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On the path to a better self

whey + flocon d'avoine, put that in your throat until you feel like to throw up, you'll get these calories man !
 
I may not be the most qualified for this, but if you struggle to gain weight you can try using mass gainers. I used Serious Mass by Optimum Nutrition back in the day. Gained a lot of weight and strength but I became fat.
 
Thanks guys. I'm already using a mass gainer, which helped me quite a lot to gain some mass.

The issue I'm facing nowadays is that I literally can't eat. Like I used to eat 6 eggs in the morning, and now I can barely eat 3 eggs without feeling sick. I wake up feeling nauseous. And it carries on for the rest of the day. I can eat half of what I could eat a month ago and the truth is, there's not much I can do except just bare with it till that "crisis" passes. That's a health issue that kind of plagued me for a long time. But recently it got a bit worse. Every time I go to the doctors for some tests, everything is "fine", but here I am. But heh, nothing to gain for complaining about it. Just gotta live with it.

MakingAComeback said:
Keep working man
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Can't stop won't stop
 
Entry 14:

Gratitude

- Grateful for never having a broken bone
- Grateful for still having both of my parents
- Grateful for not having experience my parents getting divorced
- Grateful for having discovered a french dating site 7 years ago, which helped my personal growth
- Grateful for being able to feel the touch

Self appreciation

- Didn't want to go to the gym today, as I missed it in the morning because of health issues. Pushed myself to go in the evening. I'm proud of myself
- Had a nice a productive workday. I'm proud of myself
- I haven't watched any porn since october. I've been "sober" for 4 months. I went cold turkey on that bitch and I have to say, I really see the benefits. Still masturbate everyday though, but using my imagination so it's ok for me. I'm also proud of me for this one, longest streak. There were days were I felt the craving. Thank god I have a blocker on my phone
- At work, I'm handling single handedly the BE of a project when I have no prior experience in that field. So far, the client is quite happy with my work. I can be proud of that
- When I was in high school, learned how to make music videos of anime by myself and did a dope one.

-------------------------

Got a couple of number from OLD, will try to set up date this week end, on Sunday. I'm getting way less matches and likes than last week. The beginner boost dried up.

Got a nice workout, my shoulder is still fucked to can't do any push pull, so focus on arms and legs.

Can't meet with Ukrainian girl before she leaves. Bummer but it's okay.

Making progress, a little bit everyday. I'm in a better place that I was 2 weeks ago. Things are going somewhere. I'm satisfied even though we're not there yet. At least it feels like progress. I went from not meeting anyone to meeting girls. They're not the hottest, but they're cute enough.

Having a girl coming over on Friday, so that's going to be nice.

Baby step is the way forward
 
Entry 15:

Gratitude

- Grateful for having clean water from the sink
- Grateful for the fact that it's not super cold right now
- Grateful for my new headset
- Grateful for the guy that left his MIDI controller in my apartment
- Grateful for the opportunity to meet some KYIL peeps this week end

Self appreciation

- I really had very few drama in my life. Because I don't engage in it
- Managed to seduce and have a relationship with a very attractive woman (don't like the notation but for me it's a solid 9)
- Even though I hurt my shoulder, I keep grinding the gym as I can. Can be proud of not giving myself excuse not to do anything
- Giving myself credit for posting here for 15 days now. Even though some days I don't want to do that shit
- Taught myself how to photoshop. At some point I was decent at it.

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ovnidos said:
It's not baby step at this point !!!!! some girl want your D eheheh
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Hehe maybe 1st lay of the year. Let's see how it goes :)

Have date set up for Sunday (if doesn't flake).

Changed my photos a bit, for testing purposes. Once again I boosted in the middle of the day like an idiot where it's supposed to be less profitable. Still managed to get around 7 matches and with quite attractive women. Messaged all of them with Andy's template. Will see how it goes.

I'm thinking about taking Hinge premium to go all in and message 500 women this week end as per Andy's guide, just to try to go all in and see what comes out from it.

Want to motivate myself to go out and try to approach women again. One of my goal this year is to have one lay from cold approach. Need to move my ass to make it happen.

Clubs are opening on Saturday exceptionally. Wanted to go out but everything is sold out. Will try to get a ticket from somewhere. Want to have fun a bit.
 
Fell off my gratitude and self appreciation habit. Not sure I'm willing to continue this. And that's why I haven't posted at all. I felt shame about failing. Time to face that shame and accept my failure.

Got laid Friday. Have to admit that while it was good to get validation after such a while, the sex wasn't that great. I found the girls cute but not too sexy, was expecting her to have som nice sexual skills to make up for it. There wasn't any. She's really nice but I don't feel sexual/romantic chemistry. So I won't see her again that way.

Had another date on Sunday but damn, the girl was not pretty at all. Her profile didn't reflect her appearance at all. Got catfished there, even though she was not fat at all. She was boring as well. Ended the date after 1h, wanted to do so right when she arrived but heh, I'm still a nice guy after all.

I have a bit of a bad luck in the sense where all the interested lead from dating apps decided to go on holidays all at the same period haha. So now I'm left with nothing. I don't get organic likes anymore, so have to rely on boost. Messaged a dozens of girls on Hinge, no response so far. Now the truth about my photos are hitting me in the face. Ah well, that's ok.

I'm in a good space mentally and emotionally, thanks to getting back to meditation and for making progress. Progress feel slow though, but that's life.

Baby steps is the way forward
 
So went on a date last night. Contacted a girl that went to the same school that me on Monday through instagram. Really my type, a bit chubby but from what I saw not too much (will have to see her naked haha). The date was great, I was in such a good state (thanks phenibut) and displayed myself exactly how I imagined my "perfect self" to be, playful, sexual, flirty. I forgot that I could be all of those and it felt good. We kissed but I didn't pull. My excuse is bad logistics, but the truth is that I'm still a bit of a pussy for this kind of things. It's okay, I'll get better. I'll try to invite her to some dinner directly to my place next time though.

Got a ne number from tinder, and chatting with 2-3 from my previous boost. Will see how it goes. Should meet with the Ukrainian girl that I met a couple of weeks ago on Thursday. She's giving me relationship vibe but I'll still see how it goes, I liked her.

Today meeting with the KYIL members in Netherlands. It's going to be nice to see people from here.

Wanted to make a quick update here
 
Thrice said:
can you tell me how you're using it?
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I usually take around 1-2g (2g seems to be my sweet spot) between 2-4h before whatever social activity I have because it takes around 3-4h to really feel the effect, if needed, I take an extra 0.5g 30min before going for the extra boost.

I (usually) don't take it more than twice a week in order to avoid building tolerance and addiction and space the intake by 2-3 days. If you never took it, or if it's been a while, I'd recommend starting by 1g, see how you feel. Then next time try to take a bit more.

You can see more information on the dosage and duration here: https://psychonautwiki.org/wiki/Phenibut.

I'd advise to never go past the strong dosage (so limit at 2g), to avoid building high tolerance. Sometimes I'll take some caffeine and/or L-theanine with it. But not too much.
 
SpongeBob said:
Hey Big MAC, thanks for checking on me but don't worry, I'm still on track ;) . I haven't been posting because I was in Spain for the holidays at a friend's, the coming post is going to be quite long so i didn't want to do it on my phone.

------------

First of all, happy new year to all. May 2022 be the breakthrough year for all of you, may you reach your goals and find fulfilment in your lives.

I really enjoyed myself in Spain and it was refreshing to say the least. It was a much needed time outside of my routine. But, of course, I didn't totally stop working on myself:

  • I kept working out, even without access to the gym, thanks to my gymnastic rings I managed to find a place to hang them and do my 3 workouts for the week

  • I worked on my honesty and self acceptance by sharing my struggles to my friend. I've always had shame regarding my dating life, it was uncomfortable to talk about this, but this is part of who my story, so I need to accept it

  • I've booked a photoshoot in January with a photographer specialised in dating pictures

-----------

2021 has been a difficult year. The breakup with my ex has coloured the entire year, especially the 2nd half. It was hands down the most difficult time of my life. It sucked. But it was also, I think, a pivotal year that really opened my eyes on the fact that I really need to fix my dating life. I need to heal that part of myself that has been hurt by my years of "affective void" if I want to be able to have that long term relationship that I want. I want to become emotionally secure and be a positive presence in the women that I encounter. But here are some key accomplishments that I've realised in the last trimester:

  • Totally stopped pornography. I went cold turkey on that one, and I think I'm starting to see the benefits. I'm feeling more attracted to the "normal chick"

  • I've reached an important personal milestone: I'm starting 2022 at 80kg. You have no idea how happy I am to finally putting some weight. My pecs are showing a bit, and I fill my sleeves a bit more. I'm on track to reach my goal of 85kg. But I think now I need to pay more attention to the macros to bulk in a leaner way.

  • I've deadlifted 100kg (which isn't even my max as I could do 3x8 reps)

  • I've discovered an ugly truth about myself, the fact that I didn't really like myself, this is going to be a focus in 2022

All in all, while there has been some accomplishments, I'm not very happy with how the year went. 2022 is going to be better, because I give myself permission to do everything possible to fix my dating life which is the big dark hole in my life.

-----------

So in the coming 6 months, my focus is going to be on the following points:

  • Learn to love myself. To stop destroying myself for my failures, and learn to embrace my flaws.

  • Move on once and for all from my previous relationship, even though I think it'll be more a consequence from the following points

  • Get a fuckbuddy. Personally, having a regular chick that I really appreciate, with whom I can explore some things sexually is more significative than X number of lays

  • One lay from cold approach

  • Reach 84kg

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The plan for the coming weeks is as follow:

I'm leaving for Paris tonight, the coming weeks I'll revamp my wardrobe. That's one of the reason why I wanted to go there. I just hope that the government doesn't decide to shut everything down yet. I know it'll happen, I just hope it won't be next week, to give me some time to do some shopping. I'll prepare 3-4 outfits for the photoshoot and then improve my online profile.

I'll do some cold approach with a wing that have been doing this for 5 years now. It'll be good to be with someone more experienced and that can push me.

I've set my goals for the next 6 months so on the 1st of June, I'll make some new goals for the 2nd part of the year.

Let's get it boys!
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I know I'm late to the party and I haven't been on due to personal issues. Family member's cancer getting worse and I had a head injury I was in the hospital for a while with stitches. Interesting note on the head injury since I studied this topic at a graduate school level, I've taken neurobiology, neuroanatomy, and neuroscience.

I've been really angry and emotioanlly less stable and I'm hating people and grudges I already forgave and forgot about are resurfacing. It's strange. Wish I hit my head somewhere that made me a savante. Well, only one way to find out is to try different skills.

And dude, we've all (I think most guys) have eben there. I've had so many break downs recently (life style sucks need to fix it). Where I just wanted to stop existing. But not suicide. I have a LOT of mechanisms in place to prevent that from happening.And I will NEVER end my own life. Men are supposed to be a source of stability, women are chaotic emotional melodramatic (typically), obviously I"m broadstroking the shit out of this concept cuz there's countless exceptions.

But that's my view. Until I can handle my own emotions, I'm basically an unhealthy black hole that should not be in any form of emotional relationship, but physical is okay. Interesting, I don't know why I fall for girls so easily, considering I've done a LOT of genetic tests and one of the experts in charge of the entire genetic testing explained to me that I have a lower level of oxytocin or some chemical I forgot I think it's oxytocin, which makes me less prone to fall in love.

So I think it's because of my abusive childhood and my abusive parents, whenever a girl mistreats me I fall for her. Not healthy. Not something I'm going to EVER tolerate again. I've been reading a lot of self-help and audios, but no action yet. So tantamount to nothing, as KillYourInnerLoser and that other guy I forgot his name (wtf did I hit my head at a memory center?) I don't have my textbooks with me, I'll probably order a cheap old edition of a neuroanatomy textbook to see where I hit my head and what it's associated with.

Hope that's not TMI. I haven't read this thread, just wanted to chime in, maybe it's already been said. Don't be ashamed to cry or let out your emotions. We're all human. I cried over a girl that I never met before. I'm ashamed, but the KillYourInnerLoser and someone else another one of my mentors Bravo (am I allowed to mention other companies? Please censor it if I'm not, I just reread the rules and didn't see that listed. Well he doesn't own a company I don't think.

Both said dwelling on the past is pointless, move forward. Shame is toxic. Regret is toxic. Accept you messed up. Move forward. My mentor who has the best inner game I've ever seen of anyone ever, in the community anyways, maybe even outside the community (I have best friends who date literal models), gave me that advice when I was heartbroken in the past. Accept yourself before anyone else can accept you.

This mentor was a badass (imo), thought he never portrayed himself as one. He would fight people knowing he'd lose. (I'm mentioning this for a reason don't worry, I'm not sucking his dick metaphorically), he got laid a shit ton, over 100 girls (I asked him, he would never advertise that on his own, he left the community after like 2-3 years, his game was already good.

There's 2 types of guys from what I understand in the community, well 2 types in 2 categories.

Category one, overall life:
1. Lifestyle Guy: You just want to have a rocking lifestyle and will even turn down sex. Priority is never women.
2. Mastery Guy: You're aiming to get better, beyond minimal sexual satisfaction. Downside: Most guys here lower their standards.

Second category, skill level of guys entering this self-help / pick-up community:
1. Guys who know nothing and have to start from scratch (metaphorically drawing the dots that you later connect or having no puzzle pieces and finding the pieces).
2. Guys who are near or are naturals who already have most of the puzzle and most of the dots who are just connecting small gaps in their game.

Oh yeah, the reason I was bragging about my mentor above was because he was telling me things I couldn't believe he did. he literally hugs himself at emotionally traumatic times while he cried and patted himself on the back and told himself, "It's okay Roger (not real name), everything will be okay, let it out."

I've also noticed my natural friends who are good with girls never hold grudges are it's really hard to piss them off. They forgive and let things go. All of them believe in karma. One has been jumped numerous times and has never had the desire to get revenge. This was in high school where I used to be a "bad ass" (weighed 140 and could bench press 275 and had been training in MMA with literal cage fighters and held my own, got in life a fight like monthly). My point of mentioning that is I would've fought for him and I could've easily rounded up a group of people to back me up that outnumbered the guys who jumped him. He didn't even consider my offer for a second.

I'm not longer into "being a bad ass" and don't want to be considered that or viewed as that. I try not to even mention my past. I have 5 arrests (all before 18 years old so my record is clean), for getting into fights. One, pretty sure that scares girls. Two, I was 100% compensating. Nobody could tell and even when I tried to tell people, they didn't believe me, I was a virgin like taht entire time and when girls tried to booty call me I was too scared to even meet them so I'd ignore their calls. I'd meet a complete stranger who heard I was talking shit about them and wanted to fight me and I'd fight them, but I was too scared to meet an attractive girl who straight up said they wanted to fuck me.

Goes to show a lot and has made me view intimidating guys differently. It also helped me humility a lot. You have NO idea how capable someone is at fighting. Some of the cage fighters I trained with looked straight up like push overs, but I was a weight class above them, stronger in every where, and yet they could've kicked my ass. So, I never start a fight, and I'm glad to say I haven't been in a physical fight since I was 18, and I'm over a decade older now, and never intend to. Although I did lose my temper and try to fight several people but they backed down, and recently hit someone multiple times and they wouldn't fight back out of fear. So I'm ashamed of that.

Not sure why I'm writing so much. I'm about to work on my grad school appliucations and just answered a ton of emails and was writing an essay so I'm manic right now. Hope what I wrote is helpful to someone. Also, I used to be more mentally ill, so I always carried a weapon (knives, ninja stars, I've even carried around a baseball bat in my pants, I walked like a retard but nobody noticed Iwhy or that I had something in my pants, this was all in high school, mainly was scared of being trash canned, thankfully nobody tried to because I would have ruined my life and entire future) on me and was willing to use it. More reason I don't pick fights with people. I also know people who did the same, and pretty sure they still carry a weapon. I've had people flash guns at me just to show they're "tough guys". I could tell they would not fight unarmed, and they had friends they wanted to impress. But simultaneously, enough peer pressure and they would've probably shot.

I've turned my life around and am now applying to graduate schools, finally got laid after finding the community, stopped compensating (as much, I think everybody does to an extent), turned off all my social media because I was seeking approval too much, i'd keeep hitting refresh and be bummed or emotionally affected if not many people or nobody liked my status. I did find the formula for getting a lot of likes on any post, but it's not worth the time. (The trick is to always comment positively on active users and like their posts a lot, but be close enough to them that they at least acknowledge your comments) Waste of fucking time.

Man I went on another rant. Sorry. Done now.
 
Saw the girl from Saturday's date on Tuesday for a wine and dine date at my place, ended up in one of the best sex I've had. Will definitively see her again and we'll see how things go. I really liked the moment we shared, very wholesome, I received quite a lot of compliments on my skills, which was quite nice because I know that she has a lot of experience and I managed to distinguish myself.

Other funny interaction: had this girl I matched with on Happn 3 weeks ago. Tried to set up a date but she was going in holidays so couldn't meet. Told each other that we'd meet when she get back. Wasn't expecting anything and when she came back she hit me up by herself telling me that she's back and kind of handled me her number. She sounds quite eager to meet which is always nice. Will try to set up a date for the week end

Was supposed to have a date tonight. But she flaked. Ainsi va la vie.

Yesterday I went to a meetup and I always find myself with the same issue. I really struggle to portray myself as something other than the "nice guy". I mean I feel I always come of as very friendly, but then I can't get past it. I've always worked very hard to fight my introverted side and always attend social event to not loose the habit. There are always some attractive girls during these events but I never manage to break through my mental blocage and be more flirty with them, no matter how much I try I just stay on the friendly and when I try to be flirty, it generally doesn't feel like it's conveyed properly. I don't know how to break from this pattern. If anyone has some tips, I'm all ears. Yesterday I ended up chatting with 2 ladies all night, one picked my interest but I saw on her phone that she has a boyfriend. And I'm thinking that I was so not a "threat" (in a sexual way) that she never thought about mentioning him to "deflect me". There was never any kind of tension and I don't know how to build it. I spent too much time working on knowing how to have a nice conversation but not on the sexual innuendo. Actually even my lay from Tuesday told me something similar. I want to be able to meet women from IRL as well, not only online dating. So I want to crack the mental code that blocks me.

On a side note, ordered the magic wand. I want to see what the hype is all about.
 
SpongeBob said:
f you never took it
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I have phenibut from fusion supplements, from the site predatornutrition, it's great for sleeping at 500mg, never tried more than that i will try it once i start matching girls or approaching so thanks!
 
SpongeBob said:
no matter how much I try I just stay on the friendly and when I try to be flirty, it generally doesn't feel like it's conveyed properly
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I can relate to this. I've been having Andys mantra "allow your self to suck" in the back of my mind whenever I've wanted to try to move things forward with girls. Some will like it, some will stop replying and so forth.

I think the most important thing you can do is to try. Tell your self that it's probably going to fail, but at least you tried and have some more experience.
 
Hard2Focus said:
I think the most important thing you can do is to try. Tell your self that it's probably going to fail, but at least you tried and have some more experience.
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Yeah man you're definitively right. I need to plough through the discomfort and just go for it.

Thrice said:
I have phenibut from fusion supplements, from the site predatornutrition, it's great for sleeping at 500mg, never tried more than that i will try it once i start matching girls or approaching so thanks!
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Really ? From 500mg ? I read that it's usually the higher doses that helps for sleeping
 
SpongeBob said:
Really ? From 500mg ? I read that it's usually the higher doses that helps for sleeping
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not true! all took one pill and always slept like a baby...i like this brand too, they have legit stuff
 
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