Brandon Builds - Conversation with the ex-wife

[Keros]

Your ability to conceptualise and then actualise what you want is inspiring.

 

[Bman]

Your ability to conceptualise and then actualise what you want it is inspiring.

Thank you. Some days I amaze myself. Speaking of actualizing...

#35 - Nurse Girl

The other model was a lead from my munch. She is actually a traveling nurse. She recently did a shoot with a body paint artist, so I asked if I could shoot her. She’s been sending me nudes this week, we’re doing a date before the shoot, good probability I’ll be fucking her but we’ll see. Shoot is tomorrow.

First photography -> lay





We were supposed to meetup at the coffee bar before the shoot, but she was running late because of her kids, so I just had her come over to my place instead.

I did happen to already walk and be sitting at the coffee bar when she said she was going to be late. Had a funny experience watching two regular people on a date. Typical scrawny guy on a date with a chubbier girl. Classic 5/6's match with 5/6's. I tend to forget what my skill level is compared to gen pop because I'm usually comparing to you guys. I just laughed when they rolled out of the bar and they both stood there, then her asking where they should sit, and him just being "ummm...hmmm... I don't know. Where do you want to sit?" They find a table, sit across from each other of course, he sits very submissively with body tucked in (because its cold outside) and the conversation is real sloooow. Here I am sitting at a tight bench that purposley puts the girl next to me or in front of me but legs interlocked with each other, decked out in a leather jacket, and sitting there taking up massive space, listening to this poor guy. I kinda wanted to sit there the whole date and then pull him aside when nothing happened for him. But alas, had places to be and girls to see.

Anyways, Nurse Girl and I kind of did a date while doing the shoot. She did her makeup at my place and we chatted while she did so. I learned shes a hotwife with two kids, been a nurse for 8 years, her husband and her separated for a while but then got back together under the pretense that it would be an open relationship. She takes advantage of it, he doesn't. She also is very intelligent and told me that she fantasized about marrying an intellectual when she was younger, but ended up with her husband and used to feel like she was settling. She also told me I made her really nervous, and way later telling me because I was such an intellectual. Earlier in the week I had shared the video I created for my education non-profit and she was hugely attracted by the ambition.

When she was done with her makeup, she got naked and we checked out my computed to run through the poses we were going to do. This is where the psuedo date also happens. If you are setting up a photoshoot under the pretext like I am, escalation is just a natural part of the process. We were working through 5 major poses. In each one I was touching her to adjust her body. I'm also giving commands the entire time. We started with tame poses and then finished with my kitana sword between her pussy lips.

By the time I got to that pose she said "you can adjust my lips however you like..."


View attachment 1


Yes that is the same kitana from my avatar.

We finished all the shots I wanted to capture. I placed the camera on the nightstand. Sat down next to her and said we were all done. She said "what now?" I just gave her some deep eye contact and told her "come here." For which she eagerly crawled over and planted one on my lips.

She has a very psuedo bad bitch persona in person. Its a facade. She is extremely submissive behind closed doors.

After sex she told me that she would not have come to the munch but I had messaged her. (Standard message that I send out to all people who RSVPed, male and female, the day of. It makes it way more personable and very, very few other leaders do this.) The night she came we had all guys except her, which sometimes happens. She told me that ALL of the guys messaged her after the munch except one... Can we guess who? Of course she messaged me a few days later and I set the shoot up then. Pays to be king. She also told me she did not expect that this would happen when we first met and she was not sure if I was interested in her. Which is not a surprise given she met me under the pretext of the munch, for which I'm more in leader/ logistic mode, than seductive mode. She also kept saying I was so beautiful, it kind of was unfair. Of course I have a bunch of studio lights on in my apartment to cast the most flattering light.

This was a hell of a lot of fun. I'm pumped to do this. I don't want all of my dates like this because I'll get rusty on those skills, but if half or so are like this, I'd be a real happy camper. I believe Paid Renegade has done something similar before? Since you don't do traditional lay reports, just curious any notes you have to compare.

And I got fun pictures (couple unedited ones above)! I forgot to do the whole behind the scenes video for IG, but whatever. I'm learning. I also think I'm going to get a signature portrait for FetLife. with every girl in the future that has intense eye contact of her looking at the camera while she is giving me a blowjob and getting a small tattoo on my waist so you know its me.

Next shoot is tuesday with the other girl where I'll also be modeling with her. Fun times.

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

#35 - Nurse Girl

This is fire

Making me wanna buy a camera! Thanks for sharing this awesome content with us

Bman out of curiosity, what camera do you use?

 

[Bman]

Thank you, Spider Jerusalem! I shoot with a Nikon D750, typically with a 50mm 1.8 or a 24-120mm. I'd like to pick up a 35mm for wider shots in small spaces such as the van, but they are expensive.

Honestly though, when I first started shooting boudoir ages ago I had an entry level Nikon and a kit lens and still made some really great photos. The real magic happens when you learn lighting. The photo with her back arched was shot with a bluetooth color changing blub set to magenta use as a "key light", and then a ring light on the lowest setting used as a "fill light".

 

[MILFandCookies]

Hell yeah man! This is an exciting way to take advantage of your camera. I hope it continues to work out!

 

[Paid Renegade]

I believe @Paid Renegade has done something similar before? Since you don't do traditional lay reports, just curious any notes you have to compare.

Lol yeah man this sounds very similar to the experience with OF girl that I posted in my log. We matched on Feeld under normal circumstances and then I pitched a photoshoot when I saw that she was an OF creator. met at her studio and I'm pulling up reference photos to copy because I have no idea what I'm doing. I'll PM you some! It actually turned into an offer for a paid shoot with her and like a dozen other OF girls that she knew.

I've fallen off with the photoshoots because going through all of them and editing them was taking lots of time but perhaps I'll pick it back up at some point. It's definitely a big value add

 

[Fodu]

We were working through 5 major poses. In each one I was touching her to adjust her body. I'm also giving commands the entire time. We started with tame poses and then finished with my kitana sword between her pussy lips.

By the time I got to that pose she said "you can adjust my lips however you like..."

Goddamn this is so crazy. What a way to get laid. The BDSM munch stuff really seems to be working out nicely for you.

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Thank you, @Spider Jerusalem! I shoot with a Nikon D750, typically with a 50mm 1.8 or a 24-120mm. I'd like to pick up a 35mm for wider shots in small spaces such as the van, but they are expensive.

Honestly though, when I first started shooting boudoir ages ago I had an entry level Nikon and a kit lens and still made some really great photos. The real magic happens when you learn lighting. The photo with her back arched was shot with a bluetooth color changing blub set to magenta use as a "key light", and then a ring light on the lowest setting used as a "fill light".

Dude, that's awesome! Thanks for the info

I been looking at the Canon Andy recommended and as it turns out, I get a work discount in the Canon store of 10%. It would be a £1000 (Down to £900) but it's an investment and something for me to work towards. I think it's an attractive prospect for a girl if the guy is good with a camera.

I did modelling work in exchange for sex in Bangkok so it worked for me!

 

[Bman]

Hell yeah man! This is an exciting way to take advantage of your camera. I hope it continues to work out!

Honestly big shoutout to you. Andy, and Ed for getting me back into photography. It's so fun.

I've fallen off with the photoshoots because going through all of them and editing them was taking lots of time but perhaps I'll pick it back up at some point. It's definitely a big value add

These are fire, man. Great job. Especially on the handcuffs over the ass. The lighting split is perfect.

Yeah I just realized having more than one shoot in a week will be a problem in the future time wise.

Goddamn this is so crazy. What a way to get laid. The BDSM munch stuff really seems to be working out nicely for you.

Some of the most fun I've had yet.

I been looking at the Canon Andy recommended and as it turns out, I get a work discount in the Canon store of 10%. It would be a £1000 (Down to £900) but it's an investment and something for me to work towards. I think it's an attractive prospect for a girl if the guy is good with a camera.

Honestly its been a great investment for me to have a camera. I've used for dozens of things over the years. Who knew it would also help me get laid.

 

[Bman]

One model was an inbound on FL. She’s an OF girl and one of her videos just hit 20k on pornhub. We are doing a more classy shoot together as she has particular niche in her marketing she'd like to fill. High probability I’m fucking her (so if you see me on your OF subscriptions, Hi!) Shoot is on Tuesday, no date, straight to my place.

Had the shoot with this girl.

Long story short, she just got prescribed Adderall and was basically up all night before coming over this morning. So by the end of the shot, which took about 2.5 hours, she was dead ass tired.

It was cute though because late last night she sent me a paragraph text about how nervous she was and then texted me several times this morning before coming over about being shy and nervous. She said she never gets nervous. She shoots content all the time so I found it suprising she was so nervous. But she told me again when texting that I was so hot, so I guess it was just another example of flipping the script with me being the "hot girl on a pedestal". When she got here I gave her some comforting, almost like boyfriend hug and rubbing. It was actually kinda weird because we knew what was going to happen, so it was like trying to short circuit comfort.

We also chatted some, but most of the attraction was physical. The first pose we were doing was a hands above head pose with me kissing, holding her wrists. Which after the first one or two kisses, you could tell they went from for the camera, to for each other. And then she was completely comfortable.

Anyways, I learned that there is an optimal amount of poses to go through. If you have too many, you lose the momentum of the escalation. This shoot was also interesting because I was also modeling for it AND shooting. I was shooting tethered so I could see the shots on the computer as I took them, however I still had to get up and adjust the camera or whatever during poses.

I should have stopped at the pose where she was straddling me and we were doing intimate shots, because that was the peak as both of us were kind of forgetting we were taking pictures and just sneaking in kisses. And I was hard as rock.

It was actually a challenge to think logically about the shoot and also keeping myself from fucking her right there. Probably should have, but there were a couple more poses to work through and logical me was like "Oh we have to get all these cause she's using them for her stuff..." No I didn't, and I could have gotten them afterwards anyways. Whatever. Learning.

Afterwards she asked if I wanted to come to her place. I told her she could hang here for a while. But she was practically falling asleep. I told her she should go sleep and I have work to get done. Reminder to do these shoots in the afternoon/evening only. So we agreed to meetup later in the week.

Even if we don't have sex later though, I'm still winning because I get photos for Fet/ Insta to feed the preselection funnel. And I actually learned a lot about what kind of positions turn me on in a bedroom escalation. Also, if I'm doing this all the time, I'm going to have 0 nervousness about ever touching a girl to escalate.

Here's an unedited test shot I got between poses that I actually really like.





So, this is my life now.

 

[Keros]

It was cute though because late last night she sent me a paragraph text about how nervous she was and then texted me several times this morning before coming over about being shy and nervous. She said she never gets nervous. She shoots content all the time so I found it suprising she was so nervous. But she told me again when texting that I was so hot, so I guess it was just another example of flipping the script with me being the "hot girl on a pedestal". When she got here I gave her some comforting, almost like boyfriend hug and rubbing. It was actually kinda weird because we knew what was going to happen, so it was like trying to short circuit comfort.

You are absolutely hot as fuck dude, especially in the weirdo sex spaces full of Asperger kings and coomers. The girls obviously find it super refreshing to be led by a masculine man who doesn't act like their fav porn star has come to life. You are adding value to their lives as well as yours.

 

[Lord Rey]

Fuck man, you're slaying it! I'm really getting jealous now!

I always wanted to do the same, getting laid with my camera, but I've never had luck with OnlyFans girls. Besides, I'm out of the BDSM community now, living in the Swiss Alps where the last local munch was attended by 5 people, including me lol. The Swiss BDSM community is too far from me and the logistics make it not worth it to attend events in bigger cities.

But yeah, I really miss shooting kinky girls! I'll just enjoy seeing your content for now.

 

[Bman]

You are absolutely hot as fuck dude, especially in the weirdo sex spaces full of Asperger kings and coomers. The girls obviously find it super refreshing to be led by a masculine man who doesn't act like their fav porn star has come to life. You are adding value to their lives as well as yours.

Haha. Thanks man.

There is a Jack Harlow song that the opening line is "have you ever raised the value of everyone around you?"

I think one of the coolest parts of running the munch has actually seeing people come and then hearing later or seeing in their behavior that they have hooked up with other munch attendees. Most of these have people have poor social skills, only because they never really learned them. When they come to my munch, I meet each person personally, shake their hand, good eye contact, regular social stuff. Then I get everyone in a big circle talking with each other. Most of the time I'll go first when vulnerable topics get brought up or share my experiences in the scene, that way they have seen someone else do it and know how to do it. I find it to be no surprise that people end up making connections. I have always felt a true leader is there to serve his people.

But of course, the king always gets his just rewards, too.

---

Alright, couple interesting things happened last couple of days.

Spiritual Girl, who I broke up with at the beginning of December, texted me yesterday that she missed me, thinks about me often, and hoped I was really well. I texted her some of the major life things I had been up to. She told me that after we ended things, she shared transparently about our relationship with her primary partner (of which I can only imagine what those details were...) and apparently that led to them getting engaged at the end of the month. This is most likely my ego talking but it sounds like a reaction from that guy thinking "oh shit! My girl can get with guys like that, I better lock her down before she drops me". However, their relationship is still open and she would really like to share one more night with me before my departure.

A while back I got cold DMed by a "certified" (whatever the fuck that means) ENM matchmaker. She wanted to network with me because I was well networked in the scene here in Austin. She asked if we could have a call and collaborate. So, I chatted on the phone with her today. Basically she has high paying clientele who are looking for something specific with people who are into non monogamous lifestyles and needs local people in areas who are well connected to point her to leads for that person. She then screens them with questions and sets up the date. Apparently her husband and her also do dating coaching for some of the guys, too. The collab part is that if I send her leads, either as dates for her clients or to be clients, I get a monetary kickback. I told her I'm meeting people all the time, so its no sweat off my back to send them over, considering her service actually sounds good and unfortunately the gen pop needs some serious help with dating. She asked if there was anything she could do on her side for me. Told her not at this moment. Just seemed like a good person to be networked with and in my back pocket. If my circles both professionally and in dating take me to higher status circles, knowing someone like her will be a value add with other people I'm networking with. "For to every one who has will more be given, and he will have abundance"

Things with the OF girl above that I just shot with have been weird. Honestly, every single time I potentially date one of these girls, they are wild cards. I feel like I'm on "Whose Line is It Anyways?" I'll let you guys know how it plays out.

But the photos turned out awesome. I like this one, which kind of looks like the cover of a romance smut novel. Which is kind of the point. I'm trying to market for the female gaze, not male.





Also plan on getting a crash course on OnlyFans from OG OF Girl since she is literally one of the best on that platform. I don't plan on monetizing like that, but it does not hurt to be educated.

 

[Bman]

Had Nurse Girl back over yesterday afternoon. I used to strictly have girls over in the evening after getting work done. But during the day is just so much better because I'm not tired after the first round and want to spend more time with them. I might start pushing for more day time first date, too.

Went two rounds and had a very intimate conversation with her in between. She said she felt so safe and comfortable with me, but also was still a little nervous. I told her I do like to make girls just a little uncomfortable because its cute to watch them get nervous and squirm a bit. She said she doesn't really do cute and is normally a bad bitch, but said she can't really do that with me. With me she is giggly and VERY submissive, to the point she's getting almost all her pleasure from pleasing me. She told early when she came over that she respects me a lot. Suppose this is the first brat that I have actually enjoyed taming, only because it was not a struggle to tame her.

Been posting photos from the two shoots on FetLife. What I've noticed is you get an initial round of likes when you first post, then another when the person accepts the tag. I've gained a few followers, including a cute blonde which I immediately opened. For those looking to use FL, if a girl likes more than one of your photos with you in it (especially sexual or shirtless ones), follows you, or friend requests you, immediately open her. Her buying temperature is high. So much so, that you can have a pretty mundane conversation, you just need to follow the number one rule of moving the conversation forward. Setting a date for Friday.

 

[Bman]

Update

Girls

Have not seen Politics Girl in a while. She has thyroid issues and has been very low energy/ low libido through January. From our time dating I can tell emotional connection is slightly difficult for her, so communication has been slim. And her job works her to the bone. Hoping to see her again more in Feb/Mar before I leave. She's definitely been one of my favorites.

Property Girl also has been busy AF the last two weeks. Downside of dating these professional girls.

Nurse Girl is a real sweetheart. It's too bad I caught her right before I was leaving. I think she would have been a strong relationship in the harem. Going to try setting up my first threesome with her and Spiritual Girl since she reached out last month missing me.

Girl from above had to cancel our date because she got Covid. However she sent a nude as an apology. Told her we can reschedule when she's feeling better.

Had a funny thing happen to me with an old lay from last year, Buddhist Girl. We hooked up last year but did not lock it in and things just fizzled out. Well it turns out she added me on FetLife a couple months after we hooked up, but I had no idea it was her because she was not showing her face at the time. She had been liking my recent photos with the other girls. She posted a face picture a week ago and I knew I had seen that face somewhere. I ended up going through my airtable spreadsheet of past lays, and boom, their she was! Rejogged my memory by reading my old lay report. I reached out and playfully called her out for not saying anything, for which she didn't know if it would be awkward. Chatted with her a bit and just pitched doing a shoot and picking up where we left off, especially because she has been doing some shoots with other photographers in the area. We'll see if she's up for it, but we have already had sex before and bro science will say she'd rather hookup with a past lay than a new one.

Social Game

Last munch we had a busy one with a ton of fresh faces. I always enjoy these because you get a lot of new energy in the group. Not much for direct leads for me. I was only interested in a slim 19yo who when I introduced myself said she already knew of me and had seen me around a couple times. Unfortunately she's already in a monogamous relationship.

Went to the Shrine munch briefly on Wednesday. Leadership there was full of grief that I was leaving. Doesn't matter what type of environment it is, good help is hard to find and you will stand out if you put in the effort.

I just passed 200+ friends on FetLife a little bit ago. Seems there is a threshold in the 150-200 range where sliding into DM's cold is a lot easier, warranted that you actually open in calibrated way. Chatted with a couple girls about shoots, nothing panned out there. Chatted with a very attractive 23yo who had a bad experience with a guy previously on FL, so she was a bit stranger danger but said she was very attracted to me. Tried pitching a date, she wanted to get to know me better. So chatted a bit and then told her to not be shy and come say hello at a munch.

Some other actions taken that are not direct, but tangential for long term building:

• Put my photos on a bunch of photography and modeling networking sites. One of them had an AI that will let you know if there is commercial value in licensing your photos and tells you what the quality of your photos are in relation to other photographers. My recent ones were in the top 10%. I personally know I have plenty of room for honing the craft, but was cool to see. Had a model add me on Instagram from one of these sites, so its worth just having them out there.
• The model I was talking with before from the UK still wants to try and do a shoot when I'm in Denver. So we'll see what happens there.
• Started finding networking groups and meetups for education and philanthropy to attend. This is more for professional reasons, but will give me the opportunity to try transferring all these skills. I'll let you know @Holden if I come up with some smooth way to get any leads onto my instagram and not just shuffle everyone to my LinkedIn.
• Going to do a photowalk tomorrow with some photographers in Austin. Just a fun social thing to do. Will be super easy to get these people on my instagram, so hopefully there's some cute girls.
• My birthday happens to fall on a Monday this year, which is also when I host my munches. So I think I will have my final munch in Austin on birthday and open it up to the broader community as a one last time to say goodbye.

Apps

So downside of doing social game at my current level is volume is low. Leads that do come in are more likely to convert, but you get less of them. So if I'm having slow weeks, then I need to supplement. So I have been using Hinge this week.

I deleted Tinder and Feeld off my phone because I was catching myself just cycling through the apps which is not productive at all. Feeld has been garbage since the update, so I have not been using it. Tinder has always be just ok for me here. I'll be curious to know if it is more lucrative for me in other cities.

Really satisfied with the quality of matches from Hinge, but nothing has panned out yet because I hardcore screen for yes girls here.

Van Life

Actions take here:

• 90% of stuff in my apartment is sold, donated, or made its way into the van.
• Put in my notice to break my lease and will be paying the 1.6k fee for doing so.
• Already connected with the ex wife to meetup and also hang with some of my old college friend group.
• Got internet service in the van.
• Repaired some 02 sensors.
• Acquired the last couple items I needed for living in the van.

Aside from having to wait the 60 days on my lease break, I'm technically ready to go. Been sleeping in the van the last few weeks just to get use to it and because I get much more restful sleep in the van. Haha. I already love the fact that when I go anywhere, anything I would ever need is right there with me. It's like carrying around a giant backpack.

I can already feel the anxious itch you get in lifestyle transition periods where you just want to be doing the other thing already. All in due time.

That's all for now. Nothing overly sexy. Back in the middle, putting in work that will bear fruit in the future.

Oh! I went out with KYIL legends on Wednesday for Ed's birthday after the munch. Was a blast.

 

[Bman]

Going to do a photowalk tomorrow with some photographers in Austin. Just a fun social thing to do. Will be super easy to get these people on my instagram, so hopefully there's some cute girls.

Well this was a bust.

The host of the meetup did not contact anyone beforehand. I showed up at 7am and no one was there initially. So I took a few photos and eventually another guy showed... who was not the host. Then another showed... who was not the host. We walked around a bit took a few shots. Another guy showed about 15 minutes later... who was not the host. We decided to walk down the street and a nerdy indian girl showed... who was not the host...

The host never came.

The rest of the photographers were all guys that worked in tech. Then the one nerdy indian girl who I was not into. I made small talk and got a few ok photos, nothing spectacular. Couple I can edit and throw up on Adobe Stock Images to possibly make money on.

One of the guys told me he came to this meetup a year ago and no one even came that day, and it was perfect weather.

I don't think they will all be like this, but that was real disappointing and such an amateur host.

If I were to run a photowalk meetup this is how I would run it:

• List is on meetup.com, eventbrite, linkedin, and facebook photography groups.
• Personally message anyone who RSVP's to introduce myself and tell them what they could expect.
• I know meetup.com and facebook allow you to have event group chats, so I would start those and invite everyone to drop their IGs. Everyone likes to self promote and it would give me an opportunity to lurk on any attractive attendees as well as first exposure to my IG.
• I would make a post in model/photographer facebook groups asking if any amateur models would like to join us on the photowalk to be models for street/ lifestyle photography. These groups are full of amateur models looking to build a portfolio. I'm sure I could get one or two each time. Obviously I'd chat with them and get them over on my IG.
• On the day of the meetup, I would have everyone meet at a coffee shop as the start our walk for 15-20mins. This allows everyone to network and get comfortable with each other. This is of benefit to the photographers because it will make it easier for them to ask others to be in photos during the walk because they already got friendly with one another. It would give me time to shake hands and meet everyone. I would also get time to chat with the models I invited. And get peoples IG.
• Then I would take everyone on a pre-planned route where I knew there would be 2-3 key stops that would be good for shots. At those locations I would photograph the models and help out any amateur photographers who may be just starting out. Obviously there are lots of opportunities for status demonstrations here: leading the group, directing models, mentoring others.
• I would end our walk near a restaurant, lounge, or other social venue and invite all the attendees for a drink/ bite to eat to further bring everyone together. During the meal I would help facilitate conversation if needed to keep it lively.
• Afterwards I would slide in the DM's of any of the photographers I might be interested in. If I'm interested in the models, and I did not already invite them out on a date, I could do so when sending them the photos I took of them on the walk.

I, however, will not be running one of these. But I wrote that out to show you how to engineer serendipity. That's the name of the game with these social groups.

What I will do next time for myself is post about an upcoming photowalk on the photographer & model facebook groups inviting out some photographers and models to this event that is already created. Then interacting with the models mostly.

 

[Bman]

Round 1 in Harem Management: Politics Girl

Have not seen Politics Girl in a while. She has thyroid issues and has been very low energy/ low libido through January. From our time dating I can tell emotional connection is slightly difficult for her, so communication has been slim. And her job works her to the bone. Hoping to see her again more in Feb/Mar before I leave. She's definitely been one of my favorites.

Because I was getting a lack of communication from her, as defined by her not responding to my text for a week and not texted for a couple weeks before that, I texted her today. We've been seeing each for 6 months, the sex is great, and I enjoy her company. This was irregular behavior, so I wanted to call it out today.

"Hey, hope you're well. I know you're busy but feeling a little in the dark over here. I'd like to see you again. However if you wanted to stop seeing each other, just let me know why. I'd understand. Just curious what's going on. "

I hardly feel insecure these days, but ghosting and silence can still push a button sometimes. I really was fine if she wanted to stop seeing each, I just wanted to know. And know why, to just get feedback to see if its something I would like to improve.

She called me while she was driving for her job. She apologized a bunch and immediately told me I had done nothing wrong. Told me she had gotten a promotion and raise at work so was now working more to justify for the promotion. She told me she ran out of her thyroid medication which messes with her hormones, energy, and libido. It also puts her into a somewhat depressive state and makes her self conscious about being seen by others, physically and emotionally. She also told me she is bad at communicating her emotions and she felt terrible about not texting me. She said I seen your text and I thought about you every night, but just didn't text you. Apparently I've not been the first person to give her this feedback.

I told her congrats on the new job and thank you for telling me these things. I now better understood all that was going on. I knew we were in a casual, open relationship, but just wanted to know and was not sure if something had come up. She also ended up telling me that she's only been dating me.
Told her I'd be leaving at the end of March and it would be great to see her again a few more times. She really wanted that too. So we talked about days of the week that might be best and setting some dates on the calendar.

She also told me she got some new lingerie sets she wanted to share or surprise me with. So I told her to wear one and send me a picture tonight and then wear the other when she sees me next, and if she didn't send a photo tonight or tomorrow she'd get punishment.

She thanked me a lot for taking the call and being understanding. She said most people would not be. She also told me to basically double text her if she does not respond because she's shit at responding, but also because she's like me reads them and answers later after having a well thought out response (which I appreciate).

Also told her it was my birthday next month and she was real excited. So hope to get something good out of that, because she always puts in great effort when she comes over.

---

In other news, got a professional networking event tonight.

Buddhist Girl is down for a shoot and to see if there is still a connection between us.

And the number and texting a blonde college student from Fet about doing a shoot.

 

[Bman]

Round 2: Property Girl

Property Girl also has been busy AF the last two weeks. Downside of dating these professional girls.

This has been an interesting week of testing me.

Property Girl was supposed to come over last Thursday because it was her day off, but then ended up getting called in to work to replace the new hire that got fired. I asked what other days she might be free. Did not get a response. No biggie.

Texted her on Saturday morning when she might be free for the weekend and she had a friend in town until Sunday afternoon. So I asked if she would like to come over Sunday evening after her friend left. Did not get a response. Assumed she was trying to figure it out and would let me know Sunday. Never got a response.

Now the week had started and it was out of my mind. But after calling out Politics Girl on Tuesday for behavior I didn't like, I knew I needed to do the same with Property Girl.

Sent the same exact message I did Politics Girl.

She immediately texted that she was sorry her communication has been shit. She explained how much she was working, then packing up boxes because she is moving places, and has been fostering a dog. She said I did nothing wrong. I told her thank you for communicating with me, it helps me to understand where she is coming from. I told her to let me know her schedule and when she will get time, and we can find a day for her to come over.

I'm pointing these examples out this week because a point of responsibility I take for the eventual divorce with my ex-wife was waiting too long to call out behavior I found unacceptable. Instead I let it go on and it became a habit, rather than nipping it in the bud when it started. I'm not saying this one thing would have made a long lasting marriage, but it is an area I could have performed much higher in. I learned that lesson.

This week I was explaining the concept of "training" girls to foducossy42. Long ago when I first came across the red pill I found some of it to be a little toxic, but one concept that stuck with me that I don't see people talk about is the Captain/ First Mate dynamic. Basically, you are the captain of the ship, you hold the vision for your two's lives, and you lead her to reach the goals you both set together. She is the first mate, doing everything she can to support your leadership because she knows that you have both of your self interests in mind. So yes, there is a power imbalance, but the dynamic serves a purpose: to make the best life possible for the both of you. So when I'm "training" them, I'm teaching them how to behave that will most optimal for both our enjoyment and reaching the goals we both set. When it becomes toxic is if I am training her to only fulfill my needs or goals.

I think the work that Zug is doing with dirty talk is the next level of this, and something I can personally improve.

A new lesson I'm learning now, and from the feedback from Spiritual Girl that I received when we broke up, is I am doing a poor job at setting boundaries and expectations for communication with my harem girls. I'd never had a harem before, let along long standing casual relationships, so I did not really know what my expectations were. Now I do. Now I need to be better at communicating those so everyone is a happy camper in the relationship.

But the testing continues...

Round 3: Nurse Girl

Yesterday I was supposed to have Nurse Girl over. She is stellar at communication. However when I texted her Tuesday to check-in I got nothing. No biggie, figured she was sleeping (she works nights). But still had nothing come Wednesday, so checked in again that she was good to come over in the afternoon. No response and never showed.

Now in her situation, I actually think something happened to her. She works nights for several days in row at the hospital. The day before she had come over the first time she was actually briefly hospitalized because something came up from being awake for too many days in a row and no sleep. I have her on FetLIfe and IG and there has been no activity on her feeds since Monday, which is abnormal for her. So I actually think something happened again since it would be the end of her 4 day work stretch. Luckily she has a husband (yes she was going to spend Valentines with me and not her husband) and family and works at the hospital, so if something did happen, she already has all the help she needs. I just get to play the waiting game to hear about it later when she finally does text me. Which I feel confident she will do.

Networking Event

Went to the professional networking event for nonprofits on Tuesday.

I have strong judgements that I will be able to leverage status in these circles. The event is full of people that either donate to the work, volunteer to do the work, or create the work; therefore the most valuable people there are the ones that create the work for otherwise the two other groups would not be able to participate. Additionally, what people value in this circle is not how much money you're making, but how much impact you are having. So now when I enter a conversation in these circles, and I get asked the blatantly obvious question, "What do you do?", I get to answer "I'm the founder of x and this is how much impact we have had so far..." Immediately DHV right at the beginning of a conversation with anyone. This is quite different from when I was networking in startup/tech circles because when you say you are a founder there it means nothing and everyone knows you're eating ramen unless you're getting VC funding. If you see, I'm doing the same thing that I wrote about in my original Social Circle guide, learning about the group and identifying what they find valuable.

Women, and many people there, unless the host or founder of an organization, are inherently submissive. I was talking with a woman after having given the elevator pitch of what I do, and her response was "Wow, I could never do that. I like to be on the sidelines and take orders from someone else." Half the crowd are volunteers and volunteers want strong leaders with clear visions and actions that will give them the reward of the warm fuzzies of doing good.

Been a while since I've done a professional networking event, but I'm pleasantly surprised by my progress in social skills and proud of my efforts, and there is plenty of room for improvement.

Breakdown:

• I worked half the room. Past me would have just found one or two people to talk to. Instead I moved between multiple groups and was able to interject myself into the conversation. What I can work on is working the entire room. I still got caught with a couple highly extroverted people who rapid fired questions at me without time to breathe or just have a moment of silence. As an introvert, this rapidly decreases my energy. I will learn how to recapture the frame of the conversation, move it where I want, and end it so I can continue working the room.
• On the note of being drained, I need to take control of the conversation quickly and move it towards more invigorating topics after doing the elevator pitch, otherwise everyone falls into the coin operated responses. This gets tiring.
• I had strong nonverbals. Kept solid eye contact with everyone I spoke to, often causing many others to look away or down. When entering a group with women, I would sit directly next to them, a little closer than what might be considered comfortable. Happened to see a video of myself that the host recorded for IG reels the next day and saw I had strong posture and animated hand movements when engaging with a couple of cute mid 20's girls (more on them in a moment).
• I was confident in myself. Before improving my inner game, I would have been self conscious about not looking like any of these people. These are buttoned up do gooders. Not tatted bikers. But I wore all black, brown wing-tipped boots, button up shirt with the top unbuttoned, one leather bracelet on one arm and one beaded on the other, and sleeves rolled up to see my tattoos. Yes I stood out, but I felt completely comfortable in myself before I even opened my mouth.
• A brunette came over and interjected herself into a conversation I was having with another guy. She thought she knew the guy from somewhere and they spent a few moments finding out that they may have both represented their orgs somewhere. Then she turned to me and said "you look really familiar, too" Honey, unless you frequent sex clubs, you have not seen me. She asked what I did, I gave the schpeel, she seemed intrigued. She talked with the other guy for a second and I engaged the blonde that had showed up who was with the brunette. Then we both got pulled into other conversations. I had already started talking with the other people when the brunette had turned around, walked back over to me and said it was really great to meet me ask she shook my hand. I held on to her hand a few moments longer than normal and asked her name again (because I forgot) and told her it was pleasure meeting her. Where I messed up is I did not catch up with her again before I was leaving to get a contact. Mostly because I was drained by the end.
• Another girl I was chatting with, the van got brought up and she asked if I was going to do a YouTube or IG for it and my travels. My dumbass got caught up the YouTube part and didn't take the easy layup for the IG. She was not as cute as the other girls, so no real loss, but a note for next time.

I enjoyed this. No personal leads but it was good for my first time back to professional networking events in a long while. And now I have some clear action items to improve on for the next. Which was supposed to be tonight, but the event turns out not to be what I though it was, so I'm not going. But already have some on the calendar for next week.

 

[Zug]

I need to take control of the conversation quickly and move it towards more invigorating topics after doing the elevator pitch, otherwise everyone falls into the coin operated responses. This gets tiring

This is a great insight that applies equally to dates or relationships in general. If no one is leading, it is probably going nowhere worth going.

I think the work that @Zug is doing with dirty talk is the next level of this, and something I can personally improve.

I think the reason dirty talk works so well is that its frame setting on a blank canvas. You can setup any type of relationship or desired arrangement in any light you want and get her to buyin in a way thats not possible elsewhere. If you want a girl that cooks and cleans for you, paint some picture of her cleaning for you in the nude and you checking her work, rewarding her with you dick everytime she does a good job.

If you want to paint a picture that pushes her into threesomes, first train her on getting rewarded for pleasing you, then tell her your fantasy of her with another woman and how much the thought of her doing it turns you on.

You can really say whatever you want if you have the confidence and she will always buy in if the steps are gradual and each step is pleasurable for her.

 

[Bman]

Alright. Taking a dose of my own medicine I prescribed to ThePermanentFix.

You keep showing up. That's a good start. If you want to go faster, admit your weaknesses to yourself. Then humble yourself and ask for help. When you receive the help, go implement it. Let us know how implementation went. Repeat the process. By the end you'll be slaying girls and rolling in the bank.

Disclaimer: I know we’re not heavy on theory here, but theory helps me to create frameworks for my understanding. I need to know how and why something works. So as I have done with my other posts, please read this and then take action. Theory > Action > Theory > Action. Repeat ad nauseam until death.

What Women Need to Have Sex with You

Need 1: A Lower Perceived Value

Recently Aella wrote “Good at Sex: Seduction Via Narrative Reinforcement (pt 7)” about seduction, game, and SMV from a woman’s perspective.

In the article she states:

“A women’s core sexual drive is this: That you fucking her is clear evidence that she is sexually valuable, because you are more valuable than she is. If she were less valuable, she would have failed to get you to fuck her. You fucking her is evidence that she is more sexually valuable than other women, who have failed to get you to fuck them.”

This followed some of the lessons I had learned, but not fully internalized yet from Yohami’s notes about “Top Guy” behavior. Thanks to Pancake for posting the “Yohami’s Rules of Text Game”, triggering me to take a read again and get the same indicator.

Excerpt from From Yohami’s Rules of Text Game:

“So any success while in the bottom frame is either:

A) Her actual self perceived value is under yours, so to her you’re not bottom (thus all your work was unnecessary). This disorients you as you don’t know exactly what you did to get this girl – it’s not something you can repeat on command, so what happened?

OR

B) She’s taking you BECAUSE of the value gap AND because she benefits from all the work you’re putting in. This is the real danger as it gives you a taste of validation. This one teaches you to work more, and fixates you on specific things you did that somehow don’t tend to repeat and can’t get another girl by working the same exact bits, but you keep trying!

When I’m writing about seduction here, I’m always talking about case A. The girl who is seeing you as above her value and is offering compliance, is turned on, is not playing machiavellian games, doesn’t want your demise. The girl who is HAPPY to see you UP, wants your leadership, wants to play the feminine to your masculine.”

So in one sentence: For a woman to fuck you, she needs to perceive your value being higher than hers.


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Before we go any further, let’s separate value from perceived value. Perceived value is a judgment from another person about where you are in the social hierarchy and your ability to contribute. Your thoughts of “I’m not good enough” are rooted in your inability to separate your value as a human being from the perceived value of your contribution to society. I knew this toxic thought all too well. For a primer on Self esteem and addressing this separation, see this lay report. Alright, back to Game.

Everything we do in Game is to influence the woman’s perception of our value. Some actions will improve their perception of us or will lower their perception of themselves thus making our perceived value higher.


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So we have two options: improve our perceived value or decrease her self perceived value.

Examples of ways to increase our perceived value:

• Self-Improvement: Everything this forum is about. Whether improving looks, financial situation, status, lifestyle, and so on, we actually improve our value in the world so that we do not need to do anything to really show it. It’s just who we are.
• Abundant Behavior: This means doing behaviors that are congruent with those who have valuable lives. For example, having multiple women in their life, being able to lead others, or being able to afford travel.
• DHV: When we share a story or show a physical symbol that we do in fact live a high value lifestyle.

Examples of ways to decrease our perceived value:

• Scarcity/ Needy Behavior: If we act like she is the only woman in our world and we need her to fulfill our every need, we are clearly not abundant.
• Self-Deprecation: Thinking and saying phrases that show we see ourselves as lower value, not good enough, and worthless, even if done with humor.
• Empathy: Shifts perception that we are alike in many ways, value being one of those. This will close the gap between her perception of herself and you. More on this later.

Examples of ways to increase her self perceived value:

• Pedestalizing: If you worship her, she is undoubtedly above you.
• Validating with Attention: The multi-billion dollar attention economy should be enough evidence to show its value. If you are giving all your attention to her, you are giving her that value.
• Compliments: You will make her feel good about herself, particularly if compliment something about herself that she really values, such as beauty. This is not necessarily a bad thing. Just realize that it will close the gap in perceived value. If you have plenty of gap, compliment away if you wish. If the gap is small, you may wish to hold the compliments.

Examples of ways to decrease her self perceived value:

• Challenging: Putting you two in a demonstration of value against each other and showing that you have greater efficacy at that thing. For example, play wrestling shows you have greater strength.
• Degradation: Words or actions that actively and explicitly put her beneath you in some dimension.
• Teasing: Calling out a subtle difference or behavior that demonstrates that she is lower in value than you are in some dimension.

For those that follow anything I post here, you know I've talked a lot about empathy. If empathy closes the gap on perceived value, and will actively hurt me if I am perceived higher, why am I using it?

Short answer: I didn’t know what I was actually doing.

Long answer…

Need 2: Safety

In order for a woman to have sex with you, and subsequently to orgasm later, she needs to feel safe. Not so safe that she has no arousal, but safe enough that her arousal is not stressing her out.

What stresses her out the most and makes her feel unsafe is being unfamiliar with who you are, or perceiving you as a stranger, outsider, or foreigner.

As tribal creatures, we kill those who are not like us (or at least we used to).

However, if she becomes too familiar with you, there is no arousal, no alertness, no attention paid to you. She see’s you’re just like her. If you’re just like her, then you’re a friend, not a foe.

If we want to fuck them, then we must remain out of the kill zone and the friend zone.





Examples of ways to stay out of the friend zone:

• Polarization: Showing how you have different beliefs, values, and thoughts.
• Man to Woman: Showing the distinction between genders in any dimension.
• Breaking Rapport: Breaking connection with a flirt, a tease, or a command.

Examples of ways to stay out of the kill zone:

• Empathy: Showing that just because you come from a different environment, you are not so different from them. You understand them, despite your differences.
• Us vs Them: Creating a frame that you two are the ones that are alike, and everyone else is different. Making your own special bubble, just for you two.
• Building Rapport: Creates trust by identifying shared feelings, values and perspectives.

So why am I using empathy so much?

I’ve always been an outsider. Being poor had put me outside of higher social classes. Moving around all the time meant I was always the new kid. I have no brothers or sisters, so it was just me, all the time. I also have a slightly rebellious spirit and tend to ask why of almost every societal standard, molding my life to be inline with what I value, not what others tell me to value. So while I may be following something that some other people do, I always have a caveat, an exception, something I’m doing differently. Even the outsiders I was an outsider of. Most kids having my background would have been in trouble. I decided to focus on excelling in school. Of course then I look odd dressed like a hoodlum going into college. Never really got close with any extended family, so even my own kin I have felt outside of. Anyways, you get the picture.

Side note: No surprise I want solo travel in a van and moving every few months…

What that meant was if I wanted to have relationships with anyone, I was going to have to show them that just because I’m different, we’re still both humans, and I understand your experiences, culture, and groups you are a part of. The greatest tool I have found to do that was empathy. What I unconsciously learned was that empathy would make me familiar AND would help raise my perceived value if I were below the other person, which I often was. If someone is above you in perceived value, and that person empathizes with you and sees you are like them, then they unknowingly have admitted that either you are more valuable than previously thought, or they are less valuable than previously thought, closing the perceived value gap so that you are equals.

Ok, great. But equals are not sexy. Sameness is not sexy. Empathy will help satisfy Need 2: Safety, but will not help satisfy Need 1: a lower perceived value than you.

If you are already equals and you use empathy you will do nothing because the gap is already closed. If you use empathy and your perceived value is higher, you are losing points.

Now let’s overlay Need 1 as the Y axis with Need 2 as the X axis to see how these two needs correlate and where the sweet spot to be is.


Need 1 & Need 2 Together


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In this graph, our lady is the pink box. We are the blue box. Yes I used stereotypical colors to define genders. Sue me.

If she perceives you as higher value, and you are just like her (or what she wants to be), she will respect you. If you approach her, she will be excited nervous.

If she perceives you as higher value, and you a stranger, she will fear you. If you approach her, she will be scared nervous.

If she perceives you as lower value, and you are just like her, she will give you sympathy, but she will not respect you. If you approach her, she will deflect with a kind rejection.

If she perceives you as lower value, and you are a stranger, she will be disgusted. If you approach her, she will harshly reject you.

In order to have sex with her we need to be perceived higher than her AND have just enough familiarity that she feels safe. This is our Fuck Zone.

If you have been working on your self improvement, being perceived by her as being of higher value, and you start using empathy, you will slide right into the LTR Zone.

If you keep using empathy, you will close the perceived value gap needed to have sex and become so similar to each other that you’re like brother and sister, or practically the same person. Landing you right in the Friend Zone.

There is a degree of empathy needed for long term relationships. You will have to compromise sometimes, which may lower your perceived value depending on the compromise. You’re also trying to build a life together and accomplish tasks for doing so like having a child for example. In order to do so, you’re going to have to see at least some things in a similar way. If you maintain polarity, you can still fuck while doing all this. If you become too similar, you will have a dead bedroom, which is just a contractually obligated friendzone.

Note on The Dark Tetrad: I believe these strategies work so well because they exaggerate the perceived value gap but those using them have just enough wherewithal to not be entirely different and trigger stranger danger.

Note on D/s: Dominance works both axes at the same time. It creates polarity and a man to woman frame. It also actively raises her perceived value of you by the nature of the activities you are doing. Her kneeling beneath you, for example. Submissive will work the axes in the reverse. If we look at marriage, you are submitting to her frame to some degree.

Now I know there are submissive men who enjoy happy sex lives. However, in my time in the scene, I see many FemDoms who hate men and they top because men are perceived as less. I’ve heard women say, “I don’t mind topping a man for kink play, but I would never have sex with him. I wouldn’t respect him.” For the guys who are submissive and actively having sex with their Dommes, I would guess that they are being perceived as higher value in some other dimension. For example, the guy who is a high achieving CEO who wants to get his balls busted in the bedroom.

Ok enough theory. What’s this mean for me?