Drail
Member
- Joined
- May 24, 2021
Keen to hear if anyone has any similar experiences / advice for this one. I'll try and keep it short but I need to cover the background info.
I had pretty much normal function up until I lost my virginity (meaning making out with girls would always get me instantly hard no matter what). I think the experience broke something mentally in me and I've had ED ever since. This was 5 years ago with a girl I wasn't really interested in but she kept pursuing me and eventually I gave in and tried having sex with her. I really didn't like the whole situation because she was cheating on her existing boyfriend among other things. I had ED so it didn't work. I tried almost daily with her for 3 whole months until finally I was able to have something resembling sex. My sex drive was fully broken at that time, I couldn't get it up at all even for porn which really frustrated me. I practically went from normal function to a dead dick overnight (however I'd still get rock hard morning wood so I knew it had to be something mental). My self esteem regarding women was rock bottom so when she finally broke up with the guy she was cheating on I ended up staying in a relationship with her for 4 years until we broke up earlier this year. Over that time I was able to have regular sex but it was never enjoyable because the ED never really went away. I was always doing things to try and prevent going flaccid and so I could never actually enjoy sex. We had an open relationship at times and I was able to get two other girls into bed with me. First girl I did manage to have sex but it required a lot of forceful effort from both of us and as soon as I put a condom on it would last for a few pumps before it was gone and we'd rinse and repeat. I went through pretty much an entire box with her. Rushing it in for a few pumps was not fun for either of us. The next girl I saw a couple times but I just couldn't get it to work at all so I just gave her oral. She got me off flaccid which was weird and not really enjoyable. Since leaving the relationship I've been able to have sex with 5 more girls off the apps, so I'm not 100% broken, but it requires a lot of patience and pills, and even then it's not really enjoyable for me.
I think losing my virginity like that just destroyed my mental image of sex. It's always spoken about as this wonderful experience that every guy is always dying to have more of even if they're already getting heaps, but for me I just associate it with feelings of frustration and inferiority. I have a lot of jealousy of people who enjoy sex. I have a lot of resentment for my ex (even though I know its not fully her fault). I feel the only reason I do anything sexual in the first place is because a) I want to beat ED because I'd really loathe to present it to my future wife and b) because if I stopped trying to have sex now I'd look back and regret it in the future, the way I regret not trying when I was younger now. That's compounded by the fact that I know your dick stops working as well with age anyway so I have a fear of missing out. But even at my age I worry I may have missed the boat when it comes to mind blowing sex. Those are the main things that bring me to this community.
Since I've had the issue so long that I've basically tried everything. I've been through everything on Andy's guide here. First thing I did was cut the porn cold turkey for 6+ months. This wasn't hard because my libido was so dead I didn't have any desire to watch aside from just to check if I could get hard. I tried a bunch of stuff outside of my dick with the girls. I'm honest with every girl about my issues and how I'm feeling. The stuff around kinks/fantasies doesn't work for me because my libido is so low I don't have any. I fixed up my diet, hit the gym, cut out the alcohol, none of it really helps.
Since the start of this year I started down the medical route. I got pills from my doctor. They were definitely worth it, I wouldn't have had the first two lays since the breakup without them, but it's still hit and miss and I hate the side effects. I went to a men's health clinic, got a penile doppler ultrasound which came back saying they couldn't find anything wrong. The doctor suggested a cavernosogram (they inject your dick with something radioactive to try and image the veins) but I decided against it because it's invasive, there's risks involved, and there's a chance of false positives and negatives. I still sometimes wake up with morning wood if I sleep well, and I have a handful of experiences I can remember here and there where my dick just worked, so I'm thinking its a psychological issue and now I've started to speak to a counselor about it, but I've just had one session. I'm hoping the counselor combined with option #15 from Andy's list will start to make a lasting impact.
Can anyone weigh in on this?
I had pretty much normal function up until I lost my virginity (meaning making out with girls would always get me instantly hard no matter what). I think the experience broke something mentally in me and I've had ED ever since. This was 5 years ago with a girl I wasn't really interested in but she kept pursuing me and eventually I gave in and tried having sex with her. I really didn't like the whole situation because she was cheating on her existing boyfriend among other things. I had ED so it didn't work. I tried almost daily with her for 3 whole months until finally I was able to have something resembling sex. My sex drive was fully broken at that time, I couldn't get it up at all even for porn which really frustrated me. I practically went from normal function to a dead dick overnight (however I'd still get rock hard morning wood so I knew it had to be something mental). My self esteem regarding women was rock bottom so when she finally broke up with the guy she was cheating on I ended up staying in a relationship with her for 4 years until we broke up earlier this year. Over that time I was able to have regular sex but it was never enjoyable because the ED never really went away. I was always doing things to try and prevent going flaccid and so I could never actually enjoy sex. We had an open relationship at times and I was able to get two other girls into bed with me. First girl I did manage to have sex but it required a lot of forceful effort from both of us and as soon as I put a condom on it would last for a few pumps before it was gone and we'd rinse and repeat. I went through pretty much an entire box with her. Rushing it in for a few pumps was not fun for either of us. The next girl I saw a couple times but I just couldn't get it to work at all so I just gave her oral. She got me off flaccid which was weird and not really enjoyable. Since leaving the relationship I've been able to have sex with 5 more girls off the apps, so I'm not 100% broken, but it requires a lot of patience and pills, and even then it's not really enjoyable for me.
I think losing my virginity like that just destroyed my mental image of sex. It's always spoken about as this wonderful experience that every guy is always dying to have more of even if they're already getting heaps, but for me I just associate it with feelings of frustration and inferiority. I have a lot of jealousy of people who enjoy sex. I have a lot of resentment for my ex (even though I know its not fully her fault). I feel the only reason I do anything sexual in the first place is because a) I want to beat ED because I'd really loathe to present it to my future wife and b) because if I stopped trying to have sex now I'd look back and regret it in the future, the way I regret not trying when I was younger now. That's compounded by the fact that I know your dick stops working as well with age anyway so I have a fear of missing out. But even at my age I worry I may have missed the boat when it comes to mind blowing sex. Those are the main things that bring me to this community.
Since I've had the issue so long that I've basically tried everything. I've been through everything on Andy's guide here. First thing I did was cut the porn cold turkey for 6+ months. This wasn't hard because my libido was so dead I didn't have any desire to watch aside from just to check if I could get hard. I tried a bunch of stuff outside of my dick with the girls. I'm honest with every girl about my issues and how I'm feeling. The stuff around kinks/fantasies doesn't work for me because my libido is so low I don't have any. I fixed up my diet, hit the gym, cut out the alcohol, none of it really helps.
Since the start of this year I started down the medical route. I got pills from my doctor. They were definitely worth it, I wouldn't have had the first two lays since the breakup without them, but it's still hit and miss and I hate the side effects. I went to a men's health clinic, got a penile doppler ultrasound which came back saying they couldn't find anything wrong. The doctor suggested a cavernosogram (they inject your dick with something radioactive to try and image the veins) but I decided against it because it's invasive, there's risks involved, and there's a chance of false positives and negatives. I still sometimes wake up with morning wood if I sleep well, and I have a handful of experiences I can remember here and there where my dick just worked, so I'm thinking its a psychological issue and now I've started to speak to a counselor about it, but I've just had one session. I'm hoping the counselor combined with option #15 from Andy's list will start to make a lasting impact.
Can anyone weigh in on this?