Trèfle's progress log - Mediocre dating streak after 11 lays

Today was quite solid

Didnt sleep nearly enough, headed for the gym in the early morning (without any kind of junk food, u can only do the same mistake 10 million times before it gets old - was on my strict diet today) without any expectations but i actually did GREAT, felt strong on the deadlifts and improved the OHP as well. Felt very proud of myself. Completely shattered my phone during the workout though, everything i had was registered in it and not on the sim card as i discovered afterwards so... quite the issue. But i felt too proud and happy to let it get to my head, will try to get it fixed tomorrow morning you never know (but it looks beyond saving)

Had lunch, headed for my tennis lesson, very fun stuff i even met some new partners and scheduled trainings with them. Started getting active on dating apps at 7 to try and get a date or two for the weekend but things are still bleak, the amount of matches is extremely low. Will try for 1 more hour, sleeping very early tonight i want my 8 hours. Too busy to think about photos this weekend but a huge part of next week will be dedicated to them, the benefits of temporary unemployment
 
Decently happy about today but it could have been better

Still not enough sleep but way more than the last 2 days. Went to the gym in the morning and it was actually amazing, i completely crushed those weights. Extremely happy about that. Had to skip the sprints because i was in a hurry but its not the most important part

Spent the whole afternoon at a event from my town i was very interested it, lots of fun i’ll be there tomorrow too. Was extremely tired afterwards though, it was like 8 pm and i really wanted to be around Tinder at midnight, my results felt too poor this week to skip the peak time, so i had a good amount of unplanned bread and almonds. Not nearly as bad as the junk food i had on those terrible days but still not good at all, highly doubt i’ll be at a deficit today. Still some improvements to do

Used my boost at midnight, getting some pretty girls already but aiming for an insta date feels too insane, too much to do tomorrow (including the gym) and i’m extremely tired anyway. Will just stay around for some messaging / date setting if possible for a little bit, i can just continue tomorrow whenever the tiredness is too much
 
Writing this one on the gym's treadmill at almost 10 pm. Very tough day mentally

Slept horribly but it was expected after sleeping very late last night for Tinder reasons. My tennis partner canceled because of the rain so I focused on dating apps for the first part of the day. But man, those have never yet been as frustrating as they have been yesterday and today

For most of the week it was a matter of a lack of matches but the match amount was alright this time around, probably more than 10 on Tinder alone in the last 24 hours and they were all cute. Issue is that not a single one lead to anything. Abnormal amount of ones who live too far (despite setting the max distance to 21 km), much more unmatching than usual (i've been trying to be much more natural and less robotic in my texting while keeping the short / number and schedule a date asap philosophy but if this weekend's proof enough I've been failing hard). One in particular kinda hurt today : cute little blonde who seemed to vibe well with my texting, I tried to get her number to schedule a drink, she asked if I could message her on Insta instead, I said I don't use Insta and asked right away if Tuesday night worked for that drink - she unmatched right away. I shouldn't let this kind of stuff get to my head but it did this time around, been a tough week with women, didn't get a single date since Monday. I take full responsibility, and I know the reasons for that failure / things to improve (haven't worked enough on my profile, bad texting and pussying out on cold approaches) but the loneliness was painful today. Jerked off for the first time in most likely weeks, it's been a while at least

Felt sad the whole day about the dating going this badly. Combined with the bad sleeping I didn't have any drive to go to the gym. Figured things would be even worse at night so I decided to cancel that event from my city I was really excited to go to to focus on the gym, felt sad about missing that. Worst part is that I still couldnt bring myself to go to the gym so I ended up ordering dominos beforehand, not even for energy purposes just to help a little with the atrocious mood since the diet is fucked this week anyway. The workout was great, I feel a little better mentally, really worked hard there I was grunting and sweating hard on the deadlifts, and I'm genuinely proud of doing my 3 workouts of the week within 3 days considering how tough this week was, but things sure are rough right now

I didn't weight myself much this week but the results would have been shit. Diet was terrible, dating was just as bad (a single date and she doesn't even want to see me again, even my cute virgin who seemed to crush hard on me on those hours of foreplay canceled our 3rd date and still haven't scheduled anything else with her yet), I got fired from my job for sucking too much at it, sleep was horrible, this has been a hard week. The exercise is great, I got my 3 scheduled workouts done despite the hurdles and did a good amount of tennis but that's about it

Feeling a little burnt out with Tinder I gotta say, this weekend's good amount of matches amounting to nothing does hit hard. I'll reflect on things to improve in time, and take the time to improve my profile this week, but what I need right now is 24 hours (or even 48) without dating apps so that's exactly what I'll be doing, come back to them rested mentally. Tomorrow's goals : eat well, play tennis, sleep well and just forget about women a little bit
 
Today was exactly as expected. In a good way, i dieted according to plan and burned a lot of calories in tennis, good for my goals for sure. My partner was a girl i havent seen since earlier in the summer and she said i ”look like i dropped at least 10 kgs since last time”. I guess its true that i really look much better already despite the fuckups of the last 2 weeks, uplifting

Spent some time on the dating apps since i was in a good mood but in this ”outcome independant” attitude, just swiped without caring much about results, weekdays are too inconsistent for me to stress too much about it. 0 likes so far but its still kinda early ; regardless i’m not staying up to message any girl tonight, will be in bed at 9 i badly need it (you know things are bad when i fell asleep in the bus without even noticing)

Tomorrow morning will be dedicated to photos if the weather is kind. If its raining i’ll instead aim for something i failed multiple times already : my first cold approach. Dunno if i’ll succeed tomorrow but i’ll put in the hours trying at least. Its true that i’m not working anymore right now so in theory , if i fail again tomorrow, i could probably dedicate 3 months to the AA program, won’t be an issue if i have that kind of free times (and i’m not doing it with a full time job). But that also means 3 more months at home (which, frankly, hasn’t even been a problem for my sex life at all - my mom doesn’t care at all about girls coming over even when she’s here. I’m sure it’ll fuck up my retention once i’m better at actually getting laid but yeah its not an issue yet) and 3 more months with very very low money (enough to survive but things i want like tattoos would be super tough). Tough choice
 
Early log but i consider my day over, very very sad right now about -100 / 10 on the mood scale

Ended up getting a date at noon so i spent the morning relaxing, postponed the cold approach stuff because that was def not the right time to be worried about that

Enjoyable date, nice girl with an interesting personality, had a good talk. She was only here for a short lunch break so she wasnt going to my place but i tried anyway (but yeah ”my time’s too tight maybe next time). It was a good time though, good talk, she went to her work late because she was enjoying herself so surely it wasnt that painful of a time for her. I feel like she might not be interested in a second date ? But it might just be my low confidence talking

Thats not the reason i’m that sad though, it was a fun date, even if i never see again it’s good experience. I checked my phone right afger the date just to see that the virgin i was getting really close with (foreplay twice for hours) just dumped me by text ! I really had a crush on that girl, i thought it was the same considering the million of compliments she gave me. I just wish i knew what i did wrong, i’m the kind of person who likes to genuinely work on his flaws but i can’t figure it out right now (it happened 15 minutes ago so maybe it’ll be easier to figure out later idk)

Our first date was a good talk on a bench, invited her at home after 1 hour, made out and she immediately told me she doesnt want to go all the way today with her being a virgin and all, she asked right away about what kind of relationships i want and i was very honest (she was perfectly fine with me seeing as many girls as i want, she even mentionned she’d like to try threesomes once ”i take her virginity"), fooled around for more than 2 hours, through her clothes but i played with her breasts a lot, used the sextoy i have through her pants and made her cum, we kissed a ton

Second date was the same, a ton of foreplay except she was naked and had her period, we had a very long pillow talk afterwards and she was kissing me in the streets when we parted ways, like, i felt some real closeness. But it turns out that’ll be the last time we met then

Of course it feels 1000x times worse because i’m inexperienced but i just don’t get it, she was by far my favorite out of all the girls i met so far. And not knowing what went wrong is truly the worst, i wonder if it’s like a complete lack of social skills that’s blinding me from something obvious

Used to feel like my looks were the biggest issues by far, that i’d have the sex life of my dreams once i’d achieve hotness but thats 100% not the issue after all - this girl was telling me a hundred times how hot she thinks i am. Of course i could ask her but frankly i’d rather just forget her right now. It’s not like i ever had a girlfriend or anything so i guess that’s the first time a girl made me feel like this, i feel sad

Tdlr i feel like there’s something truly repulsing about my personality that i’m not seeing at all and it bothers me, i’m tough enough to handle anything but not knowing what’s THAT wrong with me is the worst. Of course i’ll keep going on dates and trying to get laid but i do hope i figure out what’s that thing i’m seemingly missing. Even my first lay clearly dumped me after we had sex twice, she never answered the text i sent her the week after so yeah its over clearly. I assumed it was inevitable because she’s married but something’s fucked up with my retention, no girl wants to meet me again ever. Maybe my life needs to get more interesting, i’ve learned to make them talk about themselves a lot but i don’t say a lot about me because there’s not much

Anyway, really needed to rumble to chase away the sadness ! I know i need to become hot to get laid, its common sense, but this girl dumping me by text after i really felt a connection really makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me as a human being and i just want to figure out what to work on it

I’ll allow myself to some pastries today, fuck it. Junk food today to forget and i’ll get back to seriousness on Tinder tomorrow
 
Did some thinking (while eating junk food... but i don’t feel bad about giving myself a pass there, getting dumped like that for the first time really hurts) and i don’t think i should feel that bad about my own issues about that girl dumping me. I mean, the very last thing she did in our last date was kissing me on the mouth in the streets so surely she liked me a bit still. I shouldn’t take full responsability too far, i’m not always the issue - she liked me at that time so maybe some things unrelated to my own performance happened since. Maybe she met someone else, maybe she realized she wanted something i couldn’t give to her, could be a million things

I’m a complete weirdo, i don’t think anybody on here can really relate to my log / thoughts (but i don’t mind, just writing it really helps me in a lot of ways). Life hasn’t been that good for me so far but, as insanrly awkward as i am, i do go on a decent amount of dates and build experience. Maybe i’ll always be weird as fuck but i think i can still achieve my dreams through hard work - my current goals are sexual and i already had sex a couple of times (even if things have been slowing down but women are unpredictable, theres no logical reason i won’t get laid again if i keep working hard. Looks obviously but also add a sexual edge to my vibe that i completely miss rn, i think i got a clue on what is missing in my dates - i’ve def become a much better talker already and i have killer instinct so i’m not a complete 0 even right now)

Getting dropped by text after feeling genuinely close to a girl for hours does hurt but it’ll toughen me up for sure. I guess its what i sign up for by trying to see tons of women, the only way to avoid it would be to stay on my own so in a way its a good sign, women really are complicated aren’t they

Anyway, i feel much better. Going to be active on Tinder today, i’m already past this girl
 
Man things are tough. Was still in a bad spot mentally, despite yesterday’s good self talk i still got hit really hard by that girl’s text

Mostly spent time reading and playing video games with a friend to put myself in a happy spot but it didnt really work, felt a bit depressed for sure. Tried a Tinder boost around 6 and straight up got 0 likes, feeling lonely (its a dumb thing to feel, i was on a date yesterday - although i’m positive she wont want another one - and spent time with a friend, two things i wasnt even closr to having just a little while back). Ended up overeating a little (not much but def out of my plan) as desesperation for comfort, not in a great spot. Got a like from a cute girl just now and she answers quickly but judging from the distance in her profile it’s a waste of time

My confidence feels very low, not anywhere close to ready for daygame, that 1 text did a lot to it i feel, was feeling so proud a girl that fits everything i wanted was that fond of me, letting me play with her body as much as i want from the 1st date onward, saying she wants me to take her v card, taking the initiative to make out with me in public. Still hurts to have it end that suddenly, makes me feel like i completely misread something, that i overestimated my progress. I’m meeting her tomorrow to get back a book before we part ways so i’ll just ask her what went wrong for my own knowledge, going to be cringe but it could help me avoid some mistakes in the future considering how much of a crush she had on me

I’ll spend tons of times feeling happy through sports those next 2 days, tennis + the gym on both days ; while still trying to get dates obviously its my main goal but getting out of that miserable mental state for good would help to get a 3rd lay for sure. I’ll just take those photos on the weekend, can’t upload before Sat because of yet another technical issue anyway

After reviewing yesterday’s date i decided its about time to study date theory. I was afraid it would make me become too robotic / lose too much genuineness in my personality on dates but i’m sure it won’t ; i’ve become a much better speaker on dates, i’m less awkward and i always invite them home so my intentions are always clear but its everything in between that needs some serious thinking. I realized a lot of it comes down to me not realizing what to improve mid dates because of a complete lack of knowledge ; already figured i had no idea how to establish a sexual vibe before so i kinda just jump from casual talk to ”are you coming to my place?” with 0 like ”bridge”, its not good. Frankly i really got lucky that the first few girls kinda all followed me to my place, they probably all liked me that much from the get go, but theres tons of things i can learn online to maximize my odds mid dates so i already started reading today. Pancake’s dates framework guide is really interesting, already took mental notes for the next date

Feeling sad but it’ll pass, i’ll meet girls i’ll like even more as i walk the path of self improvement
 
Still not in a good place mentally

Went to tennis upon waking up, was supposed to practice with a new partner but he didnt show up and didnt bother warning. Good way to start the day

Spent the afternoon doing nothing, was feeling sluggish and sad. Postponed the gym a bit because i was supposed to meet with the virgin girl to get back the book i lent, awkward timing

Met her, asked her what went wrong to gain knowledge on mistakes i could have missed to do better with the other girls (and yes i worded it exactly like this, i probably sound more like an alien than a human). Her answer didnt exactly help my researches, it was mostly about her feeling guilty about teasing me too hard and not wanting to play with my hornyness too hard with those long hours of foreplay with no reward. I said the waiting thing didnt bother me since its still helping me gain more experience (she knows i’m very unexperienced) and she asked right away if we could see each other at my place again from next week onward ? Not what i was expecting but considering my amount of options i’m not going to reject her, she’s pretty so thats a good bonus. Def need more options though

Used another boost on Tinder afterwards and today was a complete 0 day, not a single match. Put me in a super depressed mood, i really feel more lonely and horny by the day (tried to jerk off earlier in the afternoon, didnt help one bit). I already knew from the start the beginning was going to be rough, i’m not starting with the best cards either (the whole manlet with a baby face and 0 social skill thing) so it was always going to be like that at this part and yet it really hurts. Couldn’t even get the drive to get back up after that boost fail so i ordered a ton of junk food as fuel for the gym and by the time i was done eating it it was already too late to go, too close to the closing time. It doesnt get more pathetic than this. I’ll just have to do my 3 workouts in 3 days like last week, which won’t be much of an issue but i’m really not doing a great job

In the end, no matter how much i keep the idea of daily self improvement in mind, i can’t do much if women don’t like the current me that much - those days of non existent success with women are really shattering me right now. Just do my best every day on the apps to get laid and not worry too much if it doesnt work on any given day, thats the attitude i need to aim for, lighten up the obsession with women a tiny bit

Its not like there’s a million things wrong with my life right now, there’s just one big issue : the diet, its become a big problem and it’s ruining everything else. Just make it my priority number 1, value it as much as my sex life, thats the right mindset to keep in mind from now

Also the sole match i had yesterday was super cute and she lives in the nearest big city to mine, think i’ll go for a drink over there (we agreed on Sunday since she’s only free on the weekend) since theres trains all day long. I do need to receive money from the bank beforehand since even train tickets are too tight right now but i should get some before. Could be fun, pretty girl and a city i haven’t visited yet
 
Normal people probably can't relate to you, but most people on this forum can. We are all weirdos, thats why we still post on a forum. You are actually doing pretty good on dates. I remember when I started I wasn't even kissing the girls, so you probably aren't that weird.

As for getting your hopes up and then being disappointed with girls, this helped me: https://pancakemouse.wordpress.com/2023/01/03/the-best-mentality-for-dealing-with-flakes-and-ghosts/

I don't even save girl's phone numbers on my phone anymore until she earns it. As a way to remind myself that leads, esp from online are not guaranteed to go anywhere.


It also sounds like you are struggling with your diet quite a bit. Do you have any physique photos you can share? I don't know how tall you are but 59 kg sounds really light. If you are lean enough to have a jawline you should probably look into bulking up.

I am a short guy and I think the rules are a little different for us: a guy who is 6ft can be on the skinnier side because he would still weigh around 150 lbs at least. This is heavier than most girls, and he literally has more presence because he is tall. Short guys need to have muscle or else we just look like kids. I was always in shape, but didn't really notice much attention from girls until I was literally overweight.
 
Rice said:
Normal people probably can't relate to you, but most people on this forum can. We are all weirdos, thats why we still post on a forum. You are actually doing pretty good on dates. I remember when I started I wasn't even kissing the girls, so you probably aren't that weird.

As for getting your hopes up and then being disappointed with girls, this helped me: https://pancakemouse.wordpress.com/2023/01/03/the-best-mentality-for-dealing-with-flakes-and-ghosts/

I don't even save girl's phone numbers on my phone anymore until she earns it. As a way to remind myself that leads, esp from online are not guaranteed to go anywhere.


It also sounds like you are struggling with your diet quite a bit. Do you have any physique photos you can share? I don't know how tall you are but 59 kg sounds really light. If you are lean enough to have a jawline you should probably look into bulking up.

I am a short guy and I think the rules are a little different for us: a guy who is 6ft can be on the skinnier side because he would still weigh around 150 lbs at least. This is heavier than most girls, and he literally has more presence because he is tall. Short guys need to have muscle or else we just look like kids. I was always in shape, but didn't really notice much attention from girls until I was literally overweight.
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Its a bit hard to evaluate my dates right now, things started kinda hot on my first few dates / was inviting the girls to my place a shocking amount (like 4 of the 5 first dates came to my home ? Even if nothing happened with 1 of them as that 1 was a disaster but it was a learning experience) but i’m getting less and less girls who are interested in a 2nd date and sometimes it’s a bit hard to read why, my current conclusions are that they think i’m completely boring since i don’t talk about myself enough + really don’t establish any kind of sexual mood, i kinda just make them talk about life and then invite them to my place and it feels a bit too out of nowhere perhaps. I read something on pancake’s blog about that though, next date i’ll make sure to talk about love lives (never had the subject come up on a date yet) and at least make sure to have some amount of physical contact (really not doing any at all so far), seems like a good start

This was a really valuable read actually, thanks for sharing. Funny too because i was starting to reach the same conclusion without even reading it beforehand ; that first lay i had just vanishing after we slept together twice (i guess its common with married women but still), the virgin girl just texting me ”rather not meet again sorry” after the last meeting was all about naked cuddling and making out in public (even if she changed her mind since randomly but its obvious she could disappear any moment)... Yeah i totally get that logic i think, i’ll def start to assume any moment with any girl could be the last, even if it’d make no sense for things not to continue at that given point

I’ll share physique photos once i lose a little more probably (quite short, 1m68 which i believe is 5’6 for americans) but def still got quite the belly at 59 kg, even if my cheeks look good already. Been pretty lean in the past (without much muscleq granted) and i feel like sub 50 kg is THE range at which i’ll start to see abs, i’ll evaluate overtime of course, def starting to have some muscles too (relating a lot on the fact we look like kids when we’re very lean without muscle mass, its very true for sure)

The diet’s a problem but also not i guess ? I know what i’m doing, i’ve done plenty of drastic weight loss and i know how to get it done, was on a great streak for the past few weeks, its just that the recent hurdles (with women mostly, and also getting fired, or having to go to the gym without much sleep) really made me go back to my awful habits of depending on stuffing myself with food for comfort. Did a lot of thinking on how to get rid of it again, think today was a great step towards that
 
Today was pretty great frankly, but also i may have turned down a free lay just a few minutes ago ? Hope not, would be tragic

Was going to go to the gym in the morning but my bowels were in shambles after yesterday’s awful eating, ended up deciding the night would be safer. Went to my tennis lesson on an empty stomach at 4 pm, finally had my lunch at 7, then headed for the gym. Was actually super sleepy, real hard time getting myself to go but i decided to not mess up my weight loss anymore so i had some coffee (not the best thing at 8 pm but at least its not filling me with calories, its an upgrade at all) and actually had a really great workout - and my diet was on point today

Was active on dating apps throughout the later part of the day. Decided to not let any day’s outcome on those affect my mood anymore, all that matters is whether i tried enough to get laid or not, Got a fair amount of matches today but still no date ; some of the girls were very fast to respond (including an incredibly gorgeous blonde) but then disappeared all of a sudden, it WAS the late night (10 pm and beyond) so maybe some of them went to sleep and didnt in fact ghost, will be easier to tell tomorrow

Around midnight i really had the most frustrating match. We talked about new experiences during the few messages, to experiment i talked about sexual things i’d like to try to see if being that bold could work sometime and she was extremely receptive - took her number and she immediately asked about my appartment. Issue is that she lives at a distance but she was so eager she immediately looked at a night bus for tomorrow to visit me. Problem is... she’d have to sleep at my place ! And, like, i can’t have casual lays sleeping in my mom’s house (an hotel room’s too costly in my current situation). So, she’ll look at ways to visit me on Sunday morning instead (it was 1 am so shz went to sleep there). What a letdown, that girl definetely wants to fuck me but logistics are a problem. Hope Sunday works

Still i feel good today. Great exercise and diet, didn’t let ghe lack of dates with women make me depressed. Very solid
 
Slept absolutely horribly, pretty sure i would have felt better without sleeping than what i felt this morning. Seems nighttime coffee before messaging girls until 2 am isn’t the best way to get optimal sleep, who would have thought. Understood right away i was never going to get my workout done without relying on sugar here so i kinda just accepted it for today

Had fasted tennis at 2 pm, cooked lunch afterwards and ate a bunch of cakes and all to feel some energy to survive the gym, still couldnt get going so i even added some night coffee to that before going. The workout was really good actually, i felt extremely bad, like not able to lift at all, yet i really pushed myself and actually did better on every lift. Was barely feeling alive after the workout, even walking to get home was painful but i’ll feel proud tomorrow, too tired for that today (even if i relied on some dirty food obv). Can’t say i look forward to tomorrow’s workout, no high hopes towards my sleep today so if i feel i need some dirty food to go i’ll just accept it and focus hard on fixing those issues on Monday onward

So, the girls ! Rough stuff i’m just not getting dates right now. Not traveling tomorrow after all, the girl misread our meeting time and shes not available, she answered "dunno” when i asked if shes available next week so its looking dead. Still, this inspired me to start traveling some weekends. Set my Tinder location to the city a few days ago, try to get some dates, lend a hotel room or a AirBNB. Seems like fun but i’d best get to being good enough to get consistent dates before

There was this match yesterday who, lets be honest, clearly wanted to take a train this weekend and fuck me (given that we shared our sexual bucketlists and talked about sextoys within 2 messages while she quickly asked if she can sleep at my place i’d say the odds are high at least). But her not being able to sleep at my place made her pick another time where she can come over and leave at night, unfortunately its 9 days from now which is a lot on a site where a girl gets messaged 1000 times a day. I even tried sexting her out of frustration and she was very responsive but it was annoying me, didnt do that for long. Don’t have much expectations that she’ll come but i’ll sure keep her in mind

Been getting some matches this Friday + Sat but nothing of value really. There was this girl earlier todah with whom i traded numbers but she said i talked about sex too fast when she was asking about my previous dates and so chose not to go for that drink after all. My text game is still weak, going to learn more stuff on the matter tomorrow

Other than that, tons of girls who went from very fast to respond to ghosting suddenly or even unmatching at a random time, super annoying. Some who didnt answer the first message, one who seemed to get along with me but then ”i’d rather talk longer on here and i don’t give my number”, seems like a waste of time.

Weirdest odd was a super pretty girl who was very fast to respond but then when i tried to set up a date she was like ”super busy can’t until the 3rd of October”. Doesn’t look like that’ll amount to anything
 
Just got out of the gym just before 11, wasn't easy I'm glad I got those workouts done

Slept awfully, side effects of that pre-work out night coffee. Settled pretty quickly with depending on sugar for the gym one last time

Spent the morning playing tennis, cooked lunch, napped and focused on messaging girls in the afternoon while eating garbage to get in gym shape. Not ideal but felt needed with all those consecutive days of low sleep workout I'll focus hard on fixing that tomorrow ; not expecting it to be hard. Girls were complicated, bunch of this weekend's matches not answering the first message, bunch of ones who live too far. Only got a date for Friday so far as well as a girl who wants to travel next week to see but wasn't able to tell a specific day so might amount to nothing (hope not she's got gigantic breasts). Still messaging girls right now so could still get more

Workout was alright, extremely painful but that was expected, really struggled to get to the end of it physically but I survived

Mindset's been good the past few days but there's obviously a lot to fix in this week. Fat loss' been on standby too long, had those days of depression that made me push those workouts to the weekend and thus rely on the worst food to actually get to the gym in the last few days. Getting back to serious dieting tomorrow, I feel super confident in the head, enthusiastic about next week

Women have been tough this week, been spending a lot of time on the sites but only got 1 date, not even a kiss this week. Oh well, improve myself and my profile that's the only solution

Onward to next week
 
Not much to report, wanted a quiet day since the weekend’s been tough on the body but today’s been very pleasant. Didnt do much but i wanted to focus on fixing my diet, had my 2 healthly meals and nothing else, no probs. Mostly spent the rest of the time catching up on some Youtube stuff i wanted to see and reading a bit, pure relaxation. Went for a beer in the afternoon with a guy i befriended in the middle of the street, had a real good time super chill. Even visited qome churches with him since hes super into religion, def going to meet again. Getting laid is my priority but friends are good too

Dating was dry, really not a single interesting match so far but i’ll be around for a bit longer so it could always change

Going to continue today’s trend of relaxation tonight, get a good night of sleep i got some hours to catch up on. Going for a fasted run tomorrow morning followed by some afternoon tennis, its time to burn the added calories of those past 2 weeks (got today’s beer to burn too i suppose but you know, ate at a big deficit today so 1 beer easily fits). Doesnt look like it’ll rain so i’ll fit some afternoon Tinder photography tomorrow as well
 
Was a productive day. Ran a fasted 10 km in the morning, cooked my favorite lunch (brown rice with a pork chop and frozen spinaches I'm a simple man). Legs were heavy so I preferred resting a bit at home before tennis training, got plenty of time tomorrow and Thursday for the photography. Played some good tennis before cooking a good dinner, lots of calories have been burned today

Dating apps have been awful though, no match of value, it's one of those days where it really hurts my morale. I feel stronger emotionally already so I won't let it affect me, just gotta work to be a better man overtime and I'll start getting laid more and more, gotta keep the end goal in mind at all times. I feel a little sad though life is hard without sex
 
Today was... a disaster. So much for consistency. And yet I feel much more proud as a man ? Going to be a super weird log to write

I woke up feeling sad. Very, very sad. One reason for that : women, or rather the lack of them. Spent the whole morning trying to feel better through escapism but nothing seemed to work. In fact my mental state kept getting worse. Plan was to eat lunch and then head for the gym so i ate, showered, got dressed but i couldn’t even convince myself to leave the house, and those thoughts kept being more painful. Took the only choice that seemed able to please my weak brain : sit down with some junk food and think, really think about why i felt so bad

Quickly realized it wasn’t just sadness for the lack of dating success but anger too. Mostly at myself for the way i’ve been treating myself on this dating apps stuff. Camping near my phone hoping for answers, feeling sad anytime a cute girl unmatched, stressing about results at every boost, all this for sex that’s not even pleasant (didn’t come close to cumming the 3 times i had sex thus far) with girls who all got similar personalities. Complete Tinder burnout here, i’ve been using this for hours every day for almost 2 months now so its no wonder.

But most of all i was angry about 1 thing : my lack of pride. The plan was to lower my standards to get started on the lay path but i’ve went way too far on this. Lowering my standards for looks is one thing but i’ve went overboard for sure ; spent a while thinking about all the times i’ve felt ashamed with those girls. That virgin girl being like ”let’s not meet again” and then changing her mind and me being like ”sure!”, all those girls being like ”i’d rather talk more on here before meeting” and me agreeing (they all ghosted), among other times.

There was 1 in particular that was bothering me a lot though. There was this match, cute but nothing in particular, lived in a different city but not too far, really wanted to come to my city and meet and she asked right away if she could sleep at my place if we click and i said ”not this week sorry” (when in reality shes not sleeping at my place ever, even if i lived on my own i’d refuse) and then she asked if i wanted to come back with her and sleep at her place if things go well, kinda answered ”we’ll see how it goes” out of surprise (when i had no intention of going). Felt like i wasn’t genuine enough but it got worse, yesterday she asked me if we could video chat before our date to reassure her and i was so desesperate for lays i said ”sure maybe like tomorrow or Thursday” but that just felt wrong, i don’t want to go to such extents for a date (to be clear it may seem very ”girlfriend” like but i did make it clear beforehand it was about sex). Spent hours thinking about what to do here today, ended up texting her. Shared a few texts but i was honest beyond beliefs. Pretty much came down to me saying in a very direct way ”i won’t do something like video chatting for a date, way too much for my liking and even if we click you’re not sleeping at my place, ever, i value my privacy. If the date’s cool i’ll invite you over, and if the sex is good afterwards i’m super cool with meeting again sometimes, in your city or mine”. Expected result was for her to freak out and block me while i’d at least feel proud about being an honest person but nope, in fact she was perfectly cool with it all and even asked if we could date at an earlier date than planned (Sunday) which i agreed for. Felt real good inside

Really, really thought a lot today. I want to get laid mainly for ego reasons, to prove to myself i can do it and i’m fine with it. I’m a low value man right now who attracts low value women, it is what it is and i really don’t like these girls much but experimenting with the few ones who like me will be beneficial for when i’m good enough for the ones i desire. But I don’t want to do things i don’t want to do just to maybe up my odds of getting laid, it makes me feel pathetic as a human being. Also i realized i really don’t like the dating apps culture much. All the rude mid convo unmatching, all the sudden ghosting because of the thousands of horny guys sending the exact same messages... I don’t think it’s a world i like much. I’ll keep grinding to get experience and confidence on these for the time being but i believe daygaming is where i’ll focus on entirely once i muster up the balls to get started

In a way it was an atrocious day, i didn’t even go out because my brain was really dead the whole day (going to the gym on Thursday + Friday), ate horribly which is a shame as i went back on track the last 2 days but my soul feels lighter. Feel like tomorrow’s going to be a great day (couldn’t get a date there though)
 
Been a good day

Not anything super noteworthy but I had a super weird match yesterday. Was relaxing on Google when I had this 1 am match randomly. Figured that was the chance to work on aggressiveness since she was probably coming back from a bar and all, kinda went overboard and asked right away if she was coming for a beer. She was pretty receptive, said she was down but wanted to know who she was talking to a tiny bit. Talked for like 3 messages, settled for going for a beer on Thursday since she was tired so I tried getting her number to make things easier and she unmatched immediately. So weird

Didn't sleep, at all, aside for a miserable 1 hour nap - stomach pain from yesterday keeping me awake. Wanted to focus on the gym so I ate lunch, but yeah I really had no strength in my body felt like a bad idea to deadlift like this. So I took the path that seemed to make the most sense, which is NOT to ruin my diet but instead to go for a 10 km run and eat a good dinner, sleep early for tomorrow's workout so I did just that (minus the sleep part so far but soon). Not much happened, felt way too tired to schedule anything but I ate very well at a big deficit and had cardio so it can't not be a successful day on the way to leanest

Tried to get a same day date since I'm an horny boy but didn't succeed. And frankly that's for the best, tomorrow's going to be nuts I'll need as much sleep as possible. I'll try and workout twice, not sure I'll succeed (gotta catch a train at 4 pm to party all night with a girl who was super DTF by text, talked within like 2 messages about the time she had sex in public and about my sextoy, she said right away I'm welcome to spend the night at her place - should be fun) but it would be great, I'd really like to discover night game this Sat night and it'll be hard if I have to wake up super early on Sunday to workout. We shall see
 
Today was fiiiine. Date was a bit disappointing but I don't think I'm too disappointed in my performance

Tough decision in the morning but I decided to book an hotel room just so I wouldn't rely on the girl's will to not fall asleep in the streets

Worked out in the morning, had a real good time I felt very strong, progress on every lift. Had my dinner at like 2 pm to make scheduling things easier

Caught my train, had a good trip. The very moment I arrived at the station there was this incredibly beautiful girl, really caught my eye. Tried to smile at her, she smiled back and held eye contact... and yet I couldn't manage to say hi. Made me realize how much work I still have to do to be the guy I want to be

Met my date at the train station. Really not beautiful, but that's really not my priority as a beginner. The date was your run of the mill really but while she was all sexual in texts she was... cold during the date. Maybe it's shyness, maybe I look worse than in pictures, idk. I've never seen anyone drinking a beer this slowly it took her almost an hour and a half I wonder how to take that

I tried to work on some of the things lacking in my previous dates : some light touching (not much but better than nothing, she didn't seem to mind), some talk about past dates / sex but she didn't seem willing to talk ; I may have been a bit too crass but it's not like that made her any colder so maybe not. There's ton of times where she was just like "I won't share that with you" about some topics, even non intimate ones, bit awkward. Still, I think I did alright ? Mixed some talks about topics that spark passion like travels and dreams with sex talk and some touching. Just didn't feel she was THAT much into me, she said all the guys she saw since January were assholes so I didn't know what to make of it

Tried to invite her to see my hotel room but she had to wake up early. Tried to invite myself to her place but she refused, doesn't know me enough. Awkwardness aside it was still an almost 2 hours long date, that's good practice for me. Tried to know if she'd visit my city (bit far) but I only got a "maybe", hard to read. She drove me to my hotel, we wished each other a good night

Glad I went, I need dating practice (costly hotel room but it's cozy)

Not sure about tonight's plans ! It's not even 9 pm but it is a small city. I have to workout tomorrow, some decent sleep would be wise. Tried to Tinder in that city, just matched a beautiful girl but only shared 1 message this far, not against another date. I might try the nightlife but really I can't stay up too long, train's at 10 am and there's the gym... Oh well we'll see

I think I'm getting more decent at the in-date stuff maybe. Only issue is that I don't get many dates so really improving my profile and most likely texting (I really don't get a good date ratio for the triple digit matches I get I feel like ? Granted some amount live a bit too far) is the priority
 
If nothing else I sure am clutch. Gym closes at 11, got out after workout at 10:59. Nice

Slept way too late yesterday. Reason ? I was messaging some Tinder girls in my hotel bed (set my location to my city, that town I was in was way too dead). Can't say I have that much regrets, got 2 dates out of it, both early twenties with good bodies (1 of them isn't available until next Friday sadly but she seems motivated to meet, meeting the other 1 tomorrow - they both live in my city so no logistics issues) but yeah sleep really wasn't good.

Caught my early train, was supposed to grab some small amount of food after that nearly 24 hours fast and go to tennis training followed by the gym but yeah my body really wasn't ready, very lame. Could have done tennis on its own but not the gym ; ended up eating obscene amounts of bad food. The workout was great, tennis was great and I can tell myself I at least ate well 4 days this week and obviously do lots of exercise but reastically this really isn't good. I'll add a memo in my brain "don't stay up messaging girls the day before the gym" since that's clearly the issue here, I don't care about low sleep if there's no workout

Guess that's it ? There was a very insignificant event I guess ; wasn't paying much attention to women outside when I saw this brune chick, absolutely stunning, totally the type I aim for. Tried the "smile and lock eyes method", she did the same, quite intently too, and yet I still failed to actually talk. It is very frustrating, I wonder what the main block is here. Confidence ? I do feel unsure all the time about my looks but its pretty dumb at this point, I get called "cute" or "handsome" decently often, surely that feeling will go away with sexual experience. Thinking I might spend a weekend in Paris, mass cold approaching for 2 days with the comfort of being anonymous, just to get used to it not even aiming for actual dates. Guess that's just daydreaming and not actual action until I do it

Still messaging some girls but I'll go to bed asap (which is still pretty late, won't even be home before midnight), will aim to get plenty of sleep to eat correctly before the last workout of the week - do it after a lunch nap. I'll resort to dirty ways if need be though really want to get it done early and focus on my date

Anyway, seeing that super cute chick tomorrow, seemed to have a fun personality or at least by text. Was supposed to meet that other girl who was traveling to see me too but yeah no thanks that was really a problem, she was like "I'm very scared idk if I'll come what if you're an old man" after asking me for wayyyy too much texts of reasurrance for a first date at 2 pm. I just wished her well, can't spend 10 years on one girl

Excited for tomorrow. I'll read some online resources before the date to figure out more weaknesses of my game to work on, things to try
 
Today was uh... I don't know at all. Successful ? I mean it was, I'm one step closer to my goal. But it was also a complete disaster ? Anyway lay count : 3 / 10, getting there. Been a while since I added one

Slept surprisingly well ! Had to cancel the tennis for an unfortunate reason, spent much of the first half of the day relaxing as a Sunday should be. Prepared to go to the gym at 5 on a healthy diet but there was something really bothering me : tonight's date wasn't responding to my morning confirmation text. By 6 I was getting really frustrated, sent a "you'll be there right?" second text in case but I lost all hope. Went to the gym on a miserable head, having thoughts like "is it really what these girls are about?", like canceling a date because you changed your mind is cool and all but ghosting the day of seems pretty fucked up. Was in a really miserable mental state at the gym, really frustrated at dating apps, I had 0 willpower to lift weights ; even tried to order some candies at the gym machine but it wasn't working, like the heavens were telling me "take yourself seriously bro". I just wanted to lay down in bed so I skipped all my warmups and did all my sets. I mean warmup aside it was a really great workout, super strong, beat all my previous bests (had back pain from deadlift for the first time in a while, guess that's the point of warmups ! But it was mild) but I was in a real bad state. And then as I finished I got texted by the girl around 7 pm (date was at 8:30) "just woke up sorry!". I gave up so much on this I legit couldn't get out of the depressed state, spent too long of the day feeling miserable. Tried some hill running, cardio helps usually but not this time I was doing badly mentally. Really wanted to have a decent state for this date so yeah I did what I know best : went home, cooked dinner and had whatever junk food I could find on the side to feel some sugar happiness, how sad. Kinda helped, listened to music before the date too that def helped

Went to my date. 22 yo, great body, pretty face, medical student with a semi goth outfit I really liked. Walked to a bar, went to get a beer (for me) and a mojito (for her), was about to pay and then she suddenly got her credit card out and paid for both of us ? Thanks but does that mean I look THAT poor ? I'm a man damnit it's my role. Convo was great ! I made her talk about things that sparked her passions, told her about my life too, touched her a lot I'm getting more comfortable with this, talked a little bit about sex lives (still a little shy on the matter). Invited her home, she said "sure"

I escalated well I think on my bed, light touching, kissing felt natural I didn't ask for once. She was WILD kinda jumped over me as soon as I started undressing her, was biting my neck and all that, she's the first to suck me off without a condom on too (I gotta take better care of my pubic hair ! She had to take breaks because some was in her mouth)

Foreplay was amazing ! I don't know if I improved or if she's easy to please but I was making her moan so hard. Nipples, neck licking, fingering, spanking she was liking it all a ton, I even gave her an orgasm before even fucking (and without the toy!!)

Started fucking her, and things were great in the first few positions but then she suddenly asked me to stop. I thought she was like about to orgasm again but not this time : she was in deep pain ! She told me it's not my fault, it's just something that happens, doctors don't know why. So more sex wasn't an option today which is cool, I got laid at least ! We spent a while talking there but well... She seemed disgusted by me from this point onward ? I was lightly caressing her but she just seemed to want to walk away so I stopped. Idk, some signs told me something felt wrong here. We had a good long pillow talk, another very bi girl so I had fun hearing about her experiences with her girlfriends but before accompanying her to the subway station I tried to give her a "night kiss" before we passed the door since we made out a lot during sex but she seemed disgusted, guess that was too much... Retention's not my priority right now, I'm very glad I had sex with a very nice girl I was attracted to (she called me attractive too... sometime soon I'll accept that i'm not ugly) but it would be nice to have a sex buddy to get more experienced with. Doubt I'll see her again considering the way she seemed grossed out past the pain break (can't say for sure though) but, you know... Got laid, that's the goal here so it's great

Week retrospective :

Ate very well on 4 days and horribly on 3 (twice out of sadness, once for the gym). Awful, let's do better next week

Worked out 3 times, played tennis 3 times, ran 10 km twice. Pretty good, I joined a semi marathon race next week too

2 dates, had sex once with a new girl. Didn't have sex in a long time (even if the end was unfortunate) so it's great but I do still struggle to get dates. Haven't worked on Tinder profile at all, I think part of the laziness is because I'm like "whatever even with all the unmatching I still get over 100 matches even on Tinder alone, can be lazy there" but it's delusional considering my lack of dates. Time to work harder
 
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