Upstart's AA Program Log

[Upstart]

JULY 12th DAY 67 (of 90)​

I went out for a quick 20 min walk and said hi to a couple bouncers. one I knew and one I didn't. Then came home.​

I realize that my social activity comes and goes in waves. one day I'll be on, the next I'll be off, it's not exactly robotic like that, but you get my point.

I want to approach like a machine, but sometimes I just need to stop for a second and reset.

JULY 13th DAY 68 (of 90)​

So I took a break this weekend.
I had work early mornings, but that's not exactly why I took a break.
I can't properly tell when my social battery runs out. But social tiredness feels much different from physical or mental tiredness.
I just feel less inclined to go out and interact. I consider going to work and interacting being "out" so I'mma called it for the night and daygamed on Sunday.

JULY 14th DAY 69 (of 90)​

I only talked to one girl with a tattoo, there were very few other options around, but this was the only one I felt brave enough to talk to. She was def overweight, but not ugly or anything. She was my age and we had a nice convo about her tattoos and their costs.

Before her, I had asked two store clerks for directions and told one lady her shirt looked nice. I went to two different grocery stores then went home.

What I've Noticed about my Life...​

I've come to realize that there's no way I'm attaining fame, money or status at a young age. Not in my field of work.
It finally settled in, the lesson of slow and steady wins the race.

My goal is to finish these night game drills before the end of the year and to be able to go out alone during day or night to approach. Then I'll be master of both worlds, so to speak.
Well, intermediate level at least.

I can now approach during daytime with little anxiety, next step is to master night game and then afterwards explore ways I can approach girls in a variety of settings, in sets of 2, groups, at the beach etc.

I actually feel like I'm in the middle of becoming more excited to go out and try to make something happen vs being more excited by the internet. I'll explain in a bit.

I'm so glad I'm not bound anymore by my desire to get rich and famous young. I had no idea how much that line of unconscious thinking was running my every action.

I remember feeling that because when I was in pain and anger all of last year, I wanted nothing more than to get rich so I could pay my medical bills and to get famous to show off to everyone who doubted me.

Turns out, no one really cares, and there are payment plans to medical care.
All I really wanted was time to pursue my sexual goals anyway, and now I have it.

Now I can go at the pace I want in regards to my career and not fast-track myself to burnout.
I don't want to be one of the chronically online dudes living life through a drip feed of content someone else is experiencing. and that's the part I'm in between now

Breaking the habit of being online vs going outside.​

Here's what i mean:

Going online will give you instant gratification, but it's hollow inside. You can be endlessly entertained, but never start a meaningful relationship.

Going outside is anything but instant gratification. You want girls, friends, and relationships but all of that takes deep work in the beginning and lots of work on oneself. There are no easy wins. No easy sexual options, but
the better you get at it, the more you get out of it. And the deeper and more enriching you experience life.

That's what I'm caught in the middle of.
Going outside is barely eeking out results and I'm getting better at talking to girls, but I still don't have enough results to be more satisfied than the instant gratification of being online.

Yet on the other hand, being online is MASSIVELY starting to lose its luster. I could really give a shit what's happening on there. Sure, there are things to grab my attention, such as business tips and art tips, but as soon as I master the skills of day and nightgame, I'll be going hard in the paint outside, then the internet will be relegated for it's former purpose, simply for research and work.

I imagine my experience of life itself will be much more engaging and interesting than anything I could do online.
Actually, i feel that once I learn these basic skills of approaching and talking to strangers, the whole world will open up to me.

From there, I just want to explore some fun hobbies and activities and build a nice personal life with friends.

Beats running around grocery stores all day.

I'm reading this book called People Skills by Robert Bolton to learn how to be more assertive instead of waiting on people or avoiding them. I'm not afraid of confrontation, and I've done that A LOT in the past, I just don't know how to do it in a way that is win-win for both parties and not an attack on their personality.

I feel like working on my communication skills, expressing myself authentically and unapologetically, and getting my sex life and confidence handled is far more important to me than money or fame.

I thought the money and fame would be a means to that end, but they're not.

Slow and steady wins the race.

 

[Upstart]

JULY 21st DAY 76 (of 90)​

Not much has been going on in the past few days.

• I've been working.
• Doing deep introspection.
• And approaching when I can.

The girl who gave me her insta last time was warm over text, but I asked her out twice she's been too busy both. times. Fuck it.

Haven't had much motivation to swipe dating apps, so I haven't.
In fact, I'm going through a motivation transition phase right now. At least, that's how I describe it.

Let me explain:​

I realize I'm happy now. I have more to be thankful about than not.
Life's good. My set up is good, my car works, my family is good, my friends are good, and I never go hungry.

When I realized that, I was no longer convinced that there was something better waiting around the corner if I just sacrificed today. It's like the source of my motivation switched.

Does this mean I'm giving up the pursuit of women?

FUCK NO. Wtf, gtfoh if you think I'm giving up.

I just bought several books on personal and professional communication that have already skyrocketed my confidence when talking to people.

I realized that my main source of motivation before was all the stored up resentment from my past. Whenever I felt slighted or trespassed against and didn't stand up for myself in the moment, that anger would get stored in a bank of fuel for my goals and desires. Almost as a passive aggressive way of getting back at everyone.

I would get rich and famous and get lots of girls to show off to everyone.
I'd finally become confident enough to be myself without restraint, when really, all I needed to learn was assertive communication skills. I had no idea about that until I started reading this book called People Skills by Robert Bolton. Now I have tools for what to do when I feel disrespected or slighted. I don't have to store all that anger anymore.


Which is what I mean by the transition of motivation. That energy bank has run out, so now it's as if I don't have the motivation to do anything as I did before. That inner anger is dying out, so I'm not forced to move by it anymore, which has caused a great relaxation in my efforts. I don't feel the need to prove anything to anyone with as much fervor as I used to have.

I still want the things I want. I still want to accomplish what I want to accomplish, but I don't need to force myself to do it on my short timeline, or while I'm young. I'm willing to take as long as it takes to accomplish my goal.

Two notable interactions this week:​

I spoke with a pretty sad guy about his recent separation from his wife, he was looking through relationship books for answers at a bookstore I frequent and we had a decent discussion. I used the tips I learned in the People Skills book and didn't try to advise him. Instead, I simply told him what I did in my situation and recommended The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi for him to read. Hopefully that didn't make things worse. I almost wish I got his number just so I could see how his story turned out. He has a kid with this woman.

second.​

After learning a lot from the People Skills book, I felt bold enough to approach with full confidence this girl waiting for a walk light. My go-to joke in this situation is to tell the girl to walk across while traffic is going. She smiled and we had a little conversation. I didn't display intent or tell her she was cute or ask for her number, but I was happy with how naturally I was speaking to a complete stranger.

I also went out saturday night and got myself acclimated to the night scene again. I said hi to 3 girls confidently, so I'm ready to complete the drills next week hopefully.

In the meantime, I've bought a whole bunch of books on communication and self-esteem so I'll be working through those over time.

I'm going to develop a daily communication routine to practice speaking and emoting so that when I go out. I'm good to go,

this includes:
push ups and sit ups and pull ups to jumpstart my physiology
vocal exercises
Breath work
free association speaking for 5 mins
Emoting and gesturing in a mirror
meditation for 5-10 mins

Yes, it looks and feels robotic. But I'm at wits end here, I got nothing left in my toolbox besides going out more and practicing/training like an athlete at home. Maybe I'll get back on apps this week.
I blew my haircut budget on all these self help books anyway.

 

[Upstart]

JULY 31st DAY 86 (of 90)

I passed week 3 of the Night time Approach anxiety drills!

Here was the fit.



Besides work and gym, I didn't go out to approach this week. I've been outside of my house every single day per the 90 day challenge, though.


I've been in writing mode all week and now I have an great draft for a reboot of a comic I'm making.

Other than that, I was practicing my assertion skills at work. I have to get comfortable with not being very liked.

I think I'll get back on the apps, but I have a very busy business-focused time coming up and my 90 day challenge is almost over along with Summer.


On one hand, it feels like I wasted it chasing after women with nothing to show for it. I don't remember having much fun. Or hanging out a lot.


On the other hand, regardless of the results I spent this summer exactly how I wanted and overcame a lot of personal hurdles, did my first ever cold approaches and made a new friend. We watched Deadpool vs Wolverine the other day.


It's very easy to slip into thinking everyone has it so much easier than me or is luckier than me, but then I remember how fortunate and grateful I am to be in my current life situation.


I have no money, but I also have no kids, no wife, and no real responsibility to anyone but myself. On days when I'm not working, I'm free to create art, approach girls, do whatever I feel like doing. Though I do stay away from video games.


Maybe I just need more friends or people to tackle this journey with. It's easy to try it alone, but hard to find the motivation without a buddy. I need to find more guys in the San Marcos area willing to go out there with me.

My 90 day challenge is nearly over, but that doesn't mean I'm done here. I've got a lot of reading and practice to do and I'm willing to go as long as it takes to make this work. I really want to see the kinds of things Chris (GLL) and Andy, and Owen Cook (RSDTyler) have seen.


I want the kind of dating life I can be satisfied with, but I realize with this as with maaany other things that have happened with me, (including career, spiritual life, and my physique) that if I'm working really hard for a difficult and worthy goal, it often takes me much longer, happens much slower, and when I least expect it.


But it works 100% of the time, guaranteed.

 

[Upstart]

AUG 2-3rd DAY 90 (of 90)​

I went out for probably the last time in a while.

And it was a great send off too, because it was a culmination of everything I started this journey with this year. I went out with my new friend (and his girlfriend), who I met at the beginning of this summer, the night was super packed with tons of opportunities, and I got to use everything I had learned by going out alone with the night AA program.

THE FIT:


I actually spoke to more girls than I anticipated since I was out with friends.
3 sets of 2 girls each:

The first 2 I talked to were fat, but pretty. I wasn't trying to hit on them, but I was interested in the object on her arm. She told me it was a diabetes monitor for her pancreas. I told her it was dope because it made her like a cyborg. She smiled, we talked a bit more and I bounced back to my friends.

Next two sets we shorter interactions, but I probably covered them in the video.


My main point for this post is that I probably won't be getting laid for a while. Nothing happened this summer despite my best efforts. I feel like I wasted the entire summer chasing girls and almost none of it was all that fun. It always feels like a trial by fire, and I know the results will be well worth it one day, but for the time being, it just feels like I'm lost.

It feels like I'll completely miss the boat in my twenties and will just have to trust that my 30s will hold the experiences I'm looking for.

I don't have the money or time to devote to dating as I did at the beginning of summer. And it feels like I'm getting cosmically cock-blocked anyway.

If stuff was supposed to happen, it would have happened by now, guaranteed. I can always tell when something is supposed to happen because it becomes easy and natural in its occurrence. When it's not meant to be, it doesn't matter how much work I put in, it just won't happen for whatever reason God makes up.

Which means I was meant to learn a different lesson this time around.

• I've definitely upped my mental self-confidence.
• Learning about ASSERTIVEness as a skill has been a MAJOR turning point in my life. (I'm currently reading through the ASSERTIVENESS WORKBOOK. I can't wait to set more boundaries and not be as passive as before.
• My communication skills are WAY stronger than before
• I can actually go out and approach women anytime I want.

I can tell that I learned a bunch of soft skills that will percolate into the hard skills of actually getting girls in my bed someday, but for whatever reason, despite my very best efforts it just didn't happen this summer.

My focus has shifted. Before it was:

Dating ==> IMMERSION
Business ==> MAINTENANCE

Now it's back to:

Business ==> IMMERSION
Dating ==> MAINTENANCE

I'm more than a little disappointed. But slightly relieved that I don't have to compulsively go out all the time.
For the time being, I will focus on doing little things I can to keep developing my social skills on a low level so I don't lose everything in maintenance mode.

Things like vocal exercises, going out on weekends, working out at home, reading all these dang self help books I got. And really preparing myself for the next open window I have to go all out on this practice.

If I can somehow make my business into a full time or even part-time income by next summer, I think I'll have a good foundation to start dating again, but without money or time at the moment, dating is the least of my priorities if all I want to do is have a bunch of sex.

But that ain't gonna stop me from going after a layup when I see one.

'Til next time, fellas.

 

[Upstart]

FINALLY got my first date after a 2 YEAR dry spell.​

More specifically, I actually got my first date since June of last year (with the 35 y/o single mom). I had a total of two dates last year, neither of which went past the first.

In December, I decided that for 90 days I would go on nofap & practice my social skills and keep going out until I got a date from cold approach.

I read RULES OF THE GAME by NEIL STRAUSS and didn't use dating apps due to my dismal results from before.

The results:
I racked up 9 more approaches.
I cut the no fap at day 46 (I'll explain!)
Got back on the apps.
Got my first date within the same week.

I made two changes to my profile and that made all the difference.

I removed 1 photo which I knew was a hinderance and added another which I knew was better.

Then I shortened my bio and removed some prompts. I'll post the pics later.
Right now I'm considering getting a photoshoot done to replace more of the photos.

I've been killing it with my weight loss goals. I'm at 193 almost back to my favorite weight range around 187 -185lbs. I'm 6'0.

And all I'm trying to do at the moment is get laid no matter what (by lowering my standards at first).

The girl I had a date with is not a looker. But she's all I've got for now. We go on our second date on Sunday. She's 31 and I'm 28. Heavyset, black.

But I do have one phone number from Okcupid. And another girl interested from Bumble (I've never gotten results from that site).

Both of them are waaay cuter than I'm used to and I think if I smash them, my confidence will skyrocket. It might be worth investing some time into getting good at online dating. So far, I'm decent at texting and setting up dates.

And right now, I'm surprised that I'm getting these matches after months of trying and failing.
I almost totally gave up on dating apps, but now it feels like I'm doing something right.

I'm don't know exactly what I'm doing right, but I also don't want to fuck it up, so I'll be happy with what I've got for now!

Daygame results and frequency was severely lacking and if I didn't fire up the apps again, I'd be cooked.
Now it feels like I'm playing with two hands instead of one. I approach girls and use the apps as well.

I feel like getting at least one lay will allow me to get some confidence back.

This 90 day challenge ends on March 1st. The goal was to get one date, period.
So the rest is gravy.

I consciously ended the nofap on day 46 because it was having an adverse effects on my daygame.
I set overly strict conditions for myself .

Basically I said, I MUST get laid from daygame or I will continue nofap for another 90 day period. I am not allowed to fap unless I've had real sex by then.

But this put UNBELIEVABLE pressure on each interaction with girls as I was thinking "Will you be the one to break my streak??"
Even though it gave me the added energy to keep going out, I was seeing diminishing returns after day 30. After jerking it on day 46 I was able to relax a bit and think straight again. Now, I just limit it to once a week and that works well.

For a whole month I did Psycho-Cybernetics meditation to get good at game and money.
I've been talking to myself in a mirror, practicing speaking, practicing my smile.

So much so, I've felt like a weirdo for doing this stuff, but to get what very few have, I have to be willing to do what very few will.

And lastly, I've decided that no matter what, I won't let this momentum die down again ever.

I've been out of the game a good 2 years and getting pussy from scratch is insanely difficult even knowing how to do it. The game's meta rules change constantly, but the fundamentals remain the same.

If I need to find new ways to make money to support this lifestyle I'll do it.
Anything but going back to a sedentary lonely life.
I had all but given up after the dismal results of last year. I stopped trying 100%.

I'll never put myself in a position like that again.

So this time, I will continue without stopping and do whatever it takes to get laid and KEEP getting laid until i get sick of it.

I'll keep y'all in the loop, I've actually been journaling to myself for the last 60 days so most of my progress is already documented in some way.

My goal this year is to rack up at least 450 approaches, be able to pull from day game AND night game, have a thriving online dating profile and sex life.

Let's get it.

 

[Upstart]

I- I CAN'T DO IT.

I can't keep seeing this girl. She's just too negative.

We're taking a hike on a nice trail. See a cool stature made of rocks and metal
Me: Whoa, that's a cool statue.
Her: I'm glad you think so, because that statue is shit. The artist should feel bad for making it.

Me: Wow, they've got a nice park here, too.
Her: I've seen better.

Me: This lake looks awesome, I should dive in, haha.
Her: It has parasites.

FUCKIN' HELL.

I know I'm down bad (possibly horrendous), but even I have limits. Should I just plow through & continue seeing this beeeitch, until we fuck? Even though it's an obvious mismatch?
Even Andy said his self-esteem took a hit when he slept with girls who he didn't actually like.

The least she could be is NICE.
She's 2 in looks and keeps talking down at me, just because she's older (by 4 years).
She's also horrible with money & very secretive about how she got into massive debt.

And that's not the worst part,

When I went in for a kiss, she gave me her cheek.
The Neeeeeerve lol


So I dunno. It's been two dates and two times I had to travel 50 miles to meet someone. I think I might cut my losses here. If anything, to save on gas. I won't text her until she texts me.
If she doesn't, it's over.

Then I called up the much cuter girl from Okcupid and set up a date for tomorrow. Instantly way easier to talk to and I'm hoping it goes well.

BUUUUT she's texting me now, saying that distance is an issue since she doesn't have a car. Sent me a whole paragraph.

I sent one last hail mary text.
No reply yet. The date is set for tomorrow evening. We'll see where this goes.
Not holding my breath.

 

[Squilliam]

She's 2 in looks and keeps talking down at me, just because she's older (by 4 years).

She's a 2?

Lmfao this girl sounds insufferable. Sounds like you answered your own question.

 

[Kovarik]

I met a couple of girls that were like that and I'd say it's not worth putting effort into it. Even for sake of getting laid. There is a tone of nice and kind girls out there that appreciate things.

 

[Upstart]

BOOM.

The Hail Mary worked NIGGA!!!
This text is from right after the previous one.

She even apologized for it on the date!
I'd consider this an intermediate level shit test. So'd say I'm about that level in text game.


I learned a lot from PLAYING WITH FIRE text breakdowns from Alex. These are immensely helpful.
I've internalized a lot of the concepts, so I'm able to text without being needy, a weirdo, or a creep.

Which she was definitely testing for with that text she sent.



Our date went well, much more chill than the nightmare from yesterday. SHEESH!


Honestly, she was the cutest girl I've taken out up to this point so I was a little stunned at first. I spent my day at work simply trying to get over my nerves of meeting this girl. I had so many limiting beliefs running around in my head, but I finally caught the two main culprits.

• The belief that I need her sex to validate me
• The belief that I'm not worthy of her.

Both of these insidious, disgusting beliefs were the cause of my worry, so I rooted them out to get back to baseline.
After that, I didn't really care how the date went, as long as she didn't flake!

She's 6'0 (my height), slender, white, with brown hair.
In math terms, at least 6 points higher than the last girl.

But I made sure to keep eye contact, incorporate touch and seed the next date possibility before the end. No kiss, just a hug.


But there is a bit of a curse with these types of girls.

White, brown-haired girls are actually really into me (since I was a kid), but they usually go out with me only once. Then for one reason or another, there's no second date.

The first girl, I dated once at school, we kissed at the end of the first date and that was it. Maybe she thought I was moving too fast.

The second, was a girl from work. She said I was too old for her. She's 18, I'm 28. I'd still do it, but to be fair, I did think she was 23 when we met.

Maybe this new girl will break the curse.


Even if we don't go out a second time, I'm banking this as pure EXP.
I won't put my hopes up. Nothing is guaranteed, but I'm glad I went.
I'm already texting the next girl.

And if I DO end up tagging her, even better.

If we do have a second date I'll go for the kiss then.

I've heard kissing on the first date is a no-go if you want to get a second. It somehow ruins the sexual tension.
I'll just go by that rule of thumb for now and see how that works out later.

She's a 2?

Lmfao this girl sounds insufferable. Sounds like you answered your own question.

Yup, pretty much! I told her to text me when she got home. She sent no text, and I ain't reaching out!

I met a couple of girls that were like that and I'd say it's not worth putting effort into it. Even for sake of getting laid. There is a tone of nice and kind girls out there that appreciate things.

For real! On that note, It's not even a matter of her being "fat" or "ugly". It's that she's not nice, kind, sweet...or grateful!

Owen Cook/RSDTyler says, "The Self is always shining through" so even an ugly girl can be beautiful in her own way.

 

[Upstart]

LAY REPORT​

Nahh, just kidding.
One of these days, tho.


It's been a whole day since the date. The girl has not texted back since last night, but I'm used to her taking at least a day to respond, earlier on the app, she'd take 2.




In the last message, I hinted at a future meetup. I was talking about teaching her how to skate during the date and seeding it as a future activity. So I'm gonna wait two more days before I hit her up again (3 in total). Possibly with a meme implying she died or something. If she takes the bait, I'll set up date two for Sunday.

It's kinda like playing chess.

On the other hand, its understandable to expect a long paragraph explaining why she's not that interested.

In which case, I'll push a little bit for another date.
Then if that doesn't work, simply ask her for feedback I can use on the next girl.

MIND GAMES​

In my head at work today, I was feeling needy as fuck, thinking "I NEED her to text back".
Those are my default instincts talking.

I had to spin out of that mode of thinking so I went on search and destroy mission for the root thought causing my worries.

It was: "I'm afraid of losing this girl, because I won't get someone as hot as her again for a LONG time."

That thought was running everything, and once I rooted it out I was able to replace it with a more interesting thought:

"How would I feel if I had unlimited options, just as hot or even hotter than this girl?"

That thought attracted more and more thoughts like it, and I was able to spin out of the worried state and into a more relaxed state.


I'm still snapping my head to my phone every time I think I've got a text from her, so my fingers are crossed, but I'm mostly detached from the outcome. Either a date happens, or it ends here.


I'll simply wait it out.
Because this could be another shit test to see how needy I actually am.

I mean, I'm thirsty as fuck, but I know better than to give in to chodey feelings.


In the meantime, I want to improve my photos so I can get better matches, but I need to work with what I got for now.

OTHER DATES:​

• I called another girl for a date, but she'll be legitimately busy till Sunday. I told her I'll hit her up around then to set up a date for next week. She pretty fat, Black, and goes to church. Time to farm exp lol.
• I also have a nurse I've been talking to. She's been sick or busy with kids, each time, But I'm hitting her up in a few days to set something up.

TIME-WASTER​

I also rooted out a time-waster today. I matched with this girl on Hinge a year ago. Very noncommital, and didn't try to meet up even after giving me her number.

We matched again on Facebook dating this year. (Almost completely useless app. Use it if you want to chat without actually going out with anyone. )


We had a days long convo, I noticed the answers were similar to before, so I looked a Playing with Fire vid on talking to uninterested girls, and he broke it down into two categories, "time-wasters" and "interested, but concerned/busy."



I lightly called her out on it and tried to address her concerns. She reacted negatively at first, but then lightened up after I joked a bit.

Then I went for contact details again.
Another non-commital response. I didn't reply for 30 mins, then she unmatched.

I knew it.

And I still have her number from last time, but I won't contact.
No point.

Shoutouts to PLAYING WITH FIRE for the tips!

 

[Upstart]

DATING PROFILE POST:​

This is my current stack of photos on all (relevant) dating apps.

So far, this gets me absolutely ZERO results on Tinder, so I'm looking to change these soon.
These pics are the same across all apps, but tend to do better on the others.

RESULTS BELOW

• Tinder: I've gotten ZERO responses, not even the likes behind a paywall, (what gives?!)
• HINGE: a couple responses, but not much different to Tinder
• BUMBLE: Two hot girls texted me. But before I could get their numbers they dropped off, I'm going to reengage them in a couple days. Honestly I NEVER got results from Bumble in the past.
• OKCUPID: I got my first super cute date from OKCUPID. Starting to think it was a fluke!
• BLK: I got my first date in months with a cruddy older girl from BLK. Though girls tend to be highly responsive on there.
• Coffee Meets Bagel: got into contact with a couple Milfs on there.
• Hily: Almost nothing of substance.
• Badoo: Same
• POF: Almost always Trans or nothing
• Facebook Dating: Less than nothing. Nobody is actually trying to meet up on there.

I was actually pretty happy with the influx of responses in just 2 weeks of coming back to the apps this year. Compared to 2022 when it took 4 WHOLE MONTHS to get a first date and an eventual lay.

These are far and away better results and I only changed a couple things:

1st, I removed this cringe pic and replaced it with the glasses pic:

I also removed all the tryhard prompts on my profile except for the most interesting one. And I put 6'0ft front and center and simplified my bio.


It seemed to be a feast at the start, but now it's a famine and I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel again. It's like the apps put my account on the floor after the first couple weeks.

But I do wonder if this is the average result on the free version of the apps.

So I'm dedicating the next few weeks to upgrading my profile pics and making 1% improvements to my bio.
I might hire a photographer and see if I can find a cheap DSLR on facebook marketplace.

​

Will SPRING come early or will it be WINTER for the next 6 weeks?​

Tomorrow, I'm going to send a text to the cute girl I went out with on Monday just to see if I can reengage her and take her out again.

I'm at a nexus point of sorts. If she responds and we end up hooking at some point, my confidence skyrockets and I can use a combo of cold approach and the apps more effectively.

If she doesn't respond, or rejects me, I go into 6 weeks of improving my profiles so I can get better results and try again with some new girl.

Today, I trained my mind even more to get over the hump.
I tried to think of reasons why I wouldn't or shouldn't like this girl. These thoughts were completely new to me.
Something my mind hadn't even considered due to blind lust.

She has the trifecta of noticeable trauma red flags :

• Piercings, nose ring, lip rings, etc.
• Tattoos
• Constant drug use (she was smoking a weed pen on the date)
• And bonus, she practices some form of witchcraft.
• Also a world traveler and nude art model.
• Ironically, no noticeable daddy issues, she mentioned him fondly.

These, in and of themselves, aren't reasons I'd reject her, but are reasons I wouldn't commit.
It may even be a blessing that God would keep her away from me.

Basically, I flipped the dynamic around in my head from needy to skeptical.

My goal, as always, is to get the ball rolling by getting laid ONCE. It can be ANYBODY.
Then:

• Use the confidence from that lay to approach more girls in Day game
• Get laid more.
• Get good at night game
• Then be fully rounded and keep up this lifestyle for as long as I can.

 

[Upstart]

It worked, She replied.​

I was excited and nervous, but I knew if I gave it at least 3 days, I could reengage and not show neediness.
I wrote a combo of pretending she died (which could be a metaphor for ghosting), and subtly negging her.
Alex calls this a Takeaway apparently one of the most powerful ways to get a girl interested again.

I didn't need to watch a vid to come up with this one. Good texting discipline just sinks in after seeing good and bad examples over time.

• Anyways, I knew the meme text would be good enough bait to hook her back in.
• The following text about the spell, references our convo on the date.
• I knew I had to follow up with a non-"yes or no" question or the convo might dry up.
• If she takes a day or two to respond, I'll see about setting up a time to meet on Sunday or Monday which is when she is free.
• If she doesn't respond by at least Sunday, I'll playfully "call her out" or do a takeaway joke, then try to set up a date if she responds.
• If she responds today or tomorrow, I'll just proceed with a normal convo and try to set up a date on one of her free days.

I STG it's like chess.

And I hate it!
Honestly this is like pulling teeth. Let's just fuck already! I'd hate it less if I had more options, but alas.
My text game is not the best and this is the warmest lead I have currently. I hate the waiting game, but I'm trying to push this as far as I can.

In the meantime, I went out to try daygame afterwork, I only talked to a couple employees and asked a girl for the time.

I'm starting to take pics of myself. I want to make a 1% improvement everyday so I can eventually set up a much stronger Tinder profile. I need to keep pushing.

No, I'm not using this on my profile!

My tendency is to try to do the best possible photo right off the bat, but if just get in the habit of snapping photos of myself, (like girls do) I should get some high quality ones eventually.

Thinking about getting a DSLR with a tripod and timer, that OR taking some better photos with a paid photographer.

 

[PinchePendejo]

I’m really liking your log. It gives me GLL vibes of just putting in the work. Very little “woe is me” and if there are setbacks you acknowledge it, ruminate on it for a bit, and then move forward.

Ultimately, yes you wouldn’t give a fuck about the current hottie you’re talking to if you had more abundance. Honestly in the future if you keep improving, you’ll even question why you were even looking her way.

A tip for setting up a date is to set up the next date while you’re actually with the girl. It makes planning way easier. Plus it helps set a baseline of her interest level based on her response to it in the moment.

Your online dating profile needs work. You appear too nice guy and definitely need some edge and sex appeal. Have you considered growing a beard? That can add more masculinity to your look. If you can’t then try putting minoxidil on your cheek area to facilitate growth.

Also how is your hair? Can you experiment growing your hair out? The buzz cut could make girls think you’re balding, which puts them off.

 

[Zug]

The DSLR is a waste of time. Yes, the quality of all your pics could be improved, but the technical improvement is the least important part.

Your profile doesn't tell an interesting story. Right now, it just communicates you're a moderately uptight guy who's pretty boring. I'm not saying any of this as an insult. If you were food, you'd be chicken breast and rice with no seasoning. I don't care how good the macros are, I don't want to eat that shit. The girl you described sounds like some 2am McDonalds, may be terrible for you, but people love going to McDonalds.

I am not telling you to be McDonalds. Work on becoming steak with mac & cheese (okay the metaphor is running away into nonsense land).

Stop mean mugging the camera in EVERY photo. Guys can definitely be overly smiley and come off weak, but there needs to be at least 1 or 2 photos where it looks like you're having fun. The story needs to include some element of you're fun to be around.

The story also needs to include some element of darkness. Romance novels are about vampires, werewolves, and bdsm billionaires. They're not about accountants, yes-men, or dudes who are super into Microsoft flight simulator, but never flew an actual plane.

Add some edge. If you try to appeal to everyone, you will appeal to no one. If no one finds you offensive, then you have nothing worth saying. I don't know what edge looks like for you. It can be things like extreme sports, enjoying activities that involve substantial risk, high level competition, mastery in some form of novel sex, challenging the status quo, fighting authority. These are all common male tropes. If you don't have them you can learn them, but not all of them resonate with every man.

Stop being scared of rubbing strangers the wrong way. If only 1% of women find your profile attractive, you'll be swimming in women without end. Go do whatever it is that you want to do that sounds intriguing, scary, but that you're worried about doing and won't give yourself permission for. This is me giving you permission to go do it in a non idiotic way. Take it seriously, do your best to not hurt anyone, and try to get good at it.

If nothing comes to mind, then go through my list and pick the one that sounds the absolute scariest or the most distasteful, then go do that. Even if its not for you, you'll learn a whole lot about yourself and have some interesting stories people will actually want to hear on a date.

Your look kinda-sorta reminds me of Phil Ivey.

 

[Upstart]

Let me tell you a little secret...​

Ever since I was little, confrontation scared me.

To the point where if I was confronted or called out, or had to stand my ground, tears would well up in the back of my eyes, my legs would begin to shake, and my breathing would get uneven.

It still happens to this day.
In fact, it happened today.

And yet I still won.

Here's what happened...

My boss came up to me, demanding unnecessary tasks again, trying to control me and my crew. Out of all of them, I'm the only one who bothers standing their ground.

Last year, he was much more mellow and hands off. Great to work with. Chill.

Now he's switched up. Making more demands than necessary.
This guy is shorter than me, balding, on anti-depressants, and obviously on a power trip.
Probably has a greeeeat home life.

I could call him out on every single one of those points, but I don't.
That would be mean & uncouth.

Instead, I used what I learned from the ASSERTIVENESS books I've been reading. People Skills, by Robert Bolton and The ASSERTIVENESS WORKBOOK, by Randy J Paterson.

These two books have massively transformed the way I communicate because they've given me TOOLS to use when I actually get into those situations.

The tears, shaky legs and irregular breathing is an almost completely involuntary fight or flight response. I kept away from people for years because I was afraid of being confronted, then crying front of everyone, especially the heauxs!

Everyone knows you can't cry in front of the hoes.

The reason I'd feel so defeated when walking away is because my first instinct is to crash out & use violence on anyone trying to make me feel small or less-than. It's usually (internally) smaller people who try my patience. People who have little self-respect or esteem, trying to make me feel what they feel.

I'd feel defeated, because I knew if I crashed out, I would just use violence on them to make my own ego feel better. Because whenever I walked away in the past, I would ruminate on the memory, beating myself up for my own failure to stand up for myself, knowing I could've just beat up the problem. I would torture myself with these thoughts. I thought of it as a mental punishment for being weak.

Most times I held back because I was simply physically stronger than them. Most bigger guys (bigger than me anyway) definitely don't go around antagonizing people, swinging their weight around just because they can.
They know better than anyone, there's always a bigger fish.

But smaller guys tend to have insecurities which they project on the those around them.

Anyway, I used what I learned in those books and in Crucial Conversations (a book highly recommended by Owen Cook), to "seek first to understand, then to be understood."

In the heat of the moment, I felt all my fight or flight response symptoms, and told him I didn't agree with what he was doing.

After a back and forth with him (the fucking boss) I said, "We'll talk about it later, because you're doing too much right now."
Put my hand up and went about my business.

For context, I've been working this dishwashing job for 3 years, and he was just placed in a position above me last semester. I know the inner workings of my team, and he just keeps butting in to "assert dominance".

I worked there long enough to have a strange sense of ownership over what I do.

I had to think quickly in my mind what my assertion statement would be and how would I approach talking to him.
I still felt the fight or flight response, but after taking a moment away from the cause of it, I could breathe and let the symptoms subside, seeing the situation in an objective manner.

Later, he called me into his office and we talked it out.

I didn't have to use any insults, negativity, or cursing to get my point across. Because I had at least thought out my response beforehand, I was able ask for his reasoning behind things and clearly state my own. We came to a mutual, albeit, tenuous understanding.

But I didn't have to get fired for crashing out, because I had the tools to stand on business--the right way.

Read these books if you have similar problems in your own life (and love life).

Within the four communication types: Aggressive, Passive, Passive Aggressive, or Assertive...

...I used to fall into the passive/passive aggressive range, using backhanded tactics to get my way or relieve stress. But when I realized years ago that that's not how a man should conduct himself, I started making the switch to the Assertive style, which I didn't know there were books about until last year.

I thought the only options I had were to continue to be ineffectual or weakly assertive, or be an aggressive dickhead.

Assertiveness is the best middle ground for nearly all cases.
_________________________________________

Pic for the day:​

That's a sexy man right there, I tell you hwhat!


Update with the girl, sent a couple texts to the girl, at this point, I'm simply running persistence game like Alex (Playing With Fire) teaches. It's my best chance getting anything at this point.



I think my texts are alright, I don't seen any massive flaws which would get me cooked immediately. But there hasn't been a response since I sent it, so the wait begins anew. Luckily I have other girls showing me interest right now.

In fact, I already thought of a possible reply to her next message.

If she asks a question about the "way to relieve stress" I'll say:
"You have your magic, I have mine."

Yeah. I'm a genius.

....juuuust need her to reply

I STG it's like a video game, though.​

When I went out with the toad girl for two dates, I was waaay over-leveled for her. I could destroy her in a single hit. She was level 2 (SMV)

Now this current one is just a level slightly above me and I have to fight for it.
She thinks, is he really at my level? Or just a pretender?

Both, bitch.

Lets say I'm a Level 6.5-7, SMV-wise,
and she's a Level 7.5- solid 8.

I can fight her, I can slay her.
But it's taking all my brain power, will power, mana, STR, DEX, INT, & LUK.
Could I retain her? Probably not for long.

I could be cooked, but if I win, my mind may instantly realize I'm an 8. The exp points accumulated will change my neurochemistry to Level 8 instead of 6.5-7 even if my outward appearance doesn't change.

My fucking attitude will.

This happened to my younger cousin. More on him later, but lets just say in DBZ terms, if I can go Kaio-Ken right now, he can go Super Saiyan.

Two.

So I'm playing catch up with this nigga and I taught him everything he knows!!!
But not everything I know.
Still, I'm proud of him.
I may have mentioned him in the past, but he's one of the reasons I'll never give up.

Ultimately, yes you wouldn’t give a fuck about the current hottie you’re talking to if you had more abundance. Honestly in the future if you keep improving, you’ll even question why you were even looking her way.

Your online dating profile needs work. You appear too nice guy and definitely need some edge and sex appeal. Have you considered growing a beard? That can add more masculinity to your look. If you can’t then try putting minoxidil on your cheek area to facilitate growth.

Hahahaha! I had a good laugh at your profile name, it's great!

Thanks man, I'm trying. It's sometimes hard to imagine a future of that much abundance. I feel like I'm in a maze trying to see this girl and I can't see the exit. I feel like solving this puzzle will open a lot of doors, though. And yes, I made sure to seed the next date idea during the first one

And THANKS for the profile critique. I've been hoping someone would say something.
I had a feeling I looked too nice, especially with the white shirt pic, which might be my best, but makes me look like a church boy.

Def gonna keep updating these!

 

[Upstart]

The story also needs to include some element of darkness. Romance novels are about vampires, werewolves, and bdsm billionaires. They're not about accountants, yes-men, or dudes who are super into Microsoft flight simulator, but never flew an actual plane.

Bro said I look like unseasoned chicken!!

Jokes aside, THANKS man, I really never thought of my profile as a story. Such an interesting way to look at it. I'll save the money on the DSLR and really dedicate this next few weeks to crafting some photos that really have some sex appeal.

I have briefly thought about going to Fetlife meetup in my area, but I'm nervous about who I'd meet.

 

[Bman]

I have briefly thought about going to Fetlife meetup in my area, but I'm nervous about who I'd meet.

Wait, aren't you in Austin? DM me and I can tell you which meets will be worth it and which will be duds. I recommend going with the intention of not necessarily meeting women, but instead getting comfortable with being openly sexual and expressing your sexuality.

Also are you using Hinge? Best app for Austin imo.

 

[Upstart]

I've Been Doing Something a Little Dangerous...​

I've been pregaming before going to bars. I drive myself there.

I take about 4-5 shots of whiskey and vodka before heading out, just to get a bit of a buzz, then drive about 4 mins to the downtown bar scene in my area. Then I'll take one more shot before leaving my car.

By that point, I'm just out of my head enough to approach random strangers with some degree of ease.

Tonight, I even bought a $3 shot at a bar and bantered a bit with a couple girls.

I know this is dangerous, but I'm tired of going out, walking around and achieving nothing.
I never get full on drunk, but having used Owen Cook's no drinking policy for years, I figure I'd at least see what it was like to actually drink and go out.

It's helping a bit, but I always have the fear of hitting someone with my car.
I've heard of Kratom as a safer alternative, but I dunno yet.

I've Always Felt on the Outside of things.​

I'm a writer and an artist, so I watch things by nature.
But because of this, I've always been more of a wallflower, sitting on the outside of events, parties and get-togethers. I can mingle with family and friends, but it's harder to do with strangers.
I'm gotta find a way to put myself more in the midst of things .

These past few days (and months really) have been an intense practice in active state control. Forcing my mind to think positively despite not getting what I want.

There's always a path forward, just have to thread the needle.

MAYBE I SHOULD LEAN INTO THE ANIME THING​

After getting some feedback on my dating profile (thanks guys!), I feel like I should lean into my natural personality instead of trying to hide it.

I wrote a post last year describing my actual personality and what I'm generally like, but I don't know how to make anime come across sexy on my dating profile.

My guess is wear an anime shirt. With some jewelry. Doing something interesting, maybe just one or two photos hinting at it.

My style is very basic, tbh.

I wonder when all this stuff will just click for me...

STILL ON READ...​

As for the girl, still no message, but I'm more or less over it. I'll keep persisting, but I'll never get needy or butthurt.

Right now, dating is like a second full time job.
Not only do I need to keep moving constantly, I always need to keep my mind clear of weeds (negative thoughts about failure, desperation, loneliness, etc.).

I know what I think is sexy about me, but I don't know what girls find sexy about me.

I may have to get a new job soon because of the boss situation. But at least I'll finally make more than $13.50 an hr soon.

I think having access to more money would skyrocket my results, not even that much more money, just enough to do more interesting things, pay for better photos, coaching, etc. No doubt it would accelerate my results. So far, I'm dating in the slow lane.

Wait, aren't you in Austin? DM me and I can tell you which meets will be worth it and which will be duds. I recommend going with the intention of not necessarily meeting women, but instead getting comfortable with being openly sexual and expressing your sexuality.

Also are you using Hinge? Best app for Austin imo.

For sure, man! I'm a bit wary of coming across some real deviants, but no risk no reward.
I am using Hinge, but I seem to get less results than I used to.

 

[Red]

I've heard of Kratom as a safer alternative, but I dunno yet.

What about phenibut?

I have never done it myself but from what I remeber that was the GGL recommended alternative to alcohol.

@Holden has done it. I think so.

 

[Squilliam]

What about phenibut?

I have never done it myself but from what I remeber that was the GGL recommended alternative to alcohol.

Would definitely be cautious with it. It's addictive and builds physical dependence. Much like Kratom.

If you're gonna take it, make sure it's in moderation.

But it is similar to alcohol, they both act on the GABA receptors.