Logs 2023 10/22 - 10/29
Overall this week-ish period was great.
Not many "actionable" actions.
But instead many events and steps forward - tattoo, new workout planning, organization of my environment, good work effort and a lot of gratitude and enjoyment.
I may worry that I don't "do" much - but it actually goes according to plan that I want. Maybe it is not a plan I had in mind in the last month, maybe it changed significantly. But these are overall good advances.
And me being grateful and joyful a lot is a proof to that.
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22.10
I love the start of this day - 7am sunlight, clear skies and awesome small breakfast
- Read reply from Andy and this made me so grateful and joyful! Love this day even more now and want to share it with everyone!
- Going to gym, first upper body workout after tattoo, excited for it! Done, finally without hoodie today
- So grateful for the opportunity to go out in this awesome sunny warm day, listen to podcast and feel great while working out
- Had an awesome hangout with a friend/partner
- Finished forum huge review post
- Set up energy / activity tracker app
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23.10
- A bit tired this morning, but did systems and gratitude and it helped me a bit. It was a beautiful morning actually.
- Got caught in the overthinking loop about my new tracking things, took a step back and stopped worrying about efficiency and went to do the NEXT action only
- Gym was great
- Got good haircut
- Cooked a tasty meal
- Great work pomodoro session
- Had amazing time with my friend / partner
"You give so much, I'm happy that you exist" - said something like that to me, and I need to remember it!
- Sleep at 12am - late but still good
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I missed my morning short meditations on the balcony - this time of day is truly unique and energy-packed. Pace ramps up, city wakes and everything gets its daily purpose
I can tap into it.
I can be a part of it.
And it is so enjoyable!
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24.10
Was surprisingly energetic from the morning, got a bit tired but overall nice day
- Morning systems, sunwatching, breakfast
- Gym was great
- Went to work in a cafe - missed it. And was good for productivity
- Serbian lessons
- Going through gym/workout planning, building new routine in preparation for bulk
- Great focus today - some probable dates didn't follow but I'm even happy for it and completely engrossed in current projects
- Sleep at 23h
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25.10
This is an another AMAZING day I can feel it!
The sun is showing at the perfect moment and exactly in the way to charge me!
- Did sunwatching, breakfast meditation, morning systems and letting go
- Going to the gym to have some deadlifts finally heheh. Crushed it today - Adjusted legs workout a bit and it was great
Workday was good, pomodoro works great
- Tried to go to krav maga alone. Couldn't because of so many overthinking and fears. But it is a first step
- Relaxed watching series for 2h. Just wanna lie down and watch some Stargate. Have some comfort, which is understandable, I had no time off last days, was very focused on work and research
- Then enjoyed watching helpful workout vids
- Created another day of new PPL workout to try tomorrow. It was a good end of day
- Sleep at 23h
Thoughts:
Holy shit it is terrifying.
I walked there. Alone. Right to the entrance. All the way there I had this huge weight in my body. It was hard to move, I was nauseous.l, I thought I'm gonna pass out...
But I made it there. I made it... And stood there... And couldn't go inside.
So many thoughts. But I couldn't beat them.
Went back to a cafe nearby to calm down at least a little bit and to write this.
My idea was to at least go in for a second and talk and say I'm terrified and not gonna train today - it seemed easier, but I was too terrified for this as well.
Enhanced by the fact I arrived only 2 minutes before and I knew everyone will be together already and I wouldn't be able to talk with a coach one on one for this... So everyone would hear how scared I am...
This was too much
I had it before when I was trying to hit on girls on streets - it feels like complete exhaustion coupled with extreme hunger and nausea.
I was always attributing it to my tiredness then - because usually I was walking for hours before it.
No. It's not exhaustion.
It's extreme terror - so strong that it shocks and constraints me and causes all these symptoms
If anything good came from it - it is my recognition of this fact
But solution is still the one and only - exposure therapy.
I will need to do that eventually for it to get easier.
For me to build my courage as well.
For today though - I did good.
I didn't immediately gave up on it... I at least did physical step - went to the doors. Even though I was terrified to even go out of the house with that end goal in mind.
I made a tiny step in the right direction
Some next time I'll be able to finally go inside by myself.
And at some point in the future to maybe even train with complete strangers...
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26.10
Cloudy outside, had no big charge from sun like in last days, but will manage
- Morning systems / gratitude/ brekkie / street watching charge
- Gym - updated pull workout with half of new exercises - was a blast! + 2/6 of new workout days created. Also - probably first time ever when I did 6 workouts (and great ones) on a row
- Work time, partly with pomodoro partly binge - got so irritated in the end and was stuck on non important problem
This is why pomodoro big breaks are important - to get a perspective and refocus
- Also did some laundry
- Watched a good movie I wanted for a long time
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I sometimes get caught in the loop. Over focused on what my life is, and what it is not now.
I forget one simple fact.
It is alright. And it is going to be alright. Always
I am grateful for all I can experience right now. For every person in my life. For every moment
Every moment is precious
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27.10 - Tattoo Day 2
- had a huge great breakfast
- street watching
- Tattoo is done and looks amazing!
Now some days of recovery
Watched a lot of series and videos
Sleep at 12
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28.10
No pressure today at all. Gotta be completely relaxed weekend
- Tattoo care and rest
- Wrote scripts for my Google spreadsheet to upload all data into Google Fit. 9 hours of effort lol. But now it's all nice, tidy, available and also reusable!
- Watched some Gym insightful vids
- Updated my life goals / events list a bit
- Period of reflection in the evening
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I cannot believe that I am living BY MYSELF for about two years at this point. And I like it so much!
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29.10
Yet another 2nd tattoo recovery day lol
- Good breakfast / streetwatching
- Wanted to update my forum logs today - didn't. Was too anxious about it for some reason. Will dig a bit into that anxiety tomorrow
- Went on a nice walk in the evening
- Played games and watched videos and series most of the day
- Evening mindfulness practice
- Sleep at about 23h
