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Trèfle's progress log - Mediocre dating streak after 11 lays

sounds like you tried to escalate too fast at your place.

i understand it sucks to have this happen but we have no choise but to look at the positives and then try again.

events like this is the price low XP men like us have to pay in order to improve.

keep your chin up and dont beat yourself up too bad
 
Not enough comfort. The Game is played in comfort, and virgins require many times more comfort than a normal girl.

Have deep conversation, have fun, get her to listen to music or watch a movie, anything to get her mind off of what's going to happen. Instead you called out the frame with her phone and got her to look at you, but the phone was the only thing that was making her comfortable. You made the situation more intense and made her uncomfortable.

You probably needed 3-5 hours escalating with baby steps to even have a shot at taking her virginity.

Lesson learned for you: nothing is guaranteed. The girl said she wanted to lose her virginity but when it came down to it she wasn't willing to do it without comfort, which you didn't provide.
 
Olafsmash said:
events like this is the price low XP men like us have to pay in order to improve.
Click to expand...

100% this. There really is no way to get around these sort of horrible awkward experiences when starting out. Your ability to get over this and try again is a significant part of the journey. Moving to the bed prior to any verbal or physical escalation and with no significant source of distraction for her is too much for most girls, let alone a shy virgin. Some girls are too nervous to do anything with, sometimes there is nothing you can do. I don't know if that's the case here, but based on what you described it seems possible.

For your mental health. Take out a sheet of paper, write down the entire date. Then write down everything you did well and everything you did right in separate categories. Then figure out the 3 most important places you need to improve and start working on that. Don't just dwell on the failure uselessly, do something with it.
 
Not a bad Sunday

Felt sad the whole evening yesterday, couldnt even bring myself to forget with some sports / video games. Had a big headache. Still somehow convinced myself to do the daily grinding on apps, results werent that bad ; not a lot of matches but the response rate was good and i got a number that may end up in a date tomorrow night (she still has to confirm)

Today morning i took the time to really reflect on that date, what i did right / wrong (thanks to the above posters for the great suggestions). Came to the conclusion that the bar part of the date was actually pretty good. She said herself she was very introverted and was visibly nervous but i really got her to talk about herself, laugh a little, get relaxed, it was a good talk.

Afterwards... I don’t know what to think fully about the fact i invited her home after 1 hour. It takes balls, sure, but she was trembling on the way there, i’ve never seen anyone walking that fast. Of course she accepted coming right away so despite how it went there was SOME interests in going to my place but i do wonder if i just shouldn’t have invited her there ? But overall i’m happy with the way i handled things before my place

Back when we were at my place however yeah i did horrible on all fronts. First thing i did was give her a tour and offer some water or food or the toilet or the shower, which is like the only good thing i did there. But we went to my room straight after and after i went peeing she was just standing in front of my bed playing with her phone. I told her she was free to sit down but if i recall she said something like ”i don’t know”, the fear was visible. So i just told her (in a friendly tone with a smile but still a bad thing to do considering) to just sit down and she did, got nervous about her playing on her phone (i get how it just kept her distracted to avoid thinking about the whole thing now) so just asked her to look me in the eyes instead and she did but the poor girl was scared enough already. Thats when i asked if i could kiss her and she said she wasnt ready (didnt seem offended by me asking so i guess i won’t count that as a mistake on my end) but i reacted in the worst possible way really ; told her it was cool, that we can slow down or do nothing at all if she wants which is good but i had the really dumb idea of lightly touching her arm to try and escalate slowly and thats when she said she’d rather go back to town. Makes sense, the comfort just wasnt there i went way too fast. When she declined the kiss i think the best thing would have been to just change her mind with music / a movie (i do have an old Wii with Mario Kart too, might be useful for future dates) def not to touch her.

I don’t think badly of the hour and a half of awkward walking after my place though. Back then i thought it was the most pathetic thing ever but nah it wasnt. The girl paid her money for the train and there were still 2 hours before it so if anything i was a gentleman for keeping her company until then, even if the mood was dead. The things to fix are basically everything that happened at my place then and not the before / after part then, or so i think at least. So yeah i think i learned a lot about establishing comfort from that experience, especially with inexperienced girls. I tried to play things at my place with that sweet virgin like i did with the very experienced girl from last week which was very dumb.

Decided to send her an apology text in the morning, i know thats not the most ”alpha” thing but man that girl was so invested in just meeting me. I’m very autistic but even to me its pretty obvious she had a crush there, her immediately paying a pretty good sum for the trip (for a 3 hour stay in my city at least), then sitting on the ground of her train station for 1 whole hour just because she was too excited to not come super early and even calling me ”very handsome” are probably good enough hints. No wonder she sent me those furious texts right after i dropped her at the station, she cared a lot. So i felt i owed her an apology, just texted her i clearly fucked up at my home and behaved as if I didn’t know how nervous she was, that i was truly sorry if i made her sad and wished her well in the future (she made it quite clear she didnt want to meet again). Just pure honesty. Theres a decent chance she blocked me after sending her texts yesterday i guess so maybe she’ll never read that but it felt just right on the soul

Headed for the gym afterwards on a fasted stomach, the workout was greeeat, felt strong. Still just progress on every single lift every single workout despite the big calorie deficit which impress me a lot. Deadlift form ain’t that great though will spend more time watching vids on that

Did my swiping after that, matched that really cool tennis girl, got her number quickly and she still has to confirm a date tomorrow when she gets her work schedule but we’re meeting soon. Exciting

Read a little, sent my 10 resumes and then decided to chill for the rest of Sunday. Can’t deny i’m genuinely sad about that girl. She was hot, cool and super into me, really would have liked to see her again. I know its a numbers game and you gotta think about the next one but still thinking about her a lot, given her investment in that date she probably does too. I just take comfort in knowing such a great girl was that much into me when i’m still that raw on the self improvement journey and less-than-average on every fundamental. Means sky is the limit. And i’ll apply the lessons from that horrible time at my place the next time a girl comes over so this wasn’t a waste at all

So, week retrospective. First the weight :

Monday : 59.3 kg
Tuesday : 59.4 kg
Wednesday : 59.4 kg
Thursday (refeed) : 59.2 kg
Friday : 59 kg
Sat : 58.6 kg
Sunday : 58.4 kg

Constipation slowed things down a bit but that big refeed was a real boost, guess my metabolism needed it. Good stuff. Exercise was great, lot of tennis, 3 gym sessions and one set of hill sprints, calories still calculated and low on my 2 meals everyday just good things

Dating was rough for the first part of the week but got much more exciting towards the end. There was that girl from yesterday of course, but i’ll def meet the tennis girl and probably the girl who gave her number yesterday and said Monday night might work. I don’t get THAT many matches but still a few each day with my 3 photos mediocre profile and the response rate went up so perhaps my texting is getting less cringe. Still trying to fix that laptop by the way, going to get it fixed for free by the company that sent it if the cable they sent (receiving it tomorrow it seems) doesn’t solve the issue. Really looking forward to that, really can use the possibility of uploading way more photos and finally getting started on Photoshop. Still, got laid last week and not this one so theres a lot of progress to be made. Glad i got that precious lesson on comfort yday
 
Trèfle said:
Decided to send her an apology text in the morning, i know thats not the most ”alpha” thing
Click to expand...

Disavow yourself of this mindset.

Alphas apologize for their mistakes.

Weak and insecure men do not.
 
pancakemouse said:
Trèfle said:
Decided to send her an apology text in the morning, i know thats not the most ”alpha” thing
Click to expand...

Disavow yourself of this mindset.

Alphas apologize for their mistakes.

Weak and insecure men do not.
Click to expand...

I get that don’t worry, second part was ironic

But its still valuable knowledge though
 
Annoying day

Got a 2 day long tennis tournament starting today. Its a multiple match a day format so it took a lot of the day (still sent my 10 resumes before going). But i felt absolutely miserable physically, slow, sluggish, unfocused, played horribly in my first game. Was planning to be social and meet some cool people and maybe some practice partners but i just felt frustrated inside after that game, went back home and sat for 2 hours before the next game which went even worse. Legs felt so heavy, i won’t deadlift the day before a tournament next time thats for sure. Bad mood

The dating was even worse, straight up 0 match. This match from Sat gave her number and said she was down for a drink on Monday night but yeah i didnt hear back from her at all today so it didnt happen. Jerked off out of annoyance at this day. Managed to setup a date for Friday night with another previous match at least

The one upside is that i got several calls about my resumes, got some interviews planned this week. I’m not demanding, the main thing is working again to move out but i do care about working hours, something that doesn’t give me free evenings won’t work if i want a sex life. The closer it is to the city center the better

Bad day but i don’t feel that bad about it, sometimes nothing works out. Just focusing on recovery tonight for tomorrow’s games. I do struggle a bit with recovery these days, which makes sense on a calorie deficit since i do either weights or tennis almost every day. Ice baths are worth exploring
 
Had the final day of my tennis tournament and it sure was rough. Felt horrible physically, played like complete garbage, my low cost half broken gear was a big issue too struggled to move on the clay with my bad shoes in poor condition and my racket is in really bad shape. Things were so bad i took the 1 hour long trip back home before my 2nd game of the day to have some coffee and cook half my dinner but it didnt do much. Put me in a frustrated mood, its my first year playing but i improved a ton in the summer just to forget how to play and make 3 million errors at the worst moment. Will just have to keep training hard and join more tournaments to get used, invest in better equipment next month too for sure

Got 0 matches on the apps for 2 days in a row, quite bad. Seems a sign to start working on photos again. Also it seems the cool tennis girl from Sunday will ghost after all, shame ’cause she seemed super down and even said she’d love to play some games sometime after the drink but yeah her ”wednesday night should work but i’ll tell you more on monday once i know my schedule” turned to her disappearing it seems (tried to text her in case but no answer). Shame i was looking forward to that date. That makes 2 girls in 2 days who gave their numbers, seemed interested enough to setup a precise date and then probably disappeared forever. Pretty good motivation to focus a lot on same-day date at least

Job situation is really looking up though, got a lot of calls today again and theres 2 jobs in particular that really fit all my criterias would love to get either of them (would rank my chances as pretty decent). Got interviews for them soon

Terrible tournament performance that got my mood down, nonexistent dating results but the job hunt is going forward and hey i sure burned a lot of calories those last 2 days. But still far from what i’d consider a good day, will just have to work harder tomorrow
 
Wasn’t a bad day but its quick to summarize

Went shopping for groceries in the early morning then to a meeting with my job counsellor to talk about some plans, had lunch then went to the gym and the workout was great (even had hill sprints but 3 sets instead of my usual 5, was feeling dead physically)

The dating apps were weird. Had plenty of matches and the response rate was great but for some reason i kept matching with girls who live way too far. Some were cute / interesting. Took all of their numbers in case they come to my city sometime but in all likelyhood i didn’t get closer to a 2nd lay today

Got an important job interview for the job that fits my needs the most tomorrow morning
 
Sleep was atrocious, slept way too little and had 0 energy, couldn’t go back to sleep and felt very stressed so I ended up having wayyyy too much coffee for that job interview. No regrets i really wanted to succeed at it (not going to get anywhere closr to that amount of cups in the near future thats for sure). Did great ! The lady in charge said I was very well spoken and that she really likes my super positive vibe. Feeling very confident about this, but i won’t have a yes/no until at least next Thursday if not even Friday so i’ll still go to the interview for the second job that interested me a lot on Monday

Tried to nap after lunch but the coffee overdose backfired here, couldnt manage it. Was feeling insanely sleepy still so just took it easy for the afternoon. Read a little, headed for the tennis courts and practiced my serve a lot under the heavy sun, hit some quality balls with a very good player who was passing by. Really good time, felt definite improvements by the end of it, was sweating a lot and yet it was light on my legs (pretty much the only sore part of my body, everything else is doing great)

Went home at 5 to focus on the dating apps but its looking like a 0 match day so far. Still early of course so i’ll keep my eyes open, try hard for a same day date if possible but otherwise i’ll just enjoy a good football game and rest for tomorrow’s deadlifts. Going to re-shoot 1 of my photos tomorrow too and focus on solving some things i struggled with in my camera the last few times. I do have a date scheduled tomorrow at 8 pm but feeling like she might ghost. Pessimism ? Perhaps. Feeling in a very good mood regardless, not the most productive day ever but i feel good about it
 
Won’t be a long log (past my bedtime already) but i just had sex again

Was expecting her to ghost but she didnt. Cute girl, i had 0 energy on the date because of the deadlifts (which went great) but she did all the talking

Invited her home after 1 hour and she accepted with 0 doubt. I’m 3/3 on "wanna come over?" (4th date ever but i didnt ask on the first one) kinda interesting

Chatted a bit on my bed, was patient unlike last time, we kissed a lot. I think i did better than the 1st lay on the kissing, all those online guides paid of

Was still a bit lost on the foreplay, still lots to learn (didnt go down on her at all... next girl who comes over i’ll eat her pussy 100%)

Started fucking her and things felt strange, like i couldnt stay in her long at all. She confessed its a medical thing about her uterus

We tried a bunch of positions but could never fuck for long. So i used the magic wand on her a ton and she liked it a whole lot. So we fucked again and yeah it still wasnt sticking

After a while i gave up on the fucking because it wasnt leading anywhere so she started sucking me off and jerked me off... but didnt want to take the condom off. So it wasnt very enjoyable at all. I just kinda went ”been fun got some plans for the night” after a while. Offered her water, a shower and walked her to the subway station. Shes moving far away for school starting tomorrow so i won’t see her again

Still, sweet girl even if the sex wasnt fun. And thats more experience which is very important for me. And most important : 2nd legit lay of my life ! 2 / 10 on the yearly goal, its kinda happening faster than i thought
 
Don’t think i ever slept that badly before didnt even reach 4 hours and didnt manage to sleep again. Awful. Pushed myself to do some house chores, limit the coffee a bit (had 3 cups before tennis which is too much but pretty fine today considering). Felt god awful during my friendly tennis match, had to quit midway. I’ll compensate the calories tomorrow by either having an intense serving session before the gym or just do sprints post workout

Thats p much it really, felt like a zombie so i made the to-do list very short. Read a little, walked a bit, spent some time on dating apps to try to get a date for tomorrow (Sat afternoons seem unimpressive but i’ll boost at 11 before bed). Response rate on the apps went way up consistently so thats improvements on my end and not sheer luck but i get rejected a lot at the ”number taking phase” by the ”only looking for serious stuff" crew which makes sense, my ”good boy” vibe is far from gone, i attract the long relationships girls a lot. I know what i have to do/get to fix that of course, muscles, tattoos, a beard once i can afford some minox since God won’t grant me one while improving style too. Also theres so many of my recent matches who tell me they’re on a trip and won’t be back to town for 1-2 more weeks which means massive chances to forget me. The pain of summer holidays

Pretty much a nothing day really, didnt do much at all. Oh well its not like i went backwards in any area either. Got laid yesterday after all so i’ll let this pass
 
Pretty great day. Had a few matches before sleeping yesterday, "lost” this super hot Brazilian girl who seemed very responsive and had a very sexual profile (well at least she didnt answer today) because i really wanted to sleep at 11. Oh well its only 1 chick

Went to the gym early on an empty stomach, fantastic workout. Did some intense hill sprints afterwards, felt great. Had this really funny
match during the workout, cute blonde who responded very fast with long answers (messaged her during my rest times between sets). And then i went ”you seem cool we should grab a drink and see if we click, not looking for anything super serious but”, you know the drill. And she unmatched litterally immediately. Brutal, usually they tell me ”only looking for serious stuff sorry" and we wish each other a good day !

Had a date with my first lay right after (couldnt even grab lunch), we headed for my room right away and it was a ton of fun. She even commented on liking the way i fingered her, the kissing felt more natural. Got to try the magic wand on her too and she liked it so much, had a MASSIVE orgasm. We had a pretty long pillow talk after that too, really good time (i even told her about the incredibly awkward date from last week, she liked the story a lot). Was wondering if maybe she didnt want to see me again since i sucked so bad at sex the first time (her schedule’s very busy too), happy that wasnt the case that girl’s amazing. We spent like 3 hours in my room, i finally got to cook lunch at 5

Dating apps werent very interesting, response rate is great but i get rejected a toooon at the ”not looking for anything super serious” part because i look too nice. Oh well i’m super tired and happy about the day already, i’ll try hard to get a date for tomorrow night until i go to bed

Week retrospective

Weight
Monday : 58.5 kg
Tuesday : 57.9 kg
Wednesday : 58.1 kg
Thursday : 58 kg
Friday : 57.3 kg
Saturday (unreliable, had water very late on Friday and barely slept) : 58.3 kg
Sunday : 57.9 kg

Had a few intestine issues again, good reminder to fix the coffee issue for good (had only 2 cups before workout but i had another before my date since i couldnt cook) because the scale most likely stalled a bit because of that. Still 100% confident about my diet and exercise regimen. Hard to ignore the possible muscle gains too since i do better every single workout. Will have a refeed on Tuesday most likely, will be interesting to see if that boosts results like last time

Got laid twice which is a personal best (even if only 1 was a new girl). Pretty great week. Of course i still don’t get dates on a regular basis, not even close but theres some photos planned for the next few days already. Won’t exceed 2 cups of coffee a day for the whole next week, can’t afford to have constipation all the time or i won’t be able to evaluate my weight loss well enough

Exciting times, great week. Lets make the next 1 even better
 
Trèfle said:
Dating apps werent very interesting, response rate is great but i get rejected a toooon at the ”not looking for anything super serious” part because i look too nice. Oh well i’m super tired and happy about the day already, i’ll try hard to get a date for tomorrow night until i go to bed
Click to expand...

Stop using this line. Communicating your relationship preference with a woman upfront is suboptimal.
 
pancakemouse said:
Trèfle said:
Dating apps werent very interesting, response rate is great but i get rejected a toooon at the ”not looking for anything super serious” part because i look too nice. Oh well i’m super tired and happy about the day already, i’ll try hard to get a date for tomorrow night until i go to bed
Click to expand...

Stop using this line. Communicating your relationship preference with a woman upfront is suboptimal.
Click to expand...

Is it ? Kinda felt like the whole ”100% honesty” vibe was good but i don’t know much about all this stuff yet lets be honest

Been using your opener and it works great along the rest of Andy’s template so it goes like :

”(short comment about bio or photo) what are you up to today?"

"(Answer what she says) what do you like to do in your free time?"

"(Answer) what part of town do you live in ? I’m in X”

”(answer) you seem cool we should grab a drink and see if we click. I’m not looking for anything super serious but if you’re down for a coffee and see what happens drop me your number and i’ll send you a text"

I barely ever get ignored since i switched openers but yeah the rejection at the last part is high. I guess its the reason i’ve been getting success so far with inviting them home on the 1st date since the intents are pretty clear but getting more dates would be optimal for sure. Do you think i should drop the ”not looking for anything serious” and just invite them on a drink (while making sure they know i’m interested in sex by inviting them at my place since i don’t struggle with this) ?
 
Trèfle said:
pancakemouse said:
Stop using this line. Communicating your relationship preference with a woman upfront is suboptimal.
Click to expand...

Is it ? Kinda felt like the whole ”100% honesty” vibe was good but i don’t know much about all this stuff yet lets be honest

Been using your opener and it works great along the rest of Andy’s template so it goes like :

”(short comment about bio or photo) what are you up to today?"

"(Answer what she says) what do you like to do in your free time?"

"(Answer) what part of town do you live in ? I’m in X”

”(answer) you seem cool we should grab a drink and see if we click. I’m not looking for anything super serious but if you’re down for a coffee and see what happens drop me your number and i’ll send you a text"

I barely ever get ignored since i switched openers but yeah the rejection at the last part is high. I guess its the reason i’ve been getting success so far with inviting them home on the 1st date since the intents are pretty clear but getting more dates would be optimal for sure. Do you think i should drop the ”not looking for anything serious” and just invite them on a drink (while making sure they know i’m interested in sex by inviting them at my place since i don’t struggle with this) ?
Click to expand...

100% honesty is the dumbest concept. Unfortunately something that Manganiello posted was in a log that got deleted recently but it was basically like:

Do you walk up to a girl and say "I want to have sex with you" or "Bonjour, my name is Tréfle and I have herpes?"

You want like... 70% honesty at first, and 100% honesty after you have sex with a girl.

So yes, drop that line.
 
pancakemouse said:
100% honesty is the dumbest concept. Unfortunately something that @Manganiello posted was in a log that got deleted recently but it was basically like:
Click to expand...

The only thing that got deleted was the probably fake Alpha Chad guy, who said stuff that made 0 sense.


Here it is https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=63153#p63153

Trèfle
 
Lackluster day

Had a match in the morning, quickly got a date for the afternoon with her (first girl i used the new slightly modified template on in fact so thanks a lot @pancake and Manga). Overweight but decent face, good enough i need experience

Had to run a ton of errands around town after that and quickly noticed i felt like complete garbage. Sluggish, irritable, complete lack of attention. Didnt sleep much but i felt decent in the morning so felt a bit surprised. Got hit on by the creepiest old man on my way to the grocery store, said he ”didnt know there were such cute guys in the area" and tried really hard to touch me. Made sure to leave asap and he told me he ”won’t rape me but really hope we meet in a more intimate setting sometime”. Gross

Really felt bad in the afternoon, had my date after some paperwork meeting but wasnt feeling anywhere near dating mood so i texted her to postpone. She wasnt available tonight, said tomorrow works but she couldnt agree on a specific time so we shall see

Did the usual grind on the dating apps, mostly to find dates for tomorrow (felt slightly better in the evening though) but not getting matches today, aside for that very forward BDSM submissive girl who don’t want to go on a first date without her boyfriend. Bit too awkward for me at this stage, too raw at this and they were probably looking for bi guys anyway

Pretty lame day overall. At least the caffeine was low
 
Creepy old guys saying that they don't want to rape you but want to see you intimately grosses you out? *shocking* :shock:

My man you got a date this morning, and postponed another date today since you weren't feeling good (valid issue)? Fucking Chad. Leave some for the rest of us my guy.

Also you've gone, or are arranging a date with a submissive girl who has a boyfriend? WTF. How do you say 50 shades of gray in French?

Kill it!
 
Hydro said:
Creepy old guys saying that they don't want to rape you but want to see you intimately grosses you out? *shocking* :shock:

My man you got a date this morning, and postponed another date today since you weren't feeling good (valid issue)? Fucking Chad. Leave some for the rest of us my guy.

Also you've gone, or are arranging a date with a submissive girl who has a boyfriend? WTF. How do you say 50 shades of gray in French?

Kill it!
Click to expand...

Oh no its only 1 girl, matched in the morning - scheduled for a date in the afternoon

BDSM girl was a match from 1 of the site, her bio mentioned her liking being blindfolded so i opened her with that, she asked if i was interested in trying then asked if i’m dominant or not while mentioning she was very submissive. And then i pushed things quickly towards a date (she was hot) and she said she’s interested... but doesnt go on 1st dates without her boyfriend so i turned it down, shame but that 3 way date didnt spark my interest

It’s 50 nuances de gris ;) Thanks for the kind words man you’re killing it too

Frankly, lack of sex aside, today was great

Had a very intense fasted tennis game in the morning, had my refeed at lunch by adding a ton of rice up to maintenance then went to the gym after a break and killed it, felt super strong, even crushed those dreaded deadlifts. Could barely get to the end of the workout it was super satisfying. I really like those refeeds a lot, just feels right for my amount of exercise. Unless the scale says otherwise i’ll start doing 1 each week from now

The girl i postponed yesterday was... confusing ? She texted me ”i got plans at 2 but let’s meet right after”, tried to get a more precise time and she still hasnt answered (it’s past 9 now) ? Can’t say i really care much, shes not really attractrive but weird

Dating apps werent very interesting today too, few matches but the response rate sucks unlike last week. Going to get a new photo tomorrow (original plan was to get it on Saturday but something went wrong). Will finally be able to get a pic with an animal very soon too so thats exciting. The weather forecast from Thursday onwards is awful, rain all the time, so might have to postpone the hiking project a tiny bit, or just re-shoot that pic in a nearby location for now

Got contacted again by a girl who was on a trip but shes clearly super invested, texted me multiple times to know how i was doing (i cut the convo very short each time in a nice manner). Shes returning to her city on Friday, and thats not far from mine but still requires the train. Think i’ll visit her, she’s cute and clearly wants to meet + thats a good opportunity to explore a new city. Logistics will be awful for sure if we click but we’ll see, not completely sure i’ll go yet (money’s extremely tight)
 
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