Crimson’s Progress Log

[Crimson]

I feel guilty because I’ve already gotten so much advice from everyone and I’m still in this position. I stopped opening up and posting less because I didn’t want to be a burden. Feels like I’m not putting any advice into practice.

There is no need to feel this way. We are all here to help each other regardless of the number of posts someone makes daily/weekly or whatever.

Remember the advice that progress is progress, no matter how big it is. As long as you're making a little progress daily, you're doing a great job.
Some people are in more advantageous positions, are talented learners, maybe got a bit lucky and you see them make really fast progress.
Other people are going very slow at the start and then suddenly make a massive click one day.

Not everyone develops in the same way. Enjoy your own unique ride and make it worth it

You’re right, I’ll post as much as I need to. Thank you for the reassurance.

 

[Crimson]

Crimson,

Have you found a therapist to speak to?

You will need to find psychological support.

There are also other powerful ways to heal the body and mind dude.

Earthing.
Sunrise.
Cold Theremogenesis.
Sleep.

MAC

I just got off a call with a therapist I spoke to before. I will have four 100 min. group therapy sessions between beginning of March and end of April, starting next Monday. The sessions will be specifically about depression.

 

[Crimson]

I’m pretty sure a big reason for my mental health issues is the lack of freedom that comes from still living with my parents

another big reason is that there's a thing called MENTAL ILLNESS, those are biological and genetic and has nothing to do with enviromental circumstences, no forum/advice/therapist can restore the brain chemistry on the brain, only meds prescribed by a qualified professional can do it

There are also other powerful ways to heal the body and mind dude.

Earthing.
Sunrise.
Cold Theremogenesis.
Sleep.

he tied a rope around his neck, he has severe mental illness, the things you talk about are great but first he has to take care of his brain chemistry and only a psychiatrist can help him with that, once the meds start working earthing sunrise sleep hygine are great, but you can't cure severe mental illness with those things

I understand. Do I just make an appointment with any psychiatrist and tell them how I’m feeling? Then they evaluate me and see wether I need medication or not, or how does this process work?

 

[Crimson]

I feel guilty because I’ve already gotten so much advice from everyone and I’m still in this position. I stopped opening up and posting less because I didn’t want to be a burden. Feels like I’m not putting any advice into practice.

This is kind of complex cause you have to balance this being a safe space with also giving tough love and encouraging / pushing people to change and not rewarding them for fucking up.

From personal experience though, I strongly encourage you to be careful about not opening up and running away and continuing whatever behavior it is that you are ashamed of in private.

This is my tendency as well and everytime i do it, i get even much worse. It's good to bring the issue to light and be forced to be uncomfortable about it.

As to what exactly you should do about this, i'm not sure. But like i said and also speaking as someone that spent around a decade of adult life in my own severe mental illness, don't hide it and run away. Wheter here or from a professional. It will only perpetuate it.

I hear you completely. Especially the balance between safe space and tough love.


— - - - - - - - -

On the note of not keeping stuff hidden, I did tie a rope around my neck again and squeezed. I still didn’t actually try to kill myself, I just like the feeling of having that option and exploring it.

 

[Thrice]

Do I just make an appointment with any psychiatrist

why waste money on any psychiatrist? you have to find a very very good one so you get the right diagnosis, if indeed, you have a mental illness, a good psychiatrist is necessary also to find out if you really have none, you don't want mistakes here, you want to know what you have/don't have with no margin of error, it's your life, your future depends on this

there's people that believed for years that they have borderline disorder and years later found out that in reality they have bipolar, so invest in the best psychiatrist, even let's say you don't have a biological mood disorder, you still need the best psychiatrist in your area to tell you that so you have no doubts

by the way you also said that you did cut yourself, self harm is always borderline disorder i think, humans with no mood disorders don't cut themselves, we live in a society were most people think that mood disorders don't exist and that meds are pushed by big pharma and depression mood disorder bipolar schizophrenia are just conspiracy

the brain gets ill just like any organ and they this 2000/3000 years ago, if the brain doesen't produce enough serotonin for example you will never fix that that with natural remedies

 

[Crimson]

Do I just make an appointment with any psychiatrist

why waste money on any psychiatrist? you have to find a very very good one so you get the right diagnosis, if indeed, you have a mental illness, a good psychiatrist is necessary also to find out if you really have none, you don't want mistakes here, you want to know what you have/don't have with no margin of error, it's your life, your future depends on this

there's people that believed for years that they have borderline disorder and years later found out that in reality they have bipolar, so invest in the best psychiatrist, even let's say you don't have a biological mood disorder, you still need the best psychiatrist in your area to tell you that so you have no doubts

by the way you also said that you did cut yourself, self harm is always borderline disorder i think, humans with no mood disorders don't cut themselves, we live in a society were most people think that mood disorders don't exist and that meds are pushed by big pharma and depression mood disorder bipolar schizophrenia are just conspiracy

the brain gets ill just like any organ and they this 2000/3000 years ago, if the brain doesen't produce enough serotonin for example you will never fix that that with natural remedies

Right. I’ll see if I can make a change without medication first and use them as a last resort if necessary.

 

[Crimson]

Watched a video on suicide yesterday.


„I can always commit suicide tomorrow, so what can I do with today?“

Was one of the main lessons in the video. Tell yourself that you can always do it tomorrow and do whatever you can to make yourself feel better now.

So I put on a animal baby video and watched that. Felt good.





Told my parents that I want to quit my work placement at kindergarten. Weren’t thrilled told me I have to continue. I have a work placement at a kindergarten for 4 weeks but I stopped going after the first day. My parents don’t know that, they think I’m still going.

My mom said „Continue it for me“, lol.

I can see myself quitting school, taking whatever job I can get, work full-time and start saving to move out.

Or taking a leave of absence from school to focus on mental health. Reached out to my school counselor to see if that’s possible.





Got my therapy session tomorrow.


TAKE ACTION

Crimson

 

[Crimson]

Focused on moving out and school for now, changed log name accordingly. Also getting closer to driving exams.

Searched and found my old resumee that I can use to apply for some jobs. Enough action for the day regarding that (lol). The truth is I’m very scared to move out. How am I going to pay the bills? Will I end up homeless bla bla.

I want to save up like 5000€ before I move out. There might be some money left after the driving lesson bills are paid, which I can use as well.

Moving date set to 1. September. Not sure if 5k is enough or not, still have to make a budget.

Just a rough plan.

 

[Crimson]

Still going to the gym regularly and bulking, I can see the progress and muscle gains. If I keep it up, I could have some decent before-after pics to show by June.

Also just ran into Basketball Girl at a traffic stop (once again the same traffic stop I first approached her at, go figure lol). Don’t know for sure if she saw me or not, I acted like I was on a phone call. Kinda hurt to see her again, but at this point I’m pretty confident that I can get girls if I just try, so I reminded myself of that (since I literally have evidence, it worked pretty well).

Plus, I’m going to date a lot of girls in the future that are better than her, though I don’t believe that yet.

So yeah, onwards.

 

[Crimson]

Alright, sent out one job application.

First step is obviously to get a job so I can start earning and saving money.

 

[Crimson]

Sent out another one, let’s go.

 

[Crimson]

Just sent out another application. One job already got back to me, but it’s in another city near me, so I’ll see if I can get a job that’s closer first.

 

[komeback_kile]

Just sent out another application. One job already got back to me, but it’s in another city near me, so I’ll see if I can get a job that’s closer first.

Good work man. Jobs and women are both numbers games sometimes (especially when you first start out). I think many of us have had the hopelessness of applying to many jobs, and many of those jobs ignoring us or wasting our time. Last summer, I had to apply to 8 jobs before I got the 8th.

Keep working on it. Don't give up. Action is masculine. We're here for you.

 

[Crimson]

Just sent out another application. One job already got back to me, but it’s in another city near me, so I’ll see if I can get a job that’s closer first.

Good work man. Jobs and women are both numbers games sometimes (especially when you first start out). I think many of us have had the hopelessness of applying to many jobs, and many of those jobs ignoring us or wasting our time. Last summer, I had to apply to 8 jobs before I got the 8th.

Keep working on it. Don't give up. Action is masculine. We're here for you.

Yeah man, you got it. It’s definitely a numbers game with jobs, just gotta keep applying. Thanks

 

[MakingAComeback]

Great period in your life G

Get a job. Save 5k.

Move out.

This whole time, just keep working on sleep. Getting to bed a 10pm is how you can heal your mental health.

The body has natural mechanisms to heal dude. Seriously. At 20, they're functioning optimally.

That matters above all else right now.

If there was anything else, Id tell you - I have over a decade of life exp. than you, 12 years self improvement, and importantly, have been achieving my goals for years now.

Therapy is good.

But your basic biological wellness is the foundation.

Your goas may be as follows:

(1) MONEY

(2) WELLNESS


Fuck all else.

No one shirks the work. I have a lot of work to do on my own mind, my own vibe, which I have a plan for and I think I will crush this

Ravi

 

[Crimson]

Great period in your life G

Get a job. Save 5k.

Move out.

This whole time, just keep working on sleep. Getting to bed a 10pm is how you can heal your mental health.

The body has natural mechanisms to heal dude. Seriously. At 20, they're functioning optimally.

That matters above all else right now.

If there was anything else, Id tell you - I have over a decade of life exp. than you, 12 years self improvement, and importantly, have been achieving my goals for years now.

Therapy is good.

But your basic biological wellness is the foundation.

Your goas may be as follows:

(1) MONEY

(2) WELLNESS


Fuck all else.

No one shirks the work. I have a lot of work to do on my own mind, my own vibe, which I have a plan for and I think I will crush this

Ravi

Understood, I’ll do my best.


— — — — — — — —


Sent out two more job applications just now, let’s go. Also got a basketball game today, last game of the season. We won the league very dominantly, so we’ll be champions which is pretty cool.

 

[Crimson]

Didn’t have internet for a day, it’s fixed now. I looked in the mirror and asked myself what I want today, what came up was „I want to fuck 100 girls“. This is also what I wrote as the first post in this log, but it feels like I’m switching goals every other week.

When I think about fucking 100 girls I get pretty excited. I don’t even care about having my own apartment per se, it just so happens to be the case that having my own apartment will make getting laid a whole lot easier (Granted I do also want to get away from my parents). I guess I’m just ashamed to admit that that’s what I really want.

 

[Crimson]

Jokes (9X)= 380 kp

Gym (8x)= 160 kp

Played Basketball (2X)= 100 kp

Home Workout (3X)= 60 kp

Teaching myself CBT= 200 kp

Went to therapy= 20 kp

Calendar= 50 kp

Made a drawing= 20 kp

Storywriting= 20 kp

Went to Dr= 20 kp

Went to the park= 100 kp

Forum contributions (15X)= 300 kp

Conversation with teammate= 40 kp

Songwriting= 70 kp

Focusing on the positive (4X)= 40 kp

Smiled at stranger (3X)= 80 kp

Appreciated birds passing by= 20 kp

Nofap for 1 day= 20 kp

Conversation with old classmate= 40 kp

Looking for a job= 80 kp

Listened to beautiful song= 20 kp

Made myself full breakfast= 20 kp

Opening up to my teachers= 100 kp

Showing up to the driving lessons= 40 kp

(All of that added up is 2.000 kp)



39.000 kp - 2.000 kp= 37.000 kp

New total karmic debt: 37.000 kp

(Lol, I swear I’m not purposely trying to keep the score even like that)

 

[Crimson]

Sent out 5 applications. Wanted to send out 20 but I’m tired. One job answered but it’s Night Shift so that doesn’t work. Either way, good work by me.

 

[Crimson]

Sent out 5 more.