Enjoying good day and the sun
- Games
Life Support - 0/3 - 2h
 
Day Review: 2022-12-26

Cool day, was focused on article, reading and my date/sex.
Completely neglected job though, so I will focus on it really good tomorrow.
_
I was a bit worried, but I had no urge to play videogames today, my days-off really served its purpose - I both enjoyed them, relaxed and fulfilled my desire in some way. Now I want to focus more on myself and other stuff in life.

I really don't need to worry about slipping up anymore - if I do, it is for a reason, and I will eventually return to my path
___
Business - 2/3 - 1.5h
- Started writing an awesome article - will be really important one for me internalising it

Dating - 2/3 - 5.5h
- Met with Ir. , and had a good convo opening up in addition to all the sexy stuff. Step up for me.

Mindset - 2/3 - 2.5h
- Journal/Mirror
- Reading "Loving What Is" - I love this book, missed reading it...

Social - 1/3 - 10m
- Texting friends, keeping in touch with my contacts here

Looks - 0/3 - 0h

Relaxation - 2/3 - 3.5h
- Extended sleep

Life Support - 2/3 - 4h
- Meal prep 2x for the week
 
Day Review: 2022-12-27

I was feeling really strong gratitude towards everything and everyone today.
I was at peace, mindful, focused but relaxed at the same time.
It was an amazing day from the internal development standpoint.
Even though I worked a lot today, I did it on my own pace, without any stress. And it didn't take away any of my energy.

I enjoyed it all very big time.
___
Business - 2/3 - 2h
- Continue writing my big important article
Dating - 0/3 - 0h
Mindset - 2/3 - 0.5h
- Journal/Mirror
Social - 1/3 - 20m
- Texting friends, expressing gratitude to close people
Looks - 1/3 - 2h
- Gym deload week 3/3 (day 3/5)
Relaxation - 1/3 - 1h
- Pre-sleep leisure
Life Support - 2/3 - 10h
- Awesome job focus
- Bought stuff for home and quality of life
 
Day Review: 2022-12-28

Day turned out to be chill again.
Gym, then psychology session and then I met with a friend and had no time left for job and Blog. I guess I was too slow this time haha.
_
On psychology session my fears of complacency resurfaced again for a while - that I am not doing enough now, and while it is all useful for my overall self-improvement, it is not advancing my Biz forward and won't get me new clients.
I am not sure yet if it is better to give in to it or keep trusting my choices and aim for overall development. I'll see what happens in next days.
_
Met with T, had a lot of fun just hanging around, talking and watching our music videos. I did something similar only years ago, so it was quite nice.
___
Business - 0/3 - 0h
Dating - 0/3 - 0h
Mindset - 2/3 - 7h
- Journal/Mirror
- Group session
- Psychology session
Social - 2/3 - 6h
- Met with T, long hangout
Looks - 1/3 - 2.5h
- Gym deload week 3/3 (day 4/5)
Relaxation - 1/3 - 30m
- Pre-sleep leisure
Life Support - 0/3 - 3h
 
Day Review: 2022-12-29

Started very un-energetic but kept doing small steps and turned it into a great day.

Notes:
_
Gratitude once again overturned this day in my opinion.
While going after my goals - gym - in half-zombie mode, I remembered this girl An I met on Sunday and how awesome she was. I just couldn't resist writing her that, and that led us up texting back-and forth, with her saying a lot of (crazy to me) things about how she liked our date and me.
I definitely didn't expect this, I wanted to just express her some of my warm feelings, and received back tenfold. It was so awesome to hear that from her.
_
With all that, now I have 4 girls in my life (both friends AND dates) telling me how great I am and how they like me.
And I still cannot internally believe what they tell me...
What will it take for me to finally internalise it? That is a very great question.
_
good thing - even in the middle of a no-so-good state of being, I once again was feeling gratitude for many things in my life, for people and expressed it to them. This starts to happen more frequently and is awesome. So even if I won't make as much progress as I hoped business-side, I know that I made huge advancements towards feeling better and happier.
_
I decided to write my gratitude and expand it with some more points:
So today:
- I am grateful for having my friend T in my life. That she adds a lot of trust and fun into my life and is always eager to meet with me.
- I am grateful for having met An and our date. For her being so kind and affectionate and giving me beautiful memories from just our first date.
- I am grateful for gym, how much progress I made, how my muscles and abs show up, how good my body looks now
- I am grateful for having opportunity to fulfill my dream - get into coaching, have Andy and the group help me with my life
- I am grateful for being in Serbia, in winter weather that doesn't hurt me, able to live here, have money and work on my goals
- I'm grateful for being able to be grateful without prompting already on some events that happen in my life. And that I can express the appreciation to these people.
_
Small wins, that I want to give credit to:
- I overcame my excuses and left a package my landlord asked for in an exchange office - I had huge fear of the worker thinking I'm weird
- I overcame my excuses and scheduled a doctor's appointment by calling 2 clinics - I had a fear of them not understanding English and it all being awkward. One of them actually knew it so terrible, and second asked for another worker - so my fears actually came true but I am ok and have no bad thoughts about it.
- I was tired and didn't want to go out of the house, but looked at my gym schedule - realised that I actually like the way I created it for today - then went on and had a great workout.
- Even though right now I don't feel capable of actually doing something for biz, I written next steps, blockers and approaches that I can do to get a little bit closer to it
___
Business - 1/3 - 1.5h
- Worked on yearly review plan - want to make content on it
- Writing next steps for outreach

Dating - 1/3 - 20h
- Texting An, some rapport and building up to next meet

Mindset - 2/3 - 3h
- Week Review done
- Accountability call
- Journal/Mirror
- Spontaneous gratitude practice

Social - 1/3 - 10m
- Texting friends

Looks - 1/3 - 2.5h
- Gym - deload week 3/3 complete

Relaxation - 1/3 - 2.5h
- 20m pre-sleep leisure
- Games break

Life Support - 2/3 - 7h
- Huge job focus
- Finishing laundry/cleanup

_________________

Day Review: 2022-12-30

Focused on finishing up some of the remaining job stuff, preparations for new year's and relaxation.
___
Business - 0/3
Dating - 1/3 - 10m
- 1x2 boost, messaging
Mindset - 1/3 - 4h
- Reading "Loving What Is"
- Journal/Mirror
- Working on reviews month/year
Social - 1/3 - 20m
- Texting friends
Looks - 1/3 - 30m
- Body measuring test
Relaxation - 1/3 - 6h
- Games/Movies
Life Support - 2/3 - 7h
- Great job focus
- Grocery haul/prep
 
Day Review: 2022-12-31

Today I:
- Went to gym just for fun. Did 1RM exercises: 120kg deadlift, 160kg rack pull - was fun and awesome to do it.
- Enjoyed my local gyros place
- Cleaned up my flat
- Went through all the journals I had/posted on forums - took about 4-5hours. Was great to remember all this year.
- Finished my huge year accomplishment list - 69 points in all areas of life combined (nice)
- Posted it in group and here. Will post on my blog and instagram later.
- Prepared dinner to celebrate this year
- Put on Andy's podcast at 0:00 and had the best New Year celebration ever.

Will record video review about my points tomorrow - had absolutely no time for it today. And it is ok - there is not rush.
Maybe I haven't done everything I planned.
But I did everything that matters - everything that matters is completely enough.

I am excited to finish my celebration in a couple of hours and wake up for the first time in that new year.

2023 will be kick-ass for all of us - we just aren't able to do otherwise.
Happy New Year folks!

Let's Fucking Go!
 
I didn't do a review for first 2 days of this year, and then I waited or the time to catch up on them and didn't post following.
So now is the time to stop making excuses, catch up, post other days and continue my practice

_____

Day Review: 2023-01-01
- I recorded first part of my Year's Review for YT
- I went outside to the fair nearby. I enjoyed environment and people around me. I enjoyed the sun and the light - it was an awesome day.
- I felt grateful for all I did and for the Belgrade to be that good for me
- I let go of any expectations, about productivity, exercise and diet and was doing what I wanted and focusing on it

_____

Day Review: 2023-01-02
- I met with An, spent about 7 hours with her, experiencing strong emotions and feelings. We got to sex part which was amazing, and then had some more time together just sharing our stories, views and being intimate. It was an amazing experience.
- I wasn't putting the pressure on myself and tried to enjoy every moment

_____

Day Review: 2023-01-03

- Recorded 2 parts of my Years Review
- Uploaded all ready parts and made thumbnail for videos
- Written my priorities/goals for the year. Still needs some tweaking tomorrow.
- Met with Ir. for sex and a big discussion about dating, kinks and our situation - that was awesome to practice being more direct about what I want (seeing once a week, being more honest, etc)

I spent a lot of time with my FWB (Ir.) today and had no sleep before the group call.
I'm going to sleep through my morning routine and gym tomorrow. Starting to get back slow, but still do something.

______

Day Review: 2023-01-04

I have to admit, I still was not able to successfully go back to working on myself properly. And I really feel bad about it.
_
Today all I did was to create thumbnails for my review videos and schedule them.

Also I went to the doctor and handled problem that worried me for the last 3 months
While returning I walked outside in the evening, listened to podcast. I feel better now - worries about my low-productivity almost gone, but I still trying to figure out how to push myself to do as much as I was doing before.
_
One of the probable causes - it is tied to my sleep and me waking up at 10am last days. Getting some rest is good, but it is absolutely unproductive to wake up that late.
Restarting polyphasic schedule tomorrow, gonna be up at 3:30 and seize that day.
_
After I had success in my dating three weeks ago - finally got laid - and then more and more - it has been hard to push myself to the productive state. All I want to do is to sleep, do some easy non-stressful things, watch stuff (helpful podcasts, but still just watching), play games and wait for the next time I see my FWBs. This happened every time I successfully got laid after a break - 4 times in the last year.

I am falling to "My sex life is handled, I don't need to do anything now" thinking.
I don't really want to do anything or progress at anything. I cannot even finish setting up goals of this year.
And honestly, I don't know how to counter this no-motivation state other than wait - until something triggers me and I would want something better in my life again.

_____

Day Review: 2023-01-05

Overall day went better than yesterday, and I had some progress and more peaceful moments.
_
Returned to polyphasic sleep and waking at 3:30 - first bit of my most important structure recovered.
It also gave me the opportunity to do my breakfast meditation again - and it started to set my mind up right. I tuned onto gym, writing and doing good things for myself again.
_
Done:
- Gym - finally returned there after all this holiday chaos. Slight progress.
- Written draft of the new article
- Recorded another part of my year's review, and improved sound there a bit. One more remains
- Finished drafting of my year's focus/goals. Will consult some more and set them up officially
- Talked with girls I see, and set up next week dates/meets. It's gonna be packed...
_
From the off side - still have distractions that consume me for hours, and some videogames as well. But I think it happens gradually less and less.
_
Also had about an hour where I was terrified while thinking about business next steps / outreach and when I will have more responsibility. It was shaking me up completely, I was doubting all my choices again.
But then I just went on to work on my year's plan and some distractions and it helped for now.
I wanna do some more deeper investigations of it later.
 
Day Review: 2023-01-06

I had a cool day with a lot of progress toward my main goal - Peace/Gratitude and some social stuff

---

(1) Progress - Peace/Gratitude
Was feeling a bit overwhelmed and anxious at the start - about my life in Serbia and should I try to move somewhere ASAP.

And then I went to have my morning meditation, stood on my balcony with a coffee and felt immense gratitude for Belgrade, comfortable climate here, quiet 5AM nights, awesome people I already met and girls that I see.
It may take a bit more work dating-wise and in language, but it is much easier to live here now and focus on biz and myself, and I have an awesome job that makes me rich by local standards.

I realised that I don't "have" to rush somewhere else - I can enjoy the present here, at least while I am in my late 20-s. If I stay in Belgrade for a couple of more years - it will still be amazing - I will make it work and be very happy. And then I will have my 30-s to kick ass with dating / travel / fun in some western county (and it is probably going to be Australia, heh).

I felt very much at peace, loving and grateful!
That is one big step of progress towards my main 2023 focus - and it makes me happy I had this moment.

---

(2) Progress - Honesty / Openness & Writing
I started writing a huge "Story Of My Life" article - emphasis on being honest and sharing my struggles and achievements.
Felt right to give myself credit and start this - I want it to have a lot of small details of my life, for everyone to see and for me to not forget them later.
I want to share as much as I possibly can, maybe even some stuff I did that is very painful for me to admit yet.

---
Highlights:

- Went to the gym today instead of weekend (there will be orthodox Christmas and everything is closed). Switched my leg routine (deadlifts, press) from 6-8 reps towards strength-focused 3-5 reps. It felt awesome to lift higher weights.
- Went to a social meetup, talked to guys there and had fun - getting a bit of experience with allowing myself to make jokes / being a bit sarcastic / have sexual annuendos - good progress.
- Read "Loving What Is" a bit more.
- Had a great coaching call
- AND... I'M BACK TO TRACKING MY PROGRESS AND KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS WITH MINDSET & BIZ

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Mindset - 3/3 - 3h
- Peace/Gratitude - Making myself feel it immensely (above - 1)
- Honesty/Openness - Writing article and sharing personal things (above - 2)
- Read "Loving What Is"
- Journal / Mirror
- Group posts messaging / reading

Business - 2/3 - 2.5h
- Recorded last part of Year's Reflections and uploaded on YT
- Writing article about me (above - 2)
- Great coaching call

Relaxation - 1/3 - 2h
- Walk to/from meetup
- Playing videogame

Looks - 2/3 - 3h
- Gym routine refactor
- Gym - lower body - weights up

Dating - 1/3 - 20m
- 3x2 Tinder boosts (morining, 1900, 2200) - some matches
- Messaging leads, setting up dates for next week with FWBs

Social - 2/3 - 3h
- CS Meetup - had a lot of fun talking with guys
- Texting friends/dates

Life Support - 0/3 - 2h
 
Day Review: 2023-01-07

There was no gym today, so I tried to focus fully on mindworks / relaxation and had a couple of good moments and progress.

---

(1) Relax/Mindfulness progress - Went outside for 3-hour walk to the park and had a small picnic there with my sandwiches and tea.
There were almost no people on the street, everything was closed and atmosphere was kinda depressing - Christmas in Serbia is strange, probably everyone was with their families with the exception of a few couples and old guys on the street.

But I got to my destination with my camera, shot a couple of photos and just tried to focus on overall experience - which turned out to be interesting. I didn't turn out my headphones and listened all the way to the sound of the environment, lazy city and some occasional passer-bys.

---

(2) Gratitude/Mindfulness progress - I started going on my balcony in the morning (5AM + 10AM), drinking a coffee and opening myself up to feel what happens around me - I live on a quite busy street in the center, so it is awesome to see a lot of action and then some moments of calm. There are also cool houses opposite of me, so it helps with feeling how beautiful it is here, how good weather is and how grateful I am for the opportunity to live (here and overall)

---

Mindset - 3/3 - 3.5h
- Morning meditation / gratitude practice (above - 2)
- Focused on being mindful and present on my walk today (above - 1)
- Reading "Loving What Is"
- Watching self-improvement podcasts
- Journal/Mirror

Business - 1/3 - 1.5h
- Continuing writing an article

Relaxation - 3/3 - 10h
- Went on a walk to the park and had a snack there (above - 1)
- Videogames
- Watched a movie

Looks - 2/3 - 3h
- 3h walk and being outside

Dating - 1/3 - 10m
- 2x2 Tinder boosts, messaging - no leads.

Social - 1/3 - 10m
- Texting/voicing with a friend

Life Support - 1/3 - 2h
- Cleaned up / declutter house a bit
 
Day Review: 2023-01-08

Chill day off
- Meditation breakfast / morning gratitude
- Went to a restaurant I wanted to for a while.
- Played games, read book and relaxed without any pressure
- Had me feeling frustrated and sad by some girl on Tinder. Did The Work on that - awesome!

---

(1) Mindwork / Peace / Gratitude progress - some girl on Tinder replied me how I didn't read her bio about not having hookups and was just spamming. I responded her fast with "I understand, have fun" - but I didn't believe that at the time. I felt frustrated, sad and angry at myself. I felt like I was wrong and pathetic.

Stories - "I disappointed her", "I need her to understand me" and "I need her to be kind to me".

Then I did The Work on them and turned them around - it was once again eye-opening...
She wrote to me - "she needed me to understand her" - and I did by doing these inquiries. And that's her business anyway.
And I needed to be in my own and understand and be kind to myself

I am so grateful to her for not unmatching me immediately and giving me the opportunity to do The Work on this. She turned my day from mediocre to "awesome progress" by doing it. I am truly happy she did that. Thank you so much, whoever she is!

---
(2) Gratitude evening
1. I'm grateful for that Tinder girl for the opportunity to do The Work
2. I'm grateful for being grateful
3. I'm grateful that Tinder exists
4. I'm grateful for The Work and Byron Katie
5. I'm grateful to Andy for showing me inquiries and for the pathway to this peace and gratitude
---

Mindset - 3/3 - 5.5h
- Did The Work on some encounter on Tinder (above - 1)
- Journal/Mirror
- Reading "Loving What Is"
- Gratitude morning/practice
- Gratitude evening (2)

Business - 0/3 - 0h

Relaxation - 2/3 - 10h
- Went to a restaurant I wanted and relaxed
- Walk outside
- Played videogame

Looks - 1/3 - 20m
- Walk outside

Dating - 1/3 - 30m
- Tinder 2x2 boosts (evening), texting, no leads

Social - 1/3 - 10m
- Texting friend / setting up meet

Life Support - 1/3 - 1.5h
- Had great food
 
Day Review: 2023-01-09

I did a lot of backlog tasks today.
I finally got to updating my forum profile, refactored it all to look good and convenient.
Filled half-way on my personal blog entries.
Focused good on work and caught up with some home-tasks.
And had a good chunk of progress with mindset and gratitude.

Now it's 2 hours till sleep and I feel a bit drained. But I am happy with how I made this day look like.

___

I stopped doing plans for the day - I can write something I want to remind myself to do, but that's it.
Only tracking what I do throughout the day and making end-day reviews - it helps with giving me credit and is pretty insightful.

I like this structure for now - I let go of "need" to do something.
I know that whatever I end up doing - that is something that I actually need.

___

Grounding - that's how I'm gonna call my new morning practice of going to balcony, feeling the world around me, being grateful and loving to it.
I let all of these feelings, emotions, thoughts and sensations run through me - it is very fitting.

___

Mindset - 3/3 - 7h
- Filled up my personal blog entries from my journal
- Fully updated my forum pages - 2022 goals/review, first post in my thread with all references
- Made a week review
- Watched podcasts
- Reading "Loving What Is"
- Journal / Grounding / Mirror

Business - 2/3 - 1h
- Writing article about dating

Relaxation - 1/3 - 3h
- Extended sleep - 1.5h
- Leisure

Looks - 0/3 - 0

Dating - 1/3 - 20m
- Boost, messaging matches

Social - 0/3 - 0

Life Support - 2/3 - 6h
- Good job focus / progress
- Laundry / Cleaning up
- Fixing up some docs / ordering stuff
 
Day Review: 2023-01-10

Chill day with a lot of distractions, but still some awesome breakthroughs.

---
(1) Friends progress - I met with T. We had a lunch shared our year goals and events.
It was fun, we built some rapport and cuddled afterwards.
Talked about Byron Katie's "4 questions" and gave her the template - I have a feeling it will help her a lot.
---
(2) Gratitude / Vulnerability progress - I also told her IN PERSON (!) how grateful I am for her being there, sharing her deep thoughts, trusting me and how awesome she are overall.
---
(3) Honesty / Opening up progress - At some point it got deeper, we got into our childhood stories. And I shared with her all the things I was in some way ashamed of. It was actually easy to laugh about - because it is childhood, I cannot really take it seriously anymore.

There are still things that I shared that I am reluctant to share on my blog - and don't think I will be able to -because some of them concern not only me.

But ultimately, only one thing remains that I never opened up about to anyone, and it is the biggest and scariest stuff that I am not sure I'm ready to admit yet. At least not to everyone.

I will try to talk with Andy about this last thing later, or maybe it is not the time yet.
---

Also, as I naturally feel attracted to her all he time, I want to come up with "20 things I'm grateful for her not being sexual with me". It doesn't hurt me to restrain myself a bit - there are just so much more I am getting out of it. But I believe it will allow me to appreciate her even more.

---

Mindset - 2/3 - 1h
- (!) #2-3 - Honesty/opening up/gratitude in convo with T
- Journal / Grounding / Mirror

Business - 2/3 - 1.5h
- (!) Wrote a good article about one of my core concepts - "Embrace Every Moment"

Relaxation - 1/3 - 1h
- Leisure

Looks - 2/3 - 3h
- Good gym progress

Dating - 1/3 - 10m
- Texting matches

Social - 3/3 - 5h
- (!) #1 - Meet / lunch / convo with T - sharing our stories and dreams, hanging out, cuddles

Life Support - 1/3 - 1.5h
- Some job focus
 
Day Review: 2023-01-11

Well, today I took a huge leap again and secured myself a year of progress, constant effort and practice of letting go in the middle of the overwhelming thoughts lmao

So, I started new 365 project… Uploading vids on Youtube - details here https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=49908#p49908
My excitement replaces with a lot of doubts that I want to process in the near days - good theme for a bunch of inquiries

I learned a lot about my setup and software, but I am completely exhausted now.

I cannot say anything other than - good luck to me lol. And to try to not overwhelm myself as much and keep present in all of this.
---

Mindset - 2/3 - 5.5h
- Journal / Grounding / Mirror
- Psychology session
- Group call involvement

Business - 3/3 - 5h
- Set up camera env, fiddled with sound and lights
- Recorded 1st vid of a new 365, and the follow-up buffer for tomorrow

Relaxation - 1/3 - 30m
- Leisure

Looks - 2/3 - 3h
- Gym progress

Dating - 0/3 - 0

Social - 0/3 - 0

Life Support - 1/3 - 2h
- Cooking / Low job focus
 
Day Review: 2023-01-12

And here it is again - overwhelming pressure. Oh, I missed it for a month... lol.

Starting a 365 in a new field pushed me to do a lot of research into everything related for all the time I can. It overwhelmed me yesterday and today, not leaving any time for myself at all.

If not for some self-awareness I already have, I would have started 3 different training areas (voice, research, quality) right here. At least I was able to stop, slow down, and approach it all sequentially.

It also brought up a bunch of stories, like "I am not doing a good job", "I have to improve fast", "I have to boost my quality", "I should know what to say", "I need to speak properly".

I want to expand on the mindset work - here are so many areas for inquiries now.
I'll try to make investigating it the main focus for the next few days (1st year-focus, remember!).

My minimum daily goal will be met anyway, and I want to believe that it is ok for me to not go above and beyond all the time.
I have a year ahead of me for this, I can have some bad quality at the start (and at any time) - I just need to fully convince myself about it haha.

It is funny how going in front of the camera, raw, and not hiding behind my photoshop edits brought up many fears I thought I already handled - No rest for the wicked heh.
It's gonna be awesome to work through it all though.
I am glad I started this project.
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Mindset - 1/3 - 2h
- Journal / Grounding / Mirror
- Gratitude to clients

Business - 3/3 - 6h
- 365p - Recorded video / updated podcast
- Doing a lot of research into recording / talking

Relaxation - 1/3 - 4h
- Extended sleep 3.5h
- Leisure

Looks - 0/3 - 0

Dating - 1/3 - 10m
- 1x2 boost (22h), messaging leads

Social - 1/3 - 10m
- Planning a weekend meet

Life Support - 1/3 - 5h
- Low job focus / meetings
- Cooked nice meals
 
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