Goals for 2023 - NightRoller's Semiregular Update Log

[Pluto]

Usually Monday afternoons right after the bar opens, the manager is likely to be around from my experience. Dancing is not exactly the most masculine hobby. My point is that if you roll towards certain hobbies, you are likely to find it easier to network and naturally meet guys that work at bars.

TBH, nightlife is one avenue where being a dude is a big handicap. Unless you are big and ripped to where you can be a door guy, it is not very male friendly. Bars and clubs run off of attention that the bartenders attract and some hot blonde with a huge rack is likely to get thirsty men tipping her a lot and coming to the bar more. In a college town, this is even more true as most guys lack game and just want eye candy to look at all day.

As a dude, you are not going to bring in as many customers and that is a big part of nightlife and bars. These places run off of what are often thin margins. The guys who do make it into nightlife have to really put in the work and yeah, that might mean being a bar back for a year.

However, your attitude determines everything. I know of guys who were bar backs for a few months, kept a cool attitude, weren't bitter, helped when they could, and the managers gave them bartending shifts when other bartenders were calling out and saying they could not come.

 

[NightRoller]

8/27 Update:

-Failed to hit the gym yesterday. I need to hit the gym to keep my caloric deficit, else I'll just balloon up around my belly again.
-Failed in my plans to do nightgame again. I'm thinking I overestimated the amount of time I would have to do things and underestimated how much I would have to do each day, including cooking, going to the store for supplies, getting ears pierced (the day before), getting homework done...
-I feel like I'm getting a better grasp of this diet. I hit my goal of over 100g of protein once again. (Now, if only I can hit the gym today to remind my muscles to put that protein to use...)
-But what perhaps took the most time was meeting a virgin who hadn't even kissed a guy before, she was worried about her body and being fat (she could stand to lose some, but she was still attractive). Gave her a first kiss and first fingering, and she wasn't ready to go all the way and take my "virginity-taker virginity". Was pretty fun and she was quite talkative, but it took up a lot of time. Another near-notch that may precipitate into one in the future. Found her on Tinder, and both she and the previous girl mentioned that I'm a lot more attractive than I look in my pictures (I'm sure the new piercings don't hurt).

This thread seems to have become less of "cold approach" and more of a "daily progress report". I hope to change that once I'm not busy going to the store or tattoo parlor every other day.

=======
Replies:

TBH, nightlife is one avenue where being a dude is a big handicap. [...] However, your attitude determines everything. I know of guys who were bar backs for a few months, kept a cool attitude, weren't bitter, helped when they could, and the managers gave them bartending shifts when other bartenders were calling out and saying they could not come.

I'll keep that in mind. I've got an awesome work ethic and team-focused mindset, so once I'm in I'll be making sure progress there, and it seems the struggle will be getting to that point.

 

[NightRoller]

8/28 Update:

Not much. Hit the gym. Overate on the diet a bit. Not seeing much progress in my stomach size, but will use a scale to check more regularly. Lots of homework, no time to nightgame. Poor sleep from ear piercing ache.

 

[NightRoller]

8/29 Update:

Purchased a few pairs of pants. I hate how the U.S. has its fitting rooms shut down, even in Japan where everyone's still wearing masks the fitting rooms are open so why can't we have that here? (My guess: it's more convenient for the companies so far to keep them closed.) Going to try them on and see what fits, as they're ripped, black, a kind of pants I've had my eye on for some time.
Learning more about cooking and continuing to use MyFitnessPal to log progress. Last week Tuesday (up to the Wednesday before it) I averaged 89 grams of protein (higher than I expected), and this week the average is 122 grams. Much better and closer to my goal. If possible, I want to bring it up to 140 grams at least, but I'm reluctant to drink protein shakes until I get a proper mixing bottle.
Set up an appointment for a haircut next week. Going for short and solid. I'm done with messing with this hair in the morning or trying to get it to sit right in a non-nerdy way.

Tried to go to the bars and hit up some managers, but found out they're closed Mondays. So it goes.

 

[NightRoller]

8/30 Update
Hit a decent starter workout at the gym. Lots of room to add reps and/or weight over time.
Bought a couple more band shirts.
Hit good protein.
Studied some KYIL material.

 

[NightRoller]

8/31 Update:

Matched with a girl this day, she was spontaneous and asked about "what simple trick" I have to "make a good night a great night" (an old bio spiel I have). She came over, then I continued to not kiss her and not touch her until we were in my room, where I stroked her hair and got out a high-pressure game which involves taking off clothes. When it came her turn to take something off, she balked and left. I was a poor judge of what she needed; she needed more comfort, not more pressure. I should have kissed her, even had several decent points to do so. Yet another non-notch of a girl who came into my room.
I hit my step goal today; 9.1/8k. Not as much protein today as I'd like, but enough (>100 g) while staying under my calorie goal.
Took some pictures with a friend/wing, probably got a few good ones. I'll sort through them the next day and in the next few days put some here to see what value any of them have over my old photos.
Another day done, taking baby steps towards my goals.

 

[pancakemouse]

8/29 Update:

Purchased a few pairs of pants. I hate how the U.S. has its fitting rooms shut down, even in Japan where everyone's still wearing masks the fitting rooms are open so why can't we have that here? (My guess: it's more convenient for the companies so far to keep them closed.)

I raged at the same thing, but they're all back open again here in New York City. When I asked managers in the Bay Area, they said it was more of a staffing problem than a COVID problem.

8/31 Update:

Matched with a girl this day, she was spontaneous and asked about "what simple trick" I have to "make a good night a great night" (an old bio spiel I have). She came over, then I continued to not kiss her and not touch her until we were in my room, where I stroked her hair and got out a high-pressure game which involves taking off clothes. When it came her turn to take something off, she balked and left. I was a poor judge of what she needed; she needed more comfort, not more pressure. I should have kissed her, even had several decent points to do so. Yet another non-notch of a girl who came into my room.

Uh oh. If you're losing girls that are coming directly over, that's a sign that you're missing multiple big things. Hard to know more without more details. I will say, though, that it doesn't seem like a good idea to gamify the seduction process. Girls want to feel like it was natural and "just happened". So your generalized post-hoc analysis that you were lacking comfort is probably bang on, though with more specifics I and others could probably give more pointed feedback.

Obviously this one is over, but happy to review a recording if you record your next date.

 

[NightRoller]

Update 9/1:

Stopped by my target bar again, got a (non-alcoholic--my piercings are still healing) drink and burger and talked with one of the bartenders about what she likes and dislikes about the job and what time is best to come if I want to catch a non-busy manager to talk (as my application is already in). I plan to hit it up again on Tuesday, the same day as my upcoming haircut.

Hit the gym, starting low and slow but increasing the reps or weight on everything each workout.

Returned some pants that didn't fit, now have ripped black jeans that fit my target look perfectly--when I wear them.

Took a few of my new photos from the photoshoot and updated my Tinder, then activated a boost. Got around 3-6 matches from it, we'll see if any precipitate into dates. Definitely helped having the better pictures, need to get some more in the future.

Noticed that according to this week that I've been weighing myself, I haven't particularly gone down in weight. My legs do look less fat and more lean than they had before, but I'll wait another week before making any decisions to adjust my diet. It seems like my energy levels have gotten used to this current amount of calories, because I don't feel as lethargic nor have I had any further energy crashes (though that may also be from taking care to have some fruit or bread carbs throughout the day).

==========
Replies:

Uh oh. If you're losing girls that are coming directly over, that's a sign that you're missing multiple big things. Hard to know more without more details. I will say, though, that it doesn't seem like a good idea to gamify the seduction process. Girls want to feel like it was natural and "just happened".

+ Definitely need to review the basics and work on them. Having a few notches doesn't mean I know much of anything, really, and I need to remind myself of that.
+ That point on the gamification is exactly what I was thinking post-date.

Obviously this one is over, but happy to review a recording if you record your next date.

I'm not sure how to record the date, especially in a "legal" way. But could record a future date once I know how. I'll work on being detailed and observant in person as well.

 

[pancakemouse]

I'm not sure how to record the date, especially in a "legal" way. But could record a future date once I know how. I'll work on being detailed and observant in person as well.

Are you concerned with legality or morality? I've found that most guys who talk about legality are actually concerned about morality. Recording conversations is something that doesn't hurt anyone, and it's only used for your own personal improvement.

Easiest way to do it is to use a voice recorder app on your phone with the notifications disabled.

 

[Squilliam]

Are you concerned with legality or morality? I've found that most guys who talk about legality are actually concerned about morality. Recording conversations is something that doesn't hurt anyone, and it's only used for your own personal improvement.

Easiest way to do it is to use a voice recorder app on your phone with the notifications disabled.

This is correct. Most guys are concerned about the morality, not the legality.

NightRoller I had the same concerns. Once I accepted it was legal and not hurting anybody, I had no qualms with it.

It is legal in many places. Are you in the US? The vast majority of states have one party consent laws. Meaning you can record any conversation that you're involved in without the other person's consent.

It only becomes wiretapping if you are recording a conversation that you aren't involved in.

I highly recommend doing it if you can, it's helped me immensely with figuring out my issues.

 

[NightRoller]

Update 9/2:

Had a girl over once again, this is miss virgin from about a week ago. Thought I'd for sure take her virginity, and there were many points where I was prepared to (slowly, carefully), but her answer was always "no." She said she was a big fan of grinding, so I fingered her for a while, struggled to get hard myself for a ridiculous and awkward amount of time, then she mounted me and rubbed back and forth over my condom-ed dick. She didn't come, I did. I won't count it a notch, but it was fun, and she looked super sexy sitting on top of me even with some belly fat on her end. If she just wants to do this, I might be okay with it for a few more meets before I get bored or tired of it and say I'm not interested in continuing. We both know it's casual, I've made that clear, but it would be fun to take her virginity (or just have sex with her as a non-virgin).

Majorly messed with my sleep schedule the night of 9/2. Between meeting that girl and having to drive home, it ate up a solid 8 hours of time I could have used to finish an assignment that took me from 12:30 until 5:30 am to complete, forward loading exhaustion onto a day I couldn't sleep in because of errands.

Also went over my diet calorie mark by 100-200 calories. Nothing to cry over when I'm normally hitting my mark or below.

======
Replies:

Are you concerned with legality or morality? I've found that most guys who talk about legality are actually concerned about morality. Recording conversations is something that doesn't hurt anyone, and it's only used for your own personal improvement.

Easiest way to do it is to use a voice recorder app on your phone with the notifications disabled.

I'm somewhat concerned around morality, but I'm fine with doing it if it's legal.
I'll do some research on how to turn off notifications on my phone. Just downloaded a voice recorder app. I have a few dates coming up this next week that I'll be able to record my (better than it used to be, far short of where I could be) conversation abilities in practice.

@NightRoller I had the same concerns. Once I accepted it was legal and not hurting anybody, I had no qualms with it.

It is legal in many places. Are you in the US? The vast majority of states have one party consent laws. Meaning you can record any conversation that you're involved in without the other person's consent.

I'm in the U.S., yes. Glad to hear from someone who had the same worries as me. I'm checking the legality of "one party consent laws" in my state as I type this... and it is legal here. Now that I know how and the legality of it, another tool for the toolbox of improvement thanks to awesome guys like you Squilliam and pancakemouse !

 

[NightRoller]

Update 9/3:

This day was triaged. Hit the gym, hit my diet goals, did a bunch of errands. Tried to keep in mind the slight edge while knowing I wouldn't make any major progress.

 

[NightRoller]

Update 9/4:

Continuing to set up dates via Tinder. The better photos are definitely helping, though I have yet to sift through them and post the best ones here for feedback and inspiration.
Hit my diet goals again. Feeling anxiety around losing weight because I didn't hit my step goal for the day. To be honest, feeling anxiety about my slow progress and general lack thereof (as well as not doing cold approach much at all), but remembering to "relax and trust the process" and not take on everything at once.
Had a productive call with my coach, RPD. It was encouraging to hear from him and remember how I'm making slow progress, but significant and relatively focused progress.

 

[NightRoller]

Update 9/5:

Had a girl over from Tinder; was quite excited for it, as she was someone who runs an only fans and has done quite a lot of stripping and pole-dancing. I think having sex with someone like that would be on my sexual bucket list if I wrote it out.
However, I didn't take the notch. She said she wasn't comfortable with touch much. I probably should have listened to her actions instead of her words, because while she said she didn't like sex or kissing much, she seemed to like it the couple times we kissed. She definitely has a lot of hangups around it. Still, this is a notch I wouldn't mind waiting a few dates for (while still persistently seeking it each time). I forgot to record our conversation, however.
Getting more matches than I'm used to, about one every 2-3 days now. Significantly more than I ever had before. Things are quite busy, but I do need to finally go through these photos, else it wastes the time taken to take them.

 

[NightRoller]

Update 9/6:

Got a haircut.
Hit up my main target bar again. Going to ask today for an interview.
Recalling my date 9/5, I need to work on my breath (fixing it before the date), my smell (putting on some deodorant before the date), and getting that vibrator Andy always talks about.
I'm getting lots of IOIs and shy replies when I give compliments to girls. Few guys are dressed as well as I am and I'm not wearing a suit or going all-in on the look by wearing my ripped pants. This short haircut already seems to work.
Wrote a summary post here: https://nightrollergame.wordpress.com/2022/09/06/0-getting-there-incremental-progress-incremental-returns/

 

[NightRoller]

Update 9/7:

+1 with Miss Plump No-Longer-A-Virgin. Barely put my dick in her, she was nervous and tight and I wasn't fully hard, but it is a notch.
Got a job proposal from my target bar to work as a cook, and then to work the door or the bar as positions open up. After talking with RPD, I'm going to try to push for 1 shift a week (at least) up front working with people, to leverage their need for cooks. We'll see what they say, and I'll keep asking around at other places for openings.

Finally, here's a link to the pictures I want to get feedback on, I limited it to a couple dozen from a few hundred. I have a couple favorites, but want to hear others' ideas and recommendations on which are good and why. https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=1633

 

[NightRoller]

Update 9/8:

Signed up for John Anthony's Cold Approach "breakthrough" challenge. I'll admit I'm not taking it 100% seriously in that I'm prioritizing a couple other events and homework over it for today, but I fully intend to do the challenge as best as I can with the time remaining.

Noticed that over the past week and a half, my weight hasn't gone down much. Will create a chart next Tuesday and post the progress/results here Wednesday as well as what plans I have moving forward. I will likely need to adjust my calorie goals and/or add cardio.
Hit the gym. Continual progress. Aimed to hit enough reps/weight on each exercise so that I felt sore/tired after each one.

Studied some of Andy's Tinder guide. Life has slowed me down from making as significant progress on this as I would prefer to be making.

 

[NightRoller]

By the way, given how little cold approach I've ended up doing, is there a better forum topic I could create a thread for these daily accountability updates in?

Update 9/9:

-By the advice of the awesome diet and fitness forum post from NotYourAverageNerd, I came across "Coach Greg" and looked up a few of his high-protein lower-calorie recipes. Going to experiment with them to add some variety to my current diet.
-I attended John Anthony's approach breakthrough challenge and took notes. I plan to make some approaches tonight (9/10) out at the bars and today while out and about.
-Attended a Swing Dance, missed the lesson because of John's thing but got to be one of the most coordinatedly-dressed guys there. Might have even OVERdone it with the accessories, but now that I have enough of them I can choose what degree of peacocking to do instead of being limited.
-Hit my step goal and tried some cardio-jogging where I wasn't pushing for speed so much as trying to keep a sustainable pace where I could keep going.
-Got confirmed on an offer to work at my target bar as a cook with a door shift or two thrown in. They must need cooks, and if I can work my way up from here, I'll be looking good by december.

 

[NightRoller]

Update 9/10:

Missed going to the gym. Had a huge time investment at the store prepping for a couple recipes. Ate too much pizza at a friend's party. A mostly wasted day, but I did gather enough food to make some solid protein-ful foods that will make it easier to meet my diet goals in the future and enjoy the process.

 

[NightRoller]

Update 9/11:
-Hit Gym
-Went on a date with a somewhat larger girl, but she made up for it with spontaneity and up-front honesty. Things were going slow but well (I was slow to escalate, couldn't find or think of a good topic-transition to put myself in a good position and she mentioned that I should relax more in a voice note afterwards), but I called her the wrong name--the name of a different lead, whose name I was convinced this current girl's name was--and it killed the mood for her. I attempted to try to make it not a terrible time by putting on a movie, but she had to go soon and it was essentially over after my (rather classic) terrible blunder. Might see her again, we're still in contact.
-Disappointed at how several phone number leads have dried up. Probably from my functional but somewhat dry/ineffective texting. Going to send a warm-up text up to 3 times before dropping them into the "ping a couple times a year at most" bin.
-Went slightly over my diet goal, which works okay in the end because 100 calories over a target ~200 calorie deficit is still a deficit (or maintenance on a slow day). Still going to try to hit that 1750 calorie target or less, and noticing some significant fat loss already (not much weight loss--some lost muscles must be redeveloping from memory and counterbalancing my weight loss). Will create a chart tomorrow and share here.