How to stop watching P?

[ziva]

Sounds like you have all the motivation in the world to stop. Everyone handles things differently, and if porn is that addictive to you you then I understand you wanting to go cold turkey. Knowing its this bad for you, why do you choose to do it? You don't strike me as the person choosing to do heroine, if you equate the 2, why is this one harder for you to drop?

One of the tricks to quit something, is when you just naturally don't think about it. If all you're doing is thinking about it, the temptation to use it is much greater than if you realise 2 weeks have passed and you haven't touched it. This is why you need to get your hobbies and sex options up.
[/quote]

I think the best thing to do is indeed get the hobbies and sexual options up. I think porn has been harder to drop because I accidentally rolled in it 11 years ago via a friend.
And I haven't had a potent replacement for porn for a majority of the time, so it's easy to fall back into. But yeah I'll just continue to focus on other things. Shifting the focus is actually working already. I haven't watched P in a little over 2 weeks. I think if I keep going like this and not stop after a couple of weeks, porn may actually fall out of style.

 

[ziva]

Sounds like you have all the motivation in the world to stop. Everyone handles things differently, and if porn is that addictive to you you then I understand you wanting to go cold turkey. Knowing its this bad for you, why do you choose to do it? You don't strike me as the person choosing to do heroine, if you equate the 2, why is this one harder for you to drop?

One of the tricks to quit something, is when you just naturally don't think about it. If all you're doing is thinking about it, the temptation to use it is much greater than if you realise 2 weeks have passed and you haven't touched it. This is why you need to get your hobbies and sex options up.

I think the best thing to do is indeed get the hobbies and sexual options up. I think porn has been harder to drop because I accidentally rolled in it 11 years ago via a friend.
And I haven't had a potent replacement for porn for a majority of the time, so it's easy to fall back into. But yeah I'll just continue to focus on other things. Shifting the focus is actually working already. I haven't watched P in a little over 2 weeks. I think if I keep going like this and not stop after a couple of weeks, porn may actually fall out of style.

 

[ziva]

This thread reminds me that I haven't watched porn for a while now. Can't remember exactly when was the last time, maybe in February, with a girl, just before having kinky sex...

As an ex addicted porn user, I would say that what truly worked for me was to get sexually satisfied. Even when I was in a relationship and having sex daily with my ex, I couldn't stop myself from watching regularly as I was not totally satisfied with her.

Now that I have a lot of kinky sex with a rotation of different cool girls, I don't feel the urge to go back watching porn as I can have great sex and make most of my kinks/fantasies happen for real.

So in my opinion, the solution to the porn problem is to not stress about it, but focus on being busy with productive stuff like working on your goals and building your dream sex life... In the mindset of "relax, you'll eventually stop watching porn when you get enough quality sex".
I know, it's easier said than done, but my point is that counting days without porn and then feeling bad because of relapses isn't helping. I think it's wiser to ignore the porn issue and just focus on stuff that truly matters.

I agree with you. I will focus on building up a satisfying dating/sex life and not quit.

 

[ziva]

Hey man I'd recommend using Get Cold Turkey as a website blocker, it works well on desktop. for mobile I haven't found something as good.

Having top quality online dating profiles + cold approach bringing in loads of warm leads would honestly help the most in terms of stopping you watching porn/PMO etc.

For now I would get used to fapping just using your mental thoughts, I mean no fap long term is best but for now just to stop porn donofap for like 1-2 weeks then start fapping just with imagination, no content. After a few times of this you'll get used to it, this way will also probably help make it easier to eventually stop fapping completely. I would really recommend to aim towards stopping fap completely, from personal experience it's a game changer.

I haven't fapped without porn for almost 7 years I think. I either watch porn and fap, or I don't fap at all. The thing that worked best for me, even if it was only for 2 months max, was seeing girls regularly. My longest no porn streaks all came after doing something with a girl. So I'll definitely be acquiring "loads of warm leads" so to speak . I just don't have to fall back into another period where I don't see any girls for months on end. I did this until 2 months ago for some reason.

 

[Method]

Like everyone else has said having a date with a FWB lined up within the week helps. Learn to enjoy the feeling of tension building up until then, and consider how great the sex will be once you get that release.

Along that line, be honest with girls about what you are into and what you want to do with them. It helps a lot if you can live out what you'd normally get from porn and you'd be surprised how receptive a lot of girls are to a lot of things, and to direct communication about it.

I'm also right there with you on porn being an all or nothing, and tough to avoid without seeing girls regularly. Like Hedon recommended, try to get used to fapping without watching porn. If doing the 2 weeks of nofap resonates with you, good.
For me that has increased my sex drive so much there's no avoiding porn, and go with more of an approach of just beating off and nutting once a day to keep my sex drive down, until there is some time in between now and the last time I watched porn.

Also consider how much of this is caused by internal triggers. Consider why you use porn. Horniness obviously but to some extent boredom. Whatever it is, it's a feeling on the inside. So learning to meditate, as in just experiencing that sensation for exactly what it is, a feeling inside of the body, can help you do un-identifiy with it and put some space in between you and the urge.



I know it seems out there, and what I'm going to say next will too, but the next time you feel an urge... try to experience it for exactly what it is. Like, what is it about this feeling that is different than that of hunger? How do you know the difference on a level of experience? How is this different from anger, or excitement about playing a new videogame, on a level of this being a feeling in your body. Try to see the difference between them like you'd see between the colors red and blue. It's all just different types of sensation.

Learning to see it for what it is, a sensation, can help put some distance between the feeling and actually acting on it.

 

[ziva]

Like everyone else has said having a date with a FWB lined up within the week helps. Learn to enjoy the feeling of tension building up until then, and consider how great the sex will be once you get that release.

Along that line, be honest with girls about what you are into and what you want to do with them. It helps a lot if you can live out what you'd normally get from porn and you'd be surprised how receptive a lot of girls are to a lot of things, and to direct communication about it.

I'm also right there with you on porn being an all or nothing, and tough to avoid without seeing girls regularly. Like Hedon recommended, try to get used to fapping without watching porn. If doing the 2 weeks of nofap resonates with you, good.
For me that has increased my sex drive so much there's no avoiding porn, and go with more of an approach of just beating off and nutting once a day to keep my sex drive down, until there is some time in between now and the last time I watched porn.

Also consider how much of this is caused by internal triggers. Consider why you use porn. Horniness obviously but to some extent boredom. Whatever it is, it's a feeling on the inside. So learning to meditate, as in just experiencing that sensation for exactly what it is, a feeling inside of the body, can help you do un-identifiy with it and put some space in between you and the urge.



I know it seems out there, and what I'm going to say next will too, but the next time you feel an urge... try to experience it for exactly what it is. Like, what is it about this feeling that is different than that of hunger? How do you know the difference on a level of experience? How is this different from anger, or excitement about playing a new videogame, on a level of this being a feeling in your body. Try to see the difference between them like you'd see between the colors red and blue. It's all just different types of sensation.

Learning to see it for what it is, a sensation, can help put some distance between the feeling and actually acting on it.

Boredom or a girl flaking can indeed be followed by an urge to watch P. I've also heard just seeing the urge for what it is, as a way to better manage it. Sometimes it helps, but sometimes it really feels like the urge is trying to take over my logical side for minutes on end. Venom trying to control spiderman type shit :twisted: . Has fapping without porn been an better experience than not fapping at all?

 

[Method]

Yeah it's definitely a balance, meditation in general helps to not focus too much on the feeling and just let it go like you would with a thought during a meditation session.

But in my experience, if I go from fapping with P to cold turkey no fapping or P, I'll get so turned on over the course of the week eventually I just basically binge it. So fapping, with lube and mental imagery of real life girls, helps me just keep my sex drive low for a bit while I put distance between myself and porn use. Then eventually I start to go longer between days of fapping and let my energy build up. I'll have thoughts arise of what I'm going to do to the girls I'm seeing and kinda just let it hype me up for the next time I have sex being that much better, if I keep that release until then. To clarify I'm not focusing on these too much and just letting the thoughts come and go, instead applying my energy to the gym or study or whatever. It took a long time and trial and error to get here tbh.

 

[ziva]

I think my stance on P and masturbation have changed a bit in the last days.
I watched P and did the deed 3 days ago, after 17 days of nothing. But before I did this I said to myself "I will do it and accept all the consequences that might come with it" (lower energy, self-esteem drops, all that). Somehow after accepting I will masturbate, and then doing it, I didn't really notice any significant change in my psyche at all. I even had a wet dream last night, and that normally doesn't happen since I just released 3 days ago. It feels like I did not even watch P 3 days ago, but I did. It made me think about why this feels different this time. As some of the guys on here said, I think I might masturbate once maybe twice a month, but learn to do it without P. A "healthy" way to masturbate if you will. I don't feel like a P/masturbation addict now, which might be the reason why it feels different this time. That's where I want to stay at until I have an actual sex life. I said that watching P/masturbating is like heroin for me, something I should never do. I want to get rid of P first because that's still not healthy, but masturbating once or twice a month with my thoughts. I could get behind that for now. And that brings peace to this topic, something I wanted for years now. I'm still talking to women everyday trying to set up dates and working my way up (still a beginner at this). I will set up that AA thread MakingAComeback said I should do as well. And for now I think this is the move. I'll keep you guys posted.

 

[SpicyBoi]

ziva

I’m going to give a different perspective (including my experience) on this.

A lot of guys think they are the king when they quit masturbation cold turkey, or do this “semen retention”’stuff but I think it’s a load of bullshit. It’s kind of like that MGTOW movement or whatever it’s called these days, especially if they aren’t even getting laid at the same time.

I think masturbation is fine, as long as you are also doing whatever you can to getting pussy alongside it (and you know if you are truly grinding or not deep down).

In terms of reducing the habit, I think you need a bigger goal to focus on daily rather than simply “quit masturbation”. The mind focuses most of what it does daily, and I actually think it makes it more of a risk prioritising only this (because if you fail one day then you’re going to feel really shit as that’s the big goal). A good one would be approaching women, as getting laid will eventually replace the need for busting a nut over an electronic screen.

Something I did last year was every time I jerked off, I had to go out and approach a woman immediately after. What it did was make me feel like a fucking loser for jerking off, as that simply was not reality. Although I fucked 80 new women during that year, I still masturbated but after time I eventually felt better landing one across a real girl’s tits or face rather than “imagining I’m impregnating the hottest girl on earth”.

 

[Renton]

I don't understand why guys want to stop watching porn or why they bother doing nofap.

It won't affect your ability to get laid unless it's extreme. The nofap movement is so retarded

 

[bonzo34]

..

 

[ziva]

I don't understand why guys want to stop watching porn or why they bother doing nofap.

It won't affect your ability to get laid unless it's extreme. The nofap movement is so retarded

I just can't regularly watch porn and feel good about that. I have friends who are opposite to this as well.
When I don't watch porn for a while life feels more fun and fresh. It's not even about getting laid at this point.

 

[Squilliam]

I don't understand why guys want to stop watching porn or why they bother doing nofap.

It won't affect your ability to get laid unless it's extreme. The nofap movement is so retarded

I used to feel similarly, but I disagree.

Well, I certainly doubt all the claims from NoFap that it makes you more "confident" or makes you get noticed more, or some shit like that, I'm sure it's all confirmation bias and placebo.

But there are absolutely benefits to doing NoFap.

It's also important to note that there are two aspects to this. Porn and masturbation. You can have one without the other.

Porn is undoubtedly harmful when used regularly. No, it won't affect our ability to get laid per se, but it can affect your ability to get aroused, and your expectations surrounding sex. Pretty sure there are studies that show that your real life expectations go up if you watch a lot of porn. And like, humans were not intended to be able to look at a million different naked girls at the click of a button. It's too much stimulus.

And in my case, excessive masturbation (1-3+ times almost daily for the past 7 years), has lead to a death grip problem which as a result has made me not enjoy the overwhelming majority of my sexual encounters.

Now, I do agree that doing NoFap is stupid if you don't have a problem with masturbation or porn. Masturbation is healthy tbh, moderation is just needed. Whereas porn is really just not healthy at all. It's like alcohol I would say. If you only consume a little bit the damage is negligible, but constant consumption will destroy your brain and mental health.

 

[einherjar]

I don't understand why guys want to stop watching porn or why they bother doing nofap.

It won't affect your ability to get laid unless it's extreme. The nofap movement is so retarded

Nice thread. As a guy who got into that stuff 5y ago:
ziva I don't think fapping & watching the occasional clip is bad per se - it matters more why you're doing it.
Having had a stressful week, got an hour to kill on a Sunday and wanna relax a bit by watching some homemade couple going at it? Fine.
Beating the shit out of your meat on a daily basis as as way to procrastinate on stuff while watching some hardcore-staged Brazzers gangbang?
Not fine.

If you're interested in how porn/beating off to it can affect you if you abuse it, read Gary Wilsons' "Your Brain on Porn".
Apart from that, it comes down to if you're willing to put in the time watching that stuff / beating off.
Personally, I ride the NoFap train for 2,5y straight now. Almost no Porn. Do I feel bad / horny / like I'm missing out on stuff? No.
Has it helped (especially the latter) with me being a better partner + saving time? Yeah, definitely.
Granted, I'm in a relationship and do approaching so sex is not an issue. I think if you manage to get either one down, things will take care of itself :- )

 

[Skelly92]

I personally quit porn about 2 years ago using the easy peasy method (19/05/2021 - I put the date in my calendar) and I would recommend it if you want to quit porn (it is free aswell), which you can find here https://easypeasymethod.org/.
I have had a one or two relapses, but only when I have been deleted/ clearing out my old porn that I had on my computer/selling old mags I had.

 

[ziva]

I personally quit porn about 2 years ago using the easy peasy method (19/05/2021 - I put the date in my calendar) and I would recommend it if you want to quit porn (it is free aswell), which you can find here https://easypeasymethod.org/.
I have had a one or two relapses, but only when I have been deleted/ clearing out my old porn that I had on my computer/selling old mags I had.

Bet. I'll give it a read.

 

[ziva]

Haven't posted on here for a while now. I want to start off by giving a huge shoutout to Skelly92 . You mentioned the free online hackbook https://read.easypeasymethod.org/ to me. This pretty short but insightful book goes into detail on what porn is, and how to overcome the addiction. Yes, it's an addiction. If you've watched it regularly for years, you've either never tried to stop, or you can't (yet). If anyone who's reading this is actually serious about curb stomping their porn use to absolute 0, give this book a read. It took me more than 1 full read (I'm re-reading for the 3rd time now), and some months to come to the realizations on why I kept watching something I knew I didn't want to. You actually HAVE to give this addiction a lot of conscious thought and time if you want to beat it. I've been watching since I was 8 or 9. That's 13 years of indoctrination you have to undo. I will say, with the right amount of thought it will not take another 13 years to stop the addiction. But don't be surprised that if you try to stop, you might keep watching again for weeks or months. You have to cultivate a new mindset over time.

I've been putting off writing about this topic because I was afraid. "What if I tell everyone that I beat porn, but end up "relapsing?". But thoughts like these are also part of the reason why you might "relapse". Being afraid, is part of the reason why you keep watching porn. "What if I don't end up having sex for a whole year? Does that mean I can't even get to orgasm to porn?" These are thoughts I had. When I look at these thoughts now I think, what was I so scared of? I used to keep track of how many days/weeks I didn't watch porn, but I deleted that app. I think it has been around 3 weeks now. The book says that the first 3 weeks referred to as "The withdrawal period" is the time where you're the most prone to "relapse". In these last 3 weeks there were a handful of times where I felt this urge to watch porn. At least these used to be urges. Now I see these feelings as the porn monsters (yes I actually call them monsters) doing everything they can to keep me addicted. Because everything porn is, is a toxic addiction. Before I read the book I didn't think like this at all. Even after reading the book between 1-2 times I still watched porn, because I thought I still craved it from time to time. It really came down to internalizing what the book teaches you, and asking yourself why it is, that you keep on watching. I even found a pdf of someone who added important points to the book, which I'm still reading right now.

All I can say is, no amount of distraction, or sexual partners will help you to STAY off porn for ever. If you believe that porn is ok to use, you will keep using forever. If you want to stop, but you believe that you can't because it feels too good, you will keep using forever. Overcoming my porn addiction taught me a lot about how important it is to realize what you believe in. There's a lot of power in that (I'm realizing this as I'm typing). I told Skelly92 that I would give the book a read on 04-16-2023. It still feels a bit weird, but 3 months later I can say that I've actually kicked this mentally draining addiction.... Now I want you to do it too! I've linked to the book at the beginning of this post. I've you're even just a little curious, I would recommend you to read it. It might change your life. (Btw I'm not sponsored :lol: . The book is free. Overcoming my porn addiction is just something that was REALLY important to me, so it might be to you too)

 

[hush]

I even found a pdf of someone who added important points to the book, which I'm still reading right now.

Can you share?

Congrats on the progress and thanks for your openness

 

[Ed_]

My dick is just trash unless i'm on nofap and so is my vibe and sexual energy and the power behind my escalations.

Going back to ziva 's original question, focusing on the positive sex benefits from no-fap has helped me more than any other method. Instead of the usual negative motivation (I shouldn't fap this, it's bad), I've moved to a positive motivation (I want to have the best sex possible with this next girl, so I want to not fap).

 

[Skelly92]

@ziva Glad to hear that it has been of use to you and you have been able to quit porn.
Well done!