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On the path to a better self

You got this bro. If you ever need to vent or just wanna chat you can always reach out. I’ll send you my number via DM.
 
So much from your last two posts is incredibly relatable to me, the walking around feeling like a moron, being full of nice guy vibes, hating the feeling of not being good enough and not learning skills that you want to, but don't want to go through the process of sucking. I can think of so many things I've quit because I hated how bad I was at it in the beginning.

I know what it's like to get home and just think, why the fuck am I putting myself through this, and I think its important to have an answer to this or you will burn out. I want to fix my dating life because it's something I've wanted to get on track for just about as long as I can remember. Then I want to learn how to have fun going out along, and being more social, because I think the ability to have fun in any circumstance, and have fun doing whatever you want no matter who joins you is as close to a super power there is.

Find your why and let that get you through the bad days, that is at least what helps me keep going. Also learning to embrace the times I feel terrible, being able to think to yourself "this fucking hurts, but that's okay" has helped me get through the bad days.

You got this, just keep pushing and trying new things until something works, and if you put in the time and effort something will work.
 
Amazing realisations brother.

I also had these realisations in Jan, they were so confronting.

For you, this will be great - work through all of this.

This is progress

MAC
 
I'm always surprised that Andy has a podcast that hits home for every situation. This podcast was exactly something I needed to hear: https://theinnerwinnershow.com/be-hard-on-yourself-in-a-constructive-way-not-a-destructive-way-general/

I need to be wary of that. I need to become my best friend, and not my worst enemy. This'll definitively be a work in progress, but I will be kinder to myself, more positive. Because I want to bring positivity and good vibe to people, but if I keep putting myself down, how can I be a pillar for everyone else ? How can I expect to be loving toward other people if I don't love myself. And that was one of my goal at the beginning of the year, work on my self love. Guess I wasn't going on the right direction. I have to make the shift, I'm going to work on being more compassionate to myself, allowing me to suck big time. I should be proud to still have been out to the front line yesterday, that's already a win and a step on the right direction.

So why do I put myself through all of this ? The SPU, the improv classes, the meetups... Why do I want to be able to talk to anybody, anywhere, and give a good impression ? Because I genuinely love people. Underneath my fears, there's a deep desire to reach out and connect more, to bring more positivity to other people. I also, of course, love women and being around them. I want to develop the courage to be a giver, that's what I aim for. Give good experiences to people, become a solid man for my partner, to give her the masculinity she deserve so that she can express her femininity to me. Cold approach is, for me, not just about getting laid, it also represent freedom, it represents the ability to connect with strangers, to tap into the chaos of the universe to create something beautiful, some magical moments, where you and the girl just enjoy whatever happens. Don't know if it sounds cheesy, but that's kind of how I'd put it into words.

-----------------------

Went to the gym this morning. It felt really good after approx 2 months break. I tried this HIT training, one set to failure. And I have to say, I like it

Girl from tonight flaked, which was expected. Went to the center to try to cold approach.

Like a dumbass I ended on the Instagram of my ex. Saw some new pictures with her new BF. That shit stung as always. Was feeling bad but at the same time took the decision to not let myself drown from it. It lit a fire in me. I went to the center really motivated and I actually managed to get 1 in the bag. Said a girl that she was looking good in her dress and bailed. 1 in 1h. Better than nothing, tomorrow, we go again before my dance class.

Wednesday should have a date with the Ukrainian girl.

I feel like I don't know what I'm fucking doing, if I'm really going on the right direction, but we're pushing anyway.
 
SpongeBob said:
The past couple of weeks, I've made a realisation that is just painful to admit: I'm a coward. Most of my life has been lived in fear: fear of rejection, fear of commitment, fear of being vulnerable, fear of not being good enough, fear of embarrassing myself and so on... Now, fear is normal, fear can be healthy even, the issue is when you let fear regulate your life.
Click to expand...

Bit late but wow I related to this post so much and empathise with a lot of what you are saying. Excited to follow this log closely. I relate to the not posting failures on here thing because I'm the exact same, my log is a sporadic mess.

Yet I can say honestly from reading other peoples logs whenever they've failed or had a shit few days etc I respect them more for posting even when they sucked than ghosting. Reading the ups and the downs of the journey can be motivating to people who are also not perfect.

Keep up your posts, you have some relatable insights.
 
Keep working man.

Assertiveness and being able to tolerate tough situations comes.

Honestly a lot of men get way more assertive through things like boxing.

When you know you can smoke someone in one, that gives you a level of chill in tough situations that cant be matched

MAC
 
Yesterday went out again to try to get some approaches done. Did 1, complimented a girl on her style and bailed. Also complimented a couple of tattoo artists for their tattoo, just because I wanted to. Social freedom = doing what you want, and that's what I'm aiming at.

Tonight should have had a date with the Ukrainian girl, but when I sent her a confirmation text, she replied that she doesn't want to meet anymore. Sucks a bit but it's ok, I'll work on my social freedom. I was feeling it coming, she unmatched me from Bumble a couple of days ago. Nothing to be done about it.
 
Good.

Keep working.

This game is about improvement in every capacity, social freedom, as well as stoicism and emotional control.

Back when I was a proper trainwreck my god I had so many breakdowns, Andy put it to me raw:

"To survive this game, you will need to become a lot, and I mean a lot more stoic"
-The Killer of Inner Losers

Let all flakes and shit wash off you. I know guys in the coaching who are SLAYERS, who have been flaked on 10-20 times in 1 week, and these are guys who are fucking insanely jacked and tatted up, looking like gods etc.

MAC
 
Didn't go out in the end yesterday. Had a late therapy session which drained me emotionally. Had some tough emotions to face. Was actually a good thing that the date was cancelled, I wouldn't have been in good mental shape for it.

Tonight seeing Russian Girl, then tomorrow should get back to it.
 
Spent a nice evening with Russian girl. We talked about exclusivity and told her that I don't see us as exclusive, because for me that happens only in a committed relationship. So was nice to be able to talk about this, we're on the same page, so I can keep working on myself in this area.

Had some bad news yesterday, I learned that my grandma got hospitalised. She's old and it might be the end for her, so I took the first flight available tonight to go see her, as it can be the last time. Hope she'll hold on until tomorrow though.

So for the next couple of days, probably no approaching
 
SpongeBob said:
Had some bad news yesterday, I learned that my grandma got hospitalised. She's old and it might be the end for her, so I took the first flight available tonight to go see her, as it can be the last time. Hope she'll hold on until tomorrow though.
Click to expand...

Hey man, I hope she gonna be ok my G. I know what you feel, god bless
 
So sad week end. My grandma died before I could even say good bye. Saturday was quite tough, not gonna lie. But at least I know that she's in peace now, she lived what she had to live, and it was time for her to go.

Once again I feel frustration against myself. Today was a bad day, had to deal with negative thoughts all day long. It got triggered by me going to dance yesterday evening. I was with a friend that is super social, very outgoing and fun, every time he goes to a party, he gets some contacts, he vibes with the girls and they just love him because he's just fun. And I couldn't help but to compare myself to him, I feel stuck in my own mind during those parties. I'm a good dancer, I've been told many times, but apart from that, I'm forgettable. And after all those years of going out, trying to be more social, more confident, I feel like I still revert to that same state. It feels like I reached my peak of social freedom.

I kept thinking that I'll never be confident, I'll never reach the social freedom I want, I'll never be good with women, that my relationship with my ex was just a fluke, and that I'm an idiot for breaking up with her, that I'll never find another woman as good as her that loves me as much.

Had to counter those thoughts all day long. Trying to be more positive. Telling myself that I can do better, I can be better, that I can find another amazing woman that'll love me, and this time, I won't blew it like I did.

After dealing with anxiety all day long at work, I just wanted to go home. Instead, pushed myself to go to the front line. Didn't do any approaches though, but at least I fucking went, even though I didn't fucking feel like it. I also met people that were doing a pick up bootcamp. It was funny because I saw a guy in a set, and I could immediately tell that he was day gaming. The position, the attitude, the energy, everything was screaming cold approach. I waited for him to finish then went to talk to him. To be honest I was hoping that I found a wing, unfortunately, that guy was not from there. Went to meet the coach and the guys that were doing the bootcamp, and just exchanged some banalities. The coach took my number and I'm considering should I try to do a bootcamp myself ? The problem is that it's usually super pricey, and I don't want to end up with very PUA type of people. They were talking with PUA jargon "number close" and stuff like that so I'm lukewarm about it. But let's see if he contacts me and I'll see. I already did a coaching once, and it was a waste of money, so not sure I want to try that experience again. But fuck me, I can't seem to get anywhere by myself so fuck I don't know.

Need to focus on the small wins today:

- Went to the FL even though I didn't feel like it
- I managed to not get overwhelm by my anxiety, and it was tough

I can be better, I can do better. Baby step is the way forward
 
You did everything you could, now you’re among the living and should live at your fullest for your grandma. Here if you want to talk about it
 
Thanks ovnidos, I really appreciate.

-------

I'm still dealing with anxiety and negativity. I'm going to plow through that shit and not let it consume me. But man it's hard right now. Don't really know what to do with it. I had a therapy session yesterday that sucked. Sucked in the way that it was very unpleasant, which is good in the end but fuck me, it was tough, and we're still just touching the tip of the iceberg. But that's what it's there for I guess, if I'm comfortable during the sessions that means that I don't work.

The session brought to light a big resistance to change within me. I've been doing this self improvement thingy for almost a decade now, with actually little progress to show on my overall confidence with women, which is the big sticking point for me. I keep going in a cycle: Starting self improvement journey -> facing adversity -> stop -> starting again... And I can feel that resistance big time. My conscious mind is dying for some changes, but unconsciously, I'm holding myself back. There's a part of me that don't want to be socially free, that don't want to have success with women. Why ? I need to dig deeper. I'm fucking afraid of something for some reasons. Now, when I imagine myself being able to cold approach, I feel a weird anxiety about it.

This afternoon, will go on the FL nevertheless. I'll plow through, there's no other alternative. As I said in another post, I'm not going to spend my 30s, the same way I've spent my 20s.

I'm also considering going to a PU bootcamp. I'd need to select the company wisely, but there's one here in the NL that seems legit. I already did some coaching back in France but in the end didn't like the coach so wasn't able to let myself be guided by him. I'm very hesitant to do it, but a part of me know that I kind of need it. And I'll do whatever it takes to get finally better.
 
One thing I’ve heard from others is that a boot camp isn’t the cure. Yes it’ll be a great kick in the ass, but it won’t solve your issues with consistency. It isn’t a surprise that students tend to do well on boot camp with guidance and support. However as soon as they go back home and no longer have that support they get back to their old ways.

I’m not saying that will be you, but manage your expectations. Use it as a spring board to creative positive momentum and continue moving forward.

Maybe even start the AA program in tandem with the boot camp? It’ll take longer to cold approach, but you’ll feel progression day by day which is a good feeling. I couldn’t picture myself having success with women, but I did that and it gave me the belief that I can be more that what I was.

You will have feelings of being an imposter when you go out of your comfort zone. That’s normal. You’ll even question if what you’re doing is right because it goes against everything that you are. Take it day by day. Rome wasn’t built in a day. It takes time.
 
PinchePendejo yes, you're 100% right, I don't expect the bootcamp to solve all my issues, the idea would be to have that kick in the ass, that environment where I don't have any option than to approach a ton, then, in my mind, doing 1 approach a day after a full week of facing my fear would be easy. But yes, that's also the reason why I'm on a fence about doing it. I'll take some times to reflect on it, there's also something else that I'll talk about below.

ovnidos, yeah I'd love to do a coaching with Andy, but I'd need to save a bit more money to do it. Even the bootcamp is depending on how much it costs



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There was a long week end here in the NL and I've spent most of it in company of Russian girl. We planned to go to this amusement park on Friday, so she came over Thursday evening and we spent from Thursday till Saturday night together, doing lots of activities and sex as well. And the more I spend time with her, the more I want to spend time with her. She definitively showed me that she's relationship material. It's a bit scary for me, and I'm still hesitant to make the plunge, but I can see myself in a relationship with her. She's great on many level, we have tons of fun, she seems emotionally stable, really positive human being, caring as hell, the sex is great, she can take a good pounding... I'll be 100% honest, if she was a bit hotter, I think I'll jump the gun without hesitation. She's definitively cute, and has a nice body, but some part of me wants more. But I should learn from my previous relationship. My ex was definitively hot, but even as hot as she was, I lost attraction to her at some point because of her behaviour. So hotness is good to show off to other people, but in the end it doesn't mean that the relationship or sex will be better.

It's been 3 months since we started dating, and I don't feel like dating other girls at the moment. Getting laid a ton has never been a priority for me, as the goal I set for 2022 can attest, I never had a lay count goal or anything. I really prefer spending time with 1 quality woman at a time than having multiple sex buddy at once. At least for now. However, I also want to be able to pick up girls in my day to day life. So it's a bit of a conundrum, I want to know that I have the skills to get a girl if I want to, if shit goes wrong with the woman in my life. I want to feel attractive enough, if that makes sense. If I decide to go the relationship route, I'll still need to find ways to improve myself, but then I wouldn't be able to try and cold approach, nor do the bootcamp. But we're not there yet, we'll see how things go in the next weeks.

I also reflected on what makes me consider getting into a relationship with her, because I want to make sure that I don't do it because it's comfortable. And I don't, it's really spending time with her that makes me consider it more and more. She's showing me qualities that I like into a partner, so I know that if I choose to be in a relationship with her, that won't be out of scarcity or by default, but because she kind of won me over over time.

So we'll see. Next week I'm starting my improv classes, pretty excited about it, even though I'm afraid at the same time.

Started going back regularly to the gym, doing HIT training for now. It feels great to get back to it.
 
The dabbler's cycle......

Little bit of this, then stop, repeat.

In self development, the greatest rewards are for those who go ALL IN

I was making piecemeal progress in my hometown grinding away. I was advised to go truly all in, I moved to London and put minimum 5hrs a day into getting laid.

It's hard work every day man and no one wants to do this shit.

You give yourself no way out.

What is your goal man? Remind us. I am not clear on it rn. Clearly defined, crystal clear outcomes.

What are the metrics?

Structure, fucking daily actions, and just sticking at them with accountability daily is needed.

Otherwise, life will get in the way and force you into mediocrity.

Where is your time going? Audit your day.

How many hours a day are going on your goals?

Stick at therapy, it sucked for me and I didn't like it, but I did it. Do it for a bit longer and if there's no gains, find another way.

Do you have peers and accountability partners etc? This is a group effort.

The lone wolf dies in the winter. The pack survives.

You can break through the cycle of start, stop, but it requires focus man. You think you pissed away 10 years. Nah, you didn't bro. You had good times and a girlfriend who loved you Guess what? I pissed away 12 living in the absolute darkest corner of hell.

Now, I am grinding and fighting for my god damn life.

No way will I fail.

Neither will you.

MAC
 
SpongeBob said:
I want to know that I have the skills to get a girl if I want to, if shit goes wrong with the woman in my life. I want to feel attractive enough, if that makes sense.
Click to expand...

Feels like we are looking for the same thing: freedom to be OK if your relationship, who you decided on after having been approaching and dating a bunch, fails. But then having the inner confidence in knowing that "It's ok, I'll just repeat what I did to find a woman like that again". Sort of.

At the same time I imagine that relationships overall are stronger when both parties know that they can find "better" prospects, if one at some point decides that the current relationship is not what they need. Like, both can leave at any point but choose to be together because they want to.
 
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