Hey guys!
Been a wild week. Leaving the tiny little town where I was at to come to a bigger place sure has done wonders for my dating life. I've got some date reports and some thoughts about the last week. I've been on 4 dates in the last six days. Which is absolutely wild. That's an INSANE amount of dates for me. Like holy shit. But anyways, here's how they went.
DATE ONE
Met this girl on Tinder. Little Asian girl who's profile made it very clear that she was in an open relationship. I've never dated, or even really considered dating, anyone in that kind of a situation before and frankly I was freaked out and nervous. I'm always nervous on dates, but still. I didn't need to be though. She was nice. She said her boyfriend doesn't date outside the relationship, but only because he's too shy to do so. We met at an ice cream shop but decided to walk across the street to a coffee shop instead. We sat in a booth and I tried to take the advice of sitting next to her rather than across. I had hoped it would make for a more flirty vibe. But really the date was just boring. It was very platonic, very dull, and now six days later I can barely remember anything we talked about. We chatted for maybe just over an hour, walked around the parking area chatting for a while, then the date ended.
DATE TWO
Met this girl on Hinge. 6' tall curvy girl. The vibe with this girl was very different over text. She seemed much more dominant. I got stuck in traffic and ended up being 20 minutes late, which I apologized for. She didn't seem upset but still, that's a bad look and I felt bad about it. We sat on a couch in the cute little shop and chatted, again for a little over an hour. After the last, dull, platonic date, i tried to be a bit more flirty on this one. I tried to break the touch barrier and put an arm behind her on the couch and lean up against her a little bit. She didn't seem upset but didn't really reciprocate either. At one point in the date the conversation got flirty and the eye contact did too. I tried to go in for the kiss and she playfully turned me down. I tried again, thinking she was just playing, and got the same result. After that, we chatted in a friendly sort of way for a few more minutes but the date ended soon thereafter. I sent her a text saying thanks anyways and hope things work out well for her.
DATE THREE
Met this girl on Tinder. I'll be honest, I just was not that attracted to this girl as soon as she showed up. I don't know if that makes me a shitty person, but it's true. She wasn't as attractive as her photos made her look. Not a catfish by any means, but the photos had definitely been a little generous. I stayed on the date anyways, just to try to get practice on dating. I wanted to try asking better questions. I've been generally asking very bland questions about things like work and hobbies. This time I tried sprinkling in more questions trying to understand who this girl really is. What does she want? What are her goals? What are her values? In this particular instance, this girl was unfortunately very boring. She didn't seem to have any real goals or passions or desires or anything. She was just...dull. I wrapped the date up after an hour and sent her a text as well saying thanks for the date but i wasn't feeling the chemistry.
DATE FOUR
Met this girl on Hinge. The vibe with her over text was definitely more playful. Being silly and goofy and giving each other nicknames and things like that. I was bored to death of coffee dates so I made a few sandwiches and we met in the park for a picnic. This girl was easier to talk to than the last. She was willing to ask questions herself and put in effort to the conversation. We ate on a blanket and then walked around the park for a bit. I decided to go for it and held her hand, which she let me do. So that was really nice. I kept trying to ask deeper more pointed questions and got to know a little bit more about her. Again, it was hard to get anything out of her that was super interesting as far as plans or goals or desires or anything like that. I wish she had a bit more...drive maybe. But we did find out that we have a bit of common history with growing up in the same religion that we've now both left. So we got to chat about that and relate over that which was nice. At the end of the date I walked her to her car and asked "So do I get a kiss?" and got a few pecks on the lips, which was great! I think I'll probably ask her out again. She's cute enough, if a little overweight. And she was at least a little bit fun and playful.
OVERALL THOUGHTS
Honestly, before the last date I was feeling very disappointed. It's nice to be finally going on at least some dates. I feel like there is at least some amount of progress being made there and I'm trying to take that as a win and let myself feel some victory over it. But the dates were generally very dull, very platonic, not much fun, and felt more like work than anything else. The last one was, if not amazing, at least good! I like dates where there's both sitting and walking around. Trying to break the touch barrier with a girl while we are sitting together feels very forced and awkward. Holding someone's hand while walking feels much more natural. I also definitely want to focus more on the deep questions. Things like "What are your goals right now?" "What are you working on?" "What do you want the next five years to be like?" Things like that. Because honestly, I don't really give a fuck what her work is like, or how she met her friends.
And while It's nice to be finally going on some dates, It's also clear just how much work i still have to do. I've been matching with a pretty good number of girls on dating apps lately. So many that it's hard to keep up with them all. But honestly, most of them are just not very cute. And the few who have actually been genuinely cute or hot don't respond back to my texts. None of the girls i went out with are what I would call hot or sexy. And while I definitely do want to get laid and start building a sex life, I don't want to do it with girls who are boring and not attractive. So my profile still needs work. I want to date in-shape athletic girls. If I were to say I had a type, I'd definitely say tall athletic girls, the kind with abs and legs for days (At least physically that's my type). So I need my profile to reflect that. I need to seriously work on getting in shape and building some muscle and take pictures of me deadlifting or something.
Regardless, dating is a ton of work. This has all been a little exhausting and overwhelming. I think I'll try to see Girl #4 again. Beyond that I'll try to keep matching with other girls and optimizing my profile. I feel like I still have so far to go to build the kind of dating and sex life I want. But I'll show a little faith. I'll get there.
