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Ravi, Year 3: Self-Improvement Log - Data-Driven, Incremental Growth. Feedback Welcome. Ego & Defenses, Dropping [Its Done]

MakingAComeback

MakingAComeback

MAC DADDY ;-)
Joined
Jan 19, 2021
Goal
Inner Game
Age
33
Location
UK
Hi all,

I am here because I am serious about change. This has been a long road, but I am ready to dive in and change the direction of my life.

I'm 29, from the UK, and work as a Programmes & Projects Manager. I've had a decent career so far and have developed a great deal. I have a range of hobbies that I enjoy, guitar, language learning, hiking, travel, photography, video editing, reading. I have a great best mate and have a few other good mates though they've moved all over now and are married etc. But I am still kicking and as ever, trying to get myself a life I truly love.

I found this site when browsing the internet and was in awe of so much of what is happening here. I have the utmost respect for the guys here setting themselves goals and putting their heart and soul into them. Wishing you success.

MY 2021 GOALS

  • (1) Weight Loss: To lose 48lbs. I'm 6 ft 5 and 248.4lbs, and want to get to 200lbs.
  • ACTIONS: (A) Maintain 600kcal deficit, Vertical Diet (B) Exercise: Bodyweight training 3 x p/w, Jogging 3 x p/w, (C) Health: Support circadian biology, support gut health, optimise sleep.

  • (2) Lose Virginity: A long and quite painful story, a summary below:
  • ACTIONS: (A) Get to 215lbs (B) Seek advice on developing a dating strategy (currently fucking clueless), preferably online (C) Execute strategy, maintain accountability and transparency, until goal #2 achieved

Started to really want a girlfriend at 18, had a bunch of mates who went out a lot so hit the night scene hard, nothing really happened with the ladies for a year and half. This made me feel quite shit about myself because all my other mates were finding girlfriends, getting laid, I didn't get it. I chalked it down to my appearance, I had been competing in powerlifting for a few years and a good amount of excess weight, so I decided I would lose it. I didn't know how to go about this, and during this time I developed anxiety and some depressive ideation. I went to Uni, where I made new mates who also loved going out and drinking, but I myself couldn't get anywhere with the ladies. Had a good time but in year 2 of Uni I decided I absolutely had to figure this out. I lost all my excess weight over the summer before Uni, did so like a total idiot with insane diets and fasting, which caught up with me later, but anyway when Googling how to get a girlfriend I found Pick Up. I was pretty disgusted by it and resisted for ages, but then after a few house parties and noticing that a few girls were interested in talking to me now post-weight loss, and I now had crazy anxiety, I decided I had to just bite the bullet and learn from PUAs.

I went full-in, met a group of PUAs in my city and went out 4 x p/w, with them and also just hanging with my mates and slipping in some approach. I limited myself to only 1 beer per night, and started NoFap. I did some day game occasionally but not much. After 2 years of going out 4 x p/w, talking to a minimum of 10-15 girls per night, literally, nothing happened. Couldn't even get them to respond to a text, lol. Couldn't get a date. Nada. All this time they told me it would happen, I would breakthrough, I did everything they told me. I was in 2 groups, some guys were into the Mystery stuff, the others were into RSD and did their programs etc. The latter group was getting success I won't lie. But my mates at Uni didn't even know what a PUA was but were smashing it with women, getting massive success and totally effortlessly. Sucked to be living in a house with 5 dudes and for women to be coming and going from their rooms daily while I was struggling to get a date. But I am a stubborn cunt and don't give up easily. I sucked it up and kept going. No progress ever came. During this time I may have approached between 1-2,000 girls. I kept a fucking spreadsheet LOL. I got countless numbers but never a response. I tried all sorts of different approaches and on one occasion, right at the end of Uni, I did get a girl to come home with me, but she explicitly told me as we were getting in the cab 'nothing sexual', and she went back to my place and fell asleep. I just didn't know what to even think of that one haha.

I then graduated Uni and was in quite a shit place mentally. Going out as much as I did had left me quite drained and I developed awful insomnia. Also the crazy restrictive dieting had begun to cause some rebound weight gain and I then developed issues maintaining my weight. I drifted around for a while and did different jobs, volunteered, just tried to find stable footing. I got a semi-decent job and started working. My anxiety levels and general health were beginning to decline, I had been stressed the fuck out for years and years and it was taking a toll. I began researching health a lot and experimenting with different things. Weight began to fly back up! Sad times.

I took a break from work and travelled for a year. The work I was doing was OK but not really in alignment with my ability or experience (I graduated from a great Uni and had done some interesting stuff) and my mates from Uni were doing better in that respect. I decided to get my head together. Clubs had left a bad taste in my mouth, I started to try online dating (age 25). After using it for a year, swiping, messaging, etc, I had very few matches, couldn't get a single date, and would just repeatedly get ghosted. I think I sent around 400 messages on OKCupid and didn't get a single response over the course of a year. I showed some of my mates this and they thought that I was cursed or something. We laughed about it but they were puzzled. Tinder was a bastard, I didn't get many matches at all. What hurt is that my brother (good looking guy) who already had a girlfriend installed Tinder when we were travelling he got up to 400 matches a day, he would post responses just pissing around for jokes, asking girls to take their clothes off and what have you, and they did (lol) and even though he wasn't interested he got them to come out to meet him for sex in various false locations which we both found quite funny, to be honest. We'd just be travelling and he'd get some angry messages from women who expected him to bang them when we'd left for the next city lol. I still wanted a girlfriend myself and didn't want to hook up or anything, so I began to lose faith in women at this stage. Gained a bit more weight and began to think I was an ugly as all hell. Not a good looking bloke but I do have other things to offer, so it kind of hurt when I realised that online dating wouldn't be an option for me in the position I was. At this stage I had literally done everything.

I got back from travelling just before turning 26, got any job I could to make money again, started a really shitty role but met an amazing guy who became my best friend. I left the job after 3 weeks but kept hanging out with the dude I met, and before we knew it, we were hanging out every week, going to gigs, raves, festivals, weekends away in Europe. it was great. He had girlfriends in the past but like me he sort of gave up over time. He's a super-intelligent guy and quite a nerd (as am I, I love to learn) and just like me, enthusiastic about life and trying new things. I left that shitty job and got my start in another sector (which I stayed in) and began to build some genuine skills and experience after drifting about for a while. For the first year of going out with him, mostly just socially shooting the shit, I did approach a bit, but I was not as good as I was before (and I didn't get anywhere then!). Also the rejections now would be brutal, something that didn't use to happen, suppose I was leaner and younger. I had girls throw drinks in my face literally for just saying "Hi, how are you?", was kicked, punched, just insane shit, and for what, saying hi? But I was progressing in my career, so I didn't let this reflect on me, I was travelling a lot, had got a lot done, had a range of hobbies and was active in life. I began working like a fucking demon and levelled up in what I was doing, got a promotion, started managing staff, and made up for the time where I didn't have a solid sense of direction post-Uni. I was focused on having fun and made occasional attempts to connect with women, but even this was a flop. Fuck.

After no-end of shitty experiences with women, at around 27, I just gave up on them. I decided you know what, it's not worth it: I just want to be happy. My lack of ability to get a girlfriend fucked with my head, saw me develop low self-esteem, and for the first time I began to question the purpose of even living if I would just end up a lonely old man? I quickly nipped that thinking in the bud, and though, look, I'll just pursue success - I'll start businesses, earn good money, travel, explore the world, read fine literature, explore art and culture, and spend all my time getting new experiences that will enrich my life. I've spent the past few years just getting into health, improving every aspect of my function, getting things right with sleep, circadian rhythm, breathing, hormones. I have made good progress and can now look at more cosmetic issues like weight. I just wanted happiness, so I picked up my guitar, my camera, my passport, and just had fun with my best friend, hiking, going to raves and festivals, creating positive memories.

In the back of my mind, I thought if I honestly got to the point where I was feeling good and living well, finally someone has to like me enough to be able to go on a date? Kind of went with the mainstream advise of NOT seeking and you shall find.

As you know, that's bullshit, lol.

I haven't bothered with women for 3 years. No approaching or online dating. Nothing has happened of course. I do have female friends, I do get on well with my female colleagues, and they don't really suspect that I struggle like I do. But after almost 12 years of rejection, I just couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I've never had a girl like me in any way and honestly, my desire to be with one just slowly left me. I am having a hard time finding the desire or interest in women, part of me really did die, fuck.

Why I am here now is that I just want to be able to lose my virginity. I have to spark some interest in women again otherwise I am heading down a lonely fucking road. Thereafter, I will assess what I will do. I wanted a wife and kids really badly when I was a bit younger. Dumb shit thinking let me tell you. I'll be 30 soon and I don't think that is going to happen for me. I now don't want to get married, though I would like kids, I simply don't know what I will do. But I have to start somewhere and rock bottom is a good place as any to start dragging myself up. One step at a time.

Note: Whilst I am ashamed to admit this, I don't necessarily like women in the same way I used to. I used to be fascinated by them and find them to be really cool. Now I tend towards indifference or a slight dislike. I find them superficial, self-absorbed, hedonistic and shallow. This is clearly horrible and it makes me feel like shit admitting I have thoughts like this. But if I am ever going to improve with women I may as well be honest. They seem to be cool to the type of guys they like, so my thought process is just bitterness. I enjoy the work of Jordan Peterson so I am aware this is my inner bitch speaking here. I will get over it as I got over other things in my life.

  • (3) Career Change: I work as a Programmes & Projects Manager, which has been just fine, but I am going to pivot out of this industry with a view towards developing a new skill set that I can leverage to significantly increase my income and income streams (right now I just have my job). I am developing a multi-year plan. One step at a time.

  • ACTIONS: (A) Successfully complete current contract (July) (B) Skill Development: From July onwards, live abroad somewhere sunny, and learn a new skill (digital marketing), get freelance work and build a portfolio, and start a fulltime role in new industry upon return to the UK in Jan 2022, whilst also maintaining freelance work as a side hustle

  • (4) Enjoying Life: Lockdown has been harsh in the UK, we've basically been at home for over a year. I have a few good hobbies (guitar, language learning, hiking, travel) and was constantly out and about doing stuff before Covid, taking a bunch of classes. I work remotely now and when travel restrictions ease, I'm getting on a plane and getting the fuck out of here for 5/6 months. I am able to complete my work remotely. I will keep healing myself, optimise sleep, brain function, and get lots of light (I use blue blockers etc).
  • ACTIONS: (A) Leave UK when lockdown eases (B) Live somewhere sunny, get full-spectrum sun exposure for 4-5 hours per day to recharge body and brain, lying on a beach whilst reading books (C) Travel, socialise, explore life

That's all from me gentleman.

I am serious about this. too much of a hard-headed bastard to give up on myself, I will probably be grinding until the day I die.

CONTENTS: POSTS OF NOTE

turning-points.jpg


OUTWORKING GOD'S PLAN: JORDAN PETERSON'S FUTURE AUTHORING EXERCISE, COMPLETED BY MAC ON HIS 30TH BIRTHDAY:

BRAIN RECONDITIONING: HOW I PUSHED PAST EXTREME ANXIETY TO GET BACK INTO SELF IMPROVEMENT & FIGHT FOR MY LIFE

HOW I GOT SCAMMED FOR OVER 5K BY PICK UP ARTISTS IN MY 20S AND RUINED MY DATING LIFE FOR YEARS: WHY THEORETICAL WIZARDS AND PUAS SUCK (TRUTH = NUMBERS GAME. LOOK GOOD + TALK TO GIRLS = VICTORY)

ORIGINS OF A USERNAME: MAKING A COMEBACK - RISING FROM THE DUNGEON

IMPORTANT FORUM POSTS:

THE BASTARD'S PROPHECY


Candles In The Dark: Important Messages of Encouragement From KYIL Members


Rags2Bitches : Reflections On The First Law of Sexual Dynamics - Look Good & Talk To Girls


CRUNCH TIME: PIVOTAL DAY OF POSTS THAT GALVANISED MAC TO GO 'ALL IN' IN SUCCESS WITH WOMEN AND MOVE TO A MAJOR CITY Manganiello 's Observations Of MAC's Journey So Far

MAC MEETS KYIL'S 5-STAR GENERAL - RADICAL

Andy (KillYourInnerLoser ) on Meaning & Purpose In Life

You Have To WANT IT: Insights From Thebastard's Epic Journey

MAC Goes On The AA Program Journey: THE HARDEST CASE THE INTERNET HAS EVER SEEN ATTEMPTS TO SLAY THE AA DRAGON
Stage #1: Stuck On Week 1 Day 6 - MAC Reflects On His Past

PROPS FROM ANDY: REFLECTIONS ON MY JOURNEY SO FAR - WHAT HARD WORK LOOKS LIKE

WINS/MILE STONES

Victory.jpg


MAC Loses His Virginity (4 Weeks Before Turning 30) To A High Class Escort

MAC Goes On His First Date (At 30 Years Young)

2021 KYIL SELF DEVELOPMENT SUMMARY: MAC ACHIEVES ALL HIS FIRST YEAR GOALS IN A STELLAR A+ YEAR OF SELF IMPROVEMENT

MAC's 3rd Date & Progress Update

MAC'S FIRST GOAL: 8 DATE BY JUL 31ST (FAILED, 0 DATES ARRANGED)


MAC PULLS A GORGEOUS GIRL FROM THE CLUB (NO LAY, BUT DATE VERBALLY AGREED)

MAC Gets A Shoutout From The Killer Of Inner Losers Himself
theinnerwinnershow.com

Andy Wells

Podcast · Andy Wells · I'm Andy - I went from depressed & suicidal to living a live of abundance & joy. If I can do it, you sure as hell can too.I went from depressed, suicidal, obese & alone to a beautiful, loving relationship with my girlfriend Immy, regularly having 3somes together with girls...
theinnerwinnershow.com theinnerwinnershow.com

MAC LOSES MORE WEIGHT, IMPROVES STYLE, RE-DOES OLD PICS AND GETS TO 8 DATES IN 2021 WITH 28 DAYS TO SPARE!

MAC'S 1ST PULL: MAC PULLS FROM DATE #9 (BACK TO MY PLACE - MAKEOUT, NO SEX, MAJOR BLUEBALLS!)

MAC GETS HIS FIRST LAY: 10 WEEKS INTO THE PHOENIX PROJECT, 10 MONTHS INTO HARDCORE KYIL-STYLE SELF IMPROVEMENT (THE LONG WALK TO FREEDOM - THE BEST WEEKEND OF MAC'S LIFE)

MAC GETS 2ND LAY 22 WEEKS INTO THE PHOENIX PROJECT: HOTTIE FROM TINDER, G&T ON THE BALCONY AND RIMMING THAT BOOTY

LAY #3 - 2 GIRLS IN 1 WEEK

LAY #4 CRAZY VEGAN CHICK WALKS 5 MILES TO COME STR8 TO MY BEDROOM

LAY #5 NERD GIRL - AWESOME LADY

LAY #6 THE DROUGHT ENDS

LAY #7 STONER GIRL

LAY #8 DOMINEERING POSH GIRL

NG ENDS MAC'S CRISIS OF CONNECTION-

CLOSE CALL WITH PSYCHOLOGIST LADY

INTERVIEWS & THE EVOLUTION OF MAC

1ST INTERVIEW WITH ANDY (KillYourInnerLoser


INTERVIEW WITH RADICAL (Radical )


2nd Interview With Andy: MAC gets his First Lay! (MAC's BACKSTORY & FIRST LAY)

MINDSET / NO EXCUSES

David Goggins: I Am Rocky In Round 14



MAC'S LOG TRANSITIONS

LOG V1

22nd March 2021 - 13th November 2021

OUTWORKING GOD'S PLAN: FROM NOTHING TO SOMETHING, MY RELENTLESS PATH TO VICTORY

LOG V2

THE PHOENIX PROJECT LAUNCHES: ALL IN

13 November 2021 - Ongoing


THE PHOENIX PROJECT IS ACHIEVED AND THE PHOENIX IS RISEN FROM THE ASHES


THE PHOENIX PROJECT: PROJECT MILESTONES
-WEEK 10: MAC LOSES HIS VIRGINITY - FIRST LAY!
-WEEK 15: 5 DATES IN 1 WEEK!
-WEEK 16: LESSONS LEARNED - MAC GETS GHOSTED OR RECIEVES THE NOT FEELING THE CONNECTION TEXT FROM 20 / 20 DATES, ASKS FOR HELP AND COACHING IN REVISING DATE STRATEGY
-WEEK 18: REFLECTIONS ON THE CRISIS OF CONNECTION ERA: 25 DATES GHOST OR SEND THE NOT FEELING THE CONNECTION TEXT, SO MAC LEARNS GAME! (link)
-WEEK 22: 2ND LAY WITH HOTTIE FROM TINDER
-WEEK 23: 3RD LAY FUN CHICK FROM TINDER
-WEEK 23: 4TH lay
-WEEK 24: 5TH LAY, GET 2ND DATE, AND RETAINED (CRISIS OF CONNECTION OVER)
-WEEK 26: DATE, PULLED, GO DOWN ON EACH OTHER BUT NO SMASH


(Stopped updating its post, but I went on to get 9 out of 10 lays for the project in 2022, I beat my Approach Anxiety, and I lost a lot of weight! The Phoenix Project ended in Dec of 2022)

THAT CONCLUDED MY RED SHIRT YEAR

___________________

ONWARDS TO YEAR 2 AFTER AN EPIC RED SHIRT YEAR

Now begins the transition......

Jan 2023: The IronWill Project commences: Money, Muscles, Mindset - Year 2 of MAC, Realising The Greatness Within

These days, I am focused on getting SUCCESS in my Accountability & High Performance Mentoring, IronWill.

My secondary goal is body transformation. I update the forum regularly with physique updates.

Finally, I am still working on developing a good dating life. Outside of London, in the UK, I was unable to get any traction. As such, I am leaving the UK to see how I fare overseas. Geomaxxing, or being a passport bro!

Andy made this video about my progress which I appreciate a lot:


Self Improvement can be a multi-year journey. To increase SMV, to improve looks, and to build a dating profile that is working for you, can take years of hard work.

But there is no alternative.

I will continue to grind this year, and see if I am able to get a better dating life outside of the UK, having improved my body and looks.

-MAC
 
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Hey mate, happy to see you here, working on yourself !

You really did a lot on your past, i'm fucking impressed, it's unfortunate you didn't get the results you wanted but keep it up !

if you haven't done it yet, check out Andy's tinder guide, and listen/read/watch his postcast/articles/yt videos, he got a great mentality and give really good advices

MakingAComeback said:
I had girls throw drinks in my face literally for just saying "Hi, how are you?", was kicked, punched, just insane shit, and for what, saying hi?
Click to expand...
Wtf ?
 
Gabi said:
Hey mate, happy to see you here, working on yourself !

You really did a lot on your past, i'm fucking impressed, it's unfortunate you didn't get the results you wanted but keep it up !

if you haven't done it yet, check out Andy's tinder guide, and listen/read/watch his postcast/articles/yt videos, he got a great mentality and give really good advices

MakingAComeback said:
I had girls throw drinks in my face literally for just saying "Hi, how are you?", was kicked, punched, just insane shit, and for what, saying hi?
Click to expand...
Wtf ?
Click to expand...

Thank you man I appreciate that.

Kind words bro, means a lot - I have literally put in every second of my life for the past 10 years in improving myself, taken less than 10 days off in this time, whether it's getting a new certification for work, learning new songs on guitar, reading new books, and also, travelling a lot and going to a lot of music festivals, gigs, and hiking across many of Englands amazing routes (grateful for this tbh). I have become a better and more well-rounded person and I feel pride for that. I attacked improving my dating hard as hell and really did apply a lot of best practice, worked with different people got different advice - I totally struck out and failed but I am willing to keep trying and failing for the rest of my life it must be. Better to die trying.

I have been listening to Andy's podcast a lot, and have read some of his writing. I am going to start putting aside time on Sundays to study more of these materials in depth. All I can do is try man.

Oh yeah it was shocking, honestly, I don't understand. Admittedly, some of them were probably drunk, but being kicked and punched for just saying hi was degrading and sucked. I used to write field reports and stuff and at the time I actually found it funny. It didn't happen much when I was 21-25, but when I hit the night scene again at 26, women were absolutely brutal.

It takes a lot of mental fortitude to have very negative experiences with women for a protracted length of time and keep your mind on level footing. I can't let it affect me as I have women in my family who depend on me, colleagues, employees, etc. Just gotta keep it moving man.
 
KillYourInnerLoser said:
48lbs is absolutely doable in a year; I lost 77lbs in about 9 or 10 months. Make this your MAIN focus.
And while you're doing it, work on your style, practice taking photos and getting better at it, etc - plenty of time to lose fat AND improve the other fundamentals.
Click to expand...

Cheers Andy lad, greatly appreciate you. Yes mate, it is my main focus, my tracking spreadsheet is sorted, diet printed out, training program on the wall, and I will be posting here daily to keep myself accountable.

I have been reading your site for the past few weeks and only got the courage to post now. You have given me hope mate and it means a lot. I have a busy day and have to crack on now but I want to say I deeply appreciate you and if you have a Paypal address I can send a quick donation to I'd love to know.
 
MakingAComeback said:
48lbs is absolutely doable in a year; I lost 77lbs in about 9 or 10 months. Make this your MAIN focus.
Click to expand...

I did the same thing last year. Not as fast as Andy. But I dropped about 40 lbs in a year.


100% worth it. The attention you get from changing your looks and style makes the struggle worth it.
 
Jesus Christ man, lots of respect for your persistence. You make all of us who have complained about cold approach's lack of results sound like lil bitches.

I'll suggest listening to the podcasts KillYourInnerLoser does with his girlfriend. You'll discover a new side of women that will breath New life into your faith with the ladies.

Finally, you should definitely read Thebastard journey for inspiration.
 
Damn homey!

Sounds like you've had one hell of a rough time with it all.

I quite enjoyed reading your story in large part due to how relatable it was to me.

We both powerlifted for years and might have inadvertently made our bodies worse as a result.

We both have the fucking spreadsheets!!! I found it very helpful. Data driven decisions are the best decisions.

We both had countless nightmarish experiences at the night scene. Long, drawn out torture like being flayed several times a week. And building up a landslide of rejections that beat our self-esteem into the dirt, compressed to the point of near paralysis. That kind of shit you experienced with the cunt girls DOES happen. Especially to guys they don't like the look of.

And we both saw our friends succeed, often tremendously whilst we could only watch in awe/horror. Being stuck in a house with 5 guys who are getting pussy by the wagon-load, while you were stuck with your dick in your hand. Faark. Brooootal.

You are smart and resourceful and more positive than one would expect despite your bumpy ride. There is hope. You just need to take the appropriate actions in a clear, intelligently thought out way. I'll give you an example. 2014. Me and my Spanish flatmate are at a bar in Aberdeen. I ask this blonde bitch to take a photo of us with her phone. What does she do? She flips me the off. I get kicked out by the bouncer because she flips me off. I book a flight to Gdansk the next day and never looked back.

Did everything just magically get better? Not even close. But it was a fucking start.

Pm me bro. I have something for you that I think will help you a lot in your journey.
 
Radical said:
Whereabouts in the UK?
Click to expand...

I'm from Warwickshire my man. West Midlands, so pretty central location-wise - can get to London on the train in about an hour, Birmingham is about a 40min drive. I'm not crazy about the West Midlands, for me personally, I've really enjoyed spending time near the sea - bigger picture goals is to move somewhere with a good beach, but this will probably be outside the UK. :)
 
Manganiello said:
MakingAComeback said:
48lbs is absolutely doable in a year; I lost 77lbs in about 9 or 10 months. Make this your MAIN focus.
Click to expand...

I did the same thing last year. Not as fast as Andy. But I dropped about 40 lbs in a year.


100% worth it. The attention you get from changing your looks and style makes the struggle worth it.
Click to expand...

WOW, congrats on that weight loss bro - that is majorly good work! You look good in your avatar (no homo) so you definitely got a lot out of that from what I can see. Shit, I can use all the help I can get appearance-wise, so I definitely am motivated to drop it all. Like I said to Andy in the post above, right now it is my major focus and I am practising visualisation and fantasising like Andy mentioned in a recent YouTube video.

Diet was bang on today, I'll post daily updates on that, with a post to come shortly once I've addressed you guys.

Thanks man,
CBK
 
Crisis_Overcomer said:
Jesus Christ man, lots of respect for your persistence. You make all of us who have complained about cold approach's lack of results sound like lil bitches.

I'll suggest listening to the podcasts @KillYourInnerLoser does with his girlfriend. You'll discover a new side of women that will breath New life into your faith with the ladies.

Finally, you should definitely read @Thebastard journey for inspiration.
Click to expand...

Thank you man! Always been a fighter mate never afraid of hard work and patience, in many ways life is a teacher albeit a cruel one, we get the lesson we need. Looking back everything in my life was pretty much a bitch to accomplish and made me develop a work ethic like a mother fucker, had 5 paper rounds at 11, worked 2 jobs at 16, worked my way through Uni, and went at trying to get myself a date with the same fire. All I can do is try brother.

Actually if it wasn't for Thebastard 's sticky thread I found when I was searching the internet, I think I would have been so fucking lost, I read his sticky thread on GLL a few weeks ago and actually cried because I could relate so much. Very proud of his achievements, for dudes like me, hearing stories like his are a fucking inspiration.

Of course I will keep listening to Andy's podcasts, I have them on quite a lot and am slowly absorbing stuff. Best stuff out there to be honest.
 
Thebastard said:
Damn homey!

Sounds like you've had one hell of a rough time with it all.

I quite enjoyed reading your story in large part due to how relatable it was to me.

We both powerlifted for years and might have inadvertently made our bodies worse as a result.

We both have the fucking spreadsheets!!! I found it very helpful. Data driven decisions are the best decisions.

We both had countless nightmarish experiences at the night scene. Long, drawn out torture like being flayed several times a week. And building up a landslide of rejections that beat our self-esteem into the dirt, compressed to the point of near paralysis. That kind of shit you experienced with the cunt girls DOES happen. Especially to guys they don't like the look of.

And we both saw our friends succeed, often tremendously whilst we could only watch in awe/horror. Being stuck in a house with 5 guys who are getting pussy by the wagon-load, while you were stuck with your dick in your hand. Faark. Brooootal.

You are smart and resourceful and more positive than one would expect despite your bumpy ride. There is hope. You just need to take the appropriate actions in a clear, intelligently thought out way. I'll give you an example. 2014. Me and my Spanish flatmate are at a bar in Aberdeen. I ask this blonde bitch to take a photo of us with her phone. What does she do? She flips me the off. I get kicked out by the bouncer because she flips me off. I book a flight to Gdansk the next day and never looked back.

Did everything just magically get better? Not even close. But it was a fucking start.

Pm me bro. I have something for you that I think will help you a lot in your journey.
Click to expand...

Firstly, thank you for sharing your journey, you don't know how much finding your thread off a few internet searches helped me - there are probably a lot of blokes out there who have found deep solace in reading it, because I can tell you I did mate. I actually started crying when I read it, so thank you mate because I really did need to see that this can be improved.

Yes mate, it has been a rough one, but I have not become too bitter or resentful, have still got promotions every year and climbed the career ladder a few notches. Because I can tangibly see that overall my skillset and general ability/competence has kept improving from the work I've done, I don't feel bad about myself, I'm hard working and capable enough to never go destitute, and am in a decent enough place financially that I can actually just travel for 6 months if I want to and figure my next steps out in getting to the life I really want. I will be honest, yes I have had the absolute shit knocked out of me by my experience, but I swear to you in quaint and curious ways I have developed from this. It's quite hard to describe but having deeply harsh experiences over and over can build a kind of resilience and determination that is beyond even words, if you've ever read or heard about David Goggins (one of my heroes), he talks about 'going down to mineral salts', there is a place that is so deep in the human soul that you can access that really does give you a kind of strength you didn't know you have. Something good will come of it all in the end man I have to make it so.

Powerlifting, fuck! I remember reading you got into that heavy too. I competed for years mate, trained with world champion lifters, even travelled a little for it. Like anything I do, I went at it balls to the fucking wall and did ANYTHING to get more weight on the bar. And that includes extreme food intake, gallon of milk a day, that sort of thing. Got my squat up to 200kg x 5 at 19 years old and was also deadlifting 235kg x 3. I did it until I was 19 and had some thick dense muscle, but fuck me did I get fat. I had a bad injury that stopped be competing and then I started doing a lot more cardio to trim down a bit before Uni, which I did a little in 1st year, and then I lost it all for 2nd year. Bottom line is, yes mate, it made my body a LOT worse! I am getting my current weight off me as a matter of priority, but after that, I will go forwards more hypertrophy type training, powerbuilding type stuff, 12 rep range. Leanness really is so important, wish I knew that and never got fat, might have saved me a good bit of heartache.

Shit, don't I know it man. I developed thicker skin as I got used to getting rejected a lot, but with the really savage ones, like being screamed at and told to fuck off and die etc, some of them really did hurt. My 22 year old self would drag himself back to his student accommodation at 4am bit melancholic, "I just want a girlfriend, is that so wrong?", bullshit like that...fuck I feel pathetic writing that. I got over it, but it was hard seeing my mates just crush it, like have different girls over every night of the week while they did literally nothing - maybe message them on facebook (don't think Tinder was around then), these girls would take THEM out, buy them things, it was pretty crazy. These guys were my bros and did show me a lot of love but the question of why I never had a girl round was never raised. There were some occasions when there would be a girl on my course I'd developed something of a crush on ending up in one of my mates beds and on those occasions that did get to me, I remember crying one night over that (lol), not because of his success, good for him, but because I was out from 8pm-4am four times per week, with 2 2hour day game sessions per week, for fucking MONTHS and I literally could not get a girl to give me the time of day. Brutal is right mate. Looking back, I just have to fucking laugh. Insane shit I tell you.

Don't even know what I'm going to do or what will happen for me in the future, but I will be open and honest with you and tell you that I really will try my absolute best. Once I have lost my virginity I may continue, or I may not, I don't know at this stage and have no concept of what a connection with a woman would be like or what dating one would be like, it's hard to describe but I just can't relate to those things anymore.

I will PM you man. Thanks for that kind offer bro it means a lot.

Best wishes,
CBK
 
KillYourInnerLoser said:
Appreciate the offer of a donation, but I'd like you to get something back for your money. Join my Patreon if you want - $5 at the lowest tier - and you'll get all my podcasts weeks before everyone else. Higher tiers get you more cool shit, like exclusive content I don't post anywhere else, free coaching calls, etc. I'm less comfortable with the idea of someone just giving me money without getting something for it.
https://patreon.com/killyourinnerloser

Agree with others; you've got mad persistence. I've said it 100% times, but all that matters is that you just never fucking quit:
https://theinnerwinnershow.com/71/

https://killyourinnerloser.com/when-youre-in-a-rut/
Click to expand...

OK sure, I understand. I've joined your Patreon instead.

Thanks mate, I will listen to episode 71 and also read the article above.

Best wishes,
CBK
 
ACCOUNTABILITY

(1) Weight Loss
(A) Maintain calorie deficit: 1800klcal consumed (DONE)
(B) Exercise: Had to go to my parents place to paint their spare room after work, got my weekly shop done, cooked meals for the next 2 days, and then...missed my jog! Could have done it and gone to bed later, but that would negatively impact goal C, of optimising sleep and circadian biology. Tomorrow I will be better (NOT DONE)
(C) Health: All habits were done, day-time blue blockers were worn, with night-time blue blockers on at 6pm. Took a 10m walk after each meal. Now, it's 8:50PM, and I am going to put my day structure down on my diary for tomorrow, before bedtime at 9pm. (DONE)

See attached for calorie trackingView attachment 1
 
I sort of know the area

Im in Manchester. For any real dating success you really want to be in a big city
 
Radical said:
I sort of know the area

Im in Manchester. For any real dating success you really want to be in a big city
Click to expand...

Manchester is such a cool place man, spent a lot of time there, used to go to Parklife every year. Really is true that people are nicer up North, on the festival circuit I'd have the most wholesome interactions at Parklife and would be at London festivals the next week and encounter some right cunts. Haha.

But to your point, I accept what you say here.

I lived in a major UK city from 20-25, so that's all through Uni and a bit post, and yeah it was insane for nightlife, shocking number of cubs and bars that were packed out, home to some of Europe's largest superclubs, so massive places with 5 floors, thousands of partiers. I did all my night-time approaching in this environment for 2 years, including the bit of day-game I did for, what, 3 months at best.

In addition, just before Covid-19, I had a job offer in London and was about to secure a place to stay - that got rescinded 24 hours later when Covid blew up, but thankfully I hadn't given in my notice at my current role as I wanted to get a confirmation letter/have a job offer in writing first. Since then, I've lived in this smaller town.

Moving forwards, as per goal #4 Enjoy Life, I will be hopping around and working remotely around Europe, so being in major cities will be part of that. If/when I return to the UK after that process, I will most likely get myself in a major city again.

Cheers,
CBK
 
Morning Weight: 244.4lbs (down 4lbs)

Cool. I will track my morning weight every day and keep a spreadsheet to work out averages.
 
ACCOUNTABILITY

(1) Weight Loss
(A) Maintain calorie deficit: 1800klcal consumed (DONE)
(B) Exercise: Resistance Training (DONE)
(C) Health: All habits were done, day-time blue blockers were worn, with night-time blue blockers on at 6pm. Infrared sauna and cold bath done. Day planned for tomorrow and about to go to bed now at 9pm to get up at 545, which is when the sun comes up (I practice morning sun gazing and grounding, for circadian biology). (DONE)

Let's keep losing this weight....

I am looking at places to go for an extended stay when travel becomes possible for UK nationals, Thinking of pissing off to the Canary Islands for 5 months and relaxing on the beach, learning new things, dropping my weight, working remotely and shit, trying to get a date??? Why not....

Cheers
 
MORNING WEIGHT: 244.4lbs

(1) Weight Loss:
(A) Maintain calorie deficit: 1800klcal consumed (DONE)
(B) Exercise: 30 min jog done. 30min core work and stretching done. (DONE)
(C) Health: All habits done, watched sunrise, practiced 10min earthing first thing, wore day-time blue blockers, and shortly about to switch to with night-time blue blockers. Will get to bed at 9pm for a 530 rise.

Day was good, got work done effectively and CEO sent me a text saying she was happy (boom). Got a nice morning walk in for an hour listening to a great podcast.

Now going to unwind, read some of Andy's articles, watch some interesting videos, and read. Started a great book called Life On the Edge, by Jim Al-Khalili, on the subject of Quantum Biology. I am heavily interested in bio-hacking, breathwork, and light/tempering practices like cold, sauna, earthing, etc. Also going to get the guitar out and relax.

Best wishes,
MAC (haha I like that as a signoff)
 
MattsCrib said:
If your struggles are as real as you've written - I'm so sorry. Damn. How is it POSSIBLE to get 2000 rejections?

Other guys here: what the hell are guys like him doing wrong?????
I've literally seen way smaller, uglier guys getting laid. I've seen antisocial guys get laid. I just... Don't get it.
How can you guys even say that "it's worth it" and "results will come" - this guy has been trying to improve himself for over ten(!) years.
I'm really sorry, but people who just blatantly lie that "you just have to try harder lol" are... Wrong.

Maybe you should just not try anymore. Maybe i'm completely wrong, but if everything you're saying is true then... Why do you even bother?
Why not focus on actual positive things that ARE under your control? If women fundamentally don't like you after ten years of self improvement... Like..

I'm baffled, confused... Because on one side, I see NORMAL LOOKING guys who are not freaking 6 foot 5 get at least some girlfriends and on the other side, I see guys like you who... Just wtf? In your picture, you look normal.

I see partially myself in you, except I haven't approached 2000 girls. I still have the dislike towards relationships, romance and sex (but not towards girls on a platonic level)

So I beg you, please prove me wrong and succeed I really, REALLY want to see you to succeed because right now - as a person who has just read your story, hasn't seen your full appearance and doesn't know which parts are exaggerated - I just don't believe you can. I really, REALLY hope you can.
Click to expand...

Thanks for your post!

Yeah, I get it - it's a strange position to be in as a guy, and around the age of 27, I did experience deep sadness and even loneliness, to the absolute core that it is possible to feel these emotions. I had the realisation: shit, I'm not going to have the dream wife, the kids running around, I have not made the cut. I felt terrible for about a week but shrugged it off. I love the work I do and am good at it, am respected by my colleagues and am trusted to deliver complex and difficult projects. I got over it like we as men must do. We all have a cross to bear in life my friend, I will bear mine.

I'm not exaggerating. I'm too old for that, have put in too much time, and am not here to waste ANYONE's time - I will put in 100% every single day and follow the advice the group gives.

Last year, I could prove to you I am not exaggerating within a second, as I have posted all field reports online. The forum I was posting on got taken off the internet (company name started with an R, ended in a D), so it's gone, but I also took 2 boot camps with this company at 2 grand a piece, and can actually provide you with the screenshot of the invoices if that would clarify that I am not bullshitting or something (lol). I am not exaggerating mate, like I said, what's done is done now - I am here to improve myself and change, what I have done has not made the mark.

Further clarity on numbers:

Nights out followed the same format: (A) Warmup: I would always open 15 girls to warmup, within short period of entering the venue - if they are receptive, I would talk to them for as long as possible. Very, very few were receptive off the bat, so I just kept opening to build momentum. I could do this easily. (B) 5-10 quality approaches: Here, I would open strong, and really try to get a conversation going, try to get a connection and hopefully find someone who I like, who perhaps liked me too. Over the 2 years regular, 4 nights per week night-game, very few girls were interested in talking to me. Post Uni, from 24-25 (before I went travelling), I went on holiday with my bros, just to get drink basically (I was not drinking when doing 'game'), and when we went to Greece, I got one girl to talk to me all night. I then asked her to go for a walk on the beach with me, and she said she couldn't leave her friend. That was that.

Day-game, I just did the standard stuff, ask girls for the time to open, then try to get a conversation going, get a number. I got to the point where I was getting 10-20 numbers per week. And you know what? After 3 months of this, not one girl texted back.

In total, these were between 1,000-2,000 approaches. That is a genuinely accurate number, I am not exaggerating, I am telling the truth. I am happy to be open and honest with you all here and in time you will get to know me. I am a genuine and honest bloke and I am truthful, loyal, and not a liar at all! Sorry if this sounds defensive but I had to address the issue of 'exaggeration'. Again, had I been asked last year, I would have had a journal of 400 pages to link to you. But, it's gone.

"Maybe you should just not try anymore. Maybe i'm completely wrong, but if everything you're saying is true then... Why do you even bother? Why not focus on actual positive things that ARE under your control? If women fundamentally don't like you after ten years of self improvement... Like.."

It's not about women, brother. It's not about them anymore. This is about me.

I have been grinding my ass off since I was 11 years old man. It never was going to be an easy life for me, been in a challenging environment from day 1, but always been a hard worker and fairly smart. Went to a failing school (30% pass rate, tragic but true) and got straight A's and went to a top 10 Uni despite it, which I am still proud of to this day, I literally had to teach myself in my own time after school, and I still achieved my goal. Some of my friends in school made other choices, they are now in prison. I chose the path of hard work and got the first job I could (paper round lol). Why should I give up when I have given my heart and soul to be a better person? I appreciate life itself and the growth that is possible. I have had some experiences in life that just do not let me give up, I volunteered on a hospital ward for 2 years, I have seen men in their 60s and 70s with a terminal prognosis weep because they wasted their life, beg me to not waste my life, promise me to keep going and try to 'go on and do something. I made a promise I won't break for anyone and the only way I will stop trying is if you take a gun and blow my fucking brains out. I will be here getting rejected until I am 90 years old.

"Why not focus on actual positive things that ARE under your control? "

Agree, good point actually. I do. My hobbies are also a focus:
-Playing guitar daily (11 years)
-Learning Spanish (3 years daily)
-Photography & Videography (weekends mostly)
-Learning about quantum physics and biology
-Politics, Society
-Debating and discussing with my best friend (weekly)

After the age of 27, I stopped 'trying' with women and think about them very little. If you know about NoFap, I do that and enjoy building up large streaks.

I know everyone else finds someone, I've watched all my friends get married and have kids, have been best man at 2 weddings lol. So this is nothing new to me mate. I do actually have female friends, have no problem getting on well with colleagues and in the past, staff (in my previous role I had 22 staff, most of which were female, obviously I got on with everyone fine - I've actually won achievement awards at every job I've had and my LinkedIn has 6 really glowing testimonials from previous employees who loved working for me and found I was a supportive boss...they happened to be female...I just want to say I am not a total monster everyone hates or something, I have good friends and good relationships with my family etc).

I have entertained the thought that there is something deeper going on, at 'energetic' levels, or within the subconscious. I am quite a practical dude and not too into the esoteric, but even I went there. Have you seen the movie Taxi Driver? In it, there is a scene where Travis Bickle is driving around late at night, and he declares: "I'm God's lonely man". When I was on Tinder for 1.5 years and looked at my screen and saw there were 6 matches, and they wouldn't reply to save my fucking life, I did have the thought that perhaps I am God's lonely man, sent here to atone for the sins of a past life or pay a karmic debt. A bit mad but I did have this thought. It was a passing, fleeting thing, and not something I felt again lol.

There is no way for me to tell you why I have ended up in the position I am in, but it's probably a mixture of: (a) being ugly, (b) low self-esteem, (c) women not having any interest in guys they find unattractive (can you really blame them?)

You made some great points and your post was valuable to me, MattsCrib. I am not able to reassure you that I will succeed or prove to you that I have any answers because I am not a guy who figured this stuff out, and women do not want to be with me. I am quit ugly and have low self-esteem. I am the last guy who can reassure anyone I will succeed - I here because I need help bro. I might as well be honest? But what I can say is I will do my best.

I know this looks negative as fuck but let's not leave it on that tone lmao!!! Can we just agree that tomorrow we will have a fucking kick ass day and crush our goals? I did fine today and don't want to end on a downer as it's my bedtime in 20 mins fuck haha.

Thanks,
MAC
 
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