First Ever Day of Cold Approaching: A Failure?

[whiteknite321]

Hey guys,

Today was my first ever attempt at cold approaching and the grand total of approaches is a whopping zero. I walked for about 40 minutes to a park and wandered around for a little bit before coming back. It was unseasonably warm today and I felt pretty good because of it and wanted to jumpstart my approaching (I was originally going to start at a nearby university tomorrow afternoon, but that's still on the itinerary.)

But I pussied out on all the girls I walked past. In my defense, I counted only 4 girls during the whole trip who were young and attractive enough that I'd approach normally, (and my standards really aren't that high, just a lot of 40+ year olds here.) Still, I had opportunities and missed them.

Like I said, I'm going to a nearby college campus tomorrow afternoon where the pool of girls will be much better and much younger. I'll keep you updated on that tomorrow.

 

[MakingAComeback]

Welcome!

This is called being out on the front lines, and we really see this as a success.

From our experience as a community, this is essential work that must be done for the male to break through into approaching.

Good to have you here.

Work hard, you will be successful.

MAC

 

[whiteknite321]

Welcome!

This is called being out on the front lines, and we really see this as a success.

From our experience as a community, this is essential work that must be done for the male to break through into approaching.

Good to have you here.

Work hard, you will be successful.

MAC

Preciate it brother!

 

[Radical]

Its only a failure if this attempt is the end of you trying to cold approach

If its a first attempt to be built upon tomorrow, and the next day, and the next few weeks until you are an approaching machine then this was a necessary first step

 

[loki]

I've always had nearly 0 approach anxiety from the girls themselves; my only approach anxiety comes from bystanders or previous girls seeing me.

I also finished like 12 days of goodlookingloser's approach anxiety program before I started approaching.

I'm saying this to put into context how difficult it was for me to make the first approach of a session despite these advantages.

• The very first time I tried to approach, I biked around for two hours until I found a girl who was totally by herself, no bystanders. She freaked out and ran away. (I then did another approach; it's 10x easier to make subsequent approaches)
• For two weeks after that, I weaseled myself out of having an explicit approach session and tried approaching girls "naturally" while I was doing other stuff. 0 results.
• Eventually I decided I need an explicit approaching session. Went downtown, saw nonstop hot girls. Forebrain was like, go approach. Hindbrain and body were like, nah. I started tilting and kept getting more and more frustrated. Like 2-3 hours later I turned the corner and saw a girl and instantly reacted without time to hesitate. (Then walked another hour, approached another girl, got one of the most brutal rejections I've ever had in my ~400 approaches, walked home for another hour, and passed out for 11 hours from all the walking)
• Two weeks later I decide to start approaching again. Except I couldn't even get myself out of the house to do it. Out of frustration I eventually text a friend that I was going to start walking in one direction and wouldn't stop or turn around until I approached a girl, otherwise I owe him $20. I walked past dozens of hot girls in the downtown core. Coincidentally my friend was in the area and met up with me, which matters because it's a lot easier to approach with a friend. Despite that, it took another half an hour of walking until I autistically spat out lines at a girl while she slinked away in fear.
• Then, with my at-least-one-a-day habit, it took me months to get to the point where I can consistently make the first approach without tons of self-rejection prior.

Expect failure. Expect frustration. Expect to have to try every trick to motivate yourself.

But if you're walking around that's still progress. Doesn't mean you should be comfortable just walking around - the point is to get laid. Your brain will try millions of tricks to get you to be comfortable where you're at instead of pushing yourself to do more. But walking around is still progress.

I'd say, for you, today was a success.

 

[ninjaboynaru]

I started Cold Approach almost 8 months ago. I and many others went through the exact same thing you did, hour after hour, day after day with little to no approaches. I remember crying in my car at how pathetic I was.

Keep going, no matter what.
The only way you fail is if you stop trying.

 

[Limitless]

Hey guys,

Today was my first ever attempt at cold approaching and the grand total of approaches is a whopping zero. I walked for about 40 minutes to a park and wandered around for a little bit before coming back. It was unseasonably warm today and I felt pretty good because of it and wanted to jumpstart my approaching (I was originally going to start at a nearby university tomorrow afternoon, but that's still on the itinerary.)

But I pussied out on all the girls I walked past. In my defense, I counted only 4 girls during the whole trip who were young and attractive enough that I'd approach normally, (and my standards really aren't that high, just a lot of 40+ year olds here.) Still, I had opportunities and missed them.

Like I said, I'm going to a nearby college campus tomorrow afternoon where the pool of girls will be much better and much younger. I'll keep you updated on that tomorrow.

You have no idea how many doors just opened for you. Don't stop. Also how big is your college campus? If you're willing to, message me which school you go to. You don't want to be known as the guy who does that, one of my friends became that guy. But my college campus is huge, and he's a very socially unadjusted person. I doubt you'll have that problem. Just don't do too many in the same spot. Study dates are great too. I've gotten lays from that.

Funniest date I ever got was a girl who was lost asking for directions, I asked for her number and said it was in-case she got lost again lol. You'll probably also get A.I.'s (approach invitations), pay attention for those. don't miss em. A girl will smile a lot and giggle and look away then look back at you and keep doing the same. It's usually a conscious act. (I spent 8 years in college getting 3 bachelor's degrees, I was just trying to avoid the work force) I also wish I joined a frat, so if that's not somethign you're against, consider it, find out one of the popular frats (don't join a lame one, defeats the purpose if your goal is to get laid)

Depending on your major (I'm more familiar with the hard science majors), you can get a study date going on. Do not call it a study date. Just call it meeting up to study. Most girls will be willing to meet you at your apartment too. If you live on campus then your apartment complex has a study room somewhere. One problem I made was constantly asking girls out on a formal date rather than to "hang out", which is lame and sets the wrong tone. Hide your condoms in your pillow for easy access. Have only one chair for her to sit in (this is for a normal hang out, not sure if you can do this on a study session), something I learned cuz some girls will not sit on your bed. Do not simply put a lot of stuff on your extra chairs, girls will move it.

You can also turn up the heater so they remove their extra clothing so it's easier to escalate. And Radical is right, this is only a failure if you quit cold approaching.

College bars are a good place. You can also approach less attractive girls and use them for real study sessions.

Note: I had like 30+ dates from girls I met on campus, and these tricks I also learned from my other dates, the more unattractive a girl is, the more bitchy she is, I don't understand why, that's just my experience. I've never had an attractive girl turn my down rudely or go around telling people about it. So, don't approach unattractive girls unless for practice and you're sure they don't have connections to you. Or if you're forming a real study group. Also, if the class is hard enough, there will already be study groups.

The library is a great place to pick up girls, in my experience. Gym too. I've banged 2 from the gym, I think 2 from the library. Use Tinder too, I recommend. Like physics, chemistry, organic chemistry, biochemistry, etc., those all have study groups always. Befriend guys, they'll usually know hot girls. Gym approaches intimidate the shit out of me, library scares me a bit.




Edit:

Long story short:

1. Don't aim low, always aim high. Hotter girls are actually nicer.

2. Don't be afraid to make a move. I lost a ton of lays and potential dates with really attractive college girls cuz I was scared.

3. Assume a girl is into you if she doesn't cut communication.

4. Pay attention to your surroundings. For girls who are interested trying to get your attention.

5. Always make your room presentable every single day before leaving it. Subconsciously, you're telling yourself that you expect sex to happen.

6. Always have condoms with you, ALWAYS.

7. Don't be afraid to simply ask her to hang out when you just meet her. Just ask what she's up to right at that moment.

8. Have a default "date" option for when you ask a girl to hang out in texts or on the phone (probably text), or for when you meet her and if she agrees.
My default was to show a girl a really nice view in a a building that nobody ever goes to.
And my default for texting was mini-golf. Probably should try the bar from now on, mini-golf gives too much of a boyfriend vibe but I did it cuz I genuinely enjoyed it.
i've taken like 50 girls on mini-golf, they're always surprised how good I am LOL.

 

[Limitless]

whiteknite321 Oh I forgot to mention, you sort of have to close the deal a bit quickly. Or maybe my experience was unusual. A really cute girl in my physics class I hit on and wanted to hang out with (was too much of a pussy to pull the trigger and schedule an off campus hang out), but she got pissed off cuz I didn't sit next to her one day. One girl literally followed me around all day for like a week and I didn't even think to connect her being interested in me. It's like stupid how stupid I was.

I've had a LOT of girls with boyfriends meet up with me for on campus "dates" (just lunch or dinner). They knew I had intentions beyond friendship and they did too. Don't be afraid to aim high. I remember having a group project where we paired off in my nutrition class, I deliberately chose to join the group with the hottest girl in the class. half white/half-Asian, looked like a model. When I spoke to her later she told me she was doing the same thing, trying to get in my group.

Also said she was shocked when she saw me (Asian girls have a strong preference for me, along with black girls, but I don't have a strong preference for either, so when I say she was an attractive Asian girl, that means a lot). She also said her first impression was, "Who the fuck is this guy and how can someone be so good looking?" She wasn't being sarcastic.

But again, my preference is white girls, the traditional blonde, tan, blue eyed. But just white girls in general. I already know Asian and black girls find me attractive. Hispanic girls are iffy, I've been with a few, but not enough to conclude whether or not there's a wide preference.

Also when I visited Sweden, god I love Scandinavian girls.

 

[whiteknite321]

Also how big is your college campus? If you're willing to, message me which school you go to. You don't want to be known as the guy who does that, one of my friends became that guy. But my college campus is huge, and he's a very socially unadjusted person. I doubt you'll have that problem. Just don't do too many in the same spot. Study dates are great too. I've gotten lays from that.

That's the thing, I don't actually go to this college, nor any college. I went straight to the workforce, which is why I'm a bit concerned over how well the approaches will go if they figure out that I don't go to the school. I do live less than 20 minutes from the campus, (University of Maryland, which is pretty big,) so at the very lease I can just go approach any time I visit friends at this school.

 

[SamJ_]

Hey guys,

Today was my first ever attempt at cold approaching and the grand total of approaches is a whopping zero. I walked for about 40 minutes to a park and wandered around for a little bit before coming back. It was unseasonably warm today and I felt pretty good because of it and wanted to jumpstart my approaching (I was originally going to start at a nearby university tomorrow afternoon, but that's still on the itinerary.)

But I pussied out on all the girls I walked past. In my defense, I counted only 4 girls during the whole trip who were young and attractive enough that I'd approach normally, (and my standards really aren't that high, just a lot of 40+ year olds here.) Still, I had opportunities and missed them.

Like I said, I'm going to a nearby college campus tomorrow afternoon where the pool of girls will be much better and much younger. I'll keep you updated on that tomorrow.

Great to see you're attempting it--99% of guys don't even get out of the house with the intention to approach so you're ahead there.

I'm not as experienced as a lot of the guys here but I've been able to overcome a lot of mental barriers and basically get myself to approach most of the time that I want to. Basically you have to make a conscious decision to approach anyway no matter what and ignore all of the sensations/thoughts that are stopping you. When you approach, you should just do it and give it no prior planning or thought as this leads to more anxiety. At least that's my opinion but some may disagree.

 

[SamJ_]

Also how big is your college campus? If you're willing to, message me which school you go to. You don't want to be known as the guy who does that, one of my friends became that guy. But my college campus is huge, and he's a very socially unadjusted person. I doubt you'll have that problem. Just don't do too many in the same spot. Study dates are great too. I've gotten lays from that.

That's the thing, I don't actually go to this college, nor any college. I went straight to the workforce, which is why I'm a bit concerned over how well the approaches will go if they figure out that I don't go to the school. I do live less than 20 minutes from the campus, (University of Maryland, which is pretty big,) so at the very lease I can just go approach any time I visit friends at this school.

If you don't go to school there or work there, why are you worried what people think? There are literally no consequences even if you do build a reputation. As long as you don't harass or anything

 

[whiteknite321]

If you don't go to school there or work there, why are you worried what people think? There are literally no consequences even if you do build a reputation. As long as you don't harass or anything

It's not really the reputation that concerns me, it's the fact that since I don't actually go there, once they found out about that they'd see me as just some guy trolling for pussy. While that may be true to some extent, I can't help but feel that they'd see me as an outsider and would be turned off by that

 

[pancakemouse]

If you don't go to school there or work there, why are you worried what people think? There are literally no consequences even if you do build a reputation. As long as you don't harass or anything

It's not really the reputation that concerns me, it's the fact that since I don't actually go there, once they found out about that they'd see me as just some guy trolling for pussy. While that may be true to some extent, I can't help but feel that they'd see me as an outsider and would be turned off by that

What's better?

1. Not approaching at all, and definitely not getting laid.

2. Approaching on a college campus and maybe getting laid.

The choice seems clear.

There's also option three, which is: find another approach venue. But I would do this only after doing about a hundred campus approaches and seeing if any convert.

(I don't want to demotivate you, but I have my own views on campus approaching, you can read my log to see why).

 

[whiteknite321]

This wasn't a failure, it was a huge success.

Great video. Guess I've gotta get back out there. It's been about a week since I was on the front lines so it'd be nice to try again.

What's better?

1. Not approaching at all, and definitely not getting laid.

2. Approaching on a college campus and maybe getting laid.

The choice seems clear.

There's also option three, which is: find another approach venue. But I would do this only after doing about a hundred campus approaches and seeing if any convert.

(I don't want to demotivate you, but I have my own views on campus approaching, you can read my log to see why).

Preciate it bro. I'll have to go back out there sometime this weekend. I said in my original post that I was going out to this campus to hit on some girls. I did end up going but ended up linking with a friend of mine who goes there and instead walked around without talking to anyone. My secondary objective of this visit was to find another group of friends that lives closer to me. I have an awesome friend group, but they all live far away where I moved from about 6 months ago, so I can only see them every other weekend or so. I did end up finding a group of bros who are interested in playing poker with me. I love to gamble, don't judge.

I was also thinking about going to the mall if I don't end up at the campus to approach. I'm definitely not going to the first place I went, there was just hardly anyone there, even though the weather was so nice that day.

Anyway I appreciate the input and I'll keep at it!

 

[diamondbackbike]

Bro, I graduated from UMD years ago. I think it is a big enough school to do approaches. I haven't done any while I was there, but I believe can find enough girls to do it just by walking around the campus, or just hit up the Stamp Union if it's too cold outside. I heard girls there are very friendly. Don't give up!

 

[SamJ_]

If you don't go to school there or work there, why are you worried what people think? There are literally no consequences even if you do build a reputation. As long as you don't harass or anything

It's not really the reputation that concerns me, it's the fact that since I don't actually go there, once they found out about that they'd see me as just some guy trolling for pussy. While that may be true to some extent, I can't help but feel that they'd see me as an outsider and would be turned off by that

You shouldnt try to predict how girls will react to your approaches. I made that mistake and also tried to "plan" conversations in my head beforehand. After approaching even a little bit you'll find out that human interaction is pretty much completely unpredictable and one girl can have a positive reaction to the same thing you said that creeped someone out 5 minutes before. Trying to speculate about the unknown and what people will think beforehand due to your not going to school there is just a recipe for even more anxiety. Just do it and see what happens. If you have no luck try a different venue.

 

[D4vidDG]

Everyone goes through this man. There were days I would pussy out every woman I saw on the street and feel like a complete loser. The reason why I'm now able to approach is that I kept trying. And that was like a year trying everything to get used to approaching. I'm not totally proud of that because I left incomplete a lot of things. You should not do that because that'll come for you later. But hey, that's what got me here. I guess you need to just go outside and process your emotions and sensations. Eventually, you'll just do it if you keep going outside.

And don't be a cunt with yourself. Even I still pussy out nowadays, I still feel AA and I still made up excuses. You're not broken.

My best wishes man.