Silver's Log - job interviews and fear.

I'm on holiday this week, so I have been enjoying some well needed rest and relaxation.

I am making an effort to read a chapter of 'The slight Edge' every day. I could power through it, and I might do so in a re-read later, but for now, I feel I need to take it slowly, to ensure I take in everything.

I also feel it's time to make a big change in my lifestyle and career, so I have begun writing a review of my life. I've already written one thousand words, but I feel this one might require multiple sessions to write. I have also applied for a new job. Fingers crossed I get an interview.

I'm still going to the gym reguarly, but I'm clearly my progress has definitly stalled since I started this cut. My plan is to maintain this cut thought my festivals in August, and then go back on the bulk.

My diet have been a little shit these last two weeks, I've been snacking on junk food a lot. Last weeks excuse was I feeling incredibly run down with a cold and cold sores, and this week I'm using the indulgence of a holiday as my reason to pig out. I'll allow my self a little indulgence until the end of my holiday, but after that, it's straight back to business.

One thing that caught my eye when 'The slight edge' was how it emphesised the importance of reflection. I must confess, I am terrible at this. I have tried to keep journal in the past, but I always find my enteries begin loose enthusiasum after a month or so. I need to find a way to improve this.
 
Sin Silver said:
I have tried to keep journal in the past, but I always find my enteries begin loose enthusiasum after a month or so. I need to find a way to improve this.
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Sin Silver

Have you thought about doing it as a 365 Project? I'm doing it for mine and I'm on Day 276. Amazed at how much I've learned about myself.

Congrats on the BDSM clubs too - hard to get into as a bloke I've heard
 
Spider Jerusalem said:
Sin Silver said:
I have tried to keep journal in the past, but I always find my enteries begin loose enthusiasum after a month or so. I need to find a way to improve this.
Click to expand...

@Sin Silver

Have you thought about doing it as a 365 Project? I'm doing it for mine and I'm on Day 276. Amazed at how much I've learned about myself.

Congrats on the BDSM clubs too - hard to get into as a bloke I've heard
Click to expand...

I am actually doing a 365 project of 'new music'. I'm terrible for listening to the same musics again and again, so I'm aiming to listen something new every day for a year.

I did think about a more productive 365, but I struggled to think of somthing that I could do every day without fail that would also be meaningful.
 
I’m on leave this week, so I have plenty of time to sit down and think about the direction I want to be going in my life.

The purpose of this writing is to help me set my goals for the future and to ensure that I am working towards is worth while. Not just happy with as a destination, but also happiness in the journey itself.

To do this, I’ll start with a review of where I am currently in life, followed by a discussion of where I want to be. I will be mapping this out to be critical in my process. I will look at my physical health, my mental health, my financial state, my career, my relationships, my lifestyle and my goals and aspirations. With these two mapped out and understood, I will be able to plan out my path between the two of them, ensuring that all the effort I put into improving my life is in the right direction.

Where I currently am.

Starting with a positive note with my physical health, I turned thirty four this year, and don’t think I have ever been in better physical shape. I’ve been hitting the gym three to four times a week for over a year now, and it’s really showing in both my physical appearance and energy levels. When I started working out, I wasn’t expecting the gym to become some an integral part of my life. I love going to the gym now. A few weeks ago, during a stressful meeting at work, I found myself thinking ‘I just want to get out of here and hit the gym’, a year earlier, I’d be wanted to go buy junk food or play computer games to manage stress. I’m glad such a health habit has become a dominant part of my life.

Mental health wise, I’m doing pretty good. The massive fight I had with one of my best friends last month has seriously shaken me, and is definitely contributing to me wanting to make changes. I still live with my parents, and whilst I am comfortable and happy here, I don’t feel like I am living my life to its fullest potential. My day-to-day life is fine, but I feel like I’m going to start stagnating if I don’t start working towards some major improvements to my lifestyle.

Financially, I am doing great. I am on £32k a year, and other than my student loan, I have no debts. By living with my parents, I have been saving approximately ~£500 to £600 a month. I now have more than enough to safely buy my own flat or house. The problem I am currently facing is the decision of where to buy. Do I buy where I am in the country, or do I look for work elsewhere,

Career wise I am doing okay right now. My career is what has held me back in the past and is what my decisions for the future revolve around. A brief history, 5 years ago, I graduated with my PhD. I started my first job shortly afterwards, but after a few months, I made a few mistakes, and the pressure I faced really got to me. I became really stressed, and my mental health began to deteriorate. I was asked to resign after six months. I found another job about six months later, but I was a poor fir for this company, and had to leave after only six months. This massively shook my self confidence in my career, but thankfully, I found a great jobs as Post Doctoral Research Assistant not far from my parents’ place. This Friday marks my three year anniversary working for them, so it’s reassuring that I can hold down this job.

The problems I currently face are three fold. The first, is that I can’t live in an area I want to within reasonable commuting distance of my current job. The second, is that I still haven’t shaken the self-image of being ‘unemployable’ from the last two positions, and third, I am concerned about the limited room for advancement in my current position.

Relationship wise, I’ve been doing better over the years at bonding with my friends. I feel I have grown to understand and listen to people more. Whilst I am good at attracting women and having sex, I still feel behind in the actual forming relationships department. I’ve only ever had three girlfriends, and the longest one lasted just shy of two years.


Where I want to be

I want to spend the next couple of years working on my physique at the gym. I don’t have any goals in mind, other than see how much bigger and stronger I can get every year. My only concern is that I going to the gym 3 to 4 times a week, when I think I should be dedicating some of that time to job hunting and career planning.

Mental health wise, there are two key things to consider. Frist, I want more purpose. I want to know that how I am spending my time is working me towards the future I want. Second, I also want to be able to see friends more often without having to travel miles, which is what’s driving me to look for work in a larger city.

Financially, I do want to earn more. I also want more savings to ensure that I have security. This means being smart with my money and working harder in my career to earn more. I do want to buy my own house, which means my bills will shoot up, but that’s a sacrifice I’ll have to make for financial security, as well as my relationship and lifestyle goals.

Career wise, I want to a job with more room to advancement, I also want to work somewhere where I can live and build myself a happier life. This means taking a huge risk and quitting my current job once I’m offered a new one, but I believe that’s a risk I’ll have to take.

Relationship wise, I want to focus more on getting an actual girlfriend, rather than focusing on having more sex. I’m quite confident in my ability to go out have sex if I want or need to, and I don’t think working on improving my sex life further is going to improve my overall happiness. Instead, I feel I want to be focusing more on building an intimate relationship with someone I’m close too.

With this first part mapped out, I’m going to come back later. And look at coming up with a plan of how to move from where I am, to where I want to be.
 
Sin Silver said:
I'm on holiday this week, so I have been enjoying some well needed rest and relaxation.

I am making an effort to read a chapter of 'The slight Edge' every day. I could power through it, and I might do so in a re-read later, but for now, I feel I need to take it slowly, to ensure I take in everything.

I also feel it's time to make a big change in my lifestyle and career, so I have begun writing a review of my life. I've already written one thousand words, but I feel this one might require multiple sessions to write. I have also applied for a new job. Fingers crossed I get an interview.

I'm still going to the gym reguarly, but I'm clearly my progress has definitly stalled since I started this cut. My plan is to maintain this cut thought my festivals in August, and then go back on the bulk.

My diet have been a little shit these last two weeks, I've been snacking on junk food a lot. Last weeks excuse was I feeling incredibly run down with a cold and cold sores, and this week I'm using the indulgence of a holiday as my reason to pig out. I'll allow my self a little indulgence until the end of my holiday, but after that, it's straight back to business.

One thing that caught my eye when 'The slight edge' was how it emphesised the importance of reflection. I must confess, I am terrible at this. I have tried to keep journal in the past, but I always find my enteries begin loose enthusiasum after a month or so. I need to find a way to improve this.
Click to expand...
 
Sin Silver said:
All right everyone, my names Silver, and welcome to the first of my weekly blogs. I’m going to keep these posts weekly rather than daily, so I each post has plenty of juicy content to keep you coming back for more. For the first post, I want to focus on who I am, who I was, and who I want to be in the future. I could include more, but as I review this text in Word, it is already looking like a rather beefy.

When I first drafted this post I was going to write a long sob story about the various challenges I overcame, but I didn’t want to start my first log wants to read a sob story you’ve have read hundred time. My solution to this is to write punchy bullet points of the key part of my life, like a watch mojos top ten self improvement story clichés.

• Grew up struggling with severe dyspraxia and dyslexia. Little social skills and motivation in my teens.

• At 19, I realized I had no friends when I started envying characters in a slice of life animes. So I started throwing myself into every social situation I could until I improved

• Failed a year of university as I put no effort it. I retook it as I was determined not to end up working minimum wage. I realized I enjoyed the work when I put the effort in.

• Finally lost my virginity at the age of 23 at an anime convention to a bleach cosplayer.

• I graduated uni with an average degree. As I felt I still had a lot of personal development to do, I decided to go do a PhD. This gave me a second chance at that fantastic university life I missed previously. I developed more in the following 3 years that I had in the last 25, and felt I finally like a worthy human being. I also get to make 'Pretty huge dick' jokes, which is always a bonus.

• After I graduated, thing started to go south. I got a really good job, but lost if after 6 months, as I couldn’t handle the pressure and environment. I got another job shortly after but failed again for similar reasons. I can partially attribute this to my disabilities, and partially to me cracking under pressure due to the fear of failure.

• During my second job, I lived in Manchester, UK. That fantastic part of my like, I joined a social groups through meetup.com, and I got involved heavily in the local BDSM scene through Fetlife. Sadly, I moved back in with my parents when I was made unemployed.

My struggles with work have been THE defining part of my life for the last three years. When I was in University and in Manchester, I was living the social and sex life I wanted, but my problems with work forced me into moving back with my parents. Thankfully, I managed to get career level job within commuting location of their house, but in order to save money, and to help manage the handle the pressure, I decided to continue living with them.

The new job is going well. Its had quite a few stressful moments, but I’ve handled them, and my boss has been very supportive. Living with my parents in rural Wales isn’t letting me live the lifestyle I want, but I am saving A LOT of money that’s helping me work towards home ownership.

After being inspired by reading Andy blog and everyone else posts, I am determined to get back into dating. I was slaying it back in university, and to blow my own trumpet, I feel I have aged physically and mentally well since then, so I feel I could be slaying it now if I got my own place, and got back out there.

This in mind, my absolute goals right now are
1) Excel at my career.
2) Get back into dating
3) Look after my health and looks

The career comes first. Without that, I have no independence. I spend at least 40 hours a week working, and I wont everyone one of those to be an hour I'm motivated and proud. Dating comes second, Computer games and anime are fun, but they cannot match the excitement and wonder of meeting and fucking girls. Finally, health. I already live a healthy lifestyle. Being toner and fitter would help with dating, but I’ve done quite well in the past, and I’m in better shape than I was back then.

I’m going post my plans and thoughts later, but I think a page and a half in word doc is more than enough for a first post. I look very forward to getting to know you all, and helping us to all reach our goals.
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Following what was written in ‘The Slight Edge’. I have set myself some goals that will lead me towards long term happiness. Some of these are big and specific, some of them are vaguer and smaller. As I work towards and learn more about myself and what’s required to achieve them, I will look back and readjust and change them as required.

1) Get an awesome job.
• Find a new job by Christmas
• Start looking for new work now! Work on CVs, and start Job Hunting.
• Continue my Continuous Professional Development (Prince 2) (once a week, spend 2 hours reading through Caroles notes, book time to do course)
• Get a 40k Salary.

2) Bench press my own body weight, do twenty pulls ups, and get a sick pair of abs.
• Keep going to the gym three to four times a week
• Aim to be able to do this next year

3) Buy my own house.
• After I found a new job.
• I’ll rent a flat when I start my new job, look at buying a permanent property once I have lived there for six months.
• I need to keep saving £500 to £600 a month whilst living at home.

5) Get strong, positive friends.
• Speak to more, new people at anime conventions, festivals, nights out, etc. (Do now)
• Don’t waste time talking to people who are not positive, or good influences.

6) Build a proper, lasting relationship.
• Immediate start.
• Have more patience when talking to people you like and have good values.
• Keep at it on Bumble, Plenty of Fish, Tindr.
 
So, I’ve been anxious about writing this as it’s been a whilst, and I’ve been through a lot. I missed an entry three weeks ago as I was on a dat, I missed an entry two weeks ago because eI was getting ready for a camping trip, and I missed ANOTHER entry last week because eI was so shattered.

That’s a lot of awful excuses, and if I am to take responsibility for my life, self improvement and happiness, then I need to make sure I am still making these weekly entries, even if it means making them the day before or after.

To try and make the process as easy as possible, I am going to be systemaic, and right my entries following the big six goals I set for myself previously.

That being said, let’s

Focusing on my career

So I decided I want to look for a new job. Right now, I am a post doctorate assistant, the position is comfortable, and pays well, but I want to look for a new job with better career prospect, in a more stable industry. Right now, my current job is requreing me to live in a more rural part of the country, which makes it hard for me to focus on my friendship/lifestyle/relationship goals.
I applied for two positions at the start of August, and was immediately offered an online interview for one of them. This was a lot faster than I expected, and caught me by surprise with how little time I had to prepare. Still, I was able to pass it, and I was invited to a face to face interview the two days after. This clashed with my festival and made me feel very anxious about attending. I decide that rather than attend an interview with minimal prep time and in an anxious state, I asked to delay it. They have agreed to rearrange it for two weeks, so hopefully I will be in a more positive mindset then.

Regarding the job, it is more money, but it’s in a part of the UK that’s so expensive, I expect end up taking home less after bills that my current position. I also have concerns that that the pressure of the roll won’t suit me due to my disabilities, and that I am taking a huge risk resining form my current role. However, I believe it’s in field with more job security, and better career prospects for myself if I succeed. I really want a change, so I am currently very tempted by this role.
I’ve also had an interview for another company face to face, but unfortunately I didn’t get the role. I was surprised how devastated I was after this


Physical fitness.

I quit my cut about a month ago, and am back to putting on weight. Slowly but surely my strength has coming back, and I am finally hitting the reps I was at previously. I feel physically much better now that I can eat more, and I am still hitting the gym three to four times a week

Buying my own house
See ‘Focusing on my career’ for my update on this. I’ll be looking at getting on the property ladder once I relocated.

Regarding my savings, August has been an expensive month with all the holidays and festivals, but it usually is. I need to keep an eye on the bigger picture regarding my savings

Get strong positive friends
I decided to put an indefinite distance between myself and my friend who’s screwed me over a few months ago. Maybe some point down the line I’ll be able to make up with them, but with the ongoing job hunt, I can’t afford the emotional strain.

Build a proper, lasting relationship

My mood has been very up these last two weeks. I went on Bumble and got some positive matches that I started talking to enthusiastically, however, by the next day, I had lost interest in them. I think with the stress of what happened a few months ago, and what I am going through now with the pressure from the job interviews, it has really affected my mental state. It’s very up and down, and I find myself fleeting between being interested and completely uninterested in speaking to girls.


Right now, as I right this, I can tell I have a lot on my mind. Far to much to put into one post. I am going to end this entry hear for now, less it become to long and unwieldy. I’m going to try an filter out some of the more pressing thoughts on my mind.
 
I’ve had a stressful August with several festivals and job interviews lined up. The festivals are finally over, so I can breathe slightly, but I still have some immediate job interviews I need to schedule.

My biggest goals, buying a house, focusing on my career, and building a proper relationship are all neatly intertwined, and these are what I want to focus my entries on.

If I want a good relationship, I need to be independent with a house, so I have a place to build the relationship. If I want a house, I need a good job in a good location where I can pay for it and feel comfortable settling down.

Too this end, I plan to spend at least two hours a week job hunting. One will be on Wednesday, after make my KYIL entry, and the other will be on Tuesday, after the gym. If I find a job I like, then I will up the amount of time spent on it as I work through the applications

Considering I do the gym four times a week, and two nights of gaming, it is going to be hard to slip in without making my evenings very busy or letting things poor over into the weekend. However, this job hunt is the biggest task in my way of building the life I want and is worthy of my time and attention.

Right now, I need to reschedule a job interview that I had to put on hold as it was right in the middle of my festivals. I also have another job I am looking forward to applying for. I will be focusing on that one this weekend.

Considering I’m use to posting about girls and the gym, talking about a job hunt feels a little strange. I am not sure what to talk or write about, and I’ll be honest, I feel anxious talking about it.

Not genuinely scared anxious, but the ‘I’ll find every excuse not to do it or think about it kind of anxious.’ I’ll keep pushing at doing it, the self reflection is important, regardless of how much I try to avoid it.
 
I have a job interview lined up the Friday of next week which is going to be drawing all my attention outside of work.

I really like my current job. I'm quite comfortable there, and it is a very supportive and welcoming team I am working with. There are however two problems with it.

First is that I see limited growth within the company. It's a small company, with little room to growth. As it is quite low in the league tables too, if I want to get seriously good, I need to go somewhere with better people to mentor me.

The second problem is the location. I love where I live, it is one of the nicest parts of the UK, however, I feel I have to move someone where considerably more urban if I want to build the lifestyle I want.

This job I have lined up for interview tackles the first problem nicely, but I am concerned that the location I'll be moving too won't be very suitable. It's on the commuter belt of London, which is an incredibly expensive place live. Even with a significantly higher pay check, I expect I’ll be bleeding that extra money in rent in no time.

That being said, this job is going to put my career path on the track I want to be on, so it might be worth taking on, even if I end up out of pocket.

I am uncertain if I want this job, but I do know I want to make a big change in my life, and start to feel like an adult again.
 
I was meant to attend the second interview for a job yesterday, but I cancelled it earlier in the week. As I was preparing myself for the interview last weekend, I was just overwhelmed by fear and anxiety. Despite being a pay grade up, and offering potentially good promotions, I fear the actual work might have been to high a pressure for me. The location itself would have been incredibly expensive and lonely. It was the fear of working this job, and living this potential life style that gripped me.

I told myself that despite this, I would still go to the final interview to find out what they had to say. I had nothing to lose by attending, apart from a day’s leave, and a six hour round car trip. When it came to prepare for the interview however, I was just riddled with anxiety. I couldn’t focus on the preparation and sought every distraction from it. I talked to my mum about it, and she eventually talked me down from attending the interview, stating the reasons I mentioned previously.

Now I don’t want to reflect on not going for this job. Compared to one I applied for a didn’t get early that month, this one was incredibly less desirable. I think not going for it was the right choice. What I want to reflect on is the fear I felt, and how it manifested itself in the form of procrastination. Andy said you always have to run towards fear, and I like to take that to heart. I don’t want to form a habit of backing down from something that I need or want to do, just because I have a spike of anxiety, or because my brain is looking for excuses not too. I’ve wasted a lot of my potential in life procrastinating this way. When I started to get scared about applying for this job, I remembered that philosophy. I told myself that I should put all my effort into the application, that I shouldn’t let fear control me, and that I could turn it down if I really didn’t want it if I was offered the role. However, when it came to preparing for the final interview, I just panicked.

I had an interview for a excellent role that I really wanted a few weeks earlier. I didn’t get the job, but I was incredibly motivated during my preparation. For this role however, I was just miserable and anxious during my final preparation. I think I was right not to take the role, but I am disappointed that I didn’t push through the fear and do my best for interview. Or maybe I am just beating myself up.

I am not sure what to take from this experience. Was I right not attending the interview for a job I didn’t want, or did I let fear control me?
 
Weekly update time!

Decide to get back on Bumble for a bit. I've arranged a date for tomorrow, and another for next week. I wanted to arrange that later one much sooner, but unfortunatly they are not free for until Friday. Guess I will have to make an effort to get to know them by text in the mean time.

I'm making a seriosu effort at work this week. I had an encouraging talk with my boss on Monday, which has let me refraine myself at work. I'm feeling very focused and motivated, and I want to carry that high as much as I can.

I've been continueing the job hunt, and have identified a few positions I want to apply for. I'll be doing some research, and dropping e-mails this weekend.
 
Been a whilst since my last update, but not much has been going on.

As part of my personal improvement plan, I have taken to reading books in the morning during breakfast. I use to spend this time mindlessly watching youtube whilst relaxing before work, but I can infact use this time to get a good 25 minutes of reading done per day. Repeat that 5 times a weeks, and thats nearly a 100 hours a year extra spent reading. This is what Jeff Olsen described as the slight edge, finding those little changes that stack up to make a big difference in the long run.

I am really trying to change and control my mindset at work. I want to make my career a priority more, as it will govern how I spend most of my days, and how much time and money I have outside of work too. I have done loads of different things in the past to try and improve my performance, training cources, personal development plans etc, but this is the first time I have actually tried to take control of my mindset. I want to force myself into a 'can-do' and proactive mindset.
 
Weekly log update time

Goal one: Career focus
I have prepared a CV for a job I am very interested in. I have had it read and approved by my current line manager(he’s leaving in a month, so I have been open about this), and am currently awaiting feedback from my line manager before that on linkedin.

Goal two: Gym and fitness
I haven’t been making any progress in the gym since I went on the cut nearly 3 months ago. I have been on a calorie excess for nearly 2 months, but have only put on 6 lb, and made no real gains at the gym. I think I need to really up the calorie intake if I am to make progress. I will up my calorie intake and monitor my weight and gym progress closely.
I was also struggling with energy levels at the gym, especially on legs. Following the advice of the PT’s I have slowed down my rep speed and am ensuring I hold it still at the height of every rep. Breathing deeply in on the negative, and out on the positive.

Goal three: Buy my own house
Limited by me finding a new job and moving away, see goal one.

Goal four: Make strong friends.
I went out to Karaoke last Saturday and had a great time. It’s amazing how confident I feel out socialising these days. I am trying to be a little ‘selective’ about who I hang out with. I wan tot make sure I only speak to positive people, with strong and kind mindsets

Goal five: Love and relationships
See Goals one and four
 
Monday – 06/02/2023
Identified the promising role of Multiferroic post – doc in Japan, will apply for later this week
I have drafted my CV for the **** Power Electronics role.
Got my car exhast and fillings done this morning

Tuesday – 07/02/2023
Work out – Push session
E-mail sent to **** at **** regarding the maintenance technician role
E-mail sent to **** at the one group regarind the Post Doc role.
I reviewed the power engineer role. Have Mum proof read it tomorrow and send it off.

Wednesday – 08/02/2023
Rest day from the gym
Arranged a phone call with **** tomorrow
Made edit to the power engineer CV, still need to wait for Mum to proof read it.

Thursday – 09/02/2023
Had a phone call with ****, she will present my CV directly to them
Had my hair cut after work so no gym.
Mum proof read my CV for the power engineer role, but the position has been removed from he website. I have e-mailed them directly.

Friday – 10/02/2023
I have been invited to a phone call with **** to discuss the **** role on Monday
No Gym due to gaming in the evening

Saturday - 11/02/2023
Gym – Legs- good session, got two more reps on squats
Tried to revise for the nexperia role, but I struggled to focus.

Sunday 12-02/2023
Gym – Pull
No job hunting activities, I decide to give my mind a rest.
Thoughts

I’ve had a very strong can-do attitude lately which is allowing me to really put my effort into this job hunt. One of these roles consists of a three-year placement in Japan, which is as exciting as it is terrifying. The phone call with **** has hinted that there is going to be an upcoming first stage phone interview that I need to start preparing for. I expect that will be what keeps me busy after work for the next couple of days.
 
Monday – 06/02/2023
Gym Rest day
I had a phone call with *** of *** regarding the GaN role. She promised to speak to the hiring manager tomorrow regarding it
Spent the day after work preparing for a potential interview

Tuesday – 07/02/2023
Gym: Back
I sent follow up e-mails top *** and *** regarding there respective roles
I spent an hour preparing for the *** interview

Wednesday – 08/02/2023

*** informs me that the hiring manager is on holiday for two weeks, so I am not expecting to hear back from them until the start if March. I will not spend any time preparing for *** in the mean time.
*** reported back negatively regarding the *** role, and *** is still waiting to hear back regarding the CDT role.
Gym: Rest day

Thursday – 09/02/2023
Gym: Push
I’m on holiday tomorrow, so I decide to take it easy tonight and get in the swing for the long weekend.

Friday – 10/02/2023
Gym: Legs
Took it easy as I’m on holiday.

Saturday - 11/02/2023
Gym: pull
Spent an hour searching for new job adverts to investigate next week.

Sunday 12-02/2023
Rest day, no job hunts, or gym
Thoughts
I spent two afternoons preparing for a potential *** interview which hasn’t come to fruition yet. It might have been time wasted, but hopefully it will still come through in March. Better safe than sorry. I still need to follow up the *** role with ***, I’ll send her an e-mail after writing this. I need to make a habit of checking the *** roles advertised on their website frequently, I also need to set up notifications for *** website.

My focus this week will be on identifying new roles to apply for. I need to expand my search and start looking for roles that I wouldn’t have previously thought about.
 
Monday – 20/02/2023

Gym – Missed Gym today as I was sick the previous night, only had three days.
I sent an e-mail to *** Regarding the Japanese RA.
I also sent an e-mail to Rhys regarding the semiconductor role in South Wales

Tuesday – 21/02/2023
Good sym session, I managed to hit 10 x 72 kg reps on the bench
No job hunting work

Wednesday – 22/02/2023
Rest day, unfortunately I fell ill.

Thursday – 23/02/2023
Should have been in the gym, but I was ill again.

Friday – 24/02/2023
I managed to fell asleep after woork today. This bug is still persistent.

Saturday - 25/02/2023
I went to the gym in the morning, and had a ‘deloaded’ work out session, with only 60 % my maximum weight. Not the best type of work out for making gains, but it was very good for my mental health
I spent an hour looking for jobs to apply for. One company was very promising but was not currently recruiting in my field, I’ll make a note to look at their website regularly in the future. Two of the roles were promising work wise, but were not in parts of the country that I want to work in, which goes against my goals behind the search.

Sunday 26/02/2023
I took it easy today, started off with the gym where I made some fantastic progress on the back exercises. Taking a week off the gym definitely has it’s benefits in terms of gains.
I didn’t take my headphones like I normally do to the gym to see if it improved my focus and mindset. I feel it definitely helped, as I was a lot more focused and relaxed afterwards. I want to keep trying this to see if I can improve my mindset.

Thoughts
I didn’t get much done this week due to being sick, but I feel it’s finally passed. I was really frustrated at first, but I was able to go easier on myself when I realised was physically sick.
I don’t have any on going job applications, so I need to keep searching for them. I want to expand my search not just include the obvious thin film and semiconductor applications. **** never got back to me, so I am going to give him a call tomorrow lunch time.
 
Monday 06/03/2023
Gym session: Pull
Started bicep curls at 17kg today.
I digitised last weeks diary entries.
I’ve made a note to try and be more mindful at work. I need to stop letting my mind and focus slipping
I’ll focus on the job hunt tomorrow, I need to follow up with *** and ***.

Tuseday 07 / 03/ 2023
Work left me feeling very stressed and frustrated today. I was planning to spend an hour job hunting, but instead ended up going for a walk to try and shake off my fustration.
When I got home, I sent off some follow up emails , but avoided doing any real work. I focused on some of my miniature painting to try and relax.

Wednesday 08/03/2023
Gym: Push
I got replies back from Nexperia and Zener Diodes
**** unfortuablty is on a 4 week hiring freeze. I’ll make note to contact them again after 4 weeks.
**** at *** select says they have reviewed my CV, and will hopefully have news later today or tomorrow.

Thursday
Evening off today

Friday
Evening off today. I felt very frustrated during the second half of the work day. I need to push myself less there.

Saturday
Gym Legs:
I woke up feeling very stressed. I took my headphones with me to the gym, thinking that would help, but that didn’t improve my mood. My mood got better towards the end of the day once I had a chance to relax.

Sunday
Gym: Pull
I had an amazing pull session at the gym this morning. Stark contrast to yesterday legs session. I spent an hour job hunting, and found a position I’m interested in, but it quite different from what I have been looking for previously. I’ve sent off a e-mail to the agent looking for further information.

Thoughts.
I had two instances last week off my mood turning really fowl due to work. I need to reflect on why this happened, and what I can do to stop it happening again. I have not been spending as much time as I would like on the job hunt, I keep taking comfort in the idea that something is coming in the pipeline, and not putting any effort into the hunt. I need to stop this, and spend more time job hunting, I’m wasting to much of my life.
 
Monday – Friday
I’ve been failing to make entries during the week So I am posting them here as a single entry. I need to develop a habit of making daily entires
After spending the week speaking to an agent, I have managed to arrange a phone interview for a role next week. I need to start preparing for this phone interview now.

Saturday 18/03/23
Gym : Push
I slept terribly the night before hand, so I had a deloaded work out
I spent two hours the during the day preparing for the interview

Sunday
Gym:Legs
Another deloaded day. Not exactly a good work out, but it’s great for my mental health. Not taking my head phones is helping me with my head space too

Thoughts
MY main goal for this week will be to focus on the job interview. I need to becareful and not burn myself out. Trying to do written work at home after work is always a really challmeg when it come sot keeping my focus.
 
Friday 24/03/2023
The first stage interview went very well. The job is both exciting and terrifying. I need to think really hard if I want it. I left for a wedding shortly after the interview, so there won’t be any entries until I return.

Saturday 25/03/2023
At Wedding

Sunday26/03/2023
At Wedding

Monday 27/03/2023
I struggled to sleep last night. I was okay during the day, but I felt really anxious about work. I was definitely not looking forward to nervous about it in the morning, and I didn’t have much energy to talk to my co-worker on the way to work.
I started the day very nervous, but during the second half, I started to relax once I started to make progress on the report I’ve been avoiding.
I also contact my agent about the engineer job, hoping to arrange a second interview.
After work, I went to the gym and had a good push session. I’m still thankful to this day that I took up the gym, it has boosted my mental health many times during stressful events.

Tuesday (28 /03/2023) to Monday 03/04/2023
No activity due to being away on holiday

Tuesday 04/04/2023
Day of my the second stage interview for the service engineer role I woke up feeling a little rough, but I took some pain killers and powered on through. I did a covid test after a bunch of the people I was hanging out with other weekend got it, but the test turned out negative.
The interview went well. I hit a stumbling block when she asked me about my previous experience with electronics, but I couldn’t come up with a great answer on the spot.
She also asked me about why I left my first job, which was due to mental health reasons. I think I handled it okay, applying the STAR method, and tried to be honest, but explain how much I have developed since then.
I was feeling really poor after this, so I just went for a walk, and enjoyed the rest of my day off.

Wednesday 05/04/2023
I rang up the agent regarding yesterday’s interview. I unfortunately did not get the role. Apparently the other candidate had much better existing experience, so I don’t think I would have gotten the role, regardless of how well I prepared.
It was a massive disappointment, as I really had my mind set moving on from my current role. I was feeling very shit, and went for a walk with my dad into town to talk it out.
He offered ot take me to the Mario Movie afterwards, which was incredibly thoughtful of him.

Thursday 06/04/2023
Woke up feeling absolutely shit today. Took a Coronavirus test this morning, and unfortunately, it turned out negative!
I spent the rest of the day recovering, it was really hard to focus on anything

Friday 07 /04/2023
Still in recovery, the corona Virus can Fuck off.

Saturday 08/04/2023
I was still a short of breath and on pain killers, but I went for a massive two hour walk. The sun was out, and it felt great being outside. I didn’t even take my headphones, I just enjoyed the peace and quite.
I really enjoyed today, despite still having the virus. I didn’t do any of my reading or personal development stuff I wanted to, but I am glad to have really focused on my mental and physical health today.

Sunday 09/04/2023
Same as yesterday, I went for a big walk in the sun without my headphones on. Not having them on really helps put my mind at ease and rest, I need to get into a habit of doing it more often.
I started reading the ‘The Eighth habit of highly effective people‘ again, but I felt very anxious about reading it.

Maybe because its about ‘finding your voice’ which is something I am struggling to do right now, or maybe because it is a hard book, and I failed my morning reading habits last time I took a crack at it.

Monday 10/04/2023
I went for m y first gym session this morning. It was only at ~80% maximum weight, but it still felt great. I tried to go for a relaxing walk afterward,s but it was aboslutly pissing it down, so I didn’t enjoy it as much as I did the previous days. I hope I can get a good one in tomorrow before I return to work.
I plan to try and get one hour of job hunting in today. I wish I had the energy / motivation to do more. It’s exceptionally important.

Thoughts
I feel very defeat on the job hunt at the moment. I need to find a way of pushing through this anxiety.
I feel very refreshed after my holiday, and getting to spend time in the sun. I am dreading going back to work and returned to my old negative mindset. I really wish I could maintain it more.
 
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