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Jamgoth's New Progress log - actually striking up the balls to talk to women

Jamgoth

Jamgoth

Member
Joined
Jul 30, 2022
'Sup Shitlords.

I posted here for advice about a year ago. I dipped from the forums, so I assume those of you who remember me figured I gave up, but I didn't, I just didn't feel like posting my progress if nothing significant happened in that one month. Some of your advice was to point out that I had no edge, that I came off like a "nice guy" so I changed that, started wearing form fitting black shirts, leather accessories with chains, and ripped jeans, got a tattoo and piercings, also got lasik and grew out my beard and hair.

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That's July 2022 versus January 2023. I've only made more progress since. I'm going for a metalhead look, and, aside from putting on more lean muscle mass (I've gone from 125 to 140 lbs at around 20% body fat, and I'm aiming for 160 with 12%, this is still something I'm working on) I think I've hit the look I'm going for. I know 90s hasbeen rocker isn't everyone's style but I figure this is my way to express myself while also being divisive, edgy, masculine, etc, and not so much of an awkward CS nerd pushover that I used to be. Now the next part is transforming my personality to actually fit the vibe I'm going for. I already got the guitar and am learning how to play it.

I'm done with undergrad, and did get into a master's program which was important to me (I have life goals outside of fucking women, which may come as a shock to you), but, until I have to start studying again, I'm going to hang out in DC for the summer and work on my cold approach skills until I'm officially a player. If anyone in DC wants to hit me up, feel free to. But I basically want to view the summer as an experiment to work on my game full time. Go out a few times a week, figure out what works and what doesn't, learn to read signs she's interested, and don't let my ego get bruised if something I try doesn't work, because, after all, it's an experiment, and I'll be out of here by August.

During my last semester I did get a girlfriend. Although no one here would be impressed with her (average body, very below average face) but at least I have proof to myself that I can pull *someone* and can officially say I'm not a virgin without lying about it or paying an escort. Andy mentioned this somewhere on the main blog that after his first success, he had nagging doubts that this was a fluke that he couldn't replicate, and that this feeling went away as he got more successes and his game became consistently good. That's where I'm at.

6/2 I went to Black Cat, which is a punk-rock, metal themed bar. There, I started talking to a very attractive alt-girl, who was by herself. It took up some courage to even say anything to her, but when I did, it went well at first, she seemed interested in what I was saying, we were asking basic 'getting to know you' small talk, except she was engaged, asking me follow up questions, doing her part to carry the conversation. I called her cute. She said I was also cute, we were dancing to the music a bit, we were both a bit touchy with each other, making eye contact, her hand was on my leg, I tried to lean in for a kiss but it wasn't reciprocated, it made things awkward and I had to quietly excuse myself out of embarrassment. I went to a different venue. Keep in mind this was all within 30 minutes. I think I could have pulled if I just let the sexual tension stew for a couple hours instead of rushing it, but I've missed chances in the past by not moving too soon, so I guess I'm overcorrecting. Overall good experience for a first night out, even though I didn't pull.

6/9 So I went to a happy hour meetup group at a place called Whitlows that has rooftop music, entered around 6, chatted up the bartender and a couple other people sitting next to me, at 7 I decided to go up to the rooftop. Met the meetup group, we seemed to get along okay. I didn't feel comfortable flirting with anyone per se, just basic small talk. I would mostly just go up to random groups, introduce my name, chat for a minute or two, and then leave. It started getting dark around 8 or 9, that's when more people started coming, music got so loud you couldn't hear anyone, and I was noticably drunk, and I was badly dancing to the music, which I suppose is better than awkwardly standing in a corner. A cute Asian girl commented on it, said I was "12/10 wasted". She asked me what my astrology sign was, I told her "aquarium" which made her laugh, I tried to chat with her a little more, but she was hanging out with her friend group, then after a while I couldn't find her so I figured she left. As more people arrived I found it harder to introduce myself to groups so I was bouncing around between different people more. I thought I saw one girl giving me a double take so I went up to her, she said I had nice hair, I gave her a compliment back, and that was the end of our interaction before she went off with her friend. Another girl I had kinda bumped into a few times told me that some guy was looking for me, so I went up to him and he seemed confused, so I figured the girl just lied to get me to go away, which is weird because I wasn't exactly going up to her specifically. But I figured that meant I was being weird to people and that was my cue to leave. Although I did introduce myself to one girl as I was paying the tab downstairs. She seemed happy to greet me, she said she was heading upstairs and I said bye. Looking back I realize that might have been an invitation to hang out upstairs with her, but it was after midnight, I was tired, and had too many experiences that night of "talk to a girl for a couple minutes, never see her again" for me to get my hopes up with her.

6/10 Went to an Indie Rock concert. Found it extremely difficult to approach anyone, even when drunk. Saw one girl who was by herself reading before the concert so I went up to her. She looked uncomfortable talking to me, so I decided to get out of there. Another couple of girls I approached immediately scorned me as soon as I opened my mouth. I said "hi, my name is _____" and got back "She's not interested. Also I'm her cousin so you better back off" So I did. I figure women could probably tell what I wanted when I approached, which made me not want to approach. Also a lot of the women here were either in their 30s with their families or could have been in high school. Neither group I want to flirt with. So I decided to give up and just enjoy the music until I got bored and left.
 
Wow man, what a transformation. Your new look is so fucking edgy.
 
hell yes man good to have you back, great that you got your first gf, found an archetype, and started talking to girls

haha i think we might be at the exact same point right now

looking forward to what you accomplish
 
Jamgoth said:
I know 90s hasbeen rocker isn't everyone's style but I figure this is my way to express myself while also being divisive, edgy, masculine, etc, and not so much of an awkward CS nerd pushover that I used to be
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I actually really appreciate that you're leaning into the "cringe" of this. Going overboard and being willing to be embarrassed will advance you far more than trying to play it safe with your style

Gonna be keeping tabs on your log
 
lol you would kill it in nashville haha
 
6/14 and 6/15

Basically went bar hopping at various places around my apartment. Woke up today exhausted and had to sleep all afternoon. At first I was trying nightgame because I feel it's more socially appropriate to approach random people, as we are in a situation where we are expected to socialize and alcohol helps calm my social anxiety about approaching strangers. I just go up to a group and see if they are receptive to me, and if they aren't. I find someone else. I got a couple numbers, but they were both dudes, but I figure it can't be bad to expand my social circle. I don't really feel bold enough to flirt with women, just going up and having a casual platonic conversation. I don't want to be that one guy at the bar who just bothers a bunch of women who clearly aren't interested, so I'm not just approaching women, I'm approaching people, and if they aren't interested, I leave. I'm not sure if this is a good strategy though. That one alt girl 2 weeks ago was really receptive to me, but I botched that by leaning in too early, but I hadn't gotten anything close to that happening again. I suppose I should try daygame at some point.
 
6/17

Went to an adult house party today. Again, the goal wasn't to hit on women (I don't want to be that weird creep who's clearly only there to get laid, even if that is my goal) but just to have fun, introduce myself to people, see if I vibe with anyone. To my surprise, I found an attractive woman, she was 30 but attractive for her age, short spinner type, who hit on me, but I sort of didn't know how to react to it. She said things like "I think we would make a cute couple" "I hadn't had sex in 4 months." "You're hot but you seem feminine." I could tell I was being hit on, I'm not that socially oblivious, but I didn't know how to maintain that energy and couldn't pull. That last one in particular didn't even register as a shit test until a full minute after she said it. Still, I had a pretty girl hit on me. That's progress. What would any of you have done in this situation?

I got a blonde mallen streak a few days ago, also a nose ring a couple months ago. Will update with pics when I have one that isn't a shitty mirror selfie.
 
1. SOLID progress man! You're crushing it.

2. Responding to this

Jamgoth said:
She said things like "I think we would make a cute couple" "I hadn't had sex in 4 months." "You're hot but you seem feminine." I could tell I was being hit on, I'm not that socially oblivious, but I didn't know how to maintain that energy and couldn't pull. That last one in particular didn't even register as a shit test until a full minute after she said it. Still, I had a pretty girl hit on me. That's progress. What would any of you have done in this situation?
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Don't worry about it. Most guys don't get even this. You'll get the game after practising a lot.

Without knowing the exact discussion you had... I think you had those comments, especially the last one, coming right from the start. It's the energy you give to people. I am personally the joker kind of guy. I'm making joke of everything if I want to. I also have the serious vibe, kinda ignoring their stuff or listening and being silent most of the time.

You could just turn everything she said around to neg her, show sexual intention, catch her off guard or so. Whatever happens you need to be on top of the discussion. That's your way to prove her you're worth her time since women aren't exclusively interested in the looks. Even the last one, the femininity comment you could have owned and turned everything around by making a joke about it, negging her even more or acting like you didn't hear that.
 
hyrtsmyrts said:
Even the last one, the femininity comment you could have owned and turned everything around by making a joke about it, negging her even more or acting like you didn't hear that.
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I thought of "Yeah my exes always told me I eat pussy like a lesbian" as a way to deflect the shit test + turn it sexual. But I didn't think of this for a solid few minutes until after she said it.
 
So the girl who flirted with me last night (as well as a different girl) messaged me on insta, Asking me what I was doing today. She initiated contact, not me. It's a Monday so I guess going to a bar might not be the best idea but I feel like this is a good sign. Might offer to go somewhere later in the week.

I didn't do much today other than laundry, gym, other household chores. My depression is getting to me and it makes it hard to focus on my day to day activities.
 
I'm still in contact with the girl from the house party. She definitely seems interested, but I don't know how to close
 
Jamgoth said:
I'm still in contact with the girl from the house party. She definitely seems interested, but I don't know how to close
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I saw your previous post before this. Get her on a date ASAP. Don't let it cook too long. The setup doesn't need to be perfect. Time isn't on your side because if you stall for too long, she'll assume disinterest & go to the next dude who's probably texting her as well.

I'd ask her out & set up a date as soon as you read this. It's a super good sign that she's actively initiating. Capitalize on this.
 
6/24/2023

I went to Decades, a popular nightclub in DC. The gimmick of this place is that every floor has a different motif to it, ie, one floor has 90s hip hop, another floor has 80s dance music, another has 00s music, etc. I was at the bar at the entrance. I saw one dude badly trying to hit on an attractive 30 year old Indian woman. He was trying to impress her with how many tacos he could eat. I went up to her and made fun of how tryhard he was being. We introduced our names to each other and she said she was going up to the 90s floor with her friend. I'm assuming this was an invitation to follow her. So I waited a few minutes and I did. I found her in the crowd but I decided to start talking to other people. I left shortly after though. I really wasn't in a good mood that night and didn't feel up for it to be honest. So I went home after maybe 30 minutes.

6/25/2023

I went to a pool party. There was this one insanely hot girl who was kinda giving me shit. "oooh you're such a wittle babyee haha" I think I held my ground well enough, in terms of not looking too needy or too fragile to her teasing, teasing her back. One guy (who brought his hot girlfriend) said I kept her attention for longer than he would have thought, which still wasn't very long. I did not end up pulling or getting her number. I got a couple numbers but no one followed up when I texted them. I did get a decent photo of me in the pool with some other people, which would be a good OLD picture, as it shows I'm social, something my old photos did not give off. Although I don't think I'm fit enough for a shirtless photo yet, and I still think I need to hold off until I put on some muscle in order to start worrying about OLD pictures.

6/26/2023

I got black dangly earrings which I think give me more of a fuckboy look than the diamond studs. It may be a bit too much so I'll keep the old ones but I'm trying these out for now.

I also tried going out and approaching for daygame but it didn't go well. Nightgame I find easier, even though I'm not really pulling, but it's easier to talk to women in a nightgame setting. For one, the alcohol helps. Two, it's expected to socialize at a party or nightclub, so going up to women and introducing myself is less intimidating. I feel like I can casually flirt or crack a joke with sexual innuendo because it's acceptable to do that at a house party. In daygame, I feel like a predator searching for prey, and that I'm bothering women who are just going about their routine by going up to them to call them cute. I walked outside for two hours and couldn't bring myself to approach anyone.

In brighter news, I'm still in regular contact with two girls I met from the party a week and a half ago. I'll call them Marketing Girl and Ukrainian Expat

As per Natedawg's suggestion, I asked Marketing Girl out on a date and we went walking around Oldtown Alexandria. I was feeling kinda tired that day. Had trouble sleeping the night before and flirting without liquid courage was kinda hard. Nevertheless the date went okay. I didn't feel like she was enough tension there to lean in for a kiss, but she did respond to my texts the next day and we're talking about going on another date. But I don't know if this is a "I agree to a date now but will be flaky when the time actually comes" kinda thing, which has happened to me a lot in the past, so I don't want to get my hopes up too much, but it looks like a solid lead.

I've been talking to Ukraine Expat over the last week or so. She's been very forthright about previous relationship trouble she had, which I assume is a subtle hint, but not enough to make a move. I asked her if she wanted to go watch a movie this weekend. She agreed to hang, but told me it wasn't a date, as she doesn't date Americans. I can't tell if she's being genuine or if this is a shit test. So I asked if she's racist against Americans. She said no, she just doesn't date them (she has in the past, but I'm not going to point that out). We will see how this goes.
 
Alright the Ukrainian Expat probably only sees me as a friend.

I think I blew it with the Marketing girl too. She's been less responsive to my texts and I asked if she's up for a movie she replied:

"I've been super busy this week. I'll prob pass out early tbh"

So yeah I guess I didn't do a good job of exciting her on that date

It's Wednesday night, I'm gonna go out again soon but not getting hopes up
 
So far I've just been continuing going to nightlife and talking to random strangers. Got a few numbers/IG but so far no other dates/kissing/sex.

I guess I'm at the point where I'm getting used to the idea that talking to people isn't that bad. And if she's not into me I can talk to someone else
 
7/1/23

Went out to a dance club with a group of wings I found online. There was one experienced guy who was giving lessons. I instead went to go get a drink or two (I need liquid courage to calm my nerves) then went to approach on my own. In hindsight I probably should have stayed with the more experienced players to get a sense of what they did (the group leader was able to pull a girl, I was not). Other than that it was a typical night. Made small talk with people, both guys and girls, most of the time this lasted maybe 60 seconds at max.

I had one girl who complimented my nose stud. Seemed into me, we hugged a couple times, but said she had a boyfriend but hoped I found an amazing girl to go home with. It felt like a genuine "I'm sorry this can't work out, I have a boyfriend" rather than a "go away, I have a boyfriend" so I guess that's encouraging. But yeah I got really drunk and then lost my car and did not go home with anyone.
 
It's July 4th. I'm going to do daygame again. I'm getting discouraged because I don't seem to be making progress. I can rarely hold the conversation for more than a minute. I can't seem to spark attraction. Does anyone have any words of encouragement?
 
Your doing good man. Just keeping goin.

Putting in the effort to approach is an elite level action.
 
GLL article that helped me with this stuff:
https://theredarchive.com/blog/Good-Looking-Loser/shut-your-mouth-rookie-redshirt-year.35179

Focus on the process and the results will come 😁
 
Jamgoth said:
It's July 4th. I'm going to do daygame again. I'm getting discouraged because I don't seem to be making progress. I can rarely hold the conversation for more than a minute. I can't seem to spark attraction. Does anyone have any words of encouragement?
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Can relate to this man. I feel like I have so much trouble keeping the conversation going unless she's extremely receptive. And in almost 200 approaches I don't really have much to show for it. Although ngl I do feel like daygame is still somewhat blackpill, because you are ultimately competing with every other guy in contact with her.

Just remember that at the beginning, it's not about the results. It's about being able to do it in the first place, building your confidence & overcoming your anxiety, as well as improving your game.

By approaching girls you're showing a lot of social courage.
 
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