Brandon Builds - Conversation with the ex-wife

[Spider Jerusalem]

Bman

I really enjoy reading your lay reports and learn a lot from them

Btw, I had popped a Tadalafil before the date. Worked like a charm. I recognized the thought loop and anxiety start to creep in when she was taking my pants off. I was hard before she started, and then was going a just little soft as she took my pants off, but after she took me in her mouth I never had a problem. Even later during the put the condom on time. Glad I just swallowed my ego on that. Hopefully more positive experiences like this will help rewire the thought loop.

I went through a period of similar where I struggled to stay up. Combination of nerves, anxiety and clinical depression. I also swallowed my ego and started using Sildenafil - I’d pop one half an hour before when the lay was pretty much a dead cert and I’m so glad I did.

The experience went 10 times better and it was the helping hand I needed. I always use it now with new partners as it takes a lot of the worry away. It is a big thing initially ego wise though I get that.

Van’s also looking good - I’m looking forward to reading about your adventures in it in 2024

 

[Bman]

Always appreciate you Spider Jerusalem.

I went through a period of similar where I struggled to stay up. Combination of nerves, anxiety and clinical depression. I also swallowed my ego and started using Sildenafil - I’d pop one half an hour before when the lay was pretty much a dead cert and I’m so glad I did.

The experience went 10 times better and it was the helping hand I needed. I always use it now with new partners as it takes a lot of the worry away. It is a big thing initially ego wise though I get that.

Thanks for sharing that. The experience was definitely more pleasant not having anxiety about it. I'll keep experimenting to see how often and when I wish to take it.

Keep your head up at your new job.

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Always appreciate you @Spider Jerusalem

Thanks man - nice to know I’m appreciated

Thanks for sharing that. The experience was definitely more pleasant not having anxiety about it. I'll keep experimenting to see how often and when I wish to take it.

Keep your head up at your new job.

I did the same. 25mg didn’t do much, 100 mg made me faint, but 50 mg works the best for me. It’s genuinely just trial and error as every body/tolerance is different

All the best for 2024 if I don’t catch you before - I’m hoping it’s an excellent year for you (and everyone else on the forums)

 

[Bman]

Date w/ 28yo Pink Haired Light Skinned Latina - No Pull

Tried squeezing in one more for 2023. Got cucked by her girlfriend wanting to get dinner.

I fired up Hinge this week as I was not approaching and have gotten over the motivation hurdle to go out approaching, which is why I stopped using the apps in the first place. Also tried out a different texting structure, making the a couple BDSM questions at the end a final screen so its not as abrupt as before. If it keeps working, I'll share it later.

Anyways we matched earlier in the week, but she was busy the day we matched, so set the date for today.

Coffee bar was pretty busy since its new years. When she arrived after hugging her, I asked if she wanted to get a drink, and my hard of hearing as has no idea what she said, but she sat down, so I took that as a no. It was like a beautiful novel or something because here I was dressed in all black, leather jacket, silver jewelry. She came in all white including a fuzzy white jacket with gold jewelry. She immediately commented how she loved my hair, which I reciprocated.

I really vibe intellectually with this girl. She has a very similar love of psychology and challenging societal worldviews as I do. We talked about our work first, which I shared about building my education nonprofit. Turns out she also worked for one before, but now works for a mental health non profit. We connected over broken systems.

Then I probed about her relationships. She was recently divorced this year and shared about how it fell apart, trying to open the relationship, and so on. We had very similar stories to our divorce trajectory, so I shared about mine. She was very emotionally intelligent and we vibed about never getting married again, exploring multiple relationships, ect. A lot of her breakup had to do with emotional unavailability from her partner and perceived selfishness.

She probed me a little bit about how I manage the emotions of multiple partners after I told her I have 2 other partners, because she felt she wasn't able to do that so well. I explained how men and women are different in handling emotions and I can easily compartmentalize my partners so that when I'm with one I'm 100 percent present and focused on them, not thinking about others or work or anything else. She asked how I learned to do that for which I told her years of meditation and men's group.

We talked a bit about vulnerability. I told her its very easy for me to be vulnerable with other people. If they accept that, wonderful. We can build a deep connection quickly. If they don't want to accept my vulnerability and judge, that's fine. That's on them. I'm completely ok with who I am. She was really surprised and admired that.

At this point she had adjusted her coat so that it was hanging off her shoulder to reveal more skin and her tattoo. She did have really beautiful skin, especially on her face. Was very smooth. I took notice and had extended my leg out towards her chair so that now we were constantly brushing legs together.

I asked about her other partner she had started dating at the end of her marriage who she started exploring kink with. She said they were no longer together. I probed a bit about what she explored already. She's still pretty fresh and has the "Idk what I want to do, but I just want to explore" attitude. I shared a bit about getting in the scene here and few of my kinks. I also shared about tantra as she was interested in that when we were texting.

The conversation found a natural rest and I pitched the pull.

"Mmmmmmmaybe... What time is it?"

"Almost 7."

She took a minute or two texting someone. I just sat in silence.

"I'm really curious... But I'm also hesitant."

"What are you curious about?"

"I do want to go. But I also want to emotionally protect myself. I am really curious..."

"We can go as slow as you like and you don't have to do anything you don't want. Also if you're worried about me ghosting you the next day its not going to happen."

"Hmm, ok. No I'm not worried about that. I don't want you to convince me or anything. I just don't want to get emotionally hurt. What are you doing the rest of the evening?"

What do mean, what am I doing? I'm fucking you if we get through this...

"Well spending time with you if you'd like, otherwise probably going to bed later. I get up a 4:30am."

"Ok, cause my friend texted me she wants to get dinner. I do need to eat and then I could come over later."

"You mean after you eat?"

Shook her head yes.

Took a brief moment to quickly contemplate my next move here. Who knows how long it would take her to eat with her friend. I'm not staying up all night waiting on some tail. I do like this girl, but sleep is more important to me. Furthermore, she would then take on whatever energy her friend brought, rather than what we had just built.

I said, "What's the rest of your schedule like?"

She listed out days in the week she was free, saying she was busy tomorrow and Tuesday (which felt like a good sign because she was already thinking she wanted it to be as soon as possible).

"Wednesday. You can come over Wednesday."

"Ok, I can do that. I do want to go back with you. I am really curious."

We started to get up to leave. Then she smiled and squinted her eyes a bit and said, "Oooo. You're really good... Umpf. Really good."

And what exactly is that supposed to mean?

"I'll walk you back to your car."

Walked her back and gave her a hug. Didn't give the validation of a goodbye kiss. Told her to enjoy her dinner and I'll text her.

Had the friend not texted, I think I would have easily maneuvered whatever comfort this girl needed. Could have probably had her come over later, but again, I didn't need the tail and chose other priorities. I think chances are good for her to come over Wednesday, but I'm not betting the house on it or anything. Was cool to have a nice date on NYE though.

Happy New Years, everyone!

 

[Bman]

Man, its been one of those weeks where new girls, regular girls, all girls cancel for reasons that are out of your control.

<Begin rant>

...fuck...

<End rant>

I think chances are good for her to come over Wednesday, but I'm not betting the house on it or anything.

Btw, this girl texted me on Wednesday that ENM/Poly is triggering for her and she doesn't think she can emotionally handle it. Like I said in the report, we clicked on a lot of levels, so I think I got thrown into the boyfriend bucket and she knew she'd fall for me.

Funny, before she texted me I actually thought about texting her that we probably shouldn't since it seemed she wanted something more emotionally invested and I'll be leaving in a couple months, but figured she was a big girl and could make her own decisions. Well, played out just like that anyways. Honesty doesn't always get you laid, but probably for the best. I'm trying to break backs, not hearts.

---

Anyways, this what you came for. If you're not already, I highly recommend subscribing to Aella's knowingless newsletter. She's as sexually driven as the rest of us, has a very analytical mind, but also very attractive. So she pulls an interesting perspective. Definitely read the "Good at Sex" series (not linking so the linkbacks don't reveal Fight Club. You're smart, use google).

This is from her recent survey;

I asked ~600 straight, biological women about 56 things men do in bed, ranging from sex acts to attitudes to kink. I asked:

A) how much they like the thing, and
B) how much they’ve encountered men doing the thing.

My question here is, what is currently being neglected in the marketplace of sex acts? What is the cluster of things you can do that a woman is most likely to both want, and find other men lacking in? What’s the low-hanging fruit?

I only included women who’d had sex with at least 5 people (the median sex count of this sample was 13). Average age was 32, and they leaned moderately liberal.

My sample absolutely suffers from selection bias, but it’s probably exactly the selection bias you want. You’re much less likely to have casual sex with a shy, conservative woman with a low bodycount than you are the kind of woman who’s taking my survey!

Here are the results of her survey:

 

[Crisis_Overcomer]

Here are the results of her survey:

AskTheDom since you recently had your first ever couple of lays, this might be useful to you.

 

[AskTheDom]

Saw it on Twitter and I was ready to make a commentary about it to help guys digest it.

Bottom line of this: girls want a dominant man that fuck them long, hard and deep

 

[Bman]

Got a connection from a guy in my social circle to a girl who does van life, into kink, tantra, poly and so on. Was meeting up with her today just to gather intel about navigating the scene while being a nomad and other van life tips.

I did not really know what this girl looked like, aside from a couple FetLife photos that did not really show much. I really did want intel and planned on keeping the coffee meet platonic... buuuut I'm also not going to pass up on a potential opprituntity. So of course I dressed well.

During the meet I wasn't really running any game at all, just staying my positive, friendly vibe when meeting new people. But after dozens of dates, I also can't turn of the passive game of taking up space, looking good, deep voice, intense eye contact, and doing cool shit in my life that I happen to mention.

I was asking her about how she managed her relationships as a nomad. She told me she has "active" partners in whatever area shes in and "inactive" partners, meaning if she rolled through that city, good chance they'd hookup. We talked a bit about the difficulty of having a primary partner. I told her for someone to be more than casual, I already know where I'm going in life and they have to be willing to ride shotgun on that rocket ship.

I could tell she was getting attracted. I was still deciding if I wanted to flip the switch and turn this into a date and pull. She's was ok cute.

She gave me a bunch a notes which will be really helpful and can already tell I'm going to love the lifestyle.

I was finished with my questions and we checked out her truck build. I was ready to get back to work, so told her thanks and lets keep in touch on travels. She then asked if I'd like to go on a date. I told her maybe as I still really was not sure. Oh how the tables have turned. I was the one who felt like a hot Maybe girl.

I just felt pretty good that a lot of the game was happening passively and I got to decide if I flipped the switch or not.

Honestly I have been busy selling most of the stuff in my apartment and turning the van into a home, moving in things. I'm already sleeping and working in the van, fixing all the little problems in routines and making it more efficient.

I might do a "date" aka just have her come to my place. If so, this will be a pure social circle lay.

 

[Bman]

#34 - Tantra Girl

Lay with the girl above ^

She then asked if I'd like to go on a date. I told her maybe as I still really was not sure. Oh how the tables have turned. I was the one who felt like a hot Maybe girl.

I really, really need to start listening to my intuition.

I decided to do a date down by the lake by my place. My original plan was to do the first pull back to the van, but the battery was dead so I could not drive it down there. So just pulled back to my house.

Nothing fancy about the date, just finished the escalation from where we left off the other day.

She's actually quite sexually sophisticated, and does sexuality and intimacy coaching for others. She's big into tantra as well. But we just couldn't really match up well once in the bedroom last night. Sex was ok. I didn't even end up cumming. Didn't really feel like it was either of our faults really.

I'm just really left with a question as of recently.

Is there any way to really tell what sex is going to be like with her before actually having sex with her?

If sex is going to be mediocre or bad sex, most of the time I'd just rather not have it. This is not just for me. When we were getting dressed, Tantra Girl asked if I always sleep with girls this quickly. I said yes, most of the time. She said it was the fastest she'd ever connected with someone. I know honey, I've heard that line a dozen times... I don't like taking these girls on a emotional rollercoaster, then churning and burning if the sex was not that great. They are not like socks from Amazon that if I bought a shitty pair, no problem I can buy another. They are human beings and it sucks every time to squash that connection. Let's just skip the disappointment, can we?

I don't know how to get around this paradox besides being even more specific in questions to them before having sex about exactly what they want and if we are going to match in that. In my experience so far, you can ask all the questions you want, but you won't really know until you do the deed. Even worse, most people suck at talking about sex either because they have shame around it or are just inexperienced so the barometer is pretty shitty. It makes me have a lot of empathy for hot women. They get dozens of guys who say "oh baby, i'll make you cum so many times." And then they are a disappointment. Only I get, "Oh I give the best head." Yeaaah, you probably don't but you've been told by guys who have only had 3 girls suck their dick that you have world class head game.

I just feel like I'm becoming incredibly jaded. I feel like the pool of women that I actually want to put effort into having sex with just keeps getting smaller. For example, I'm developing a strong bias towards petite or fit girls. Not just because they look better but anatomically their pussy feels better. It's smaller, tighter, has more grip. Those girls are usually more flexible and easier to pick up and move around, so I can get whatever perfect angle I want. I've only learned this from fucking a variety of girls. It's what feels best, so it's what I go for. Now I feel like I'm developing a bias towards a particular skill level in sex and that it matches the type of sex I want have. When before, I would have been happy having sex with a cute girl and didn't really care how she went about sex.

I guess this is just developing standards or going after quality girls or whatever. It just makes it feel like it's more difficult. Again, empathy for the hot girl, because I'm imagining this is what she feels like. I'm friends with this incredibly attractive woman with some of the best tits I've ever seen on FetLife. She's just a regular professional woman here in Austin, not an OnlyFans girl or anything. But she does status posts all the time basically putting up an ad for something very specific that she wants like guys with a 9in dick or can make her squirt multiple times, then says to comment below if you're that person and if the post is still up she is still looking. I just laugh because if a guy did that, he'd be raked over the coals. However, if you have that much abundance, you just get picky out of sheer respect of time and everyone's emotions.

Am I being too ruthless with these girls, just moving on too quickly if they are not up to par? II just don't want to keep seeing them in hopes that it gets better. That is only going to make the sting worse when I say I'm not feeling it. Which by the way, I did with Psychadelics Girl last year and you can read my log to find out how bad that went.

Tantra Girl is already texting me this morning, having enjoyed our time together. I'm torn between moving on, business as usual, or being completely honest and telling her I'm up to try again, but if we don't click in the bedroom then I'd like to move on for both our sakes.

Had a girl today from Hinge that I was setting up to do a straight to my house. However her photos were iffy. I think I'll just cancel if it's happening. I just would rather not have mediocre sex today.

I think I might abstain from sex for a week or two. I don't know. I just feel bleh. Not going to be hard as all my regular girls are inactive at the moment. Politics Girl is in a funk with low libido which is really irregular for her because that girl is very sexual. I've been trying to help her pin point what it might be. Property Girl has strep throat. Rope Bunny texted me she enjoys seeing me but the last two times she came over the apartment apparently smelled too much like meat (because I had just cooked before she came over both times) so she doesn't want to come over anymore to my place. No other girl has ever said anything about that... <- Another example of I should have listened to my intuition before about her being a princess (or rather incredibly sensitive to the environment she is having sex in and if I'd like to be compatible with the sensual type of sex she enjoys than I'd need to be more aware of something like that).

...

Anyways, thanks for reading my jaded, first world problems. Open to any advice on this.

 

[Squilliam]

Tbh I don't blame you for wanting to turn down mediocre sex. I feel the same way, once you've had decent sex you don't really want to go back to mediocre or subpar sex.

 

[Paid Renegade]

I think it’s an unavoidable part of getting lots of sexual experience. The pool of girls I find worthwhile has definitely gotten MUCH smaller than when I started here so I am constantly saying no thanks and having less sex in general right now.

A positive way to look at it is that it keeps you hungry in a sense to keep improving yourself so that you can get to that next tier of girl. I was worried in the beginning that tagging multiple new girls per week was going to make me complacent and take away my drive for self improvement but that hasn’t been the case because your standards for what keeps you satisfied shift over time.

The other thing is that girls really have to take a back seat, once your getting pussy I feel that you shouldn’t be spending too much mental energy on it, except when it motivates you and makes you excited to grow as a man. Not something I want to put pressure on myself over or beat myself up for a subpar sexual experience, it’s lake having a desert that didn’t taste the best, big deal who cares

 

[Keros]

It's hard for anyone new to live up to girls you've seen for some time. One of my FWB has been with me for almost 6 years, no one can measure up to that. Any new girl must offer something in addition to sex for me to make an effort with them. You may have found your saturation point.

 

[Holden]

Is there any way to really tell what sex is going to be like with her before actually having sex with her?

Not in my experience. You can usually tell if it's going to be bad, but not if it's going to be good.

 

[Bman]

One of my FWB has been with me for almost 6 years

Six years with the same FWB is impressive. How did you maintain FWB status with her for that long? Were you seeing her consistently for those six years or was there down time?

 

[Keros]

She wants more than I can give and accepts what I can. The best sexual chemistry either of us have found. At times I have ended things because it was hurting her or I tried monogamy with someone else, but we always come back. She wants an exclusive monogamous relationship and I have encouraged seeking it many times, but she is an adult making her own decisions. Still good friends when benefits are off the table, we do a lot for each other.

 

[Slickbackkhair]

I feel like the pool of women that I actually want to put effort into having sex with just keeps getting smaller. For example, I'm developing a strong bias towards petite or fit girls. Not just because they look better but anatomically their pussy feels better. It's smaller, tighter, has more grip. Those girls are usually more flexible and easier to pick up and move around, so I can get whatever perfect angle I want. I've only learned this from fucking a variety of girls. It's what feels best, so it's what I go for. Now I feel like I'm developing a bias towards a particular skill level in sex and that it matches the type of sex I want have. When before, I would have been happy having sex with a cute girl and didn't really care how she went about sex.

I feel you on petite women. 1,000%. One thing I'm wondering about the skill level in sex/matches the type of sex you want is: what if you find your ideal type of girl body wise and you teach/lead that girl into the way you want to have sex?

If she's 80% of the way there with her body, why not show her how to be the last 20% with her behavior?

Just a thought.

 

[Bman]

She wants more than I can give and accepts what I can. The best sexual chemistry either of us have found. At times I have ended things because it was hurting her or I tried monogamy with someone else, but we always come back. She wants an exclusive monogamous relationship and I have encouraged seeking it many times, but she is an adult making her own decisions. Still good friends when benefits are off the table, we do a lot for each other.

That is rad. Sounds like you have found a perfect person at that level of commitment. I'm hoping to do something similar with my ex wife.

I'm wondering about the skill level in sex/matches the type of sex you want is: what if you find your ideal type of girl body wise and you teach/lead that girl into the way you want to have sex?

You're pretty right on this, and what I do with my regular girls. Just keep teaching them over time. What I need to improve is doing it right from the get go.

 

[Bman]

Update

Apologies for the whining above. I got back to work. Been a while since a proper update. Here’s what is cooking in the kitchen.

Girls

Politics Girl is busy AF.

Rope Bunny is out for all intents and purposes. We’ve just fizzled out, no formal breakup.

Had Property Girl over Thursday. Shame I’ll be leaving soon. Very sweet girl and would have been great to train for what I like.

I was up in the air about continuing to see Tantra Girl again. We had scheduled for her to come over again yesterday. During the day she texted me asking me what I wanted her to wear and I sent over some things. About two hours before she was supposed to come over I decided I did not want to have sex with her again or pursue any sort of casual relationship, but she’s a cool person and was fine with being platonic. So rather than cancel and explain that over text, I decided to run an experiment in honesty, having her still come over and expressing these feelings to her in person.

She did listen and wore a shapely black dress (and I’m sure the other rule of wearing no panties underneath). Felt bad she had put in the effort and now I was essentially going to tell her I didn’t want to sleep with her. She asked how I was, I said just ok. Then explained things to her, basically saying we’re sexually incompatible, if we went further she’d develop more feelings, and I’d probably end up breaking it off anyways. As I thought she might, she took it very well and we talked for about an hour. She did subtly hint a few times of “are you sure”, including rubbing her body against mine as we talked and I reassured her every time it was a no, which she would follow with a playful bratty “ohhhkkay.”

Aside from talk about sex, she also gave me some valuable feedback on a pitch video I had made earlier in the week for my non profit. I had shared it with her because she had taken an interest earlier. One thing she mentioned was that my passion and drive were such a turn on.

We agreed on possibly doing some erotic photography, she models and I shoot, as it was common interest and I’d updated my FetLife profile recently about photography (more on this later).

As she was leaving I gave her a firm hug that she nuzzled into chest and sighed. She said “ooo, my body keeps asking if I’m sure, and I keep having to tell it no, he definitely said no.”

Was this necessary? No. Is it the kind of man I want to be? Yes. And I don’t see many other guys operating in this way, so the only way I know how being this rawly honest will play out is by doing it myself.

Cold Approach

Alright, before I get to my Social Game 2.0, let’s formally address this.

Before the end of 2023, I was going out every day for about 2 hours to do CA sessions. I was starting to get over the AA hurdle and feeling comfortable about doing approaches. I was getting a number about ⅓ or ¼ of the time.

Then the Christmas to new years came and the streets were dead mostly. I also decided to do a final push to finish things up with the van. After 2024 came, I’ve focused mostly on selling or donating items in my apartment and getting the rest of it moved in the van with proper routines. As such, I have not given dedicated time to doing approaches.

Now I have started getting way more excited about work and other creative content projects, such as creating YouTube series on the van build and doing photography.

I’ve also been thinking a lot lately about what I want in terms of partners and dating wise, which has really pushed me towards focusing my efforts on social game.

I’ve realized just how much of a time commitment I would need to make in order to become proficient at day game. It’s a skill that must be consistently practiced. I just don’t want to make that commitment if it means taking time away from these other items I am excited about. I’d rather focus my time on mastering social game, which brings me more enjoyment. If I split my attention between these two, I’ll do both poorly. I don’t believe in continuing to pursue a goal if it will not serve your ultimate aim.

So instead I will do the minimal amount required to gain the benefits of managing my AA, having the confidence to still go after a woman if I see her. For me, this will look like still making a few approaches each day while doing my other activities in the city during the day. Normally this is a poor strategy, however, with the van I will be “out and about” 24/7. I will have opportunities at the dog park, at the store, at the gym, at spaces I’m working in, at social events I’ll be attending and on the streets I’m parked near by, every single day during my normal routine.

For the record, I tremendously respect the day gamers on this forum with the effort and dedication you put into day game. I believe it is a worthwhile pursuit. I won’t ever be your level for that skill, and that’s ok.

Social Game

Ok, enough preamble.

Let’s first discuss why I want to focus primarily on social game.

• It’s the most fun I have had in game. I feel like I’m vibrating when I use pre-selection and see girls fawn. I’ve yet to get tired of having INBOUND leads. I’m jazzed everytime.
• It’s a system that builds upon itself. Something that annoyed me from the very beginning using the apps is I would spend tons of time getting a lead, and even if it would convert, it would not help me get the next lead. It’s actually why I started getting on FetLife in the first place. When I acquire a lead in social game, either through direct or indirect interaction with that girl, it adds to my status which in turn helps me to get the next lead. Cold leads are also never entirely lost because they still sit on your friends list and get nurtured by your content and activity (as long as you combine online and offline).
• While I am decently attractive, I’m never going to beat out the other guys on the apps. Furthermore, my biggest strengths are in person. Most of the time, I feel pretty confident that if I get the girl one on one with me on a date, it's a done deal. I don’t get to use those parts of my game on apps, but I do in social game.
• I’m wanting some very specific things in partners and rather than fishing in the ocean, I’d rather fish where those people congregate.

What I want in partners

It's been almost two years since the divorce. I’m finally at a point that it would be nice to have a primary partner in crime. I don’t want a wife. However I do want someone to share the glory of what I’m building with. I do miss the more romantic, intimate moments that happen only when someone is around you a lot. I am, however, not giving up my harem building and sexual degeneracy.

Long story short is I’m looking for two things: my Immy, someone who wants to help me build and be a part of my mission in my professional life AND wants to partake in my dating life, and harem girls, sexually adventurous, sexually forward, attractive girls who want to partake in taking photos, sex parties, and group activities.

Here’s what each of those look like:

Primary partner:

• MUST be focused on education so she can be a part of my mission. Most likely an educator of some sort. I don’t think it’s actually going to be too hard finding a sexually open teacher, as I by happenstance interacted with a few kinky teachers on Tinder.
• Sexual and kinky, submissive, feminine, exhibitionist, and wants group sex
• Poly or at very least ok with me being so
• Does not want marriage, kids, or a traditional life
• Nomadic - would be great if she had her own rig
• Health focused
• Petite/ small with perky breasts
• Enjoys volunteering/ helping people: high compassion
• Intelligent and can have intellectual conversations; high openness
• Enthusiastic, joyful, positive
• Low-mid neuroticism
• Moderate conscientiousness, high industriousness
• Honest and can have hard conversations

Harem girls:

• Sexual and kinky, submissive, feminine, exhibitionist, and wants group sex
• Knows what a calendar is
• Honest and forward
• Petite/fit
• High openness

I know I’m essentially looking for unicorns, but when you get to the nitty gritty of what you want as an individual, everything becomes unicorn status. If you asked me 2 years ago if I’d be able to find and attract a woman like this, I’d say you’re crazy. Now I think it's very possible, it will just take time, intention, and action. So let’s get to that.

Social Strategy 2.0

OVERVIEW

Running my munch, running events, attending sex parties, and being a part of FetLife has shown me a lot about where the hottest girls are in the BDSM community and how to interact with them.

Although running my munch has been great, and was a perfect beginning for someone with zero status to start, I don’t think it’s the most optimal for attracting attractive girls consistently, especially for the particular girls I am now looking for.

Additionally, any success I have had so far in social game has come from marrying offline with online. You build status by interacting and providing value to those in person, then you carry and showcase that status online. As Denzel taught me in Training Day, “it’s not what you know. It’s what you can prove.” However, it’s hard to carry that in person status when I’m moving cities every few months. So I need to leverage online to a greater degree now.

In order to do that I will be using the vehicle of photography, consistently shooting with models that I may or may not be fucking, supported by social groups and events I attend. After following some top people over the last year, I think it has real potential for me.

The most popular people on FetLife have some sort of specialty to them: rigger, photographer, onlyfans, sadist, ect. And curates all their photos around that specialty.

Case Study 1: A rigger in Seattle with 30k followers that also takes amazing photos of his work. He also has sex with many of the girls he ties. He states “Anything or anybody you see on this profile is my original work. Some of it is platonic rope art, some of it is personal fun and some of it is commercially available smut. Best not to assume what is what”. I found this to be genius, because even the girls he does not have sex with add to his preselection for the girls that do want to have sex with him.

Case Study 2: a male OF star, previously an actor, with 27k followers, always posts pictures tagging the girls he’s having sex with, either in the sex act or just his face with their tits or something. Again, more preselection, and obviously biased towards girls who also make content. However he has 9 play partners listed on his profile, aka his harem, and for the most part is posting content he made with them with the occasional one offs here and there.

Case Study 3: Erotic/ Boudoir Photographer here in TX with 30k followers who explicitly states “Exhibitionism through photos is a really big kink and turn on for me. I'm still doing erotic and kink photography as a hobby, but I only do it as part of real play and real sexual experiences with my partners or other interested kinksters. If that appeals to you, just send a message. ” And has many photos with him being a part of the photos he’s taking with girls.

A long time ago when I first got married, I was starting to get into photography. I joined a facebook group in my city for photographers and models. I remember some people talking about a local photographer to steer clear of because it was rumored he slept with his models. I of course went and checked out his work and the models were gorgeous and he didn’t seem to be having a problem getting more girls to shoot… I thought it was fucking awesome.

Funny side story, during that time I actually did some boudoir shoots in my apartment with models for an ecommerce brand, while my wife was at work, she knew about it and was ok with it… god I wish I knew what I knew now.

It’s easy to get labeled as “guy with camera” doing this; however, what sets me apart from guys just trying to get laid with a camera is 1) I actually have skills 2) I’m being honest and upfront about it, just like the case studies.

Photography is also just something I thoroughly enjoy. I have downsized and purged possessions 4-5 times now and every time photography equipment survives the purge. It’s clearly a hobby I enjoy. I’ve also done all kinds of photography: portraits, wedding, concert, product, lifestyle, boudoir, ect. Photographing women is by far my favorite subject.

Now ethically, I don’t want to create traditional porn per se. I find it to be a net negative for the most part. Instead I’d rather do more fine art nudes/ boudoir/ softcore photos that have a fantasized theme to them that plays to psychology (which I learned from the OG OF girl in my log does extremely well) and has appreciation for the feminine form. I’m also thinking about a creative project around sex education involving filming real sexual experiences with a “how-to” commentary overdubbed and candid/honest conversations afterwards of what the experience was like emotionally/psychologically for them. Basically luring in people with candy and delivering broccoli instead with wholesome content.

Now let’s look at how this strategy unfolds online and offline, aimed towards getting the girls I want.

ONLINE

Fetlife

Fetlife will be my greatest source of pre-screened harem girls. On FetLife I will be posting the pictures I take of girls and tagging them. The great thing about FL is that when someone likes your photo, it shows up in all of their friends' feeds which means massive reach. I’ve already written a portion of my bio as marketing copy to speak to girls who would want to shoot, explicitly stating that it can be either platonic or as play. Pretty much running the playbooks of my case studies.

I will bolster my social proof and trustability by continuing to attend, support, or host events in the community, which will show up in my feed. Additionally I have already written in my bio about my experience from the community here in ATX.

Instagram

FetLife is great for getting my harem girls, but what about my primary partner whose main focus is education, something pretty normie? Sure, I may find her in BDSM circles, but probability is low and I don’t leave things to chance.

I finally started up my instagram. I will be posting the more tame photos on my instagram, alongside photos I take of myself which will create a halo effect in the feed.

I will also capture stories with the girls I am shooting, as a behind the scenes “I’m shooting with x today”. (Thanks Holden for really inspiring this whole side of social game for me)

I will also be posting photos of my van life travels. Van life is an inherently instagramable lifestyle. It’s pretty common for someone to ask when you bring up van life if you have an instagram. Additionally, there are huge crossovers in social circles between van life and those into Tantra (and attending tantric sex parties).

So my plan is when I am attending a kink/ sex event, add girls to my FetLife. When I am attending a “normal” social event, and girls to my Instagram. Either way they will be introduced to my status.

Obviously van life and boudoir photography will immediately turn off some normie girls. That's great! She’s not my unicorn then. What I have already found from my preliminary tests on the apps, is even van life attracts, having gotten an inbound lead on Hinge (which never happens) and one on Tinder (which I can’t show because tinder did a weird reset this morning and deleted all my conversations…)


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IN PERSON

BDSM Community Events

For each city I enter, I will be identifying the largest or top group/ event for that city and finding out how I can help with it. I will let them know I helped out with events previously in other cities, for which they can contact leadership for those events and inquire about me. This will help me get footing quickly in the new city. Instant status transfer.

Particularly in the first month of being in a city, I will be attending many of the munches to make my face known. Along the way I will be adding those people to my FetLife, which already has the pipeline in place.

Bespoke, High End Sex Parties

Munches are ok, but the really attractive girls are going to private sex parties, curated and invite only. There is one here in Austin that the hosts have a beautiful home turned into a dungeon, do themed parties, offer free alcohol from a skilled bartender, and curate the list for 30-50 people tops AND its free!

This is the way to go.

I’d like to host high end sex parties of about 30 people, high ratio of women to men, most likely in hotel suites or nice private residences, and probably include kinky dinner party type themes like having service subs being sushi plates or serving whiskey.

I’m thinking that in each city I live in, I could befriend someone who has more money than time or skill, and partner with them to throw parties. They cover the costs, I take care of sourcing girls, curating the guest list, vetting STD panels and consent acknowledgements, handling logistics of getting the party together, handling safety precautions and so on. Hell, if they wanted to make part of their house a dungeon, I’ve got the design chops to do that, too.

The first few times of doing this will be difficult. After doing it a few times, word of mouth spreads, and I have a network of girls who I have photographed before and may be willing to travel, it’ll be easy. I feel pretty confident that the parties would attract new girls in each city.

Tantra Community

Tantric sex parties are a lot different than BDSM focused ones. When you attend one you will be focused a lot more on connecting with the other people, however there is also a lot more actual sex. I did not get much into the Tantric community here in Austin because I was so focused on building status in the BDSM circles. However, as I mentioned before, tantra and van life have big crossover circles. So I’ll be exploring this more. Luckily the circles also cross into kink sometimes, myself as a case study of that.

Van Life Community

Van lifers often caravan with each other or do big meetups where everyone camps out together. Every city also has online groups for that area as well. I predict I will start picking up status in these circles due to my design/building skills and having done my own build, and the content I’ll be creating on YouTube for van life: a van build series and guides for each city I live in. When these peeps also get added to either IG or FL, they will be in the funnel as well.

Vanilla Social Groups

I’m also going to be experiencing as much of the culture and what each city has to offer as I can. I’m going to take all the social and game skills I’ve learned and take them over to normal circles. I know one of my archetypes that respond well to me are the good girls who want to explore going bad, and as such, this will most likely be where I find my unicorn.

Here’s the groups I’ll be attending:

• Volunteering, specifically education focused: I genuinely just enjoy doing this but so do a lot of girls.
• Education events: classes/continuing education; conferences (both as participant and speaker); mentoring opportunities - most likely where I’ll find the primary partner
• Photography groups: A lot of these groups have photographers who all get together and do photowalks of their city. Great way for me to get content from people who know the best spots. Also, a lot of these groups have amateur models - source lead.
• Dancing classes: some of my favorite lays were dancers. It’s also a skill I have just wanted to have. Luckily a lot of studios have a 2-3 month curriculum which is perfect because that's how long I’ll be in a city.
• Local government/ politics: this is more part of a long term thing for me, but it will help me to get to know a city really well. I don’t see it being a huge lead source… at least in the beginning.

ACTIONS TAKEN SO FAR

That’s all fantasyland at this point, so here’s the actions I have taken so far towards that:

Started my instagram and just added photos I have previously taken. I don’t even have 30 followers yet and already had an attractive blonde model from the UK DM wanting to shoot when she came to Austin for a friend's wedding. I’ll be gone by then, but it was cool to get that already.


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Setup two shoots already. One model was an inbound on FL. She’s an OF girl and one of her videos just hit 20k on pornhub. We are doing a more classy shoot together as she has particular niche in her marketing she'd like to fill. High probability I’m fucking her (so if you see me on your OF subscriptions, Hi!) Shoot is on Tuesday, no date, straight to my place.


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The other model was a lead from my munch. She is actually a traveling nurse. She recently did a shoot with a body paint artist, so I asked if I could shoot her. She’s been sending me nudes this week, we’re doing a date before the shoot, good probability I’ll be fucking her but we’ll see. Shoot is tomorrow.





Also:

• Starting to take pictures for FL, hence the recent avatar change. Getting ready to do the same for IG for a van life shoot.
• Been chatting with my ex-wife. Added her to my instagram so she can get nurtured and not be shocked when I show up and tell her the other side of my life for the last two years. She looks forward to seeing me and hanging out with some of our social circle from college.
• I’ve briefly started researching the scene in Denver (my first stop). Luckily Denver is not too far from Austin and there are bound to be some people that know of the community here. So when I start name dropping, they will know I’m legit.
• Found a salsa dance studio in Denver that does 15 classes and has a two month curriculum. Solid.
• Already added the photography groups for Denver on facebook. One of them does a photowalk of the city for $45.
• Found some tantra events in Denver to try out, including a speed dating one.

Will all this work? I don’t know. I got this far.

In the infamous words of the great philosopher 50 cent “I’ll get rich, or die trying.”

 

[Olafsmash]

God damnit this is exciting to follow. This is exactly the shit i'm dreaming of doing, but you're actually doing it.

 

[Holden]

First post on the forums I've bookmarked for future reference