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Ravi, Year 3: Self-Improvement Log - Data-Driven, Incremental Growth. Feedback Welcome. Ego & Defenses, Dropping [XMAS MESSAGE FROM MAC]

MattsCrib said:
(I sometimes still lurk here)

I'd suggest you not to wait until "i'm good enough" to start online dating. Post your pics here, dude. Also, it doesn't help if you weigh yourself EVERY DAY. Do it maybe weekly.
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Good to see you man. Glad you've not forgotten about us.

Really?

I'm surprised to hear you say this, as not only is it contra to the general consensus, but you're aware of the utter bloodbath of rejection that has been my experience up until now, and how this has potentially distorted my view of women. I have done online dating before, on Tinder for over a 1 year (~6 matches, none would respond). Was on OKCupid and PlentyOfFish for around 2 years, messaging every other day, and tried to initiate conversations with around 4-600 women. Absolutely none of them replied. I had my friends check my messages and posted online for help etc, people were quite baffled at the time, this was years ago so perhaps people didn't understand how savage women are on dating sites. This appears to have gotten far worse now. My cold approach phase was around 2 years, and I racked up 2,000 approaches, and needless to say, women wanted nothing to do with me and made this very clear LOL. My friends were getting hundreds of matches, easily pulling on cold approach, women from all over were travelling sometimes hours to see them, etc.

All of this was when I was between 200-215lbs, lifting regularly, and otherwise doing fine. However, my anxiety levels were not all the way in check, and I was not as well-rounded as a person as I am now. It is going to take a lot for me to make progress and this will be a several-year journey, but I will spell this out now while I am dropping weight,

Fast forward to now, you know that I'm 40lbs overweight, right? I can tell you from personal experience that makes you completely invisible to women, non-existent, you are simply not there. It's like entering a different world. I cannot imagine the frustration I will go through on online dating right now. When I was doing all this, online dating wasn't as entrenched in our culture as it is now, and it had not fully penetrated the modern mind.

It would be actual torture and probably make me develop some seriously negative beliefs around women. I am not wanting to go down that road....I haven't got time to waste, I'm 30 in 2 months.

For me to have any hope at all, I'll have to come in lean and healthy-looking, and thereafter it'll be a case of taking good pictures and working on my appearance. We seemed to have consensus on this, it's advice laid out by Andy in the Tinder guide, and in light of the standards women have for men today and the barbarism of online dating today, it seems obvious.

MAC
 
Put away that negative perspective and stop crying. Not saying this to hurt you. Who cares that you're overweight, maybe some girls are into it? Ofc leaner = better. But why wait for life to happen, when you'll become leaner, when you can start/keep trying now.

I am getting only few matches a week myself, but I keep trying. Last year had a good run of dates, eventhough I was getting the same amount of matches. At that point I felt like I am something, I can text, I can date, I can escalate with kissing etc eventhough I don't have that much relationship experience, life experience alone helps too.

So man up, stop stabbing yourself in the back. 2k approaches is awesome, so you have the strength behind. So just be you, while working on yourself. Good luck.
 
MakingAComeback said:
I have done online dating before, on Tinder for over a 1 year (~6 matches, none would respond).
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youngverse_ said:
I am getting only few matches a week myself, but I keep trying.
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I like that part. It's basically "I get as much matches in a week as you did get in a whole year. Why would you give up" lol.
 
Anyway, back to productive action:

Working hard, all going well.

Diet is going well, weight loss is slow, but it will drop - because I've been at the weight I am now for a long time, a bit of a set-point has built up. That will come down.

Exercising regularly, spending time with friends, and enjoying my hobby (guitar) a lot.

The weight will come down...and I am working on the career change stuff.

All in all, a lot of work is going in, and results will start to show. Honestly when I get to 230lbs I will be fucking happy. It will give me a lot of joy truly. And I can also do it, it will happen :)

MAC
 
Lostcause said:
MakingAComeback said:
I have done online dating before, on Tinder for over a 1 year (~6 matches, none would respond).
Click to expand...
youngverse_ said:
I am getting only few matches a week myself, but I keep trying.
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I like that part. It's basically "I get as much matches in a week as you did get in a whole year. Why would you give up" lol.
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So what you're saying basically is to give up, until he will lose weight and he will magically not be ignored? 6 matches is better than 0.
I knew overweight, below average looking associate that always had some girl by his side so that proves that it's not the weight that is the problem.
Yeah online dating requires good looks and appearance, I am not there myself, but that doesn't stop me from trying.
 
MakingAComeback said:
Also, it doesn't help if you weigh yourself EVERY DAY. Do it maybe weekly
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It helps.

Weighing yourself weekly/monthly is a conspiracy started by genetically lean people to mess up with us who struggle with excess weight.

MakingAComeback if you havent already, read about "body fat setpoint". It will explain why weight loss is slow and why you'll almost never again have to worry about weight gain when you finally succeed.
 
Crisis_Overcomer said:
MakingAComeback said:
Also, it doesn't help if you weigh yourself EVERY DAY. Do it maybe weekly
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It helps.

Weighing yourself weekly/monthly is a conspiracy started by genetically lean people to mess up with us who struggle with excess weight.

@MakingAComeback if you havent already, read about "body fat setpoint". It will explain why weight loss is slow and why you'll almost never again have to worry about weight gain when you finally succeed.
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Thank you brother.

Oh, my, music to my ears. Yes I have studied the set point theory, through Jon Gabriel mostly, also Ari Witten, and my God was it healing to my soul. I joined Jon's group and I have seen many people lower their setpoint and truly transform their body through good diet, removing frustration and being kind to one's body, and becoming lean over time. Like you say, these people never struggle with weight again once their set point has lowered.

Thanks for posting that bro I needed that today.

PK47 said:
Hey, keep up the great work, man! It's incredibly difficult to lose weight and the perseverance you have is key. You'll get there one day at a time, dude, so just keep at it. Guitar is a fantastic and incredibly fun hobby (plus, it's one of those hobbies that some women find SO sexy).
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Thank you so much bro, it means a lot. I will keep hammering and thank you for saying that about guitar, truly my heart feels lighter when playing, it soothes me so much and I just love the instrument.

I will get there guys and will just keep showing up, being consistent, and execute the plan as advised.

MAC
 
MakingAComeback said:
So what you're saying basically is to give up, until he will lose weight and he will magically not be ignored? 6 matches is better than 0.
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I am saying to not be a martyr. You are not better then anyone else for fighting a lost fight. Seen my nickname? Been there, seen that.
When you finally reach the stage where you start looking decent your mind will be fucked up.
Why not wait some time, get in shape and get a headstart instead? When you learn swimming you dont jump in the deep water and drown. And when you get rescued you won't get to say "well, at least I am trying.. you saying I better give up?".
 
Lostcause said:
MakingAComeback said:
So what you're saying basically is to give up, until he will lose weight and he will magically not be ignored? 6 matches is better than 0.
Click to expand...
I am saying to not be a martyr. You are not better then anyone else for fighting a lost fight. Seen my nickname? Been there, seen that.
When you finally reach the stage where you start looking decent your mind will be fucked up.
Why not wait some time, get in shape and get a headstart instead? When you learn swimming you dont jump in the deep water and drown. And when you get rescued you won't get to say "well, at least I am trying.. you saying I better give up?".
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Sure, to each their own. There is no wrong path here.
 
Lostcause said:
MakingAComeback said:
So what you're saying basically is to give up, until he will lose weight and he will magically not be ignored? 6 matches is better than 0.
Click to expand...
I am saying to not be a martyr. You are not better then anyone else for fighting a lost fight. Seen my nickname? Been there, seen that.
When you finally reach the stage where you start looking decent your mind will be fucked up.
Why not wait some time, get in shape and get a headstart instead? When you learn swimming you dont jump in the deep water and drown. And when you get rescued you won't get to say "well, at least I am trying.. you saying I better give up?".
Click to expand...

Thanks for a valuable post bro, I appreciate you very much.

Your point has been echoed by so many who have been here, Andy posted in my thread on page 2 stating that the priority needs to be weight loss right now (he has coached so many men through this and did it himself), people like the OG Thebastard who have truly been there and done it all said what you said, and there have been many others who said the same thing. All thoughtful, well-read, informed, intelligent men who really want to help, and are also getting after it themselves.

You don't need to argue with this guy (there's no need to engage him) because I totally agree with you and everyone else said the same thing you did. Also, they have been supportive, considerate, mindful, and actually know how to help people - they didn't come here with a stinking attitude, tell me to stop crying, and dismiss the fucking effort I put in every second of my day to be a better person and achieve my goals. If you look at most posters in this community, most dudes really want to help and see you succeed are humble enough to not come here with 5 posts and talk shit, lol.

I'll get there and you will also achieve amazing things in life. I appreciate the time you take to share your knowledge and insight and where I can share value I will do the same. Have a great day brother.

MAC
 
How come you expect a person to have load of posts without discussing? haha. I am not here to attack you, but you feel attacked and that is not my problem. No worries, you're gonna get there someday. Adios.
 
All good man. No one feels attacked, feedback is welcome. That said, it's usually best to actually read the thread, respect the goals that an individual has formed that are underpinned by dialogue with several well-informed and experienced men (first few pages make this clear). Thanks for taking the time to post anyway, good luck.

MAC
 
Work was great. CEO returned back to work today, as you know I am a direct report to her helping her develop the Strategic Plan and I had to let her know I have an appointment tomorrow. She called me worried that I had a job interview - LOL. I was flattered. Where this current organisation is, they do need a restructure, and they do need an innovative portfolio of institutional offers to engage their stakeholders. I'm developing that portfolio and I can tell the work I've done in the sector has given me a lot, it has, but fuck me is the long-term progression from here so far from what I want. I know Senior Managers, CEOs, very experienced and brilliant people who've never broken 6 figures in long, gruelling careers. The work these people do is damn hard, complicated, involves a lot of very tough situations, negotiations, political astuteness. Great skills to have, and I have spoken to them about increasing their earnings/revenue streams. Many of these folks are older (50, 60+) and their goals when they were young were actually to do jobs like these as opposed to making a certain amount of money or living a certain lifestyle. Interesting, but I know that's not me.

I started self-teaching Paid Search yesterday and I am learning a lot about spreadsheets, formula and functions, and managing data. As a PM, I use Gantt charts and things like that, but for the most part the logs and tracking documents I use don't require a lot of spreadsheet skill. I am picking it up fast and feel good cognitively.

Learning and retention has improved since making a concerted attempt at improving sleep the past few months. It really is huge for function and if you haven't seen it, check out Matt Walker's Ted Talk.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MuIMqhT8DM&t=1s

Sleep can literally be a superpower and has the power to unlock deep intelligence and capacity. My mind is sharpening by the month. It's a long-term process.

MAC
 
BW: 242.0

Day off work today. Will train, study, play guitar, and get some life admin done.
 
Had a long hard day yesterday including a trip to the courthouse to support a friend. All was good, but an intense day. He got a positive outcome and was happy. I went home, went for a walk, worked out, and chilled out. Was a hard day so left me a bit tired, hit the hay at 8pm. Woke up in the early am and just reflected on things for a few hours.

Checked my weight but it was off as I got up early and drank a good bit of water. Normal programming resumes now. Plenty of work ahead today.

MAC
 
I used to have crippling insomnia to the point where I visited a dedicated sleeping clinic, where they hook you up with all kinds of machinery to track your sleep and brain waves, and all they said after a horrible night was "oops, you slept so little we couldn't actually gather enough data to help you."

I'm just going to share what worked for me to fix this shit, after years of experimentation:

  • All the basics like dark, cold room, no caffeine after noon, etc.
  • 5-HTP, 50mg, 1 hour before bed
  • ZMA, 3 pills (can't remember dosage), 1 hour before bed
  • Melatonin, 3mg, 30 min before bed
  • Camomile tea with glycine (teaspoon) right before bed

It sounds like a lot but it's the only thing that consistently gets me 8-9 hours of sleep, and it's an overnight solution instead of this long process where you try to optimize your sleep. I wouldn't recommend you instantly take all of this stuff, but experiment first. The combination of 5-HTP with melatonin was a gamechanger for me, you might only need one of the two.
 
Holden said:
I used to have crippling insomnia to the point where I visited a dedicated sleeping clinic, where they hook you up with all kinds of machinery to track your sleep and brain waves, and all they said after a horrible night was "oops, you slept so little we couldn't actually gather enough data to help you."

I'm just going to share what worked for me to fix this shit, after years of experimentation:

  • All the basics like dark, cold room, no caffeine after noon, etc.
  • 5-HTP, 50mg, 1 hour before bed
  • ZMA, 3 pills (can't remember dosage), 1 hour before bed
  • Melatonin, 3mg, 30 min before bed
  • Camomile tea with glycine (teaspoon) right before bed

It sounds like a lot but it's the only thing that consistently gets me 8-9 hours of sleep, and it's an overnight solution instead of this long process where you try to optimize your sleep. I wouldn't recommend you instantly take all of this stuff, but experiment first. The combination of 5-HTP with melatonin was a gamechanger for me, you might only need one of the two.
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I screenshotted this just in case that horrible day comes where insomnia comes a knockin. Such great bountiful insights and experiences to be found on this forum :D
 
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