Year in summation | 2020
Covid shit on my mental health and I've been doing worse mentally than ever before, since I can ever remember.
Weekly breakdowns feeling worthless and utter self doubt.
It's weird though, up until the past couple of weeks after talking to a friend, I didn't really realize that Covid has likely been a large factor to why I'm feeling like this.
Silly, I know.
I just thought I was mentally fucked and needed to seek a therapist/counselor (I still think I need to see one). But what changed for me wasn't from working in an office to working from home, I already do that. And that's likely a benefit for a lot of people that have never worked from home. I went from having an outlet away from home, which is essentially my office to not being able to go out and do fun things with friends. If I did go to see friends then some people around me would criticize me. I think the Covid shit is so stupid it baffles me and I wish politicians weren't just hitting a panic button and telling everyone to stay inside, forcing businesses that are people's life work go bankrupt. It's fucking sad.
This year I wasn't able to:
Start the business I was planning (dependent on marketing at festivals which is completely shut down)
Compete in bodybuilding: You don't want to know how much money I spent on that show just to have it shutdown. Then to see another show 1 month later go through that organizers told me was likely going to be cancelled too. THEN to see people that didn't look nearly on my level win was just yanking the blade they already inserted into my dick.
I got denied into the US: Likely not Covid related but it was my one "holiday" I was going to be able to take this year, and instead I'm stuck in shit ass Ontario.
Anyway enough of the shitty stuff, but I just needed to get that off my chest. Cause fuck, some of that shit had me in tears, literally.
The GOOD
- I made the most money I've ever made in one year. No, it wasn't business related but my job earned me the most I ever have, which is awesome and will allow me to buy this new camera and lens before the end of the year.
https://www.sony.com/electronics/interchangeable-lens-cameras/ilce-6100
https://www.bestbuy.ca/en-ca/product/sony-sony-e-mount-18-200mm-f-3-5-6-3-lens-sel18200le/10383196
This means I have no excuse but to start putting out at least 1 prank video out per week starting in 2021.
- Despite spending thousands of dollars on my prep before it got cancelled, I looked fucking incredible. I put some fitness models and bodybuilders to shame despite using minimal dosages.
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- I'm moving away in April to a really swanky ass apartment in a big city where I'll be able to collaborate with bigger Youtubers and have all the nice scenery I could ever want. I think this will help with my mental health a lot since I've hated living at in my hometown for the past 2 years that I've been back.
- I hit 320 subscribers which is far from my goal but I'm still proud of that. If you put 320 people in my house right now, you'd have one massive rager.
- My work is buying me a $6000 setup that will make working online more efficient and allow me more time to put together more videos.
If there's one quote that I've read recently that has helped me the most it's, "You've survived 100% of your bad days, you're doing great"
That's right, I've been down right suicidal and I'm still here and kicking ready to slap the world right back in 2021.
I was meant for this shit and I want to prove that I'm ready to take what's mine.
None of this is COVID's fault or the politicians fault, it's my fault. Only I can take the blame for letting all this affect me the way that it did.
You have full control over how you feel and think and I chose to feel shitty.
Shit happens and it's how you overcome that adversity that makes you a real man.
I'm looking forward to making 2021 the best it can be and ready to drop kick the fuck out of any adversity that comes my way.
Hope you guys had a great year and adapted a bit better than I did.
Happy 2020 and Happy New Year.
Love you guys.
Peace