Jonathan makes a discorery

[Greenranger]

Edit:

A shit night. Having a suicidal panic attack now again due to self hatred.

I'm so fucking tired of being looked at as a disgusting subhuman. I'm so tired of people telling me I shouldn't even help with work or ill break or I shouldn't run because I'm so weak and look sick. Sometimes when I start falling asleep, all of the visceral disgust reactions I've gotten from girls come back to me, of my ankle bones being visible, girls literally almost panicking about my weight.

Ive tried for TEN years to get my weight fixed. TEN FUCKING YEARS. I've hit the gym, I have visible pecs but I just don't get "big" and am still very boney.

I hate being lied to by guys, friends and family members of "actually looking decent" when girls give me looks like I'm some kind of a non human. How is it even socially acceptable to tell someone that they shouldn't even fucking lift because they'll break.

Girls LIKE me as a person, but we all know that's not enough and I don't have a clue on what to change on my appearance.

Rant over, I always feel slightly better after these attacks.
I'm buying a gym membership tomorrow to a more expensive but open gym

I understand that you have been having a hard time, feeling like a disgusting subhuman, having girls look at you with visceral disgust, and poking fun at your boney figure.

I can relate to that on a personal level, especially the part about loosing sleep due to traumatic flashbacks.

If I may ask, has anyone explicitly said that they find you disgusting?

 

[Crisis_Overcomer]

Obviously no girls liked me in a sexual/romantic way

Just curious, given your endless sexual experience with multitude of girls throughout the decades (yeah, I'm trolling but in a light-hearted way), what exactly signals to you that a girl likes you in a sexual/romantic way?

 

[Greenranger]

I understand that you have been having a hard time, feeling like a disgusting subhuman, having girls look at you with visceral disgust, and poking fun at your boney figure.

I can relate to that on a personal level, especially the part about loosing sleep due to traumatic flashbacks.

If I may ask, has anyone explicitly said that they find you disgusting?

I've had those "eww" reactions pretty often, even when I'm not even doing anything. There have been some where I've approached a girl.

And when you say "eww", was that ever verbal.

In terms of gaining muscle, "dashedhopes" a bodybuilder on this forum will be able to help you with that.

 

[Greenranger]

And when you say "eww", was that ever verbal.

Yes. It was. One of those instances was literally yesterday.

In terms of gaining muscle, "dashedhopes" a bodybuilder on this forum will be able to help you with that.

Thanks! I've been to the gym before, however it was months ago, pre-covid.

Oh shit, that sounds fucking rude, I hope that you don't internalize that.

If you need any help with improving your mental health, I have got a few sources you can look.

Have a good day

 

[l0vebone]

You're not going to get big if you dont eat regardless if you hit the gym. Have you researched things at all or do you spend your days crying about your situation? I'm sorry man but at some point you have to decide to start being the hunter and not the prey.

If you are skinny, on top of what you eat right now, drink 4 liters of milk a day.

I'm literally giving you a cheat code. If you dont do this right now, starting today, its your fault and you only have yourself to blame. I will not feel any sympathy for you if you do not post "today: drank 4 liters of milk and had 6 eggs for breakfast" for the next 7 days. Heres another piece of advice: you may just have to force yourself to drink the 4 liters.

If you do this, I can guarentee you will have results within the WEEK. If you dont do this, I'm checking out of your log. The choice is yours.

 

[Toast]

Just adding my 2 cents in here. I have a friend who also struggles with depression, anxiety, terrible self image, goes to a therapist, and has been on all of the antidepressants/benzos across the board. He gets laid more then me, is arguably less good looking then me, is 5 inches shorter, and can talk to chicks like its nothing.

So its totally possible for you to do it as well. Ur not human scum and u need to get that thought out of ur head. Thoughts like that only hold you back. What do you gain from self pity? Nothing. So what if a chick says eww. She's a fuckin bitch and treating other people like that are people you don't need to associate with in the first place. Fuck what other people think about u. Their ideas of who you are mean nothing. What matters is only what you think of yourself. Its cliche to say but if u cant love yourself how can someone else. You got to be your own biggest fan because in the end its only u out there getting shit done.

Depression is no joke, and I hope that you and your therapist can work something out that will help. My buddy's therapist definitely helped him. And I honestly don't think he would be doing as well right now if he didn't address his mental issues.

Create small attainable goals, and stick to them. Being self aware of your situation is the first step. Next think about what you can do to fix it. Who cares if ur skinny. Most fat as fuck guys probably wish they had ur skinny body type and maybe even look at u and are jealous that they're not skinny like you. Its all about perspective.

You're also only 25. U have so many years ahead of you to turn things around. I'm not much older then you but from when I was 25 i was comparing myself to all my friends graduating from college and beating myself up for not getting as far as them. Doesn't even matter in the slightest.

 

[jackBruh]

You ever heard of mood-surfing? Basically, your emotions are all from hormones etc so you can influence them but it's also a physical thing. They are real. But they always return to a baseline. Whenever something bad happens or you get angry, you've just got to remember that nothing lasts. You've got to ride the wave of your emotion. You can fight it but you'll still be swept away with it. Running away from it just delays you actually processing what is causing you pain. You've got to sit with the emotion and feel it. Once you can feel it fully and process it, then it will go away and you can feel normal again. It's embracing the pain upfront, so it doesn't haunt you later. In your case it might come back a few times, but as you practise you'll realise that you can handle bad emotions.

 

[jackBruh]

there are moments where I even feel euphoric after crying my ass off and having a panic/anger attack.

Yeah crying releases endorphins which is why you feel better afterwards. You've just got to process it and let it happen. Once you can fully realise and sit with your emotions, only then you can start to try and influence them.
[Just general mindfulness stuff I've been taught/read]

Have you guys felt the feeling that the more hopeless and depressed you feel, the more hate you feel towards others?

That's probably just because you're feeling hate in general and whatever you think of you end up hating.

I know it sounds stupid, but gratefulness really helped me get a handle on my emotions. I just set an alarm on my watch everyday at the same time, and I just had to think of something I was grateful for. Big or small (grateful I'm alive, grateful for the coffee I'm having etc). Once you start thinking in terms of gratefulness and looking for it every now and then, then you start to see it in more places naturally as well.

 

[Manganiello]

I've never had hatred this bad. So I can't really give specific advice.

Just keep putting in the effort to get rid of it.

 

[Reservoir]

90% of my time is spent online

Spending the vast majority of your time sat in a chair consuming content is terrible for your mental health. Been there done that when I was younger.

You'll be in a constant state of feeling irritated because you're an addict on the verge of withdrawal the minute he stops looking at a youtube video or a reddit post.

 

[Vice]

but I live in a town w/ 6k people, that apparently 5% of which are my age people. I don't really live in a location where I can do that NOR am I generally, MOST OF THE TIME not interested in girls that much

Dude, pump the fucking brakes. You need to move the fuck out of your town as your number one priority. The rest of your post is irrelevant until you do so. Most of your challenges will resolve themselves once you're in a place with people your age and seeing attractive women on a daily basis to motivate you.

Sell all your shit and get the fuck out of there. Now. Almost of the shit you're doing to improve yourself will be appreciated or even on anyone's radar, which is going to make it difficult for you to appreciate any work you've done on yourself.

Leave. Sell your fucking truck or whatever, sell everything but childhood stuff and LEAVE.

 

[Vice]

I am seriously thinking about it lol. Right now, I live at my parents house due to covid restrictions + it's freaking cold and my apartment in my college town is freezing. However, you are completely right - at least my college town has about 20k people, which is NEARLY not enough to meet beautiful women daily. Like... Literally - our countrys whole college life is a joke compared to the stuff you get in other countries. We are SMALL, which means that every year there are about 100-150 new students. That's it. Keep in mind that at least half of those are guys, half of the girls (leaves about 50) are not single or not interested, maybe not even that pretty etc.

Make preparations to move out of your parents house the MICROSECOND COVID restrictions are relaxed. There will be underground parties and events in larger cities where you'll be able to meet new women. Either move to a large city new country (you can still work a large city in a small country) or somewhere else, I'm confident we can help you narrow it down once you do your own research.

So that's why i'm always confused when people keep talking about dating, meeting multiple girls every WEEK (not even every month lol) but it seems that it's normal in larger countries. I'm definitely thinking of getting a masters degree just because not having met girls during my college time. (like... I'm 26 and I'm still single, no girls ever, still a virgin.) even though I have been relatively social.

Tread with caution; getting a master's degree is a time and effort commitment that may not be worth it if one of your main goals is getting access to girls in college. There are better strategies for that.

AT THE SAME TIME - even if I DO live in a small country - how the fuck are other guys and girls in relationships, getting laid, hooking up etc.? Or am I just delusional? (even though I KNOW that girls do get laid, at least way more than I lol)

This is a very good question and I'm glad you asked. I've recently moved to a city and asked couples how they met, and it's frequently from high school. Meaning the guy took at the most four years to convey his personality before the girl opted to go out with him. These people have known each other for years through "built-in" social situations. Same thing happens with student athletes; when you're a student athlete, you get a "preprepared social circle". They are NOT putting in the same amount of effort like you are, and once they leave college and enter the real world, they will experience extreme difficulty meeting women since they spent their entire lives having social situations handed to them.

I suggest that you ask couples how they met to see for yourself, and you may also stumble upon a hidden social dynamic in your town that may provide an opportunity to meet new women. For example, in my new town I've moved to, asking that question has led me to find a few new bars/clubs/social groups that I would have never found online.

 

[jackBruh]

Good stuff dude. Keep it up

 

[jackBruh]

Read The Power of When to help with your sleep, it's eye opening

 

[jackBruh]

Should I visualize that "one day I will like a girl and she will like me back`? How? It seems like fantasizing about a unicorn - I don't feel like this person exists.

Your best bet is to probably start small, "people DO like me. I have friends who enjoy my company". Every time you think of something negative about it, just say that to yourself and internalise it. It'll eventually become a habit

 

[DNPTHC]

Getting away from red pill sites and off the internet in general m. (This forum included) is one of the best things you can do for your mental health.

I come back to check in from time to time to see how people are doing. However i compare it to a rear and side view mirror.

It’s best to check it briefly to make sure you’re not hitting a blind spot so to speak.

Good luck with your goals

 

[jackBruh]

I admit I've never been in as bad a spot as you. But I've been in some pretty dark places, depressed from about 14 to 21, even passively suicidal at one point. Best advice I can give is self acceptance. It's ok!! Your feelings are completely understandable, and a reaction of your environment. Just gotta take it one day at a time, you seem somewhat hopeful that you can change, which is all that you need.
Take it slow, your brain WILL change. It's made to. Small steps. If you currently have 7 100% bad days a week, then do small things to make them 90% bad. You're working out again? Awesome, that's one hour or so where you feel ok. Eventually that 90% will turn into 80%, then 70% and so on. Maybe you'll have a miracle and have one good day a week. Keep it up! Then you might have two, or even three.
But just remember, that you are who you are. You might not like it, but IT IS POSSIBLE TO CHANGE. You might not have improved as much as you wanted to, BUT THAT'S OKAY. And you have to tell yourself that.
Start a daily gratitude ritual with a calendar reminder/alarm. Just one good thought a day. Start with one, and work up.

You've got it

PS. I wasn't planning to, but I ended up doing shrooms one time and it really helped me, something you could try?

 

[dashedhopes]

What is BAD about me being nice? No shit I put my own needs before me - EVERY BODY does? Please help me.

Nothing. Tell em to fuck off if they say you're too nice then.

Just don't be a bitch and let people walk all over you. No one needs to be a dick in order to succeed in life.

What can I do to change myself? PLEASE. I sound like a broken record for over a YEAR now. Please, I beg you. Anyone. Talking to girls doesn't help.
I already put up web blockers, this DOES help, but it still doesn't fix anything.

Create small goals and do them. Start eating more per day, might even make you feel a bit better cause it seems like you don't eat enough. Get your veggies in (actually helps my mental health). If I go a few days without veggies and then I have some veggies, I feel a lot better so I ensure this is a priority each day.

Celebrate your rewards and be grateful like Jack said. He mentioned some great gratitude stuff.

How do I feel LOVE? How do I start feeling LOVE towards girls? Please. A person should NOT live without love. I can't get therapy due to covid.
How is suicide NOT a valid option for guys like me? (I WONT DO IT). How do I fix this?

Edit:
Also, why is the thought of sex so repulsive? Why does it make me angry? Why does anything animalistic make me so frustrated? Why do people WANT to do that?
Why don't people want a proper, wholesome relationship? Both men and women? WHY do guys want to be so dominant? How does it make you feel? Good? WHY?
What does this feeling feel like? is it... Happiness? Joy? Just... Power? I don't get it.

How do I start feeling LOVED by girls?

Are you a virgin?

I feel like any dude that has had sex and shared a real bond with a woman they wouldn't be saying this stuff.

I don't have that much experience with dislike or hating women or why guys do this? Maybe they were hurt by a female at some point and don't trust them?

Why do you hate sex? Is it because you're not having any? Because girls won't have it with you?

You can do something about this. We were all losers that didn't have sex at some point and switched it around and you can too.

Depression sucks man. Sorry that you're going through that. But you gotta take more action and work towards being better and feeling better.

I've been so down in the past and systematically over time, I've added/eliminated things from my life (alcohol, supplements, drugs, video games etc...) and feel much better than I used to.

I either add or subtract something from my life and see if it helps me.

Things like alcohol and drugs have a very negative effect on my mental health so I don't do them anymore. (minus some psychedelics from time to time cause they're less severe)

Certain supplements like 5-HTP, NAC and Kratom have a very positive effect and very little downside, which I utilize to help me when I'm down.

Write down what you want in life and then outline how you would achieve these then break those things into small goals in order to achieve them.

Then get started. Get hungry and strive for it every day.

Hope any of this helps.

 

[dashedhopes]

I really don't know. It's mostly because I had a culture shock when coming to college - I didn't know that people want sex that much, I didn't know that people actually enjoy sex more than love, I didn't know girls want to be fucked etc. The girls in my class (hs) had very similar problems to guys - we wanted relationships, but mostly couldn't find a suitable person. It's like once I got into college, I realized that people are way more animalistic than I am. Girls HAVE wanted to "seduce" me etc., but it's in a sexual way, not in a wholesome way as in "you're actually a decent person" etc. I have absolutely no idea why I've made sex this negative thing in my mind.

It's like animalistic = sexual = gruesome = evil = what bad boys/fucbois get = what I have no intrinsic want to be, what makes me feel good vs humane = romantic = wholesome = good = what decent people want = what I actually want to be like and what makes me feel good,

The only chances I've had with girls were girls who wanted to cheat on their boyfriends w/ me. No shit I get this negative attitude towards women.
I WANT women to WANT wholesome shit, because I ACTUALLY like being "beta", but for some reason evolution or culture just... Doesn't work that way.

I feel like I'm placating to your feelings and thoughts and it usually fuels people like you.

So I'm done doing that. You need to do shit.

Some people like casual sex some don't that's not crazy.

What I want in life?

1) One, average looking, maybe 5-6/10 looking preferably virgin girlfriend (probably impossible)
2) Doesn't intrinsically like sexuality that much, doesn't think of sex as this "beautiful thing" and is mostly sexually repulsed
3) Is intrinsically attracted to "humane" values like virtue, calmness etc.

Yea it's not going to happen dude.

And likely this is just going to make you more resentful later.

You legit need to just get laid so you can have some realistic thoughts about this shit.

Honestly, stop thinking about the world in these ways. It's like poison for your mind and you're not going to change anything. Literally never...

Accept that and move on.

Try to get laid, cause that's the first step to finding someone that you'll truly love and have as your girlfriend.

End of story.

Please don't respond with a bunch of weird shit about how you can't do this and write me a wall of text.

You need to get laid and kill these thoughts you have.

Cause right now, you're just some weird incel loser and you think it's normal for some reason.

 

[Wifty]

A man is at point A and wants to get at point Z. He says he really wants to.
He tried everything from B to V.
Didn't work.

He still has a few options left.
One of these options is Y.


He complains he can't get to Z.

He asks people for support and guidance.


Eventhough other people can't be sure of the right way to go, they still, according to logic, suggest him to go from Y.


What the man does ?


He Will go on and on again through B to V and come back and say the same things over and over.
That He wants Z.


Sure He learned a few things along the way, New things, New perspectives, but Nothing anywhere like Z.


Now the man a little more courageous goes through W.
Still didn't work.

Again the suggestion is Through Y.
Still He doesn't get it.





Bro, congrats for your efforts and your progress. I mean it.
Though, one more time.
Whilst this may not be what you are looking for, why wouldn't you Finally and once and for all go and concretely hit on girls, or do the AA PROGRAM, or maximize your social freedom to discover wether or not it would produce for you acceptable and enjoyable results.?

Because once again, you are talking about something which you didn't even touch.
That makes no sense at all.



I say this with Love.

Be brave.