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I'm totally blind, how do I look?

C

cactohelado

Member
Joined
Feb 9, 2022
Hello,

I'm totally blind, so having an accurate gauge of how I look and how to improve is... difficult, to say the least. Thought some people here might be able to provide feedback. I don't have lots of control over my eye closure, so my eyes probably look closed and/or odd in these photos. A few people have also told me that I look younger than my actual age (I'm 22). Thanks in advance for your thoughts!
 
You look good. I confirm you look younger than you are.

How tall are you?

Is working out to build muscle an option for you?
 
You're a good looking dude.

Could definitely use a lot more edge in your style: stuff like rings, necklace, leather jacket, nice sunglasses would all help.

I feel like you will very much be certain girls type, especially as you seem to be a happy, healthy guy in your photos.

Plus you can use the line "my eyes don't work, so just imagine how good I had to get with my hands", which is definitely a panty soaker. :)
 
You look like you're somewhere between 15 and 17. Have you had your testosterone levels checked? Taking actions to make yourself look more masculine and older, such as lifting weights, would be a big help.

You mention you don't have lots of control over your eye closure. How much control, exactly? Is there enough where you could do a professional photoshoot with your eyes open, even if they weren't able to be open when you showed up on the date with the girl? If not, what about wearing a pair of stylish sunglasses?

Your haircut contributes to your boyishness. Find a decent men's hairstylist and ask them for a contemporary attractive haircut.

Excited to see your progress. I recommend starting your own log so you can keep us updated. Also, selfishly, because I have many questions about how the world of dating (or even technology use like this forum) might be navigated while blind!
 
hush said:
How tall are you?
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166 cm/5 ft 5 in.

hush said:
Is working out to build muscle an option for you?
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Something I can definitely look into as I feel I could definitely use improvement there! I regularly jump on a mini trampoline to de-stress, so my leg strength is fairly good, but I could definitely use work on my upper body (I'm a software guy in big tech so spend a lot of time at a desk, not actively lifting big objects and the like).
 
cactohelado said:
Manly Cockfellow said:
nice sunglasses
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pancakemouse said:
If not, what about wearing a pair of stylish sunglasses?
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How do I look in something like these?

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What you want are something modern and trendy. Wayfarer style sunglasses never really go out of style. For example.

Implementing any sort of style advice all by yourself online might be tough. Do you have any knowledgeable real life friends that might be able to help you re-invent your style? Either stylish guys or any girl. How about the girl in your graduation photo?
 
pancakemouse said:
Implementing any sort of style advice all by yourself online might be tough.
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It sure is!

pancakemouse said:
Do you have any knowledgeable real life friends that might be able to help you re-invent your style?
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It's hard to assess knowledge by myself... if I could, I wouldn't need them!

I often wear Aftershokz when out so that I can hear my phone's VoiceOver reading at ~650 words a minute without the voice blabbing to the outside world if I get a message or something. I like the idea of sunglasses with embedded bone conduction audio so I can drop the headphones and just worry about one piece (unless they all look terrible).

Do you think any of these models might work? (I tried on the Bose Frames a while back, pictured above).
 
cactohelado said:
Do you think any of these models might work? (I tried on the Bose Frames a while back, pictured above).
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Of those, I think the Fauna audio glasses look best. Second place goes to either the the Razer Anzu or the Bose Tenor.

In any case, I think you should buy one pair of normal fashionable-glasses that you would wear for photoshoots only. The technology on the smart glasses necessarily makes them look worse.
 
cactohelado said:
Something I can definitely look into as I feel I could definitely use improvement there! I regularly jump on a mini trampoline to de-stress, so my leg strength is fairly good, but I could definitely use work on my upper body (I'm a software guy in big tech so spend a lot of time at a desk, not actively lifting big objects and the like).
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I'm also into software development, I highly recommend working out. We tend to spend a lot of time in a slouched position and suffer from forward head and shoulders posture.

A personal trainer could teach you to lift weight or you could maybe go to the gym with someone.

Same advice regarding clothing: a personal shopper or someone who specialize in relooking people could help you.
 
pancakemouse said:
cactohelado said:
Do you think any of these models might work? (I tried on the Bose Frames a while back, pictured above).
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Of those, I think the Fauna audio glasses look best. Second place goes to either the the Razer Anzu or the Bose Tenor.

In any case, I think you should buy one pair of normal fashionable-glasses that you would wear for photoshoots only. The technology on the smart glasses necessarily makes them look worse.
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I agree with Pancake's advice.

Fauna, Razer Anzu, Bose Tenor all look better than the ones in your picture, but not as good as some regular Ray-Bans, Wayfarers or aviators would.


And I'll second the advice that an edgier haircut and adding some upper body strength and size will dramatically improve your looks.
 
pancakemouse said:
Also, selfishly, because I have many questions about how the world of dating (or even technology use like this forum) might be navigated while blind!
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As for dating, a few random thoughts:

  • At least for me (and the other blind people I've talked to), a lot of our attraction is voice based. I'm really into girls with giggly, higher-pitched, sort of shy sounding voices and submissive personalities.
  • On that note, the voice prompt feature on Hinge is a game changer! They should make it mandatory, just as photos are, and other apps should roll it out. Really helps level the playing field.
  • I met two girls from Tinder just before the pandemic. The first one's voice wasn't really my thing, but she seemed into me so I agreed to meet. I met her in a cafe on-campus and she seemed... in another world, disconnected, almost as if she was captivated by something on her phone rather than engaging with me. She had an odd fixation on the number of people she'd got with. The "out-of-sync" feelings continued into sex. It felt like she was performing, optimizing for a visual experience that just wasn't going to do anything for me. I felt a bit more connected with the second, though she was very amused by my wanting to "look" at her, "have a look" at something and such. I think she could've been alright but I suspect that the world being upended really broke her and we lost touch.
  • My other experience has been with blind girls that I've met through various global online friend networks. Maybe because they're older (late 30s/early 40s) or because they inherently aren't visual, those experiences were more immediately fulfilling. But the blind community is small, incestuous, and has its own share of issues, so I don't want to limit myself to just blind or just sighted girls.
  • Dating apps are, as you can probably imagine, pretty hard for us. Then again, I'm always open to try (hence my posts here) as I think they could be another avenue to meet sighted girls. If a voice is our equivalent of a picture (and, at least last time I tried, lots of girls didn't have bios filled in), our best strategy seems to be indiscriminate right-swiping and/or paying to see who likes us and screening from there.

Jamgoth said:
Out of curiosity, if you are blind, how are you on the internet?
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I use a screen reader on my computer and phone.

Jamgoth said:
Who took the pictures?
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Acquiring pictures is hard: for this post (and my previous profiles), I mined social media for photos taken by friends, family, my mother, etc. When I lived at home, I'd ask maybe once a year for help taking a new profile photo for social and professional media. Now that I'm on my own, I suppose I should look into hiring a photographer (and take photos explicitly more dating-focused instead of just looking around for whatever I can find)?
 
pancakemouse said:
Taking actions to make yourself look more masculine and older, such as lifting weights, would be a big help.

Your haircut contributes to your boyishness. Find a decent men's hairstylist and ask them for a contemporary attractive haircut.
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Manly Cockfellow said:
And I'll second the advice that an edgier haircut and adding some upper body strength and size will dramatically improve your looks.
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Duly noted, thanks! As for the haircut, should I explicitly mention to the barber that people have commented on my looking young and I'd like a less boyish style?

Also, now that I've graduated, moved to a new city, the pandemic is ending and all that, do you think it's worth trying the dating apps again with some of the photos I've posted here? (It's been well over three months since my last attempt). Or should I simply not bother until I've made good faith progress in implementing some of the advice here?
 
cactohelado said:
Duly noted, thanks! As for the haircut, should I explicitly mention to the barber that people have commented on my looking young and I'd like a less boyish style?

Also, now that I've graduated, moved to a new city, the pandemic is ending and all that, do you think it's worth trying the dating apps again with some of the photos I've posted here? (It's been well over three months since my last attempt). Or should I simply not bother until I've made good faith progress in implementing some of the advice here?
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The haircut is a tough problem to solve for sure. Generally I recommend to people that that mine social media for attractive guys around their age who seem to get attention from women and might look like them. But that's out of your capacity. That's why I think having some intermediary, like a male or female friend, to help you with this, would be extremely helpful.

Barring that, go to the best salon possible, you should be paying $40-60. Tell them you want something attractive and contemporary that fits your face shape.

I would not recommend starting on the apps until you've made at least a bit of progress, you are unlikely to get any meaningful results.

But there is a ton of tactical progress you can make starting TODAY. Sunglasses. Haircut. Weightlifting. Style.

There's so many other things that would help as well. For example: Alex from the Tinder YouTube channel Playing With Fire is partially blind and has a guide dog. I've met him at a bar in Miami and he was able to bring his dog in. The dog helped him get TONS of attention from women.
 
pancakemouse said:
That's why I think having some intermediary, like a male or female friend, to help you with this, would be extremely helpful.
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I'm going to have to give that one some thought. Maybe should get a few opinions.
pancakemouse said:
Barring that, go to the best salon possible, you should be paying $40-60.
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Yep, that seems the going rate around here (high cost-of-living US city).

pancakemouse said:
I would not recommend starting on the apps until you've made at least a bit of progress, you are unlikely to get any meaningful results.
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Makes a lot of sense, and thanks for giving me a roadmap! I'll aim to provide an update (and updated photos) within a few months.
 
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