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Ravi, Year 3: Self-Improvement Log - Data-Driven, Incremental Growth. Feedback Welcome. Ego & Defenses, Dropping [XMAS MESSAGE FROM MAC]

MattsCrib said:
MakingAComeback said:
Morning Weight: 241.4

Not pretty numbers, but just part of the process, they will come back down.

Work + studying management cert, playing guitar, and working out today.

Also going to begin experimenting with meditation. I will do around 2 hours today, and monitor how it feels, and then incorporate it for a few weeks in perhaps 3 x 30m sessions a day.

MAC
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I'd really suggest you to try Metta meditation.

Every single time you get into a negative thought loop, repeat to yourself - "May I be at peace", "May I be calm", "May there be acceptance", "May there be the moment" etc.

The thing with marriage and finding love

Listen, I'm a younger guy, if you've read my log I have my own fair share of huge mental issues etc.
You have to realize that
1) A lot of it IS cultural, not evo-psych
2) I have great friends who do have amazing girlfriends. No, they aren't "used", no, the girls aren't giving them "unrealistic demands" etc.
3) I also have friends who have HAD these types of girls and kept these girls "becauz she's so haaawt!!", eventually getting cheated on and manipulated. Shitty people also exist.
4) It's "over" depending on what you thing "over" is. Do you want to bang a 20 y.o hot chick every weekend? I might have bad news and it might be unrealistic. Do you want to have an average chick for a ltr? Yeah, completely possible. Yes, you can also probably have children. No, not all girls have been "alpha widowed" HOWEVER - it IS hard to find a suitable partner who has had similar moral/innate values etc.

Yeah, 9/10 won't be a good match for you, 99/100 girls will not probably like you (it's probably not that bad, i'm a bit exaggerating lol), it doesn't mean that you (and I) can't have the fantasy of having children and a nice girl one day.

The thing with this "delusional fantasy" is that... Are all of my friends who are in decent relationships delusional?
So yeah, right now focus on one step at a time.

Please watch this video from 9.39
https://youtu.be/uJ9dFtv734Q?t=579

Also, I'd truly recommend you The CBP Channel - he's the only "left leaning" guy who actually talks about male issues in a very level headed way :D

Right now, yeah, focus on getting laid, getting "brooootali rejected" like you have already and working on yourself. Consistency.
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Thanks for the post man, I will look into this meditation for sure! Yeah you're right here. I am sure my outcomes will improve, they will have to.

Good points regarding being realistic. I haven't thought about having sex with someone whose 20 or a different girl every week. That is very far outside my reality right now! I am not that horny as a guy and I'm not picky in terms of looks, to be honest.

Damn that facial analysis stuff makes me super uncomfortable but there were some super useful takeaways, notably, the advice echoed what I've been given on the forum - get lean as fuck.

MAC
 
Morning Weight: 241.4

Oh that's fine if you want to hang out there, I am going to smash some weights today and then go for a long run tomorrow, I'll get you down!!!!

MAC
 
Morning Weight: 239.8

Good. Keep coming down son. At below 230lbs I will breathe a sigh of relief.

Had a weird dream last night about being in shape and doing the AA challenge in my local area, which is a boring town, and as some sort of comfort challenge, I began to get a pad out and draw whilst leaning on someone's wall in their front garden. I was approached by a group of little girls (10-12) and they wanted to see what I was drawing, but then for some reason they demanded to see how much pushups I can do, and then I did an absolute tonne (LMAO) and it ended up going viral on social media and Andy posted it on the front page of this website.

Woke up like wtf....
 
MattsCrib said:
MakingAComeback said:
Morning Weight: 239.8

Good. Keep coming down son. At below 230lbs I will breathe a sigh of relief.

Had a weird dream last night about being in shape and doing the AA challenge in my local area, which is a boring town, and as some sort of comfort challenge, I began to get a pad out and draw whilst leaning on someone's wall in their front garden. I was approached by a group of little girls (10-12) and they wanted to see what I was drawing, but then for some reason they demanded to see how much pushups I can do, and then I did an absolute tonne (LMAO) and it ended up going viral on social media and Andy posted it on the front page of this website.

Woke up like wtf....
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Lol. I mean... You CAN partially make this a reality :D
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Maybe I'll do a modified AA challenge one day, the final day will be breaking the world pushup record :) If that doesn't get me on the front page of this website, I don't know what will.

Hope you are well Matt.
 
I love Coach Black Pill like many guys I know do. Great, great content. Especially after wasting countless hours on the 'chase becoming a man of excellence and the women will chase you' red man group or rule zero clan or whatever they call it.

I would NOT advise guys who haven't even lost their virginity watch his face ratings of guys videos though. Forget about your filtrum to nose ratio or whatever facial dimensions they jabber on about for now. Supposing you sent him a video of you talking into a camera asking him to rate you. He says you are a 3. You don't need that right now.

I actually sent him my video a while ago just out of sheer curiosity. I will be curious to see what he ranks me. Because if he says I am a 4 or 5 like I predict he will then after that it will serve as an extra piece of evidence that if a 'melvin' like me can bang 50+ bitches, just about anyone on this forum can.
 
Sup brothers. You know I am playing the long game and losing weight. I am working on it every day and not letting off. But it's up and down and a slow game.

Stay with me here, I'll get there, I promise you that.

I have been having some great conversation with my friends, I am thankful to have some good friends I can talk to for hours. Different people have their own issues. Many people have pain and it's a journey for many of us.

Have been working on emotional healing and am enjoying it. Experimenting with things like EFT, Meditation, Visualisation. I am loving it.

I feel lighter emotionally and a bit more whole. Some of my pain does feel lessened.

I am making progress, when I'm at 215 I'll take pictures.

Thebastard said:
I love Coach Black Pill like many guys I know do. Great, great content. Especially after wasting countless hours on the 'chase becoming a man of excellence and the women will chase you' red man group or rule zero clan or whatever they call it.

I would NOT advise guys who haven't even lost their virginity watch his face ratings of guys videos though. Forget about your filtrum to nose ratio or whatever facial dimensions they jabber on about for now. Supposing you sent him a video of you talking into a camera asking him to rate you. He says you are a 3. You don't need that right now.

I actually sent him my video a while ago just out of sheer curiosity. I will be curious to see what he ranks me. Because if he says I am a 4 or 5 like I predict he will then after that it will serve as an extra piece of evidence that if a 'melvin' like me can bang 50+ bitches, just about anyone on this forum can.
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Honestly, if someone told me at the start women don't give a fuck about your skillset and the attributes you have as a man, it honestly would have saved me a lot of heartache and been good for me mentally. Hindsight is 20-20. LOL. Oh well.

I felt so uncomfortable watching that, like tearing the dudes looks down, he looked like a good dude - I'm sure the guy could have a soul affirming conversation with you and it could be an enriching time. I always thought that was more important most of my life, frankly I just focused on my skillset and didn't think about looks. Definitely was a naive dude.

Frankly, it's fine, I just want to be happy. One step at a time

Watching that video sucked as the lad was far better looking than myself so I thought fuck what chance do I have.

But it's OK. I want happiness and balance and will do what is required. The women stuff, ugh, not sure how it'll pan out but I told you it's my goal to lose my virginity so I will do that and see. Nothing else to consider really.

MAC
 
MattsCrib said:
MakingAComeback said:
Sup brothers. You know I am playing the long game and losing weight. I am working on it every day and not letting off. But it's up and down and a slow game.

Stay with me here, I'll get there, I promise you that.

I have been having some great conversation with my friends, I am thankful to have some good friends I can talk to for hours. Different people have their own issues. Many people have pain and it's a journey for many of us.

Have been working on emotional healing and am enjoying it. Experimenting with things like EFT, Meditation, Visualisation. I am loving it.

I feel lighter emotionally and a bit more whole. Some of my pain does feel lessened.

I am making progress, when I'm at 215 I'll take pictures.



Honestly, if someone told me at the start women don't give a fuck about your skillset and the attributes you have as a man, it honestly would have saved me a lot of heartache and been good for me mentally. Hindsight is 20-20. LOL. Oh well.

I felt so uncomfortable watching that, like tearing the dudes looks down, he looked like a good dude - I'm sure the guy could have a soul affirming conversation with you and it could be an enriching time. I always thought that was more important most of my life, frankly I just focused on my skillset and didn't think about looks. Definitely was a naive dude.

Frankly, it's fine, I just want to be happy. One step at a time

Watching that video sucked as the lad was far better looking than myself so I thought fuck what chance do I have.

But it's OK. I want happiness and balance and will do what is required. The women stuff, ugh, not sure how it'll pan out but I told you it's my goal to lose my virginity so I will do that and see. Nothing else to consider really.

MAC
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I think you got the completely opposite message from that video :D

He literally tells that If you're a NORMAL LOOKING guy, it's most likely not OVER for you. It really depends on the things you want to acheive - like I said, a cute girl every weekend? Be hot as fuck. A decent, normal looking girlfriend who isn't super good looking? Be attractive, don't be unattractive, be decently social, flirt flirt flirt.

He did not put these guys down :D These guys in the videos were literally normal looking guys that could do some fixing up, diet, fashion etc. The guy that looked almost like a model - he was literally saying that he often gets these messages from guys who look like that and for these guys, it IS mental.

You're 6 FOOT 5. Let that sink in. You're freaking tall man. You are ABOVE average height. For you it probably IS either 1) mental 2) you're fat (fixable) 3) you haven't maxxed out your looks.

Your problems PROBABLY are fixable. According to your pic (even though your eyes are covered), I can't seem to think that you're a lost cause :D

Do you have social hobbies? Do you have female friends? Do you have male friends? Contrary to red pill advice, good female friends can actually HELP you get laid assuming they are GOOD friends and actually help you with your goals and/or don't give that "be nice" advice etc.

People who look sexy get sex. People who are cool have good friends and get decent relationships.. It's really, really not that bad.

I'd also suggest you to check out Vaush - do you think he's a hot Chad Thundercock, slayer of pussy?
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Hey Matt. I saw you posted above, I wasn't ignoring you, but I read about your recent privacy concern with someone who is probably bored during lockdown sending silly messages. I hope you are all good and don't let somebody who is probably sat at home bored steer you away from your growth.

Yeah, lots to work on. You make some good points, but it is tricky for me to really process them as I have had a fucking brutal run of it and I almost cannot believe it myself! A form of learned helplessness does set in when it becomes damn near impossible for you to see a different reality: I did approach ~2,000 women and I was lean as hell (I was 195lbs), enjoying life, and on a great path, had lots of friends and a great social life, and I received some treatment which frankly was traumatising. Shit that I need to heal from. I haven't shared some of the experiences, with women who I thought were my friends, which were so cruel and unnecessary it beggars belief.

But that doesn't mean that will be my future and it can only unfold one step at a time. I can succeed, travel, learn, experience, grow, and more importantly, have some sort of positive impact with my life man. That matters to me. Things will fall into place one step at a time and I may be able to do some good in this world before my time is up. That, for me, will be a good enough run in life to make a life of it. Leave the world slightly better and hopefully make a positive impact for some people.

BTW, I am not saying I want a cute girlfriend (lol) or anything of this nature by the way. I have no faith in women and do not see a future where I spend time with them. I will lose my virginity and that may be that. Like I said, I want to be happy, and over the past 10 years I have had nothing positive added to my life by women lol, I'm turning 30 now man so I think it's time to get it over with and move onwards. I think I will put my heart and soul into business, travel , getting deeper into the spiritual and knowing why we are on this earth and experiencing this life, and some humanitarian work. If we're being honest, this might be more in alignment with who I am as a person. I can accept that.

MAC
 
MakingAComeback said:
BTW, I am not saying I want a cute girlfriend (lol) or anything of this nature by the way. I have no faith in women and do not see a future where I spend time with them. I will lose my virginity and that may be that. Like I said, I want to be happy, and over the past 10 years I have had nothing positive added to my life by women lol, I'm turning 30 now man so I think it's time to get it over with and move onwards. I think I will put my heart and soul into business, travel , getting deeper into the spiritual and knowing why we are on this earth and experiencing this life, and some humanitarian work. If we're being honest, this might be more in alignment with who I am as a person. I can accept that.
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Sounds like a famished person saying "I just need to eat something once, then I don't need food anymore. I can move on to other things". Getting laid is not about losing virginity, then moving on. It's about getting to a point when you can fullfill your sexual needs consistently, only then you can really focus on other parts of life.
 
Lostcause said:
MakingAComeback said:
BTW, I am not saying I want a cute girlfriend (lol) or anything of this nature by the way. I have no faith in women and do not see a future where I spend time with them. I will lose my virginity and that may be that. Like I said, I want to be happy, and over the past 10 years I have had nothing positive added to my life by women lol, I'm turning 30 now man so I think it's time to get it over with and move onwards. I think I will put my heart and soul into business, travel , getting deeper into the spiritual and knowing why we are on this earth and experiencing this life, and some humanitarian work. If we're being honest, this might be more in alignment with who I am as a person. I can accept that.
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Sounds like a famished person saying "I just need to eat something once, then I don't need food anymore. I can move on to other things". Getting laid is not about losing virginity, then moving on. It's about getting to a point when you can fullfill your sexual needs consistently, only then you can really focus on other parts of life.
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Hey man, thanks for your post.

Good point, I understand what you've written and I accept you are genuinely offering value, and probably have a far far better understanding of success with women than me. I am here because I want help and want to improve. You'll never hear me say I have got a handle on this area because I evidently have not, lol.

I don't disagree, so don't feel as if I am attacking anybody (believe me I am not like that). However, I enjoyed your analogy and would like to borrow it and put together an analogy that I think accurately describes where I am.

As opposed to being a famished person, I would say I am more like a boxer who got in the ring, full of idealism, hopes and dreams, wishing for glory and success and a chance to climb the ranks, who trained rigorously, with discipline, focus, and put in countless hours and worked to his last drop of blood, and after years of vicious pugilistic battle, came out with a record of 0 wins and 43 defeats, going from training camp to training camp, consulting the trainers of the hall of farmers, and coming out with nothing but head trauma and the bitter taste of defeat.

And yet....he still gets in the trenches, runs his roadwork every morning, hits the heavy bag and gets in the ring for hard sparring, because he knows he cannot go to his grave without knowing the feeling of having the referee raise his hands just once. After that, he is happy to hang up the gloves and ride off into the sunset.

This is how I feel right now.

Not saying this won't change, or that this is anything other than idiocy, but this is where I am now. That doesn't mean I won't do the work because believe me I am working hard here.

Edit: "Getting laid is not about losing virginity, then moving on" - if I have given you guys the impression I am here to get laid, that was a mistake. I am NOT here to get laid, and never have wanted to get laid. I wanted love and a relationship.

MAC
 
MakingAComeback said:
As opposed to being a famished person, I would say I am more like a boxer who got in the ring, full of idealism, hopes and dreams, wishing for glory and success and a chance to climb the ranks, who trained rigorously, with discipline, focus, and put in countless hours and worked to his last drop of blood, and after years of vicious pugilistic battle, came out with a record of 0 wins and 43 defeats, going from training camp to training camp, consulting the trainers of the hall of farmers, and coming out with nothing but head trauma and the bitter taste of defeat.

And yet....he still gets in the trenches, runs his roadwork every morning, hits the heavy bag and gets in the ring for hard sparring, because he knows he cannot go to his grave without knowing the feeling of having the referee raise his hands just once. After that, he is happy to hang up the gloves and ride off into the sunset.
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It's really nice you came out with a counter analogy - because my post wasn't about telling you how to live, but rather about making you think about how to live. It's your life afterall, and I only know how to live myself!
As for your analogy tho, yeah, you are a boxer who needs a victory. But it's only looking at what's directly in front of you - which is probably right, you should not focus much about endgoals, when you are at that point. But I don't think any boxer would get satisfied with a single victory. You should make it a single victory that leads to other victories!

MakingAComeback said:
Edit: "Getting laid is not about losing virginity, then moving on" - if I have given you guys the impression I am here to get laid, that was a mistake. I am NOT here to get laid, and never have wanted to get laid. I wanted love and a relationship.
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That's absolutely right man! it's all about filling your sexual needs and being happy. You don't need to sleep with 10 different women for that (it may be a good way tho). If love and relationship is your goal then go that path!
 
Lostcause said:
MakingAComeback said:
As opposed to being a famished person, I would say I am more like a boxer who got in the ring, full of idealism, hopes and dreams, wishing for glory and success and a chance to climb the ranks, who trained rigorously, with discipline, focus, and put in countless hours and worked to his last drop of blood, and after years of vicious pugilistic battle, came out with a record of 0 wins and 43 defeats, going from training camp to training camp, consulting the trainers of the hall of farmers, and coming out with nothing but head trauma and the bitter taste of defeat.

And yet....he still gets in the trenches, runs his roadwork every morning, hits the heavy bag and gets in the ring for hard sparring, because he knows he cannot go to his grave without knowing the feeling of having the referee raise his hands just once. After that, he is happy to hang up the gloves and ride off into the sunset.
Click to expand...
It's really nice you came out with a counter analogy - because my post wasn't about telling you how to live, but rather about making you think about how to live. It's your life afterall, and I only know how to live myself!
As for your analogy tho, yeah, you are a boxer who needs a victory. But it's only looking at what's directly in front of you - which is probably right, you should not focus much about endgoals, when you are at that point. But I don't think any boxer would get satisfied with a single victory. You should make it a single victory that leads to other victories!

MakingAComeback said:
Edit: "Getting laid is not about losing virginity, then moving on" - if I have given you guys the impression I am here to get laid, that was a mistake. I am NOT here to get laid, and never have wanted to get laid. I wanted love and a relationship.
Click to expand...
That's absolutely right man! it's all about filling your sexual needs and being happy. You don't need to sleep with 10 different women for that (it may be a good way tho). If love and relationship is your goal then go that path!
Click to expand...

Thank you man, all will unfold in time!!

Feeling way better spent a lot of time with friends, guys and girls, and it was healing, the pain body attack I have from time to time over the past is lessening and its just the nature of these things. Supression isn't good as it all rears its head in the end.

All is otherwise flowing well, lots of exercise, walking, running, resistance training.

Learning about spirituality and visualisation.

Breathing practice is going well

MAC
 
Morning Weight: 241.6lbs

I will start doing my daily posts again. Weight loss is very slow. I am sticking to my diet, and honestly it is helping me in other areas, sleep is better, I feel more relaxed and open, having some important conversations with friends and have shared a lot with them. Feels good to have some of my struggles out in the open with good hearted men who I trust (been best friends with these 2 for many years).

Weight loss is hard and slow for me because I fucked my metabolism doing restrictive dieting when I was 22-24. I have researched this subject a lot and know it is possible to lose weight when this happens, but it has to do with modifying the set-point, whilst this is a theory, there is some compelling data behind it. And set-points are modified when we emotionally heal and distress ourselves. So I have been doing this and what is why I haven't been posting daily. Given I feel better, I will resume daily posts.

From the bottom of my heart I respect the fuck out of you guys for improving yourselves. This is the hardest shit I ever did in life, way harder than anything I can even conceive of, to change yourself is to conquer lives great mountain and go deeper into the great mystery. Wish you the very best you deserve.

I hope to be on your level one day. One step at a time.

MAC
 
BW: 241.6

Had a good day yesterday, went for a run, did some core work, breathwork, played guitar did and some good reading on near-death experiences and also on some spiritual concepts (case studies of prayer and healing). Then, went to hang out with my buddy and we watched The Shining. Great fucking film. We riffed for ages on the deeper meanings of the film, the hotel being built on an ancient Indian burial ground, the karma of these souls being passed into the hotel, and the hotel acting out it's karma on it's inhabitants. Was fun.

Today, it's Sunday, and I am going to relax and take it easy, keep the stress hormones low, plan my wee ahead and reflect on my current goals.

Best wishes,
MAC
 
Hi brothers.

I am going to get this weight loss done I really am. I am not letting up, lol.

So look, another goal of mine is to get out of Project Management. This has been fun but simply will never make me any real money. I got into the Education & Charity sector, and while these have helped me grow a LOT as a person, I am not making the kind of money I'd like.

After some research, I'm reskilling myself, and going to start by learning Paid Search Marketing - Google Ads, Facebook Ads, this sort of thing.

I will just take it one step at a time. Simply getting work in this new sector alone will be success for me right now.

My current contract ends in July and after that, I am not doing any more Project Management work. I will make this work.

As per my goals, I will revise the hierarchy in my signature, so it'll reflect the following:

(A) Weight Loss: (1) Get to 215lbs and start Online Dating, (2) Get to 200lbs and take professional photographs
(B) Career Change: (1) Reskill in Digital marketing, (2) Generate experience & build portfolio, (3) Get role and begin 3-5 year process of climbing the ladder, starting my own side business, and scaling up income to put me in a good position age 35.
(C) Lose Virginity: (1) Start online dating when I'm at 215lbs
(D) Enjoy Life: Tick off bucket list items (I will plot these out and make plans for them etc.

Thanks all for the support.

I feel bad about myself because my weight loss has been slow. But I will feel so so much fucking better about myself if I can just lose another 10lbs and get to 230lbs, I will really feel like I am going to get there then and we will all be on to bigger and better things!

I am a committed person and not here to fuck around, I don't want to be posting here in 5 years time struggling with my weight and getting out of a industry with low earning potential, I want to have very different types of problems when I look back at this log in 5 years lol.

MAC

Best wishes,
MAC
 
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