GN's Progress Log - Self-Love Arc: A bit better this week + Physique Update

[G.N]

Here’s a variation (works best of they send you a pic).

I validate her outfit and tell her to wear it on our date. It suits my personality more than straight up telling her what to wear but it comes down to the same thing

Sounds a slight more congruent with my profile, once I update the fashion and facial expressions I can probably do it the way ppl here do it.

You got any other tips for dates so I don't come off as too much of a friend? Like what are you supposed to do when you greet her?

 

[Foducossy]

Ok, I also tried that thing I have seen a few people do where they try to get her to wear a nice dress. I said something about how I hope she wears this floral dress in her profile. She responded saying "why should i? I need an incentive ofc". Did not expect that, didn't know how to respond to that so I said something like "because I want you to feel cute". Dunno if i fucked up there. She hasn't hit me back yet, but she did say her schedule was quite busy today.

Don’t do this. Not at your level.

I got burned once by this and frankly think the risk reward ratio is poor.

It’s also more of a dom/sub thing. You just want to get your dick wet. Don’t make your life more difficult by throwing away matches like this.

 

[Foducossy]

Sounds a slight more congruent with my profile, once I update the fashion and facial expressions I can probably do it the way ppl here do it.

Why do you want to do this? No. Stop.

You are trying to get laid. Your pictures are weak. Don’t try any dom shit cos it’s not gonna work right now.

 

[Foducossy]

I mainly take advice from here anyways, the girls I just figure are a nice second opinion. PWF suggested this.

For now skip the girls. I have asked girls and the advice is conflicting. There is only one girl I trust to pick my pictures and that’s my FWB. She is incredibly attuned to her emotions and expresses them freely. She can tell me how subtle variations in facial expressions on FaceApp make her feel.

When you ask girls you will get a rational response. That doesn’t work. They need ti be in the right frame of mind to assess emotionally. My FWB just happens to be good at this. Most girls aren’t, including other girls I’ve slept with.

 

[G.N]

I mainly take advice from here anyways, the girls I just figure are a nice second opinion. PWF suggested this.

For now skip the girls. I have asked girls and the advice is conflicting. There is only one girl I trust to pick my pictures and that’s my FWB. She is incredibly attuned to her emotions and expresses them freely. She can tell me how subtle variations in facial expressions on FaceApp make her feel.

When you ask girls you will get a rational response. That doesn’t work. They need ti be in the right frame of mind to assess emotionally. My FWB just happens to be good at this. Most girls aren’t, including other girls I’ve slept with.

I haven't asked any recently because I really don't see the point at the moment. They can't help with any of the bigger flaws, which you guys can. They can maybe help with minor ones at best.

 

[G.N]

I asked my brother for fashion advice since he has a really good sense of style but man he gave me some not so good advice. He suggested going for a more "cozy" aesthetic and thought a leather jacket would just look tacky on me. He showed me some pictures and honestly I could not take the guys seriously at all. Cozy aesthetic is not masculine. A masculine aesthetic does not have to be uncomfortable either. In my case my clothing has to fit well otherwise I look like a fatass. If I took his advice I would look fat. Hell I stopped wearing hoodies because they gave the illusion of more chub than I actually had. Loose clothing only looks good if you have a small frame. I do not, my frame is larger. My brother can only pull it off because he has a small frame and he is very lean.


foducossy42 what do you think of this jacket, I have my eye on these ones: https://www.zara.com/us/en/faux-leather-jacket-p03427320.html?v1=272448370

https://www.asos.com/us/asos-design/asos-design-faux-leather-biker-jacket-in-black/prd/204404790#colourWayId-204404800

https://www.asos.com/us/jack-jones/jack-jones-essentials-faux-leather-racer-jacket-in-black/prd/203568550#colourWayId-203568592

 

[Foducossy]

I asked my brother for fashion advice since he has a really good sense of style but man he gave me some not so good advice. He suggested going for a more "cozy" aesthetic and thought a leather jacket would just look tacky on me. He showed me some pictures and honestly I could not take the guys seriously at all. Cozy aesthetic is not masculine. A masculine aesthetic does not have to be uncomfortable either. In my case my clothing has to fit well otherwise I look like a fatass. If I took his advice I would look fat. Hell I stopped wearing hoodies because they gave the illusion of more chub than I actually had. Loose clothing only looks good if you have a small frame. I do not, my frame is larger. My brother can only pull it off because he has a small frame and he is very lean.


@foducossy42 what do you think of this jacket, I have my eye on these ones: https://www.zara.com/us/en/faux-leather-jacket-p03427320.html?v1=272448370

https://www.asos.com/us/asos-design/asos-design-faux-leather-biker-jacket-in-black/prd/204404790#colourWayId-204404800

https://www.asos.com/us/jack-jones/jack-jones-essentials-faux-leather-racer-jacket-in-black/prd/203568550#colourWayId-203568592

Probably the Zara one it’s the closest to what I have

Radical will know better

 

[G.N]

I asked my brother for fashion advice since he has a really good sense of style but man he gave me some not so good advice. He suggested going for a more "cozy" aesthetic and thought a leather jacket would just look tacky on me. He showed me some pictures and honestly I could not take the guys seriously at all. Cozy aesthetic is not masculine. A masculine aesthetic does not have to be uncomfortable either. In my case my clothing has to fit well otherwise I look like a fatass. If I took his advice I would look fat. Hell I stopped wearing hoodies because they gave the illusion of more chub than I actually had. Loose clothing only looks good if you have a small frame. I do not, my frame is larger. My brother can only pull it off because he has a small frame and he is very lean.


@foducossy42 what do you think of this jacket, I have my eye on these ones: https://www.zara.com/us/en/faux-leather-jacket-p03427320.html?v1=272448370

https://www.asos.com/us/asos-design/asos-design-faux-leather-biker-jacket-in-black/prd/204404790#colourWayId-204404800

https://www.asos.com/us/jack-jones/jack-jones-essentials-faux-leather-racer-jacket-in-black/prd/203568550#colourWayId-203568592

Probably the Zara one it’s the closest to what I have

@Radical will know better

Also found this one, I do like the Zara one more I just want to be sure it fits my frame:

https://www.asos.com/us/bolongaro-trevor/bolongaro-trevor-nikolai-biker-leather-jacket/prd/201804119#colourWayId-201804134

 

[Foducossy]

Both are fine it depends on fit. Can you buy and return?

 

[pancakemouse]

Asos clothing sucks, go with Zara.

 

[G.N]

Asos clothing sucks, go with Zara.

I’ve had issues with asos in the past, but that was years ago. Guess not much has changed.

 

[Radical]

I have stopped recommending faux leather tbh, there are some fake leather products that look close but they price similar to real leather

So if you have no ethical concerns buy real leather, or get another style of jacket you can easily afford (bomber, varsity, denim etc)

Asos kinda shit for jackets unless its one of the good brands they stock

 

[G.N]

I have stopped recommending faux leather tbh, there are some fake leather products that look close but they price similar to real leather

So if you have no ethical concerns buy real leather, or get another style of jacket you can easily afford (bomber, varsity, denim etc)

Asos kinda shit for jackets unless its one of the good brands they stock

The Last asos one is a brand called Bolongaro Trevor Nikolai, the og retail price looks around 500 but they got it for roughly 100-ish. Would that be a good one?

 

[Radical]

Not seen one of theirs before

Just be prepared to return it if the cut sucks (like with all ASOS - easy returns at least)

 

[G.N]

Not seen one of theirs before

Just be prepared to return it if the cut sucks (like with all ASOS - easy returns at least)

I guess I can do that. Also why don't you like faux leather anymore?

 

[G.N]

Ordered the real leather jacket from ASOS, after discounts and stuff it was 88$. The brand seems to be considered good, so far not finding anything negative.

 

[kratjeuh]

Ordered the real leather jacket from ASOS, after discounts and stuff it was 88$. The brand seems to be considered good, so far not finding anything negative.

Literally everyone here commented to not go for the ASOS so why bother asking for opinions?

I understand that your financial situation isn’t the best. Your main goal should be a side hustle so you have the money to upgrade photos, fashion, … Making cheap decisions will slow down your progress immensely, get the money so you can make the correct decisions

 

[G.N]

Ordered the real leather jacket from ASOS, after discounts and stuff it was 88$. The brand seems to be considered good, so far not finding anything negative.

Literally everyone here commented to not go for the ASOS so why bother asking for opinions?

I understand that your financial situation isn’t the best. Your main goal should be a side hustle so you have the money to upgrade photos, fashion, … Making cheap decisions will slow down your progress immensely, get the money so you can make the correct decisions

The original jacket retails for 500+, and I was also told to not go for faux leather. I have a side hustle in progress it now just depends whether the client sticks with me or not. Let’s see how it looks when it arrives.

 

[G.N]

10/19

Thursday was pretty busy. I don't have much to add here tbh I can't recall much. I saw this one girl I tried to strike up conversation with at club a few weeks ago at todays meet. She was still not easy to talk to, gotta count this one as a loss, damn shame.

 

[G.N]

10/20

Woke up and did some Microbio exam studying, the exam was scheduled for today at 3. I still felt like I knew nothing because I started studying around when mid-semester burnout started to hit me like last week. My research lab invited me for brunch and I figured I may join for some brownie points with the team. It was ok but I was too preoccupied with needing to study for the exam and finish my PBiochem HW which was really fucking hard this week. Another PBiochem TA hosted a recitation and I attended. It helped a lot with finishing the HW. Right after I had the exam and I was super nervous. My prof generally has us take the exams remotely with a proctoring service but I take mine with a testing center to get extra time. He provided a bypass code for the proctoring service since the center would proctor me instead. However we could not figure out how to bypass it so I had to take the exam proctored by two different services.

The test definitely had some tricky questions I had to double and even triple take, thankfully I did. I wasn't too confident when I submitted it but I actually did pretty well! I was very happy I did not do bad, my grade in the class did not go up too much but Ill take it.

I finished the exam, finished some other assignments, then went back to my apartment in the sudden rain. My roommate stole my umbrella because his broke. I told him to ask me next time because that was incredibly selfish of him. My shirt got wet so I had to change outfits for my date with that big girl from Bumble.

I met the girl at the coffee shop around 6PM. She looked exactly like her photos, which is good. We just talked about whatever really, the date was only around an hour long. I did make a ton of mistakes though, like I couldn't really physically escalate, I just feel like there was barely any chemistry. Being on the spectrum makes it really difficult to fake my emotions, I don't know how other people do it. Regardless I still said lets go back to my place. She pulled the "oh I am feeling really tired just need some me time, maybe another time". She mentioned going back to hers so I said "ok how about we go back to yours", again same excuse. I really tried to be persistent within reason but ultimately failed. I doubt I will see her again tbh.

I think overall on this date I managed to keep my voice lower and more masculine sounding, which is good. I managed to give off less friend vibes, but some were still there. However I failed to flirt and build any chemistry which then led to a lack of proper escalation. Ultimately I walked her back to her car and hugged her+a peck on the cheek.

I went to go get dinner then went back to my apartment, feeling a little defeated. I was really hoping tonight would be the night I lose my virginity. Maybe I was planned to but God got mad at me for being slightly ticked I can't get dates with cuter girls so he took away that opportunity. I still got two more dates for the weekend though, I will keep going.

I got back on Tinder to see another one of my likes disappeared and looks like it was that one blonde hottie. Welp I was pessimistic it was a bot anyways. I haven't felt the motivation to swipe on Tinder since every girl shown to me seems so far out of my league. I shot my brother a text just to talk and honestly I walked out of that feeling upset and unsupported. He was telling me I should just give up on Tinder. I told him I would try to fix my photos and fashion and he just hit me with the "focus on yourself bro" and says my situation isn't as fixable due to my location. I got really upset at that because maybe he is right, and maybe he is wrong. I don't know for sure. I have a hard time believing ZERO attractive girls would want anything to do with me, maybe less than most sure but it can't be zero especially since I haven't hit my full potential yet.

I told him how pissed I was he wasn't trying to understand my perspective. He didn't grow up on the spectrum or with ADHD. Sure he had some obstacles to overcome but I definitely had more to overcome. He said he is incapable of it since he doesn't have the same experiences.

I don't know if it is truly worth listening to him. He gets attention from 7s and 8s pretty easily now, but he doesn't fuck any because he is in this limbo of wanting intimacy but believing he should hookup with more girls for the "college experience". All this is stupid since he isn't getting either, plus he is simping over girls he barely sees anymore.

At this point I feel like I really am alone in this journey. Just seems like a lot of people think I am weird for wanting to go this far to improve my dating situation. I am called desperate and more made to feel crazy or stupid for wanting to get laid. Everyone says "oh just focus on your career and the women will come easy". That is some fucking bullshit. Girls won't flock to you unless you are a celebrity or crazy hot. We have to put ourselves out there where shit is fucking tough. Sure that advice makes sense for getting married but I want to have fun too, marriage is such a huge commitment and not marrying the right person seems like hell. My friends have divorced parents and its fucked them up BAD.

All that goes to say I am very appreciative of the community here for actually supporting me in my journey of going all in. A lot of people I initially asked on Reddit said I was dumb for getting a photoshoot, but here it seemed like unless you had experience a photoshoot was a necessity. Sure I did it wrong, I made lots of mistakes, but I can work with my photographer to fix them. I have been told a lot of things I did not want to hear, but they were things I needed to hear. Like upping my style and fixing my expressions. I was under the impression me just having good quality photos was enough to give me an edge but it seems as the subject I had more work to do. I have to truly give myself permission to suck, but then move forward. I was resisting because I wanted to believe I was doing a good job.

If I continued posting on reddit i would have been stuck in a pity party, it seems I may have to just stick to my guns and keep working. I can't let anything bring me down or make me question my goals.

EDIT: Brother is still being annoying about sending me the necklace. Which of these do you guys like more:

https://twistedpendant.com/products/gold-thin-cuban-chain-1-5mm?variant=32063845564500

or

https://twistedpendant.com/products/dragon-tiger-pendant-gold

Gold works best for my skin tone from my research.