Silver's Log - job interviews and fear.

Thanks for the support everyone. I'm gonna build some social momentum then try again today.
 
So I was out practicing day 17 of the approach anxiety program again, walk up to 16 women and sing them the ABC's. I'd done the first ABCDEG on an older women who didn't respond that well, so I was determined to focus on women my age. I find attractive women typically react a lot better, so I decided r to focus on them. I saw this cute girl walking along in a work uniform, and I knew I had to get in there. I walked right up to her and went ' Hey', pause for a moment until I knew I had her attention and then hit her with the full ABC's.

She looked confused whilst I was doing it, but not alarmed. When I as finished she said to me in a cute European accent. "Wow, what was that,? I know that was the ABC's, but why are you singing it?" I fed her this half lie I had prepared that in order to overcome stage fright I was told to go out to sing the ABC's to cute girls, at which point she smiled and said ' You think I'm cute?' and I put on a big smile and said 'yes''. She beamed at me and I knew I was in. I had never complimented a so directly like that before

We continued chatting for a what felt like a minute. Me from two weeks ago would have found the first chance he could have found to excuse myself and leave at that point, but I held my ground and enjoyed the conversation.

At one point I realsied I should try to get her number. I started asking if she lived around here(We get alot of tourists) and she said yes, so I asked her if she goes out often, again, yes. I SHOULD have asked her for the number at that point, but instead I said I'd hope to see her around and left.

I'm not sure why I didn't ask her for it. Maybe I choked, maybe it just didn't feel natural, I don't know, but I do know that I won't walk away form such an opportunity again.

I'm quite confident with girls who I meet through conventional means, but this is the closest I have ever been to a total cold approach. I've never properly cold approached someone since i started these drills a few weeks ago, so I am really pumped at that little success I just had.

I'm shocked at how much I have changed since I really started the approach anxiety program. I've been using the excuse of focusing on my career(even if it does need focusing) to avoid working on my game and my relationships with women, but since I started the program, I have REALLY want to get in their and meet women. I've been going out every Friday/Saturday night for drinks since I started, I'm chatty with people in the park and in shops, and I'm getting really turned on all the time. I saw a middle age women in hot pants with nice legs riding a bike, and I remember thinking how much I just want get get my cock between them.

I've don't think I've felt this much lust or Libido since my teenage years. It like going through a second sexual revolution.
 
Keep it going bro!! For real, singing ABCs to a cute girl must not be easy at all, but you finally did it! Reading your log, I can't wait to approach women again once our lockdown measures ease up :) :)
 
I've not had a chance to work on the AA program since my last post, but I am spending next weekend in Manchester. The large crowds of young people will give me the perfect chance to punch day 17 in it's big dumb face.

Also, GYMS have finally reopened! I've been twice int he last three days, and I forgot how much I loved it. I did my squats, deadlights and bench on my first day to see how much strength I've lost over the last 4-5 months, and thankfully it wasn't much. I expect it's more about getting use to the loads again, then actually rebuilding strength.

I wanted to ride the wave of social energy I have no since I started the AA program, so I went out my way to introduce myself to the gym owner and some of his key staff, as well as a one of the regulars. I've started to look at arranging personal strength training to try and push myself further than I was before.
 
DAY 17 - smashed!

Sing the ABC stack to four girls
1st girl: ABCDEFG
2nd girl: ABCDEFG HIJKLMNOP
3rd girl: ABCDEFG HIJKLMNOP QRSTUV
4th girl: ABCDEFG HIJKLMNOP QRSTUV WXY &Z!

So I decide to make this one a bit easier on myself and try it at a large city, rather than my usual small town. Thankfully, this was a good choice, girls everywhere, great atmosphere, and I knew no one was gonna remember me.

I got the first two off nice and easy, I can sing up to 'P' before they even realises whats going on. It got a little trickier after that, I stopped a few walkers who just walked of, so that was a blow to my confidence.

After a bit of a walking around, I decide to try a different approach. I started to approach girls who where just sitting or standing around. I approached them, said 'Excuse me' then slowly and confidently went through the the entire ABC's. By going through it slowly, rather than quickly they didn't seem threatened or spooked by what I was doing. I manged to speak to a few girls back to back, and before I knew it, I was half way there.

It took me a whilst to find the remaining eight, and their were a few times I backed out of the approach, something I have never done before in the AA program. I feel this is also a matter of me getting use to knowing how and who not to speak to based on appearance and body language. you start to learn who is and who isn't going to give you a good respounce based on their appearance.

I feel fantastic after completing this. It really was the 'stone wall' that Chris said it would be. I've looked ahead at the other days, and I don't think their's any that look like they will be as difficult as this one.
 
Yeah, I'm stuck facing a major decision.

I've already been identified several times as the guy who keeps asking the time in my small town. If I keep doing this I risk developing a rep as the weird guy who asks for the time and asks where I can get the Beiber haircut. The later ones, the one that actually require you too call girls 'cute' is gonna be very hard, as I can only find maybe 6 to 8 attractive girls in my town that I can approach in maybe an hour. If I have to call 100+ girls cute, then I'm going to end up speaking to the same people again and again.

I can travel to other towns, but adding an 1 to 2 hours of driving to every lesson is going to limit me to doing this once or twice every other week.

I need to consider how I'm going to approach this moving forward.
 
I think Chris does list a city in the requirements

May be wrong. As Andy says travel is an option and then smash a few days out

Otherwise you should be looking to move - which is probably necessary anyway
 
Yeah, I knew my small town was always going to hold me back when I started this job. My career plans at the moment take precedence, so I don't want to sacrifice it in order to move to the city.

That being said, I still want to improve my social skills and approach as much as possible. I need to be as creative and determined as possible to find away.
 
Have you outlined how long you're in career-precedence mode? Otherwise, that can take up the rest of your life...

And if you're going to move anyway, does it matter if you get a "bad" rep?
 
Do your sets in other towns. Rotate them. Unless you plan to leave your town of course; then who cares how people see you.
 
Sin Silver said:
Yeah, I'm stuck facing a major decision.

I've already been identified several times as the guy who keeps asking the time in my small town. If I keep doing this I risk developing a rep as the weird guy who asks for the time and asks where I can get the Beiber haircut. The later ones, the one that actually require you too call girls 'cute' is gonna be very hard, as I can only find maybe 6 to 8 attractive girls in my town that I can approach in maybe an hour. If I have to call 100+ girls cute, then I'm going to end up speaking to the same people again and again.

I can travel to other towns, but adding an 1 to 2 hours of driving to every lesson is going to limit me to doing this once or twice every other week.

I need to consider how I'm going to approach this moving forward.
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That's insane that you're developing a rep already. If I were you, I'd be careful.
 
So this is a venting post of my sheer frustration.

I have two bumble dates lined up this weekend that I was really looming forward too. I should be getting pumped and hyped for them, but Instead I’m lying in the couch with a pulled muscle in my leg.

I’ve been working out and running all week without a problem, even went for a jog this morning without a problem. I decide to go for a walk earlier today, and suddenly it felt like something had smacked into the back of my leg. I limped home, and now have my leg raised and on ice.

I am probably gonna have to cancel tonights date, but I’m crossing my fingers I can still attend tomorrows.
 
So after tearing my chillies last week I can finally walks round unassisted. I finally decided to risk an upper body session at the gym today. I decided to use the upper body work out machines to help isolate those muscles and prevent me from engaging my legs just to be safe. Not as good as using free weights, but I don't want to risk any further complications.

I did however have a great full day date yesterday. After cancelling all my dates last weekend, I managed to go to one that I rescheduled and was really look forward. I have my online dating profile set to match within 30 miles, however, their is a large town that's a good 70 miles drive. It's only 30 miles away as the crow files, but due to the awkward Welsh geography, it's a good 70 mile drive. I normally don't both matching with anyone that far away, but she was a stunner, and rather than the usual 'hey' she confidently opened with how she liked my smile. We clicked instantly so I decide it was worth the drive.

I met her at the beach at around 11AM for a full day date. I felt really tense at first, something I wasn't expecting. We talked about a lot of boring stuff, and it was worried I wasn't going to be able to escalate. Thankfully, after about two hours, I managed to grab her hand as we were walking around and we both held on tight. I felt much better from then on. It felt like I'd broken the ice and the wall of formality and had opened us both emotionally.

Later, we drove to a beach, and found a quite bench to cuddle up on and watch the sun set. We kissed for a bit and I started to escalate the best you can in a public place. Once the sun went down, I recommended we should go back to hers, but as my instincts were anticipated, she said that wasn't possible. I decide not to push it further, and as it was starting to get dark, I recommend we went and warmed up in her car. We then spent a good two hours making out in her car. She was great talker and really affectionate, but she wasn't comfortable escalating beyond kissing and rubbing.

I really enjoyed my day with her, but I'm not sure what my next step is going to be. I'm definitely interested in seeing again, but the 70 mile drive limits the spontaneous of our relationship.

Also, she said she need time before she was read for anything physically further. I held my tongue and avoided asking her why she needed time, but I assume it's due to her mental state rather than me. Any advice on what to do would be appreciated.

My goal for this week is to arrange a second date with her. I'm going to keep chatting to girls online to keep frosty, and try to arrange something more casually locally. I also haven't had a chance to continue the AA program since I smashed the big stone wall of day 17, so I'm gonna try and sneak a day of that in my schedule.
 
Hi everyone,

I found this community at the beginning of last year after reading one of Andy’s inspiring posts on reddit. I loved the people, the drive and positivity of the community, which drove me into the dating scene hard. I learnt a lot from you all, and made major progress in my personal development, however, towards the end of August, the signs of the UK enter another lockdown beckoned, and I had to put the whole dating focus on the back burner.
Since then, I’ve been focusing on my personal development elsewhere. With work, I’m now of the future leader’s course, helping me setting plans and goals to really drive my career further. Following the advice of an inspirational friend, I started journaling everyday which has helped me manage my emotions significantly. I’ve managed to pin down an incredibly strict sleeping schedule which helps me wake up energised every day.
I’ve also started a continuous professional development framework, which has allowed me to take all the self-improvement I’ve been doing the last couple of years and really organise and structure it.

With lockdown coming to an end in June, outdoor gathers will soon be allowed and I’ll be able to start dating and working on my social and dating skills again.

I’m having to with strain myself from writing a thousand words about what I’ve been doing and have planned, but I wanted to drop a post saying reintroducing myself to the group.

I have hundred posts and other news to catch up, I look forward to working with you all again.
 
Working on my social life is still on hold until June when everything opens, but I'm getting ready in the meantime.

Gyms have opened recently for the first time this year, and after being inspired by one of Andy's post, I got myself a personal trainer for the first time.
I had my first session with him last Wednesday, and by gods my legs are still killing me. I've been doing HITT to stay in shape throughout lockdown, making sure to include a lot squats and lunges to work on those lower body, they did not prepare me for what I experienced. I normally work on a 5 rep, 3 sets ratio, but he made me work at 15 x 3 at a lot lower weight. Even with the lower weight, my muscles were screaming at the end.
Still, I’m feeling very good. I am under 90kg for the first time since I started recording, and since I’ve changed my diet and had a major cut out of junk food(Two weeks and counting!), I am rapidly dropping weight. I’ve hada few comments on how lean I’m looking already, and I’m hoping to hit that 15% body fat soon

For the last month, I’ve been focusing on the lessons from “The seven habits of highly effective people” by Steven Covey. I gave the book a good once through a few weeks ago, and have since been going through the lessons one at a time, a ‘seven weeks of seven habits if you will’.

The first week was the focus on proactivity. This was mostly focusing on your own internal monologue and learning to take responsibility for things that are within your controls. I had to switch my mind set from ‘I need to go to bed on time’ to ‘I want to go to bed on time so I can smash work tomorrow’ which helped me feel a lot more in control when I was pushing myself to diet and remained disciplines in other areas of my life.

This week has been the principles of personal leadership. If habit one is climbing the ladder of success, and habit two is ensuring that ladder is propped up against the right wall. In order too do this, the book recommends taking time out to reflect and plan on what you’re doing. It also highly recommends writing a ‘personal missions statement’ that works as your personal constitute to which everything you do and decide can be compared and evaluated against.

The third week, which I plan on starting after post this, is the habit of personal time management. We are guilty of being lazy, playing to many video games, watching Netflix, but this lesson goes into a bit more than that. Not only does it teach planning for the long term, but it also emphasis focusing on the ‘important, but not urgent’ tasks. These are the activities that are not necessarily pressing or urgent but are still important all the same. Making sure your cloths are clean the night before you go out socialising is good time management, making sure your car is well maintained rather than having to fix it by the side of the road is good time management. Essentially, you want to be focusing your time on fire prevention, rather than putting out fires.

Speaking of time management, I need to hurry up writing this post! I’ve still got a good 90 minutes of reading to do tonight, and I need to get ready for work tomorrow! I’ll catch up with you all later!
 
So this has a been a strange week.

I've very motivated and focused at work, smashing it at the gym and kickboxing afterwards and I had my first Covid shot, but I haven't really had the time for the rest and reflection that I wanted.

My main aim for this week was to introduce a more effective time management system following the third habit of Sean Covey, but I didn't get a chance to fully absorb the lesson the weekend before. I am going to smash out that chapter before the end of the day, and use it to plan next week more effectively than this week.

Following some of Andy's earliest advice, I've started working with a personal trainer at my local gym. The first two lessons helpped me really improve my technique (You got to SQUEEZEEEEE!), and not I have booked him for a 1 week diety plan and 3 month work out plan. My aim is to get down to 10% body fat first, which frustratingly means getting onto calore deficiently. I've heard this can make people really tired, so I'm going to love how that feels.

I'm also THREE weeks free of junk food, and I'm finding it a lot easier than I thought I would. I no longer have the urge to nibble it when I see it around the house, but I still have those urges whenever I see a ASDA or Tesco to pop in and reward myself for whatever I had one lately.

My current weight is at 14st and 3.6 lbs. My PT recommends dropping 2 lb(1kg) a week, so I'll be aiming to hit that next week.
 
I've been smashing it at the gym this week and have been very strict with my diet. I'm down to 87.6kg from 89kg a week ago! It is a great seeing my discipline and hard work pay off. I wan tot keep this routine going, and keep a close eye on my gain progress for this month and see how things are go.

In other news, I've been working hard on the third habit of the 7 habits, the habit of time management. I set myself a weekly schedule on Monday, and managed to keep to it pretty tightly. Once things like the gym and my evening classes are in the schedule, I don't find myself trying to make excuses not to go in my head, which has really helped motivate me. I also don't find myself worry about what I should be doing, as I have already identified my proprieties for the week, and have set aside sufficient time for them.

I've also started hunting around for trinkets and accessories. Necklaces and rings, that can bring my style together. I have also started exploring how I'm styling my hair, but I'm going to explore that in a separate post.
 
Sin Silver said:
I've been smashing it at the gym this week and have been very strict with my diet. I'm down to 87.6kg from 89kg a week ago! It is a great seeing my discipline and hard work pay off. I wan tot keep this routine going, and keep a close eye on my gain progress for this month and see how things are go.

In other news, I've been working hard on the third habit of the 7 habits, the habit of time management. I set myself a weekly schedule on Monday, and managed to keep to it pretty tightly. Once things like the gym and my evening classes are in the schedule, I don't find myself trying to make excuses not to go in my head, which has really helped motivate me. I also don't find myself worry about what I should be doing, as I have already identified my proprieties for the week, and have set aside sufficient time for them.

I've also started hunting around for trinkets and accessories. Necklaces and rings, that can bring my style together. I have also started exploring how I'm styling my hair, but I'm going to explore that in a separate post.
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Hey Man

Good work on the Gym progress - also been hitting it myself this week.

Best of luck on your journey :cool:

Regards,

S.
 
TylerDurden1995 said:
Hey Man

Good work on the Gym progress - also been hitting it myself this week.

Best of luck on your journey

Regards,

S.
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Thanks, I've been hitting the gym hard in the past, but this is the first time I've done it with a PT and a good diet plan. I'm shocked how much of a difference it is making.

What are your goals with the gym right now?
 
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