Was hit by a car today lolz

[Toast]

Gunna be using this thread to document any interesting events and my cold approaches.

Yesterday I figured it has been so long since I've done any approaches that I needed to do at lease one. I'm getting settled into my new apartment, and I see cute girls on the daily walking around my block.

Went to a close by Whole Foods and walked around looking for groceries. Spotted a cute girl and told myself I was gunna approach. I think I probably shopped around the store and saw her out of the corner of my eye like 3 times before I actually dove in and approached. The interaction itself went well. She was a cute, thin, glasses wearing blond girl. Conversation was kind of strained on my end but she was pretty receptive. Bitched out a bit and said "Hey I gotta run, but maybe I could grab your number?" She said she was moving soon, but thanked me for calling her pretty earlier when I approached.

Having not approached for so long really showed how difficult it is to just jump back in. Afterwards i felt really good about the approach though. Just happy i got one done after not approaching for like maybe 2 weeks or something.

 

[SamJ_]

Gunna be using this thread to document any interesting events and my cold approaches.

Yesterday I figured it has been so long since I've done any approaches that I needed to do at lease one. I'm getting settled into my new apartment, and I see cute girls on the daily walking around my block.

Went to a close by Whole Foods and walked around looking for groceries. Spotted a cute girl and told myself I was gunna approach. I think I probably shopped around the store and saw her out of the corner of my eye like 3 times before I actually dove in and approached. The interaction itself went well. She was a cute, thin, glasses wearing blond girl. Conversation was kind of strained on my end but she was pretty receptive. Bitched out a bit and said "Hey I gotta run, but maybe I could grab your number?" She said she was moving soon, but thanked me for calling her pretty earlier when I approached.

Having not approached for so long really showed how difficult it is to just jump back in. Afterwards i felt really good about the approach though. Just happy i got one done after not approaching for like maybe 2 weeks or something.

That's awesome man, what opening line did you use on her? That's something I struggle with a lot sometimes with girls who are walking around and not sitting still.

 

[Toast]

SamJ_ Just walked up and said "Hello, kind of random, but I thought u were pretty and wanted to introduce myself"

 

[SamJ_]

@SamJ_ Just walked up and said "Hello, kind of random, but I thought u were pretty and wanted to introduce myself"

Okay nice. Just another random question, what if any situations do you think it's not appropriate to approach? For example, sometimes I see college-age girls sitting in their yards if I'm walking down the sidewalk and I still haven't approached any of them in that scenario because it almost feels like I'd be intruding on their property. Is there a way to pull off an approach like that or do you also think it's good to avoid those?

 

[Manganiello]

SamJ_ They're all appropriate.
It's just a matter of what your comfortable doing as of right now.

I'd say the girls in their yard are approachable, without a doubt.

EDIT:
I'll explain it better.

I did door to door sales and I can say with a lot of confidence people are friendly. You're not intruding on their space. Vast majority 95+% are fine with you going into their yard.

If they don't like it, they will let you know. And it's nothing personal. They're just grumpy.

Girls like being called cute. So if anything they'd want you to do it.

And after the AA program you realize the "appropriate situations and inappropriate situations" are 99.999% a false construct of reality in you're head. It's usually just a fear of the unknown and/or embarrassing yourself that makes you think it's inappropriate.

And there's really no way of knowing what's appropriate til you do it 50 times or so. I thought high fives during covid was inappropriate but I quickly learnt that it wasn't.

 

[SamJ_]

@SamJ_ They're all appropriate.
It's just a matter of what your comfortable doing as of right now.

I'd say the girls in their yard are approachable, without a doubt.

EDIT:
I'll explain it better.

I did door to door sales and I can say with a lot of confidence people are friendly. You're not intruding on their space. Vast majority 95+% are fine with you going into their yard.

If they don't like it, they will let you know. And it's nothing personal. They're just grumpy.

Girls like being called cute. So if anything they'd want you to do it.

And after the AA program you realize the "appropriate situations and inappropriate situations" are 99.999% a false construct of reality in you're head. It's usually just a fear of the unknown and/or embarrassing yourself that makes you think it's inappropriate.

And there's really no way of knowing what's appropriate til you do it 50 times or so. I thought high fives during covid was inappropriate but I quickly learnt that it wasn't.

Thanks, what do you typically say when girls are bothered by it or act creeped out? The other day I apparently creeped a girl out because she started walking the other way immediately and acting really creeped out and I just said "it's all good." But maybe just like "sorry to bother you, have a nice day" or something would be better? I know I'm overthinking this WAY too much haha, just curious.

 

[Manganiello]

@SamJ_ They're all appropriate.
It's just a matter of what your comfortable doing as of right now.

I'd say the girls in their yard are approachable, without a doubt.

EDIT:
I'll explain it better.

I did door to door sales and I can say with a lot of confidence people are friendly. You're not intruding on their space. Vast majority 95+% are fine with you going into their yard.

If they don't like it, they will let you know. And it's nothing personal. They're just grumpy.

Girls like being called cute. So if anything they'd want you to do it.

And after the AA program you realize the "appropriate situations and inappropriate situations" are 99.999% a false construct of reality in you're head. It's usually just a fear of the unknown and/or embarrassing yourself that makes you think it's inappropriate.

And there's really no way of knowing what's appropriate til you do it 50 times or so. I thought high fives during covid was inappropriate but I quickly learnt that it wasn't.

Thanks, what do you typically say when girls are bothered by it or act creeped out? The other day I apparently creeped a girl out because she started walking the other way immediately and acting really creeped out and I just said "it's all good." But maybe just like "sorry to bother you, have a nice day" or something would be better? I know I'm overthinking this WAY too much haha, just curious.

Yeah honestly it shook me up the first few times that happened. But at some point I realized the girl is being weird NOT me.
And I really internalized that thought.

So now, if someone gets creeped out and walks the other way. I usually don't say anything, or I just say "Have a nice day!" Sarcastically. Or more times than not I'll say "Ok bye"... and turn around and go.

It's like a good omen. If I get a bad reaction it means I'm doing something right. In a weird way... it's like a confirmation that I'm taking action and putting myself out there.



Long story short:
That's a normal reaction. I get it prettyyy frequently. I don't know the ratio. But it happened today, to give you an example.

Totally normal to get that reaction. Say whatever you want. It doesn't matter. Just find another girl to talk to.

 

[SamJ_]

Thanks, what do you typically say when girls are bothered by it or act creeped out? The other day I apparently creeped a girl out because she started walking the other way immediately and acting really creeped out and I just said "it's all good." But maybe just like "sorry to bother you, have a nice day" or something would be better? I know I'm overthinking this WAY too much haha, just curious.

Yeah honestly it shook me up the first few times that happened. But at some point I realized the girl is being weird NOT me.
And I really internalized that thought.

So now, if someone gets creeped out and walks the other way. I usually don't say anything, or I just say "Have a nice day!" Sarcastically. Or more times than not I'll say "Ok bye"... and turn around and go.

It's like a good omen. If I get a bad reaction it means I'm doing something right. In a weird way... it's like a confirmation that I'm taking action and putting myself out there.



Long story short:
That's a normal reaction. I get it prettyyy frequently. I don't know the ratio. But it happened today, to give you an example.

Totally normal to get that reaction. Say whatever you want. It doesn't matter. Just find another girl to talk to.

Okay that's reassuring to know it was a normal reaction, yeah it shook me up when it happened but I did another approach the next day. The last few approaches I've done haven't gone well haha, I haven't gotten a number in a couple weeks.

Thanks for the feedback, I really like your vlogs too, they're really inspiring. I'm still way too self conscious and inexperienced to make YouTube videos, that seems even scarier than approaching haha but maybe someday when I get a lot more approaches done and feel more qualified to talk about this stuff I'll make some videos too

 

[Toast]

Thanks for the feedback, I really like your vlogs too, they're really inspiring. I'm still way too self conscious and inexperienced to make YouTube videos, that seems even scarier than approaching haha but maybe someday when I get a lot more approaches done and feel more qualified to talk about this stuff I'll make some videos too

I think because you feel this way you should be doing it.

You need to keep exposing yourself to more situations that feel creepy, weird, and embarrassing. This is how you get better at approaching. The AA program forces you to do this and as a result your brain is programed no to care about these kind of situations.

Like what Manganiello said, what's creepy is really just a made up reaction in your head. Like 99% of the time when I was doing something creepy, I got a completely opposite reaction. For example, one of the drills you have to ask for directions to sesame st, and then say "I'm not a rapist" afterwards. Super cringe and creepy right? Well after doing it a couple of times and getting over the embarrassment of it, some of the girls reacted super positively and laughed at the joke which I thought was extremely offensive and creepy. Just goes to show that what you make up in your head is not really what people will react like.

I understand you live in a small city where you are not trying to gain a reputation, so just take this as some food for though about how you can improve your approaches. Maybe modify your approaches with a secondary goal of pushing your limits as well as getting a number.

 

[SamJ_]

Thanks for the feedback, I really like your vlogs too, they're really inspiring. I'm still way too self conscious and inexperienced to make YouTube videos, that seems even scarier than approaching haha but maybe someday when I get a lot more approaches done and feel more qualified to talk about this stuff I'll make some videos too

I think because you feel this way you should be doing it.

You need to keep exposing yourself to more situations that feel creepy, weird, and embarrassing. This is how you get better at approaching. The AA program forces you to do this and as a result your brain is programed no to care about these kind of situations.

Like what @Manganiello said, what's creepy is really just a made up reaction in your head. Like 99% of the time when I was doing something creepy, I got a completely opposite reaction. For example, one of the drills you have to ask for directions to sesame st, and then say "I'm not a rapist" afterwards. Super cringe and creepy right? Well after doing it a couple of times and getting over the embarrassment of it, some of the girls reacted super positively and laughed at the joke which I thought was extremely offensive and creepy. Just goes to show that what you make up in your head is not really what people will react like.

I understand you live in a small city where you are not trying to gain a reputation, so just take this as some food for though about how you can improve your approaches. Maybe modify your approaches with a secondary goal of pushing your limits as well as getting a number.

Yeah one thing I was thinking about is intentionally trying to do approaches that really spike my anxiety. I try too hard to hide my anxiety from the girls I think, because I'm embarrassed to show anything that might be perceived as weakness because I have been caring too much about the outcome. But I need to change that and really try to get myself repeatedly in situations that really spike my anxiety and embarrassment. And I've already done that to some extent but I need to do it way more with way less hesitation. I guess the only things I"m not gonna do are approach girls alone in dark alleys at night, cuz I don't wanna make them super uncomfortable or scared, and I also don't wanna make huge scenes in front of like 50+ people either. Other than those two situations I think every other excuse I'm making not to approach is a stupid excuse I need to force myself to get over.

 

[Toast]

Yeah one thing I was thinking about is intentionally trying to do approaches that really spike my anxiety. I try too hard to hide my anxiety from the girls I think, because I'm embarrassed to show anything that might be perceived as weakness because I have been caring too much about the outcome. But I need to change that and really try to get myself repeatedly in situations that really spike my anxiety and embarrassment. And I've already done that to some extent but I need to do it way more with way less hesitation. I guess the only things I'm not gonna do are approach girls alone in dark alleys at night, cuz I don't wanna make them super uncomfortable or scared, and I also don't wanna make huge scenes in front of like 50+ people either. Other than those two situations I think every other excuse I'm making not to approach is a stupid excuse I need to force myself to get over.

Getting over outcome dependency is definitely hard, but once u can approaches will be like nothing. I'm only hypothesizing at this point since I'm still very inexperienced at approaching as well. Once I get a few hundred cold approaches under my belt ill report back. at this point I'm just pulling from my past experiences with the AA program. During that I called like 200+ girls cute and towards the end of that it became easy. Real approaches are a bit different but there are some parallels as well

Aside from obviously harmful or weird situations like you mentioned, most approaches are going to be fair game. Its mostly pushing the boundaries of what your mind is capable of dealing with.

 

[Toast]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wszgBRbm5M

Total Approaches So Far: 2

Went to Whole Foods and walked around. immediately spotted a really sexy chick. Wearing all purple, no bra, blonde. Was definitely in my head while thinking about what to say, how to approach, and other situations that mean nothing. Manganiello gave me some sage advice when he said "just let it be awkward" when I asked him about what to say and shit like that. Kind of gave me the ok in my mind to have a really shitty approach.

As I steeled my self for the upcoming approach and the girl i was looking for actually walked towards me in a cramped aisle. It was a perfect opportunity. She said excuse me and walked by. I said "hey one sec, got her attention, just wanted to say you're really pretty and I wanted to introduce myself." She said thanks, and I gave my name. From there the conversation was not even as strained as I thought it would be. She was literally holding a basket of like 40 bananas and I told her she's like the classic math problem, of a guy with 40 bananas. She laughed, we chopped it up for a bit and then I asked for her number but she said she had a boyfriend. She offered me her Instagram though so I took it anyway cuz why not. Said she didn't really have many friends in the city so maybe we could hang. I said that would be cool as well, and we kept talking for a bit more about random stuff.

Side note, apparently she had that many bananas because she literally only eats fruit as most of her meals. A Fruitarian is the term.

Overall I came to the conclusion that being awkward is nothing to be afraid of because you literally do not know what is going to happen until you approach. All of the made up situations in your head of what's going to happen are literally just made up. You never know what the person is going to say, do, or be interested in. As well as what they think of you. All of these things really impact how the approach can go. So being awkward is perfectly fine, because it could turn out exactly the opposite of the catastrophic situation in your head.

Feels good to approach. Gotta get the numbers higher. Right now I'm in the kiddy pool with these single day approaches. I can definitely do more. Feels good to be challenging myself again. I honestly forgot how rewarding doing stuff like this is.

 

[Manganiello]

Nice work man. Those first few approaches are tricky. Even when I was 2 days off the AA program it felt weird.

 

[Toast]

Total Approaches 3:

Approaches Today 1 (definitely not enough)

Went out today with the plan to buy new clothes. Picked up a black denim jacket from Zara. Some cuties in the store but i don't like to split my attention between shopping and approaching. This is most likely just an excuse now that i'm writing about it.

I was walking to another store for some shoes and I spotted a cute girl who was waiting to cross the street. Pretty sure we made eye contact and then we continued along across the street. I kind of followed her because the direction of the next store was the same direction she was walking. Grew a pair and said fuck it lets approach. As we stopped at the next cross walk i got her attention and said "excuse me, just thought you were cute and wanted to introduce myself" She continued walking but said thanks. I kept walking with her and started chatting her up a bit more and then once we crossed the street she finally stopped and we talked. Just some random stuff, small talk about work and whatever. Asked for her number, she said her phone was dead and didn't know her own number. Kinda sus, but gave me her insta instead. later she accepted my friend request so maybe she was not lying ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This approach was much easier. I was not in my own head as much and the it took way less courage to make the approach. Momentum from yesterday most likely helped.

I know for a fact i can approach in way greater volume. I gave myself plenty of time before work today but a lot was taken up by shopping.

There were some opportunities i passed up. Not sure how to approach pairs of girls. I think that next time i encounter a pair i'll treat it as an experiment and not even an approach. Just to feel out how the interaction will go.

Happy with getting her insta, unhappy about the volume and missed approaches.

 

[Manganiello]

Approaches Today 1 (definitely not enough)

To be fair you didn't have that much time, and I think you knew that with work + shopping. I mean it's good you're wanting more, but just be accurate with how much time you really did have, and how much you didn't.

I know for a fact i can approach in way greater volume.

Dude you have one of the highest (maybe the highest) single day approach volume of 2021 on Killyourinnerloser.
You did like 60 on the final day of the AA program didn't you?

I think with pairs, it's probably like my experience....They're hard because I barely ever approached pairs. Maybe like 20 total??


All I'm saying is: Cut yourself some slack for today, learn something from it, but yes you can absolutely do a ton more. We've all seen you do it. (And I'm kind of giving myself that advice too, because I distinctly remember talking to 50+ girls in one day).

 

[Toast]

You did like 60 on the final day of the AA program didn't you?

This is exactly why I think I can do more. I'm definitely hard on my self, but that's because I know I can do better. Ill give myself a break tho, cuz its all a work in progress and I'm pretty much just starting on my cold approach journey. Definitely need to think back on my past approaches and how to improve. Honestly having a lot of fun now that I'm back out approaching.

Girl whos instagram I got today left me on seen. Whatever. On to the next one.

Spazdig I went out solo tonight with the intention of approaching a group of girls who were seated at a table. Its honestly not that difficult to integrate with them. I think basically you just have to throw yourself at the situation with reckless abandonment, and not care about the outcome.

Got a drink at a bar that was packed as fuck. Went outside and saw 3 girls sitting at a table talking amongst them selves. Walked up and said "hey ladies, how's your night going" to the whole group. 2 of the girls were talking with each other, but I hit it off with one of the other friendly chicks. Talked with her for a while about random life shit. She had a guy and said she was sick so I didn't really wanna make a move or anything. We all eventually made our way inside. I tried to get to know one of the other chicks in the group, but she was not as receptive. Maybe I could have been a little more aggressive with talking with her but whatever. Its all a learning experience.

Another instance of becoming part of a group with chicks was where some girl said to me "hey, have a great night!" and I didn't really hear her so I stopped. A guy behind her was like "move along bro" and I retorted "yo man why you gotta be so mean?" and he hella sunk back in his place. I then was chatting up the girl who initially talked to me for a bit. The dude, who was obviously her boyfriend, hella was trying to get her attention, but i was just chatting this girl up lol. As I was walking away another guy in the group said "thanks for putting my friend in his place" I said no prob while laughing walking away.

A 3rd instance where I comingled with another group was when 2 hot chicks were standing under a outside fire thingy. Just walked up and ask "hey can I share the heat with you girls?" they said sure thing and then we were talking for a while.

 

[SamJ_]

You did like 60 on the final day of the AA program didn't you?

This is exactly why I think I can do more. I'm definitely hard on my self, but that's because I know I can do better. Ill give myself a break tho, cuz its all a work in progress and I'm pretty much just starting on my cold approach journey. Definitely need to think back on my past approaches and how to improve. Honestly having a lot of fun now that I'm back out approaching.

Girl whos instagram I got today left me on seen. Whatever. On to the next one.

@Spazdig I went out solo tonight with the intention of approaching a group of girls who were seated at a table. Its honestly not that difficult to integrate with them. I think basically you just have to throw yourself at the situation with reckless abandonment, and not care about the outcome.

Got a drink at a bar that was packed as fuck. Went outside and saw 3 girls sitting at a table talking amongst them selves. Walked up and said "hey ladies, how's your night going" to the whole group. 2 of the girls were talking with each other, but I hit it off with one of the other friendly chicks. Talked with her for a while about random life shit. She had a guy and said she was sick so I didn't really wanna make a move or anything. We all eventually made our way inside. I tried to get to know one of the other chicks in the group, but she was not as receptive. Maybe I could have been a little more aggressive with talking with her but whatever. Its all a learning experience.

Another instance of becoming part of a group with chicks was where some girl said to me "hey, have a great night!" and I didn't really hear her so I stopped. A guy behind her was like "move along bro" and I retorted "yo man why you gotta be so mean?" and he hella sunk back in his place. I then was chatting up the girl who initially talked to me for a bit. The dude, who was obviously her boyfriend, hella was trying to get her attention, but i was just chatting this girl up lol. As I was walking away another guy in the group said "thanks for putting my friend in his place" I said no prob while laughing walking away.

A 3rd instance where I comingled with another group was when 2 hot chicks were standing under a outside fire thingy. Just walked up and ask "hey can I share the heat with you girls?" they said sure thing and then we were talking for a while.

That's impressive man, putting these boyfriends in their place and stuff lol. I def would be too chicken to do that sober. I'd be a little careful with that tho if they start getting aggressive, not worth getting into a physical fight over.

 

[Toast]

SamJ_ I will admit I was slightly under the influence. Had a couple drinks that night. She was the one who talked to me first, and it was all in good fun. No hostility felt at all. Definitely not trying to get in a fight over some guys chick. Def not worth it at all.

 

[SamJ_]

@SamJ_ I will admit I was slightly under the influence. Had a couple drinks that night. She was the one who talked to me first, and it was all in good fun. No hostility felt at all. Definitely not trying to get in a fight over some guys chick. Def not worth it at all.

Yeah nothing wrong with having a couple drinks haha. Definitely helps if everyone else you're talking to has been drinking too. I did it too before a couple of my night approaches a couple weeks ago. But yea for me at least I gotta be careful or I get carried away and misjudge something or get too caught in the heat of the moment and end up getting punched in the face lol

 

[Toast]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYpeMQ3VELI

Total Approaches: 7

Went out today with the intention of finding good areas to approach. As well as trying to get in a high volume of approaches. Started the day off in Japan town. Kind of felt like the crowd today was young anime nerds. Probably cuz its a holiday. Got one approach in b4 calling if at this location
Cute Asian. She was walking towards me. Got her attention, called her cute, gave my name. And then she zoomed off. Didn't even give me a chance to talk. Walked around some more and didn't really see anyone approachable.

Next i went to the shopping district/ touristy area of SF and walked around. Probably only passed up on 1 or 2 girls walking around solo. A lot of pairs of girls were popping up. Walked to the mall and the same thing was happening. Probably spent like 30 min trying to find an approach.

2nd Approach. Said she had a boyfriend pretty early in the convo. Moved on
3rd approach. Pretty awkward convo. Girl wasnt very receptive. Said she had a boyfriend

By this time it had been almost an 1.5 hours of walking the street and mall. I was pretty disheartened with the results so far and the amount of approachable girls.

Moved locations to whole foods. In the store I bitched out on 2 approaches. Feeling down I got in line to buy whatever I had in my hands but then saw a chick walk in. Said fuck it I gotta approach. Convo went fine but when I asked for her number she said "I appreciate it but no thanks"

Went home. Ate some food then went out again like an hour later.

Saw a girl with a dog. Told her the dog was cute and seemed friendly. Dog was cute and friendly and walked up to me to get petted. Chatted with the girl for a bit and then asked for her number. She said she had a boyfriend.

Todays Thoughts
Happy that I'm getting more experience approaching, but there's definitely a lot to improve on.
Going to have to grow some balls and just approach pairs since that's a huge limiting factor with getting high approach volume.
Also need to be able to approach whenever. Like if I see a girl turn the corner and she's already past me. just gotta go for it and catch up to her. no thinking just action.

Whole foods/ Trader joes seem to be good locations.
Still have to try some trendy streets where they block it off for foot traffic.
A lot of places to explore still