Hydro
Member
- Joined
- Oct 8, 2021
Now onto the blackpills:
I have been ruminating about death quite often this past week. I mean today I had a final for my class and I didn't even go. yes, a final exam and I didn't even go. Me dying has been something that I've pondered a lot about over the years, but man these past few days have been really accelerated the rumination about things.
I have been looking at a lot of information as to why people commit suicide and I've learned a good amount and even ordered a book from Dr. Thomas Joiner (lost his father to suicide in 1990) who is the leading expert on why people commit suicide. He created the Interpersonal Theory of Suicide.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/ar...ng to the theory,desire to engage in suicidal: Essentially the 3 aspects as to why people delete themselves is
1. A perception of being a burden to others (perceived burdensomeness)
2. Social disconnection to something larger than oneself (thwarted belongingness)
However it isn't just these two. These two ingredients will make you ruminate about suicide (which is exactly where I'm at in life) but these are the thinkers. The doer's have a 3rd potent ingredient which is
3. A capability (learned fearlessness) of suicide. Typically from a gradual desensitization to violence and a decreased fear of pain, combined with technical competence in one or more suicide methods.
Here is a picture:
GOOD NEWS: I have the first two but I have too much fear to actually follow through since death is counter-intuitive to what the body wants. Even Andy himself talked about this, when he would have a knife and wanted to die but he couldn't. I think about jumping off my apartment building but can't. I mean this literally happened to a student a couple of days ago: https://www.nbcconnecticut.com/news/local/police-presence-uconn-campus-storrs/3236523/
May they Rest in Peace and my condolences to their friends and family. But to put it into perspective of my situation, they had the capability (doer) while I just have the desire (thinker). This is actually my current problem that I am thinking too much and not pulling the trigger (no pun intended). Bad news is that I am not getting anything accomplished in life or moving forward. Good thing is I am not high risk at all. I'm basically in this half dead, apathetic, place in life. kinda sucks.
I ordered one of his books (and may interview him in the future) titled 'Myths about Suicide'. It's coming in the mail by next week I believe and really would like to learn about this topic since people talk about it but not many people are informed about it.
His other books that I plan to read:
1. Why People Die by Suicide
2. Lonely at the Top: The High Cost of Men's Success (Why men commit suicide more often)
3. The Varieties of Suicidal Experience: A New Theory of Suicidal Violence (which just came out a month ago, interesting timing on my current plight).
Some other stuff related to this topic:
Listened to a podcast about Joiner while I was taking a shower: https://www.npr.org/2010/04/28/126365907/deconstructing-myths-about-suicide
Another podcast on my walk: https://www.sallyspencerthomas.com/hope-illuminated-podcast/1
Interestingly, there was a car parked 45 degrees at the curb of a residential intersection. The radio was playing loudly and a pedestrian said that he called the non-emergency number an hour ago and nobody came. The car was there for 2 hours, as that's what he told me. I called 911, told the paramedics about the info and they were there. We thought the guy might've been dead because of how loudly the music radio was playing but I saw his chest rising as I looked in the driver's window. He's good (I believe) but yeah, interesting stuff.
Tried to search up how to hang myself (couldn't find stuff) but oddly is one of the main ways that men commit deletion, women more so pharmacological drugs: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/ar...mpt methods in the study population.,-Table 1
Also in the same paper: 62% of women who committed suicide had made previous suicide attempts, 62% of men who committed suicide had not previously made such an attempt. Meaning guys delete themselves on the first attempt (62% of the time) and women delete themselves on their non-first, aka, 2nd, 3rd, 4th attempt (62% of the time).
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38328720/: Most attempts occurred in people under 40, with drug poisoning being the most common method. Factors like being single, unemployed, and having mental health issues were linked to suicide attempts. Suicidal ideation was often triggered by mental disorders or relationship conflicts. Currently single, unemployed and have had mental health issues so yeah that's tuff for me.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9437900/: A majority of American men who die by suicide (60%) don’t have any known history of mental health problems and https://neurosciencenews.com/male-suicide-mental-health-20834/: Males with no mental health history who died by suicide in three of the four age groups—adolescents, young adults and middle-aged men—more commonly experienced relationship problems, arguments or another type of personal crisis as precipitating circumstances than for those with prior histories. The researchers emphasized the importance of focusing on these kinds of acute situational stressors as part of suicide prevention efforts and working to discourage the use of alcohol, drugs and guns during times of crisis.
I am feeling better, but yeah not the best. Will tune in for more stuff about my life. Also I plan on signing up back to the gym tomorrow as I've put my membership on hold. Will report back!
I have been ruminating about death quite often this past week. I mean today I had a final for my class and I didn't even go. yes, a final exam and I didn't even go. Me dying has been something that I've pondered a lot about over the years, but man these past few days have been really accelerated the rumination about things.
I have been looking at a lot of information as to why people commit suicide and I've learned a good amount and even ordered a book from Dr. Thomas Joiner (lost his father to suicide in 1990) who is the leading expert on why people commit suicide. He created the Interpersonal Theory of Suicide.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/ar...ng to the theory,desire to engage in suicidal: Essentially the 3 aspects as to why people delete themselves is
1. A perception of being a burden to others (perceived burdensomeness)
2. Social disconnection to something larger than oneself (thwarted belongingness)
However it isn't just these two. These two ingredients will make you ruminate about suicide (which is exactly where I'm at in life) but these are the thinkers. The doer's have a 3rd potent ingredient which is
3. A capability (learned fearlessness) of suicide. Typically from a gradual desensitization to violence and a decreased fear of pain, combined with technical competence in one or more suicide methods.
Here is a picture:
GOOD NEWS: I have the first two but I have too much fear to actually follow through since death is counter-intuitive to what the body wants. Even Andy himself talked about this, when he would have a knife and wanted to die but he couldn't. I think about jumping off my apartment building but can't. I mean this literally happened to a student a couple of days ago: https://www.nbcconnecticut.com/news/local/police-presence-uconn-campus-storrs/3236523/
May they Rest in Peace and my condolences to their friends and family. But to put it into perspective of my situation, they had the capability (doer) while I just have the desire (thinker). This is actually my current problem that I am thinking too much and not pulling the trigger (no pun intended). Bad news is that I am not getting anything accomplished in life or moving forward. Good thing is I am not high risk at all. I'm basically in this half dead, apathetic, place in life. kinda sucks.
I ordered one of his books (and may interview him in the future) titled 'Myths about Suicide'. It's coming in the mail by next week I believe and really would like to learn about this topic since people talk about it but not many people are informed about it.
His other books that I plan to read:
1. Why People Die by Suicide
2. Lonely at the Top: The High Cost of Men's Success (Why men commit suicide more often)
3. The Varieties of Suicidal Experience: A New Theory of Suicidal Violence (which just came out a month ago, interesting timing on my current plight).
Some other stuff related to this topic:
Listened to a podcast about Joiner while I was taking a shower: https://www.npr.org/2010/04/28/126365907/deconstructing-myths-about-suicide
Another podcast on my walk: https://www.sallyspencerthomas.com/hope-illuminated-podcast/1
Interestingly, there was a car parked 45 degrees at the curb of a residential intersection. The radio was playing loudly and a pedestrian said that he called the non-emergency number an hour ago and nobody came. The car was there for 2 hours, as that's what he told me. I called 911, told the paramedics about the info and they were there. We thought the guy might've been dead because of how loudly the music radio was playing but I saw his chest rising as I looked in the driver's window. He's good (I believe) but yeah, interesting stuff.
Tried to search up how to hang myself (couldn't find stuff) but oddly is one of the main ways that men commit deletion, women more so pharmacological drugs: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/ar...mpt methods in the study population.,-Table 1
Also in the same paper: 62% of women who committed suicide had made previous suicide attempts, 62% of men who committed suicide had not previously made such an attempt. Meaning guys delete themselves on the first attempt (62% of the time) and women delete themselves on their non-first, aka, 2nd, 3rd, 4th attempt (62% of the time).
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38328720/: Most attempts occurred in people under 40, with drug poisoning being the most common method. Factors like being single, unemployed, and having mental health issues were linked to suicide attempts. Suicidal ideation was often triggered by mental disorders or relationship conflicts. Currently single, unemployed and have had mental health issues so yeah that's tuff for me.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9437900/: A majority of American men who die by suicide (60%) don’t have any known history of mental health problems and https://neurosciencenews.com/male-suicide-mental-health-20834/: Males with no mental health history who died by suicide in three of the four age groups—adolescents, young adults and middle-aged men—more commonly experienced relationship problems, arguments or another type of personal crisis as precipitating circumstances than for those with prior histories. The researchers emphasized the importance of focusing on these kinds of acute situational stressors as part of suicide prevention efforts and working to discourage the use of alcohol, drugs and guns during times of crisis.
I am feeling better, but yeah not the best. Will tune in for more stuff about my life. Also I plan on signing up back to the gym tomorrow as I've put my membership on hold. Will report back!
