Ethan’s Progress Log

Day 14:

Today I trained in the morning and worked in the afternoon. I talked to a lot of people and felt really excited today. Also a girl waved at me in the drive through today.

I like the idea of working a sales job. The risk and the potential to make more money quicker based off of my performance is exciting to me. I will definitely apply for more jobs in sales and I will try to pursue a job in sales.

I am also excited to see the result of the Paul vs Diaz fight. I think Nate Diaz is going to win.

Thank you for reading 👍
 
Day 15:

I trained just a little bit in the morning then I traveled up to Virginia with my mom.

We talked about how my grandma was stuck caring for my grandpa as his health declined. We talked about how the stress of caring for him probably killed her. Now she is dead and my grandpa is even more depressed as my dad described him crying out loud at night.

We also talked about how my mom’s sister constantly complains about how much she has to work and how unappreciated she is.

It is sad how people fall into a cycle of misery as a result of being complacent in their lives and settling for mediocrity. I am not gonna let that happen to me.

Thank you for reading
 
Day 16:

I am making up for missing my log yesterday.

Yesterday I drove to and from New Jersey with my mom to attend my grandma’s funeral. I feel like I connected a lot with my mom and my dad during that time which felt good.

When I sat down in the living room with my grandpa he barely spoke to me. He was obviously extremely depressed and anxious. His last words to me were as follow, “Just hope that your life doesn’t turn out to be like this.” The way he phrased this sentence shows how much he feels like a victim.

Thank you for reading
 
Day 17:

I got up super late today because I was so tired from the drive home last night. I got a bunch of small chores done today and trained a little bit in the evening.

I still feel a lot of anxiety about my life choices. I feel scared that my decision to move out and my goals to pursue combat sports as well as sales. I feel like I have this FOMO that is constantly bringing me anxiety. It is this strange anxiety that I should be doing something else (for example playing a different sport, or pursuing a different skill, or making different friends or enjoy listening to different music.) Its like, I don’t feel like I am particularly doing anything morally wrong but I recognize this pattern where I am questioning my decisions.

When I got done training this evening I walked in to my mom and my sister watching a sex scene from “Friends with Benefits.” For some reason it made me extremely uncomfortable where I decided to eat my dinner outside on the deck instead. It was strange to me that I felt this way because I have watched so much porn. I feel like it is because I feel scared of opening up and experiencing intimacy with women in real life. I have definitely experienced a lot of feelings of inferiority and insecurity in my past.

Thank you for reading 👍
 
Toey_the_Turtle said:
It feels like everything in life that excites me has so much risk and danger.
Click to expand...

Danger is good, seek out smart danger, calculated risks are where it's at. If you fancy it, come down to Peru, I've got a nice setup, send me a message if keen. (Y va a mejorar tu espanol)
 
Day 18:

It was another slow day.

I had an interview with dominos at 10:00. It went well so that will probably be my next job.

I also had an interview with some corporate job but I didn’t really understand it.

Then I took a nap in the middle of the day. Then I went and worked out at night.
 
Day 19:

I got up late today and spent a lot of the early afternoon being lazy.

I went on a walk with my mom and we talked casually. She recommended that I get a life coach. She also suggested that I could enlist in the army. The army doesn’t interest me. I life coach could be helpful.

Later this afternoon I helped my dad bring a new chair in for my grandpa in his senior home. He is extremely depressed and sick. He can barely walk and cried multiple times when I was there. The situation is definitely depressing my dad as well.

I want to make my family feel better.

Thank you for reading 👍
 
Antonio44 said:
Toey_the_Turtle said:
It feels like everything in life that excites me has so much risk and danger.
Click to expand...

Danger is good, seek out smart danger, calculated risks are where it's at. If you fancy it, come down to Peru, I've got a nice setup, send me a message if keen. (Y va a mejorar tu espanol)
Click to expand...

Thank you so much for the offer but I am focused on developing my life where I am right now.
 
Day 20:

Another generally unproductive day but I trained in the evening and spent some more time with my family.

I am also working on accessing and organizing my goals.
 
Day 21:

I had a much more productive day today. I trained muay thai and boxing this morning and I cab feel my skills improving. Then I had lunch with my family. After that I worked. I felt much more confident and relaxed today.

My dad is going to give me information on a warehouse job at his friend’s company.

I have also started writing in a private diary of my emotions so I can process my feelings better and make better decisions.

Thank you for reading 👍
 
Day 22:

I had a slow morning today. I was really lazy and did a lot of overthinking about what I should spend my morning doing that I lost it. I did play Monopoly with my family before going to work today.

My dad talked to me and encouraged me to join the military. When he talked about my cousin experiencing live combat that excited me but the rest seems boring to me. I feel a disconnect between my dad and I where I am not being 100% authentic with him about who I am and how I feel. I feel like he is just trying to support me in the best way he knows how but I’m not very open with him. I feel like I fear him judging me.

Work was normal today. Im gonna text my boss that this us gonna be my last week for sure. I need to keep collecting the cash but so many of the people there bother me. I continued practicing my social skills, striking up conversation with most of the customers.

I saw a lot of hot girls today but I felt too nervous to say anything. Just looking at or talking to hot girls makes me feel super excited and I can’t prevent myself for smiling for minutes. I feel like upgrading my social media would make me feel more confident. I feel like I should take some pictures of myself kickboxing. Even if they are low quality, they are better than all of the pictures I have of me from high school which no longer represent me.

Also, one of my friends from work didn’t show up today because he tried to kill himself with pills. I remember just last week he was humiliating himself on his instagram because girl was mad at him for whatever reason. I could feel myself get mad on the inside when my boss mocked him for trying to kill himself because she doesn’t think that young people have any real problems. I’ve definitely felt suicidal in the past but I’ve never tried to kill myself.

Thank you for reading 💛
 
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Toey_the_Turtle said:
I saw a lot of hot girls today but I felt too nervous to say anything. Just looking at or talking to hot girls makes me feel super excited and I can’t prevent myself for smiling for minutes. I feel like upgrading my social media would make me feel more confident. I feel like I should take some pictures of myself kickboxing. Even if they are low quality, they are better than all of the pictures I have of me from high school which no longer represent me.
Click to expand...

I totally understand how you feel about being nervous around attractive women. Have you checked out Andy's Approach Anxiety Log? I'm quite scared to approach women and I have been going out and doing some approaches (platonic only) and am desensitizing myself to the idea of cold approach. I just can't do it, YET, Get this stuff handled in your life, having balls is one of the most important traits to have in life. Don't be like me, whose still struggling with this when I'm about to turn 28. I'm still grateful knowing that I can still work on this stuff since most people aren't in self improvement, but get this handled, conquer your approach anxiety Ethan.

[/quote]
Toey_the_Turtle said:
Also, one of my friends from work didn’t show up today because he tried to kill himself with pills. I remember just last week he was humiliating himself on his instagram because girl was mad at him for whatever reason. I could feel myself get mad on the inside when my boss mocked him for trying to kill himself because she doesn’t think that young people have any real problems. I’ve definitely felt suicidal in the past but I’ve never tried to kill myself.
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Sorry to hear about your friend, and your boss is an ass for mocking him. You have great intentions, about wanting to stick up for your friends. Remember, you, I and others who are getting into the self improvement stuff and in this case, social skills, really need to become more assertive and have balls so that we can go for what we want, and prevent bad shit from happening. I'm not talking about being a super hero like we're Superman, but even I talked about this, I was giving a homeless guy CPR who turned out to be OD'ing on Fentanyl. I immediately started giving chest compressions when someone (and I saw their face turn purplish) said they were unconscious. This was my first 3 days of starting to approach women (platonically only). Imagine how much more good, and more peaceful I, and yourself can live if we can conquer our AA (Approach Anxiety).
 
Yeah the whole ”young people don’t have real issues” is very relatable, heartbreaks truly are painful. Glad your friend’s alive

Checked your log before and you’re doing well ! Keep it up
 
Thanks for the support Hydro. Approaching girls is difficult no matter what but definitely feel like I will be more confident when I make more progress towards my goals so I’ll feel like I have more to show for myself. And definitely don’t feel discouraged about being older. We all have our regrets about what we should have done different in the past but I just try my best to not spend time or energy on anything that isn’t improving my life.
 
Trèfle said:
Yeah the whole ”young people don’t have real issues” is very relatable, heartbreaks truly are painful. Glad your friend’s alive

Checked your log before and you’re doing well ! Keep it up
Click to expand...

Thank you for the support!
 
Day 23:

I clocked in 6 1/2 hours at McDonald’s and worked out for 3 1/2 hours at the gym. I did really well in sparring today during boxing class. I barely got touched today against guys that I have sparred against in the past. Whenever I succeed like that it just makes me want to go harder.

My dad told me tonight that he would like to talk to me about finding a job. I was dismissive of his attempts to talk to me. I can tell that he is worried about me and wants to support me but doesn’t know how.

I think the reason I am insecure about really loving Juice Wrld is because he is slightly “alternative/emo.” Its honestly silly that this is something that I am concerned about because he still a pretty mainstream artist and I also listen to a lot of mainstream pop/hip-hop music. I think that it would be better to embrace than side of myself rather than suppress it.

When I think about my ideal life I think about just getting to do a bunch of cool shit all the time like fighting, traveling, singing, dancing, partying and having sex. If I got a normal corporate job it would just be to fund a more exciting lifestyle, not for love of the corporate job. I just have no idea how I would express that to my dad without him judging me.

I think that becoming a boxing/muay thai coach could be a good path to developing a better source of income because I would be doing something that I enjoy. I spend so much time practicing the sports I could develop the knowledge to be a beginner coach relatively soon.

Thank you for reading 💛
 
Day 24:

I clocked in 6 hours at McDonalds and trained muay thai for 3 hours.

I had a tense moment with my dad when he wanted to help me look for jobs but I told him that I don’t want to. At first he was offended but he didn’t seem to be upset at all soon after.

Thank you for reading 💛
 
Day 25:

I got to work 45 minutes late because I woke up late and I procrastinated getting out of bed.

I spent about an hour considering whether I should get Andy’s 12-week coaching program. I know that I can make progress by myself but I don’t know if the $10,000 would be a good investment to accelerate my progress.

I would also have to open up to my parents that I am invested in this kind of self-improvement rather than the traditional route of just going to college or joining the military. I believe that they would be especially off-put by subjects of sex and BDSM on his channel.

Thank you for reading 💛

———————————
Today’s Stats:
• No Porn: ✅ (6)
• No Masturbation: ❌ (0)
• No Orgasm: ✅ (1)
• Income: $66
• Training: 2 hours
• Sleep: 9 1/2 hours
• Girls Flirted With: 0

My Goals:
• No PMO
• Improve My Sleep (11:00pm - 8:00am)
• Increase My Intimacy with Friends, Family, and Strangers
• Improve My Social Media
• Love Myself More
• Compete in Combat Sports
• Move in with Ricardo
 
Toey_the_Turtle said:
I would also have to open up to my parents that I am invested in this kind of self-improvement rather than the traditional route of just going to college or joining the military. I believe that they would be especially off-put by subjects of sex and BDSM on his channel.
Click to expand...

No one's parents are going to support this, no one. It's best to stop looking for approval altogether, but its required you stop looking for approval from people who can't give it, because they can't and are incapable of understanding.

Self-improvement and going to college, military, or the trades are not in any kind of conflict. Don't make either/or decisions out of things that are not in conflict, that's laziness, not commitment. I'd recommend looking at some youtube videos on the trades, getting a high paying blue collar job you can continually improve in will do a lot for your self improvement and is pretty easy to do concurrently with your other goals.

There's multiple separate skillsets and qualities you need to build as a man. There's nothing gained by not working on them concurrently. Two of them - fitness and your career are best started early because they're both things you need to do your entire life, and they both require a long investment before significant returns. Pursue your dreams, but don't use that as an excuse to do less, use it as a powerful reason to do more.
 
Day 26:

—————————
Today’s Stats:
• No Porn: ✅ (7)
• No Masturbation: ✅ (1)
• No Orgasm: ✅ (2)
• Income: $0
• Training: 2 1/2 hours
• Sleep: 12:30am - 11:30am (11 hours)
• Girls Flirted With: 0

My Goals:
• No PMO
• Improve My Sleep (11:00pm - 8:00am)
• Increase My Intimacy with Friends, Family, and Strangers
• Improve My Social Media
• Be More Authentic
• Compete in Combat Sports
• Move in with Ricardo
 
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