Spider’s Progress Log 🕷 DAY 366: Continuation Log Link ⛓️

[Spider Jerusalem]

Good shit man! You're taking action to building the life you love. Much respect - tbh I didn't imagine you'd take our advice and actually take action.

Keep surprising me, and follow through with your promises! Your success will come as long as you don't quit.

Hey thanks man! I'm grateful to you for helping me see the error of my ways

I do want to start dating again, but I need to get my head right first and set those important boundaries with myself and make sure I don't start slipping into the old behaviours. I also need to figure out what I want from it.

Once I got all those things locked down, I'll get back out there and hit it

Thanks again for your support, Joe - always much appreciated!

Regards,

Spider

 

[MILFandCookies]

Good shit man! You're taking action to building the life you love. Much respect - tbh I didn't imagine you'd take our advice and actually take action.

Keep surprising me, and follow through with your promises! Your success will come as long as you don't quit.

Hey thanks man! I'm grateful to you for helping me see the error of my ways

I do want to start dating again, but I need to get my head right first and set those important boundaries with myself and make sure I don't start slipping into the old behaviours. I also need to figure out what I want from it.

Once I got all those things locked down, I'll get back out there and hit it

Thanks again for your support, Joe - always much appreciated!

Regards,

Spider

For sure...

Why do you have to get it perfect though? The only way you build new habits is by... well... actually doing them.

What if you allowed yourself to suck like Andy talks about, and slowly improved with every date you go on?

You're not going to be perfect. Not now, and not if you "get your head right first" and try later.

So why not get back into the game now with the only goal of being a little better with your dating habits with each date? Eventually you'll be exactly where you want to be, and you'll have a lot of fun along the way.

 

[Mack]

pm

Hey thanks man! I'm grateful to you for helping me see the error of my ways

I do want to start dating again, but I need to get my head right first and set those important boundaries with myself and make sure I don't start slipping into the old behaviours. I also need to figure out what I want from it.

Once I got all those things locked down, I'll get back out there and hit it

Thanks again for your support, Joe - always much appreciated!

Regards,

Spider

For sure...

Why do you have to get it perfect though? The only way you build new habits is by... well... actually doing them.

What if you allowed yourself to suck like Andy talks about, and slowly improved with every date you go on?

You're not going to be perfect. Not now, and not if you "get your head right first" and try later.

So why not get back into the game now with the only goal of being a little better with your dating habits with each date? Eventually you'll be exactly where you want to be, and you'll have a lot of fun along the way.

give him a break, Andy didn't approach girls for like 7 months even after completing the AA program, and during that time he analyzed his beliefs...

not saying it's the best option... but! if our lord and savior Andy did it...

but for real, maybe 1-2 months would do good...

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Hey thanks man! I'm grateful to you for helping me see the error of my ways

I do want to start dating again, but I need to get my head right first and set those important boundaries with myself and make sure I don't start slipping into the old behaviours. I also need to figure out what I want from it.

Once I got all those things locked down, I'll get back out there and hit it

Thanks again for your support, Joe - always much appreciated!

Regards,

Spider

For sure...

Why do you have to get it perfect though? The only way you build new habits is by... well... actually doing them.

What if you allowed yourself to suck like Andy talks about, and slowly improved with every date you go on?

You're not going to be perfect. Not now, and not if you "get your head right first" and try later.

So why not get back into the game now with the only goal of being a little better with your dating habits with each date? Eventually you'll be exactly where you want to be, and you'll have a lot of fun along the way.

MILFandCookies Yeah that makes sense thinking about it - I agree with you

I know it's not going to be perfect (and it never will be) but practice does make perfect like you say. At the moment, dating isn't high on my list of priorities (I want to get a career first and bulk up as my main goals) but saying that I do see your point now and I'm starting to think taking a year out like I'd originally planned is probably a bit extreme in hindsight. Plus a 1 hour coffee date with someone once a fortnight isn't exactly going to be much of a distraction from my fitness and career goals.

I'm now leaning towards just taking a few months off like Mack has suggested rather than the full year I originally planned just to analyse and reassess my past behaviours. Then I might start sticking to just local dates where I grab coffee for an hour with a chick - nothing heavy just so I can perfect my game and iron out the past behaviours. I think suffering from 'Tinder Burnout' hasn't helped either and I do kinda want a bit of time away from the swiping apps.

I'll think it over for a couple days and come up with a plan as I do want to start dating again and you do make some good points about getting out there ASAP!

Thanks for the input - You've given me a lot to think about :arrow_up:

Regards,

Spider

 

[MILFandCookies]

pm

For sure...

Why do you have to get it perfect though? The only way you build new habits is by... well... actually doing them.

What if you allowed yourself to suck like Andy talks about, and slowly improved with every date you go on?

You're not going to be perfect. Not now, and not if you "get your head right first" and try later.

So why not get back into the game now with the only goal of being a little better with your dating habits with each date? Eventually you'll be exactly where you want to be, and you'll have a lot of fun along the way.

give him a break, Andy didn't approach girls for like 7 months even after completing the AA program, and during that time he analyzed his beliefs...

not saying it's the best option... but! if our lord and savior Andy did it...

but for real, maybe 1-2 months would do good...

Except Andy regrets this and suggests others not repeat the same mistake. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, Andy.

Sure, def. don't be hard on yourself Spider Jerusalem but the best way to improve something is to take small steps over time. I wouldn't take a couple months off. You'd lose momentum and slide backwards, then when you start trying again you'll be even more discouraged.

I'd go slow and steady right now. Swipe on apps when it's convenient perhaps, and limit dates to 1/week if it's exhausting.

Over time it'll get easier, and you'll learn to have fun and you can take the breaks off and start accelerating. Def. don't push yourself too hard, but also don't put on the emergency breaks.

If you go slow and steady you'll look up one day and be like "damn, how'd I get here?!?!"

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

give him a break, Andy didn't approach girls for like 7 months even after completing the AA program, and during that time he analyzed his beliefs...

not saying it's the best option... but! if our lord and savior Andy did it...

but for real, maybe 1-2 months would do good...

Except Andy regrets this and suggests others not repeat the same mistake. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, Andy.

Sure, def. don't be hard on yourself @Spider Jerusalem but the best way to improve something is to take small steps over time. I wouldn't take a couple months off. You'd lose momentum and slide backwards, then when you start trying again you'll be even more discouraged.

I'd go slow and steady right now. Swipe on apps when it's convenient perhaps, and limit dates to 1/week if it's exhausting.

Over time it'll get easier, and you'll learn to have fun and you can take the breaks off and start accelerating. Def. don't push yourself too hard, but also don't put on the emergency breaks.

If you go slow and steady you'll look up one day and be like "damn, how'd I get here?!?!"

MILFandCookies Hey thanks Joe - I've yet to read the article on the AA programme, but it would be good to see Andy's thoughts and experiences with it and the subsequent break he took. I'll check out his website and read that particular article in the meantime.

I might re-download Tinder and the other apps and get swiping a little, but not put myself under too much pressure and sink too much time and money into it - both mistakes I've made in the past. I've still got my Tinder Photos and they look fairly decent, so I could re-use those and wouldn't have to take any more.

As time goes on I could commit to it a bit more. Least I wouldn't be totally out the game.

1 Date a week could be manageable if just for an hour and I could just swipe/check messages for like 10 minutes each day at a set time.

Failing that maybe even start with one date a fortnight and then move to one a week. My big issue was that Tinder became like a chore and I stopped having fun with it. From what I can see now, I'm starting to realise it's a mindset issue.

I'll take a couple days to think about it and then let you know what I'm gonna do.

Thanks again man - you've been a big help.

Regards,

Spider

 

[MILFandCookies]

Except Andy regrets this and suggests others not repeat the same mistake. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, Andy.

Sure, def. don't be hard on yourself @Spider Jerusalem but the best way to improve something is to take small steps over time. I wouldn't take a couple months off. You'd lose momentum and slide backwards, then when you start trying again you'll be even more discouraged.

I'd go slow and steady right now. Swipe on apps when it's convenient perhaps, and limit dates to 1/week if it's exhausting.

Over time it'll get easier, and you'll learn to have fun and you can take the breaks off and start accelerating. Def. don't push yourself too hard, but also don't put on the emergency breaks.

If you go slow and steady you'll look up one day and be like "damn, how'd I get here?!?!"

@MILFandCookies Hey thanks Joe - I've yet to read the article on the AA programme, but it would be good to see Andy's thoughts and experiences with it and the subsequent break he took. I'll check out his website and read that particular article in the meantime.

I might re-download Tinder and the other apps and get swiping a little, but not put myself under too much pressure and sink too much time and money into it - both mistakes I've made in the past. I've still got my Tinder Photos and they look fairly decent, so I could re-use those and wouldn't have to take any more.

As time goes on I could commit to it a bit more. Least I wouldn't be totally out the game.

1 Date a week could be manageable if just for an hour and I could just swipe/check messages for like 10 minutes each day at a set time.

Failing that maybe even start with one date a fortnight and then move to one a week. My big issue was that Tinder became like a chore and I stopped having fun with it. From what I can see now, I'm starting to realise it's a mindset issue.

I'll take a couple days to think about it and then let you know what I'm gonna do.

Thanks again man - you've been a big help.

Regards,

Spider

Nice. Yeah man I don't suggest a hard break but go as slow as you need to. No need to go hard - consistency > brief flurries of action.

Over time you'll get more comfortable, but no need to hurry the process as long as you're consistent.

Looking forward to seeing you get the dating life you crave!

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

@MILFandCookies Hey thanks Joe - I've yet to read the article on the AA programme, but it would be good to see Andy's thoughts and experiences with it and the subsequent break he took. I'll check out his website and read that particular article in the meantime.

I might re-download Tinder and the other apps and get swiping a little, but not put myself under too much pressure and sink too much time and money into it - both mistakes I've made in the past. I've still got my Tinder Photos and they look fairly decent, so I could re-use those and wouldn't have to take any more.

As time goes on I could commit to it a bit more. Least I wouldn't be totally out the game.

1 Date a week could be manageable if just for an hour and I could just swipe/check messages for like 10 minutes each day at a set time.

Failing that maybe even start with one date a fortnight and then move to one a week. My big issue was that Tinder became like a chore and I stopped having fun with it. From what I can see now, I'm starting to realise it's a mindset issue.

I'll take a couple days to think about it and then let you know what I'm gonna do.

Thanks again man - you've been a big help.

Regards,

Spider

Nice. Yeah man I don't suggest a hard break but go as slow as you need to. No need to go hard - consistency > brief flurries of action.

Over time you'll get more comfortable, but no need to hurry the process as long as you're consistent.

Looking forward to seeing you get the dating life you crave!

MILFandCookies

Definitely given me a lot to think about!

I'll think about what I wanna do and then update on here - I'm leaning towards easing into the dating and taking it slow like you say so I don't get too attached or taken for a ride. I'll tag you in and keep you in the loop :arrow_up:

Thanks again man

Regards,

Spider

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 6: 16/10/2021

Today I listened to Episode #7 of Andy's podcasts regarding the 365 day project he did. I'm a little late to the party, but I've decided to do a 365 day project myself:

'I Pledge that I will post into my progress log on the forum once a day for 365 days'

I have found that journaling on here has so far been highly beneficial as it has enabled me to find out more about myself, hold myself accountable on how I am working towards my goals and allowed me to seek advice from other forum members. It has also helped me clarify a few things and establish what exactly I want out of life. If I am to keep posting on here, I strongly believe that the chances of me achieving my goals will increase significantly.

Today's progress report:

• - Listened to Episode #7 of Andy's Podcast and picked a 365 day project
  
  - Started listening to Episode #8 (Fascist dictatorships in Melbourne) but my internet cut out. Will listen later. Very interesting subject - I wrote my university dissertation on Police technology during COVID being comparable to Orwell's '1984' novel so will definitely carry on with this. Interesting to hear the Australian perspective. It's a long one, so will probably listen to it in sections with breaks in between
  
  - Read my Berserk manga instead of wasting time playing Xbox
  
  - Bought another Berserk Manga - should arrive tomorrow. Getting hooked on these and slowly building my novel collection
  
  - Shopped around for a suit online for when I eventually get a job interview. Going to make an investment into this
  
  - Made notes on episode Andy's Podcast Episode #5 - Running TOWARDS fear. Will re-read whenever I feel fearful of my upcoming goals which is mainly driving again after so long
  
  - No-Fap: Day 6. Still going strong. Really pleased with my progress on this - next milestone is a full week (tomorrow). Will update here tomorrow once day 7 has been met
  
  - looked on LinkedIn for jobs and work to give me an idea of what's out there
  
  - Joined a Volkswagen Forum and asked a few questions about my car - I feel a bit more confident about driving and that this is helping me get to grips and become familiar with the car. A little thing, but helping a bit.
  
  - I have continued to work on my dating guide. I have finished a section on the strict rules e.g. No travelling further than 10 miles, avoid Timewasters etc. I have also came up with a game plan/method which I have noted down and will try when I do start dating again. I'm leaning towards having a couple weeks off and then getting back into it. I am still considering what I want from dating, but have a rough idea. Will post more on this tomorrow once I've had a bit longer to think on it
  
  - Have been more active on Instagram putting a few posts on and will continue to do so - I think this will help me when I start dating again. Showcasing a varied and interesting life may give me more pull and increase my attraction. I'll have a play around with this. It's going to be trial and error either way, but I'm kind of looking forward to the challenge :arrow_up:

That's today's update done - gonna rest a little now and read around on the forums for a spell. I'm still coughing shit up :roll: so I'm hopefully going to look into the more physical goals from next week i.e. the gym, running and Jiu-Jitsu.

Papers are saying the 'cold from hell' is going around due to masks and COVID meaning that immunities haven't been being built for 18/24 months so I think this one is going to linger for a while. Fingers crossed it goes away soon so I can get on with it.

Photos have been posted below for accountability purposes.

Thanks for reading!

Regards,

Spider

 

[Radical]

Oh you live in the UK?

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Oh you live in the UK?

Hey Radical

Yes mate - I’m in the Midlands

Wherabouts are you?

 

[Radical]

South coast, I was in Manchester til last month

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

South coast, I was in Manchester til last month

Radical Oh nice - I was down South myself in Devon earlier this year by Brixham. Pity I wasn't on the forums back then and in contact with you - I'd have grabbed a drink with you or something

I like your style guide by the way - I downloaded it recently and had a look through. Some very good tips so thank you for putting something out there - very helpful :arrow_up: Gonna get myself some accessories etc. soon

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 7: 17/10/2021

So I decided to go back on Tinder and give myself permission to suck after following some of the members advice on here. 'I have my golden rules' and I'm sticking to them e.g. Local only: Don't meet more than 10 miles away, no Psycho Bitches or timewasters etc. and so far I've been sticking to my principles. I have also joined Bumble and Hinge.

I have posted a separate topic on this, but thought I’d also include it here: I have attached my current Tinder photos and any feedback on them would be much appreciated!



I have also got some kind of idea of what I want from dating and have written this in my guide to remind me:

'Initially, I want to date and hook-up with girls and perfect my game by sticking to my new rules and principles. The ones I date who are cool, I’d like to establish a friends with benefits type situation: Ideally 2-3 I can have in rotation and explore my sexual bucket list with. I do not want to settle down or be monogamous'.

Thanks to the following users who encouraged me to get back out there and do it the right way:

Brother_Tucker
MILFandCookies
Mack

Online Dating Report

Bumble

The Goth Girl. Looked a bit crazy, but thought it could just be her style and I don't judge people for how they look and dress, so wanted to probe a bit before I made my decision. Turns out she was a Psycho Bitch. 4 kids (she didn't mention on profile), flips from nice and polite to calling you a C***, seemed keen to meet and would send nudes then a sentence later, called me 'desperate' and 'thirsty' for asking to meet for coffee. Definitely mental health issues in play.

Many Rules broken:Timewaster, Shitty behaviour and a Psycho Bitch. Respectfully told her I didn't want to meet. Blocked and binned (just to be safe!) as per my new dealbreakers/rules. In hindsight I should've blocked a lot sooner, but it was my first match and at least I stuck to my new principles.

The hookup entitlement princess. Asked what I was looking for, I said casual FWB. She was down for the same. Got shitty when I suggested hotel after an initial coffee as I don't have my own place currently due to losing my job with COVID and moving back in. Gave me attitude and called me a 'loser'. Unmatched her straight away - a lot quicker than Goth Girl. practice makes perfect!

Hinge

The Pole Dancer. Asked for Instagram to message her - she gave it, but didn't reply on there and unmatched then ghosted. Guess she changed her mind. Next.

Redhead. Matched with a Redhead - she's probably a 6/10, but good tits and ass from the photos. Asked her for coffee and she's been conveniently 'pinged' by COVID app and has to self-isolate for 10 days. Told her to hit me up in a week or so. Probably gonna ghost, but I'm not wasting time texting her until she can meet. Time will tell.

The semi-goth. Matched with a dark haired chick who's probably semi-goth. Seems okay. Invited for coffee and asked for number to set up - still waiting for a reply. Not holding out much hope as it's been a couple hours.

Tinder

Bought Tinder Gold. Used my free boost at 22:30 last night and... no matches. No-one seems to have 'liked' me either as you can see that with Tinder Gold. I think my app is buggy/broken as it keeps showing me the same girls over and over without any 'you have run out of girls' message. Will try uninstalling then reinstalling the app and take it from there. Have recently updated it.

That's it really for my online dating exploits. I'm making a point to only check once or twice a day and only for 10-15 minutes so as not to get too distracted from my other goals.

Speaking of which:

- No-Fap: Day 7. Couple urges, but fought them off and still in the game.

- Joined some jobsites and got my C.V out there.

- Put a post on Instagram (assist with social proof - online dating game).

- Applied for a job. This is something I may try and make a goal with e.g. apply for 1 job a day until I get employed. Will consider.

- Read some more Manga instead of playing Xbox.

- Another Manga book arrived today (Berserk, Vol. 4).

- Swiped on Tinder, Bumble and Hinge a little (but didn't go mad).

That's it for today. Tried to have a break today with it being Sunday and took it easy a bit. Hope to do more tomorrow and continue working on my goals.

Photos have been posted below for accountability purposes.

Thanks for Reading!

Spider

 

[MILFandCookies]

Day 7: 17/10/2021

So I decided to go back on Tinder and give myself permission to suck after following some of the members advice on here. 'I have my golden rules' and I'm sticking to them e.g. Local only: Don't meet more than 10 miles away, no Psycho Bitches or timewasters etc. and so far I've been sticking to my principles. I have also joined Bumble and Hinge.

I have posted a separate topic on this, but thought I’d also include it here: I have attached my current Tinder photos and any feedback on them would be much appreciated!

859060B5-E2CE-46AB-A385-07F37F2BA916.jpeg

I have also got some kind of idea of what I want from dating and have written this in my guide to remind me:

'Initially, I want to date and hook-up with girls and perfect my game by sticking to my new rules and principles. The ones I date who are cool, I’d like to establish a friends with benefits type situation: Ideally 2-3 I can have in rotation and explore my sexual bucket list with. I do not want to settle down or be monogamous'.

Thanks to the following users who encouraged me to get back out there and do it the right way:

@Brother_Tucker
@MILFandCookies
@Mack

Online Dating Report

Bumble

The Goth Girl. Looked a bit crazy, but thought it could just be her style and I don't judge people for how they look and dress, so wanted to probe a bit before I made my decision. Turns out she was a Psycho Bitch. 4 kids (she didn't mention on profile), flips from nice and polite to calling you a C***, seemed keen to meet and would send nudes then a sentence later, called me 'desperate' and 'thirsty' for asking to meet for coffee. Definitely mental health issues in play.

Many Rules broken:Timewaster, Shitty behaviour and a Psycho Bitch. Respectfully told her I didn't want to meet. Blocked and binned (just to be safe!) as per my new dealbreakers/rules. In hindsight I should've blocked a lot sooner, but it was my first match and at least I stuck to my new principles.

The hookup entitlement princess. Asked what I was looking for, I said casual FWB. She was down for the same. Got shitty when I suggested hotel after an initial coffee as I don't have my own place currently due to losing my job with COVID and moving back in. Gave me attitude and called me a 'loser'. Unmatched her straight away - a lot quicker than Goth Girl. practice makes perfect!

Hinge

The Pole Dancer. Asked for Instagram to message her - she gave it, but didn't reply on there and unmatched then ghosted. Guess she changed her mind. Next.

Redhead. Matched with a Redhead - she's probably a 6/10, but good tits and ass from the photos. Asked her for coffee and she's been conveniently 'pinged' by COVID app and has to self-isolate for 10 days. Told her to hit me up in a week or so. Probably gonna ghost, but I'm not wasting time texting her until she can meet. Time will tell.

The semi-goth. Matched with a dark haired chick who's probably semi-goth. Seems okay. Invited for coffee and asked for number to set up - still waiting for a reply. Not holding out much hope as it's been a couple hours.

Tinder

Bought Tinder Gold. Used my free boost at 22:30 last night and... no matches. No-one seems to have 'liked' me either as you can see that with Tinder Gold. I think my app is buggy/broken as it keeps showing me the same girls over and over without any 'you have run out of girls' message. Will try uninstalling then reinstalling the app and take it from there. Have recently updated it.

That's it really for my online dating exploits. I'm making a point to only check once or twice a day and only for 10-15 minutes so as not to get too distracted from my other goals.

Speaking of which:

- No-Fap: Day 7. Couple urges, but fought them off and still in the game.

- Joined some jobsites and got my C.V out there.

- Put a post on Instagram (assist with social proof - online dating game).

- Applied for a job. This is something I may try and make a goal with e.g. apply for 1 job a day until I get employed. Will consider.

- Read some more Manga instead of playing Xbox.

- Another Manga book arrived today (Berserk, Vol. 4).

- Swiped on Tinder, Bumble and Hinge a little (but didn't go mad).

That's it for today. Tried to have a break today with it being Sunday and took it easy a bit. Hope to do more tomorrow and continue working on my goals.

Photos have been posted below for accountability purposes.

Thanks for Reading!

Spider

Hell yeah man! You're starting to have healthy boundaries. I'm proud of you and excited to see where this goes!

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 7: 17/10/2021

So I decided to go back on Tinder and give myself permission to suck after following some of the members advice on here. 'I have my golden rules' and I'm sticking to them e.g. Local only: Don't meet more than 10 miles away, no Psycho Bitches or timewasters etc. and so far I've been sticking to my principles. I have also joined Bumble and Hinge.

I have posted a separate topic on this, but thought I’d also include it here: I have attached my current Tinder photos and any feedback on them would be much appreciated!

859060B5-E2CE-46AB-A385-07F37F2BA916.jpeg

I have also got some kind of idea of what I want from dating and have written this in my guide to remind me:

'Initially, I want to date and hook-up with girls and perfect my game by sticking to my new rules and principles. The ones I date who are cool, I’d like to establish a friends with benefits type situation: Ideally 2-3 I can have in rotation and explore my sexual bucket list with. I do not want to settle down or be monogamous'.

Thanks to the following users who encouraged me to get back out there and do it the right way:

@Brother_Tucker
@MILFandCookies
@Mack

Online Dating Report

Bumble

The Goth Girl. Looked a bit crazy, but thought it could just be her style and I don't judge people for how they look and dress, so wanted to probe a bit before I made my decision. Turns out she was a Psycho Bitch. 4 kids (she didn't mention on profile), flips from nice and polite to calling you a C***, seemed keen to meet and would send nudes then a sentence later, called me 'desperate' and 'thirsty' for asking to meet for coffee. Definitely mental health issues in play.

Many Rules broken:Timewaster, Shitty behaviour and a Psycho Bitch. Respectfully told her I didn't want to meet. Blocked and binned (just to be safe!) as per my new dealbreakers/rules. In hindsight I should've blocked a lot sooner, but it was my first match and at least I stuck to my new principles.

The hookup entitlement princess. Asked what I was looking for, I said casual FWB. She was down for the same. Got shitty when I suggested hotel after an initial coffee as I don't have my own place currently due to losing my job with COVID and moving back in. Gave me attitude and called me a 'loser'. Unmatched her straight away - a lot quicker than Goth Girl. practice makes perfect!

Hinge

The Pole Dancer. Asked for Instagram to message her - she gave it, but didn't reply on there and unmatched then ghosted. Guess she changed her mind. Next.

Redhead. Matched with a Redhead - she's probably a 6/10, but good tits and ass from the photos. Asked her for coffee and she's been conveniently 'pinged' by COVID app and has to self-isolate for 10 days. Told her to hit me up in a week or so. Probably gonna ghost, but I'm not wasting time texting her until she can meet. Time will tell.

The semi-goth. Matched with a dark haired chick who's probably semi-goth. Seems okay. Invited for coffee and asked for number to set up - still waiting for a reply. Not holding out much hope as it's been a couple hours.

Tinder

Bought Tinder Gold. Used my free boost at 22:30 last night and... no matches. No-one seems to have 'liked' me either as you can see that with Tinder Gold. I think my app is buggy/broken as it keeps showing me the same girls over and over without any 'you have run out of girls' message. Will try uninstalling then reinstalling the app and take it from there. Have recently updated it.

That's it really for my online dating exploits. I'm making a point to only check once or twice a day and only for 10-15 minutes so as not to get too distracted from my other goals.

Speaking of which:

- No-Fap: Day 7. Couple urges, but fought them off and still in the game.

- Joined some jobsites and got my C.V out there.

- Put a post on Instagram (assist with social proof - online dating game).

- Applied for a job. This is something I may try and make a goal with e.g. apply for 1 job a day until I get employed. Will consider.

- Read some more Manga instead of playing Xbox.

- Another Manga book arrived today (Berserk, Vol. 4).

- Swiped on Tinder, Bumble and Hinge a little (but didn't go mad).

That's it for today. Tried to have a break today with it being Sunday and took it easy a bit. Hope to do more tomorrow and continue working on my goals.

Photos have been posted below for accountability purposes.

Thanks for Reading!

Spider

Hell yeah man! You're starting to have healthy boundaries. I'm proud of you and excited to see where this goes!

Thanks Joe! appreciate you continued help and support

Regards,

Spider

 

[Brother_Tucker]

Day 7: 17/10/2021

So I decided to go back on Tinder and give myself permission to suck after following some of the members advice on here. 'I have my golden rules' and I'm sticking to them e.g. Local only: Don't meet more than 10 miles away, no Psycho Bitches or timewasters etc. and so far I've been sticking to my principles. I have also joined Bumble and Hinge.

I have posted a separate topic on this, but thought I’d also include it here: I have attached my current Tinder photos and any feedback on them would be much appreciated!

859060B5-E2CE-46AB-A385-07F37F2BA916.jpeg

I have also got some kind of idea of what I want from dating and have written this in my guide to remind me:

'Initially, I want to date and hook-up with girls and perfect my game by sticking to my new rules and principles. The ones I date who are cool, I’d like to establish a friends with benefits type situation: Ideally 2-3 I can have in rotation and explore my sexual bucket list with. I do not want to settle down or be monogamous'.

Thanks to the following users who encouraged me to get back out there and do it the right way:

@Brother_Tucker
@MILFandCookies
@Mack

Online Dating Report

Bumble

The Goth Girl. Looked a bit crazy, but thought it could just be her style and I don't judge people for how they look and dress, so wanted to probe a bit before I made my decision. Turns out she was a Psycho Bitch. 4 kids (she didn't mention on profile), flips from nice and polite to calling you a C***, seemed keen to meet and would send nudes then a sentence later, called me 'desperate' and 'thirsty' for asking to meet for coffee. Definitely mental health issues in play.

Many Rules broken:Timewaster, Shitty behaviour and a Psycho Bitch. Respectfully told her I didn't want to meet. Blocked and binned (just to be safe!) as per my new dealbreakers/rules. In hindsight I should've blocked a lot sooner, but it was my first match and at least I stuck to my new principles.

The hookup entitlement princess. Asked what I was looking for, I said casual FWB. She was down for the same. Got shitty when I suggested hotel after an initial coffee as I don't have my own place currently due to losing my job with COVID and moving back in. Gave me attitude and called me a 'loser'. Unmatched her straight away - a lot quicker than Goth Girl. practice makes perfect!

Hinge

The Pole Dancer. Asked for Instagram to message her - she gave it, but didn't reply on there and unmatched then ghosted. Guess she changed her mind. Next.

Redhead. Matched with a Redhead - she's probably a 6/10, but good tits and ass from the photos. Asked her for coffee and she's been conveniently 'pinged' by COVID app and has to self-isolate for 10 days. Told her to hit me up in a week or so. Probably gonna ghost, but I'm not wasting time texting her until she can meet. Time will tell.

The semi-goth. Matched with a dark haired chick who's probably semi-goth. Seems okay. Invited for coffee and asked for number to set up - still waiting for a reply. Not holding out much hope as it's been a couple hours.

Tinder

Bought Tinder Gold. Used my free boost at 22:30 last night and... no matches. No-one seems to have 'liked' me either as you can see that with Tinder Gold. I think my app is buggy/broken as it keeps showing me the same girls over and over without any 'you have run out of girls' message. Will try uninstalling then reinstalling the app and take it from there. Have recently updated it.

That's it really for my online dating exploits. I'm making a point to only check once or twice a day and only for 10-15 minutes so as not to get too distracted from my other goals.

Speaking of which:

- No-Fap: Day 7. Couple urges, but fought them off and still in the game.

- Joined some jobsites and got my C.V out there.

- Put a post on Instagram (assist with social proof - online dating game).

- Applied for a job. This is something I may try and make a goal with e.g. apply for 1 job a day until I get employed. Will consider.

- Read some more Manga instead of playing Xbox.

- Another Manga book arrived today (Berserk, Vol. 4).

- Swiped on Tinder, Bumble and Hinge a little (but didn't go mad).

That's it for today. Tried to have a break today with it being Sunday and took it easy a bit. Hope to do more tomorrow and continue working on my goals.

Photos have been posted below for accountability purposes.

Thanks for Reading!

Spider

This post is a big step forward, good work. Don't get too hung up on the first goth girl, as soon as you realized who she was you made the right call and didn't invest your time into her, that is 100% better than the previous situations you have been in.

Redhead. Matched with a Redhead - she's probably a 6/10, but good tits and ass from the photos.

Try not to get too hung up on the attractive scale. For you the first step is establishing healthy boundaries and getting some FWB situations set up. You can have some amazing FWB experiences with average girls and they are generally really cool to be around. That's not to say this is what you're doing, but try and keep in mind your goals are more important than how hot we might think she is.

The hookup entitlement princess. Asked what I was looking for, I said casual FWB. She was down for the same. Got shitty when I suggested hotel after an initial coffee as I don't have my own place currently due to losing my job with COVID and moving back in. Gave me attitude and called me a 'loser'. Unmatched her straight away - a lot quicker than Goth Girl. practice makes perfect!

You did the right thing after you found out she was rude and unpleasant. TBH I wouldn't have pitched the hotel until after you met on the date to see if she's crazy. You can always pull her into one as a spur of the moment type thing if things are going well, but don't put yourself into a position where you pre book the hotel and get flaked on. if coffee is going well take her out for a walk, kiss her near the hotel and say lets do something crazy then take her by the hand and run her into the hotel. This way it looks spontaneous and gives her "it just happened". If you pre pitch it, she's opting in directly and it can feel sleezy. She wants a story to brag to her friends about how her hot date went so well you both lost control and had to run into a hotel for super hot sex.

Lastly for your photos, 1,2,8 are good photos, these are better than most that guys push out with. The ones with your back showing should be rotated out first, they aren't spectacular and people cant see your face. That said, I actually have a photo with my back showing in my line up but it was taken during rock climbing with a vest on so it shows my rear deltoids off and is my discreet body brag pic, apparently a lot of my dates say that pic is really hot and one of the reasons they swiped. If you use Tinder smart photos, the last thing you need is Tinder trying to be helpful showing your back as picture one to a girl that could be open to you. Photo 9 would be good if taken anywhere else other than in your house. It has just the right level of not Mr. right but Mr. Right Now about it. If 9 was taken on the beach where 6 was you would have a great photo there.

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 7: 17/10/2021

So I decided to go back on Tinder and give myself permission to suck after following some of the members advice on here. 'I have my golden rules' and I'm sticking to them e.g. Local only: Don't meet more than 10 miles away, no Psycho Bitches or timewasters etc. and so far I've been sticking to my principles. I have also joined Bumble and Hinge.

I have posted a separate topic on this, but thought I’d also include it here: I have attached my current Tinder photos and any feedback on them would be much appreciated!

859060B5-E2CE-46AB-A385-07F37F2BA916.jpeg

I have also got some kind of idea of what I want from dating and have written this in my guide to remind me:

'Initially, I want to date and hook-up with girls and perfect my game by sticking to my new rules and principles. The ones I date who are cool, I’d like to establish a friends with benefits type situation: Ideally 2-3 I can have in rotation and explore my sexual bucket list with. I do not want to settle down or be monogamous'.

Thanks to the following users who encouraged me to get back out there and do it the right way:

@Brother_Tucker
@MILFandCookies
@Mack

Online Dating Report

Bumble

The Goth Girl. Looked a bit crazy, but thought it could just be her style and I don't judge people for how they look and dress, so wanted to probe a bit before I made my decision. Turns out she was a Psycho Bitch. 4 kids (she didn't mention on profile), flips from nice and polite to calling you a C***, seemed keen to meet and would send nudes then a sentence later, called me 'desperate' and 'thirsty' for asking to meet for coffee. Definitely mental health issues in play.

Many Rules broken:Timewaster, Shitty behaviour and a Psycho Bitch. Respectfully told her I didn't want to meet. Blocked and binned (just to be safe!) as per my new dealbreakers/rules. In hindsight I should've blocked a lot sooner, but it was my first match and at least I stuck to my new principles.

The hookup entitlement princess. Asked what I was looking for, I said casual FWB. She was down for the same. Got shitty when I suggested hotel after an initial coffee as I don't have my own place currently due to losing my job with COVID and moving back in. Gave me attitude and called me a 'loser'. Unmatched her straight away - a lot quicker than Goth Girl. practice makes perfect!

Hinge

The Pole Dancer. Asked for Instagram to message her - she gave it, but didn't reply on there and unmatched then ghosted. Guess she changed her mind. Next.

Redhead. Matched with a Redhead - she's probably a 6/10, but good tits and ass from the photos. Asked her for coffee and she's been conveniently 'pinged' by COVID app and has to self-isolate for 10 days. Told her to hit me up in a week or so. Probably gonna ghost, but I'm not wasting time texting her until she can meet. Time will tell.

The semi-goth. Matched with a dark haired chick who's probably semi-goth. Seems okay. Invited for coffee and asked for number to set up - still waiting for a reply. Not holding out much hope as it's been a couple hours.

Tinder

Bought Tinder Gold. Used my free boost at 22:30 last night and... no matches. No-one seems to have 'liked' me either as you can see that with Tinder Gold. I think my app is buggy/broken as it keeps showing me the same girls over and over without any 'you have run out of girls' message. Will try uninstalling then reinstalling the app and take it from there. Have recently updated it.

That's it really for my online dating exploits. I'm making a point to only check once or twice a day and only for 10-15 minutes so as not to get too distracted from my other goals.

Speaking of which:

- No-Fap: Day 7. Couple urges, but fought them off and still in the game.

- Joined some jobsites and got my C.V out there.

- Put a post on Instagram (assist with social proof - online dating game).

- Applied for a job. This is something I may try and make a goal with e.g. apply for 1 job a day until I get employed. Will consider.

- Read some more Manga instead of playing Xbox.

- Another Manga book arrived today (Berserk, Vol. 4).

- Swiped on Tinder, Bumble and Hinge a little (but didn't go mad).

That's it for today. Tried to have a break today with it being Sunday and took it easy a bit. Hope to do more tomorrow and continue working on my goals.

Photos have been posted below for accountability purposes.

Thanks for Reading!

Spider

This post is a big step forward, good work. Don't get too hung up on the first goth girl, as soon as you realized who she was you made the right call and didn't invest your time into her, that is 100% better than the previous situations you have been in.

Redhead. Matched with a Redhead - she's probably a 6/10, but good tits and ass from the photos.

Try not to get too hung up on the attractive scale. For you the first step is establishing healthy boundaries and getting some FWB situations set up. You can have some amazing FWB experiences with average girls and they are generally really cool to be around. That's not to say this is what you're doing, but try and keep in mind your goals are more important than how hot we might think she is.

The hookup entitlement princess. Asked what I was looking for, I said casual FWB. She was down for the same. Got shitty when I suggested hotel after an initial coffee as I don't have my own place currently due to losing my job with COVID and moving back in. Gave me attitude and called me a 'loser'. Unmatched her straight away - a lot quicker than Goth Girl. practice makes perfect!

You did the right thing after you found out she was rude and unpleasant. TBH I wouldn't have pitched the hotel until after you met on the date to see if she's crazy. You can always pull her into one as a spur of the moment type thing if things are going well, but don't put yourself into a position where you pre book the hotel and get flaked on. if coffee is going well take her out for a walk, kiss her near the hotel and say lets do something crazy then take her by the hand and run her into the hotel. This way it looks spontaneous and gives her "it just happened". If you pre pitch it, she's opting in directly and it can feel sleezy. She wants a story to brag to her friends about how her hot date went so well you both lost control and had to run into a hotel for super hot sex.

Lastly for your photos, 1,2,8 are good photos, these are better than most that guys push out with. The ones with your back showing should be rotated out first, they aren't spectacular and people cant see your face. That said, I actually have a photo with my back showing in my line up but it was taken during rock climbing with a vest on so it shows my rear deltoids off and is my discreet body brag pic, apparently a lot of my dates say that pic is really hot and one of the reasons they swiped. If you use Tinder smart photos, the last thing you need is Tinder trying to be helpful showing your back as picture one to a girl that could be open to you. Photo 9 would be good if taken anywhere else other than in your house. It has just the right level of not Mr. right but Mr. Right Now about it. If 9 was taken on the beach where 6 was you would have a great photo there.

Brother_Tucker Hey thanks man. Trying to change my past behaviours of trying to fix broken women and I think this was definitely a step in the right direction.

Yeah that's true - I've matched with an average looking chick early but she seems cool, so I'll see how it plays out. Good to make a practice run out of it with coffee if nothing else.

In hindsight you're right - I lost money in the past when I got flaked on at a hotel, so you think I'd have learned by now! Noted for the future :arrow_up: I really like that idea. They need that plausible deniability so they don't lose face when re-telling the story to their friends. Plus they crave that spontaneity aspect. I'm going to make a note of this method in my dating handbook for further use!

Thanks for the advice on the photos! Plan is once my brother is free I'm going to get him to take some more photos of me. I'll try and recreate no. 9 when the weather is a bit better and take it out of the house! I'll see about replacing the back shots too. Good to know I've got a few good photos going on for now.

As for body brag photo, I'm gonna need to step up my game in the Gym (One of my goals which I will start very soon). Was ill a couple years ago and lost a load of weight after a stay in hospital. It's my big goal I'm gonna try and achieve hopefully in time for the summer.

Thanks again for all your input and support - Really appreciated.

Regards,

Spider

 

[Holden]

Glad to see you're dipping into online dating. I was flattered you learned from my log and I'm glad to see you take action.

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 8: 18/10/2021

Good news today on the career front - got invited for 2 job interviews. One of which is taking place tomorrow on the phone for a recruitment position. Job 2 is a retail position with part-time hours which I may keep as a temporary back-up plan.

Pay seems decent for an entry-level job, so I'll see how I get on with it and take it from there.

Here's my update from today:

- No-Fap: Edged, so counting as a relapse. Shit happens, so I'm not dwelling on it and I'm not quitting. Always gonna be setbacks on a long journey. Started again and so far so good.

- Set up a budget planner on an Excel spreadsheet. Will be working towards my financial goals and using this to keep track over the next couple of years. I aim to take a few years to save up enough so that I can get a mortgage which is very low (low as possible) and buy my own place. House would be nice, but I'm open to an apartment first and taking it from there. Shall see what happens in a couple of years.

- Have been preparing for my job interview tomorrow.

- Tinder: Was broken for me, so sent an e-mail. Now fixed and have been swiping a little. Sticking to my rules - 10 mile limit, no single mothers, no 'maybe' girls etc. Asked a couple girls for coffee and still awaiting replies. Will update going forward when something significant happens here.

See photos for evidence I'm not putting up with any bullshit:

Unmatched her straight after this low-effort message.



Instead of Simping and chatting up this chick who 'got pinged and has to self-isolate for 10 days' conveniently whilst I was messaging her, I just told her to hit me up when she's not isolating no more. Think she just wants attention and validation and has no realistic intent of ever meeting.

View attachment 1
- Have been sorting out my finances today. Boring shit, but needs to be done and can't keep putting it off.

- Have been posting on Instagram and getting positive comments from girls I've been giving my Insta handle out to.

- Listened to Andy's Podcast Episode #9: You can't afford the luxury of a negative thought. I bought the book recently and have it. If things gets stressful, I will start to read through it and do some of the exercises. Really useful tips.

- Haven't played Xbox today either - might not for a while. Enjoying working on my goals.

That's it for today's update - one or two negatives, but on the whole quite productive and positive.

Photos have been posted above for accountability purposes.

Thanks for reading!

Spider