- Joined
- Jun 5, 2020
CainGettingLaid said:
Usual stuff.
50 in a day. That's pretty rare for anyone to do that much.
Nice job man.
1 year after AA review (Part 1/2): Changes in skills, attitudes, learnings
- Thread starter CainGettingLaid
- Start date
Usual stuff.
50 in a day. That's pretty rare for anyone to do that much.
Nice job man.
CainGettingLaid
Member
- Joined
- May 2, 2021
Day 41 sticking in there:
Did 21/20 reps. Yesterday I needed a break, the 50 reps seriously rekt me. Today was hard to go out and felt grindy, but I did it. I hated going back to time and directions, I think at some point this bothered me more than telling the girls that they are cute. Overall the drill felt not super helpful. It was supposed to make you stick in there and watch the girls reaction. But as soon as you ask for the time, you stop the evaluation period. She thinks you are not hitting on her anymore but really just wanted time and directions. I sometimes stuck in there for a few seconds on the last few days already. Oftentimes I politely said "have a nice evening" or "nice meeting you", which stretched out the interaction a bit as well. So today wasn't all that new. But hey, it was a different version and extra exposure is always good. Also showed me the effects of daily form again, some days it's simply harder. Happy I managed to do it anyways.
The double-high-five reps were easier to get than expected, only had a couple missed tries. I even did one of those reps on a group of two girls and double high-fived them both. Also approached a couple of girls that turned out to be a lesbian couple, even married. They showed me their rings. Kinda funny since I met a lesbian couple the last time I did drills as well. Cologne is a very liberal city.
Tomorrow is my weekly off-day. Next week I will try to finish the program.
Did 21/20 reps. Yesterday I needed a break, the 50 reps seriously rekt me. Today was hard to go out and felt grindy, but I did it. I hated going back to time and directions, I think at some point this bothered me more than telling the girls that they are cute. Overall the drill felt not super helpful. It was supposed to make you stick in there and watch the girls reaction. But as soon as you ask for the time, you stop the evaluation period. She thinks you are not hitting on her anymore but really just wanted time and directions. I sometimes stuck in there for a few seconds on the last few days already. Oftentimes I politely said "have a nice evening" or "nice meeting you", which stretched out the interaction a bit as well. So today wasn't all that new. But hey, it was a different version and extra exposure is always good. Also showed me the effects of daily form again, some days it's simply harder. Happy I managed to do it anyways.
The double-high-five reps were easier to get than expected, only had a couple missed tries. I even did one of those reps on a group of two girls and double high-fived them both. Also approached a couple of girls that turned out to be a lesbian couple, even married. They showed me their rings. Kinda funny since I met a lesbian couple the last time I did drills as well. Cologne is a very liberal city.
Tomorrow is my weekly off-day. Next week I will try to finish the program.
CainGettingLaid
Member
- Joined
- May 2, 2021
Day 42 real day and funny man combined:
Finished day 42. I was more anxious than usual when I went out, my hands were shaking. Maybe partially though because I was cold. The rest because of daily form and because today was so close to the real deal that it made me nervous. More rejections than usual, especially in the beginning, I guess mostly because of the nervousness. Also some didn't want to handshake, most of them because of covid. Started of slow but got in the grove and from there on it was smooth and fun sailing.
Even though today was pretty real, it had some comedic aspects to it. It was so real that when I moved on to ask for the time, the girls felt like I was messing with them. One grinned and was like "good one" in a tone like someone was just successfully trolled her. Doing these felt a bit like the week 4 motto "I'm just gonna fuck with her."
I actually got a number today. Before you scream at me for not taking the drill seriously and leaving, I DID LEAVE. Approached a couple of chicks, called one cute, introduced myself to both with handshakes and then asked them for the time. Got it, said thanks and left. Five meters out, the friend of the girl that I called cute calls "don't you wanna take her number?" I turn around. "Sure, I 'll take that with me." While I hand her the phone, her friend went on to make a bunch of teasing comments like "You can't just leave after you complimented her" or "But only call in case you wanna know the time". Told the girl I would call her or smth. and wished them a nice evening. Fucked off. Was kinda funny to pull out the phone to take her number after having asked them for the time.
Today's audio was fucking useless, the other guys hyped me too hard for the week 6 audios. I have heard the "you are making progress because you are not sitting at home jerking off" so often, it is now obvious and redundant to me. But hey, at least the audio wasn't very long. Even though I bring the occasional critique, I freakin love this program. For example, day 38-40 were very long because of the insane rep number which was annoying at the time, but now calling girls cute doesn't bother me at all anymore. Before that, it was scary. This shit simply works and oftentimes one doesn't realize why or only after the fact. Today's "comedic" touch helped take the seriousness out of the otherwise really real and potentially anxiousness-creating-drill. Doing this the first time you go around giving handshakes is very liberating and makes the whole approach thing feel much more casual to me.
Finished day 42. I was more anxious than usual when I went out, my hands were shaking. Maybe partially though because I was cold. The rest because of daily form and because today was so close to the real deal that it made me nervous. More rejections than usual, especially in the beginning, I guess mostly because of the nervousness. Also some didn't want to handshake, most of them because of covid. Started of slow but got in the grove and from there on it was smooth and fun sailing.
Even though today was pretty real, it had some comedic aspects to it. It was so real that when I moved on to ask for the time, the girls felt like I was messing with them. One grinned and was like "good one" in a tone like someone was just successfully trolled her. Doing these felt a bit like the week 4 motto "I'm just gonna fuck with her."
I actually got a number today. Before you scream at me for not taking the drill seriously and leaving, I DID LEAVE. Approached a couple of chicks, called one cute, introduced myself to both with handshakes and then asked them for the time. Got it, said thanks and left. Five meters out, the friend of the girl that I called cute calls "don't you wanna take her number?" I turn around. "Sure, I 'll take that with me." While I hand her the phone, her friend went on to make a bunch of teasing comments like "You can't just leave after you complimented her" or "But only call in case you wanna know the time". Told the girl I would call her or smth. and wished them a nice evening. Fucked off. Was kinda funny to pull out the phone to take her number after having asked them for the time.
Today's audio was fucking useless, the other guys hyped me too hard for the week 6 audios. I have heard the "you are making progress because you are not sitting at home jerking off" so often, it is now obvious and redundant to me. But hey, at least the audio wasn't very long. Even though I bring the occasional critique, I freakin love this program. For example, day 38-40 were very long because of the insane rep number which was annoying at the time, but now calling girls cute doesn't bother me at all anymore. Before that, it was scary. This shit simply works and oftentimes one doesn't realize why or only after the fact. Today's "comedic" touch helped take the seriousness out of the otherwise really real and potentially anxiousness-creating-drill. Doing this the first time you go around giving handshakes is very liberating and makes the whole approach thing feel much more casual to me.
offwego
Member
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2021
Day 42 was great, I enjoyed and grew from it. It makes you look at approach as lighthearted rather than desperately pouring your heart out. 43 is cool too but also funnyman.
Week 6 audios are kinda useless, but I like how he said takes 2 to be creepy. That line alone is great and not something you’re gonna hear in mainstream dating advice (e.g. “never approach from behind” grrr. Never??).
Also I think there’s very minimal correlation between not masturbating and doing drills. Like as long as they don’t do it before they leave the house… the night before never impeded me. I always say, I leave my penis at the door. Lol
Week 6 audios are kinda useless, but I like how he said takes 2 to be creepy. That line alone is great and not something you’re gonna hear in mainstream dating advice (e.g. “never approach from behind” grrr. Never??).
Also I think there’s very minimal correlation between not masturbating and doing drills. Like as long as they don’t do it before they leave the house… the night before never impeded me. I always say, I leave my penis at the door. Lol
CainGettingLaid
Member
- Joined
- May 2, 2021
Day 43 super spreader time:
Today I had the crying eye thing again like on day 11 due to wind, temperature and other factors. It was fucking annoying. Plus my nose was a little runny. Giving out a bunch of high-fives, compliments and handshakes. Gotta spread the love and those germs (JK my nose is mostly allergies).
Finished the 21 reps, even though it was a hustle. Started off with a fair amount of rejections, but went up to 18 reps out of 27 attempts which is pretty OK. Then I switched to a more hasty and sketchy place of the city and it simultaneously got dark. Only moving targets, all trying to hustle home. Doing these on localized girls is much easier. Took me 15 attempts to get the last 3 reps. Was about to give up but got lucky on my eighths attempt of the very last rep. Funny how covid seems to become more contagious after sundown.
I meant more like being at home doing pretty much anything (jerking off, playing computer games, watching series, reading dating advice).
You are mentioning an interesting topic nonetheless. I have the opposite experience. I noticed that when I orgasm a lot (irrespective of whether it is masturbation or sex), then I do tend to be less motivated and full of energy the next day to do sports, hit on girls or do exhausting work.
Today I had the crying eye thing again like on day 11 due to wind, temperature and other factors. It was fucking annoying. Plus my nose was a little runny. Giving out a bunch of high-fives, compliments and handshakes. Gotta spread the love and those germs (JK my nose is mostly allergies).
Finished the 21 reps, even though it was a hustle. Started off with a fair amount of rejections, but went up to 18 reps out of 27 attempts which is pretty OK. Then I switched to a more hasty and sketchy place of the city and it simultaneously got dark. Only moving targets, all trying to hustle home. Doing these on localized girls is much easier. Took me 15 attempts to get the last 3 reps. Was about to give up but got lucky on my eighths attempt of the very last rep. Funny how covid seems to become more contagious after sundown.
CainGettingLaid said:
offwego said:
I meant more like being at home doing pretty much anything (jerking off, playing computer games, watching series, reading dating advice).
You are mentioning an interesting topic nonetheless. I have the opposite experience. I noticed that when I orgasm a lot (irrespective of whether it is masturbation or sex), then I do tend to be less motivated and full of energy the next day to do sports, hit on girls or do exhausting work.
- Joined
- Jun 5, 2020
Almost there.
Feel free to skip the eye contact day.
It's the most useless day in the program.
Feel free to skip the eye contact day.
It's the most useless day in the program.
Toast
Member
- Joined
- Feb 4, 2021
2nd this. Nobody who completed the program recently has done this day. You could get stuck for a full week or ever longer trying it.Manganiello said:
Yah I get this as well. A cursory glance at google says that increased testosterone levels are related to ones motivation and ambition. So if u drain ur nuts, which produce T, then it makes sense that you would be demotivated and lack luster.CainGettingLaid said:
Had sex with my plate the morning before a date with a chick. Literally had like 0 drive to go on the date. I wanted to sleep all day and do nothing rather then walk 2 min outside of my house to meet her
CainGettingLaid
Member
- Joined
- May 2, 2021
Day 44 AND 45. Monumental day:
Today was a blast, at least in retrospect.
I think this is a weird argumentation. People get stuck on day 17, day 26, nighttime drills, all kinds of days. What makes this day the one that can be skipped because of this? Sure, I get the temptation of skipping it because day 46 is so close and guys wanna finally start approaching. But every drill has a point to it. Some people have problems with eye contact and need to practice it. Eye contact is hugely important to come across confident in all social situations, but especially with women. Chris even talks in the day 34 audio about how it is a direct criterion of attractiveness and masculinity for some women. Even though I don't have an issue with eye contact, focusing entirely on eye contact was a nice experience for me as well. I had never done that before. Seeing the entire range of reactions from girls is interesting. Very few hold for a few seconds. Some glance (counts as eye contact in Chris' definition). Oftentimes looks cross. Oftentimes the girl realizes you are looking at her and deliberately doesn't look back or even to the other side or on their phone. Oftentimes girls don't notice you are looking at them. Becoming aware of this behavior and getting a feel for it is important and I think there might be a point to why Chris placed this before the milestone.
Of course, this drill is much different from other drills because it encompasses and requires a whole array from looks, over style, over body language to facial expression to lastly eye contact. It will be much harder for some guys.
To improve my chances to be seen I put on a flashy outfit. A flower-t-shirt AND a double-rider leather jacket. I usually don't combine them. Due to the weather I was mostly wearing only the flower shirt though.
(for some reason I can't upload a pic right now, getting http error. check GLL log for the pic)
I was also lucky with the weather. Summer returned today and it was sunny and warm enough to chill in the park in a shirt. The parks, streets and river promenades were bursting with hot girls. Any day in the past week would have probably not gotten enough eye contacts to finish the drill.
I didn't want to skip the drill but I had doubts how long it would take me to do this, because you have to get eye contact from 16+ girls to be able to finish this. I intended to do it simultaneously with day 45 but turns out I am horrible at multi tasking so I deferred the day 45 reps to later in the day after the first few badly brought attempts and rejections.
I managed to do all required reps for day 44 plus the challenge. The number of girls that gave eye contact was vastly outnumbered by the girls that did not. I walked a lot today and could have talked to sooo many more chicks if I wasn't only shooting for eye contact. I considered doing day 46 simultaneously, but that overtaxed me both in terms of multitasking and anxiety. Somehow the anxiety increases a lot if you don't have a singular thing in mind.
Girls walking in the opposite directions were the main source of eye contact, but also some seated or otherwise localized ones.
Figuring out what is eye contact (including a "glance" according to Chris) was very difficult. I was hard to tell apart from just eyes crossing. I took the time the glance/eye-crossing lasted as the main indicator, if it was too short, I didn't go for it. Still though, many of the glances I did count were below one second if I had to guess. I also excluded some longer eye contact if the look was tired/empty and it was apparent to me that it was just a tired drifting look.
When doing the challenge rep, I realized I am bad at when it comes to winking and couldn't manage to do a sexy-looking wink in multiple attempts. Like closed both eyes instead of one. Gonna keep practicing that.
I also finished the day 45 reps. I had the perfect spot for it set up for the end of my day. It is a river promenade with large stairs on which a lot of young people sit to watch the sunset. The secret to this drill is smiling a lot and being happy and jumpy. Because of the perfect spot and momentum I did 9 of the 12 reps in under 15 minutes.
The day 45 drills weren't all that special to me, felt very much like day 43 to me. Chris says that most guys probably talked to groups on every 10th drill during the program. For me it was more like every 2nd to 3rd one, so today was not special at all. On day 43 I usually high-fived the whole group anyways when I did approach a group. I only did duos today, on day 43 I remember at least one larger group. So day 45 went over pretty easily.
HOLY SHIT. I did two of the arguably hardest days up to the milestone day in ONE DAY. It took me like 3h 15min but the last half hour was for the very last rep. Took forever because it was after sunset but I was a stubborn motherfucker and wanted to finish both days. So I didn't only do it, but also fast. Tomorrow, I am planning to beat the milestone day.
The day 45 audio was insightful. The techniques for winning over the girls friends are pretty nice and I’m gonna give them a shot sometimes. I just gotta become better at lying.
The notion that it’s pretty much pointless to talk to groups if you are shooting for the instalay during the day resonates very well with me. It’s not only about logistics, but also so much about judgment by the friends. You have to win them over as well. This reminds me of the job I did recently, where I was approaching strangers to convince them to donate to charity. I quickly learned that it is pretty much pointless to stop anyone who was not traveling alone. The chance that one of them wanted to keep moving was just so high and you would have to deal with all their bullshit objections as well, basically convince both. Convincing doesn’t work on the rational but on the emotional level and connecting emotionally with multiple people at once in such a convo is incredibly hard. Just another similarity between cold approach and sales.
You should. They are good.
Today was a blast, at least in retrospect.
Toast said:
I think this is a weird argumentation. People get stuck on day 17, day 26, nighttime drills, all kinds of days. What makes this day the one that can be skipped because of this? Sure, I get the temptation of skipping it because day 46 is so close and guys wanna finally start approaching. But every drill has a point to it. Some people have problems with eye contact and need to practice it. Eye contact is hugely important to come across confident in all social situations, but especially with women. Chris even talks in the day 34 audio about how it is a direct criterion of attractiveness and masculinity for some women. Even though I don't have an issue with eye contact, focusing entirely on eye contact was a nice experience for me as well. I had never done that before. Seeing the entire range of reactions from girls is interesting. Very few hold for a few seconds. Some glance (counts as eye contact in Chris' definition). Oftentimes looks cross. Oftentimes the girl realizes you are looking at her and deliberately doesn't look back or even to the other side or on their phone. Oftentimes girls don't notice you are looking at them. Becoming aware of this behavior and getting a feel for it is important and I think there might be a point to why Chris placed this before the milestone.
Of course, this drill is much different from other drills because it encompasses and requires a whole array from looks, over style, over body language to facial expression to lastly eye contact. It will be much harder for some guys.
To improve my chances to be seen I put on a flashy outfit. A flower-t-shirt AND a double-rider leather jacket. I usually don't combine them. Due to the weather I was mostly wearing only the flower shirt though.
(for some reason I can't upload a pic right now, getting http error. check GLL log for the pic)
I was also lucky with the weather. Summer returned today and it was sunny and warm enough to chill in the park in a shirt. The parks, streets and river promenades were bursting with hot girls. Any day in the past week would have probably not gotten enough eye contacts to finish the drill.
I didn't want to skip the drill but I had doubts how long it would take me to do this, because you have to get eye contact from 16+ girls to be able to finish this. I intended to do it simultaneously with day 45 but turns out I am horrible at multi tasking so I deferred the day 45 reps to later in the day after the first few badly brought attempts and rejections.
I managed to do all required reps for day 44 plus the challenge. The number of girls that gave eye contact was vastly outnumbered by the girls that did not. I walked a lot today and could have talked to sooo many more chicks if I wasn't only shooting for eye contact. I considered doing day 46 simultaneously, but that overtaxed me both in terms of multitasking and anxiety. Somehow the anxiety increases a lot if you don't have a singular thing in mind.
Girls walking in the opposite directions were the main source of eye contact, but also some seated or otherwise localized ones.
Figuring out what is eye contact (including a "glance" according to Chris) was very difficult. I was hard to tell apart from just eyes crossing. I took the time the glance/eye-crossing lasted as the main indicator, if it was too short, I didn't go for it. Still though, many of the glances I did count were below one second if I had to guess. I also excluded some longer eye contact if the look was tired/empty and it was apparent to me that it was just a tired drifting look.
When doing the challenge rep, I realized I am bad at when it comes to winking and couldn't manage to do a sexy-looking wink in multiple attempts. Like closed both eyes instead of one. Gonna keep practicing that.
I also finished the day 45 reps. I had the perfect spot for it set up for the end of my day. It is a river promenade with large stairs on which a lot of young people sit to watch the sunset. The secret to this drill is smiling a lot and being happy and jumpy. Because of the perfect spot and momentum I did 9 of the 12 reps in under 15 minutes.
The day 45 drills weren't all that special to me, felt very much like day 43 to me. Chris says that most guys probably talked to groups on every 10th drill during the program. For me it was more like every 2nd to 3rd one, so today was not special at all. On day 43 I usually high-fived the whole group anyways when I did approach a group. I only did duos today, on day 43 I remember at least one larger group. So day 45 went over pretty easily.
HOLY SHIT. I did two of the arguably hardest days up to the milestone day in ONE DAY. It took me like 3h 15min but the last half hour was for the very last rep. Took forever because it was after sunset but I was a stubborn motherfucker and wanted to finish both days. So I didn't only do it, but also fast. Tomorrow, I am planning to beat the milestone day.
The day 45 audio was insightful. The techniques for winning over the girls friends are pretty nice and I’m gonna give them a shot sometimes. I just gotta become better at lying.
The notion that it’s pretty much pointless to talk to groups if you are shooting for the instalay during the day resonates very well with me. It’s not only about logistics, but also so much about judgment by the friends. You have to win them over as well. This reminds me of the job I did recently, where I was approaching strangers to convince them to donate to charity. I quickly learned that it is pretty much pointless to stop anyone who was not traveling alone. The chance that one of them wanted to keep moving was just so high and you would have to deal with all their bullshit objections as well, basically convince both. Convincing doesn’t work on the rational but on the emotional level and connecting emotionally with multiple people at once in such a convo is incredibly hard. Just another similarity between cold approach and sales.
offwego said:*4.5 hours pass with ice cream break in the middle*
“I feel good about today’s performance” - Me
*52 minutes pass*
“Phew. That drill took forever!” - Cain
offwego said:
You should. They are good.
- Joined
- Jun 5, 2020
CainGettingLaid said:
There's a lot.
CainGettingLaid said:
Cuz it was taking guys 6+ hours to get enough eye contact for a day that has absolutely no impact on approach-capability.
Im still waiting for someone to explain why waiting for an IOI before an approach is a good idea. Chris called it efficient, but Im starting to think he's mixing up night game stuff with day game stuff. It's not quite the same. I'd rather just talk to everyone.
...
One more day.
CainGettingLaid
Member
- Joined
- May 2, 2021
Day 46. Milestone day:
I made it. I fucking made it.
I finished the milestone day drills.
Finishing this program is, hands down, the hardest-earned achievement of my life. On paper, I have achievements that others would be super proud of, like having developed healthy eating habits, like being fairly lean, like getting straight A’s in my final years of high-school, or like writing a superb Bachelors’ thesis with actual research content.
But I am more proud of this one.
This took an amount of dedication and pain I have not invested in anything else before.
I am proud of doing all the daytime challenges.
I am even more proud of not letting a bunch of excuses in my way. I was not scared off by one of the arguably worst and most unlikely responses when some stupid chick called the cops on me because she thought me giving out high-fives was suspicious. I was not scared off when I re-approached girls a second time and they recognized me. I was not held off from doing retarded drills that got lost in translation to German. I did not let my energy and stress problems stop me from finishing this program. I slowed it to my pace and got a bunch of obstacles out of my way, I even quit my job in part because I wanted to focus on this. I did not let my skin condition around the eyes stop me from doing this which made me look like a little like a clown on many days. I did not let covid stop me. I am the first to finish the program with ALL drills, including physical drills, nighttime drills and day 44 since covid. I finished the first two nighttime drills on a sitting crowd in bars with mandatory seating because the clubs were not yet open. The covid excuse is no longer valid for anyone. No fucking excuses.
The program made me grow immensely. I could not have IMAGINED doing what I can do now 5 months ago.
Furthermore, the program brought me to my limits multiple times, especially in terms of stress. Exposure therapy is stressful. The program stressed me out insanely multiple times and I now know slightly better how to manage my stress.
What might possibly be more important than both these points is that I have become comfortable with discomfort. It is some sort of mindset which is forged inside you by the repeated confrontation of your fear. This mindset can help me achieve so many things. When you are more comfortable with the discomfort of leaving your comfort zone than suffering inside it, then you will keep moving.
Thanks and wishes:
- Thanks to everyone who pitched in on my log and my style questions through comments or likes (in no particular order): RogerRoger, Charmander007, 1v1meKid, play_time_is_over, Radical, Gabi, Vice, GettinItAll, YouBetYourCottonPanties, Sin Silver, honeybadger, TylerDurden1995, Crisis_Overcomer , Jacobpalmer123, Holden, WhiteBear, slickbackhair, Gabo, DanielWhiting, Crypto, Adam, Rise, NewFoundResolve, Sisyphus, Sam Jeu, Spazdig, JinderS, TimmyTurner, lexluther_999, canderson, Jenson, Sprezza, Reservoir, colgate, Dewm
- Thank you to many more who inspired me through their logs
- Thank you Manganiello and Toast. You were an inspiration because you recently finished the program. And you kept pushing and motivating me over and over again.
- Special thanks goes to offwego. Following the AA path with you simultaneously made me feel less alone. And it fueled my ambition to not fall too far behind you during the times you pulled ahead. Finishing the program simultaneously with you is an honor, Asim.
- Thanks to KillYourInnerLoser for providing this forum and reviving/strengthening a GLL-style community. Connecting with all the guys from above might not have been possible otherwise.
- RIP to all the bros that dropped out along the way. Some found other ways to chip at their AA, others just vanished. If you haven’t almost entirely crushed your AA, then I hope you can come back and defeat your fears too. I’m rooting for you.
- To all those that are considering to do this program: DO IT.
Most of all I want to thank Chris aka GoodLookingLoser. Thank you for your site, it has been life-changing for me. This program is well-crafted and made me overcome the fear that felt most constraining to my life. Even though I have never exchanged a single word with you, reading so much of your stuff and listening to those audios makes it feel like you are indeed the older brother I never had.
Thank you Chris, seriously.
As a tribute, I bought a bandana like you used to wear and put in on for the last three sets of today’s drills. Made myself look like a fucking idiot. Now I kinda like it though.
(getting an error when trying to load in the pic. check it out over on GLL: https://www.goodlookingloser.com/forums/beat-approach-anxiety/144541-cain-s-aa-journal-day-46-milestone-day?start=60#334565 )
Lastly, I want to thank myself. After all, I am the only person that can and will substantially improve my life. After all, it was me who went out and did like 1000 drill approaches. Thank you Cain for finally beating the lion’s share of your AA and not being a fucking pussy anymore.
I made it. I fucking made it.
I finished the milestone day drills.
Finishing this program is, hands down, the hardest-earned achievement of my life. On paper, I have achievements that others would be super proud of, like having developed healthy eating habits, like being fairly lean, like getting straight A’s in my final years of high-school, or like writing a superb Bachelors’ thesis with actual research content.
But I am more proud of this one.
This took an amount of dedication and pain I have not invested in anything else before.
I am proud of doing all the daytime challenges.
I am even more proud of not letting a bunch of excuses in my way. I was not scared off by one of the arguably worst and most unlikely responses when some stupid chick called the cops on me because she thought me giving out high-fives was suspicious. I was not scared off when I re-approached girls a second time and they recognized me. I was not held off from doing retarded drills that got lost in translation to German. I did not let my energy and stress problems stop me from finishing this program. I slowed it to my pace and got a bunch of obstacles out of my way, I even quit my job in part because I wanted to focus on this. I did not let my skin condition around the eyes stop me from doing this which made me look like a little like a clown on many days. I did not let covid stop me. I am the first to finish the program with ALL drills, including physical drills, nighttime drills and day 44 since covid. I finished the first two nighttime drills on a sitting crowd in bars with mandatory seating because the clubs were not yet open. The covid excuse is no longer valid for anyone. No fucking excuses.
The program made me grow immensely. I could not have IMAGINED doing what I can do now 5 months ago.
Furthermore, the program brought me to my limits multiple times, especially in terms of stress. Exposure therapy is stressful. The program stressed me out insanely multiple times and I now know slightly better how to manage my stress.
What might possibly be more important than both these points is that I have become comfortable with discomfort. It is some sort of mindset which is forged inside you by the repeated confrontation of your fear. This mindset can help me achieve so many things. When you are more comfortable with the discomfort of leaving your comfort zone than suffering inside it, then you will keep moving.
Thanks and wishes:
- Thanks to everyone who pitched in on my log and my style questions through comments or likes (in no particular order): RogerRoger, Charmander007, 1v1meKid, play_time_is_over, Radical, Gabi, Vice, GettinItAll, YouBetYourCottonPanties, Sin Silver, honeybadger, TylerDurden1995, Crisis_Overcomer , Jacobpalmer123, Holden, WhiteBear, slickbackhair, Gabo, DanielWhiting, Crypto, Adam, Rise, NewFoundResolve, Sisyphus, Sam Jeu, Spazdig, JinderS, TimmyTurner, lexluther_999, canderson, Jenson, Sprezza, Reservoir, colgate, Dewm
- Thank you to many more who inspired me through their logs
- Thank you Manganiello and Toast. You were an inspiration because you recently finished the program. And you kept pushing and motivating me over and over again.
- Special thanks goes to offwego. Following the AA path with you simultaneously made me feel less alone. And it fueled my ambition to not fall too far behind you during the times you pulled ahead. Finishing the program simultaneously with you is an honor, Asim.
- Thanks to KillYourInnerLoser for providing this forum and reviving/strengthening a GLL-style community. Connecting with all the guys from above might not have been possible otherwise.
- RIP to all the bros that dropped out along the way. Some found other ways to chip at their AA, others just vanished. If you haven’t almost entirely crushed your AA, then I hope you can come back and defeat your fears too. I’m rooting for you.
- To all those that are considering to do this program: DO IT.
Most of all I want to thank Chris aka GoodLookingLoser. Thank you for your site, it has been life-changing for me. This program is well-crafted and made me overcome the fear that felt most constraining to my life. Even though I have never exchanged a single word with you, reading so much of your stuff and listening to those audios makes it feel like you are indeed the older brother I never had.
Thank you Chris, seriously.
As a tribute, I bought a bandana like you used to wear and put in on for the last three sets of today’s drills. Made myself look like a fucking idiot. Now I kinda like it though.
(getting an error when trying to load in the pic. check it out over on GLL: https://www.goodlookingloser.com/forums/beat-approach-anxiety/144541-cain-s-aa-journal-day-46-milestone-day?start=60#334565 )
Lastly, I want to thank myself. After all, I am the only person that can and will substantially improve my life. After all, it was me who went out and did like 1000 drill approaches. Thank you Cain for finally beating the lion’s share of your AA and not being a fucking pussy anymore.
offwego
Member
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2021
Still crazy that we reached the milestone the same day. Even the same time I believe, 7PM. Once you get adjusted, we should continue the group chat for cold approaches. A guy with your prowess definitely won't need it—but it will be fun.
Yes he is. We got to watch Cain go through drills like clockwork!
Sprezza said:
Yes he is. We got to watch Cain go through drills like clockwork!
- Joined
- Jun 5, 2020
Fucking congrats!!
Great job man.
This is such a rare accomplishment.
You now have a skill 99.99% guys wish they had but dont... I hope that sinks in because its a litmus test of the caliber of stuff you can now dare to aspire to.
It's not a pipe dream. You can actually do what everybody else wants to but can't.
You're done the AA program.
But really, everything is just beginning.
Great job man.
This is such a rare accomplishment.
That's exactly how I felt when I was done.CainGettingLaid said:
You now have a skill 99.99% guys wish they had but dont... I hope that sinks in because its a litmus test of the caliber of stuff you can now dare to aspire to.
It's not a pipe dream. You can actually do what everybody else wants to but can't.
You're done the AA program.
But really, everything is just beginning.
Toast
Member
- Joined
- Feb 4, 2021
Congrats!Amazing job my dude!
Arguably one of the most intense interactions that someone has gotten with the new wave of people completing the program. Only makes you that much stronger that you came back full force. Super impressed by your tenacity when this happened.CainGettingLaid said:
I'm excited to see where you go from here.
RogerRoger
Member
- Joined
- Jun 6, 2020
Good work dude.
Few stick with the program to completion. You're part of the elite now. Definitely keep improving - get to the highest level of elite you can be.
But definitely reward yourself for this accomplishment.
Few stick with the program to completion. You're part of the elite now. Definitely keep improving - get to the highest level of elite you can be.
But definitely reward yourself for this accomplishment.
CainGettingLaid
Member
- Joined
- May 2, 2021
1 year after AA review (Part 1/2): Skyrocketing lay count and increasingly player-style lays
I finished the AA program about a year ago. For all those considering to do the program, I am typing up this post to tell you that it is worth it.
I’m splitting this post up into two posts because it’s quite extensive, but I believe it is very much worth a read as a reference experience and inspiration.
In this first post I’ll first talk numbers and the kind of lays I got. In the second post I will discuss how my attitudes and skills have developed in the past year and what I have learned.
Hard numbers: My lays so far
Here’s the timeline of my lifetime lays:
2018: 2
2019: 0
2020: 2
2021 Jan-April: 2
--- 2021 Apr - Sept: AA program---
2021 Okt - 2022 Sept: 10
Technically, it has been a bit longer than a year since I finished the AA program but I typed up most of this at exactly one year after the AA program. Also all the stats are from the 1 year cutoff.
I’m gonna give a very short summary of each of the lays. This way you can get an idea of how fundamentally the kinds of lays have changed since the AA program. It’s legit player shit now. And no online dating used at all, no extensive social circle needed.
Lays before the AA program
Lay#1: Online dating app badoo in Vietnam, 31yo Vietnamese women, came directly to my place after having a short video call. Watched 2 movies during which I was too scared to make a move. She then put on the movie “friends with benefits” as the third movie and sang with the intro song “let’s be friends with benefits”. That’s how much it took for me to move in for the kiss. Then we banged.
Lay#2: Online dating app badoo in Vietnam, 18yo Vietnamese women. Met her for drinks, then went into the city for food, then back to my place. This was ironically exactly the day after I lost my virginity to the 31yo.
Lay#3: Girl that I had known from a social club I was leading in university. 21 if I’m not mistaken, Chines girl. Had known her for a while but not close. Was in the process of exhausting my opportunities in my social circles, it was right after first covid lockdown. Invited her to go hiking, afterwards invited her for cooking at my place, then we watched a movie while sitting on my bed and I kissed her during it and we hooked up
Lay#4: The girl was the sister of a girl in my broader friend group. 23yo I think, German girl. I met her at a house party. She was in a relationship and she lived in another city, she was just visiting her sister. Nothing happened. However, I must have made an impression, because she got my number from her sister and then contacted me when she was single again. Next time she visited her sister, we hooked up.
Lay#5: Chubby girl I met on Tinder. 23 or 24 back then I think, half Malaysian, half Filipino. Met her for a walking coffee date during second covid lockdown, then we went back to my place and fucked.
Lay#6: Girl that I had known from a social club I was leading in university, 18yo, German. Had only seen her online in group settings though so far, was during second covid lockdown. Met for a walking coffee date and then we went to my place and fucked.
So to summarize, it was 6 lays, half from online, half from a broader social circle.
The two Vietnamese online lays I mostly credit to foreigner bonus, because my pictures were really bad, they would not even have gotten me matches in my home country. The one lay I got here in Germany was really chubby. The social circle lays were probably somehow mediated through social status, I was taking on a leadership position in all three cases, even at the house party (I am very sociable and dominant at house parties).
Lays after finishing the AA program
Lay#7: Went to a house party with a friend as a +1, knew noone else there. Socialized like a madman and hit on a couple girls. Met a 24yo German girl there and took her home with me that night.
Lay#8: Invited over a girl from my Masters degree program to cook at my place, 23yo, Georgian. Had only met her once before at a party where we danced a bit. Hooked up.
Lay#9: Cold approached her in the street, opening with the direct “Hey, you’re cute”, 20yo, German girl. 3 minutes of chitchat, agreed on a date for the next afternoon on the spot. Took her for a walking coffee date through the park that day and afterwards we went to my place, sat on my bed, kissed her after a few minutes, hooked up.
Lay #10: She was staying in the same hostel 6-bed-room as me when I was doing travel work, 24 yo I think, Japanese tourist. Invited her for a “date”-drink down at the hostel bar. Then went upstairs to an empty common room to make out, she was too shy for it when I tried it in the bar. Then went up to our room which was luckily empty. Hung up some sheets around the bunk bed and hooked up.
Lay#11: Cold approached her in the street with the direct “Hey, you’re cute”, took her number, texted her the next day and agreed for a date another day after, 28yo, German girl. Walking coffee date, then back to my place, gave her a massage, then hooked up.
Lay#12: Was hiking in the forest without even a shirt because it was hot. Was in a shitty antisocial mood, which is why I went to the forest. Then saw a cute girl hiking too. Approached her indirectly, asked her where she’s going and whether she wants to stroll along for a bit. 24 yo Canadian tourist. We had a non-alcoholic drink at a restaurant in the forest, then hiked back, kissed her on a bench with a great sight on the city, then walked her like another 5km back to my place. On the way stopped on a bridge to cuddle and look at the stars, then went to my place and had sex.
Lay#13: Met a girl at a house party, 25yo German girl. Made out with her and tried to pull her to one of the rooms, but she didn’t want to. Disengaged and later came back to her. Danced with her so steamily on a small dance floor in one of the rooms that gradually all the other people left the room. Closed the door and fumbled on the bed. Idiots kept peeking inside so I locked the door, but she didn’t want to fuck there. She also didn’t want to go to my place or hers. Proposed to get some fresh air, hoping to connect more deeply without other people around and then maybe being able to take her home. But she didn’t budge. Made out on a stone bench, then carried her to some beer benches that were standing in the middle of three student housing units in plain sight from many of the windows. Pulled out my dick and she jerked it, but she was still feeling to shy to let me finger her. Stood her up, bend her over the table and rubbed her pussy through her hotpants, then pushed them aside, fingered her, and then tried to put it inside. She stopped me to put on a condom but then I was good to go. People were walking by 20 meters away. Made her squirt on one of the tables. Crazy story.
Lay#14: Had met the girl at a barbecue event for international student, she was a 21yo British au-pair. Went to swim in the lake that night, I basically saved her from drowning. Met her a few days later within a social setting again, then asked her out for a few days later. Went for a walking coffee date a week after meeting her, then went to my place and fucked. Personal highlight for me was that she is a natural ginger (at least in summer). I have a thing for gingers but never managed to get one beforehand.
Lay#15: In summer in the mornings I oftentimes go to a park to reset my inner clock, do some stretching and meditation. Saw a girl there who was chilling on a blanket. Brazilian high-school girl, but German ancestry, so looked German. Chatted her up the second time I saw her, the first time I was tired and in a shit mood. During the short chitchat, she said she had some pains somewhere, which I used to touch her. She wasn’t wearing a bra, her nipples got hard. Asked her whether she wants to grab some breakfast but she declined. Took her number. She texted me twice but I didn’t feel like replying because I knew I’d meet her in person again anyways. Next time we saw I joined her on her blanket, we cuddled and kissed. I proposed to give her a massage, took her back to my place, and we fucked.
Lay#16: Was clubbing with friends. Saw hot girl who was there with one guy. My friend thought he was her boyfriend, but I was certain he was just a beta orbiter. At some point she was alone, the guy was in the restroom. I hit on her, she was receptive to touch but said she can’t spend time with me because she promised her friend to spend time with him. Took her number once the dude came back from the restroom and she returned her attention to him. He tried to cockblock me and typed in a fake number for her. But she wanted to give me her real number and pulled out her phone to look it up and gave it to me. I told her I’d come back later and went back to my friends. Checked to see if the number was real, there was no Whatsapp connected. Later turned out it was a legit typo but I somewhat gave up on pursuing her at that point. On the way home with my friends in the city, she walked up to me. She had just brought her friend to the train station and had seen me walking nearby. Asked me what I was doing. Said I was gonna go home but instead I’ll get another drink with her. Asked her where she wants to go, she said it’s up to me. I said let’s go get a wine at my place, simply started walking, already had my arm around her (“Killer instinct” from GLL kicked in!). Her “are you sure?”. I didn't hesitate or stop, kept walking. Me “yeah I got a really good wine”. Walked her 15min to my place, making out on the way. Didn’t drink wine, hooked up straight away.
Summary of the type of lays: Player shit I couldn’t even imagine before the AA program. No serious social circle required. No online dating used. 10 lays in a year.
I went from 6 lays in the first 25 years of my life, more than 3 years since loosing my virginity, to 16 lays in just one year. The AA program boosted my sex life like crazy.
In the next post I’ll talk about how my skills and attitudes have changed from before the AA program to one year after the AA program and what I've learned.
I finished the AA program about a year ago. For all those considering to do the program, I am typing up this post to tell you that it is worth it.
I’m splitting this post up into two posts because it’s quite extensive, but I believe it is very much worth a read as a reference experience and inspiration.
In this first post I’ll first talk numbers and the kind of lays I got. In the second post I will discuss how my attitudes and skills have developed in the past year and what I have learned.
Hard numbers: My lays so far
Here’s the timeline of my lifetime lays:
2018: 2
2019: 0
2020: 2
2021 Jan-April: 2
--- 2021 Apr - Sept: AA program---
2021 Okt - 2022 Sept: 10
Technically, it has been a bit longer than a year since I finished the AA program but I typed up most of this at exactly one year after the AA program. Also all the stats are from the 1 year cutoff.
I’m gonna give a very short summary of each of the lays. This way you can get an idea of how fundamentally the kinds of lays have changed since the AA program. It’s legit player shit now. And no online dating used at all, no extensive social circle needed.
Lays before the AA program
Lay#1: Online dating app badoo in Vietnam, 31yo Vietnamese women, came directly to my place after having a short video call. Watched 2 movies during which I was too scared to make a move. She then put on the movie “friends with benefits” as the third movie and sang with the intro song “let’s be friends with benefits”. That’s how much it took for me to move in for the kiss. Then we banged.
Lay#2: Online dating app badoo in Vietnam, 18yo Vietnamese women. Met her for drinks, then went into the city for food, then back to my place. This was ironically exactly the day after I lost my virginity to the 31yo.
Lay#3: Girl that I had known from a social club I was leading in university. 21 if I’m not mistaken, Chines girl. Had known her for a while but not close. Was in the process of exhausting my opportunities in my social circles, it was right after first covid lockdown. Invited her to go hiking, afterwards invited her for cooking at my place, then we watched a movie while sitting on my bed and I kissed her during it and we hooked up
Lay#4: The girl was the sister of a girl in my broader friend group. 23yo I think, German girl. I met her at a house party. She was in a relationship and she lived in another city, she was just visiting her sister. Nothing happened. However, I must have made an impression, because she got my number from her sister and then contacted me when she was single again. Next time she visited her sister, we hooked up.
Lay#5: Chubby girl I met on Tinder. 23 or 24 back then I think, half Malaysian, half Filipino. Met her for a walking coffee date during second covid lockdown, then we went back to my place and fucked.
Lay#6: Girl that I had known from a social club I was leading in university, 18yo, German. Had only seen her online in group settings though so far, was during second covid lockdown. Met for a walking coffee date and then we went to my place and fucked.
So to summarize, it was 6 lays, half from online, half from a broader social circle.
The two Vietnamese online lays I mostly credit to foreigner bonus, because my pictures were really bad, they would not even have gotten me matches in my home country. The one lay I got here in Germany was really chubby. The social circle lays were probably somehow mediated through social status, I was taking on a leadership position in all three cases, even at the house party (I am very sociable and dominant at house parties).
Lays after finishing the AA program
Lay#7: Went to a house party with a friend as a +1, knew noone else there. Socialized like a madman and hit on a couple girls. Met a 24yo German girl there and took her home with me that night.
Lay#8: Invited over a girl from my Masters degree program to cook at my place, 23yo, Georgian. Had only met her once before at a party where we danced a bit. Hooked up.
Lay#9: Cold approached her in the street, opening with the direct “Hey, you’re cute”, 20yo, German girl. 3 minutes of chitchat, agreed on a date for the next afternoon on the spot. Took her for a walking coffee date through the park that day and afterwards we went to my place, sat on my bed, kissed her after a few minutes, hooked up.
Lay #10: She was staying in the same hostel 6-bed-room as me when I was doing travel work, 24 yo I think, Japanese tourist. Invited her for a “date”-drink down at the hostel bar. Then went upstairs to an empty common room to make out, she was too shy for it when I tried it in the bar. Then went up to our room which was luckily empty. Hung up some sheets around the bunk bed and hooked up.
Lay#11: Cold approached her in the street with the direct “Hey, you’re cute”, took her number, texted her the next day and agreed for a date another day after, 28yo, German girl. Walking coffee date, then back to my place, gave her a massage, then hooked up.
Lay#12: Was hiking in the forest without even a shirt because it was hot. Was in a shitty antisocial mood, which is why I went to the forest. Then saw a cute girl hiking too. Approached her indirectly, asked her where she’s going and whether she wants to stroll along for a bit. 24 yo Canadian tourist. We had a non-alcoholic drink at a restaurant in the forest, then hiked back, kissed her on a bench with a great sight on the city, then walked her like another 5km back to my place. On the way stopped on a bridge to cuddle and look at the stars, then went to my place and had sex.
Lay#13: Met a girl at a house party, 25yo German girl. Made out with her and tried to pull her to one of the rooms, but she didn’t want to. Disengaged and later came back to her. Danced with her so steamily on a small dance floor in one of the rooms that gradually all the other people left the room. Closed the door and fumbled on the bed. Idiots kept peeking inside so I locked the door, but she didn’t want to fuck there. She also didn’t want to go to my place or hers. Proposed to get some fresh air, hoping to connect more deeply without other people around and then maybe being able to take her home. But she didn’t budge. Made out on a stone bench, then carried her to some beer benches that were standing in the middle of three student housing units in plain sight from many of the windows. Pulled out my dick and she jerked it, but she was still feeling to shy to let me finger her. Stood her up, bend her over the table and rubbed her pussy through her hotpants, then pushed them aside, fingered her, and then tried to put it inside. She stopped me to put on a condom but then I was good to go. People were walking by 20 meters away. Made her squirt on one of the tables. Crazy story.
Lay#14: Had met the girl at a barbecue event for international student, she was a 21yo British au-pair. Went to swim in the lake that night, I basically saved her from drowning. Met her a few days later within a social setting again, then asked her out for a few days later. Went for a walking coffee date a week after meeting her, then went to my place and fucked. Personal highlight for me was that she is a natural ginger (at least in summer). I have a thing for gingers but never managed to get one beforehand.
Lay#15: In summer in the mornings I oftentimes go to a park to reset my inner clock, do some stretching and meditation. Saw a girl there who was chilling on a blanket. Brazilian high-school girl, but German ancestry, so looked German. Chatted her up the second time I saw her, the first time I was tired and in a shit mood. During the short chitchat, she said she had some pains somewhere, which I used to touch her. She wasn’t wearing a bra, her nipples got hard. Asked her whether she wants to grab some breakfast but she declined. Took her number. She texted me twice but I didn’t feel like replying because I knew I’d meet her in person again anyways. Next time we saw I joined her on her blanket, we cuddled and kissed. I proposed to give her a massage, took her back to my place, and we fucked.
Lay#16: Was clubbing with friends. Saw hot girl who was there with one guy. My friend thought he was her boyfriend, but I was certain he was just a beta orbiter. At some point she was alone, the guy was in the restroom. I hit on her, she was receptive to touch but said she can’t spend time with me because she promised her friend to spend time with him. Took her number once the dude came back from the restroom and she returned her attention to him. He tried to cockblock me and typed in a fake number for her. But she wanted to give me her real number and pulled out her phone to look it up and gave it to me. I told her I’d come back later and went back to my friends. Checked to see if the number was real, there was no Whatsapp connected. Later turned out it was a legit typo but I somewhat gave up on pursuing her at that point. On the way home with my friends in the city, she walked up to me. She had just brought her friend to the train station and had seen me walking nearby. Asked me what I was doing. Said I was gonna go home but instead I’ll get another drink with her. Asked her where she wants to go, she said it’s up to me. I said let’s go get a wine at my place, simply started walking, already had my arm around her (“Killer instinct” from GLL kicked in!). Her “are you sure?”. I didn't hesitate or stop, kept walking. Me “yeah I got a really good wine”. Walked her 15min to my place, making out on the way. Didn’t drink wine, hooked up straight away.
Summary of the type of lays: Player shit I couldn’t even imagine before the AA program. No serious social circle required. No online dating used. 10 lays in a year.
I went from 6 lays in the first 25 years of my life, more than 3 years since loosing my virginity, to 16 lays in just one year. The AA program boosted my sex life like crazy.
In the next post I’ll talk about how my skills and attitudes have changed from before the AA program to one year after the AA program and what I've learned.
Aspire2Greatness
Member
- Joined
- Sep 13, 2021
Great to have you back on the forums! And thanks for sharing your post-aa lays. Has me thinking that I should do the program after I've moved - even though moving to Oslo in itself will boost my sexlife for sure.
CainGettingLaid
Member
- Joined
- May 2, 2021
1 year after AA review (Part 1/2): Changes in skills, attitudes, learnings, ...
In the last post I talked about numbers and the kind of lays I got since the AA program. Short summaries of all my 16 lifetime lays. Great stories, worth a read.
This post is about the deeper stuff, my attitudes, my perspective on dating and things I have learned. I can’t cover everything but I will mention a few important points. I’ll try to not repeat points I already made in my day 46 post.
My approach experience (still very limited)
However, first some more stats so you can better put my opinion and experience in context.
I stopped exactly counting cold approaches after my second cold approach lay (at roughly approach number 360 if I remember correctly). I should be at about 500-600 daytime cold approaches about now. You could count 4 lays towards that (two street cold approach, one in the park, one in the forest).
Comparing to others in the community, the ratio seems to be average. Not too proud about the number of approaches, I wanted to be at more, but that’s the way it is. I get on average like 1 number out of 6 approaches. Most numbers go nowhere. I got around 30 dates out of daytime cold approach.
I also got a about a couple hundred nighttime approaches by now. Completely different game and setting. Didn’t try to take numbers most of the time at night, the times I did, they were dead ends. I got 1 nightgame lay. Not counting the two house party lays here, that is not cold approach.
What has changed, what I learned
1. First things first, if you are able to cold approach and do it frequently or occasionally, you will grow the mindset that you are a fucking player. Most of your friends can’t do this and are terrified by the thought. You will get a different sense of abundance regarding women.
2. Overall dating experience: I got a SHITTON (ca. 30) of dates out of my cold approaches, my ability to convert them to lays is still lacking. However, over the time my fear of going on dates and my nervousness on them vanished to almost zero. I got better at pulling the trigger, being forward. I had many missed chances, fucked up many times. You can’t learn without fucking up. Getting all these dates for experience is incredibly valuable. To me, it showed that I apparently get lots of dates, but my conversion of dates to sex is fucking horrible. Current working point. Will get to this topic in my log at some point.
3. Experience carryover: The experiences you gather in cold approach make you more confident in all other kinds of dating, in social life, in life in general.
4. Rejection tolerance: It keeps increasing the more I do this. The rejections during cold approach hardly even phases me. Like whatever. It’s seriously amazing. Something I am still getting desensitized towards is ghosting.
5. Handling hookup culture: My first one-night stand was my lay #12, the first time there was no second meeting even though it was possible was lay #13. This seems to be unusually late and I got confronted with this reality of modern dating quite delayed. Of course, some of the first 10 lays also were only a couple meetings, but still I must say it hurts more when there isn’t even a second time of meeting with sex. Simply by the amount of lays now though I am SLOWLY getting emotionally used to this and being able to not take it super personally. Once again, without the AA program I would have not gotten many of these lays.
6. This might be an odd point, but some of the lays I got exactly when I was NOT working super hard on getting laid. I believe that trying very hard can shine through. I am not saying you should not be trying very hard. It still works. But I have gotten to the point of experience where despite not trying hard, I can identify opportunities and call forward my skills when they become necessary and seal the deal. Also, the ability to even be relaxed in this regard and not be overly tense arises from experience and the confidence you get from there.
7. Both mass approaching and occasional approaching have their place. Mass approaching makes you give less of a fuck and gives you experience and lets you overcome the rest bits of your AA. Towards the end of a session your social momentum is high and you might have some of the best approaches. Sometimes I set myself explicit goals like 15 approaches, then when I was on the way home I approached some more just because I was in the zone. During these I was both in social momentum and also relaxed because I had no fixed goal in mind. These loose end approaches had vastly better conversion rates than the others. Occasional approaching on your way to things you would do anyways (gym, work, whatever) carries this aspect of relaxation and more natural feeling and it seems to me like they have slightly better conversion rates than mass approaches. Also, you don’t need to go out of your way and take time for them. Then again mass approach crushes those conversion rates by sheer volume.
8. How much credit to all this is really due to the AA program? First of all, if you can properly approach with direct game without the AA program, do that. No need to go through the motions just for the sake of it. Work on increasing your volume instead. Secondly, a lot. Sure, optimizing Tinder could also have given me many dates. But you are missing the real-life interaction leading up to the date (which builds confidence). And the mood is set differently from the beginning if you cold approached her instead of swiping from an app. Not saying don’t use Tinder (I’ll restart doing that soon as well), but it’s not the same. Thirdly, the AA program audios and practice contain valuable lessons that I will never forget. Fourthly, holy shit it’s so hard to disentangle analytically what can be attributed to the AA program. I can’t tell 100%. Maybe simply take my story as an example of how transformation could happen with the AA program.
9. However, some of the credit is also due to other things. I was part of approach groups that pushed me and helped me get some encouragement when I felt down because of the fucked up modern dating dynamic. I was also in close contact to other active, more experience players and this was even more important. Try to connect with other cold approachers. I didn’t have the opportunity to cold approach with a wingman in daytime until doing it for the first time this week. Do that too, if you get the chance.
10. Doing lots of cold approach gives you not only a feeling of abundance, but through seeing all the predictable interactions, all the bullshit and so on, you really develop a no fucks given attitude and your willingness to deal with female BS drops hardcore.
11. You will become more of a player and you will start believing it. Your friends will tell it to you, girls will tell it to you. Nice. Sometimes not so nice because guys will get jealous and judge you. Fuck em though.
12. Doing any hard longish-term project, including fixing your dating life on all fronts, really makes you face your demons. Chris was absolutely right about this. You have to face so many of your own problems on the way and it makes you grow as a man. https://web.archive.org/web/20220714012413/https://www.goodlookingloser.com/laid/index/this-process-will-strip-you-down-and-force-you-to-confront-your-demons
13. Approach anxiety is moderately specific. If you loose your daytime approach anxiety, you might still have leftover nightgame anxiety. I did. If you only approach single unoccupied girls, you might be afraid to approach girls that are in duos, groups, with males, with mothers, on their phone, on their bike, whatever. You will still have to push yourself to do these. But the jump is doable and it only takes few repetitions to loose those anxieties fully.
14. One can philosophize about the reasons my retention got worse. I think the main reason is that I have managed to hook up with girls that were not really available for anything long-term and I would not have had the skill, looks and vibe to bang them beforehand. Beforehand my retention wasn’t much better, I just only managed to bang the girls that are retainable/easier to retain.
15. Despite my retention suffering, I have had a very consistent sex life. I had 1 or 2 fuckbuddies almost all the time. The longest time without sex was 15 days. I had 64 occasions of sex in the year (most with multiple rounds of sex). There were times were I had too much sex (yes this exists, new experience to me!).
16. The quality of girls has improved. This was a bit of a surprise to me. GLL said: “on average, when you start, the girls you get from 'cold approach' will be less attractive than those in your peer groups you have fucked in the past” https://web.archive.org/web/20220531120020/https://www.goodlookingloser.com/laid/picking-up-women/how-to-lower-your-standards-and-keep-your-dignity-and-boner
This was not true for me. The average increased and I have had sex with some actually hot girls by now. Of course, this was in part caused by me improving my looks simultaneously.
17. Screening takes time to master. It truly is a mindset that you grow into. I’m progressing, but not all the way there.
18. Actual approach anxiety: Pretty much fucking gone. Sometimes I used to be and still am slightly anxious before going out but it never turns into a problem where it stops me from approaching. Just recently I have had a big-ass revelation when looking deeper. What I felt was often not even AA, but instead the fear of my AA coming back. Pretty absurd, huh. But yeah, it doesn’t come back, never to a scarry degree.
You should learn to cold approach
That was a lot of random points in fairly random order. Maybe you learned a thing or two, maybe it inspired you.
To every single guy out there, I recommend learning and doing cold approach. If your fear is to vast and you can’t do it after trying, do the AA program. It will change your life.
FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO DO THE PROGRAM
At the point of writing this, the GLL website is down. And it seems like it might stay down for good. The articles from the AA program are still available on the Wayback Archive and the Red Pill archive. The audios from the AA program are still available on GoodLookingLooser Soundcloud. But that might eventually be taken down.
I took the time to download them all and I have also backed up the articles locally. Should they ever vanish from the web, you can reach out to me and I’ll send them to you.
In the last post I talked about numbers and the kind of lays I got since the AA program. Short summaries of all my 16 lifetime lays. Great stories, worth a read.
This post is about the deeper stuff, my attitudes, my perspective on dating and things I have learned. I can’t cover everything but I will mention a few important points. I’ll try to not repeat points I already made in my day 46 post.
My approach experience (still very limited)
However, first some more stats so you can better put my opinion and experience in context.
I stopped exactly counting cold approaches after my second cold approach lay (at roughly approach number 360 if I remember correctly). I should be at about 500-600 daytime cold approaches about now. You could count 4 lays towards that (two street cold approach, one in the park, one in the forest).
Comparing to others in the community, the ratio seems to be average. Not too proud about the number of approaches, I wanted to be at more, but that’s the way it is. I get on average like 1 number out of 6 approaches. Most numbers go nowhere. I got around 30 dates out of daytime cold approach.
I also got a about a couple hundred nighttime approaches by now. Completely different game and setting. Didn’t try to take numbers most of the time at night, the times I did, they were dead ends. I got 1 nightgame lay. Not counting the two house party lays here, that is not cold approach.
What has changed, what I learned
1. First things first, if you are able to cold approach and do it frequently or occasionally, you will grow the mindset that you are a fucking player. Most of your friends can’t do this and are terrified by the thought. You will get a different sense of abundance regarding women.
2. Overall dating experience: I got a SHITTON (ca. 30) of dates out of my cold approaches, my ability to convert them to lays is still lacking. However, over the time my fear of going on dates and my nervousness on them vanished to almost zero. I got better at pulling the trigger, being forward. I had many missed chances, fucked up many times. You can’t learn without fucking up. Getting all these dates for experience is incredibly valuable. To me, it showed that I apparently get lots of dates, but my conversion of dates to sex is fucking horrible. Current working point. Will get to this topic in my log at some point.
3. Experience carryover: The experiences you gather in cold approach make you more confident in all other kinds of dating, in social life, in life in general.
4. Rejection tolerance: It keeps increasing the more I do this. The rejections during cold approach hardly even phases me. Like whatever. It’s seriously amazing. Something I am still getting desensitized towards is ghosting.
5. Handling hookup culture: My first one-night stand was my lay #12, the first time there was no second meeting even though it was possible was lay #13. This seems to be unusually late and I got confronted with this reality of modern dating quite delayed. Of course, some of the first 10 lays also were only a couple meetings, but still I must say it hurts more when there isn’t even a second time of meeting with sex. Simply by the amount of lays now though I am SLOWLY getting emotionally used to this and being able to not take it super personally. Once again, without the AA program I would have not gotten many of these lays.
6. This might be an odd point, but some of the lays I got exactly when I was NOT working super hard on getting laid. I believe that trying very hard can shine through. I am not saying you should not be trying very hard. It still works. But I have gotten to the point of experience where despite not trying hard, I can identify opportunities and call forward my skills when they become necessary and seal the deal. Also, the ability to even be relaxed in this regard and not be overly tense arises from experience and the confidence you get from there.
7. Both mass approaching and occasional approaching have their place. Mass approaching makes you give less of a fuck and gives you experience and lets you overcome the rest bits of your AA. Towards the end of a session your social momentum is high and you might have some of the best approaches. Sometimes I set myself explicit goals like 15 approaches, then when I was on the way home I approached some more just because I was in the zone. During these I was both in social momentum and also relaxed because I had no fixed goal in mind. These loose end approaches had vastly better conversion rates than the others. Occasional approaching on your way to things you would do anyways (gym, work, whatever) carries this aspect of relaxation and more natural feeling and it seems to me like they have slightly better conversion rates than mass approaches. Also, you don’t need to go out of your way and take time for them. Then again mass approach crushes those conversion rates by sheer volume.
8. How much credit to all this is really due to the AA program? First of all, if you can properly approach with direct game without the AA program, do that. No need to go through the motions just for the sake of it. Work on increasing your volume instead. Secondly, a lot. Sure, optimizing Tinder could also have given me many dates. But you are missing the real-life interaction leading up to the date (which builds confidence). And the mood is set differently from the beginning if you cold approached her instead of swiping from an app. Not saying don’t use Tinder (I’ll restart doing that soon as well), but it’s not the same. Thirdly, the AA program audios and practice contain valuable lessons that I will never forget. Fourthly, holy shit it’s so hard to disentangle analytically what can be attributed to the AA program. I can’t tell 100%. Maybe simply take my story as an example of how transformation could happen with the AA program.
9. However, some of the credit is also due to other things. I was part of approach groups that pushed me and helped me get some encouragement when I felt down because of the fucked up modern dating dynamic. I was also in close contact to other active, more experience players and this was even more important. Try to connect with other cold approachers. I didn’t have the opportunity to cold approach with a wingman in daytime until doing it for the first time this week. Do that too, if you get the chance.
10. Doing lots of cold approach gives you not only a feeling of abundance, but through seeing all the predictable interactions, all the bullshit and so on, you really develop a no fucks given attitude and your willingness to deal with female BS drops hardcore.
11. You will become more of a player and you will start believing it. Your friends will tell it to you, girls will tell it to you. Nice. Sometimes not so nice because guys will get jealous and judge you. Fuck em though.
12. Doing any hard longish-term project, including fixing your dating life on all fronts, really makes you face your demons. Chris was absolutely right about this. You have to face so many of your own problems on the way and it makes you grow as a man. https://web.archive.org/web/20220714012413/https://www.goodlookingloser.com/laid/index/this-process-will-strip-you-down-and-force-you-to-confront-your-demons
13. Approach anxiety is moderately specific. If you loose your daytime approach anxiety, you might still have leftover nightgame anxiety. I did. If you only approach single unoccupied girls, you might be afraid to approach girls that are in duos, groups, with males, with mothers, on their phone, on their bike, whatever. You will still have to push yourself to do these. But the jump is doable and it only takes few repetitions to loose those anxieties fully.
14. One can philosophize about the reasons my retention got worse. I think the main reason is that I have managed to hook up with girls that were not really available for anything long-term and I would not have had the skill, looks and vibe to bang them beforehand. Beforehand my retention wasn’t much better, I just only managed to bang the girls that are retainable/easier to retain.
15. Despite my retention suffering, I have had a very consistent sex life. I had 1 or 2 fuckbuddies almost all the time. The longest time without sex was 15 days. I had 64 occasions of sex in the year (most with multiple rounds of sex). There were times were I had too much sex (yes this exists, new experience to me!).
16. The quality of girls has improved. This was a bit of a surprise to me. GLL said: “on average, when you start, the girls you get from 'cold approach' will be less attractive than those in your peer groups you have fucked in the past” https://web.archive.org/web/20220531120020/https://www.goodlookingloser.com/laid/picking-up-women/how-to-lower-your-standards-and-keep-your-dignity-and-boner
This was not true for me. The average increased and I have had sex with some actually hot girls by now. Of course, this was in part caused by me improving my looks simultaneously.
17. Screening takes time to master. It truly is a mindset that you grow into. I’m progressing, but not all the way there.
18. Actual approach anxiety: Pretty much fucking gone. Sometimes I used to be and still am slightly anxious before going out but it never turns into a problem where it stops me from approaching. Just recently I have had a big-ass revelation when looking deeper. What I felt was often not even AA, but instead the fear of my AA coming back. Pretty absurd, huh. But yeah, it doesn’t come back, never to a scarry degree.
You should learn to cold approach
That was a lot of random points in fairly random order. Maybe you learned a thing or two, maybe it inspired you.
To every single guy out there, I recommend learning and doing cold approach. If your fear is to vast and you can’t do it after trying, do the AA program. It will change your life.
FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO DO THE PROGRAM
At the point of writing this, the GLL website is down. And it seems like it might stay down for good. The articles from the AA program are still available on the Wayback Archive and the Red Pill archive. The audios from the AA program are still available on GoodLookingLooser Soundcloud. But that might eventually be taken down.
I took the time to download them all and I have also backed up the articles locally. Should they ever vanish from the web, you can reach out to me and I’ll send them to you.