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Lusty's 5'4 fat to fit looking for love log

93.8kg again, I feel like my fat loss as slowed slightly.

On the health side my skin has been playing up a little in terms of my Psoriasis, it actually got better when I was away and now a little worse, I think I need to experiment with changing up some stuff I have here that I didn't have when I was away or maybe it could have been that when I was at the Grand Prix I got a lot of sun in the afternoon vs I am in doors a lot here so I need to get out into the sun more.
I do have a few sort of low calorie/calorie free things to help manage my hunger a little which were originally placed as a bridge for sugar cravings but I think it is time to cut them down which is sugar free jelly I make with extra collagen proteins then I also suck on these sugar free vitamin C tablets which are like sweet orange but I think the sulfides and the fact I have too much of them might be part of the skin trigger so I will focus on getting these down first as I built a bit of a bad habit around sort of abusing it and rationalising high dose vitamin C is good when really on a carnivore diet vitamin C needs is in the nano grams and I am here sucking on like 5g of vitamin C tablets like an idiot haha.

My bench press progress seems to be coming along nicely pushed 80kg for 4 sets yesterday, three sets at 6 reps and the last set I hit 7reps with out too much issue on the right shoulder which is a good sign.

I got myself some smaller sized black t-shirts no more XL t shirts for me I got a couple plain black L and M shirts they were $8 each and I had a $200 gift card I need to use up so I put $48 worth of new T-shirts through to wear on a night out and I put all my XL t shirts in my gym pile.

Also have a coaching call with my coach that helped me out quite a while ago to just get a little tune up and run through some stuff around just my feelings of lack of productivity and avoidance with work stuff and the excessive porn use.
 
93.5kg rest day yesterday ran short on time between my last meeting and my mate wanting to take some photos of me.

Mistake I made because I was rushing and not thinking is I had my one meal for the day just before my shoot which made me feel a little heavy but there is always next time.

Few shoot locations we wanted were quite busy with people, sort of dumb timing with lot's of people knocking off early Friday and doing drinks and events as the weather was amazing.

Took photos in front of a Government building and got told off by security for standing over 1 line but if I stood 2 steps forward it was fine, then I pointed out some asian's taking photos right up against the building on their phones and apparently because they look like tourists and using a phone its ok but because we had a camera we looked like professionals and needed to get permission from the media office.

Reviewing the photos I will post here the ones we edit and adjust as they are just raw form right now but I will crop some as I wasn't super super happy with how my clothing sat still looking a little big in some but one looked pretty decent full body.

The shots I took were:
- Me sitting by my rooftop pool reading my mate's book "best she ever had"
- Me looking at my camera in front of Parliament House (was lit up in teal and had some tungsten lights good for an orange teal look)
- Me walking down white spiral stairs with a red carpet at a high-end hotel
- Me filming a video on my balcony with the city views and lit-up bridge in the background

So should have 4 new photos to run that are done properly and my mate who took them seems to know a bit about photoshop and lightroom so I am excited to see how they turn out.


Also to mention had a great session with my coach, it's pretty cool to have someone who has gone through a massive journey with me so knows me super deeply but also is an amazing and experienced coach to just go, this is so you, this and this, have you thought of this, when you sink into this what have you pushed into your shadow, so it just linked up a lot of things and he is like dude you are doing amazing and stepping into like a new level and responsibility so that's where all the porn, stress, productivity was coming from as my default when things seem to move quick is to try and slow things down through procrastination, porn and escaping.

I also didn't realise moving into purchasing this property the brain sort of can disregard that sure I have a loan against it but this deal is what is bringing my asset position from the 6 figure mark to then 7 figure mark, so now sitting with the energy of being a millionaire. Then having more responsibilities within the business, getting more exposure in my personal and business branding from the virial tiktok I was on, to being in more media articles, I was on the front page of Yahoo finance the other day. Having people look up to me, calling me an expert from seeing my content and stuff which feels like more pressure and responsibility.

It's the weird thing of these are the things I want and the direction I want to go but it is actually happening and my brain/emotions can't keep up or are freaking out with how I am actually stepping into this stuff as there is a huge unknown on the other side so my freak out is to try and slow things down to what is known on this side leading to a little self sabotage and procrastination.

SO my tools to go back to with this is to journal all the things causing me stress and get it out, then also to get a little more organised with projects I am working on, from various work projects I am managing to also self improvement and life to get it out of my head and on paper to reduce the over stress, overwhelm and burdens I am placing on myself
 
93.0kg pretty happy with the weight moving again.

Training is going pretty well, left knee is giving me a little annoyance but my deadlift performance was quite good I found, using my lifting belt I did a much cleaner 170kg pull, I think 180kg (my old PR) is on the cards soon.

Dating side of things I realised two weeks or more in a row now I have a resistance to going out at night, not sure if it is a deeper anxiety I developed, fear or rejection or just with everything else going on if I am beyond my capacity emotionally.

I do know I have been burning a little willpower with the diet stuff just because I have been getting some slightly higher cravings as I have been trying to reduce and let go of the fake sugars, but have them in there if I need something to get me through the night, so last night because I think from the energy expenditure of doing deadlifts I was feeling slightly hungrier so I used some sugar free jelly + a bottle of sugar free coke to get me across to the next day, but I think that could have played into me not going out, or there was also an emotional anxiety spike from going out that contributed to the unease and wanting to eat more from my patterns of emotional eating.

I need to find a way to reduce my stress/actively rest as my current strategies on my days off are not letting me be more refreshed and I think it might be something where I need to take more action in terms of what I mentioned earlier about getting things out of my head and organised to let it out rather than pushing it down and escaping reality then feeling this burden of a lot of shit I need to get done and feeling more behind and stressed out.

Then I am also going to do some journalling exercises around my beliefs/emotions on things like dating as I feel the not going out at night is just some emotional blocks that once I bring some awareness and just vent to the paper will shift.

My notes on this if anyone else want to copy is below

Code: 
Write down all insecurities, fears, doubts around myself and women
Eg I am scared of getting rejected
I am overthinking infront of women
I tend to no be able to be myself when I am with a woman fear of losing attraction
I feel so not good enough infront of a woman
I don't feel like I deserve a woman

Then expand on each insecurity and fear
Ask yourself "what does it mean about me" What is the meaning I am making

I am scared of getting rejected
What does it mean about me to get rejected?
I am not going to feel good enough, I am going to be lonely

What does it mean for me to not feel good enough for my ideal woman?


Then once you have felt all of this (GO SLOW)
SHIFT IT >
Is that ultimately true?

EG answer No

Then re-write this new belief about the possibility of something else

EG fear of getting rejected, means I am not good enough, this is not true
NEW Belief = she rejected me because it was not meant to be, the chemistry wasn't right, wasn't good for us
 
93.0kg, had a great high-intensity shoulder and arm session yesterday.

So I have added the new photos to my profile with no profile reset so the initial boost thing or whatever has not shown up but I did get 2 matches with girls I had swiped on so I think they are helping. I still have not installed Tinder as it is one of the apps that is much harder to reset, I could put it on my tablet with that data sim phone number and IP address, but also I cbf with a different Google Play Store profile and stuff on there.

Went on a date with a slightly older Asian women, wasn't feeling like having sex or anything because my skin is just flaring up at the moment, so I went for a walk with her and was good because it got me out in the sun which helps with my skin condition. Spoke heaps of sexual stuff so went well and then she had to pick up her daughter and was saying sorry because she was trying to extend her friend looking after her so she could go back to mine but worked out for me because I had not showered after gym or anything. It also served as a good belief buster in terms of I had no showered and I was in bum gym clothes and she was super attracted to me as I usually use that as an excuse not to approach when I am walking around getting a coffee or going to gym.

The journaling above I posted I also sent to my coach to review and he said make sure to really feel into the emotion rather than skipping really feeling it before reframing it otherwise it is just shoving it down rather than healing. So I will focus sometime feeling into various things and journalling this week, I wrote a list of stuff relating to dating, but I also have a few that I need to do in terms of Money, life responsibilities, Family dynamics but I will take it slow and right now I am doing dating first as I sort of feel the most stuck with that in terms of yeah the business is causing me a little stress as I have a lot going on but I can manage it and lean on staff where as my dating stuff other than getting new photos I have stopped or feel a little blocked.
 
92.8kg consistently able to do 3 sets of 3 reps of pull-ups (chin just over the bar is that a chin up either way I can lift my bodyweight 3 times in a row) now and then a few sets of 2's to get 15 total pull-ups.

I have had a few women who are friends really like my latest photoshoot, I think for the staircase shoot I will grab one of my suits and redo it in more formal clothing when I am leaner as I really like it and so do a lot of others.

I realised I can be super hard on myself, I had a really great chat with a close friend who is one of the most well-rounded people I know, so many people I meet are super one-dimensional in terms of having something amazing they excel at but absolutely suffer in other areas. A huge example of this is my Father who is great with business and money but then when it comes to his health and emotional development/inner peace he isn't a great role model.

I did notice with a lot of mentors this sort of pattern, even my coach who I reached out to I felt just a little like something was missing and as I was chatting to my friend who also had the same coach along his journey he is like dude that's why that coach doesn't keep you in forever and graduated you, sure you had a little tune up on the emotional stuff which he is an absolute boss at but everything else you are doing in your life you are doing way better than you think and you are outshining that coach in your health and finances hence why you likely felt a little incomplete from the coaching session. This is no means to judge or say that the coaching wasn't worth it, or even the last session was bad, the advice and emotional work was incredible to just nudge me back on track.

Also was good to hear from my mate just re iterating how he just focuses on 1% better, a lot of what he was saying is also similar to what Andy says on his podcast, so part of it all I feel for me now is just becoming more and more well rounded.

I noticed this pattern in a lot of people, a lot of excellent and amazing people and I was doing it myself, then judging myself for not being the combination of all the positives from multiple people so putting so much pressure on myself.

I know it's not the easiest thing to be super well rounded in every area, and I know from the past I have let certain parts of my life fall as I focused in hard and excelled in other areas, but my mate was saying to just focus on having a baseline non negotiable on these areas that may not be the 100% focus to not let them slip as I focus on what the main goal is that week. With this though I feel like I just need to slowly build up a discipline 1% at a time, my friend said the biggest thing for him was discipline when there was shit he knew he had to get done and didn't want to do it, he started just doing it 1% better each time over the years hence why he can just choose to do the hard things consistently now which allows him to appear more well rounded in so many areas but he said it's still not always the greatest feeling but he said he chooses to just do the thing he needs to get done, consistency of small things over time.

So yeah I think I am at the point of just trying to focus on balancing out myself, I know I am going hardcore with the diet and training right now which will be priority number 1, so then it is just about maintaining baselines on other areas and making small shifts.

So could look like

Main focus is health: Priority number 1: Stick to carnivore and train 5-6x per week, push hard on the training

Then side/balance minimums
Business: Edit and post 1 video per week, and get the minimum amount of client work out to stay within deadlines.
Inner work: meditate and journal daily, read 5mins per day
Relationships: Swipe on apps, go out one night per week do 1 approach
Investments: Just stick to the current savings and investment plan

So focus on keeping these minimums to not "slip back" into old habits, and as I go through things I can shift focus, for example when I get to my goal weight my health might be a minimum which would look like maintaining weight and training a minimum 4x per week. But then Dating could be the focus which could be something like Go out 2-3 nights per week, do 2-3 daygame sessions, do 1 photoshoot per month and purchase paid subscriptions on apps
 
92.4kg rest day yesterday had a super busy work day so I gave myself the day off to rest and recover so I can hit it hard today.

My new pink squat shoes came in the mail so I think I will do some squats today and see how I go with depth now that I can have a 2cm heel raise and proper wide toe box shoes to be a little more stable in.

Also the other thing I learnt the last few weeks is to just stick to the plan, I had a mild freak out here and there as much as I logically was trying to tell myself to chill, but after that rapid weight loss from being sick then my weight was hovering around the same thing I was like fuck this suck I have to push harder with the diet, be more hungry and so on but I also just stuck to what I was eating, and it has all worked out with the weight dropping back again, I know I am losing fat as my cloths and even my weight belt has been getting looser between when I first hit 95kg to even when I was 94.5kg because that rapid loss of whatever water, muscle bounced back and I traded fat for it. Now because of being consistent with my training again the weight is dropping and the lean mass/strength is remaining.

With the porn stuff I mentioned earlier I was watching a video from Dr K about not willpower through and then giving the brain pathways of what to do to get me to relapse as I have tried to willpower through for so long and never worked, he was saying to shift to times when I can use, so for this week it is limited to 2x per day and I am shifting my first thing in the morning to at least do my morning routine, make bed, go out, get coffee then allow it if the urge is there after, then the next one I will have for after gym. He explained the concept and psychology way better than what I can here, but it was more around stacking wins, very similar to what Andy says on his podcast as well but I liked the idea of giving a release type thing as I was struggling with multiple times per day so it sort of wasn't feasible for me to even do every second day, so right now it is ok cut down to 2x per day and shift the time back to when I can to build the momentum, then the next objective is to cut it to once per day after lunch time.

I actually felt pretty decent yesterday with work stuff, there was two tasks I was holding on my shoulders, I just got in and got them done and felt so much better, I need to work on the avoidance patterns of making things a big deal and setting a road block there when it wasn't that bad once I did it. I think the talk with my mate around choosing to do what needs to be done even if it is hard and just focus on 1% better helped a lot with this avoidant pattern. Also working on the avoidant pattern feeds into reduction of porn use too, I am good at making everything I need to work on connected and a little messy as if something is simple as A + B = C then I usually can work through it on my own super easy and quick, it is when I start over complicating things or add something into the equation like (A + B) * X = Y + Z, now figure out X,Y,Z haha
 
92.4kg, hit 100kg squat yesterday which is great, a new PR for back squat with no like help I have done 140kg on a safety bar with a box in the past.

Only issue is my patella tendon has flared up after the heavier squats so I need to take a little time off and do some of the exercises to strengthen the muscles that are not activating to help the knee cap track correctly, little annoying but I can work through it, lucky I am not pushing super hard to grow my legs.

I did notice that posting my training videos especially when I put in larger numbers like 170kg deadlift or 3 reps of 100kg squat I get really good story engagement and women messaging and commenting on my stuff, so I think as I get leaner too I will continue posting, I had a lot of guy friends going man you are looking so good keep it up, looking lean and strong and stuff as well.

I guess I am trying to become that well-rounded person I want to look up to, its the convo I had with my mate last night, sure I can learn from all these different people but I have been finding a lot of coaches and mentors I have worked with are a little off balance so I am focusing on becoming that person for me. I think then also just sharing that journey of authentic hard work in all aspects seems to resonate with a lot of people as well. It's just also a little emotional work with maintaining my hard work, and accepting where I am at, but then also the identity shift of the harder I work and move into this person who I want to be, having people look up to me feels great but is also scary emotionally as it is unknown so my psychology is to start trying to pump the brakes a little, so I think I am at the point of just pushing through, doing the emotional work, feeling more, meditating more, visualisations, and acceptance, I know as I get more and more popular online too, get into more articles I will build a cult following of lovers and haters.
 
91.9kg getting so close to under 90kg super happy with this!
Stacking wins hit two days in a row with PR's in the gym yesterday it was overhead press I did 60kg (132lb) for 3 reps, I filmed it and also then made a new reel/tiktok of my deadlift, squat and OHP along with some motivation quotes I did as a voice over.
Feel free to have a look and give me feedback on how to make it more viral if I do another one https://www.instagram.com/p/C55d-zMyX1U/

I also did my first daygame approach of the year in my city, I was walking around after gym, looking around seeing a few different women I could go up to and I pussied out, then I walked around to the camera shops looking for a mic attachment thing but they didn't have it, I was about to leave then I saw this super cute girl in a black dress so I thought fuck it I will go up to her, get in front of her and holly shit it is the hottest girl I have seen all day and the hottest girl I have ever approached in my city, and I was so rusty I was like full struggling to breathe and just said dumb stuff but I am happy I approached, I felt so much tension in my chest, my heart rate was going crazy but I felt so alive at the same time.

Another win is I am 2 videos ahead that are edited to post, and I posted that reel above this one is more personal branding not for the business but I am glad I got that out as well.

I noticed though on an emotional level there is still an element of either being hard on myself, or not feeling good enough because my mind is automatically going to the negatives and other pressures eg:
  • The negative limbs of it all that my brain produces is stuff like even my weight this morning it's like hmmm you were a little dehydrated it's not real fat loss you are not in the 91's oh the projections you made at your fat loss rate back in March you should be 90kg on the 24th of April which is 5 days away that means you have slowed down in weight loss and I know you have because when you were super motivated at the start you were doing 3-4 big walks at night now you don't blah blah.
  • My video only got 700 views compared to my last which got 2k therefore it wasn't good even though the video got a tonne of comments and views from friends and people messaging me with props sure
  • My new dating photos mean I am too ugly as I have not seen a massive increase in matches even though its likely from just changing photos on an already dead profile with no reset
  • I must suck at daygame and look too ugly, I shouldn't have approached in gym cloths, I should have had a backpack on, I am just wasting my time, when I legit only did 1 approach and the rest sure could give me minor improvements but the option is between no approaches and just sucking up that I can integrate approaching on the way to and from gym
  • I am super unproductive at work and get nothing done because I have some clients jumping up and down wanting their stuff on unrealistic deadlines, sure there is an element of truth I have been wanting to get more done but in the scheme of things I have a lot going on and I am grateful we are super busy and flat out it means there is a successful business with clients, along with a feeling of needing to make more money because banks are doing my head in and another bet/goal where I have under 2 years now to add 700k of revenue

I know logically a lot of the above isn't true but it comes back to doing the deeper emotional work of feeling each then rewriting the story and I guess there is also learning lessons in the above like:
If I recalculate I should hit 90kg on the 2nd of March which is like 1 week off my target lol but it also was me making the assumption in chatGPT hey I have lost this much weight since x date if I keep going project when I will weight x so I thought I would be more realistic and say ok re write these based on if I lose a reducing amount of weight after each milestone which is more realistic to lose less weight as I get leaner and closer to my goal, I asked chatGPT to re do my dates with a reducing amount of weight loss at each milestone it said
  • You will hit 90kg on 02 May 2024.
  • You will hit 80kg on 28 July 2024.
  • You will hit 75kg on 25 September 2024.
  • You will hit 70kg on 21 December 2024.
Annoying because my goal weight is now at the end of the year, but also more realistic and manages expectations better, also I am lucky this carnivore diet is pretty simple and enjoyable 5 months in so I can easily keep at it for other 6-7 months.

I am doing well with the videos, I am putting in the reps to make my content better, figuring out what my audience loves, and finding my authentic voice and style and the more I post the more eyes I am getting. I have legit gone from posting nothing to consistently posting at least 1 video a week on average for over 6 months.

I don't suck at daygame, I did only one approach lol never expect the first approach to go well and you like approached the hottest girl you had seen in like over a week, relax, focus on relaxation and use this as momentum to keep approaching and going.

My new dating photos are great, with the weight loss and new cloths as I get leaner I will get even better, my online dating profiles were already dead from the algorithm

Sure I can get more work stuff done, but I am juggling so many things and trying to be well rounded, I am directing a good team, and I just need to set slightly lower expectations to the clients and just let them know things take time, realise that I am valuable and my time is even if it is something I find easy, don't expect clients to but take the time to explain it whilst charging them for it.
 
91.6kg training went well yesterday did some trap bar deadlifts at 180kg for 3 reps so I know 180kg deadlift is defs on the cards which is my old PR.

Lay #78 from hinge

Was chatting to a girl on hinge, after a few messages she asks me if the photo of me with the book "best she ever had" was a prop for dating profile or if I actually read it. I explained it was my best friends book and I am actually in it, then said you seem cool lets hang out I am not looking for anything serious and she said oh good I am not looking for anything serious either. Got her on snap, was chatting a little she had plans for a day drinking session thing with her friend, I was like swing past mine after, she said cool. I got a little oh hey its still early you want to go get a drink or something first, I just played it off as yeah that's totally fine we can do that I am just finishing off some work and about to jump in the shower just get an uber to mine and we will will go out after my apartment is x.
So she came over, I invited in, told her to take her shoes off and then offered her a water and told her to sit on the couch. Chatted a little then things got pretty sexual, to the point we ended up in the bedroom and she was begging me to put it in. To be a little cheeky I said oh shit didn't you want to get a drink first? Maybe I should put my cloths on so we can go get a drink, shes like noooo put it in meeeee hahaha so I laughed and went hard.
Good fun, looks like the new photos are helping, she was a little chubby though so I definitely need to shift gears so I bought HingeX for 3 months see how we go.

Also went out Friday and Saturday nights with my mate who is really good at night and social circle stuff before he goes back to work next week. I had not been out in ages so managed 2 approaches the first night, they went sort of ehh. Second night did maybe 4-5 approaches and got the Instagram of this stunning brunette with big boobs on a tiny fit body which I was like god damn, she was chatting to her friend I went up to them and just complimented her, she is like aww thanks just like you picked the worst timing I am having it out with my friend about something important, I was just like yeah that's cool I get that, I don't want to take you away from that, when you are not in that I am taking you out so we can get to know each other better whats your IG so I got her IG haha now I guess we rely on my IG being fairly decent in terms of following and posting a lot of reels and lately a bit of gym content as well I made a reel with heavy links listed above.

Also talking about gym I made a new photo from a screen capture on one of my videos which I am running on my dating profiles see if it looks any good, I had my first vein pop on my bicep most likely from having 180kg in my hands
 
91.3kg let's go! Getting super close to fucking off the 90's and getting into the 80's whoo hoo, will be awesome to get to 90kg then pull 180kg deadlift as it will be 2x my bodyweight then I can continue working on building my deadlift to 200+ ultimately a good goal with deadlifts would be to get to my goal weight of 70kg and then pull a 210kg deadlift would mean 3x bodyweight which is pretty epic goal to move towards for me.

I also decided to spend money on HingeX 3 months for $145, fuck I should have done this earlier, here I was thinking my photos sucked, but I upgraded to HingeX and maybe put out 30-40 likes and got 10 matches already.
So see how we go, the photo above I added to my online dating.

I also changed up my IG a little and took all my business reels off my profile grid, I will leave them there for a few weeks then hide them into my reels tab from now on as I start getting some more of the photos I took for my online profiles posted to IG

I am still working on the balance of everything I am feeling exhausted today but I do feel like I did quite well last week in terms of working towards my goals and shifting my lifestyle to where I want to be, I am just being cautious of the sustainability where I don't want to see it as last week was a push week and now I am fucked for 2-3 weeks to recover as I do have a lot of meetings tomorrow. Good news is Thursday and Friday are technically office shut days, so I can do some light work and relax on these two days but the negative is I am here on Monday feeling tired with a massive work load to push through so I will just do my best.
 
91.8kg bf% down, my weight belt was too loose to do RDLs yesterday so had to wear my hoodie because the gym receptionist couldn't locate a screwdriver for me haha so I have lost around my waist and gained strength which is insane considering how aggressive this weight loss phase has been but also because I was so fat and still am fat I think there is enough surpluses calories of fat in my body to keep the training progress so I will enjoy the process. I have also done like 16 days of gym in a row so I will be taking either today or Thursday off as a rest day.

Thursday and Friday I have off from work so I think I might try do some daygame or something, unsure about night game as my wing who is amazing is back working in the mines. Also got a couple of online dates sprinkled in.

I was reflecting with my amazing AC buddy yesterday on a check-in call shout out to Adrizzle for being such a fucking legend! That last week I actually went above and beyond my intentions/baseline and did a lot of good stuff but I need to allow myself to actually pull it back and be ok with this week being 1% better than my longer-term average, as if I try to one-up last week it could just lead to overwhelm, lack of rest, learned helplessness and lot's of self-criticism and judgement which I got stuck in the past, I guess sometimes comparison is the thief of joy (some quote idk who said it)
It is hard though as I want every week to be what last week was then add in things to make it even better, but I have done that 1,000 times before then ended up in a negative cycle, so I am quite happy I have picked this up in my awareness quite strongly and choosing to honour myself to rest and regroup.

I think this runs in parallel to my training and all the evidence-based youtube I have been watching (shout out RP strength) which makes sense when they talk about Meso cycles which can look like building something up for a few weeks, then peaking, then taking a deload a lot of variations to this but it made sense in my mind for a lot of things, ok I went super hard balls to the wall, I am exhausted now so let me honour that with a deload, I still do work, I still do the bare minimums but don't push it as hard to just allow for some recovery before going hard again so I don't burn myself out.
However I will admit I still went pretty hard at the gym yesterday but nothing under 8 reps so I will leave the peak lifts for another week.
 
91.4kg had a rest day from gym yesterday I think the first day off in 2 weeks of training, did some rehab stuff for my left knee but sort or made it a little sore again so will do the other exercises for it.

I did notice I got more work done, also had more back-to-back calls and stuff with my day off from gym which sort of in a way confirms what I thought prior that my work performance is down a little because I am pushing it hard in the gym and in a big deficit I didn't realise how that physical exertion crossed over so much with like the mental side of things.

I guess moving forward it is about fatigue management whilst also working on increasing my capacity, I know I have not spoken much on the porn stuff as that like I have many times has gone on the back burner in terms of I have been not exerting energy to reduce it and just allowed it to get a bunch of other stuff done but the paradox of it all is that it is also something that adds to fatigue so just got to work out this sort of round loop I created for myself.
 
90.9kg good shoulder workout yesterday hit 60kg for 3 reps again then did 120kg shrugs. Might train with my mate and go for a new deadlift PR today 182.5kg would also mean 2x my bodyweight.

Been pretty on top of things with content the past few days had a little creative streak and encouragement, I put a very short video together of the break down of how much tax you pay on 200k income and on my tiktok people started to argue in the comments making the views go from 600 to 6,000 so I might make a few more like that to trigger people.

Silly me went to film last night and I forgot I had left my camera on when doing the photoshoot with my mate for some of the photos to make it look real and in my head because I shot no video I didn't do my usual pull SD card and put it on charge so my camera had no battery last night but I did do 1 video to try rally some views called "do you have to pay tax as a sugar baby"
Going to have the reel title as "are you a sugar baby?" so many people will be like WTF and click on it I think
 
If I had to list our my perfect day yesterday was it or at least fucking close to it!
90.5kg

Yesterday went to the gym in the morning with a group of us who all used to train at the same gym before splitting off, my mate was like we are training deadlifts so I was thinking I will go to a PR, my other friend I had not seen in ages said got for 185kg not 182.5kg because he saw me make 160kg fly up. Had 6 people around me and I was wigging out a little getting in my head having 6 powerlifters and also the state champion powerlifter there, but I just went 100% effort and the 185kg flew up.

After I cooked myself a steak and my friend who did the dating photos came over because I wanted to help him with a session for his new business in doing videography for finance businesses, we continued on to a really nice hotel and got coffee together then back to mine for a while until my date was ready.

So my date came and we got a drink, I thought fuck it I had two whiskeys for the first time in months to celebrate my deadlift, we got along super well, so many similar things, so I took her back to mine, I sort of loved some of the hints she dropped even around her travel plans being like just letting them fall as they are as I have to be super organised and like telling people what to do in my work, so I sort of hinted hmm so you like when someone takes the lead and does things then said like how I organised the date where I just said this place this time be there type vibe she was like yeah that was hot. So on the way back to mine I just grabbed her hand and lead her back and it was on as soon as we got in my apartment, she took her jacket off and I was like holly fuck her body was like insane I actually got in my head and a bit nervous so I brought her out on the balcony and made out for a bit, went to the bathroom needed to pee, took some deep breaths then yeah it was honestly the best sex I have had in my life, just everything was on point, her body is honest one of the best I have ever been with I got so sweaty and I loved that she was like don't worry I like to get messy so we just went at it until we turned into a puddle for 4hrs straight. Lay #79 definitely one that I will not forget, and one when I am older I will be like yeah I remember that day fuck that was incredible.
 
90.5kg got 5 pull-ups done in a row new PR at this bodyweight for sure, then did a quick arm and side delt blast today.

So yesterday had a date come over, little bigger than her photos, had good chat made out and stuff but she was like yeah I like you too much if I sleep with you I don't want it to be a one night stand because that's how I categorize people so I was like cool but also found it amusing she drove 1hr20 to see me then 1hr20 to go back home.

Today was crazy, got up and edited 17 videos I had shot one big video for a creator platform someone I know is building they wanted a quick getting started video but I over delivered and sent them the first video and 16 FAQ style videos they loved it and want me to do a live QnA with one of their top creators which if they have a massive following will really boost me and my business.

Went and blasted a gym session out before meeting with a girl from bumble, she was way way hotter in person and cute, super submissive and just a nice nature a little quiet but was good both of us crazy into cars. Walked her back to mine, she was like I am not hooking up with you on the first day, I am not that kind and don't do that. I just pulled back was chill and said hey I get it, for me I won't judge you either way, I still want to see you again if we have sex or not you are cool and I like hanging with you and thank you for letting me know and telling me your boundary. Anyway I just went back to kissing, then pulled her hair and said I fucking hate how much you are turning me on, put hand between my legs, and she is like you are doing the same to me. Then before you know it shes asking me to take my pants off and went end up in our bedroom, her top was stuck so I ended up leaving it on, but went for another round and I got her top off which was hiding some amazing boobs so not only did she have a great booty but really nice boobs, great way to hit a nice round #80 so I did it with a creampie as she had that rod thing.
At the end of it I used my wand on her and made her squirt made a puddle in my bed but oh well, she wanted to have a shower then I had to give her a plastic bag for her panties because they were so wet she had to drive home with no panties, walked her to her car and she is like I am dripping down my leg.

So all the sheets were in the wash, so I was fucking around on Hinge, matched with some girl who was giving me shit saying I had a few things to learn about sex and she could teach me, so I was like yeah whatever when are you free next, shes like tonight, so I told her to come over, I jumped in the shower, got my sheets out of the dryer and she came over a little after. Chatted for a little, she was unfortunately unlike the last two girls I slept with which were way hotter than their photos she was a little bigger but I was like ehh fuck it do it for the two random girls in one day because I have done two girls one was a fuck buddy the other was new so this is the first two new girls in one night for me also it helped that she had big milky titties which I love and the last 5-6 girls I have slept with all had smaller/medium boobs. So I ended up getting to the bedroom with her and did my thing, learn a lot about some basics in sex from SQL, but didn't do anything crazy just was present, used voice sound and movement.
Afterwards she said omg that was the best I have ever been fucked, I asked her what she found so good about it was it just how hard I went and she said no it was the fact you made sounds, the dirty talk you said and the way you moved. Then I gave her shit about her messages saying so what was it that you wanted to teach me, and shes like nothing just do whatever you did again. So yeah was a fun way to go to #81

So yeah reflecting I am like fuck this week has been really good, I guess this is what feeling back to like my old self again is like, I just don't feel in this low energy stuckness state I was in for ages where it felt like nothing was working or going my way. Due to this I have had some fears pop up around oh shit it can only get worse or down hill but my mate really pulled me up and said mate it only gets better from here you are putting in all the groundwork and consistency from all the deep emotional work, the hard work in the gym, the business stuff and content, sure I have been far from perfect in a lot of them but I have been showing up consistently and putting in the work and it is all coming together, on Thursday I thought it is downhill from here, how can it get better, well today just shows it can and will get fucking better and better!! Lets FUCKING GO!
 
90.5kg 100kg squats and 60kg over head press yesterday, knee is holding up better than it was last time after squats so some of thew rehab exercises are working.

I must say things have been running well and I have noticed that although I am physically tired as today from the lack of sleep on the weekend my need for porn has like died off, sure out of some habits I went and looked at it, but I think from all the great sex I am just like in a habit looking at it then going I don't need this, this isn't as good as the real thing then I just switch it off and do something else. So I do feel the whole porn thing shifting on it's own as I think I have further satisfied what the porn was giving me. What also helped a lot was yesterday in the morning I got a coffee with one of my friends I had not seen in a while then after that went to gym with my gym buddy, got a coffee and hung out for a while after as well.

Social connection and great sex with lovely women I think is the key to letting go of this porn addiction patterns as I think they were serving me in the lack of romantic and friendly connections. Now just need to let go around the habit patterns and triggers to go look, because at the moment it is like go look, nothing too crazy to get my socks off whatever turn it off haha
 
90.1 so close to breaking into the 80's

Also hit another deadlift PR 190kg or 420lb but it was a lot harder than the 185 so I think I finally found my 1RM sure I could play around with 2.5kg added, I know if I went to the gym I pulled 185kg with the proper deadlift bar which has more flex I could eek out more but I don't think there is much point, time to reduce the load and get some volume in, technique improvements and regroup for the 200kg goal.

Video content has been going well one of my tiktoks is close to 50k views now first time I have had something really break out which is awesome, trying to balance controversy and professionalism is the hard part as creating controversy is great for views.

Got a few dates from online lined up tonight and tomorrow so see how that goes but I really need to try push myself into some in person interactions as I keep avoiding daygame approaches
 
89.8kg under 90kg lets fucking go 1 day after my projection of "You will hit 90kg on 02 May 2024."

Managed to get my Tiktok to blow up a little but I think replying to every comment with a video caused me to violate something because I am now shadow banned but shit happens

Did my second daygame approach of the year, a student from HongKong who looked hot as in this green dress from behind and one of the cutest asians I have ever approached, got her number so that was a big win today. I repeated a mantra I learnt as I was walking around after gym, the anxiety and stress I am feeling right now is more than welcome in my body, which helped me calm down.
 
89.0kg got to bed late and woke up late and slightly dehydrated hence the drop but I also am not complaining about being 89kg

Had an interesting thing I was experimenting with in my mind so I met this girl on Hinge, invited direct to the house to drink some sparkling water as she had some prompt on her profile, then as we were chatting she was talking about having drinks and stuff, so I went and got some vodka but I didn't really want to drop straight away that I was likely not going to drink, I sort of have not really felt drinking as last time after I had whiskey I my skin was feeling like it flared up not sure if it was the alcohol or a combo of other things. Anyway I had a random thought of her coming over because it was pretty obvious what for and see if I could just escelate quickly, so she walks into mine, get her to take her shoes off and I just say I think her outfit is cute and hold strong deep eye contact and get close to her and she starts making out with me. So I just keep going, pushed her away, then pull her back in and say look at what you are doing to me, give her a quick tour of the house, ending in the bedroom and went from there, was actually pretty hot and fun just skipping all the small talk and getting into it, she wasn't the skinniest girl but when a girl says curvy I in my mind she is what I would think like a little fat on her but mainly around her booty and boobs.
so that's #82 which was fun. Then she walked home to go have some dinner her roommate made her.

After that some random girl I randomly added on snapchat wanted to get a drink, she is from overseas and I think wanted to hang out and and improve her english, so I was like fuck it she is hot, managed to convince her to come to mine, she wanted some beers so I bought a 6 pack, we had chatted and I had already told her I don't drink so didn't have to worry about that, turns out she is in a relationship with a sugar daddy so was pretty funny and she wouldn't do anything sexual with me but was funny because we were talking about random shit and she wanted to see my dick, I was a little thrown off but I showed her if she showed me her boobs, omg she legit had some of the best boobs I have seen, she was super small and these massive perky boobs, god bless Arabic women, anyway gave her a little cuddle and she took an Uber home at almost 3am when she was like I can only stay until midnight so might be something there if we catch up again or something goes down with her current sugar daddy, but I had a weird vibe from what she was saying that it seemed like she was sussing me out in terms of swinging from him to me because she sort of asked in a round about way if I would off something like that, I just said not my thing plenty of women I can date and see, but if I like someone and get along with them I do like to take them along for experiences like going to a nice steak place or staying in a nice hotel/travelling somewhere which is true on an internal note here she was really attractive and I would for a fun experience burn some of my like half a million frequent flyer points on 2 biz class flights overseas then stay at a nice Hilton to make use of my perks and then I can sort of do the super luxury on a budget trip and enjoy it with someone.
 
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I'm back from Melbourne

87.5kg and got two solid workouts in Melbourne done. Surprised a little with the weight drop as I felt like I ate more in Melbourne than I usually do here but then again I might have been more active and also the cold weather increased calorie burn trying to keep myself warm perhaps.

Feeling a little sick though from the long conference days and a house party I went to but was worth it for business and also social connections as a few of the people there are in the social media/event host space.

The annoying part of the travel and being a little sick is May 15th is a huge deadline to get a bunch of work done and tomorrow I have back to back meetings so this week will be fun but I am sure I will make it through.
 
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