Crimson’s Progress Log

bonzo34 said:
Yeah keep going!
I can post an audio Radical had about getting a job. I don't know nothing about roommates haha
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Yeah sure I’d appreciate that
 
Crimson said:
I also took 5mg of Tadalafil (quarter of a pill) before we met and had quite a mean headache the day after. I guess my tolerance is not that high?
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Hey mate, have you had any experiences with Tadalafil/Cialis since?

I'd recommend reducing your dose even further if possible. Personally I'm on 2.5mg which still works great. I'm still getting minor headaches so I'm thinking of reducing my dose even further. Or switching to Viagra/Levitra, which only lasts for ~6 hours.

I saw you originally got prescribed 20mg - that is WAY overkill. That's probably enough for an elephant lmao.
 
Sparkles said:
Crimson said:
I also took 5mg of Tadalafil (quarter of a pill) before we met and had quite a mean headache the day after. I guess my tolerance is not that high?
Click to expand...

Hey mate, have you had any experiences with Tadalafil/Cialis since?

I'd recommend reducing your dose even further if possible. Personally I'm on 2.5mg which still works great. I'm still getting minor headaches so I'm thinking of reducing my dose even further. Or switching to Viagra/Levitra, which only lasts for ~6 hours.

I saw you originally got prescribed 20mg - that is WAY overkill. That's probably enough for an elephant lmao.
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Lol, thanks for the insight I’ll try less in the future
 
Just wanted to update and say that I’m most likely going into inpatient care for my mental health today. If I’m accepted I’m probably going to be there for like 4-6 weeks. My mental health has been pretty bad, so it’s important that I take this step. See you in a couple weeks
 
Crimson said:
Just wanted to update and say that I’m most likely going into inpatient care for my mental health today. If I’m accepted I’m probably going to be there for like 4-6 weeks. My mental health has been pretty bad, so it’s important that I take this step. See you in a couple weeks
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Good.

All will be well bro.

Heal.

And everything else will follow.

Just heal.

Ravi
 
MakingAComeback said:
Crimson said:
Just wanted to update and say that I’m most likely going into inpatient care for my mental health today. If I’m accepted I’m probably going to be there for like 4-6 weeks. My mental health has been pretty bad, so it’s important that I take this step. See you in a couple weeks
Click to expand...

Good.

All will be well bro.

Heal.

And everything else will follow.

Just heal.

Ravi
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For sure man
 
Got accepted into the inpatient care. It’s pretty chill here and the staff and patients seem nice. There’s actually wifi, so I might post if I have something to say
 
Hey, got released from the psychiatry today. Feeling relatively stable, doing the best I can giving the circumstances. I’m now also on antidepressants, they help me sleep and I’m pretty sure they also boost serotonin levels (boosting overall mood).

For some reason I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude today. I think it coming to terms with the fact that I’m way stronger than I think I am.

All of the mental health problems I had/have, the self-harm, the depression, suicidal thoughts, problems with my parents ect. - but I’m still here. I didn’t kill myself. I’m glad I didn’t.

Truthfully I felt quite suicidal just a couple of days ago, because I got the news that I wasn’t going to be able to get my A-Levels because of my grades.

I was truly convinced that there was no hope. But then I went to sleep and I was surprised by how much better I felt when I woke up. I guess I was able to put it into perspective more and it didn’t seem like that big of a deal any longer, as much of a bummer as it might be.






Anyways, I got a meeting with my teachers on Monday to plan for my future. They have been amazing during this tough time I’ve been in. I’m so grateful for them, they truly care about me.

I’m going to stay on antidepressants for now and start striving for some sort of stability in my life (start working? Continue educational path? ect.). I’m not as deep in the world of chaos as I was before but I still don’t know what I want to do or where I am ect.

Won’t really know how that will go until I’ve had that discussion with my teachers. Also bought Jordan Petersons self authoring program to help me with that. Currently doing the past authoring.

I think I’m also grieving in some way. Grieving everything bad that’s happened to me. It feels as if a little baby is crying inside of me, because their needs haven’t been met. Perhaps that’s my inner child that’s been feeling hurt for so long. It makes me quite emotional. It’s probably a good thing that this is happening, letting go of some of that pain.

All praise to the most high.
 
Another thing, I was in the psychiatry for 15 days. 15 days where I was distanced from my parents. I think that distance was beneficial, because I could reflect on my relationship with them.

It just came to me that I might not be as dependent on them as I think. Obviously I’m financially dependent on them and all that, but I’m talking more in a “spiritual” sense perhaps. As in I can live without them and not die. Because I just spent two weeks without them and didn’t die.

It’s just something I’ve been thinking about. What kind of person am I exactly if I could live in a world where my parents don’t exist?
 
Quite a good day today. Pretty solid mix of leisure and productive time.

Cleaned my room, went on a walk around the block and went to the gym.
 
Played basketball on Sunday, otherwise just chilled and played PlayStation

Had basketball practice yesterday. Also had conversation about my future with my teachers. Gonna have another conversation soon, with a teacher who can give me career advice. I’m most likely going to start an apprenticeship.

Going to my doctor today to get my antidepressants subscription and I’m gonna hit the gym. I’ve been getting back into it slowly and with humility, just using the bar and working out for 15 min and then leaving. Doesn’t matter as long as I’m going to the gym.
 
Went to the gym and wrote two sentences in Jordan petersons past authoring program
 
Cleaned my room up half way today. Didn’t really do anything else productive tho, just played PlayStation the whole day.

And I skipped going to the gym and didn’t take care of my tasks
 
Yesterday was a bit better. Cleaned my room. Contacted career advisor. And I finally got my antidepressants today. Ran out and didn’t take any for 4-5 days, I’ve kinda been feeling dreamy since I stopped taking them, like I’m floating or something. Slightly uncomfortable, but nothing crazy.

Skipped the gym again tho and didn’t hit up companies for work experiences. Family is in Kenya for almost 3 weeks, while I’m alone at home. Downloaded all the dating apps, I’m going to start taking baby steps towards dating again.

Regarding moving out: I’m gonna do some work experiences in my city and see what jobs I like (I already wrote down some numbers of companies). Once I found a field I can imagine myself working in long-term, I’m gonna start working full-time in that field, while still living at home.

So, I’m gonna save some money for a couple of months and then move out. I was planning on just moving out with the money I have, but this left me worrying about wether I’ll be able to pay the bills. Don’t wanna stress myself more with my recent mental health.

Gonna formulate the goals later
 
I will start with some small achievable goals. Btw, being home alone feels amazing.


My goals:

* I will start a work experience by Jul 24

* I will go on one date by Jul 24
 
Wrote some carpentry companies phone numbers down. Gonna call some tomorrow and see if I can get a two week work experience.

Also put up all the pictures on my dating profile. Gonna do the bio ect tomorrow and then I’ll start swiping and stuff.

Good effort, that’s all for today
 
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