• Welcome to the forums, Guest. Please note that you must make a post in the introduction thread and upload an avatar to gain full access to the forums.

Dim's Daily Progress Log

RussianSlimGuy said:
It is okay that I feel so pathetic, right? I'm not gonna quit. I'm gonna go there over and over again. I'm gonna learn how to talk with people and how to be interesting.

I won't quit, so I will learn how to be valuable eventually. That is all I can say to myself today - just jeep going, no matter what

Да-уш былы времена когда я был замкнутый и вес в себя. Сам себе заступил дорогу и никак не мог себя обойти! А бывалы времена когда чувствовал себя как каким-то легким гигантом. xaxa

Всякое бывает. И ты никогда не можешь предвидеть. Главное: вставать заново и тупо работать. Токо так ты увидишь что ты здатный на больше и что то, что люди думать о тебе, просто кратковременна перспектива, а не полноценное оценка тебя.

Trans:

Yeah there were times I felt closed in and all in myself. I was in my own way, and I couldn't overcome myself! And there were times were I felt like some easy-going giant. haha

A lot happens. And you can never tell ahead of time. The most important thing is to get up again and mindlessly work. Only that way will you see that you're capable of more and that, what people think of you, is just a short-term perspective, and not a definitive evaluation of who you are.
 
25.03 log

- went out on the street for 7 hours today. No approaches, but stayed out and tried until complete exhaustion
- read/listened to more content for cold approach motivation and techniques
- recorded vid
- adjusted diet to start eating again and regain energy tomorrow
- tinder/bumble as possible

Day was completely awful. I was eating about 1500 calories last 2 days, and absolutely crashed from combination of it and yesterday emotional pain. Nauseous for hours, on and off again...

Went out on the street anyway (with internal silent screaming), stayed out even though 3 times I got lightheaded and thought I would pass out. Pulled all I had together and kept going every time.

More determination in CA today in comparison to yesterday - was on the brink of approaching a couple of times (huge anxiety rushes) means I'm back on track to progress.

Akilles7 Will do exactly that, as much as I can.
I will figure out this stuff, no matter how much I have to fall and stand up again...
 
Checking in and reaching out D

I have tried messaging you on FB but got no response

How are you?

I have nothing to add. I just want to make sure you are OK.

If there is anything I can do, you know I am available for you, you can call me.

RussianSlimGuy
 
06.10 log

Main:
- The Bar/club lays project (called it BLEJA) Day 4.

Bars:
Went to bar, danced, eventually tried to talk with a girl who seemed receptive but I completely froze and couldn't say anything. Said I don't know what to say, she said the same and left lol.

Saw two girls hanging out in other bar, went in it directly to them, said how I really like they're having fun. But she turned out to be russian so I left

Both of them introduced themselves to me, with hand and all. Either they were attracted but I fucked it up, or they were just polite.
Anyway it was nice.
One step more in the right direction!

Next step - watch some vids to know at least some templates to fall back in that situation

Clubs:
New club Zappa for 2h - THAT PLACE HAS POTENTIAL!

Was "approached" by 2 girls to dance. Didn't make any serious moves, was too scared and just kept dancing with them for some time lol. Eventually they lost interest (obviously).

I wasn't attracted to both of them though, that got in the way too.

Takeaways:

1. I'm here to get laid. Attractiveness doesn't really play a role, I need to start with something.
2. Try making some moves, sexual dance and touches. I'll fuck it up at the start but that is okay
3. GET IN THERE with girls that I'm attracted to. Again, I'll fuck it up but just TRY.

---
Other actions:
- Good gym workout
- Krav Maga (martial) training
- Tested modafinil for the first time. Was energetic but cannot say anything yet
- Paid for PEDs (was complicated lol) and awaiting delivery

---
PS: I was so terrified to post here again after such a long break. Like I need to explain and describe everything that's happened in this time (which was a lot)

This stopped me from posting for weeks...

So fuck it, here is the first step in returning to logs and it doesn't have to be big. And eventually with momentum I will get to filling up my log.
(And cleaning from my profile/goals all these outdated projects of mine heh)
 
MakingAComeback said:
FUCK YES!

Was good meeting you in Budapest

Ravi

Likewise!

Many priorities changed from the end of coaching, but I'm ready for another sprint forward.

Budapest and meeting with you there in particular was the tipping point.
Really appreciate that!
 
07.10 log

Main: BLEJA,
- Bar stage: success

Warmup + 2 convos in total (if I can call it that, I mostly had no idea what to say and be interesting)

Though at the end was surrounded by 3 making out pairs and everyone was like 30cm higher than me, it was discouraging but also hilarious
Got contact of one girl I liked but again - this is bars - not much hope

- Club stage, not good:

Showed up in student club again
Tried so hard, but ended up escaping into dance again and avoided making any moves.
Realize that I have no clue what to do and how other people do what they do.

Started to have huge doubts about my attempts and of my overall attractiveness and worth. Maybe even start to slowly hate local social things heheh.
Makes me wonder if I can actually be successful in nightlife scene here. But that is what I need to think about after day 30 or so

For now - RELENTLESS GRIND

---
Other actions:
- Great gym session
- Was out approaching/staying out for 3h, couldn't do any. Was so tired but stayed
- Face care routine, morning recovery rituals, etc.

Also, doing all of this on a calorie deficit probably wasn't the brightest idea. Hope I'll have enough in store to last until end of the cut

---
Thoughts:

I have so many insecurities.
Like looking directly in her eyes if some beautiful girl with sunglasses passes me on the street.
I have no clue why...
I guess to show I'm "cool" or something and that I'm not intimidated by her (or rather try to hide it)

Instead of you know, actually going in front of her and saying the fucking truth - Hey, I love your style and think you look stunning.
I don't think I deserve to do that, and maybe I'm not... But I shouldn't decide that, and rather talk and let her say how she sees me

Or caught myself terrified to even look in a directon of some random jacked highschooler standing with his friend group lol. So damn insecure that I don't look that muscular and attractive.

Everything inside me screams that I have to be the most attractive person and the center of attention to have any success...

But the success only comes to ones who shoot their shot

In the last weeks I saw many guys in clubs and bars doing what I want - making out with girls, dirty dancing and leaving together... Guys who don't even move much and just start talking.

While I am dancing my body out to "show" everyone that I deserve to be seen (and fucked) without any results but exhaustion

-
I am also terrified of people seeing me as a fuckboy... While I am trying to become one...

How can I become someone that I cannot internalize?
And why am I afraid?
Thinking that everyone in that bar will judge me if I talk with 2 different girls
That no one will ever be interested in me again there, consider me a creep and avoid
Is that true?

1 - it is definitely not true on both points.
2 - even if it is there are many solutions that will get me back on track (finding new place, going at different time or even waiting a bit until they forget)
3 - It is not even a bad thing. IT IS WHAT I FUCKING WANT
It is my identity that I'm trying so hard to achieve.
It is fucking polarizing, yeah. AND IT IS GOOD
Most people will hate it, but some will love it.
And more importantly - I will be FINALLY true to myself.
 
Log 08.10

- Recovering after nighttime effort of last days
- Great gym workout
- Was physically exhausted but went on to meet an acquaintance - which turned into an amazing date with very important changes to my mindset

Firstly, I once again saw that there are people who would want to help and support me

Secondly, she showed me that someone can be greatly interested even in current version of me. It was SO obvious that I cannot deny it now

And also it finally got me to think why I don't want to accept help from people and think that I don't deserve it

---
For the context - I started posting Instagram stories with my dating/mental struggles and thoughts some months ago. It gave me an outlet to vent overwhelming emotions and also the place to possibly be seen.

This girl from one of the meetups was often supporting me and after my latest vids where I was talking of my bar/club/ONS effort asked me for a coffee to give some advice and share her perspective.

So here's my reflection on it I wrote after the date:

-
I just had one of the most amazing experiences in my dating life

The girl I met some time ago and who I thought was entirely uninterested in me in this way

Saw me talking about my current nightlife and ONS focus and struggles. So we went to meet and talk about our dating experiences

Firstly - that was so awesome that she wanted to support me. I am so grateful to her and this world that such people exist :)

I still cannot fully believe that someone would want to help me with this especially. I myself cannot fully internalize the person I want to be without a bunch of shame... So it was very important to openly talk and admit my desires in life

But that's not all
At some point she mentions that considers me attractive... I didn't expect that at all.
Again, this is the girl who I haven't talked much before. I haven't built the connection. I didn't make any move on her. Hell, I haven't ever even gave a sign I liked her...

I didn't steer and change the attraction in any way.
I didn't "manipulate" the situation to show me in the good light or something
I was just there. Existing.

And she still considered me attractive...
Mind-blowing

This is what I wanted to have for such a long time. This was the reason I started going on all of these meetups and just staying out.
The opportunity for someone to like me, and show it to me first.

This is damn life-changing

I can be attractive to someone just being myself
I can be seen
I am enough

So we went on having an awesome date, and I'm still so elated from it
I felt it so much
And I still feel it

This likely won't remove the myriad of my fears
But it will counter-balance all of them

It happened once
It is possible
And I can make it happen again - don't have to, but I can if I want to

And in many other ways as well
If I don't even have to focus that hard, and just show up and have someone interested in me...
I imagine what I could do if I actually focus on it 100%

And not from the point of "I have to be try hard to have success"
But just with the "I'm okay" attitude
Life. Changing.

Also another important reflective moment:

I finally caught it - one of the biggest contradictions of my dating life

At some moment I was thinking - what if she does this just to make me feel better?
While thinking just the minutes prior - why would someone I don't know well try to help me?

I learned to trust people when they hurt me in some way - that they are doing the best they can and I can take it.
But I'm not trusting them when they do something good? That they "have" to do it?

That's my fucking arrogance!
I'm not that damn important!

People want to do good things for me, not because they have to...
But because they like me enough

They want to help me because they like me enough to see me succeed
They want to date me because they like how they feel with me

It's that simple
There's no ulterior motive
Thy arent making a mistake or hurting themselves by being with me in any way

They actually want it
It actually makes their life better

So let's let go of my arrogance
And trust on them doing what's best for them
 
Review of last days
09.10
- A lot of sleep / slow relaxed start
- Inbody test. About 62kgs/11%bf.
- Slowly ending my cut. Switching closer to maintenance 2000 cal
- Watching dating / convos guides / approach motivation

10.10
- Crashed for the whole day today
- Decided not to go to the gym cause of stomach pains (which was a good decision actually)
- But without activity to prop me up I just lie at home mindlessly switching between random things and distractions
- Diet was very hard to keep up - made it work tho
- One day only so not a huge deal yet. But mentally strains me and my approach to newfound action. Will try to focus into something useful or at least not to punish myself for it
- Went out for half hour in the evening

11.10
- After waking still tired but better. Morning systems to boost a bit.
- Gym was awesome, ramped up
- Not much effort, but did some small tasks and feel good

12.10
- Tired at morning, starting systems
- Good workout. Supposed to be rest day in gym, but went anyway instead of tomorrow. It makes much more sense to have it today than tomorrow at the start of new BLEJA sprint. In that way I'll give 1.5 days of rest before it.
- I'm still below maintenance and I feel it. Even if mentally I'm fired up to go, excessive physical effort will exhaust me too soon. Need to be careful
- Experimenting with food cycles/scheduling.
I'm always hungry after gym and eat a lot, just to be hungry 2 hrs later... Maybe I don't need to eat much volume and sandwich + apple + coffee will suffice until late afternoon. Very interesting to test responses of my body

-
Plans:
Not sure if I'm able to do full nighttime effort this weekend. Feel a bit burned out about it. Thought of staying up half of night again seems repulsive lol.
Gonna aim for very minimum, staying at some bar for 30min-hour and trying to talk with some girl
 
13.10

- Wrote last reports on forums
- Went on to see a friend/fwb
- Went to a meetup
- Read book and focusing myself on next steps
- Went to bar hangout with meetup girls crew, practiced talking (not much but had a bit of success)
- Almost went with them to club to continue my efforts, but we arrived too late and I took the excuse to skip today and go home

__
Thoughts:
Pretty close to burning out on BLEJA efforts.

All these bars and clubs draw so much energy from me that it is hard to even think about commiting one more night to it...

Maybe that's how I will approach this - small sprints of enormous effort until fatigue builds in and then switching to focus on more enjoyable and rewarding parts of life.

I have my trainings, enhancement preps, diet, tattoos and generic social stuff.
I'm certainly back with action and small steps every day, but where exactly I will put the main effort may change

__
As much as I wanted to say I don't care about lack of results - I think this time (and many others) it is what brought me down

Somewhere inside I believe that here in Serbia, for ME it is impossible to get someone by nightlife. At least ONS - mass approaching and taking contacts probably could work but it's not what this focus was about

So why "waste" so much energy on something so "impossible"? And now I hate local nightlife because of this lol

__
Have to say though that this time (last few weeks) I made actual progress - I was talking to girls there, in a possibly creepy awkward way but still. I got some interest even

So definitely a huge step forward
 
14.10

Overall - awesome day!
So much effort!
Im glad that I did it all today
_
Planned: gym, diet review & planning,
looking good and going OUT of the gouse for a couple of hours,
going to a bar in the evening for half an hour

! Moda on

Actions:
_
Out for 2 hours:
= Reflections and 1 approach

Stood on one place on of the main roads for 40min, looking at people and thinking of approaching. Was very anxious from it, felt like I'm being complete weirdo. But nothing bad happened and I calmed down a bit eventually.

Handled many thoughts and reflections while being there.
Switched to a main square and did the same

All internal talking at the end allowed me to go and approach one girl
Was totally weak but it doesn't matter!

__
BLEJA Day # 6
Results
= 2h of bar scene + 2h of club scene
Internal conversations, thoughts and mental attempts. Dancing by myself. Attempts at eye contact. Observations of success of other people.
Renewed connection with possible wingman (or at least person to share reflections and experience)
_
Bar stage

Went to Zaokret bar, it was pretty cool today actually.
But escaped into music again. Fucking love it and having so much fun while I'm dancing.

When it ended tho... feel only emptiness.

Even though I couldn't do it I thought of approaching some girl groups at least

A tiniest bit of exposure therapy
_
Club stage:

Didn't plan to go today... but:
After bar randomly met an acquaintance ex PUA who is now into finding hookups too!
Propped me to go to club again and it turned out pretty good

Went to KST again.
This place has potential, but with my blocks of getting into groups, making moves and touching girls feels a bit too advanced for me

Overall was good day
I made more effort than I planned and that is a step in the right direction

Had some pointers and observations.

IT IS POSSIBLE
And I will figure it out
__
Other actions:
- Sequential thinking - dialing down day actions to only immediate actions
- Morning systems and a bit of food meditation
- Reflection and gratitude about yesterday
- Gym done, great and also positively enjoyable workout
- Diet - going on (assumed) maintenance 2200 cal. 3 weeks before cycle to figure out exactly what is current maintenance is and calc surplus
So excited for this!

___
Thoughts:

I'm so obsessed with being "decent" when approaching a girl. I cannot fathom the idea that I will be seen as a loser or socially inept person.

News flash - I AM THAT. For now

I may not get results while I start approaching from creepy weak side wave, or starting with "excuse me"... It kills all tension and makes me unattractive and weird.
(probably all this are bullshit beliefs but that is another story)

I may feel like a lamest man ever living. I may feel like a total simp.

SO FUCKING WHAT

I may be rejected. I may be humiliated. My self image may be severely hurt...

But I still went in and talked with her!
I gave myself permission to suck!
And practiced my life-changing habit!

THIS is all that matters
That I was SEEN by a CUTE GIRL.
That I did one more STEP towards MY ELITE LIFE.

Don't even think about technique until I'll do consistent 5+ daily approaches for a month!

Fuck the quality!
GO OUT AND DO HALF-ASSED APPROACHES
I give you permission for it!

___
Bars - need a compilation of resources / my texts to prop me up at the start when I cannot go IN

Go into Questions & solutions:

Why am I afraid of going in the same place (ljubimac)?
Why am I afraid of going in some new place (zaokret / zg etc...)
If girl in group temporary leaves why I think it's weird to approach remaining?

Idea - find / go to places near kc grad too

Research - where is the primary place for single girls to go
-- Why do I need single girls??

Make list of promising bars
When in doubt pick one and go explore for the night
 
15.10
! Moda on

- Slept for 5.5h, tired after yesterday obviously, coffee & hot shower to prop me up
- Good brekkie, a bit of gratitude and mindfulness
- Gym AMAZING. Listening to podcast and feeling good
- Compiled a list of my current projects
- Met and talked with a friend for 2 hrs
- Went to a cafe and written a huge chunk of progress review for the forum
- Got drafts of my future tattoo design and adjusted it a bit to my taste

___
16.10
- Morning prep
- Did high quality current body progress photos
- Beginning of my shoulder tattoo - finalized design & started

3 hrs of prep and 4 hrs of tattoing - and the first part was done
Needs a lot of care for the next 2 days. And no gym for the near days too...
But it is worth it! Looks amazing!
(ref for history)

___
17.10
Lazy tattoo recovery day
Sleep, work, playing games, watching videos
- Short food-meditation
- Reading a book

___
18.10
2nd day of tattoo recovery - no outside walks & gym
- Extended sleep
- Little experiment with food scheduling time and calorie wise
- Returned to using pomodoro timer for work productivity
- Met with a girl and had a fun time
- Watching training vids for bulk prep
- Sleep at 23h

___
19.10
- 3rd day tattoo recovery
- Went to the gym and did half-leg day. Skipped some exercises which would require using my arm/shoulder, and was fully covered in hoodie for protection - lol that was fun
- continue meal scheduling tweaks
- cleaning up flat a bit
- pomodoro for work time with small rewards in breaks (tiny chunk of chocolate) and throughout (coffee/vape) - works miracles

___
20.10
Skip gym today as it is still better to wait using arm. Tiny snack and going for a walk instead
- Relaxed walk 4km listening to podcast
- Good breakfast + meditation
- Pomodoro worktime
- Finally received Phenibut package! Will test for social when next opportunity comes!
- Researched PEDs and adjusted my future schedule
- Almost finished my review for the forums, one topic remains
- Phenibut on, 400g at 6pm. May be late for the full effect but will see on today's meetup & after
- Went to meetup, didn't talk much with people. But enjoyed the crowd and wrote an important gratitude that I wanted to for a long time
I think I noticed some changes from phenibut, but I wasn't very social so didn't use the whole potential. Need to test again in a different environment
- Sleep at 23h

Thoughts:
Fuck I'm so excited for my current self and my projects!
While I still struggle sometimes (as all of us do from time to time) I learned to enjoy it no matter what happens.
I am so grateful for everything in my life!
And for everyone who is with me on this journey!
Thank you all so much!
And most of all I'm grateful for the opportunity to improve and make my life as kickass as it can be!
Let's Fucking Go!

___
21.10
Saturday, but didn't do any social stuff today - tattoo/gym recovery is still important, want to get more sleep.
And overall I did a huge mental step to accepting my version from start of this year - which I will consider as good progress.

- Waking at 6:30
- Good breakfast focus, gratitude, meditation
- Gym session done. In hoodie again, it was warm and I sweat a lot lol. But went through whole planned session and it was awesome. 2nd lower body workout in a row to give arm a day more of rest. Tomorrow will return to upper training.
- Watched me and Andy after-coaching interview!
I finally was ready to accept myself there after 7 months! Had some awesome important reflections from it too
- Fixed my website. Finally
- Stayed at home and relaxed.
- Out to sleep about 11pm

Thoughts:
_
Damn rewatching that interview was sooo insightful
I forgot some important switches I made at that time.
I was over controlling every aspect of my life - and I worked hard at accepting whatever comes and being relaxed.

Which is exactly what I did for the last 6 months.
I didn't do it as aimlessly as before, but I also did not have any pressure to perform any actions - at least I internally knew that I'll find what works.

Now I am swinging to the other direction - taking more and more control of my life.
I think that being that relaxed as I was won't get me any results - and there may be truth to that, probably it is not exactly working and I would want to adjust it.
So I'm switching to this productive planned state again - but this time I also have some improvements up my sleeve.

I had thoughts of starting my polysleep schedule again "just to be strict and efficient" - and I could calmly see that now it's not needed. And instead make some adjustments to get both benefits that would be good to my current life.

I had some "big" new projects that I started (ex. BLEJA) and while I'm pouring a lot of effort into it I may take a step back and see where is my focus better served instead of just blindly banging my head against the wall repeating same actions.

I had started forum "daily reports" again, and also adjust it depending of how it actually useful to me.
Like instead of doing that on forums I write them on my blog page first - because I want more of my raw thoughts instead of more refined posts

And on top of that even in current productive and focused state I am still feeling a lot of gratitude and enjoyment to life.
I love doing all of what I'm doing.

I do the same with dating too.
Last period I was focusing on relationship skills like connection, time together and trust.
Now I want to go all in into figuring out hookups, sex, sexual appeal and boosting attractiveness.
Very important areas, but opposites!

I am swinging back and forth between extremes.
But with each swing while focusing on the "new" thing, I retain something that I learned in previous stage.
Every time I'm closing a bit more on having this perfect equilibrium that would be the most sustainable and beneficial
And this process here to show me that.
I am making TONS of progress.
 
Logs 2023 10/22 - 10/29

Overall this week-ish period was great.
Not many "actionable" actions.
But instead many events and steps forward - tattoo, new workout planning, organization of my environment, good work effort and a lot of gratitude and enjoyment.

I may worry that I don't "do" much - but it actually goes according to plan that I want. Maybe it is not a plan I had in mind in the last month, maybe it changed significantly. But these are overall good advances.

And me being grateful and joyful a lot is a proof to that.

---
22.10
I love the start of this day - 7am sunlight, clear skies and awesome small breakfast

- Read reply from Andy and this made me so grateful and joyful! Love this day even more now and want to share it with everyone!
- Going to gym, first upper body workout after tattoo, excited for it! Done, finally without hoodie today :D
- So grateful for the opportunity to go out in this awesome sunny warm day, listen to podcast and feel great while working out
- Had an awesome hangout with a friend/partner
- Finished forum huge review post
- Set up energy / activity tracker app

---
23.10

- A bit tired this morning, but did systems and gratitude and it helped me a bit. It was a beautiful morning actually.
- Got caught in the overthinking loop about my new tracking things, took a step back and stopped worrying about efficiency and went to do the NEXT action only
- Gym was great
- Got good haircut
- Cooked a tasty meal
- Great work pomodoro session
- Had amazing time with my friend / partner
"You give so much, I'm happy that you exist" - said something like that to me, and I need to remember it!
- Sleep at 12am - late but still good

--
I missed my morning short meditations on the balcony - this time of day is truly unique and energy-packed. Pace ramps up, city wakes and everything gets its daily purpose
I can tap into it.
I can be a part of it.
And it is so enjoyable!

---
24.10
Was surprisingly energetic from the morning, got a bit tired but overall nice day
- Morning systems, sunwatching, breakfast
- Gym was great
- Went to work in a cafe - missed it. And was good for productivity
- Serbian lessons
- Going through gym/workout planning, building new routine in preparation for bulk
- Great focus today - some probable dates didn't follow but I'm even happy for it and completely engrossed in current projects
- Sleep at 23h

---
25.10
This is an another AMAZING day I can feel it!
The sun is showing at the perfect moment and exactly in the way to charge me!
- Did sunwatching, breakfast meditation, morning systems and letting go
- Going to the gym to have some deadlifts finally heheh. Crushed it today - Adjusted legs workout a bit and it was great
Workday was good, pomodoro works great
- Tried to go to krav maga alone. Couldn't because of so many overthinking and fears. But it is a first step
- Relaxed watching series for 2h. Just wanna lie down and watch some Stargate. Have some comfort, which is understandable, I had no time off last days, was very focused on work and research
- Then enjoyed watching helpful workout vids
- Created another day of new PPL workout to try tomorrow. It was a good end of day
- Sleep at 23h

Thoughts:
Holy shit it is terrifying.
I walked there. Alone. Right to the entrance. All the way there I had this huge weight in my body. It was hard to move, I was nauseous.l, I thought I'm gonna pass out...
But I made it there. I made it... And stood there... And couldn't go inside.
So many thoughts. But I couldn't beat them.

Went back to a cafe nearby to calm down at least a little bit and to write this.
My idea was to at least go in for a second and talk and say I'm terrified and not gonna train today - it seemed easier, but I was too terrified for this as well.
Enhanced by the fact I arrived only 2 minutes before and I knew everyone will be together already and I wouldn't be able to talk with a coach one on one for this... So everyone would hear how scared I am...
This was too much

I had it before when I was trying to hit on girls on streets - it feels like complete exhaustion coupled with extreme hunger and nausea.
I was always attributing it to my tiredness then - because usually I was walking for hours before it.

No. It's not exhaustion.
It's extreme terror - so strong that it shocks and constraints me and causes all these symptoms
If anything good came from it - it is my recognition of this fact

But solution is still the one and only - exposure therapy.
I will need to do that eventually for it to get easier.
For me to build my courage as well.

For today though - I did good.
I didn't immediately gave up on it... I at least did physical step - went to the doors. Even though I was terrified to even go out of the house with that end goal in mind.
I made a tiny step in the right direction
Some next time I'll be able to finally go inside by myself.
And at some point in the future to maybe even train with complete strangers...

---
26.10
Cloudy outside, had no big charge from sun like in last days, but will manage
- Morning systems / gratitude/ brekkie / street watching charge
- Gym - updated pull workout with half of new exercises - was a blast! + 2/6 of new workout days created. Also - probably first time ever when I did 6 workouts (and great ones) on a row
- Work time, partly with pomodoro partly binge - got so irritated in the end and was stuck on non important problem
This is why pomodoro big breaks are important - to get a perspective and refocus
- Also did some laundry
- Watched a good movie I wanted for a long time

--
I sometimes get caught in the loop. Over focused on what my life is, and what it is not now.
I forget one simple fact.
It is alright. And it is going to be alright. Always

I am grateful for all I can experience right now. For every person in my life. For every moment
Every moment is precious

---
27.10 - Tattoo Day 2
- had a huge great breakfast
- street watching
- Tattoo is done and looks amazing!
Now some days of recovery
Watched a lot of series and videos
Sleep at 12

---
28.10
No pressure today at all. Gotta be completely relaxed weekend
- Tattoo care and rest
- Wrote scripts for my Google spreadsheet to upload all data into Google Fit. 9 hours of effort lol. But now it's all nice, tidy, available and also reusable!
- Watched some Gym insightful vids
- Updated my life goals / events list a bit
- Period of reflection in the evening

--
I cannot believe that I am living BY MYSELF for about two years at this point. And I like it so much!

---
29.10
Yet another 2nd tattoo recovery day lol
- Good breakfast / streetwatching
- Wanted to update my forum logs today - didn't. Was too anxious about it for some reason. Will dig a bit into that anxiety tomorrow
- Went on a nice walk in the evening
- Played games and watched videos and series most of the day
- Evening mindfulness practice
- Sleep at about 23h
 
Back
Top