Crimson’s Progress Log

kratjeuh said:
Crimson said:
Date update:


Basketball Girl:
I already had Baksteball Girl naked in my bed but couldn't get that lay #1 because of ED.

I have to drill in to my head how important it is to get laid with her tomorrow. My parents will probably be there, but we'll have the upper apartment to ourselves.


Crimson
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You shouldn’t drill how important this lay is. She was into you so that’s proof you can get her. No need to be outcome dependent
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Yeah, you’re right she’s already into me.

I do need to let go of the outcome, I’m putting to much pressure on myself and therefore making the process unenjoyable. This is supposed to be fun. Thanks for your comment.
 
Manly Cockfellow said:
Crimson said:
Basketball Girl:
I already had Baksteball Girl naked in my bed but couldn't get that lay #1 because of ED.
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kratjeuh said:
Lovoo Girl:
She might flake, but she seemed into me. If she doesn't, same thing with her, I NEED that lay (ethically).
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I'm worried you're focusing way too much on the negatives (didn't get the lay) and not enough on the positives: you had an attractive young woman naked in your bed who you did tons of fun sexual stuff with!

Give yourself some credit man!

Even non-penatrative sex is a beautiful, beautiful thing and with the right perspective it should be a cherished memory (especially if it was your first organic sexual experience like I believe it was) instead of some failure that you're beating yourself up about.

Do you see what I'm saying?


Also, quit treating your dick like a voluntary muscle that you should be able to control. It's way more like your heart, and if you ever heard someone complain about how they couldn't get their heart to beat faster or slower you'd probably think they were a little nuts.

Just set yourself up for success by laying off the porn, doing some LISS cardio every other day (google it), doing PE or whatever else works for you instead of masturbating yourself to numbness, and try to enjoy your partner's body and beauty and pleasure more than you worry about whether your damn dick is working.

Because I guarantee however nervous you are about performing, she's gonna be ten times more nervous, and worried about whether she looks fat and whether what she's doing is sexy and making you feel good and turning you on, so try to have fun and don't be afraid to show your enjoyment and tell her how hot she is and how good what she's doing feels, because she'll have a way better time if you do!


Last thing is stop focusing so much on your number of lays!

I know number one is a big deal for everyone, but if you can I really hope you'll just focus on having as many beautiful, mutually awesome sexual experiences as you can with women who are excited to sleep with you, and not on some completely arbitrary number

(I know some guys list number of lays as a way of quickly establishing credibility or quickly saying where they are in terms of experience, and fair enough, but it's far better to aim for quality sex, because once you get to the point where you have great sex almost every time you'll honestly be getting more sex than you can handle, because women will be almost desperate to sleep with you!).
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Thank you for your detailed feedback. Man, you’re right. I do focus on the negative too much. I should be grateful that I get too experience this, even if it’s not full-on sex. Gotta start treating my dick like we’re on the same team too.

I’m not really coming from a place of love when it comes to this getting laid stuff, more so from a place of desperation and bitterness. I gotta work on that.
 
Adam said:
100% to Manly's comment. Next time you're with this girl, focus on having fun with her doing everything but sex. Yes actual sex is great but foreplay is also a ton of fun. You get to kiss her and play with her tits and make her feel good and get her all wound up and wanting you. Andy has helped other guys who had ED by getting them to focus on just being great at foreplay and he told them to plan NOT to have sex. And eventually that helped them get out of their own heads and get hard.

Also, Andy just put out a video on fixing ED which is perfect timing for you. youtube.com/watch?v=V07pjSPwKzY
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Thanks, I literally just got done watching that video, it resonated so much.

Alright, tomorrow I won’t use my dick at all. I really wasn’t that present during my first time with her, I’ll actually focus on her tomorrow.
 
Fool Around with Basketball Girl #2

Fooled around with Basketball Girl again. Felt pretty weird today.

Like I planned, I didn’t use my dick at all. Did the usual, licked her pussy for ages (she went crazy), blindfold etc., than I told her that she won’t get my dick today. She asks why, I tell her she has to earn it. She asks how, I tell her she has to say: “Please play with my nipples”, (she refused to do this last time while grinning/being a brat).

She refuses and (most likely jokingly) says: ”If not today, than never” and doesn’t let me touch her. So we have a little power-play for 15 min. to see who would touch the other first. I end up losing, lol.

She than starts saying something about her meeting my parents so soon. I take this as a hint that she wants to know my intentions. I tell her I’m not looking for anything serious, she says she doesn’t as well. Cool.

I start touching her body again, but she says she doesn’t want to continue because it’s cold. We get dressed, talk a little, I walk her home. On the walk I tell her: “Just like today, if there’s something on your mind, you can always tell me.”, she says “Yeah, for sure.”

She than proceeds to explain that she thought I wanted something serious because last time, I kissed her on the cheek after fooling around and kissed her goodbye when we parted ways (???). Maybe she has intimacy issues? (She mentioned something about trauma regarding a previous relationship, I guess I understand not wanting to kiss in public, though)

So today I just hugged her goodbye, lol.


Note: I spotted self-harm scars on her forearm today, they look old, but she definitely used to cut herself. I didn’t tell her I saw them.

2nd note: Our conversations together feel “off”. It feels like we’re not on the same page somehow. It feels very “You vs. Me”, not “You and Me”.

Crimson
 
Date update:

•Lovoo Girl just texted me and said she still wants to meet up today but she wants me to come to her city instead because she has to work.

I politely declined.
 
Adam said:
Hey man, glad you got to fool around with Basketball girl again and didn't worry about your performance anxiety. One small bit of criticism:

Crimson said:
I told her that she won’t get my dick today. She asks why, I tell her she has to earn it.
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You didn't do anything wrong here, but you are allowed to tell her that you sometimes have trouble getting hard because you put a lot of pressure on yourself and get in your own head. You don't have to pretend it's about making her earn it. If you do tell her, just let her know it has nothing to do with her.
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Thanks, I did feel like I should have just told her. She kept asking me “Is there something you want to tell me?”, I guess she could feel that I was hiding something.

That’s why it felt kinda “You vs. Me” yesterday, I didn’t keep it real.
 
Sounds like you were both holding back (which is really, really common when it comes to sex):
you didn't tell her about being worried about ED and performing well; she didn't tell you she was looking for something more serious.

Don't beat yourself up about it though. This is exactly the type of experience that you can learn from and use to mold yourself into a better man and lover.


One takeaway, and probably one of the more counterintuitive things I've learned, is that it is a very, very confident thing to admit your mistakes and flaws (in the same way that it is very, very confident to tell people what you want).

Very few people do this, mainly because they are afraid of being rejected. But rejection isn't dangerous, it's desirable, because it as a sign you are on the path to making a genuine connection, to finding someone who wants what you are truly offering, and to both of you getting what you want.
 
Manly Cockfellow said:
Sounds like you were both holding back (which is really, really common when it comes to sex):
you didn't tell her about being worried about ED and performing well; she didn't tell you she was looking for something more serious.

Don't beat yourself up about it though. This is exactly the type of experience that you can learn from and use to mold yourself into a better man and lover.


One takeaway, and probably one of the more counterintuitive things I've learned, is that it is a very, very confident thing to admit your mistakes and flaws (in the same way that it is very, very confident to tell people what you want).

Very few people do this, mainly because they are afraid of being rejected. But rejection isn't dangerous, it's desirable, because it as a sign you are on the path to making a genuine connection, to finding someone who wants what you are truly offering, and to both of you getting what you want.
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You always frame things so positively, thanks! I’ll tell her about it if we see each other again.
 
Drivers License exam coming up + Parents out of country

Drivers license exam is coming up in two weeks (October 10), so I will need to go all-in with that. I watched Radicals video: “One Goal At A Time If You Are New” and it’s super-relatable.

I’ve been overwhelming myself. Anyways, for the next two weeks I’m gonna ultra-focus on the exams.

My parents will be out of the country for a week during autumn break though (which start in a week), so I will definitely have to take advantage of that in terms of sex/dating (My parents not being there means the upper apartment will be FREE😈).

Crimson
 
What I will do today:

-Answer 40 questions correctly (drivers license app)

-Do 1 drivers license exam simulation

-Draw rough character design for the main character of my manga

-1 Approach

-Ask my mom to buy the Nikon D7000 for me (I’ll pay her back)
 
What I did today (review):


-Answer 40 questions correctly (drivers license app) ✅

-Do 1 drivers license exam simulation ✅

-Draw rough character design for the main character of my manga ✅

-1 Approach ✅

-Ask my mom to buy the Nikon D7000 for me ✅ (She’s just buying it for me online, it’s my money she’s using)


Reflection on the approach:

I approached her at the train station, it was already dark, not many people around. We made eye contact beforehand so I say fuck it.

I tap her on the shoulder and say the usual: “This is random but thought you were hot”.

She says she doesn’t speak German (what’s up with me approaching chicks that don’t speak German lol?) so I say “you, sexy” while pointing at her.

She’s not receptive at all, but I stay. I ask for her name, she says she doesn’t understand, so I do so in English. She says “no”.

I still stay and ask for her number, lol. She says no again so I leave.

I like that I stayed in there until I asked for her number, even though the situation was uncomfortable.


Crimson
 
Reflection of the day I approached 7 girls in 6 hours:

On that day it took me 6 hours of walking around to approach 7 girls. While it took me a long time, at the end of the day I still approached 7 girls and got 2 numbers.

That was the first time in my life that I truly felt what playing the numbers game was like. And it made me realize the obvious first-hand:

In order to get laid you need to talk to lots of girls.

But I'm not doing that (cold approaching). Out of fear of rejection, what if someone sees me, bla bla.


The things I did on that day that I'm not doing everyday:

-Set myself a goal of how many girls I will appproach (publicly/on the forum for accountability)

-Stayed outside until I approached said number of girls and WASN'T going to go home any earlier

-Why didn't I just go home? Because it was a NESSECITY to approach said number of girls. I couldn't return to the forums without the fucking PAPERWORK that says: CRIMSON DOES WHAT THE FUCK HE SAYS HE'S GONNA DO.

That was the motivation.


Conclusion:

I CAN talk to girls. I just pussy out on lots of them, which is fine. But I know that I'll end up talking to some if I just stay outside.

When I say I can't or that it's "too scary", what I'm really saying is:

"I'm not willing to stay outside for as long as it takes me to approach the amount of girls I said I was going to approach."

So I'm gonna start of small, I'm taking on Andy's 1 approach a day-challenge:

I vow to approach at least one girl a day.


I'll see how that goes and will adjust accordingly.

Crimson
 
Having done it myself, if you think approach anxiety is crippling you at the moment I would at least consider doing the AA program. It has truly been life changing for a lot of folks and I can't recommend it enough. Still, there are other ways to go about it and beat AA but you need to make sure to take daily action and never quit.

You're putting some great work in man. Keep it up
 
AA program: I personally advise against it. Colgate will tell you the same thing.

Crippling AA is faced down head-on.

AA continues to be part of the experience and comes and goes constantly.

It's your decision but AA program was a waste of time for me and helped 0.

MAC
 
There are different ways to tame AA and the AA program helped me a lot personally. However, it is not the only way. But to be honest, I don't know how long into the program you got but if you did until day 46 included I just don't believe you did not benefit from it.
 
Was stuck on day 10 for several weeks, assholes in London simply refused to tell me the time, there was simply no way to continue.

So I just ploughed through and approached. That was the best course of action for me.
 
Thanks for both of your comments, I appreciate it a lot.

I gave it some thought and read through the AA logs of the guys that completed it (Manga, Toast, and you Twonightstander)

While I can approach girls, I can’t do it in the numbers and time that I want to (Took me 1h and 15 min. to approach 2 girls today).

I’ve decided I’m gonna do it.

Crimson
 
Signing up for the AA Program

Day 1: Introduction made here: https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=43&t=49&p=12180#p12180


Day 2:

My goal and only goal for the next X+ months is to beat approach anxiety.

- Because that is my ONLY #1 goal and I care a lot about it- I won't try to balance it with anything other than going to work/school/gym.

- Since I'm not trying to BALANCE it with several other goals, I will have more than enough time to do the drills.

- I agree to FORGET ABOUT GETTING LAID (for now).

- I will DO THE DRILL as it is written and leave.
- I will DO THE DRILL as it is written and leave.
- I will DO THE DRILL as it is written and leave.
- I will DO THE DRILL as it is written and leave.

- I will NOT turn the drill into an 'indirect' approach and get deflated if it doesn't go well.

- I will also start a Tinder, Bumble, Hinge etc. account and use Andy’s Tinder guide because I understand that giving myself some online options will decrease my neediness.

- I will check in on ~daily basis, documenting what day I'm on, what I plan to do and if I did it.

- I understand that doing a Vlog will only help me be more accountable and get better results.

- I will stop ONLY WHEN I have beaten 90-100% of my approach anxiety. (X+ months, @Level 7).

- I will see this through or get professional help for my anxiety and do it again.


Day 3:

Already installed all the apps Andy recommends and created a profile on each one.


Conclusion:

This is the 4th time I’m starting the program. I’ve started it and quit 3 times. I didn’t have the support and accountability that this community gives me back then though.

This program is brutal, I’ve read the Logs of Manga, Toast etc.

The furthest I got to was day 10, I’ll start with day 4 tomorrow and decide if I skip to day 10 immediately, depending on how bad my anxiety is.

Crimson
 
How do I upload vlogs on here, btw?

I would like to keep a vlog during the program.
 
Crimson said:
How do I upload vlogs on here, btw?

I would like to keep a vlog during the program.
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lol i think you asked this same question months ago and i answered it then too

youtube or http://www.streamable.com is good
 
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