Got another lay off hinge, the quality here has been much better - tinder seems like a shithole by comparison.
I ran out of gas again on the apps as I don't enjoy messaging in general but this girl sent me a like and had a picture of her ass in her bio which motivated me lol.
Had a good time, personality wise she's a typical zoomer and I kind of cut off the conversation to just start making out.
General woman stuff:
All but three of my lays from online have basically been me getting invited straight to theirs.
I don't feel any emotional connection from protected sex.
If I'm just looking for sex I prefer just running the templates and playing the numbers.
I wore protection to honour my agreement with M which I'm pleased with.
There was no real excitement, just felt hedonism, like eating a burger.
My sexuality has changed to where I get a massive surge of positive emotions from the act of overwhelming and almost dominating a woman I care about and seeing what a great experience we're sharing. Highlights so far have been from stripper girl calling me daddy kicking me off her to squirt across the room and M chain squirting and saying 'please fuck me, fuck I'm yours.'
These experiences actually made me feel a duty of care towards these woman.
I feel that men and women are very different in that women have a desire to be led and if not commanded, shown a positive direction they can go.
At the same time I think I have been looking for something from women that was actually something I was looking for from God. That is to say unconditional love.
(I've been listening to Ye, made friends with an imman and have had a lot of time at work to think about the journey so far so my views might change)
I don't know if sex without a mind to build something is really fair to women. I don't want to go around creating childless mid-30s cat ladys so I don't know if this is the right place to post 'find a wife, build a family' type goals.
I no longer judge women for being 'hoes' because I have done the same. But also don't think those type of women will make good long term partners to try and actually build something with.
With this in mind I'm resolved to building deeper and more meaningful relationships with women. I don't feel like I have the bandwidth to do this outside of monogamy.
Business:
My ourchases are complete, feels good to have made enough money from gutters to level up to roof cleaning. Hopefully it will all arrive tm and I'll go to my parents to clean their roof as the first one. At that point I'll be able to offer a high-paying service and I can actually sell shit now too which is fucking fantastic.
Grateful for everyone who posts here as we generally figure life shit out and sprial upwards. Coaxhing, the adventure of moving to a city has massively changed me as a person and I'm looking forwards to starting a new and more ambitious chapter.