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Adam's Deleted Log

My friend, I thought I was going to be eating 100000% clean and transform myself into a 8% body-fat muscles in his teeth adonis by the end of Q1 2021.

Instead of that I don't think there has been one day in the last fortnight I didn't order ubereats junk food and just like you 'shrugged off' all the responsibilities whilst wolfing down an extra-cheesy calzone.

It is an emotional need we are trying to fill here. Stress, isolation, fear often with a few unfortunate events can do this to a man. I went through what just about everyone I know went through from exactly 1 year ago. Being locked inside an apartment with very little human contact and no legitimate way to get those dopamine hits in a healthy manner.

Depending on what kind of person you are, it might be that you will hit rock bottom and bounce back more disciplined and determined than ever. It won't last forever.
 
Note - this escalated as I started writing so it's a a bit long... this one's straight from the heart and a little brain in there. This is mostly from my personal experience with substance abuse. Things will vary individually. It's hard to be universal here and I'm not a coach at this. This is written more seriously than I personally treat bingeing and overeating...but maybe I should start treating it like this


Great points from Manganiello Toast and Thebastard

I also had a few binges recently (previous 3 weekends either Saturday or Friday night). KillYourInnerLoser's advice was basically to make "not binging" it's own habit (more on my experience doing this before Andy framed it like this for me below - I tried to incorporate this idea). How often have you been binging?

For me a "true binge" is eating absolutely anything I want and as much as I want - I usually make a very conscious decision and tell myself "fuck it I'll have anything I want". It always goes poorly - it's like I cut my own brake pipe. For me this is worse than drugs or getting wasted - it's got this veil of just being food so it doesn't seem as threatening so it's harder to put squarely in the camp of "this is bad and never OK". The kinds of binges I've had should never be ok - but telling myself that won't fix the issue.

I think the approach is two fold (next 2 paragraphs are the first part) - start with just the habit of not doing it - the relapse will make it so much easier to do again so the biggest thing is every single day get in the habit of not binging. You can't let yourself think to hard - but it's not as simple as "just don't do it" - so you have to preempt it EVERY SINGLE DAY by telling yourself you're not going to do it. You can't just say today "OK I"m done I'm not going to do this again" - it's a constant ongoing process. Sometimes a switch will just flip, but that switch will only start the process - you need to be conscious of it EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY. YOU NEVER KNOW WHICH DAY WILL BE THE DAY YOU BINGE AGAIN - you never fucking know - you have to be on top of it.

The first few days won't be bad. You'll have some bounce back motivation. Personally - I wouldn't eat ANY junk food or whatever guilty pleasure you have. Might not work for everyone but start with a snickers bar and then you might start justifying more...and more...and more... Days ~5-15 are my fucking danger period. I start feeling good again, start doing not being as hard on myself (note - don't be that hard on yourself, but keep yourself in line), Every day you need to remind yourself what your goal is - for this issue it's not just "lose weight" or "eat healthy" - it's NOT BINGING. There's so many times I looked at the scale and was like "wow great progress George, you can take it easy today!". No. KillYourInnerLoser loves little rewards and for some tings I think it can work. For these issues I absolutely cannot give any ground. I don't always binge or go off the rails when I reward myself or let myself take it a little easy - but my bad experiences definitely started with taking it a little easy or a litlte reward or temptation. The reward / indulgence is not the issue in itself though - it is just another straw on top of whatever other stuff you are going through then - and the more things you add the easier it is to let your guard down. The goal here is DO NOT LET YOUR GUARD DOWN. As you get to the ~3 week point (or whatever point that is for you, it's not about the days as it is the feeling/thoughts) you will have made a solid habit of not bingeing and it will start to feel like it is not a part of your life as much. The longer from your last binge the less inclined you will be to relapse (still keep your guard up it's very possible).

The second part is the mindset change. This is more a result of the first part and literally not bingeing. The longer you go without bingeing the more you will ingrain it in your head that it is just not something you do or really want to do. You cannot just tell yourself that and expect the mindset change to happen. It's like confidence - you don't get confident one day then go conquer the world - you say fuck it, go do a bunch of things, and your confidence is built along the way. This is not so different. If this part is the long term meta / macro part, the first part is the short term, micro. At the start you just HAVE TO STICK TO IT. Every fucking day don't do it. Stare yourself in mirror and say you won't do it. Fucking live it and breath it. (note I didn't get this intense about my issues, I just didn't do it and didn't give up ANY FUCKING GROUND.) If the assertations or talking to your self or whatever help, then do it.

If you stop long enough for the mindset change to sink in, a one time or infrequent relapse will not crush you into submission. Yes you will feel bad and know you fucked up, but as you work on the mindset (BY BEING SERIOUS ABOUT THE HABIT OF NOT BINGEING FOR A LONG TIME) you will defeat it and be above it. I can indulge in my vices occasionally and not get back into old habits or get fat as fuck because that is not the long term mindset. I will say I did have a switch one day flip in my head - but this just gave me the strength to tell myself "I WILL fix this". The danger period is still dangerous. For some people they can never do what they were doing again - I know several alcoholics and druggies that stopped and will never touch it again. That may or may not be what you need to do. You will definitely have to think like that for a time - but for me the short term / micro "habit side" of it eventually handed the baton over to the "mindset" / macro side and again - I still indulge occasionally but I am the master now. Again this is from my experience with substance abuse - like I mentioned above it's easy not to treat food as that much of an evil/bad thing - probably why I'm currently getting out of a binge rut.

I also mentioned "don't be too hard on yourself" - that definitely applies, but just like this is an emotional issues and a justification issues - you need to take the emotions out of it. You binge and you feel bad, then you start feeling better, you decide to eat good, you binge. No more emotions - just analyze. There is a cycle and it needs to be broken. Take the emotions out of it. Don't feel bad. You binged , so do a lot of people, I binged last weekend. Recognized it and remind yourself you're not going to do do that. Go to your pantry/refrigerator/grocery store/convenience store whatever, stare at the fucking food and scream at it (or in your head if you're in public..or quietly) "FUCK YOU, I DON"T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR SHIT. YOU CAN'T FUCKING BEAT ME I AM GOING TO FUCKING DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU CARE ABOUT AND SHOW YOU WHO IS THE REAL BOSS" ....also note I didn't do this...but it might help mentally.

I kind of winged this so let me know if something doesn't make sense but at the end of the day the devil is NOT , NOT NOT NOT in the details. You have to stop feeling bad, stop thinking hard about it - just make it your goal to break this cycle. I just scrolled up to see what you wrote again and I realized this might now seem like a bit of overdoing it on this - but you know what - that's how seriously you need to take it. Because food and added sugar and all this shit is sneaky bad - it's always around, it seems okay, and that makes it easier to justify - which is the key to an emotional problem like this. I'm still working on it and I'm going to come back to this post to remind myself how seriously I need to think about what this means because like I mentioned I am also working back out of a rut on this. Even if you lose weight week by week don't let that fool you into not breaking this cycle. A reward will definitely be okay at some point - I've had great cuts where I had a solid (but not absolutely eat all the food I want) meal once or twice a week. I would not do this. I personally am not going to do this. As much as I like the mental break, with food it's too "harmless" seeming for me to give any ground. Fuck this shit - I'm eating clean till the summer
 
Adam said:
I'm not ignoring your response @enjoyablehat , just need to reread it a time or two before responding. There's a lot in there. I like the framing of "building the habit of not binging".
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No worries! I winged it pretty hard so it came out a bit disorganised plus I don’t think I’ve been able to get through reading a post that size on any forum/Reddit but appreciate you coming back to it.

Agreed on that framing Andy put it that way and it really made relaying my experience easier because I’ve never really been able to explain to people otherwise
 
Check out the analogy in this article: https://renaissanceperiodization.com/the-importance-of-maintenance/

Don't have to read about thing - the point I like from here is that you should do everything to a T for a set period of time, then be a little more lenient for a bit before tackling the next goal.

Another thing I like is that being strict for a period get's more "over the hump" or let's me break through a sticking point, or just pick up a new habit. I did really bad in school my first year of college, sophomore year to turn it around I was like - I may not be as smart or capable or whatever as anyone else, but I am going to absolutely outwork everyone in my classes; if that's not enough then at least I gave it an honest effort. Went from a 2.8 freshman year to a straight 4 all of sophomore year ---- BUT !!!!! I did not work as hard as possible the entire year. First semester I was super diligent for maybe the first 1/2 to 2/3 of the semester, second semester more like the first 1/3. I actually did better towrads the end of each semester studying less, but doing things really strict, being on my ass about being diligent and not dicking around made me able to be more efficent later. Just another option to think about - maybe spread out the "rewards" if you do that - I like having periods of taking it easy for a bit (for example, cut hard and strict/diligent for 1-2 months or even less if you want, then take it easy for a few weeks, repeat until you're happy or want to bulk)
 
Adam said:
I know it's not a full cold-approach,
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Why it's not a full cold-approach? You approached and she left but if she stayed, you could chit chat. It's an approach in my book. Give yourself some props my man.
 
Nice work man.

It usually took me about 80 or so reps to make the anxiety around a particular situation go away.
 
Congrats man! Inspiring stuff seeing you be able to think about approaching and then actually committing to it and getting a number.
 
Adam said:
Something I've noticed: I tend to make negative assumptions about my interactions with women if they aren't super-friendly. When I talked to the woman who was engaged this week, she told me that "this is very sweet", but my automatic thought was "she's probably just being nice but is actually creeped out". There's nothing about the situation that justifies that assumption, but nonetheless that was my kneejerk response. Intellectually, I can accept that lots of women love being approached and get a little ego boost out of it, but deep down I find it hard to believe.
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To tell you the truth, i have similar negative assumptions about women in general

NOT because there's anything wrong with them; nah ..

yes maybe there are differences in sexual organs and psychology and how they choose their mates compared to how men choose theirs, but ..

they're just as much human as you and me and they're driven by the same mammalian urges ( sex , success etc ) as you and me

BUT the assumptions have their roots in the limiting beliefs we have within our brains, in my case .. as i am originally from a very conservative Muslim country in SEAsia , i fear they will just call other men to beat me up for approaching them and asking their number .. this is because i have had some very shitty expriences with girls back in my home country, but i need to realize that women are not all like that, they're not all the same AND they're much more open / playful than my conservative upbrining and social conditioning had previously led me to believe

see how deep that reasoning goes ?

in your case, it could be something else but the principle remains the same, the inner anxiety or some other challenge that is probably testing your inner game, is what's causing these assumptions

ofc, i am yet to approach women and yet to get desire sex from a woman through seducing her

but this is something i realized after analyzing game for some time

and believe me, for a long time, i have been an anxious and nervy guy around pretty girls

i'm just starting to take action on killing that anxiety and being bold and upfront with girls, even those who are total strangers !

summary : limiting beliefs, probably those that have deep roots inside your brain cause negative and unhealthy assumptions in gaming women, there are probably ways to get rid of them

just throwing my 2 cents here

have a nice day mate !
 
Adam said:
Can anyone point me to any articles or posts that talk about the moral aspect of cold-approaching? Why they think that there's nothing wrong with doing it or even that it's a positive thing to do that makes the world better?

When I cold-approach, obviously nerves are an issue, but beyond that I feel like I'm doing something wrong. And of course if a girl has a negative reaction or seems creeped out, that reinforces that feeling. I know that most guys here value truth, and I don't want to have to hide any aspect of my life. And right now I feel like cold-approaching is something that I have to hide because I'm kind of ashamed of it. Intellectually, I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but I feel like there is, and I suspect that many people would judge me for doing it. I think that these beliefs and feelings are just a hold-over from societal and religious programming. It's not a moral position that I've thought through. But at the moment I don't have any counter-arguments against this ingrained idea that hitting on girls outside of the socially-approved areas like bars/clubs/online is wrong.

Thanks in advance
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I'm interested in this too. I've also clearly creeped out several girls pretty badly in my last few approaches and yeah that's the worst cuz it makes you feel guilty like you're doing something wrong. Ive def avoided many approaches because of this worry. I think a lot of people think what we're doing is in fact wrong and I guess the only thing to do is ignore them and keep going. It's hard to not take bad reactions personally though. Like only 15 approaches in, I'm already getting some of the worst reactions I imagined and they could theoretically get even worse. So yeah I hope others have some advice on this. Don't get me wrong some girls have been great and loved talking to me. But yeah idk.
 
What's this shite about the 'moral' of cold-approach? It's the most moral way to seek out potential mate there is? It's what girls fantasise about, what love stories are written about. Girls don't care that it took 100 girls before her, what matters is you're the guy that had the balls to go up to her in the mall/library/cafe , instead of just staring at her like every other chump, stated you're attracted to her and asked her out. Girls don't care about the grind you did to get to the point that you were the be the one she said yes to during the day.

SamJ_ From your last entry, the only thing you're doing wrong is simply not stating your intent and being honest enough. You don't approach a girl 'to say hi'. That's weird and doesn't make sense. It's like knocking on the door with no intent to go through when it opens. You go up to her because you think she's hot, and that's what you should say. What happens after that is irrelevant and nothing to do with you. She gives you a bad reaction after you tell her you think she's attractive? That's her problem. Unless you're a fat, bumbling slob with stains on his shirt, she has no reason to be mean to you. As Chris rightly said, emotionally healthy people are not rude to strangers.

What makes it difficult? It's because it takes getting wasted for most guys to go up to talk to a girl in a poorly lit night-club. While she's also probably wasted. You think the best, most honest decisions are made in that state? No, but it's what most normies do. The average male lay-count is also around 7, so if you want to be like everybody else, go do that. The top 20% of males get 80% of the women. If you take out naturals, good lookers who have had it easy and a silver spoon in their mouths, you make up a smaller percentage of men who have actively worked hard on themselves to get laid.

It's also to do with your lizard brain, it's a primal thing. The theory is because back in the cave days, with tribes with ~<100 people, you try to hit on the girl who is the chief's woman, or rejects, you end up dead or exiled. Your blood line ends there. So those who play it safe, survive. There's also many who who played it safe and end up miserable with a partner they don't love, but since squirting out a baby takes less than 2 minutes or less from out end, the bloodline continues.

So you are born to fear hitting on girls unless disinhibited by substances or already acquired experience. And you get that by approaching girls. She's not available? "That's fine, take it as a compliment then" and goodbye.
 
Spazdig said:
What's this shite about the 'moral' of cold-approach? It's the most moral way to seek out potential mate there is? It's what girls fantasise about, what love stories are written about. Girls don't care that it took 100 girls before her, what matters is you're the guy that had the balls to go up to her in the mall/library/cafe , instead of just staring at her like every other chump, stated you're attracted to her and asked her out. Girls don't care about the grind you did to get to the point that you were the be the one she said yes to during the day.

@SamJ_ From your last entry, the only thing you're doing wrong is simply not stating your intent and being honest enough. You don't approach a girl 'to say hi'. That's weird and doesn't make sense. It's like knocking on the door with no intent to go through when it opens. You go up to her because you think she's hot, and that's what you should say. What happens after that is irrelevant and nothing to do with you. She gives you a bad reaction after you tell her you think she's attractive? That's her problem. Unless you're a fat, bumbling slob with stains on his shirt, she has no reason to be mean to you. As Chris rightly said, emotionally healthy people are not rude to strangers.

What makes it difficult? It's because it takes getting wasted for most guys to go up to talk to a girl in a poorly lit night-club. While she's also probably wasted. You think the best, most honest decisions are made in that state? No, but it's what most normies do. The average male lay-count is also around 7, so if you want to be like everybody else, go do that. The top 20% of males get 80% of the women. If you take out naturals, good lookers who have had it easy and a silver spoon in their mouths, you make up a smaller percentage of men who have actively worked hard on themselves to get laid.

It's also to do with your lizard brain, it's a primal thing. The theory is because back in the cave days, with tribes with ~<100 people, you try to hit on the girl who is the chief's woman, or rejects, you end up dead or exiled. Your blood line ends there. So those who play it safe, survive. There's also many who who played it safe and end up miserable with a partner they don't love, but since squirting out a baby takes less than 2 minutes or less from out end, the bloodline continues.

So you are born to fear hitting on girls unless disinhibited by substances or already acquired experience. And you get that by approaching girls. She's not available? "That's fine, take it as a compliment then" and goodbye.
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Yeah I agree with all that on an intellectual level, but it still feels like I'm doing something wrong. Also with this girl in particular I approached, I can almost guarantee if I said "Hi I think you're hot" the reaction would've been just as bad if not worse. I just wanna make girls comfortable with me when I'm approaching.
 
Spazdig said:
Then this is the article for you.
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Yeah that looks like a really good article, thanks. I definitely am seeking too much validation. Like when one really hot girl who looked unapproachable told me "I admire your courage", I felt like a friggin hero, and then when girls act really creeped out I feel like a loser. I guess both of those extremes are bad because I'm letting the girls' reactions dictate my mood without even realizing it.
 
Adam said:
Only one date this week. Met up with the girl from last week on Thursday. Had drinks for an hour then went back to my place and smashed again. I put on some music and taught her to swing dance before we started making out and she loved it.
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Smooooooooooth 😏😏
Good shit Adam keep it up!
 
I like masters format. Really helped consolidate posts into one easily viewable and trackable spot. Helps with accountability for urself cuz u can see if ur slackin on the past days.

Keep up the great work Adam.

Steal all the stuff from Master . He's doing something right
 
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