Redemption: Winning - Against All Odds
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vH3N6Q2qHWE
The feeling that I have inside today, is the most sublime gratitude.
There is a special feeling you feel inside, when you know that the guy you used to be, is dead, buried, and gone.
And that the long search for answers, is over.
That the disease of long term loneliness and isolation, had a cure after all.
And that what was so broken, despite the seeming impossibility of the task, can be fixed.
I know, because I was once that impossibly broken individual.
I didn't think I was going to be able to go on my first date when I came here.....
But it happend.
First lay.....seemed impossible
And then it happened.
FWB, same thing.
A really hot chick, same thing.
Both of these, took place.
Beating approach anxiety, seemed like it would just not happen for me. I had unbelievable levels of AA.
And yet, it went away.
I am a true hard case. I come, from very bad stock. Very severe mental and physical illness. Very bad appearance (obese and absolutely gruesome looking). 0 positive experiences, consistent bad treatment, and there was no reason for me to think that would ever change.
I lived 30 years of my life like that.
As I wander the streets sometimes, going about my life, I think to myself how truly lucky I am that I made it through all that.
It was far from a given, to put it mildly.....
Rather painfully, during the initial parts of my journey, a few people genuinely told me that it was unlikely I would succeed
“I don’t think he’ll make it”
I never dwelled on it, nor did I take pleasure in proving so many people wrong throughout this log.
Go back and read it for yourself.
Redemption: A Personal Victory
For most of my life, I believed that I was truly less than other people, that something was broken inside of me, deeply fucked up, and that I was somehow missing a component of what is required to be a normal person.
I would call myself, “God’s lonely man”, a reference to the character Travis Bickle, in the Scorccese movie, Taxi Driver. A loner, an outcast, a dysfunctional and bitter man, who ultimately, derails his life.
He is a failure.
These feelings, in quiet moments, would be the most haunting I ever knew. The visions that would form in my mind, of dying a lonely, sad, isolated old man. Who no one ever really cared about, and who never really lived.
I was a severely anxious person, with very extreme mental illness. My anxiety disorders, were many, and I was literally a housebound agorophobic, for multiple years in my 20s.
Tormented by my own mind.
Really, in those many dark, lonely years, that was when I began to actually form a vision for the future.
That, was when the new version of myself, the character I call MAC, was in fact born.
In those years where I was so sick, barely functioning at all, I would dream for hours and hours, visualising about a future, where I had lost all the weight, where I had become successful, and where I had obtained abundance and choice, in all areas of life.
Where I had blown past all limits, and transcended all the challenges I had in life.
In areas where I was weak, I had made myself strong.
And by all accounts: I had won.
You will never know how many years of work it took, just to resume a basic life. To work again. To be able to just engage in life. That is the sort of fucked up situation I came here from.
To overcome all of that, and to find success, to me, became, within my mind, one of the greatest stories I could make my life into.
Who else would have done something like that?
I searched and searched, and just couldn't find a case like mine.
So at a certain point, I decided, that I would simply become that hardcase success story myself, or die trying.
Period.
This, became a dream, and though it seemed an absolute impossibility, sat in my house, unemployed, barely alive, 280lbs of obese, severely mentally and physically ill, mess of a human - I became as obsessed as you see I am today.
When it was time to start this journey, which began a few weeks before my 30th birthday, I went at this journey with a level of super human ferocity, that I myself cannot believe I was able to bring fourth.
That, was the extreme grinding period, and it lasted 1.5 years.
I have had some challenges this year, the stress of first time entrepreneurship, whilst trying to reach the next level in dating and relationships, was difficult. The challenges of learning game, and addressing the weak aspects of my mindset, was tough.
And yet, like all other goals I have set since I began my journey, with focus, commitment, and consistency – all outcomes are obtained.
It’s as simple as that.
As obsessed as I was then, I am now.
If not MORE, because now, I actually know, I am going to pull it off.....
There is a special feeling the person who started from nothing, from down low, way down low, can feel.
It’s a feeling of going back 10 years mentally, and thinking to yourself – how in the FUCK did I pull this off?!
If you’d have asked the 22 year old version of myself, if he’d have slept with 13 women, dated around 150-200, and approached 7,000 by the time he was 32, that anxiety ridden, self destructive mess, would have thought you were off your rocker…..
The personal pride I feel, for turning things around, is immense, because only within my brain, do those memories of those truly bleak, dark times reside. Only I myself know, how truly lonely and isolated I once was. Only I recall those long, dark, lonely nights, where I wandered the streets, trying to gather my thoughts, the cold wind hitting my face, whilst the rest of the world, it seemed, were having the time of their lives.
That version of me, was lost.
I took a guy truly that fucked up, with that many problems, who was a fucking loser, failure, and fuck up by any estimation
And I turned him into this mother fucker here
That, to me, has been my redemption. And it has made me realise, that to have accomplished so much, from the hell I came, I can call myself a winner in life.
Because what all this journey has taught me, is about the deep game of success, about the core of self improvement, performance, and how to rewire the brain, to become an elite performer,
I believe this life, is a spiritual experience, and that we are called here, for a mission.
Some, are awake enough to realise their mission.
Others, pass through life in a walking daze.
This weekend, I am just going to enjoy these feelings of deep gratitude, reflect on my improvements this year, and allow myself to enjoy the fruits of my labours.
When you achieve goals that you once thought were impossible, your mind changes, and you start to see the world differently.
It is, in my opinion, largely limitless.
You are limited only by your mindset.
Yours,
-Ravi
