Crimson’s Progress Log

Woke up at 5AM and studied for my pedagogy exam. Then I had to go and take it. It’ll be at least a D, which will be the best I’ve done in pedagogy this semester (only F‘s, I think).

At home my father wanted to have a conversation with me. Talked about me not taking responsibility and stuff. He told me that he loved me, which was the first time I heard him say that (as far as I can remember). He said that he doesn’t want me to end up going astray and end up amounting to nothing. He cried at the end, so I hugged him and told him I love him too.

Not really too keen on improving our relationship for now, I think I’ll do that after I move out. I really just want to get out. We‘ll also be able to have a more productive conversation when we’re „on one level“ and I’m not dependent on him anymore. But it was good to hear the reassurance.

Texted a guy that’s currently offering a job. I’ll update when he responds. The job that I applied for like a month ago (working at the grocery store) said that they don’t need new employees.







Apart from that nothing new. This day was more of a chill day after actually taking life serious for a couple of days. Will be back at it tomorrow, although it’ll be Sunday (got my German exam coming up on Tuesday).

Feeling pretty lonely, time to make some friends.


TAKE ACTION

Crimson
 
Post from yesterday. Woke up at 5AM and did all my chores. I then ate breakfast and went back to sleep. When I woke up, it was time for school work.

I had a whole book to read for my German exam on Tuesday. 100 pages. So what I did was read 10 pages (close the book after reading each page and reciting what I remember) and then go to sleep or chill for a while and kept that cycle up. It took me from like 12AM to 10PM to finish it, (with the relevant meals kept in mind), but I completed it.

It’s crazy how much more time you have when you wake up this early. On Saturday night I would usually stay up until 5AM and wake up at like 12AM and then wonder how the weekend passed so fast.

I was like „damn, this day is long huh“ but it was only 1PM haha. Also took some baby-steps towards making friends on bumble.


TAKE ACTION

Crimson
 
Woke up at 5AM and prepared for the day.

Then went off to school. Paid attention and performed well.

After school I had a coaching call, slept and then went to basketball training. The day was good but then I arrived home and became very aware of the driving session tomorrow.

I started crying in fear of tomorrow. I ultimately decided to cancel tomorrows session and to reschedule. Too scared + lack of sleep.

It’s currently 0:11AM, so less than 5 hours of sleep. Got my German exam tomorrow, so Red Bull will be needed.


TAKE ACTION

Crimson
 
Crimson said:
Woke up at 5AM and prepared for the day.

Then went off to school. Paid attention and performed well.

After school I had a coaching call, slept and then went to basketball training. The day was good but then I arrived home and became very aware of the driving session tomorrow.

I started crying in fear of tomorrow. I ultimately decided to cancel tomorrows session and to reschedule. Too scared + lack of sleep.

It’s currently 0:11AM, so less than 5 hours of sleep. Got my German exam tomorrow, so Red Bull will be needed.


TAKE ACTION

Crimson
Click to expand...

The driving thing will go away the more you have lessons, eventually you reach a level of competence where you don't feel like a complete liability on the roads and your instructor will almost certainly be able to prevent anything bad from happening anyway.

That said, your driving improves the most once you actually pass the test and drive on your own, then it becomes like second nature. Just keep at it with the lessons and in a few months you'll look back and laugh at how much anxiety driving used to give you.

My main problem eventually was how fucking boring lessons become, especially when I failed my test the first time and had to do another 2 months of lessons waiting for another test to open up
 
Sleep:

930/10pm to bed

Rise at sunrise.

Repeat for a duration.

That'll fix a considerable number of problems, including anxiety.
 
Striker said:
Crimson said:
Woke up at 5AM and prepared for the day.

Then went off to school. Paid attention and performed well.

After school I had a coaching call, slept and then went to basketball training. The day was good but then I arrived home and became very aware of the driving session tomorrow.

I started crying in fear of tomorrow. I ultimately decided to cancel tomorrows session and to reschedule. Too scared + lack of sleep.

It’s currently 0:11AM, so less than 5 hours of sleep. Got my German exam tomorrow, so Red Bull will be needed.


TAKE ACTION

Crimson
Click to expand...

The driving thing will go away the more you have lessons, eventually you reach a level of competence where you don't feel like a complete liability on the roads and your instructor will almost certainly be able to prevent anything bad from happening anyway.

That said, your driving improves the most once you actually pass the test and drive on your own, then it becomes like second nature. Just keep at it with the lessons and in a few months you'll look back and laugh at how much anxiety driving used to give you.

My main problem eventually was how fucking boring lessons become, especially when I failed my test the first time and had to do another 2 months of lessons waiting for another test to open up
Click to expand...

That makes sense, thank you for your comment.
 
MakingAComeback said:
Sleep:

930/10pm to bed

Rise at sunrise.

Repeat for a duration.

That'll fix a considerable number of problems, including anxiety.
Click to expand...

Gotta work on that, thanks.
 
Haven’t posted in a couple days.

Been a lazy week, struggling mentally. Currently doing Jordan Peterson‘s Future authoring program.


TAKE ACTION

Crimson
 
Jokes (67X)= 3.350 kp

Gym (6x)= 120 kp

Self-Care= 590 kp

Forum encouragement (6X)= 120 kp




3.350 kp + 120 kp + 590 kp + 120 kp= 4.180 kp

43.180 kp - 4.180 kp= 39.000 kp



New total karmic debt: 39.000 kp
 
Started a YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/@crimson1111. Very nervous about it, but it’s something I’ve always wanted to do because it gives me an opportunity to talk about my life, even if only to myself. I can’t promise daily videos, but I do want to keep the channel going.

In the video I talk about me „experimenting“ with a rope and my doorknob. Not a suicide attempt, but alarming nonetheless. I’ve tried to bottle up everything and „just be“ high-functioning.

I feel guilty because I’ve already gotten so much advice from everyone and I’m still in this position. I stopped opening up and posting less because I didn’t want to be a burden. Feels like I’m not putting any advice into practice.

Anyways after I untied the rope from my neck, I told myself that I won’t go any lower than this. But I won’t be able to do it alone, I’ll call some therapists tomorrow.






Note: Also, I’m pretty sure a big reason for my mental health issues is the lack of freedom that comes from still living with my parents. Took a baby-steps towards getting a job.


TAKE ACTION

Crimson
 
LETS GO BRO

Post as much as you want

You are welcome and you are a part of this community

We are brothers in arms, we do not give up on each other

That is the ethos Andy and Radical wanted and that is what we will sustain

KEEP SHARING

With solid sleep, deep inner work, healing, opening up and sharing, you WILL heal

Your work WILL pay off

I subscribed to your YouTube, We allow links to member generated content, IF it's vlogging their journey, which this is.

You're good.

KEEP WORKING & HEALING

Ravi
 
Crimson said:
Jordan Peterson‘s Future authoring program.
Click to expand...

I did that when I was 18yo. Looking back on it I can see how much it helped with sorting out thoughts about my future & getting some direction in life. Definitely a good idea.

Good luck bro

Red
 
Crimson said:
I feel guilty because I’ve already gotten so much advice from everyone and I’m still in this position. I stopped opening up and posting less because I didn’t want to be a burden. Feels like I’m not putting any advice into practice.
Click to expand...

There is no need to feel this way. We are all here to help each other regardless of the number of posts someone makes daily/weekly or whatever.

Remember the advice that progress is progress, no matter how big it is. As long as you're making a little progress daily, you're doing a great job.
Some people are in more advantageous positions, are talented learners, maybe got a bit lucky and you see them make really fast progress.
Other people are going very slow at the start and then suddenly make a massive click one day.

Not everyone develops in the same way. Enjoy your own unique ride and make it worth it :)
 
Crimson,

Have you found a therapist to speak to?

You will need to find psychological support.

There are also other powerful ways to heal the body and mind dude.

Earthing.
Sunrise.
Cold Theremogenesis.
Sleep.

MAC
 
Crimson said:
I’m pretty sure a big reason for my mental health issues is the lack of freedom that comes from still living with my parents
Click to expand...

another big reason is that there's a thing called MENTAL ILLNESS, those are biological and genetic and has nothing to do with enviromental circumstences, no forum/advice/therapist can restore the brain chemistry on the brain, only meds prescribed by a qualified professional can do it

MakingAComeback said:
There are also other powerful ways to heal the body and mind dude.

Earthing.
Sunrise.
Cold Theremogenesis.
Sleep.
Click to expand...

he tied a rope around his neck, he has severe mental illness, the things you talk about are great but first he has to take care of his brain chemistry and only a psychiatrist can help him with that, once the meds start working earthing sunrise sleep hygine are great, but you can't cure severe mental illness with those things
 
Thrice said:
Crimson said:
I’m pretty sure a big reason for my mental health issues is the lack of freedom that comes from still living with my parents
Click to expand...

another big reason is that there's a thing called MENTAL ILLNESS, those are biological and genetic and has nothing to do with enviromental circumstences, no forum/advice/therapist can restore the brain chemistry on the brain, only meds prescribed by a qualified professional can do it

MakingAComeback said:
There are also other powerful ways to heal the body and mind dude.

Earthing.
Sunrise.
Cold Theremogenesis.
Sleep.
Click to expand...

he tied a rope around his neck, he has severe mental illness, the things you talk about are great but first he has to take care of his brain chemistry and only a psychiatrist can help him with that, once the meds start working earthing sunrise sleep hygine are great, but you can't cure severe mental illness with those things
Click to expand...

It's ok to have a difference of opinion, so I hear ya.

BUT

1000% mental illness is linked to failure of the mitochondrial colony in the brain

They're brain problems caused by dysfunctions in motochondria that have begun to perform poorly

Loss of redox potential starts the decline

Medications are a scam and they are poison. They treat the symptoms and not the cause.

Remember, I had "severe" clinical anxiety and was housebound for years

This shit DOES HAVE a solution

https://youtu.be/d7qjh4BIGbc

Gaining electrons, restoring redox, and consuming DHA to reduce brain inflammation is the answer

Just my opinion from 12 years of research

People have to fail and fail until their options have run out before they address the cause

........Much like the journey with girls ;-)

MAC
 
MakingAComeback said:
LETS GO BRO

Post as much as you want

You are welcome and you are a part of this community

We are brothers in arms, we do not give up on each other

That is the ethos Andy and Radical wanted and that is what we will sustain

KEEP SHARING

With solid sleep, deep inner work, healing, opening up and sharing, you WILL heal

Your work WILL pay off

I subscribed to your YouTube, We allow links to member generated content, IF it's vlogging their journey, which this is.

You're good.

KEEP WORKING & HEALING

Ravi
Click to expand...

Thank you Ravi, I’ll keep going.
 
Red said:
Crimson said:
Jordan Peterson‘s Future authoring program.
Click to expand...

I did that when I was 18yo. Looking back on it I can see how much it helped with sorting out thoughts about my future & getting some direction in life. Definitely a good idea.

Good luck bro

Red
Click to expand...

Yeah definitely, the program seems really well thought-out. Thanks bro
 
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