Trèfle's progress log - Mediocre dating streak after 11 lays

[Trèfle]

What's up guys, Trèfle here, 25 yo from France, long time reader of both here and GLL with a huge case of "not starting anything until i'm perfect" that i'm solving right now by taking small steps every day ; i've got quite the long story of getting in very good shape but still not signing up for Tinder or approaching girls because i didn't feel good enough yet, and then falling in depression and putting on weight by binge eating for months after that.

The past is the past though so (in huge part because of the Slight Edge, what an amazing read) i've been working truly hard for about a few weeks in spite of the hardships (and thats an understatement, I somehow managed to break both a tripod and a remote control when i truly got started and had to buy some more again). Managed to find some things i truly like to help with depression in tennis (playing a looot these days i love the sport) and reading ; haven't been enjoying fiction that much ever since i finished all of Dostoievski's main works but i found a truly great interest in self-help ever since i started actually applying all of it instead of waiting around. I've been on a date for the first time recently (an awkward one but still felt like a great accomplishment) and I'm going out with a guy i'm training with this weekend because of my own initiative (didn't go out with a friend in about 10 years !) ; I'm also working on contacting a few lost family members i haven't seen in years. All of this because i realize my social timidity has been greatly caused by a simple lack of practice and meeting people regularly will help a lot for my main goal. That's not all too, i went back to the gym recently and working hard, got back into eating extremely well, i'm becoming much more honest with everything too.

My main goal is to sleep with 10 girls by the end of the year. Signed up for Tinder yesterday with some pics i've been working hard on the last few days without expecting much results : as much as i worked hard on these pics i'm still a complete beginner at photography and i've got a long way to go to become good at it, my looks are also quite mediocre at the moment (losing weight extremely fast but still not back in top shape yet plus my style, hairstyle ect all need a lot of work still) so for now i'll just work hard on becoming better looking and better at photography a little each day while going out with the girls that actually like me to build experience, without being discouraged by slow progresses (only got 4 matches with the noob boost and they don't even answer my first message but thats about what i expected, only means i got a ton of room for improvement). I'll also go job hunting as soon as my Tinder profile gets halfway decent (looking for criticism to improve it by the way https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=2185 ) because i do need my own place to not make that goal much harder

Signed up in here because i'm fully aware the main reason i kept on giving up after working hard on my body every time was because facing all this alone really made no sense, theres no reason not to surround myself with other guys who are working hard on their goals and who can kick my ass when i'm losing hope

I realize i probably went in all directions here but felt like that was a good way to introduce myself and what i'm doing right now. I'll post my daily progress here every day and i'll achieve all of my goals. Pleasure to meet you guys

 

[Trèfle]

Alright so lets get started with today's log :

-slept poorly (abt 5 hours), couldnt nap even after trying so i went outside right at sunrise to work on a Tinder photo i was planning to update ; it suddenly starmed raining a ton suddenly though so i went back and decided to go to the gym

-had a great workout despite the lack of sleep, lifted more than my last workout on all 3 lifts (bench squats and rows), did a very tiring uphill sprints session on treadmill right after on an empty stomach and it went fantastic as well, great stuff

-wasnt raining when i went back home so i went back outside to take my photo before cooking lunch, had an ok-ish result considering (its the 3rd photo on my Tinder pics thread) even if theres a ton of progress to do. def better than what i had before in its place so felt good. noticed i stopped caring about being seen taking pics of myself with my tripod (just a few days back i made sure nobody was around before starting), feels good too

-went to the gym with the intent of starting a habit of hitting on 1 girl a day but ended up pussying out, but didnt feel too bad about it i know the first day of a new habit is the hardest (started reading "you can't afford the luxury of a negative thoughts" per andy's recommandations, read about 50 pages today, really helps with my mindset). will try harder tomorrow

-used a tinder boost around 5 pm to check how my new pic would do but didnt get any result. thats cool it's good information to know i still have a long way to go, i'm doing a 4th pic for my profile tomorrow so that'll still be improvement

-spent the rest of the day signing up for here as well as for a few dating apps ; bumble as well as a popular french one mainly, did a lot of swiping. tried badoo briefly too but somehow it kept pairing me up with men even though i specified being straight, super sleepy so i'll look into it more tomorrow (hey i got a TON of likes there at least so i guess theres a plus). i'll get started on a few other apps tomorrow too, wondering how popular hinge is where i live

Tried to make it short before sleeping but overall felt like i did some good stuff today, worked hard on a dating pic (even if its not very good yet but learning), had a great workout, ate very well, noticed in the morning on the scale that i lost more than 1 kg compared to last tuesday.

Tomorrow i'll keep working on pics and push myself to start approaching without looking for "the right moment"

 

[Trèfle]

-Went out for my morning tennis with the intent to approach the first attractive girl i saw, turns out the first thing I saw was a dog that seemed abandoned (he ended up running away and seemed to know where to go so guess not after all) so I stayed around and ended up chatting with a really cool guy for a bit, took his number and planning to go out sometime soon w him. Didnt plan to make a potential friend today but hey creating a social circle is also something i have on the mind so can't complain. Lost aim of my goal after that though

-walked for a while at the start of the afternoon to look for an interesting landscape for my dating apps photo idea. Ended up settling down for the best spot i could find in that timeframe (not great at all tbf but it's fine at least i got 1 more photo out of it) in the middle of the afternoon and took about a hundred photos, good work and i added the result to my profiles but i'll explore my city more in depth to get more interesting backgrounds in the near future

-went back home, looked at all my photos to choose the one that seemed the best, messed around with it (started using a bit of Faceapp today according to one user's suggestion on all 4 of my pics, works great) but around 5pm i knew full well i still didnt do that cold approach and rushed back out to deal with it

-and failed, walked for more than an hour always not approaching because of thinking too much instead of doing. Felt more down about it than yesterday. So I decided on something drastic : i'll make that one approach my one goal for tomorrow, wont focus on any photography and get started on it in the early morning. If I fail again i'm starting the AA program on Friday

-spent the rest of the day swiping on all the apps (got very few matches but no responses yet), upgrading my pics a bit and adding the new one, installing the apps i didn't install yesterday and swiping a good bit on them all (well it turns out you need 6 pics for Hinge so my profile still isnt completed there. wont be much longer)

Good day overall but a bit bummed about the lack of approach

 

[Trèfle]

Wild day

-Went out at 8 am with nothing planned except for 1 approach. The excuses kept coming in my head right at the sight of women, all the possible stuff really. Kept my positive self talk to keep going, def tried too hard to get some welcoming eye contact each time to make things easier. Got it almost every time too but then they either looked down immediately and i felt like i was being scary and used it as an excuse not to say hi or, worse, they’d give me a smile and that somehow intimidated me even more for some reason. Kept on walking for hours until i finally managed to go to a really pretty girl waiting for her bus, said ”hi” and was about to say the rest... and then noticed she didnt even hear me because she had headphones. Got completely lost in my head there, had my heart beating very fast in anticipation and i just walked away. Felt awful. Didnt give up there i kept on going for more hours, kept telling myself ”just say hi and dont think” but just kept on thinking about what to say exactly each time i’d see an attractive girl. After about 4 hours and a half of this, mostly under the heavy rain (went to the mall a few times because i’d assume it would be more busy but turns out it was so busy that i just didnt manage to approach there either) i just went back to cook lunch and get a mental break before going back but the mindset wasnt there anymore. Even kept engaging conversations with strangers in the middle of the street during the day to make sure that my only issue is hitting on attractive women there. Threw in the towel later in the afternoon, figured that working on beating my AA while working hard on online dating and improving my looks would be enough for the time being, things will be better with experience for sure. Def feared violent rejection a couple of times. Just as I reached that conclusion I noticed a really stunning girl looking at me, smiled at her, she smiled back... and I just kept on walking. Did go back but only asked her for the time, so yeah AA program it is starting tomorrow (already got an account here and already using dating apps so i’ll start on day 4)

-might get laid tomorrow already ? Was doing my dating apps swiping when i had this truly surprising conversation with an older woman (not super attractive but only looking to get more experienced right now so its fine) that basically looked like this : ”sup” ”nothing” ”uh ok what do you like to do for fun?” ”casual sex” ”wanna go for a drink tomorrow?” ”yes where when”. It was so sudden i’m kinda worried about my safety here (esp considering i’ll meet her near her place since i dont have one ! Thats a great motivation to get my own thats for sure) but i’m sure it’ll be fine, her profile looked legit and we’re meeting in public

Did all the usual swiping of course, getting a decent amount of likes on that french app and nothing on Tinder anymore so i wonder if I screwed myself on the algorithm ? But I’ll use a boost on Sat night that’ll be a better way to evaluate (even if the pics still need a ton of work)

A bit sad abt the fact i failed to approach of course but glad i gave it all, the AA program will be fun. Wonder if i’ll get laid tomorrow

 

[Squilliam]

-might get laid tomorrow already ? Was doing my dating apps swiping when i had this truly surprising conversation with an older woman (not super attractive but only looking to get more experienced right now so its fine) that basically looked like this : ”sup” ”nothing” ”uh ok what do you like to do for fun?” ”casual sex” ”wanna go for a drink tomorrow?” ”yes where when”. It was so sudden i’m kinda worried about my safety here (esp considering i’ll meet her near her place since i dont have one ! Thats a great motivation to get my own thats for sure) but i’m sure it’ll be fine, her profile looked legit and we’re meeting in public

You're definitely right to be cautious. The last time a girl talked to me this way, she turned out to be batshit insane. Andy has said similar things before in some of his blog posts. Definitely meet in public in case she has some major red flags.

 

[Trèfle]

-might get laid tomorrow already ? Was doing my dating apps swiping when i had this truly surprising conversation with an older woman (not super attractive but only looking to get more experienced right now so its fine) that basically looked like this : ”sup” ”nothing” ”uh ok what do you like to do for fun?” ”casual sex” ”wanna go for a drink tomorrow?” ”yes where when”. It was so sudden i’m kinda worried about my safety here (esp considering i’ll meet her near her place since i dont have one ! Thats a great motivation to get my own thats for sure) but i’m sure it’ll be fine, her profile looked legit and we’re meeting in public

You're definitely right to be cautious. The last time a girl talked to me this way, she turned out to be batshit insane. Andy has said similar things before in some of his blog posts. Definitely meet in public in case she has some major red flags.

Yeah I remember reading about insane girls on here, that one was def suspicious ; she didnt answer my ”see you later today” text in the morning so I just didnt go too many red flags (didnt even hear from her at all today so yeah weird)

Had a very quiet day, did the first AA drill of asking 5 women for the time, not too bad and they were all polite

Took the rest of the day to rest, felt i needed a low stress day. Still did fasted cardio ate very well did the swiping and messaged some girls with the template ; might have a date soon with a pretty one but its hard to tell ("i don’t give my number but a drink next week would be nice" is so far away) ; also had this girl who was super down to go for a drink but then lost all interest when i told her my phone had issues with Whatsapp. Odd

I’ll re-take some photos tomorrow

 

[Squilliam]

Yeah I remember reading about insane girls on here, that one was def suspicious ; she didnt answer my ”see you later today” text in the morning so I just didnt go too many red flags (didnt even hear from her at all today so yeah weird)

Let me clarify, a girl being forward about sex isn't necessarily a red flag. But for her to be that forward at the talking stage and initiating it, is a red flag. Even for girls who are DTF, they often won't talk about sex in a crass manner prior to the date.

I say this because there are a lot of girls that were abused or molested when they were kids and as a result they develop this fucked up view of sexuality and self-worth where basically the only way they can feel good about themselves is to validate themselves by going around and sleeping with random men. I've encountered girls like this, they are fun in bed but they will harm you emotionally. They might be great in bed but if you notice you're catching any feelings then you need to get away ASAP.

 

[Trèfle]

Yeah I remember reading about insane girls on here, that one was def suspicious ; she didnt answer my ”see you later today” text in the morning so I just didnt go too many red flags (didnt even hear from her at all today so yeah weird)

Let me clarify, a girl being forward about sex isn't necessarily a red flag. But for her to be that forward at the talking stage and initiating it, is a red flag. Even for girls who are DTF, they often won't talk about sex in a crass manner prior to the date.

I say this because there are a lot of girls that were abused or molested when they were kids and as a result they develop this fucked up view of sexuality and self-worth where basically the only way they can feel good about themselves is to validate themselves by going around and sleeping with random men. I've encountered girls like this, they are fun in bed but they will harm you emotionally. They might be great in bed but if you notice you're catching any feelings then you need to get away ASAP.

Got it yeah that makes a lot of sense, I can picture the kind of girls you’re describing I think. Thanks for the knowledge i’ll remember it (didnt go to that date because i had an overall bad feel from it though)

Slept horribly again last night, I really check those dating apps too much at night. Will have to prioritize fixing that. Still had a great workout on 4 hours of sleep somehow, did better than before on everything on an empty stomach and did some hill sprints at the end for burning more calories

Had 0 energy for the rest of the day, struggled to keep my eyes open. Still did my AA drill (asking 5 girls for the time and then 5 others faster) but felt super nervous beforehand for some reason unlike yesterday. It still went well though I just went towards each woman I crossed in the street or who was sitting somewhere, mostly attractive ones so thats good practice. Got somehow completely ignored by 5 girls in a row in 10 seconds in a mall but everybody else was super kind

Skipped the photography didnt feel like going back out today. Spent some time on dating apps, got a date on Tuesday night. Noticing I really don’t match with the 18-25 range, I probably look too nice / safe, will need to add a masculine edge to my style. Getting my ears pierced in early August so that should be a good start

 

[Squilliam]

Noticing I really don’t match with the 18-25 range, I probably look too nice / safe, will need to add a masculine edge to my style. Getting my ears pierced in early August so that should be a good start

I'm only 23 but I can kind of relate to this. My entire dating "career" I've mostly attracted the same age of girls or 1-2 years younger. Rarely significantly younger. Not sure if this really means anything, also do keep in mind that 18-22 year old girls are away from college right now.

 

[filbko]

Skipped the photography didnt feel like going back out today. Spent some time on dating apps, got a date on Tuesday night. Noticing I really don’t match with the 18-25 range, I probably look too nice / safe, will need to add a masculine edge to my style. Getting my ears pierced in early August so that should be a good start

I am 27, and the youngest girl I have ever dated was 19. I set my age to 24. I have many matches with girls 5 years or younger than I do. Also, most of the girls I have ever dated were younger than I do. You need more fuck boy profile pics.

 

[Trèfle]

Noticing I really don’t match with the 18-25 range, I probably look too nice / safe, will need to add a masculine edge to my style. Getting my ears pierced in early August so that should be a good start

I'm only 23 but I can kind of relate to this. My entire dating "career" I've mostly attracted the same age of girls or 1-2 years younger. Rarely significantly younger. Not sure if this really means anything, also do keep in mind that 18-22 year old girls are away from college right now.

I’m still just starting but yeah i def attract mostly the 30-35 crowd so far, but my photos and looks are still weak so can’t reach to too many conclusions yet

Skipped the photography didnt feel like going back out today. Spent some time on dating apps, got a date on Tuesday night. Noticing I really don’t match with the 18-25 range, I probably look too nice / safe, will need to add a masculine edge to my style. Getting my ears pierced in early August so that should be a good start

I am 27, and the youngest girl I have ever dated was 19. I set my age to 24. I have many matches with girls 5 years or younger than I do. Also, most of the girls I have ever dated were younger than I do. You need more fuck boy profile pics.

For sure

Really not sure how to feel abt today. Had the first real date of my life (really cant count the one i had a month or so ago as a date) using the super agressive template from Andy on my way to the gym, she was hot too

But I panicked a TON, had a vague plan of where to take her ect but i got completely sidetracked almost immediately and completely lost the track, she ended up choosing the bar we drank at and did most of the talking during the blanks, she was clearly less nervous than me

Had a good chat and all but I was not making advances. After a bit more than an hour she had to visit an appartment so I did ask if she’d invite me to her place but she said it isnt going to happen because of her kids, was going to invite her to my place but I wasnt sure if it was even free so I didnt (that one was def more of a lack of plans rather than a lack of balls I feel, planned to ask her to go to her place from the start but had 0 guarantee that was even an option)

Walked her back to the subway station, said I had a great time but not sure if she did ! She was def DTF, 100% sure she was disappointed by the lack of initiative and shyness. I’ll contact her again soon of course u never know

I know I should feel good, a first date is a real step in the right direction and I was always going to suck at first but damn I do feel like shit rn, postponed the AA to tomorrow. Next date I have I’ll make a real plan and stick to it, will make sure my place is free at least too. Noticed I was not confortable at all touching her too so thats a priority to fix too, I’ll force myself to hold the next one’s hand

 

[Trèfle]

Wont be a long one, super sleepy

Ate very well (weighted myself in the morning and i’m basically melting), burned some calories w tennis, did the first 2 AA drills of the day on the way to the grocery store but i got super lazy in the afternoon, postponed the rest of the drills to after my tennis at 7 pm but then there was a huge storm at that time ! I dont mind the rain that much even if I was super wet but the streets were pretty empty so yeah i just thought : "fuck it”. Its cool, guilt wont do much even if I fucked up big time here, still got a valuable lesson out of it : just dont postpone the drills, u never know what will happen later in the day. I’ll do better tomorrow

Spent the rest of the night swiping and messaging a lot, no new dates for now though, some rejection at the ”not looking for anything serious” part (ftr, i’m not improving my profile because my laptop died at the end of last week, was my only way to import the camera’s sd card’s content and i cant afford a new one until Saturday. Figured I could ask a neighbor if I could briefly use his PC but whatever, i’ll invest in new outfits and get my ears pierced next week so might as well wait it out while playing the numbers game hard on apps)

I’ll try out some outfits and actually do the AA drills tomorrow

 

[Trèfle]

Bad day

Started well, burned a lot of calories playing a tennis match, starting a few of the AA approaches of the day on the way there and to home, but I had a pretty bad argument with a family relative then ; made sure to get it sorted out as fast as possible but it still put me in a super depressed mood for the whole afternoon

Still tried a few AA approaches but yeah i was not feeling like talking to people at all, didnt do that for long so I just ended up trying some clothes (found some neat stuff) and then resting for the day. That makes 3 days in a row on the same AA day, not good at all

Still did a lot of dating apps swiping and messaging but that was easily the worst day so far, none of the few matches I got even answered the starting message (aside for 1 who just rated my message ”1/10" so she didnt look that interested i’d say)

Was supposed to have a date but she postponed, saying she’ll be "very free next week”. Guess theres no reason to turn her down

Very mediocre overall but at least the exercise / diet portion of the day were as good as usual. Surprised my waist is already too small for the smallest sized jeans in every shop

 

[Trèfle]

-great morning workout and sprints but massive dip of energy in the afternoon, most likely because of not enough sleep

-didnt feel like talking to 15 women feeling like that so I just applied slight edge philosophies to the AA drills and only did a tiny bit today, one set / 5 of day 6 (time, time-directions, time-directions-been there?, felt kinda nervous about the been there part but it was fine). The last 2 days I reseted the day because of not doing it all in 1 day but theres really no point, tiny progresses are better than being stuck. I’ll continue the other sets tomorrow

-dating apps were a complete wasteland compared to every other day, really didnt get any likes. Even tried a Tinder boost and it didnt do anything. Guess my current profile has reached its limit

I’ll sleep earlier today seems like the best choice. Not expecting anything exciting for the rest of the week but i’ll stay around on Sat night, got a few likes at midnight and a ”free tonight?” last time on one of the apps at the same time (went to bed at 8 pm so i didnt use a boost on Tinder then) so it might be interesting to be here this time

 

[Trèfle]

Yeah not much happened today

Had some good tennis in the morning to burn the calories, talked to 1 girl on the way home for AA drills, didnt feel like going back out after lunch so i just sat with a book. Considered going to town for a beer at night and maybe socialize a bit but the complete lack of success on dating apps today as well put me in a bad mood i’ll just sleep early again

Rough couple of days but next week will be better : will finally be able to upload some new pics, get a haircut and earrings, got 2 dates scheduled. Going out with a guy tomorrow afternoon so that should be fun at least

 

[Trèfle]

Great workout, spent the afternoon with a super chill guy so the social circle part is uplifting, went back home to do my swiping with still 0 success like the last few days, went to town to grab a beer (tried some drills but a few girls rudely telling me they wouldnt give me the time made me go a bit shy, its cool tho), tried a boost on Tinder at home and only ended up with 2 random likes from girls 100 km apart so not much progress there

 

[Trèfle]

Was going to use a boost at midnight but felt sleepy so did it at 10 pm instead ; 0 likes though. Thats peak time so its good information

Played tennis, weighted myself in the morning (great results there), read a bunch and was finally able to order my new laptop today (as well as some clothes) which means only about 3 more days of bad photos

 

[Trèfle]

Had an amazing workout + sprints this morning (finished ”You can’t afford the luxury of a negative thought” on the way to the gym too, what a fantastic book i’ll reread it multiple times for sure) and I actually settled easily on my best plan of action for the afternoon : nothing at all, just take a few hours to relax and forget about Tinder for half a day - still did the usual swiping messaging but the girls were very unresponsive today even the ones who messaged me first

Spent the afternoon playing video games, even jerked off for once and that actually felt GREAT which is a big deal since i’m usually the guy who feels shameful about chilling instead of working on his goals at all times. Not this time though, it felt earned somewhat. Made me notice i’m actually happy about how I did this week ; not the actual online results of course, didnt even get a date unlike last week, but the actual amount of action i took. I obviously did insanely good in the exercise / diet way, worked my ass off and losing weight faster than ever while actually gaining strength everytime but also in online dating : no matter the insane amount of ghosting, the lack of likes or the technical issues preventing me from upgrading my photos for days I almost always kept the same upheat optimistic attitude about it, still swiping as much and messaging as many girls to actually get laid. Not paying off this week of course but i’m excited about next week already. I didnt work hard at all on the AA drills though, issue here is that its not my primary goal unlike the online lays and so I clearly half ass it. Will just put them off for now, I’ll go straight for the 1 cold approach a day once I get the confidence from 1 or 2 online lays. I know I can do it

Overall really happy when i’m reflecting. Last Sunday was my first real date as I said but this week was my first time going out with a friend in 10 years too so the progress is there. I feel more social, more excited about the day ahead when I get up, I go to bed with a clearer mind. It’ll pay off with girls soon

 

[Vice]

Nice dude; seems like tennis is a solid way for you to burn calories. I'm in a similar situation with mountain biking. The fat melts off while I'm barreling through the track with a good audiobook/podcast/educational YouTube video (YouTube Premium is worth it).

 

[Trèfle]

Nice dude; seems like tennis is a solid way for you to burn calories. I'm in a similar situation with mountain biking. The fat melts off while I'm barreling through the track with a good audiobook/podcast/educational YouTube video (YouTube Premium is worth it).

For sure, I don’t mind the typical running for hours but it feels much better to be passionate about the sport and have fun, improving the skills each time. Seems you’re having fun too

I trust you about Youtube Premium, worth checking out. Some podcasts while lifting weights feels tempting