Vic's Progress Log - What’s wrong with my Hinge profile?

[Vic]

Squilliam Loki’s guide was made for not having to use another device. But yeah it would ideally be better+new SIM card.

I can’t find enough evidence that says the apps track IMEI. Ofc the companies may not be too transparent about it but likely users would figure it out.

MisterE most likely the location nonsense I pulled is what fucked it up. I was on campus when I hit enable location. In my banned account I had my university there and I guess in my new account since I also had it there it tipped off the system to ban me.

Since I’m not verified I need indicators that still show I’m a real person so I don’t get reported and I figure putting my university in my info should help.

I’ll check the data thing cuz that could be a good tool.

I had hit “allow once” while I was at that far out location and I was fine but every time I opened the app again I had to hit that button.

I think that may have set off the verification puzzles. And not to mention Hinge was just fine. My tinder ban triggered my hinge ban.

Also on the topic of photos I used outtakes from my previous shoots that I never used before. I was thinking I’d replace them with my metadata erased+slightly rotated old photos little by little to not tip off the system again.

I looked into number services and yes I agree that a new sim or an actual phone number would be much better. At the moment datingzest is considered one of the only good ones. I am getting a new phone two months from now and I plan to use a different phone number so if all else fails right now I’ll just wait. I could also just use my moms phone number while she’s not near her phone.

 

[Vic]

2/27

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 0/3
->Today's Calories: 2029cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 66g
->Today's Protein Intake: 128g

 

[Vic]

2/28

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 0/3
->Today's Calories: 1632cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 65g
->Today's Protein Intake: 65g

Notes:

Research has been taking up a shit load of my time as of late. Did some more work and at most I got like one 20 minute breaks in a 5-6 hour period. I had my Mol Gen exam and I don't think I did well. I did around 13 practice quizzes since most have told me thats the best way to study for this class' exams. However on the real thing the questions I got covered topics that weren't explored much on the quizzes which pissed me off. Of course its fair game to ask those topics as this module did cover it but none of the quizzes mentioning some of these topics is fucking wild.

Been getting a few more matches off Bumble but they are all still incredibly cuck. I don't know why Bumble girls are the only ones who give me shit for wanting to schedule a date quickly. I can't win. Either its I get shit for scheduling fast or she stops responding after a few texts. Some mid to less than mid white girl literally said that I am out of her league so I think getting her to fuck will be easy but no she's all "lets talk a little more". I don't have any patience for women right now, like just hop on my meat already and shut the fuck up.

Diet and sleep have been slightly better this week, though I felt extra tired because there was a tornado warning that woke me up at like 5AM.

It feels very concerning to me how much headspace trying to get my Hinge/Tinder unbanned is taking up. I don't think I am prioritizing much else as well and I think mentally I won't be as at peace until I find some solution to this.

I was tryna cook up some ideas of a complaint to send to the BBB. My biggest opp is if this chick who reported me says some shit in her report about how I made her feel unsafe. So the objective now is to gaslight the BBB and Hinge. I talked with ProgressEvolution and he came up with the story to say she is mentally ill and that I thought I was walking into a normal date but she insisted on doing more. Basically a whole bunch of yap about how I was the victim. Then I can follow up with how much I liked the app and how i was gonna pay them money. Also add in a section about how if they want to keep mentally ill users who will harm other guys on the app who may pay money too.

Hopefully it works.

 

[Squilliam]

Some mid to less than mid white girl literally said that I am out of her league so I think getting her to fuck will be easy but no she's all "lets talk a little more". I don't have any patience for women right now, like just hop on my meat already and shut the fuck up.

Dude, this attitude is awful. I used to have a similar attitude and in hindsight I realize how toxic it was. Let me just tell you from experience, that looks and sexual availability have not much of a correlation.

In my experience, some of my easiest, and best lays were from girls who were attractive. Whereas the chubby or unattractive girls often would either be cuck or put up a lot of barriers.

You have to realize that unattractive girls get pumped and dumped more often, and they are often the subject of more sexual messaging too. So as a result they're usually more guarded. She said herself you were out of her league. This proves my point exactly. She is (correctly) doubtful of your intentions because of the SMV disparity. You're quick to assume she's cuck, when in reality, she probably wants to see that you will actually show interest in her as a person, and not just as a meat bag. "let's talk a bit more" is a cuck signal but there are some girls who genuinely are hesitant to just meet a stranger immediately.

Women are people dude, not sex objects. This attitude of, I only want a girl for sex because she's not good enough for anything else, is not going to get you far. In my experience, the best way you keep girls is by building a relationship, mind you by relationship I don't necessarily mean a long term serious monogamous one, but rather just a series of interactions that don't only consist of sex, and actually involve an emotional connection.

Unless you really just want a one night stand. But I think generally speaking, girls don't really want an ONS. Most girls don't want to just increase their body count unless they feel it is worth it.

With regards to your Hinge ban, I would try hard resetting with a new device. The BBB thing most likely will not work.

 

[Vic]

Some mid to less than mid white girl literally said that I am out of her league so I think getting her to fuck will be easy but no she's all "lets talk a little more". I don't have any patience for women right now, like just hop on my meat already and shut the fuck up.

Dude, this attitude is awful. I used to have a similar attitude and in hindsight I realize how toxic it was. Let me just tell you from experience, that looks and sexual availability have not much of a correlation.

In my experience, some of my easiest, and best lays were from girls who were attractive. Whereas the chubby or unattractive girls often would either be cuck or put up a lot of barriers.

You have to realize that unattractive girls get pumped and dumped more often, and they are often the subject of more sexual messaging too. So as a result they're usually more guarded. She said herself you were out of her league. This proves my point exactly. She is (correctly) doubtful of your intentions because of the SMV disparity. You're quick to assume she's cuck, when in reality, she probably wants to see that you will actually show interest in her as a person, and not just as a meat bag. "let's talk a bit more" is a cuck signal but there are some girls who genuinely are hesitant to just meet a stranger immediately.

Women are people dude, not sex objects. This attitude of, I only want a girl for sex because she's not good enough for anything else, is not going to get you far. In my experience, the best way you keep girls is by building a relationship, mind you by relationship I don't necessarily mean a long term serious monogamous one, but rather just a series of interactions that don't only consist of sex, and actually involve an emotional connection.

Unless you really just want a one night stand. But I think generally speaking, girls don't really want an ONS. Most girls don't want to just increase their body count unless they feel it is worth it.

With regards to your Hinge ban, I would try hard resetting with a new device. The BBB thing most likely will not work.

Thanks for calling me out on this Squilliam . I realize when I wrote this I was just generally very angry with my circumstances. I have kind of cooled off now but I need to do more inner work as well as moving shit around so I can make more progress to my goals.

I have always been told "lets talk a little more" meant more timewaster/validation cuck but if that is truly not the case then Ill just have to keep moving with this.

I don't think of women as sex objects but I guess when I am pissed my mind goes "I will only be less pissed if I get *insert thing*", whether thats money, sex, etc. If anything I do want to know more about them.

 

[Vic]

2/29

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 0/3
->Today's Calories: 2080cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 67g
->Today's Protein Intake: 137g

 

[Vic]

3/1

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 1/3
->Today's Calories: 1994cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 71g
->Today's Protein Intake: 123g

 

[Vic]

3/2

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 1/3
->Today's Calories: 1780cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 51g
->Today's Protein Intake: 118g

 

[Vic]

3/3

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 1/3
->Today's Calories: 1610cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 87g
->Today's Protein Intake: 92g

Notes:

Haven't been talking as much on my log due to just trying to process my emotions. Couple of days ago I radiated a lot of anger in my log and I realize how bad that was. I don't want to be on here whenever I am angry because I know damn well I could end up taking it out on someone when I don't mean it.

I have sort of cooled off now. I went for a run with my friend on Friday at a nearby park and then we made some spicy cheesy pasta together which we both loved. I was having a pretty shitty Friday but us hanging out made me feel better.

I think I understand though quite well why I feel so fucking shit as of late. Its because I was making progress towards my goals but fell stagnant due to life circumstances.

With dating I finally created a new deck of solid photos that got good scores on PF and were considered good by some members here. My match quality went up and so did the quality of the girls I was going on dates with. Then all of a sudden I get banned from Hinge and Tinder. The only "active" app I can use is Bumble and it is a ghost town compared to those two. I went from like 2 dates a week to no dates so far in the past two weeks. I get some quality matches off Bumble but its not enough to generate a good amount of dates from. It also pisses me off that the members of this forum give me such great feedback but I can't implement it because getting dates off a dead app is like pulling teeth. You literally can't buy this kind of feedback anywhere. I do have a date tomorrow though so I will go all out with what everyone told me, take all the risks. Over text she has great energy so hopefully it carries irl.

With tutoring I had two clients and was making money. But then both of them suddenly ghost me and I am making literally no money. The only offers I am getting want me to help them cheat on their exams/homework and I REFUSE to do that. I am not risking my career for that.

And then with fat loss I was losing a lot of fat which was awesome but then I started getting more agitated and my cravings for certain foods became very very intense. I started slipping back into binge eating behaviors and got pissed off at myself for it, which didn't help it just made things worse.

I talked about a large portion of this with my mom and she was saying I shouldn't be so hard on myself and that we all have times where our progress becomes slow. I was saying some shit about how I felt I haven't achieved much 2 months into 2024 as I set these goals as 2024 goals. She also said I have 10 more months to make these happen. It is true though I have become stagnant, its kind of like I took two steps forward but one step back. But at least overall it is one step forward.

I am gonna change my approach towards some of my goals. For the dating app shit the weather was amazing today and I took a bunch of photos. Since I might not ever be able to use my old photos again I worked on taking some new ones today. I got like two which I liked more than the ones in my old stack. PE threw them into faceapp and was very pleased with the results. I still need to sit down and write out my BBB complaint to see if maybe I stand some chance of getting my old account back. Otherwise its back to hard reset. I wrote out a short guide as to what I need to do to fully hard reset and I wrote notes of shit to avoid so hopefully i don't get sniped again. I realize though I am going back home for spring break so likely i will use my mom's phone number while she sleep since i know her passcode.

For fat loss I am gradually raising my calories so I can continue to shave off some extra fat for a while and eventually start bulking at a slow pace. I will also keep going to the gym, slacked like hell on that this week. Fuck I also just remembered I haven't been taking L-citrulline at all lately cuz I ran out of my old jar. I am gonna go pick up another one. Kinda pricey though, but it makes working out more fun so price is justified. I am still kind of struggling with the diet but making my cut less severe over time so I can break this shit cycle feels like a better solution than always just extreme cutting.

Tutoring I was talking with fodu and he said that going directly to university students unless they are explicitly seeking a tutor is not the best idea because they don't have as much spending money and it would be a better investment to go seek out parents who are concerned about their child's performance in a class. They have money to throw at their kid's education. Now I just need to go seek out said parents.

 

[pancakemouse]

Sounds like you need to start cold approach.

 

[Yggdrasil13]

Honestly man I agree with your mom. Granted, she has no idea what it’s like to be a young man on Tinder, but she’s right that you are taking the ban too hard. Loads of guys have had to deal with it. And while it’s frustrating, it’s not like it would take years or a Herculean effort to get around. It’s just a pain in the ass. More broadly, 2 steps forward one step back is how most people make progress tbh. That’s certainly been my experience. Sometimes it’s 2 steps forward, 4 back when things really go wrong lol and then you have to dig out of that.

If I were you, I would just focus on what it takes to circumvent the ban, even if that means getting a new device/number. And I would get started on it immediately if you are financially able. Do the BBB stuff at the same time if you really want, maybe it works out, but I suspect neither the BBB nor Tinder give a fuck about a male user of Tinder being treated unfairly.

I also wouldn’t spend any time worrying about if you reach your dating goals in 2024. You’re 21, you literally have years to figure this stuff out. If it took you to 2027 you’d still be in a decent place. There are guys who start at 25, 26, 27, 28, etc. I wish I was where you are at 21. And I’m not saying it should take you years to reach your goals, I think you’re close now, just that it will take as long as it takes and it’s not worth worrying about. Do the most you can and what happens, happens.

 

[Vic]

Honestly man I agree with your mom. Granted, she has no idea what it’s like to be a young man on Tinder, but she’s right that you are taking the ban too hard. Loads of guys have had to deal with it. And while it’s frustrating, it’s not like it would take years or a Herculean effort to get around. It’s just a pain in the ass. More broadly, 2 steps forward one step back is how most people make progress tbh. That’s certainly been my experience. Sometimes it’s 2 steps forward, 4 back when things really go wrong lol and then you have to dig out of that.

If I were you, I would just focus on what it takes to circumvent the ban, even if that means getting a new device/number. And I would get started on it immediately if you are financially able. Do the BBB stuff at the same time if you really want, maybe it works out, but I suspect neither the BBB nor Tinder give a fuck about a male user of Tinder being treated unfairly.

I also wouldn’t spend any time worrying about if you reach your dating goals in 2024. You’re 21, you literally have years to figure this stuff out. If it took you to 2027 you’d still be in a decent place. There are guys who start at 25, 26, 27, 28, etc. I wish I was where you are at 21. And I’m not saying it should take you years to reach your goals, I think you’re close now, just that it will take as long as it takes and it’s not worth worrying about. Do the most you can and what happens, happens.

Yeah and I am not 100% sure of this but likely the location mishap is the reason my hard reset didn't work.

I haven't been getting much money so I won't be able to buy a new device until I graduate. I do have alternate REAL phone numbers I can use to avoid the apps flagging me for virtual numbers.

BBB only has a 10% chance of working, I am not going to count on it although I hope it works.

I don't necessarily have any big 2024 dating goals. Really it was just improve photos to improve match+date quality and so far I have done that but I can't continue unless I fix my current situation. I am happy with my improvements so far but I crave more and know I can do more.

 

[Vic]

Date Log: Bangladeshi Piano Girl from Bumble

I showed up a bit early this date and she showed up kinda late. I unmatch her on Bumble right as she walks in to avoid a possible report. I greet her with a hug and she receives it well. It doesn’t look as if she is trying to pull away. I say nice to meet you. She’s wearing a frilly pink dress, makeup done, and some nice accessories. I tell her that her outfit is cute and she says the same to me. She’s pretty petite and has a nice body.

Immediately after she glances at the menu she asks me if the place has Wi-Fi. I deflect and say yeah but we have to order first (the boba shop employees only give you the password if you order first). So I just ask her how her day was. She said busy and then brought up how she has something at 6 and another obligation at 8 so that’s on her mind. We set this date at 5 and I’m thinking “ah shit just great, can’t pull today”. I just tell myself to focus on my other goals for the date and implementing the feedback y’all gave me from my past dates.

We decide what to order and I pay for our drinks. I grab the receipt cuz she reminds me about the Wi-Fi thing.

Fuck it, I call this shit out. I didn’t want to pussy out and be someone she can roll over. I said to her “don’t tell me you’re gonna be on your phone the whole date”. I honestly don’t know if this was a good callout but I said fuck it because I REFUSE to be a pussy. She’s like “no no it’s not that”. She also justifies to me that she is trying to get the Wi-Fi because her data plan is not working so she doesn’t want to miss her pickup logistics notifications from her friends because of her piano thing at 6. Okay whatever, your actions will speak louder than your words.

We get seated and I’m next to her. She asks me how my day is going. I just say it’s good cuz weather is nice+some other yap, was brief here. Since this date is short I need to focus on topics that are deeper, allow me to get to know her better, and build comfort. Her interests are the lowest hanging fruit. I mention how she wrote in her bio that Bumble didn’t have a little bubble thing to mention piano and if that was her main interest. We talk a bit about instruments and she tells me her story around piano. Kinda hurts to be this way but I cut it short since this date isn’t that long. I would have let her yap way more about piano to get her more comfortable had she not made this date so fucking short.

Also hindsight I could’ve qualified her on her piano playing. Maybe teased about how I’m gonna be like that one food critic from Ratatouille but with piano (just an example of a tease).

While she’s talking she’s dripping a little bit of her drink on her legs. First time she just flicked a bit off then next one or two she gets a napkin. I decide to tease her on being clumsy and follow it up with how she’s gonna spill it if she keeps it up and we’re both gonna have to clean it up.
She does get a little defensive in a cute way saying it doesn’t usually happen and today is just unlucky. Don’t remember what I specifically said after this

I ask how long she’s been on Bumble for. She told me about a month. This time around I told myself I HAVE to make it a point to probe deeper and find what the chick is looking for. So I decide to follow that question up with “So how was your dating life before Bumble then”. She told me she’s an international student from Bangladesh and she’s only been in the states for 2 months now. She also told me Bangladesh dating kinda skips the talking stage stuff since almost all dating is social circle. Like you just date and marry people you grew up with. She did say though if shit goes south with the relationship “everything goes to shit” though. She said she noticed how dating is more casual in the US with a few dates of getting to know the other person. So I try to “qualify” her I guess and ask if she prefers dating in the US vs Bangladesh and she says US. She asks me how long I been on the app for I just said a couple weeks. Since she brought up casual I asked her more nonchalantly “so I guess you’re not looking for anything too serious or are you”. She does tell me she’s not looking for anything serious, she asks me and I say similar and some vibes yap.

So once that thread wraps she’s like “I gotta ask you one thing” so I let her and she asks me if I like sushi. I personally think it’s overrated as fuck but I just say yeah if the ingredients are quality. Then she’s all like “oh ok that’s good I don’t like people who don’t like sushi”. In hindsight I could’ve teased her into a corner and made it seem like I thought she was some spoiled classy chick who only liked food prepared by Michelin star chefs or some bullshit so hopefully she’d be trying to “justify” in a feminine way that she isn’t. In the moment though I couldn’t come up with anything of value to say besides my current response. She kind of future built a little bit where she mentioned us going to her favorite sushi spot.

There’s a bit of a silence here and I notice during some of the macro and micro silence times is when she checks her phone for this logistical shit she has to deal with. Ofc eye contact is pretty weak here.

What I have assessed into the date is during parts she is more invested in eye contact is good but this whole logistical crap basically makes eye contact kind of a crapshoot the rest of the time. Her body language aside from eyes is cross legged sort of facing me but not entirely.

I called back to where she mentioned being from Bangladesh so I asked if her family was located there and she said yeah. She talked some more about her family. She asked about mine and where mine where so I mentioned how they were kinda scattered across the world. Some in the US, some in UK, etc. She brings up how she got a similar situation with her friends and how they’re all planning to meet up for a trip to NYC. She’s all listing off where each one is from. I’m over here looking at her with my normal eye contact that shows I’m not bored. Once she finishes saying “oh ones from x and ones from y” yadda I’m like “Damn imma call in pitbull for your friendgroup cuz this some Mr. WorldWide type shit”. She gets a good laugh out of this. I think to me it’s a good sign because if I can get her feeling things I’ll get much further than just basic conversation. It’s a weird thing for me to say though because this statement is so illogical. Why the fuck am I calling it Pitbull? Who the fuck even knows. But it’s funny and she liked it. I tried to emulate Dave Chapelle a bit when it comes to delivery of this joke because I find it funny and other people do as well. I figure if I’m confident in what I say I’ll be more likely to get away with said bullshit.

EDIT (I forgot about this segment when I was writing the log but I remembered it now so here it is):

We yap a bit more about travel as she told me she hasn’t traveled much until recently. She said because of that she is a bit anxious about the trip and that her sense of direction is terrible. I related to her and said I am the same but decided to fuck around and call back to a line I said when we were texting. I said something about how we could be "partners in crime" on the topic of my opener. So I said "but then how are we supposed to be partners in crime if neither of us know where we are going". Again, seems she liked this bit too.

She asked if I’ve been to NYC and I said I have but I want to go back for the food. She asks me if I love food and I say yeah, I ask her the same and follow up with if she likes to cook. Idk why it was automatic sometimes shit just comes out of my mouth randomly. She says no but she likes to bake and some more stuff about that. I mention some stuff on my side about the same thing and I ask if she wants to see photos of some stuff I made on my phone. I get closer and instead of arm around I put my hand on her thigh gently. She seems to be good with this. It honestly felt easier to do this than the whole arm around thing.

It’s getting close to her time to go and she tells me she wants to hit up the nearby cookie shop to get some cookies for her friends before they go to this event. I just say screw it and we go there together and she gets the cookies. It’s only like a couple minutes walk. I ask if she wants to hold hands but she says no. I ask if she’s shy but she says no, I don’t exactly remember what the reason was for it though. I just saw her to the crosswalk and we hugged then parted ways. The handhold rejection thing was a pretty big indicator a kiss was absolutely not happening.

Reflections:

-Overall really proud I made more moves this date and cut down the platonic convo shit. I was way too platonic in one of my previous dates and I was beating myself up over it a lot. I think unmatching her before the date sort of “set me free” to not worry about the consequences of my actions. As long as I didn’t do something that was literal harassment the worst thing that could happen was getting reported and banned.

-Kind of pissed eye contact was not that strong because she’s worried about her plans. I would have rather rescheduled for a time I could have at least 2 hours to do my thing. At the boba place I’d only need like an hour. After that I can focus on the pull and building tension.

-Felt mad horny and was more upset than usual I can’t pull due to scarcity mentality the Hinge/Tinder ban placed on me. Went to the gym straight after the date and I was feeling more down bad over some of the girls I saw there than usual.

foducossy42 Yggdrasil13 tried to implement your guys’ feedback about my sticking points as much as possible. Lmk y’all’s takes on this date.

 

[Perseus]

I ask if she wants to hold hands but she says no. I ask if she’s shy but she says no, I don’t exactly remember what the reason was for it though. I just saw her to the crosswalk and we hugged then parted ways. The handhold rejection thing was a pretty big indicator a kiss was absolutely not happening

I dont think this was the right approach. In my opinion holding hands while is more intimate romantically than kissing, so its possible she just doesnt want to walk around in public looking like a couple. I also cant imagine asking it explicitly makes it any better, perhaps just touching her hand and holding if she doesnt pull away wouldve been better. For a kiss I would escalate firstly with touching legs or having your hand rest on her, and being in very close proximity. Keep up the work, I think youre getting close.

 

[Holden]

1) Don't ask to hold hands. Don't ask for permission for anything, really. Just grab them if you want to, she'll pull away if she doesn't like it. That's just general advice, in this particular instance it was probably too early anyway. If you want to touch a girl while walking, just lightly touch her lower back while telling her "let's cross the street here" or giving directions "we're going left here"

2) Seems to me you missed two great opportunities to seed a second date when she asked about sushi and when the convo turned to cooking.

If you only have one hour, then the new objective of the date is to plan the second one. Preferably ASAP, and schedule it right then and there.

 

[Foducossy]

I ask if she wants to hold hands but she says no. I ask if she’s shy but she says no, I don’t exactly remember what the reason was for it though. I just saw her to the crosswalk and we hugged then parted ways. The handhold rejection thing was a pretty big indicator a kiss was absolutely not happening.

You need to pay attention to crucial moments like this. I wonder what the reason was.

But also why are you holding hands that is some third grade shit. Also tbh I think you gotta fuck a girl a couple times before you hold hands, holding hands is more romantic than sexual and you’re looking for a sexual vibe first, then romance later on.

And why are you asking?? Just grab her hand. You don’t ask before you kiss someone do you, so why ask before holding hands?

Also what Holden said about touching on the lower back is good stuff. Women fucking love it. Do it when leading her across a street, or to steer her when you’re changing directions while walking. It’s really basic stuff but it’s powerful.

Overall good work on the date. More energy communication rather than content communication. And some teasing. Good awareness of time as well, in future you want to try to do the right frame setting and future projection for a second date with the 1h you have.

 

[Vic]

1) Don't ask to hold hands. Don't ask for permission for anything, really. Just grab them if you want to, she'll pull away if she doesn't like it. That's just general advice, in this particular instance it was probably too early anyway. If you want to touch a girl while walking, just lightly touch her lower back while telling her "let's cross the street here" or giving directions "we're going left here"

2) Seems to me you missed two great opportunities to seed a second date when she asked about sushi and when the convo turned to cooking.

If you only have one hour, then the new objective of the date is to plan the second one. Preferably ASAP, and schedule it right then and there.

Ok I will probably try this instead. I need to work on being less inhibited during my dates.

I didn't want to seed the sushi thing too hard because I feel like falling into her frame about this would probably really make her want our second date to be at that sushi place, which would be difficult to pull. Its a bit downtown and I have no car so logistics would be ass.

But you are right I could have easily seeded the baking date, that is a colossal fuckup on my part and I should be more self aware that if a chick is giving me very little time I need to seed the second date.

 

[Vic]

I ask if she wants to hold hands but she says no. I ask if she’s shy but she says no, I don’t exactly remember what the reason was for it though. I just saw her to the crosswalk and we hugged then parted ways. The handhold rejection thing was a pretty big indicator a kiss was absolutely not happening.

You need to pay attention to crucial moments like this. I wonder what the reason was.

But also why are you holding hands that is some third grade shit. Also tbh I think you gotta fuck a girl a couple times before you hold hands, holding hands is more romantic than sexual and you’re looking for a sexual vibe first, then romance later on.

And why are you asking?? Just grab her hand. You don’t ask before you kiss someone do you, so why ask before holding hands?

Also what Holden said about touching on the lower back is good stuff. Women fucking love it. Do it when leading her across a street, or to steer her when you’re changing directions while walking. It’s really basic stuff but it’s powerful.

Overall good work on the date. More energy communication rather than content communication. And some teasing. Good awareness of time as well, in future you want to try to do the right frame setting and future projection for a second date with the 1h you have.

I think I may just stop doing it. I honestly don't know what it does for me really and from what I am hearing it doesn't seem like much.

I ask because nerves, but as I go on more dates it should go away.

Ill do the touching the back thing instead, sounds much more sexual than holding hands.

 

[Yggdrasil13]

Yeah really sucks you don’t have the money for a new device, I see some of your frustration now. ngl one thing that really helped me was having 2-4 dates lined up every week for like 2 months. It makes you a lot more willing to experiment.

I’ll give my thoughts. Firstly I think “calling her out” for wanting to connect to the Shop’s WiFi was a mistake. It’s not inherently rude behavior, she literally had an explanation for it, and idk why you would jump to the worst case scenario. Personally if it were me I would have proactively helped her connect. I always viewed it as my responsibility to make sure my date is comfortable (within reason.) to me, that’s part of being “the man.” It’s your responsibility to take care of your date (again within reason.) Maybe others will disagree, but I feel like you’re a little unnecessarily combative/suspicious of these girls. Like Andy says, the two of you are supposed to be a team. 90+% of the time, the girl wants the date to go well too.

Overall my sense is that you still are not really connecting with your dates. You seem over focused on techniques, strategy and pulling but for the most part you’re not really “in the moment” or genuine.

I think your best moment was the pit bull line, and it’s not a coincidence that that line was off the cuff and un calculated. That’s the kind of stuff you need more of. The rest of the teases/jokes you suggest come off a little forced. It’s paradoxical but it’s not really something you can “try” to do. You just react to what the girl is saying, and not everything she says will lend itself to it. It helps to have a playful, positive attitude.

Honestly I would change your approach, stop calculating, stop letting her talk to “build comfort,” stop cutting her off because there’s not enough time left in the date for that topic.

I would go back to basics, be genuine, be caring, be interested in her as person, be playful. And ofc don’t hide your intentions. Basic social skills will get u further on these dates then all the game-y stuff at this point.

I don’t think how you’re escalating physically is the ultimate issue. In my experience, if me and the girl weren’t vibing my close rate was extremely low. And if we were vibing, clumsy escalation didn’t sink the ship. YMMV

 

[Vic]

Yeah really sucks you don’t have the money for a new device, I see some of your frustration now. ngl one thing that really helped me was having 2-4 dates lined up every week for like 2 months. It makes you a lot more willing to experiment.

I’ll give my thoughts. Firstly I think “calling her out” for wanting to connect to the Shop’s WiFi was a mistake. It’s not inherently rude behavior, she literally had an explanation for it, and idk why you would jump to the worst case scenario. Personally if it were me I would have proactively helped her connect. I always viewed it as my responsibility to make sure my date is comfortable (within reason.) to me, that’s part of being “the man.” It’s your responsibility to take care of your date (again within reason.) Maybe others will disagree, but I feel like you’re a little unnecessarily combative/suspicious of these girls. Like Andy says, the two of you are supposed to be a team. 90+% of the time, the girl wants the date to go well too.

Overall my sense is that you still are not really connecting with your dates. You seem over focused on techniques, strategy and pulling but for the most part you’re not really “in the moment” or genuine.

I think your best moment was the pit bull line, and it’s not a coincidence that that line was off the cuff and un calculated. That’s the kind of stuff you need more of. The rest of the teases/jokes you suggest come off a little forced. It’s paradoxical but it’s not really something you can “try” to do. You just react to what the girl is saying, and not everything she says will lend itself to it. It helps to have a playful, positive attitude.

Honestly I would change your approach, stop calculating, stop letting her talk to “build comfort,” stop cutting her off because there’s not enough time left in the date for that topic.

I would go back to basics, be genuine, be caring, be interested in her as person, be playful. And ofc don’t hide your intentions. Basic social skills will get u further on these dates then all the game-y stuff at this point.

I don’t think how you’re escalating physically is the ultimate issue. In my experience, if me and the girl weren’t vibing my close rate was extremely low. And if we were vibing, clumsy escalation didn’t sink the ship. YMMV

Yeah once I fixed my pictures pre-ban I was getting 2 dates a week from just Hinge alone. Most of them were getting like 7s on PF so imagine the kind of damage I can do with pictures netting an 8+ and getting the forums seal of approval.

I think I got selfish and just thought any behavior that immediately seemed not optimal to furthering my purpose was disrespect. I think some of my mood around other life stuff like fitness and money-stuff has been affecting how I approach dating in a negative way. You are right, it should be you and me not you vs me.

My early dates I wasn't super strategy focused but I felt like I had too much friend vibes and I was too pussy to say things that would make her feel stronger emotions. Thats why I reverted to a strategy based approach. Women's attraction is highly emotional so I need to play to that. A lot of my worries are probably just in my head. I don't think she will react too negatively to what I say as long as it isn't predatory, rude, offensive, or all of the above.