I remember your overreactions when you had a bit of a breakup/heartbreak in the past (you were straight back down the blackpill rabbit hole).
Your reaction here to continue learning and developing is a positive, but don't throw away what you've already learned. This was just another step in the right direction IMO (two steps forward, one step back).
Very true.
Man, this is a very difficult one.
The gal and I, have not broken up. I just was super sad about learning about her past, and it troubled me that I do not have the sorta woman I want to be with.
She is pretty, and has aged well given she is 35. She is an amazing girl, and treats me REALLY well. As you may know from reading this log, that isn't the norm. But, I've improved a lot, and my life has gotten better at every level.
It's just....I am not really happy with the sort of woman I am attracting, and I am confused about why this keeps happening.
Long story short: she was one of the first big wave of webcam models, was a super successful webcam model, had an audience of 50,000+ simps who'd log in daily to talk to her and chat with her, look at her boobs, watch her masturbate. She would do amateur porn videos of her banging her boyfriend who she was in an open relationship for 12 years. She admits to having a "VERY" promiscuous past.
I don't blame her for any of this, btw. I've heard her full story, she is a really stand up woman with a great heart. and had it been ten years ago, I'd have been open to considering her. But not now.
We'll date, I am just seeing her, I will continue to give her my love and full masculine presence. Because she does deserve that, for how great and awesome she is to me.
But, I will have to do the deeper thinking to figure out why I've stayed stuck in dating lower quality women for 3+ years at this point.
If you've read this log, you'll know I did a lot.
It doesn't even make sense to me why my quality issues did not improve, despite every facet of me getting better.
I am just going to work even harder on my SMV, consult a bit further afield, and see if I can figure out something that is worth testing, something that has legs and substance. I am open to ideas and suggestions, and if any of my readers know something
Please do not suggest any more of:
-Online dating (can still not really get matches, and poor quality at that)
-Day Game (despite my best efforts, was not able to make changes to getting them to stop, talk, exchange numbers.....I've wrapped that one up)
I have not done that much night game, and will be open to exploring more of that.
I will also try to go to classes and events, stuff like that.
I am grateful my life improved a lot, social skills, vibe, etc. This made ZERO different on the quality of woman I could attract and I just couldn't keep going on like that.
So I am dropping those things and trying to find out if there is something different out there I can try.
Not yet. Will take a good and long break. I need to speak with different people from different communities. 100% appreciate everyone and all I've learned, it was a blast. It's just, my current approach didn't work. I am OK with that. Life goes on.
I personally think, raising my SMV will get me out of this bind.
For now, I will just roll with the chick I've got. I am learning a lot about healing. I am not sure about the future.
I'm going to do more research and speak to some more people and see what their opinion is.
Open to ideas and will test things. If anyone else had the problem of years of persistent unlivable dogshit quality, and overcame that, DM me.
Thanks,
Ravi