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Noself’s AA Program Log Day 46: Milestone Day

Day 45a: GROUP HI-FIVES
Total: 3 girls (3/12 girls)
Sick of this hi-five shit honestly, it is getting really old but alas this is Day 45, I felt really good getting up today to do this drill. The plan was to complete this day today, that was the plan, but it did not come into fruition. Fuck man honestly so frustrated to not get this day done today, my confidence was really high before the drills, but the drill itself honestly shattered it. So many attempts, so many but only 3 reps, fuck, it is like pulling teeth or shitting the contents of a Memorial Day BBQ. My vibe must just be shitty, I know my voice can be threatening I suppose but man it does take a lot of energy for me to appear friendly and extroverted. I know this is going to sound like a lot of bitching, and it is but fuck man today was brutal. Just humbling all around, 1 day before Day 46? You're so close huh? Nope you still will have to fucking work for this, no freebies, this is fucking war and the only way is through. As for the day itself, a lot of rejections were due to "COVID, germs, air-fives, and fist-bumps (I did not count these)." Tried to do a lot of convincing today by staying in there after the initial ask where I just say "Ayo hi-five" but still no avail. It is really fucking hard to stop girls that are walking towards you (the whole group) then ask for the hi-five plus the rest of the drill. It is way easier on stationary groups, I had multiple gaps of no approaches even taking a long break for food because I was so fucking drained mentally. The 3 successful reps were on girls that shockingly followed along with the drill, a group of 3 in a Spencer's for the first rep, then a group of 3 in a Forever 21 for the second rep, and finally a duo in a Tilly's. The first attempt was on an older woman who seemed just pissed off with life, she told me no so sternly about 3 or 4 times, I think I just said she is no fun and said nice jacket. God damn I really can't remember the other attempts, I tried to do the drill for about 3 hours and left just mentally fucking exhausted and drained from being so frustrated because of it being the 2nd to last day. I just have to be grateful for the reps that I did get, we are still moving at least and that's all that matters but still a brutal day.

https://youtu.be/wBVWyWeawfY
 
Day 45b,c: GROUP HI-FIVES
Total: 9 girls (12/12 girls)
Day was spanned over 3 days, couldn’t find a lot of groups nearby locally so I had to mall-hop. For some reason this was one of the more harder hi-fives for me, before this day I would just go up and “yo, hi-five” but a lot girls would blow me off completely (good exposure therapy but compared to others logs I had to question my energy) so I would change it up slightly by saying “Ayo can I get a hi-give?” which I guessed eased the tension for them. It worked and I found myself getting the proper reps in, I did some drills in the streets late in the evening and got about 6 during that session but decided to cut it off early so it wouldn’t become easier if the girls started to get buzzed from a nearby bar. It’s Day 45, I got turned down quite a lot, I fucked with a girl and started to fake cry after she said no about 3 times as they were about to cross the street. But one of the most notable interactions happened in the program on this day, for an attempt at the rep of the whole I approached 2 girls and asked for the hi-five, initially asked why, but then complied. Said the “you guys are cute, I’m _____” then I asked for the handshake on the taller girl. She said no a couple of times then I started to really push for it saying to her “I will literally leave your life so fast if you give me a handshake.” She then started to say “you’re getting on my fucking nerves”, “you really bugg’n”, “get out of my face.” I kept pushing for like a minute then decided to stop after she said “bruh I’m really about to smack you right now”, then I kindly said “y’all have a nice day. I assume they were a married lesbian couple as she was clearly a girl but not as feminine as the other. I decided to fuck with them again by walking past them in the middle of the mall, then waving at them as they walked by, I smiled and said “Hey y’all.” The angry girl then said “you need a life.” What a interaction but I’m glad it happened I didn’t want to go through this feeling unscathed as the bad reactions have been quite, sure I’ve had girls thought I had a weapon, curse me out in the middle of the mall saying I’m a creep, and managers almost trying to kick me out, but this is a reaction I’m glad to add to the belt.

https://youtu.be/2hacfx9Xp80
 
Day 46: MILESTONE DAY
Total: 26/27 girls?? (24/24 girls)(0 challenges)
I completed the program, I’ve finished it, I’m at a loss for words. I was getting emotional today man after the 11th, 12th rep, almost bursting into fucking tears man. But we did it, as for the day, really easy compared to anything else this week, this where all the practice comes in, I completed the drill in 3 hours on a time crunch because malls and stores were closing. I even started to develop pain in the bottom of my foot because I was walking so fucking much. I tried to the challenge on the last girl and she held my hand for the whole fucking drill as I asked “So what are you up to today” she wouldn’t let go of my fucking hand like we held hands in this awkward manner spinning around for like a good 45secs-1 minute, then I got tired of it and said “You’re just letting me grab your hand like this?” And she said “I was wondering when you were going to let go” then I said fuck it and left, I don’t know if I should could this as a proper challenge rep. I did one approach on a girl waiting to get her food by a restaurant in the food court, there was a table of guys and girls that were just staring a me laughing and guys working at a shoe stand that was looking at the girl before I walked up to her, I just wanted to show my nuts honestly to them, saying to myself “They should watch this” the girl was probably some type of Instagram model. I botched the line and forgot to say my name as she said “I’m not from around here”, but still was a funny moment from the day.

This is by far the hardest thing I’ve done in my life, many people will look at this program and will be like oh you’re just talking to girls but man oh man you just don’t know. The program was obviously about expanding your options and indirectly developing your confidence but it was also a life-changing experience that expanded my mind by allowing me to see that the rules we create socially are kind of bullshit. People just follow rules that other people say they should do, and that works sometimes but they can also confine you from what you really want to accomplish in life. The program also humiliated me, which I needed honestly, I have this God complex where I think I’m better than people sometimes but for my pursuit in art I have to always keep that beginner’s mind and make mistakes in front of people to learn. You can’t describe the change in world view that you have when you complete the program, you start to truly see that human social life is just a mass hallucination and that you can control this hallucination yourself. It’s not something that is a certificate or worthy of praise from other people (normies) but it’s something I’m proud of completing because I ran to my fears. I went through so much stress, foot pain, anxiety and nausea, just to finish this program and we did it.

Thanks KillYourInnerLoser for creating this website to help other guys with their lives, Manganiello for the support, ninjaboynaru Crimson CainGettingLaid offwego isomar1998 iceneon SpongeBob for pushing me to get through the drills/support on this forum.

https://youtu.be/RJEPUxe5cdE
 
Wow, man. I'm so happy for you. I really am. Reading your post kind of makes me feel a sense of shame for slacking off in my drills but also inspires me a bit.
Thank You
 
Big Congrats man.

Many people start. Few finish.

I best this program a year ago, but I still reflect on it.

Noself said:
You can’t describe the change in world view that you have when you complete the program, you start to truly see that human social life is just a mass hallucination and that you can control this hallucination yourself.

Agree.

noself said:
your options and indirectly developing your confidence but it was also a life-changing experience that expanded my mind by allowing me to see that the rules we create socially are kind of bullshit. People just follow rules that other people say they should do, and that works sometimes but they can also confine you from what you really want to accomplish in life.

Ya man. Its astonishing just how free you really are in life and it's weird that such a weird program like this is what shows that to you.

You can do/be whatever you want in life if you're willing to make the sacrifices.


This is a major accomplishment, I hope you cherish it. But also remember, this is literally step 1. Theres so much more to do.

And you'll soon realize Approach Anxiety is just one part of day game. There's also conversation anxiety, comparison and SMV confidence things you need to work through, and you still need to ask for numbers, and you still need to hit volume.

Lots left to do.

But definitely take a moment and thank yourself. This is a big W.
 
Day 28: NERD GLASSES
Total: 1 girl (1 challenge)(25??/16 girls)
Redid the challenge rep to practice my frame control in a very stressful situation as I felt like I caved in by just saying “glasses” instead of “nerd glasses” in the initial attempt. My mind was probably just trying to end the drill prematurely and it showed in that attempt. The girl just said “you’re done, you’re done” when I said the challenge, still the hardest rep of the program I believe, borderline creep status with that line.
 
You found day 28 harder than 26? I thought day 26 was the hardest in the entire program.

"Who is your daddy, and what does he do" and you have to start over if they interrupt you. I felt like a real creep that day.

Edit: congrats man.
 
Congrats on finishing the AA program, brother. Truly an amazing accomplishment and it’s something the average person will never understand. I still fondly remember my time doing the program and aways smile when I think about it. It was such a fun, exciting, and nerve racking time in my life. 100% worth it though. I felt like I could take over the world afterwards.

Welcome to the club.
 
Wooow that's epiccc bro. Good job. If you can do the AA program, other goals will be piece of cake. Good luck!
 
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